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What Is and What Should Never Be	By : OpenPage Category: 1 through F > 21 Jump Street Views: 1336 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own 21JS or the characters. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. All characters and events in this story are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead is coincidental.

Chapter List
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Dennis walked into the town center and found a café. He ordered a strong coffee and sat by the window watching the people walk leisurely back and forth, going about their daily business. The scene was such a contrast to the busy inner city streets where he spent so many years fighting for survival. He thought it would have been a nice town to grow up in but for Tommy, it had been a nightmare. He was still trying to get his head around the scene at the house. How Aaron McQuaid could have thought that Tom would forgive him was inconceivable to Booker. Tom’s father obviously had no idea of the psychological damage he had caused his son. Dennis knew that Tom still had many hurdles to face in his life and all because of one man’s transgressions. But he also knew that whatever happened, he would be by Tom’s side, helping him through his trauma. Their life together was just beginning and Dennis looked forward to showing Tommy the world and all the wonderful things it had to offer.
Checking his watch, he decided to find a place for him and Tom to spend the night. He asked the helpful café manager and she directed him to The Pines Motel which was only a few blocks up the road. He walked the short distance and paid for a single night. He was glad to offload both his and Tom’s bags, which he had been carrying around since leaving the park. He switched on the television and attempted to lose himself in the mind numbing banality of a daytime soap but he could not settle and he soon found himself nervously pacing the floor, wondering what was happening between Doug and Tom. After their reunion at the house, Dennis did not feel optimistic that Doug would want to join them on the farm. He only hoped that Tom would not take it too hard. He knew his lover had counted down the days until his brother’s release, longing for the time that they would once again be reunited. During the last few months, he knew Tom had imagined that he would be able to come back and offer Doug the dream life that the Hendersons had offered to the two of them. But six months was a long time apart when you were a teenager and a lot could change. During that time, Aaron McQuaid had obviously managed to claw his way back into Doug’s life and gained his trust. But then Doug had never been treated as abhorrently by his father as Tom had. He had received beatings but never the vile, sexual assaults that Aaron had inflicted upon his youngest son. Without Tom there as a reminder, Booker assumed that it would have been easy for Aaron to manipulate Doug into believing that it was not his fault and Doug, stuck in juvenile detention, probably sought comfort from the only relative he had left. That did not mean that Booker understood how Tom’s brother could have so easily been conned by his father, he did not. But he guessed he was probably not the best person to pass judgment on the dynamics of the father/son relationship, given that he had grown up without his Dad since the age of nine.
Unable to bear the suspense any longer, Dennis turned off the television and left the motel. He walked back along the wide leafy streets towards the park. On the way he passed by the bottom of the McQuaids' road and for a moment he stood and stared at the neglected building that had been Tom’s home. He was grateful that he had been able to see where Tom came from, even though the house had only been his home for a few weeks. It was another piece of the Tommy puzzle and Booker enjoyed slotting the pieces together and getting a glimpse of the Tom of old. He felt closer to Tom now than he ever had, just by being in the small, all American town. Dennis knew Tom had spent all of his life in the surrounding neighborhoods and he closed his eyes and imagined Tom aged six, when life was still good, learning to ride a bike. He pictured him falling off and skinning his knee, his full lower lip quivering as he tried not to cry in front of his big brother. Tears filled Booker’s eyes and he allowed them to fall unchecked. What he felt for Tom he had never before felt for another human being and he marveled at how wonderful it was and yet at the same time, so very painful, to have such deep feelings of love for another person.
He gave the shabby house one final glance before continuing to walk. He passed by Tom’s old school and again he stopped and leaned on the railing, imagining Tom sitting in a overcrowded classroom, sullenly refusing to participate in any lively class discussions. He pictured Tom’s humiliation when his English teacher had confronted him about his illiteracy. The thought immediately brought back memories of teaching Tom to read. He thought it seemed like years ago since they sat in the small room of The Exeter hotel and he had patiently explained how various letter combinations formed certain sounds. Tom had been a quick study and Dennis could remember feeling immense pride at how quickly Tom had learnt, given the situation of their lives.
