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Darkest Nights	By : Bucken-Berry Category: G through L > Law & Order Views: 1451 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own SVU or it's characters and I'm not making money from this.

Chapter List
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Elliot inhaled sharply. He knew how unhealthy George's self-castigation was, and he knew that he had to convince George otherwise. "George, you have to believe me. You're an amazing person."
George shook his head. "No, I'm not. Far from it. I was the one who treated Keyes, and that made him want revenge on me. And he killed the other victims to get that revenge, so it's my fault... And even if I don't blame myself, the families do."
"No they don't! They blame Keyes and the others, not you," Elliot corrected him. He realized, to his dismay, that he wouldn't be able to stop George from hating himself. He bit his lip, closing his eyes. George truly hated himself, and nothing Elliot said was going to change it- it would take months, maybe even years. He knew there had been times when George had hated himself since he'd been found, but it hadn't gotten to this level of bitter disgust and self-loathing before.
"For the sake of the conversation, I'll say you're right, but even so, they still wish it was their relative on the witness stand," George said painfully. "They wish I was the one in the morgue- and they're right to wish that… the others should be alive, not me."
"No, George, that isn't- that's not…" Elliot whispered, unsure of how to assuage him. Every hurt George was feeling was incredibly deep, and he couldn't think of a single thing that would help. He chose his words slowly, carefully, to offer as much comfort as he could. "No, that isn't right at all. And even if they do wish that their loved one had survived instead, I'm glad you were the one that survived. I would have been devastated if you hadn't; I never would have gotten over it."
"You and Nora are probably the only ones who think that," George muttered. Elliot knew that after what George had been through, he was convinced that most people absolutely despised him- his attackers did, and they had convinced George to hate himself, so it had to be hard to believe others didn't hate him too, unless they frequently showed George otherwise. Elliot supposed it was just short of miraculous that George even believed Elliot loved him.
His throat and chest constricted painfully. Every bit of this situation was so wrong. "Even so, we love you more than words can say. Even if Keyes and the others went to ridiculous lengths to hurt you, and even if you hate yourself, Nora cares about you. I care."
George didn't look convinced at all. "George, look at me," Elliot said. A shudder ran down George's back, and he shook his head. Elliot took in a sharp breath. He knew that George was trying to retreat, and while part of him wanted to let George be, he knew he had to talk to him. "George, please, look at me," Elliot said quietly. He set a hand on George's cheek, gently, to try to coax him. He needed George to look into his eyes and see the sincerity there.
George met his gaze, but only for a second; he looked down to avoid Elliot's gaze as soon as he could. Elliot could tell that George would try to avert eye contact whenever he could from now on. It hurt to see that, because it proved that any self-confidence George had was long gone.
Elliot cupped George's cheeks and forced George to meet his gaze. "George, I know you've been hurt, I know you've been through hell, but you are safe now. You have me, and I'm going to do whatever it takes to fix this. I'm going to make you feel loved again- because you are loved."
"I shouldn't be loved… I don't deserve anyone's love, let alone yours," George whispered hopelessly, hanging his head. "Keyes… the others... they were right about me. I'm pathetic, worthless, arrogant, and a terrible person."
"George…" Elliot was struggling. He wasn't sure anything he said would be enough anymore. Something had happened to George mentally, and he wasn't sure he would be able to fix it. "No, you aren't. None of that is true. If you were arrogant, you wouldn't have been able to survive this long in this line of work," he said.
"Or maybe I was just lucky," George muttered.
"Or maybe Keyes and the others are just sick, sadistic bastards," Elliot returned.
"Maybe both are true," George said. His voice was still quiet and unsure.
Elliot gave up on changing George's mind. He sucked in a breath before he reassured him. "George, I love you. You've always been there for me- even though I was an ass about it- and now I'm here for you. I'm going to show you that they're wrong, and I'm going to help you recover. You aren't going to be one of the people that can't move on, I promise. It'll be difficult, yes, but you'll get past all of this, including the PTSD."
George exhaled sharply. "Elliot, I haven't been improving at all. Physically, yes, but mentally, I'm worse, if anything. Which just proves how-"
"George. Don't go there," Elliot ordered, trying to be gentle, yet firm.
"But it's true-" George began, shaking his head. He tensed slightly as he spoke.
"What they said isn't true at all," Elliot corrected him.
"Prove it. What about me makes you think Keyes was wrong? What makes you think I'm not pathetic? What makes you think I can do this?" George asked, his voice harsh and filled with disdain.
"I know it seems hard, but you can get through it. Just hold on," Elliot murmured, stroking George's face.
"I can't- I don't deserve- I'm too path-" George shook his head, but then he nodded. "Okay. Yes," he breathed, reluctantly giving in. He was too tired to argue. "I'll try. But I'm not sure it'll be enough." He leaned into Elliot's touch, giving a small, despondent sigh.
"George, I am going to repeat this as often as it takes," Elliot said softly. "I. Love. You. You don't deserve what happened to you and it wasn't your fault. The people who did this to you are sadists, and they are going to go to jail for this- because what they did was WRONG. They took you, a beautiful person, and they did things to you that no one should have to go through. Let alone you." He leaned forward and placed a soft kiss to George's lips. George returned it, but it felt… detached. Elliot pulled away with a resigned sigh. He rested his chin on George's head, embracing him tightly.
"Do you want to get the groceries now?" Elliot asked, changing the subject. He could tell that at this point, forcing George to talk, or forcing him to listen, would do more harm than good. George needed to regroup, and he would be ready again later.
"Yeah," George said with a small nod, grateful that Elliot was giving him some time. In truth, he actually wanted to just go home and sleep, but he was once again convinced that what his attackers said was right. Even though he didn't want to, he believed them again- he didn't deserve to be happy.
Elliot sighed, stroking George's hair and gently kissing George's forehead. He looked over George's head, watching the scene outside. Everyone was just going about their business. There had been a lot of news coverage for the case, but when the trial wasn't in session, no one knew they were there. No one heard or saw them.
No one understood what George was going through. No one knew that George had been hurt so much, by so many people. No one knew that George was collapsing from strain, struggling to keep himself together because of the torture, and the constant re-experiencing of it. No one knew how unbearable George's suffering was.
None of the others understood George's situation. Elliot was the only one who did understand, and he was the only one who could help George.
Elliot was determined that George would recover, but he knew it would be almost impossible.
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Darkest Nights