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Time	By : cr8zymommy Category: 1 through F > Criminal Minds Views: 4585 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds nor the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story

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After spending a few hours simply lying in Morgan’s arms, Spencer finally decided that it was time to get up. He quietly slipped out of bed, smiling a little when Clooney followed him, and then he grabbed a pair of pajama pants and headed down to the bathroom. After doing his morning rituals and changing into the clean pajama pants, Spencer sighed and stretched as he walked out toward the kitchen.
He’d had quite a conversation with himself as he’d lain in bed with Morgan. Everything seemed just a little brighter this morning. Things aren’t exactly perfect yet he thought as he moved toward the coffee pot. But it’s a hell of a start. That was the best way to describe it, too. A start. He knew that he wasn’t suddenly better. He wasn’t going to just be all right now. But he was on his way.
Absentmindedly he began to make coffee as his thoughts continued to roam. Just saying that he was going to try to heal wasn’t going to be enough to actually make him heal. He was going to have to do things that absolutely terrified him. The biggest one being—counseling. He needed to see a professional. That was one of the first and biggest steps he was going to have to take. This was not something he could heal from on his own, or by spending a week locked in his home with Morgan like he had to come off drugs. This was going to take so much more.
Look at is as you would have while you were an agent. What would you have recommended for a victim in your shoes? He wondered.
Counseling, first and foremost. Find a good support system. Don’t shy away from those that love you and want to help you. Accept the medication the doctors prescribe for you. That was going to be a difficult one. He didn’t want to spend his life taking medication. Most of all, he didn’t want to end up committed somewhere.
That thought made him freeze for just a second. He forced himself to relax. Morgan wouldn’t let them do that to him. He wouldn’t let them lock him away somewhere. Right?
Right?
Of course not. Spencer forced himself to take a deep breath and relax. He pressed the button to turn the coffee maker on and stepped back. He was letting his fears get control again. There was absolutely no way Morgan would let them commit Spencer. He wasn’t a danger to those around him or to himself. Nothing he had done would suggest that. Therefore, outpatient treatment was the most viable option. He needed to be in the world to learn how to live in the world again. There were so many things he had forgotten how to do.
For a second his mind cleared. Spencer looked at the coffee pot with surprise. He had just moved easily through Morgan’s kitchen, not even faltering, and made a pot of coffee in a machine that, yesterday, he hadn’t remembered how to use. Apparently not thinking about it was the way to bring those memories back to the surface. While his mind had been distracted, he had done something that had once been an automatic habit for him.
Not only that, but he had made coffee in Morgan’s kitchen without asking permission. He hadn’t asked to touch anything. He hadn’t been told to do it. No, he had come out, on his own, and made a full pot while Morgan was sleeping. The significance of that might have been lost on others, but to Spencer, it was huge. This was a gigantic step forward for him. Days ago he wouldn’t have dared to touch anything in here. He wouldn’t even have dared to get up out of bed before Morgan had. Now…look at him. It was the little things that counted right now. This may be little to others, but it was important to Spencer.
“Well, look at you.”
The warmth in those words made Spencer’s heart lift a little bit. He knew his eyes were smiling, even if it didn’t quite make it to his lips, as he turned to look at Morgan. The older man was standing by the dining room table, dressed in a simple pair of black sweats and a white t-shirt, and wearing a sleepy smile. Morgan stepped away from the table and walked over to lean against the counter beside Spencer. There was something in his eyes that took Spencer a moment to recognize. Was that…pride?
“Look at you.” Morgan murmured again. He brought a hand up and tucked a strand of hair behind Spencer’s ear. “Here I thought you’d have a hard morning after yesterday and instead I find you in my kitchen, making coffee. On your own.”
The way he said that told Spencer that Morgan understood the significance of this. He knew how big this little thing was. The smile he was feeling inside actually curved his lips just the tiniest bit as he looked at Morgan. “I did some soul searching last night.” He admitted quietly. The quiet words seemed to suit the comfortable scene in the kitchen.
Morgan cocked his head to the side a little. “Discover anything interesting?”
“I, I remembered something. Something you said to me a long time ago that seemed to, to suit the current moment.” Spencer took a deep breath and reminded himself that this was something he wanted to do. He had to heal from this. He had to! There was no way he could live the rest of his life this way. But admitting it out loud to Morgan was a huge step for him; it would make it all real. There would be no going back once he voiced his resolve. For now, the idea was simply in his head, warming him with the thought that maybe he would survive this. As soon as he said it to Morgan than he was essentially committing himself to this.
It was the support and pride in Morgan’s eyes that gave Spencer the strength to do this. “Do you remember when I was detoxing and you came to my apartment?” he asked. When Morgan nodded, Spencer swallowed the lump in his throat and continued. “You asked me ‘Are you going to let this take you down until there’s nothing and no one left? Or are you willing to fight this and try to come out the other side?’ Last night I decided it’s not enough to just leave the basement. I need to fight for my freedom.”
