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I surrender ... I survive	By : Eva Category: G through L > JAG Views: 8337 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own JAG, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
- 1-I surrender ... I survive
- 2-2
- 3-3
- 4-4
- 5-Part 5
- 3
- 4
- 5
~*~

I surrender � I survive

Part 4

~*~
It was the 24th of December now and Christmas was here, joy and happiness should have filled the Rabb house, but it didn�t.

Trish and Grams had come as soon as Harriet and the Admiral had called them.
xxx
�Come on Mac, get out of bed and take a shower. It�s Christmas, Tristan�s first Christmas.�

�He is a baby Grams, he doesn�t care.�

�But I do, get the hell out of bed and get dressed. Lunch is waiting and so are Tristan and Trish.�

�I don�t want to.�

�Do you want me to get angry with you? Harm may be missing but you have to take care of yourself and Tristan. It was his ��

�F� him,� Mac nearly screamed.

�What the hell Mac ��

�Well you know, your so holy grandson fucked me and left the next morning, telling me that I had made a mistake,� she yelled and tears were running like rivers down her reddish cheeks. She didn�t know that she could still cry, not after she had cried for the whole night.

Gram was standing there shocked. This hadn�t been planned. She had thought better of her grandson but having sex always involved two willing people, she remembered that. It may have been a long time since she had had sex, but she was remembering Harm�s grandpa like it had been yesterday, his strong shoulders, the big hands, the sensitive spot behind his ear.

Mac curled herself together in a ball, as well as possible, and started crying again. He had left her, telling that she was a slut, which was the true message on the sheet of paper.

�I am sure that he didn�t mean ��

�No Gram, please, he meant it. I just never thought ��

Gram sat down on the bed and pressed Mac�s whimpering, sobbing form against her small body. Mac was breakable now, nothing like the woman Harm had told her about, not the strong minded Marine he had described to her, no � he had broken her, broken all the walls down she had carefully built around her over the years.

�You enjoyed it?� the elderly woman asked carefully.

�Not really, but �� Mac started to remember Harm�s rough hands on her. She remembered the pain, the soreness of the morning but also the incredible heights she had reached with him, �but it was okay.�

�What happened Mac?� the motherly tone came through. And Mac told her the story, not every detail, but Gram nodded. Mac had cried herself back to sleep after finishing and Grandma Rabb knew that it wouldn�t be easy. She couldn�t tell Trish. Her dream had always been to have a daughter but no, she only had a son. And now she had a granddaughter whom she started to love more and more, day by day.

Her motherly instincts told her that Mac was insecure and hurt, that if Harm would come through the door this minute, she�d have to kill him for breaking Mac�s heart. But he was missing and Mac was not able to bear the loss.

But he has always had feelings for her, if not; he wouldn�t have had sex with her the night before he left. But how could he hurt her like this in the most sensitive time of her life?

Mac never really had a family, she told herself, and now she tries hard to establish her own, giving herself something she has never had � and he breaks her. Grams just couldn�t believe it. She slowly started to lose faith in her own grandson.
xxx
Later that day, shortly before dinner, Mac came downstairs. She was dressed in a loose white blouse with red stars on it and dark red trousers. She felt huge in them but okay.

�Oh look baby who is coming down,� Trish commented with a smile on her lips and Tristan on her arm. �Oh Mac, I thought, we could rearrange the master bedroom furniture after Christmas, so you can move in there as it is meant to be.� Mac only looked towards Trish. �It is your house now and you do not need to sleep in your own guestroom. And Renee�s stuff can be stored somewhere if Harm wants some stuff ��

After Mac had heard Harm�s name tears were swelling in her eyes again. Gram only shot her daughter-in-law a hard look.

Gram knew that it wasn�t easy for Trish either. She had lost her husband in war and now her son was missing and her only grandson would be raised without his parents in blood, but by a stranger. No, Mac wasn�t a stranger to Trish but she was not Tristan�s mother even if she liked her more than Renee.
All three sat down on the sofa and Trish gave Tristan the bottle. �I brought some catalogues over. I have no clue what you like, but everything is better than this white and pink, the way it is now. It is just, I don�t know � like a Barbie house!� Mac had to smile because she had thought the same the first time she entered it.

