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Trespass	By : kattanon Category: S through Z > The Shield Views: 2004 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own The Shield, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 32
- 33
- 34
Disclaimer: - I don�t own any of the characters of The Shield, they all belong to Shawn Ryan and FX.
Trespass Chapter 33.
It was at times like this that Vic wished he�d never quit smoking. He hated waiting anyway, it always made him edgy and impatient, but waiting around to see Dutch had quickly gone to the top of his list of "things that I wish I could have a cigarette for".
Of course, it was entirely his fault he was pacing around the hospital car park waiting for 2 o�clock, and hence the surgical floor afternoon visiting hours, to come around. One part of him dreaded having to see Dutch, while another part was always eager to spend time with the younger man. It was this eager part that had him at the hospital thirty minutes too early, and was the reason his nicotine craving was going into overdrive.
Reaching into his jacket pocket Vic felt the envelopes tucked in there, his excuses for being here this afternoon. Vic was glad that Dutch would be out of the hospital soon, it was getting harder and harder to think up reasons to come here and see him. Vic felt a little uneasy at the thought that he felt he needed to come up with reasons, but he didn�t want to start the rumor mill into motion again at work. More importantly, he didn�t want Dutch to feel uncomfortable, or God forbid figure out that Vic had an ulterior motive, that he had feelings for him. However, try as he might Vic wasn�t able to stay away, and so he came up with reasons to visit. He just needed to see for himself that Dutch was getting better, that the battered and bleeding figure he so often saw in his nightmares was no longer the reality. He also wanted to talk. He wanted to apologize, to try and explain to Dutch why he did the things he did that night, but Dutch wouldn�t give him the chance. He�d tried once to broach the subject, but as soon as he had Dutch had completely shut down on him, and it had been blatantly obvious that he had no desire to talk to him about it. Vic still kicked himself that he�d been a coward that day, and had taken the easy way out, and had given in. Instead of pursuing the subject, forcing Dutch to talk to him about his feelings concerning what had happened between them, Vic had immediately changed the subject. At the time he�d felt that he�d forced enough on Dutch, and he hadn�t wanted to cause him anymore pain. Now he realised that that had been the wrong decision, but it seemed that the more time passed since the attack the harder it was to broach the subject. So Vic never brought it up, and neither did Dutch, but it sat between the pair of them like a sleeping monster that they both knew would one day awaken, but which they both pretended wasn�t there.
Looking at his watch for what seemed like the hundredth time, Vic was relieved to see that it was finally nearly 2 o�clock. Walking into the foyer of the hospital and making his way over to the elevators Vic felt the familiar tightening in the pit of his stomach. Happy to be going to see Dutch, but also on edge because of the unspoken tension that existed between the two of them now.
Once he reached room 714 Vic took a moment to force himself to relax, he reached into his pocket and pulled out Dutch�s post, and then knocked on the door. After a second he heard Dutch�s voice calling out "Come in", and he pushed down the door handle and went in. Vic immediately felt his stomach clench with concern when he saw Dutch sitting up in his bed, instead of in one of the chairs in the room,
"Are you okay?" He asked, wincing slightly at the note of worry that he�d been unable to prevent from leeching into his voice.
"Fine," Dutch replied, "I�m just supposed to be resting because of the operation tomorrow."
"Oh," Vic said, relief flooding through him.
Then he felt suddenly awkward, and mentally kicked himself for being inconsiderate,
"I�m sorry�I didn�t think. If you need to rest I can�um I can leave, and come back sometime�well some other time."
"No�no that�s okay. I�d rather you stayed. It�s kinda lonely here on my own, and it�s good to have someone to talk too�take my mind off tomorrow. I know it�s just a routine op, and it�ll be good to get rid of�of the um�"
Vic noticed Dutch beginning to blush as he referred to the operation he was due to have first thing tomorrow morning to remove the colostomy. The final step before he�d be released from the hospital and allowed home. A thought that reminded Vic of one of the reasons he was visiting Dutch.
Not wanting to see Dutch floundering in embarrassment over something he really had no need to feel ashamed about Vic quickly interrupted him changing the subject,
"I brought your post."
He held out the half dozen letters he had in his hand. Dutch barely spared them a glance,
"Oh thanks�just put them on the table, I�ll look at them later."
"All right," Vic said as he complied, "I just thought I should bring them in, you know in case they were important�bills or something."
