Adult-FanFiction.org : Television / Streaming

The Secret of the Doctor	By : Isaac_Asimone Category: 1 through F > Doctor Who Views: 5099 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who, nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 2
- 3
- 4
[The Doctor finally explained to Amy what made London so special: The city has the highest density of gay men in the universe. As she struggles to come to terms with this revelation, Rory shows up and interrupts their animated exchange.]

"Rory! Good morning Mr Pond!" said the Doctor in a chirpy tone, while Amy was slowly raising up, holding onto the main console.

"What were you arguing about?" asked Rory, pointing at both of them.

The Doctor answered first: "Well, we were trying to decide where to go next. I suggested 1950's London but Amy wanted to visit Kiki Alpha."

"I didn't!" protested Amy.

"London again?" said Rory. "I'm tired of London, we always end up there. Is Kiki Alpha any better? What sort of planet is it? Is it dangerous?"

"Not at all!" replied the Doctor. He turned to the console, pressed a large yellow button which lit up the holographic projector. A slowly rotating three dimensional image of a planet appeared, criss-crossed with bright scintillating lines for every other latitude and longitude, dividing its surface into regular patches.

"You see those lines?" said the Doctor excitedly. "These are actually real, they are giant alleys, covering Kiki Alpha from the North Pole to the South. This is a shopping center, my friend, a mall, the whole planet is a shopping mall! They're located near the center of the galaxy, so it's very accessible."

"I hate shopping." complained Rory, deflating the Doctor's excitement.

"He does." added Amy. "It's such a struggle every time I want to go shopping. I have to drag him around. He's always complaining."

"Hey, I wouldn't complain if it didn't go on for six hours at a time, and all you've bought is a scarf and a pair of socks." snapped Rory.

"Children! Children!" exclaimed the Doctor as he walked between the two of them. "Let's calm down. Let's have a nice cuppa tea, and decide what to do next."

"It's all decided!" interjected Amy. "We're going shopping!" she said as she stormed away.

"I'm not going." whispered Rory.

"Fine!" cried Amy, even though she'd already left the console room.

The Doctor proceeded to key in the coordinates to Kiki Alpha, discreetly glancing at Rory, eyebrows up, conscious that he had caused a domestic argument.

There was nothing stealthy about Amy when she came back. Each of her step echoed thorough the Tardis. She was wearing long, high-heeled, knee-high black PVC boots. Her thighs were bare. She had chosen the shortest, most provocative mini-skirt from her wardrobe, made of a black cotton-lycra mix, and decorated it with a wide leather burgundy belt. It sported a large, round brass buckle engraved with a floral pattern. She'd also picked a cropped, long-sleeved pistachio leather jacket which fitted her perfectly. Underneath was, jewel on an already dazzling crown, a steel-boned, overbust dark red corset which underlined her bosom advantageously. The clash of colors was daring but it complemented Amy's complexion and hair perfectly. She had it straight though with much volume. Her make-up matched the outfit: She applied a light foundation, a perfectly measured amount of blush, thick lines of kohl around her eyes, purple eye-shadow and garnet lipstick. She was wearing large golden hoop earrings. She wasn't stealthy anymore, she was stunning.

The Doctor looked at her and smiled like a child who'd just opened his first Christmas present. He started dancing, flexing his knees in rhythm, snapping his fingers while moving his hands in a circular manner and singing "Sexy lady!"

Rory seemed dejected. "You are not going out like this!" he ordered her sternly.

"Ah come on Rory!" she protested, lowering the pitch of her voice to an almost aggressive growl. "Grow up! This is the 21st century!"

"23rd actually." precised the Doctor, looking at his Time Lord issued watch.

Rory followed: "Amy, I am your husband, and as such..."

Amy interrupted him: "Exactly! You are my husband, not my dad. You should be proud of me instead of telling me off."

She turned to the Doctor: "Are we there yet?"

The Doctor checked readings on the main console and replied "Almost. And... Bam!" He lowered a large copper lever. The Tardis central column vortex pump came to a halt accompanied by the familiar pulsating, plaintive screech it makes when the time machine either departs or arrives.

Amy promptly took the Doctor's hand and dragged him towards the exit door.

"You better be back for dinner!" shouted Rory.

"Whatever!" replied Amy as she was leaving the Tardis with the Doctor, who waved back at Rory. The door slammed shut. They were gone.

It took a few seconds for them to adjust to the ambient brightness of Kiki Alpha. Amy was squinting, blocking the light with her forearm until it became bearable. Once it did, she was gobsmacked by what she saw. It was a sight to behold.

They were standing on a 45 feet wide pedestrian area. It stretched endlessly to the horizon, disappearing into an amber haze. On their left were the stores, above was the next floor, 30 feet higher, and separated by a chrome handrail sitting on top of a transparent protective wall was what could only be called a canyon, through which small crafts were leisurely flying in both directions. The canyon was at least 300 feet wide. It was impossible to estimate how deep it was and how far up it went, maybe 5 miles, maybe 10. Nothing on Earth, the Earth Amy knew, had ever reached such a gigantic scale. On the other side was the other half of the shopping center alley, with the same concentration of stores and the same number of floors, only mirrored.