�I have still some of my stuff in New York � also for the twins.�

�Oh great, give me the address and I will organise everything,� Trish replied with a smile.

She had handed Mac a sheet of paper and she wrote the address and everything else down.

�So what colour for the nursery?�

�It is already yellow, I like that.�

�Mac, Tristan�s is too small for three beds, I thought about adopting one of the guestrooms as nursery for the moment because a bathroom na dia dirty baby is always a positive thing, and the nursery will become the playroom for example or we could put something else in there, like a study ��

�Harm�s study in here in the basement, there is no need ��

�Yeah right, one is enough if filled with law books.�

�I don�t know his, never been there,� Mac said while watching snowflakes falling.

�The main priority will be to get new furniture for the bedrooms and establish the big nursery. Are you okay with that Mac or do you have any other plans?�

�No it�s okay,� she said sadly thinking about all the hours she had put in her nursery in New York. �But I want the things from NY shipped in before we do anything on the nurseries.�

�Of course. I will get everything here by the 26th Mac and you control everything, colour, schemes of wallpaper, curtains � it�s just us to give you a hand and help you with Tristan.�

Tears welled up in their eyes. �We are to be a family,� Trish said and hugged Mac tightly. �You are family Mac. You are now the role model for Tristan, you may have not given birth to him but you are his mother now. I am not to tell him the truth later, that is not my business. By law, as far as I read you are his mother.�

�But Harm was married to Renee and everything.�

�Yes but the thing is that you are his mother now. He needs you and Harm wanted him to be with you and since Harm is missing now,� she said sadly, �you are the only relative to him.�

�No I am not.�
�You are, I am sure.�

�Okay, stop that now, it can wait till after Christmas.�

xx
xx
The Christmas morning was filled with the sound of Christmas songs, a happy baby and a very silent Mac. Gram and Trish surprised her with a breakfast in bed and Mac tried her best to be happy but she just wasn�t. This wasn�t what she had planned for her first Christmas as a mother, or a mother to be.
With the cup of tea in her hand Mac started to remember the night they had spent together �
How can I think I'm standing strong,
Yet feel the air beneath my feet?
How can happiness feel so wrong?
How can misery feel so sweet?
How can you let me watch you sleep,
Then break my dreams the way you do?
How can I have got in so deep?
Why did I fall in love with you?
How his hands felt on her skin, how it made her all tingly and hot. How she felt soft sweat running down her temple when he was in her.
This is the closest thing to crazy I have ever been
Feeling twenty-two, acting seventeen,
This is the nearest thing to crazy I have ever known,
I was never crazy on my own.
And now I know that there's a link between the two,
Being close to craziness and being close to you.
How he made her feel, feelings she hadn�t felt in a long; feelings she thought she would never feel again, emotions which were new but felt somehow familiar, like being home.
Those memories made her smile but also cry. Sweet tears. It was all so different from the night before it happened. She may have been angry about his behaviour towards his son but now she was hurt, her heart was broken.
How can you make me fall apart
Then break my fall with loving lies?
It's so easy to break a heart;
It's so easy to close your eyes.
How can you treat me like a child
Yet like a child I yearn for you?
How can anyone feel so wild?
How can anyone feel so blue?
xxx
Christmas went over silently. When Mac came downstairs to exchange presents, the ones she had bought with Harriet�s help a few days ago, Tristan was dressed in a baby Santa costume Grams had knitted the days before. Mac had to laugh heard when she saw him and both women laughed with her.

�This is for you,� Grams said and handed her a big box, �it�s something small. Don�t take it the wrong way Trish but Mac is the like the daughter I've never had,� she ended and placed a kiss on Mac�s forehead who was sitting on the sofa.

�You didn�t have to Grams.�

�Yes I did. Nevertheless it is Christmas and I wanted to give this to you.� Mac opened the box and saw a huge handmade quilt in front of her, �I made it a long ago for Harm�s wedding bed but it never felt right to give it to Renee. d thd this feeling � and now I want you to have it. It feels right to give it to you.�

�Oh Grams I don�t know what to say.�

�Say that you like it.�

�I don�t like it, I love it.�

Mac stood up and opened the quilt. It was huge and in light colours with some dark reddish highlights, with a double ring motif on it.

