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Whipped	By : This_is_The_Phantom_Lady Category: S through Z > Sherlock (BBC) > Sherlock (BBC) Views: 3753 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: This contains major triggers for people with issues with self-harm. I do not own or profit on any official BBC Sherlock characters or any other part of BBC Sherlock.

Chapter List
- 35
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I felt as if she physically picked me up and threw me onto the bed and honestly she might just as well have done.
I felt limp, like a worn out dress someone could just discard after a long day…
I clawed at the sheets trying to wrap them around my naked form; wanting to hide myself for all of the world and especially that cruel bitch.
She kicked the bin over to my bed with her feet, clearly not wanting to touch it.
“Don’t you dare make a mess if you get sick again” she snapped.
I wasn’t responding, I was still preoccupied with trying to burry myself in the white sheets.
“See you” she patted my shoulder and I instantly tensed and shied away from her touch. Even a gentle touch felt painful.
“Don’t touch me!” I shrieked; surprising myself just as much as her.
“Fine!” she held her hands up in defence.
She was furious…
The loud slamming of the door underlined just how furious I had made her.

…

I managed to cover myself completely; something that took way too much effort. It completely exhausted me.
What I had left of strength was used up.
I cried silently and without tears but I never really stopped…
I was miserable and there was no rest for my mind.
That stupid voice at the back of my mind had a field day with this…
‘You brought this upon yourself’
A single teardrop fell from my eyes at that thought.
‘She was too kind on you’
No… please, no.
My knuckles turned white from clawing hard at the clean sheets…
Oh I would be happy to exchange them for Macy’s smelly jacket… Macy… oh Macy.
I felt my heart physically breaking when I remembered the look in her eyes when I found her in the ally.
“Mira no, don’t tell me you went back to…”
Macy’s worried voice rang so clear in my head.
“You’re too good to sell yourself like that”
She continued… my mind replaying the scene from the alley.
“They broke you”
“Shut up!” I cried to the empty room, covering my ears to block out that sad voice.
… what made it even worse was how right Macy had been.
My poor mind didn’t ease up on me though, it decided it was time to bring me completely to my already tried knees.
“What? Don’t you like me…?”
The man’s voice snarled in my ear, and at that I grew completely numb.
Why, why…
Why was this the time to remind me of that?
“Don’t fight it”
Hot tears ran down my frozen cheeks and all I could do was shiver.
“Come on, moan for me”
In my frozen state I somehow managed to reach for the bin just before my body caved in to the assault my mind had set in with.
I had lost yet another battle with my worst enemy… myself.
What was wrong with me?
I caught a glimpse of my bandaged wrist and the scars on my arm; a map over all the lost fights, all the weak moments…
Maybe it would be better if I wasn’t here, I thought… maybe it would be easier for everyone; not to mention myself if I wasn’t wasting the Earth’s precious oxygen...
- 35
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