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Ask Me No Questions and I'll Tell You No Lies	By : OpenPage Category: 1 through F > 21 Jump Street Views: 2448 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own 21JS or the characters. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. All characters and events in this story are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead is coincidental.

Chapter List
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- 38
Once again, I apologise for my tardiness but life is busy and I am having trouble finding time to write. Please forgive me and I will try to get another chapter posted later this week.
The silence between the two men was deafening and as each minute ticked interminably by, Tom began to lose the small amount of hope he was clinging to that Booker would agree to stand by his side. Getting to his feet, he pushed his hands deep into the pockets of his jeans and gave Dennis a sad smile. “I guess your silence pretty much gives me my answer,” he muttered quietly. “If you don’t want to drive me to Doug’s I’ll find my own way home.”
Raising his gaze, Booker shook his head. “No,” he replied softly. “My silence just means that I need time to think about this Tommy. I can’t let my heart rule my head, not this time. I love you but if I’m going to help you, there are going to have to be some conditions.”
“Conditions?” Tom asked warily. “What kind of conditions? ‘Cause I’ve gotta tell you Dennis, I’m a little tired of living by someone else’s rules.”
Sighing heavily, Dennis stood up and placed his hands on Tom’s shoulders. “Then you might not like what I have to say,” he replied softly. “Firstly, you have to agree to seek professional help.” When Tom started to protest, Booker held up his hand. “I’m sorry Tommy but I won’t be responsible for your psychological welfare. If you refuse to see a therapist then the deal’s off.”
Tom glared back moodily at Dennis as he remembered the few therapy sessions that he had attended whilst in hospital. He had trusted Doctor Farmer but his practice was in California and Dennis lived in Nevada, which meant he would have to find a new psychologist. He had not told Booker about his breakdown and his resulting stay in hospital and he did not know why he had kept it a secret from his friend except that he felt somewhat ashamed at having needed specialist care. The thought of being in long-term therapy terrified him; he did not want to discuss his rapes with a stranger, he just wanted to forget everything that had happened to him and move on with his life. However, he knew that Dennis was as stubborn as a mule and no amount of gentle persuasion would make him change his mind. There was no option, if he wanted to live with Dennis, he would have to agree to therapy.
Crossing his arms across his chest, Tom gave Booker a resigned look. “Fine,” he sighed wearily. “I’ll go to therapy.”
“Good,” Booker replied quietly. He paused for several moments before continuing to speak in a soft voice. “Now, condition number two… I think we should live together just as friends.”
Tom’s eyes widened in shock. “W-What?” he stammered in disbelief. “Are you fucking kidding me? I thought you said you loved me!”
Dennis’ eyes filled with sadness. “I do love you Tommy,” he murmured wistfully. “More than you’ll ever know but that’s why it has to be this way. I’ve been thinking about it ever since our fight. You’re still so traumatized and I won’t hurt you by taking advantage of you. I don’t want you waking up one morning regretting everything you and I have done. If we’re to be together, then I want you to know in your heart that being in a homosexual relationship is what you really want.”
Hearing the words homosexual relationship immediately confused Tom. He thought back to his response when Penhall had cried out in exasperation that he could not understand his need to be with Dennis because he wasn’t gay, "It’s not about being gay or straight, it’s about two people, me and Dennis. I don’t feel anything for other men but I do feel something for Booker. I can’t explain it, he’s… different." Now he began to have grave doubts about the whole validity of that argument. Why did he want to be in a relationship with Dennis if he wasn’t gay? It made no sense whatsoever to lust after only one man when he had no interest in any other men he had met. Maybe he was confused, maybe the rapes had temporarily altered his mindset and once he went to therapy, he would again only want a relationship with women. However, what worried him the most was that he might have sought comfort from Booker only because he was suffering, because he needed to feel loved. That he might have used Dennis in such a selfish manner horrified him. Booker loved him, he knew this to be true and now he was not sure if he genuinely felt the same way.