Both the Doctor and Amy stuck out like a sore thumb. They were the only beings still on foot. Most customers were floating around thanks to their free anti-gravity belt. Others were riding compact electric carts, some of whom were pulling a trail of trolleys filled with their purchases. The more hurried clients had preferred the magnetic rail shuttles available at each level, wheezing past every five minutes. Their path was crossed by large, rapid hemispherical elevators. Kiki Alpha was buzzing like a hive.

Amy was overwhelmed. All she managed to utter was a faint "Wow." The Doctor, adjusting his lapels with a proudly satisfied expression on his face, looked at her and said "Not bad, eh?"

Suddenly, the Doctor's companion felt something required her immediate attention, something small, in the left corner of her eyes. She rushed to a store window and screamed "Oh my God! Are these for real?"

She had the side of her hands against the window, blocking the light from both sides of her head, her eyes wide-open and locked onto a pair of high heel pumps which seemed to have been carved out of a faultless jade crystal. They were sparkling like a Christmas tree.

The Doctor pointed his sonic screwdriver at the shoes. It emitted a faint, high frequency trill. He then read the measurements and declared "Not real."

At the same time, a shop assistant reached towards the display, pressed a button, and the shoes, which were just a holographic projection, vanished the same way an image does when one switches off an old-fashioned TV. The label underneath went from displaying the price to read "Sold Out."

Amy leaned back and said: "Damn. They were perfect."

As they carried on walking, Amy felt somewhat frustrated, although she was unable to put her finger onto why that was. She was frowning, holding her index finger onto her lips, attempting to recall the reason for her frustration. Then it hit her. She pointed at the Doctor.

"Doctor! You told me why London was so special, but you never explained to me why we have to go there so often."

The Doctor raised his finger at a large store. "Amy! Look! A Chanel shop! Sales are on! These are genuine Chanel dresses! Made in the early 20th century and shipped through time and space! Would you believe it? Sewn by Coco herself!"

"Doctor! You've tried this before! Answer my question. Why London?" She clearly wouldn't fall for the Doctor's attempt to divert the conversation.

Yet he was still walking towards the store. However before he could reach it, a mob of shopping assistants, all wearing bright yellow uniforms, rushed in his direction. One of them was heard exclaiming "There! We found him!" and another "Are you sure he's the Doctor?" and another one "It's him!"

As the assistants surrounded them, Amy sought for safety and held the Doctor around his waist, hugging him like a teddy bear.

"Are you the Doctor?" one of the mall staff asked.

Not giving him a chance to reply, Amy insisted: "Doctor? Why London? What do gay men have to do with it?"

"Amy, not now." he whispered through his teeth.

The mall assistant carried on, pleading: "Doctor! You must help us! You are our only chance! This planet is doomed!"

The Doctor made an attempt at pushing Amy away. She clung on tight, insisting: "Doctor! Why gay men?"

The assistant ignored the incongruity of her question and begged: "We have little time! You must follow us!"

Amy screamed right into the Doctor's ear: "Why are you so attracted to gay men?"

The Doctor panicked. He eventually freed himself from her grasp, took her arm and fled away from the yellow Kiki Alpha mob, back towards the Tardis.

The now 50 people strong herd ran after them like a pack of screaming, demented fans.

Meanwhile, Rory, still in the main console room, felt indisposed. His bladder reminded him he hadn't had his morning wee yet.

This was always a painful chore on the Tardis, because one never knew where a room would be located from one hour to the next, and this was true for the bathroom also. It was like living in a forever shifting maze. Rory realized he couldn't hold it for much longer.

He decided to go out, hoping he would find an inconspicuous spot where he could go about his business unseen.

Luckily the Tardis had landed just far enough from a towering wall so that he could stand behind it easily. He tiptoed from the door to the back of the ship, not seeing much of his surroundings as he was temporarily blinded by the outdoors. But soon he was shielded from it by the mock police box and proceeded to relieve himself.

He let out a satisfied sigh.

Just as he did, both Amy and the Doctor sprinted through the door of the Tardis and closed it.

Rory was still facing the wall, emptying himself as the Tardis slowly faded away, accompanied by the usual shriek.

He turned back, vaguely aware of his predicament. He groped around, hoping to touch the blue wood panels of the Tardis, as if it only had become invisible.

But Rory was out of luck. Not only he had been abandoned on an alien planet, not only he was standing in his own urine, barefoot, facing a mob of 50 panting, yellow-clad, agitated shop assistants, but his manhood was still hanging there, exposed to innocent eyes.

He barely managed to say "Guys?" before he was promptly arrested.
- 2
- 3
- 4
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

The Secret of the Doctor