He let out a melancholy sigh then grinned to himself for being such a sentimental fool. When he was a small boy, his mother used to say, “Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift of God.” He never really understood it at the time but now he knew exactly what his mother meant and in a way, it gave an insight into her own behavior after his father left. There was no point in looking back and you never really knew what the future held, so living for today was the only real option you had. Carpe diem, seize the day. They were words Dennis hoped he could teach Tom to live by.
With that thought, Booker turned and walked the last few blocks back to the playground. As he rounded the corner, he saw Tom sitting motionless on a child’s swing and his heart sank, as he knew that Doug would not be coming with them back to the farm. Gathering his thoughts, he made his way slowly over to his lover. When Tom did not look up, Dennis squatted on the ground in front of him and laid his palms on Tom’s thighs. “I’m so sorry baby,” he whispered softly. “I’m so fucking sorry.”
Tom lifted his tear stained face and gave Booker a watery smile. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t belong here, not anymore and I don’t think Doug belongs with us.”
“Maybe you’re right baby,” Dennis agreed, as he wiped the tears from Tom’s cheek with the ball of his thumb. “And I don’t think you ever belonged here. You belong with me and I only wish I’d found you sooner.”
“I wish you had too,” Tom murmured and leaning forward, he kissed Dennis tenderly before slowly pulling apart. “Doug’s changed so much, he doesn’t seem to want to remember all the suffering we went through.”
Booker sat back on his heels and carefully thought out his reply. “Maybe that’s a good thing. You know, putting things behind you can help you heal.”
“You think I should forgive my father for what he did to me?” Tom asked incredulously. “Jesus Dennis, I thought you of all people would—“
“That’s not what I’m saying,” Booker quickly interjected. “I hate your father as much as you do Tommy and he should be in prison for what he did to you. All I’m saying is that holding on to the hatred and the anger is only going to hurt you. I want you free from all that pain. And maybe Doug not coming with us is a way for you to move on. You can truly start your life over.”
“Do you really think so?” Tom asked quietly, tears once again welling in his soft, brown eyes. “I thought he and I would be together always. I never imagined my life without him.”
Dennis gave a comforting smile. “And yet you survived six months without him Tommy. You need to start spreading those wings and you need to realize that you are more than capable of making your own decisions without your brother. Never forget what your father did to you and sure as hell never forgive it but push it back into the past, okay? If Doug wants to stay, let him stay. Forget about this place, this is no longer your life. You have so much more to look forward to back east. There are people there who love you and can’t wait to have you back home. Start living for the now Tommy and I promise you, life will get easier.”
Standing up, Tom pulled Booker to his feet and wrapping his arms around his lover, he kissed him slowly and lovingly. “The best day of my life was the day you followed me into that alleyway,” he murmured against Dennis’ lips.
Booker smiled as he gently stroked Tom’s hair. “And there’ll be plenty more of those days Tommy, just you wait and see.”
“I love you Dennis Patrick Booker,” Tom murmured.
“And I love you, Thomas James McQuaid,” Booker replied lovingly. “C’mon let’s call Henry and Louisa and let them know when we’ll be back.”
Tom smiled contentedly. He had been through so much in his short life but he was a survivor. Booker was right, he needed to let go of all the anguish he had suffered and live only in the present. He loved Doug dearly and always would, but he understood that he needed to walk away and leave the past behind him. He had Dennis and the Hendersons in his life now and that was all the family he needed.
Taking Booker by the hand, they left the park. As they walked down the familiar streets of his past, Tom felt a huge weight lifting off his shoulders. He was finally leaving the memories of his childhood behind him and in doing so, he was free to become a man.
Finis
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What Is and What Should Never Be