Terrified that he would hurt his friend more than he already had, Tom came to a decision. Stepping backwards, he gave Dennis an impassive look. “I’ve changed my mind,” he mumbled. “I want to go and live with Doug.”
It was Booker’s turn to look surprised. Tom had pushed to stay in Nevada and now all of a sudden, he wanted to return to California. Stepping forward, he pulled Tom’s arm from his chest and held his hand. “Why the change of heart?” he asked calmly. “I’m not saying we’ll never be together, I’m just saying that I want to take it slow.”
Tears filled Tom’s eyes and he choked back a sob. “I don’t know what I am!” he cried out in a voice full of pain. “Why do I have these feelings for you when I don’t feel them for any other men? Oh God Dennis, I don’t want to hurt you! I’ve caused you so much pain and now I’m terrified that I’m going to cause you even more!”
Turning away, he covered his face with his hands as tears of frustration and confusion coursed down his face. Strong arms embraced him from behind and turning around, he laid his head against Dennis’ broad chest whilst his body heaved in distress. He felt light fingers stroking his hair as Booker’s soft voice whispered in his ear. “Shh baby, don’t cry,” Dennis murmured. “I’m just as terrified of hurting you and that’s why I think we should take it slow. I love you Tommy, I’ll always love you but if you can’t love me back in the same way, then that’s okay. We’ll always be friends, no matter what. But you have to do what’s right for you. If you want to live with Doug, I won’t stop you, but if you want to live with me then we take it slow and that way, nobody gets hurt.”
Lifting his head, Tom gazed at Dennis through teary eyes. “I want to stay with you,” he replied softly.
Pulling away, Dennis gently brushed the tears from Tom’s long lashes. “Get some sleep,” he instructed softly. “We’ve still got a couple of hours driving tomorrow before we get to Doug’s.”
Nodding his head, Tom turned towards the bed. Moments later, he heard the door open and close and he was alone.
**
A loud rap at the door woke Tom from a troubled sleep. He had suffered several nightmares throughout the night and the sound of his own screaming had pulled him from the distressing images that continued to plague his mind. It was dawn before he had finally fallen into a dreamless slumber and he felt both physically and emotionally exhausted. Sitting up in bed, he saw sunlight streaming in through a chink in the curtain and he groaned loudly. A second knock sounded against the door followed by Booker’s worried voice. “Tommy! Are you okay?”
Crawling out of bed, Tom rubbed at his tired eyes. “Coming,” he muttered and walking across the room, he opened the door and let Dennis enter. “Sorry,” he mumbled in embarrassment. “I guess I overslept.”
Dennis cast his eye over Tom’s weary face. “It doesn’t look like you’ve slept at all,” he replied with concern. “More nightmares?”
Tom rubbed a hand nervously over the back of his head. “Yeah,” he replied quietly, unable to meet Booker’s anxious gaze. “But I’m okay. Just let me have a quick shower and—”
“Hey,” Dennis interrupted softly and stepping forward, he pulled Tom into his arms. “Are you sure you’re okay?”
Hot tears pricked at Tom’s eyes but he quickly blinked them away. Fatigue from lack of sleep had him on an emotional knife-edge and he knew if he started to cry, he might not stop. Pulling free from Dennis’ embrace, he managed a half smile. “I’m fine,” he reassured in a small voice. “Just give me ten minutes.”
Realizing that Tom needed time to pull himself together, Booker nodded. “Okay, I’ll go and put gas in the car and grab us something we can eat on the way. Is there anything you feel like?”
The thought of food made Tom feel sick but he did not want to admit it to Booker. “Whatever you get will be fine,” he replied with a forced smile.
Booker opened his mouth to ask Tom again if he was okay but he quickly closed it when he saw Tom’s eyes pleading with him to stay silent. Instead, he gave his friend an understanding smile and left the room.