"Thanks." Dutch smiled tightly at him.
For several long moments a heavy silence hung over the room, and Vic used the time to take a seat in one of the chairs by the bed, and also to study the other man.
He definitely looked much better Vic was pleased to note. In fact there was no outward physical sign of the attack he�d suffered. The bruises had all faded away and disappeared. The scratches, abrasions and bites had healed, and except for several small red marks where a couple of Tortora�s teeth had sank slightly deeper than the others, and had left scars just at the junction where Dutch�s left shoulder met his neck, his skin was unmarked. Of course Vic knew that hidden under Dutch�s tee shirt was a much larger scar that ran for a good five or six inches vertically up Dutch�s abdomen where he�d had the emergency splenectomy performed. Then after the colostomy was removed tomorrow he�d have a little inch long scar low on his right side. How Vic wished he could reach out and gently magic those scars away. So that Dutch wouldn�t have to spend the rest of his life with those constant reminders of what he�d gone through that night carved into his skin.
Looking closer at the younger man Vic felt his concern for him spiking again when he noticed that the psychological signs of the attack were just as loud and glaringly obvious to him as they had been since Dutch had regained consciousness. Admittedly Vic knew he was probably more aware of Dutch�s moods and little foibles than most people. Lord knows that before the attack, while they�d shared nothing more in common than their work, Vic had spent an inordinate amount of his time studying Dutch. Although he�d never seriously contemplated that their relationship with each other would ever be anything other than strictly professional, no matter how much Vic had wished otherwise, it hadn�t stopped him looking. Vic liked to think of himself as something of a "Dutch Wagenbach Body Language" expert. He was aware of the slight flush to his face and the embarrassed little smile Dutch would give if he were praised. The thin lipped cold-eyed look or slightly sneering half smile he gave when he was being mocked. The arms defensively crossed over his chest, shoulders slumped in defeat, eyes that looked down at the floor, or the walls�all the little things that screamed discomfort, unhappiness, and that signaled that Dutch�s self-esteem was taking a battering. Vic knew all these manifestations of Dutch Wagenbach and what he saw now worried him.
The dark circles under his eyes that showed that despite the fact he was probably receiving medication to help hest est Dutch�s sleep was far from restful or undisturbed. The closely bitten fingernails, a new nervous habit for Dutch. The fingers that constantly picked at the edge of his sheets. The eyes that never held eye contact for long, always skittering away to rest briefly on the wall, the floor, anything other than other people. However, when he had a chance to look, briefly, into those dark blue eyes Vic felt a little sharp stab in his chest at the growing emptiness he saw there, vying for a place amongst the slightly desperate, slightly panicked, highly wounded look already there.
It was that look in Dutch�s eyes that helped make up Vic�s minat hat he really needed Dutch to come around to his way of thinking today. He expected an argument. Although he�d backed down, to his regret, when it came to talking through the attack with Dutch, bowing to Dutch�s wishes, he wasn�t prepared to back down over this. He knew it was right, he knew it was what Dutch needed, now he just had to get Dutch to see things from his point of view. So quickly mentally preparing himself to stand firm Vic cleared his throat and broke the silence.
"I�ve been thinking Dutch. You know I�ve been staying at your house while you�ve been in here looking after the place�well I think it�ll be best for me to stay on after you get discharged. You still won�t be fully fit, and I can stay on in the guestroom like I am now, you�ll hardly know I�m there. Just till you get back on your feet�back to work."
Vic felt himself tense as Dutch looked down at his hands, fingers picking at an invisible thread on the edge of the crisp white sheet he held in a tight grip, his lips pursed in thought. He prepared himself for the ensuing argument and felt rather deflated actually when all his carefully prepared reasons, that he�d stayed up half the previous night coming up with, weren�t needed, when Dutch nodded and quietly said,
"All right�that�s a good idea�I�d like it if you stayed."
"Oh," Vic replied, before adding, "good then it�s decided."
Vic was hastily casting about in his mind for something else to say. A conversation that would mean he could stay here with Dutch a little while longer, when Dutch gave him whe nee needed.
"So did you see the Lakers game?"
Feeling inordinately pleased that he�d gotten his wish Vic beamed back at Dutch and settled back in his chair ready to enjoy the rest of his time with him.
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- 34
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Trespass