The last thing Spencer had expected as a reaction to his words was tears. But there was no mistaking the sheen of moisture that built in Morgan’s eyes. Not a single tear fell, but they were there. Morgan brought a hand up and ran it over Spencer’s cheek. “I am so proud of you, pretty boy.” He whispered.
“I, I know it’s easier said than done.” Spencer stammered out. “I know I’ve got a long way to go. I’m pretty messed up. But I, I mean I just, I want to try. I don’t know what’ll happen or how I’ll do or if I’ll break later on. But I can’t just keep trying to exist anymore. I can’t live that way.” He screwed up the last of his courage and said the hardest part of all. “I think it’s time for me to start seeing a professional as well.”
To his utter shock, a single tear actually slid down Morgan’s cheek this time. The older man moved forward and brought Spencer into a hug. He moved slow enough that there would have been plenty of time for Spencer to step away, something he always did and that Spencer appreciated, but the younger man hugged him back.
Their embrace was suddenly cut off when Clooney shoved his head between them, his leash dangling from his mouth. Morgan laughed and Spencer smiled.
There was no time like the present to start changing his life, Spencer thought to himself. He looked at Morgan and then back down at Clooney. “Why don’t I go throw on a shirt and we take him for a walk?” he suggested. Fear almost instantly tried to work its way in, but Spencer fought against it. You’ll be with Morgan, who’ll keep you safe. Clooney will be there too and he’s already proved he’ll keep you safe. Nothing will happen to you if you walk down the road and through the park.
Morgan smiled and nodded. “I’ll put coffee in my insulated cups while you get ready.”

Ten minutes later the two were stepping off the sidewalk and crossing the street into the park. There weren’t that many people there, to which Spencer was grateful. A few joggers, some toddlers and their mothers at the playground, and an elderly couple sitting at one of the picnic tables playing chess together. All in all it was a peaceful morning.
The two men walked with their coffee cups in hand, Clooney walking happily in front of them. Morgan paid no attention to the strange looks they got from joggers who went past them. Spencer noticed, though it took him a short bit to figure out exactly why they were getting odd looks. It was when one of the joggers not only looked at them, but gave them a head to toe look, that Spencer finally figured out what was going on. A small sound of surprise slid past his lips.
Morgan turned to look at him as they paused for Clooney to sniff one of the bushes. “Something startle you?”
“No, no.” Spencer rushed to reassure him. He looked at Morgan and felt the urge to smile again. In the past few hours he had smiled and felt the urge to smile more than he had in years. “I just, I saw how people were looking at us and I was confused. I think I figured it out.”
“Oh yeah? And what conclusions have you come to, kid?”
They started moving forward again, their arms brushing together occasionally. Spencer looked at Clooney, who was busy sniffing the ground as if he was following a trail. “Well, for starters, we are in our pajamas.” Spencer pointed out. He spared a glance to look them both over. Morgan, in his black sweats and a gray hoodie and flip flops. Spencer, in red plaid pajama pants and a black t-shirt and flip flops. He looked back up at his friend, enjoying the way Morgan’s eyes sparkled with humor. “That alone would earn us interesting looks. Add on that we’re drinking from matching cups while walking your dog and the most likely conclusion that people have come to is that we’re a couple. This would confuse any of these people that are regulars because most likely they’ve seen you walk Clooney here on your own plenty of times.”
“Good to see your profiling skills haven’t gone away.” Morgan teased him. He let their shoulders bump together.
Spencer turned to face forward again and sipped off his coffee. This was the most normal morning he felt like he’d had in such a long time. To just walk the dog with his best friend while drinking coffee. It seemed such a normal, human thing to do. He wasn’t having a panic attack being around people, though he did tense up whenever a jogger passed them by. But Morgan always touched his arm to warn him that one was coming up behind them. Spencer already knew—he couldn’t prevent himself from scanning the scene around him for danger almost constantly—but he appreciated the gesture.
It wasn’t too loud here, which was a blessing. There was no real traffic on the nearby streets yet so there wasn’t the noise of cars to bother him. That was something that he couldn’t help but wonder how long it would last. Being sensitive to noise was one thing, he had been that way before, but not this sensitive. If he ever wanted a normal life back than he was going to have to learn a way to adjust to it. Maybe that would be something that came with time. Baby steps he told himself. Just because you’re feeling good this morning doesn’t mean that it’s time to take on everything. Just take baby steps. This right here is huge. Don’t press your luck too far today.
“Do you think this Ethan individual is going to be upset with me for yesterday?” Spencer asked suddenly. Whoever this Ethan guy was, Spencer hadn’t really allowed himself to think about him yet. A man who claimed they’d been the best of friends and yet he had no recollection of hm. He was an unknown in Spencer’s world right now and the unknown was frightening. He had no idea how the man would react to anything. That made him dangerous.
Morgan took a drink from his coffee before he answered. “I doubt he will be. I imagine Hotch probably explained to him a little better about the whole situation. Most likely he’ll be upset, but not with you.”
“If not because of something I did, then why would he be upset?”
