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Whipped	By : This_is_The_Phantom_Lady Category: S through Z > Sherlock (BBC) > Sherlock (BBC) Views: 3753 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: This contains major triggers for people with issues with self-harm. I do not own or profit on any official BBC Sherlock characters or any other part of BBC Sherlock.

Chapter List
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The silence got loud as I waited.
I think I was trying, or at least hoping to hear their conversation but there was no way. I was dying to know what the topic was.
It had to be about me, right?
My mental state?
That was the thought that sent shivers down my spine.
I know I wasn’t okay… no normal person would do the things I did to myself.
I felt nauseous and began chewing on my lip.
Why was I so messed up?

…

I nearly bit my lip hard enough to draw blood when the door finally opened and the white clad Miss A. returned to my bedside.
She placed a glass of water on the bedside and put a cool cloth on my back. I sighed at the sensation.
“The doctor was kind enough to give me some pain relief for you” her hand was caressing higher up on my back, between my shoulder blades.
I looked at her dumbly.
I was trying for the life of me to figure out a good way to explain my stand against pain medication.
I just knew she wouldn’t respect it.
I was under her thumb.
“I don’t take pain medication” I tried, carefully.
“It would be good for you. There’s good pain and bad pain… and this time I think you need a break” her hand was running in soft circles and it made my skin tingle under her touch.
“I can’t…” my voice was low and barely audible.
“Of course you can, sweetie” she gave me her sweetest smile, her hand continuing the motion.
“I was addicted…” I could feel the pressure of the tears that threatened to start falling soon.
Oh the shame of having to admit this. It was such a dark and lonely time in my life.
“I went cold turkey on my own… I haven’t even had an Aspirin since” I admitted to her. I found it hard to look her in the eye.
“Oh sweetie” there was a real sorrow in those blue eyes. “How old were you?” she wondered.
I felt the change of pace in her caress.
This had actually hurt her.
“16” was my clipped response.
All sorts of images of that time flashed before me and it made my eyes squint.
“And you got out all on your own?” her hand had stopped moving now, and just lay idle on my naked skin.
My response was a nod.
So many emotions bubbled to the surface from the bottom where they had been left to ferment for years and years.
“You are such a strong girl” she leaned in and kissed my forehead.
She kept using that word about me; but it felt so alien. I was not strong… I had never been.
“But please take the pill” she drew a deep breath and grabbed the pill that she had placed next to the water. She held it in her open hand for me to take.
I didn’t react however.
“No thank you” I sighed, trying my best to be polite.
“Take it, or I will feed it to you like a dog” she barely raised her voice but the warning was very, very clear.
Silence was all she got from me. I just couldn’t break the promise I made to myself…
I could still feel the throbbing headaches, the cold sweats and the shivering seizures from the withdrawals.
Never again. Never again. That was the promise I had made to myself.
“I’m sorry” she spoke under her breath.
Miss A. managed to make me sit up on the bed. And there she was again; the dominatrix.
She grabbed my hair and tilted my head backwards forcefully and put the pill at the back of my mouth, then she put the glass to my lips and added water.
I was just too shocked by the sudden harshness that I couldn’t fight.
“Swallow“ She demanded. Pulling my hair a bit more and effectively tilting my head further backwards. My eyes were watering and I felt absolutely sick.
But swallow I did.
“Open, wide” she instructed me and examined my mouth “Tongue out” and I poked my tongue out at her… the pill was on its way into my system.
The shame of this moment burned.
That distrust…
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