�It�s a double wedding ring motif. It should have been for his wedding night.�
�Grams as wonderful as it is, I can not take it.�

�Why not? I want to give it to you; I always wanted it to be yours after he started to tell me about his marine colleague.�

�He talked of me?�

�Always Mac, always. Mac here and Mac there and Mac thinks that I shouldn�t go back to flying and Mac thinks this.�

�Gosh yes, sometimes I asked him if he would be sure that you aren�t a couple yet but he always got quite angry with me when I teased him,� Trish commented sadly, �he always had something to tell about you. I felt like I knew you before we met, I knew everything and nothing. He never told me anything about your past or the alcohol problem you once had, that was Renee.�

�Let�s not talk about her today.�

�You all probably know that I am not very religious at all, but I think we should say a prayer for her up there, nevertheless she gave her life for Tristan,� Trish said softly.

�I thought the same some moments ago. She gave him life and he is still Harm�s son even if I never really liked her.� Mac said and turned towards Tristan, took him out of the seat and held him against her motherly chest and they all said a Holy Father and two Ave Marias for Renee and Trish added some words to it, thanking her for Tristan. After finishing it a big silence filled the room.
Mac gave a dark red wool cardigan to Grams and a new Cashmere pullover to Trish and Mac gave her some vouchers for a maternity clothes shop and some earrings. Mac had opened the small green box carefully not knowing what was inside. Trish sat down beside her when she had it open and stared at them.

�My mum gave them to me when I was pregnant with Harm,� she said softly and touched Mac�s arm. �We can not control other people�s decisions but we can push them in the right direction. I always thought those diamonds would look fantastic with your tanned skin and dark eyes.�

Mac was speechless. Nobody had ever given her something like that, never, not even Mick or Clayton, Chris or some other lover. She still hadn�t said a word. She was stunned, a little anxious but also shocked. She was family now. She had a family now. A family.

�God Trish, I don�t know what to say.�

�Just put them on for me,� begged Trish and Mac so. so. They indeed looked wonderful on her, complementing her darker skin and brown eyes, the reddish highlights in her now longer hair and her all-round glow.

xxx
It was nearly a month since Harm left for the Patrick Henry, more than two weeks since she last got contacted from an officer about Harm�s status as missing.
Trish and Grams pushed Mac into redecorating rooms. She was not in the mood for it and her health status was not letting her do much. Her back was killing her and she got big over Christmas. Harriet and AJ junior were over at her place a lot to help with Tristan and normal stuff she couldn�t reach or should not do in Harriet�s opinion.
So tomorrow, January 7, the four women wanted to start redecorating the bedroom � which meant packing all of Harm�s and Renee�s belongings into boxes. Mac insisted that Renee�s stuff was stored in the cellar so Harm could decide later what to do with it.
Mac was sitting on the floor with in the bedroom while the other woman took care of Tristan for a moment and started putting Renee�s underwear into the box. Mac smiled about the careful arranged sets in the drawer. In the second drawer she suddenly felt something hard under a bunch of bras and got it out � Renee�s Diary.
Firstly she was not sure what to do, if reading it would be incorrect but she could not resist.
�August 23rd

A day ago we finally got married. It was not easy to talk him into getting married but after I got pregnant it was an easy game. It is what I always wanted, him on my side, even for the price I will pay in the end.

I know that he wanted Mac to come but I was more than happy that he didn�t get any reply from her and that she was not there. I have this feeling that if she would have been here we would not be married now. She had always been in the way between us. Always.

But Mac, you never thought about having a child with him to solve all your problems did you? Nope you never did that, you have always been the good girl, and you left in the right moment.

She never thought about the pressure she put on Harm when she left without a word. He was furious and constantly in a bad mood. Once I even surprised him in the study when he held a picture of them, from the embassy I guess, in his hands and cried.