“He’d be upset for you, kid.” Again they paused so that Clooney could sniff a tree. They were in the more forested part of the park by now, giving them a slight amount of privacy. “From what I know about him, he was a good friend of yours from childhood. Someone who obviously still cares about you. It’s going to hurt him to know what you went through just like it does the rest of us.”
Spencer chewed on his lip while he thought about that. “I know it hurt him that I don’t remember him.”
“He’ll adjust. It’s not something you can control. You have a lot of memories in that brain of yours. Give it all time to come back on its own.”
The advice was sound, Spencer knew that. But he hated this feeling of not remembering an entire person. His eyes drifted around, his hyper vigilance forcing him to scan yet again for any threat. “It just doesn’t seem…right. To remember others in my life but not to remember someone I’ve supposedly known for so long. Someone who, by all indicators, I was close with. I don’t like that feeling.”
The hairs on the back of Spencer’s neck seemed to stand up for a single instant. Though he had no idea why, he felt nervous suddenly. Without thinking he reached out and took hold of Morgan’s arm, since both of Morgan’s hands were full. He looked around him, trying to figure out what had made that sense of unease. Why had everything gone from peaceful to tense in just a short second?
“Spencer? Is everything ok?”
Morgan’s voice was almost a buzz in Spencer’s ear. There was something wrong, he knew it. But what it was he had no idea. What had set off the feeling? He’d been talking about Ethan and looking around the park, just as he’d done so many times already, and that feeling had suddenly come on.
When Spencer’s eyes drifted over the road nearby, that feeling of unease intensified. His eyes locked onto a car; one that, in a single blinding instant, he knew he’d seen before. The driver’s window was down, but he didn’t need that quick glimpse at the face inside to know who it was or to know there was trouble. Panic exploded in him and instinct took over. Without even thinking about it, Spencer twisted his body and pulled Morgan’s arm, snapping out “Down!” before he’d realized what he was doing.
There was a loud sound that cut through the morning silence right as the two started to drop. Pain, white hot and blinding, ripped its way across Spencer’s right arm. Yet he didn’t pause to think about it as he hit the ground with Morgan half underneath him. He raised his head, looking to where the car had been only to watch as it sped away, flying off in the opposite direction of them.
Morgan’s hands were on him, trying to pull him close while Clooney braced himself near them, snarling at the area around them. Screams echoed over by the playground. Spencer paid no attention to it all. He let Morgan roll him over so that he was lying on his back. The pain in his arm grew a little at the movement but that was far from being his biggest concern.
“Spencer!” Morgan’s voice was panicked, his hands frantic as they traveled over Spencer’s body in search of a wound. It didn’t take him long to find it on his arm. Spencer brain seemed to be frazzled; all he could feel was the fire that settled there. He could only watch as Morgan put his hand over the wound. Then the pain intensified and Spencer had to close his eyes against the waves that threatened to suck him under. He had to resist moving away from Morgan’s hand. Applying pressure was important. It needed to be done. But, dammit, it hurt!
When his eyes cleared a little he saw that Morgan was crouching over him now, his free hand holding his cell phone to his ear. “Yes, I need an ambulance.” Morgan was saying. None of that was important right then. Spencer closed his eyes again as the last few minutes played over in his mind. There was something important in them. Not just that he’d recognized the man, but something else. Something he had to say. He heard Morgan hang up the phone and then make another call. Through the haze of pain, Spencer heard Morgan’s voice saying “Hotch…” Then Spencer lost his focus for a minute as his arm gave a nasty throb.
Pain raced through him. He felt the pressure on his arm increase as Morgan added his other hand over the wound. “Spencer, come on sugar, look at me. Come on now.” Morgan was pleading.
Spencer swallowed and tried to think around the agony. This was important. “Morgan.”
“That’s right, pretty boy. I’m right here. Help is on the way, ok? I need you to stick with me. Does anything else hurt?”
It took effort for Spencer to push the pain aside. He called up everything he had ever learned from his Master about dealing with pain and he put it to use now, forcing his brain to think as clearly as he could. He brought his free hand up, laying it on Morgan’s arm. “Not me.” He murmured.
He looked up to see Morgan’s fearful eyes lock on his. “What? What’s not you? Spencer, come on now, stay with me.”
Stay with him? He was right here. The pain was becoming more manageable now. He’d had so much worse than this. “Morgan, listen to me.” His arm throbbed and burned and so many other adjectives, but he couldn’t focus on that right now. “Be careful. This wasn’t mean for me.”
Shock lit Morgan’s face. “What?”
“We twisted when we went down.” Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Spencer tried to breathe around the pain. He heard sirens in the distance. “This wasn’t meant for me. If we hadn’t moved, it would have hit your heart.” He locked eyes with Morgan, trying to express how serious he was. “This was meant for you.” He tightened his grip on Morgan’s arm. “You’re in danger. Someone was trying to kill you.”
The words seemed to echo around them as the sirens grew closer. The two men locked eyes, staring as blood pooled on the ground underneath Spencer. The both of them were wondering the same thing. What the hell was going on?
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