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Cries of a Shadow	By : OpenPage Category: 1 through F > 21 Jump Street Views: 2757 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own 21JS or the characters. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. All characters and events in this story are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead is coincidental.

Chapter List
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The following night
After several excruciatingly long hours avoiding small talk at the dinner table, Tom took sanctuary at the end of the crowded bar. Having spent many a lonely night imagining his first date, the reality had not matched the vision he’d created inside his head. If anything, it was more of a nightmare than a dream come true. Tongue-tied and awkward, he’d found conversation difficult, and his date soon tired of his stilted responses. It hadn’t taken her long to turn her attention to Dennis, and the two women had spent the first part of the evening vying for his attention. To Booker’s credit—unlike most men—he hadn’t lapped up the affection bestowed upon him by the attractive, desirable twenty-somethings. Instead, he’d tried to draw Tom into the conversation. But he was flogging a dead horse. Unbeknownst to him, Tom felt no attraction toward either woman, and although the young officer’s shyness played a significant part in his reluctance to talk, he really wasn’t interested in making much of an effort. He would have preferred a night out alone with Booker rather than in the company of two women, who in his eyes, had few redeeming features. And so, he’d passed the time silently observing his friend, his mind creating whole conversations, while he imagined what it would feel like to be the focus of the dark-haired officer’s attention.
Out of the corner of his eye, Tom saw his date approach, and his mind rejoined the rest of his body. Forcing a smile to his lips, he turned and greeted her. “Hey, J-Jenna, can I buy you a d-drink?”
Jenna stopped, her eyes slowly assessing Tom from top to toe. “You know what? You’re nothing like Dennis’ other friends.”
Having never met any of Booker’s friends, the statement immediately piqued Tom’s curiosity. “Really? How so?”
A cruel sneer curled Jenna’s lipstick-smeared lips. “They’re not stuttering queers like you.”
Disbelief widened Tom’s eyes, his embarrassment heating his face. “Wh-what?”
“Y-Y-You h-h-heard m-m-me,” Jenna taunted. “I’ve seen the way you look at Dennis. You’re sooo into him. Like a little puppy dog. It’s embarrassing. I can't believe he set me up with you.”
“Wh-what?”
“Wh-what?” Jenna parroted with a laugh. “Geez, could you be any more pathetic? You may have the looks, but take it from me, Tommy, you are not the kinda guy women want to date.”
Before Tom could reply, Jenna turned her attention to Booker, who was standing at the other end of the bar. “Now Dennis, he’s a real man. Carol is sooo lucky he asked her out. I’d kill to have another date with him.”
At that moment, Carol wandered over, and seizing her opportunity, Jenna grabbed her friend’s arm. “I’m bored. Let’s go.”
Horrified at the idea, Carol quickly shook her head. “No way,” she hissed, and motioning with her eyes toward Booker, she made a circle out of the thumb and index finger of her left hand and furtively poked her right index finger in and out of the hole. “I wanna get laid.”
“What are you girls whispering about?” Booker inquired, and wrapping his arm around his date’s waist, he gave her butt a playful squeeze. “Nothing bad, I hope.”
Snuggling against Booker’s muscular frame, Carol gazed up at him and batted her thick mascaraed lashes. “Of course not. I was just telling Jenna we were going to hit the road, you know, so we can have some alone time.”
Furious at her friend’s betrayal, Jenna’s eyes flashed with anger. “I thought this was a double date. You can’t just ditch us like that.”
“Sorry,” Carol laughed, her mouth curving into a smug smile. “It’s been fun, but I think it’ll be more fun if Dennis takes me home.”
Booker signaled to Tom with his eyes, his gaze silently imploring the young officer to give him permission to leave. For Tom, it was his worst nightmare come true. Not only was Dennis dumping him in favor of Carol, but he was also leaving him alone with a woman who despised him. But being, by nature, a kind and considerate man, he quickly made the decision to let his friend go. He owed Booker his life, and his feelings for the dark-haired officer ran too deep to ever stand between him and love. He valued their friendship too much to make a scene, and if the scantily-clad Carol was what Booker’s heart desired, then he would do everything in his power to make it happen...even though the thought of him making love to a woman ripped a hole in his heart. Life had not equipped him with enough experience to understand what he was feeling was jealousy, and even if he’d known, he probably wouldn’t have changed his mind. And so, with a reluctant sigh, he gave his blessing. “You two go, I’ll make sure Jenna gets home safely.”
“Fucking perfect,” Jenna muttered under her breath. But Booker was paying too much attention to the firm curve of Carol’s butt cheek to notice, and clapping his free hand on Tom’s shoulder, he gave his friend an appreciative smile. “Thanks, man.”
“Any time,” Tom murmured, and turning toward the bar, he swallowed down his disappointment and ordered another drink.
**
The following morning
Walking into his apartment, Booker tossed his keys into the bowl on the wooden bureau and closed the door. He’d spent a wild and passionate night with Carol, and although fun, he’d declined breakfast and made his excuses before she had a chance to take their fling too seriously. And with the clear-headedness of dawn’s early morning light also came the realization he owed Tom an apology. By listening to his cock instead of his heart, he’d let his friend down, and he wanted to make it up to him by taking him out for lunch. But not before he’d freshened up and grabbed a few hours of sleep and stifling a yawn, he walked over to the bathroom and opened the door. He was immediately confronted by the sight of Tom kneeling next to the tub, his head submerged beneath the water. Shocked, it took several moments for him to react, but when he did, his voice boomed loudly throughout the tiled room. “JESUS CHRIST! WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?”