The tears that had threatened to fall finally spilled from Tom’s eyes and he choked back a sob. He was so tired, so psychologically drained that he could no longer keep control of his emotions. He longed for a peaceful night’s sleep, free of the nightmarish images that dominated his dreams and made him relive over and over, the horrors he had experienced.
Pushing the heels of his hands against his eyes to stem the flow of tears, he slowly pulled himself together. When his body stopped trembling and his tears finally ceased, he walked into the bathroom and closed the door.
**
Arriving outside of Doug’s apartment building, Booker turned off the ignition and gave Tom a reassuring smile. “Ready?” he asked.
Tom nodded wearily. It was only eleven o’clock in the morning but he longed to crawl into bed, close his eyes and block out the world for a few hours. However, he knew he needed to push through the depression and at least pretend that he was coping, even if inside he was barely holding on. Booker had arranged for Doug to leave a key with a neighbor, as he would not be home from his stakeout until later in the afternoon. Dennis had relayed Penhall’s message that they were welcome to spend the night so they could rest up before returning to Nevada the following day. However, Tom had been less than thrilled with the idea. The last thing he wanted was Booker and Doug discussing him as though he were incapable of making any decisions for himself. Even though knew he was an emotional wreck, he was sick and tired of being controlled by others and he wanted to start taking command of his own life, even if that meant making the occasional wrong decision.
Opening up the car door, Tom followed Booker up the cement steps and into the building. They climbed the stairs to the third floor and he waited silently as Booker retrieved the key from Doug’s next-door neighbor. Dennis unlocked Penhall’s apartment door and walked inside and Tom trailed behind but he immediately began to feel dizzy as memories of his breakdown flooded into his mind. His chest constricted and he felt the onset of a panic attack beginning to take control of his body. As he started to tremble, he reached out and closing his eyes, he steadied himself against the wall. Blood pounded in his ears and his vision began to blur. As he struggled to breathe, he could hear Booker’s voice but he could not decipher the words and his panic increased. Confusion overwhelmed him and when he felt strong hands grasping his shoulders, he lashed out in terror. He was immediately immobilized by powerful arms and his fear intensified. “NO! NO! NO!” he screamed hysterically. “HELP ME! HELP ME! HELP ME!”
Seconds later, he was lying on his back fighting frantically to release his wrists from his attacker’s hold. As he continued to scream, he began to hear a voice calling to him through the thick fog that was consuming his mind. Opening his eyes, he saw Booker’s terrified face gazing down at him and the sudden realization that he was not being attacked completely overwhelmed him and he burst into tears.
Booker released his hold and gathered Tom into his arms. “Oh Jesus Tommy,” he whispered against his friend’s sweaty hair as he held him close. “It’s okay, it’s okay.”
A loud banging at the door startled Booker and he spun his head around in surprise when he heard a man’s voice yelling from the corridor. “What’s going on in there?”
Leaving Tom huddled on the floor, Booker scrambled to his feet and opened the door. Penhall’s next-door neighbor stood in the hallway wearing a worried expression and his eyes widened in curiosity when he spied Tom crying on the floor. “Is he all right?” the man asked nervously.
Booker suddenly felt fatigued by the events of the last few days and his shoulders sagged. “Not really,” he muttered. “But he will be, once I get him some help.”
The man nodded sympathetically. “He must be the one Doug called an ambulance for a week ago,” he replied knowingly. “He had some sort of breakdown and they kept him in hospital for a few days. Poor Doug felt terrible about it but I told him it was the best thing, that his friend needed professional help.”
Although shocked by the man’s words, Dennis kept his expression neutral. “Yeah,” he responded quietly. “That’s exactly what he needs.”
After thanking the man for his concern, he closed the door and stared down at Tom’s trembling form. He now knew that time was of the essence. Tom seemed to be getting worse and the sooner they returned to Nevada, the sooner he could find his friend the help he needed.
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Ask Me No Questions and I'll Tell You No Lies