Jolted back to reality, Tom’s head jerked up with such force, he sent tiny droplets of water flying into the atmosphere. “B-Booker!”
Striding over to the tub, Booker hauled Tom to his feet, his eyes blazing. “What the fuck is going on, Tom? Were you trying to drown yourself?”
Shocked by the accusation, Tom’s head shook from side to side, the furious action whipping strands of wet hair across his frightened face. “Wh-what? N-No! I wasn’t, Dennis. Honestly! I just want to feel close to him, that’s all.”
“Him?” Booker demanded. “Do you mean Will? How the fuck does ducking your head underwat—”
The dark-haired officer stopped mid-sentence, his face visibly paling. “Oh, my God. He did that to you, didn’t he? He used to hold your head under the water, and that’s why you freaked out in the pool.”
Accustomed to always defending his brother, Tom immediately went into damage control. “H-He didn’t m-mean to hurt me. H-He was ju-just p-punishing me because I let him d-down. It w-wasn’t his fault, I sh-shouldn’t have—”
“FUCKING STOP!” Booker yelled, his hands gesticulating wildly in front of his face. “I thought you needed time to process things, but you seriously need to talk to a professional about all the fucked-up shit Will did to you. Because defending him isn’t normal, Tom. Do you hear me? It’s not...fucking...NORMAL!”
A childish pout formed on Tom’s lips. “Who died and made you God?”
Exasperated, Booker rolled his eyes. “Well, if you won’t speak to a professional, who will you talk to? Because this can’t go on. You need help.”
“I could talk to you.”
Taken aback by the softly spoken response, Booker stared at the young officer with wide eyes. “Jesus, Tom,” he muttered, his hand raking through his sleep-mussed hair. “I dunno. I’m not trained to deal with this type of—”
“Forget it. I shouldn't have said anything.”
There was an unmistakable note of disappointment in Tom’s voice that immediately had Booker reassessing the rashness of his decision. Maybe, in a strange and unconventional way, he was the perfect person for Tom to talk to. The young officer trusted him, and with trust came responsibility. He owed it to his friend to at least be there for him if he wanted to open up about his relationship with Will. Then, once Tom felt comfortable talking about his past, he could encourage him to speak to a therapist. It wasn’t the perfect plan, and he wasn’t sure their captain would approve, but it was a start. Tom needed a sympathetic ear, and who better to provide it than the one person who knew him best?
With his mind made up, Booker reached for a towel and handed it to the young officer. “Get cleaned up, and then we can talk. Okay?”
Taking the towel, Tom refused to meet Booker’s sympathetic gaze. But just as the dark-haired officer exited the room, he found his voice. “Did you sleep with her?”
Booker paused midstep, and turning back around, he looked Tom straight in the eye. “I don’t think that’s really any of your business, do you?”
Tom lowered his gaze back to the floor. “You’re right. Sorry. I didn’t mean to pry.”
“Get cleaned up,” Booker reiterated in a soft voice, and turning away, he walked out the door.
Left alone with nothing but his thoughts, Tom rubbed the towel over his wet hair. He had no idea why he had asked Booker if he’d slept with Carol because, in his heart, he already knew the answer. Of course he had, but as much as he didn’t like it, he had more pressing issues to deal with...like how much information to reveal to his friend. But the more he thought about it, the more he realized for the first time since his childhood, he wanted to talk about his life. His introduction into the world of dating had opened his eyes, and he now understood it wasn’t only the physical abuse that had affected him, it was the deprivation of his liberty. Will had denied him access to a normal life, and because he rarely interacted with any females, he’d grown up not knowing how to communicate with them. Judy had tried to coax him out of his shell, and he often wished he’d responded positively to her kindness. But that ship had sailed, and he needed to accept it and move on. Booker, on the other hand, was a different story. The dark-haired officer, although not female, was the closest thing he had to a proper relationship, and if talking about his life brought them closer together, then he was more than willing to go through the embarrassment. Whenever Booker walked into the room, something inside him came alive, a primordial urge that writhed beneath his skin, heating his flesh from within. He couldn’t explain the strange feeling, even if he wanted to, and while he didn’t understand the complexity of emotion coursing through his veins, he did want to explore it further. Unlike his other coworkers, Booker hadn’t turned his back at the first hurdle. And while he recognized theirs was an unconventional relationship, he remained forever hopeful it would stand the test of time, and they would remain friends forever.
Tossing the damp towel on top of the hamper, Tom bent over and pulled the stopper from the bath. Standing up, he watched, mesmerized, as the swirling water washed the sins of his past down the drain. Maybe it really was time to move forward and look toward the future. In less than two weeks, he would turn twenty-four, and he had no idea what to do with his life. Returning to the job he loved, was—in his eyes—an unattainable dream. Too many people knew about his abuse for him to ever feel comfortable working in such a close-knit community again. And while he didn’t doubt his intellectual qualifications, his inability to fit in did present a problem. He needed to find a job where he could work solo, but try as he might, nothing came to mind. But despite his pessimistic outlook on life, he wasn’t really concerned. He had a feeling Booker was the key to solving all his problems, and while he didn’t know what that meant, it was reassuring to know whatever happened, he wasn’t alone.
With his thoughts in place, Tom turned his attention to his appearance. After several minutes of searching, he failed to find his comb, and so he made do by raking his fingers through his damp hair until he was satisfied with the result. He was about to bare his soul for the first time in his life, and although nervous, he was also ready. It was a carpe diem moment and checking his image in the mirror, he took the first steps toward what he hoped, would be the beginning of his new life.
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Cries of a Shadow