I always knew that he loves her and always will because there is a special bond between them. But it was me who got him in the end. And Mac probably never will know about the reasons behind all that.

I already know that probably I will not survive this pregnancy, all my sisters died at their first pregnancy, grandma. There is no medical reason for it, nothing you can proclaim, it just happens. But this way I even have the most wonderful weeks of my life spend with him.

The only thing that makes me angry is that he will not name our baby Harm. He said to me in no way because it does not feel right to him. Nevertheless it will be his baby, and only his, unfortunately.

Wedding nights are okay. I thought it would be more romantic and so on but it was okay. It is not like we have never had sex before. I am more than just pregnant. Harm only touches my belly if I ask him to, I think he doesn�t like all the stretch marks around it but those are signs of love, our love.

Before everything will find its end, I will show him the right paths through life. He will be there for the baby and never think back to Mac or somebody else.�
Mac read on a couple of days later.
�September 1st

Today he told me that in no way he will sleep with me again. The things I yelled at him made things impossible. He even got his books into the guestroom, the one with the greenish furniture, and told me that in no way I will speak about Mac like that again.

I cannot remember what I said but it was of course not friendly. I yelled at him again that he is my husband now and not hers, that she was not even at HIS wedding and she hasn't called or something else.

He only stared at me and told me what a hell of a bitch I am. That he already assumed that I planned all that to split them up.

Tonight is the first night he sleeps in the guest room. I don�t know what I have done or said to make him think it, nevertheless he is right.�
Mac, still sitting on the floor, couldn�t believe what she just read. Renee had planned all that. Slowly she got up and went to �her room� to hide the diary. She didn�t want Trish or Grams so see it, nor Harriet. It was not right. Not even she should have read those lines.
xxx
After storing all the things the new furniture arrived. Mac had decided not to take coloured wood furniture with a big four poster bed. The walls were painted in a special yellow, the curtains a special shade of red and over the fire place Mac rearranged all the photos of Harm and her she ever had taken.
The first night in this �new� bedroom felt strange. In the one corner were still all of Harm�s belongings and since she didn�t get any sleep she started to put Harm�s trousers, pullovers, shirts back into the new wardrobe.

Some of his shirts still smelled like him. It was also the reason why Mac decided to �steal� his Basketball shirt to sleep in.
xxx
Within two weeks the three women had redecorated the house. Mac�s role was to tell them if it was okay with her to paint the room in one or the other colour or not. Her former bedroom was the new nursery now, coloured in yellow with ducks on the sides. Three cribs were put next to each other, all in white with yellow cloth inlets with ducks. Mac had decided that she liked ducks best after Harriet talked her into deciding between ducks and mice. Mac had never liked mice.

But all in all Mac was not really into anything at the moment. She tried her best to give Tristan all the love he needed, cuddle him, bath with him and all those things but things were not going to get any easier during the next week till she would give bi

She had never told anybody about the diary but also has never read another page again. She felt uncomfortable.

The next day would be her first day back at work.
xxx
In the morning she fed Tristan his bottle who gave her a smile after burping and Grams who was staying with her, took him over. Mac was dressed in a maternity uniform she already felt uncomfortable with because she thought that she would look like she was wearing a tent.
But the moment she entered the bullpen for the first time again, she knew that she decided the right thing to go back to work � she felt completely at home again. Now only Harm had to be found, soon!
She wanted to tell him so many things, things which should have been said years ago.
xxx
It was Sunday January 22 when Mac was woken by the door bell. Only clad in Harm�s dark blue robe she headed downstairs.

�Give me a moment, I am coming,� she screamed e hee heading to the door. The moment she opened it, she was partly in shock but hopefully looking forward.

�Colonel McKenzie?�

�Yes that�s me,� Mac replied the soldier standing outside; �Do you want to come in for a moment?�

�Thanks, I am only here Colonel to tell you that we have found Commander Rabb. He will be transferred to Washington tomorrow.�
Mac just sat down on the soith ith a deep sigh. Finally, they had found him. She wanted to cry.

�Can you tell me how he is doing?�

�Of course I can Colonel,� he opened a notepad, �he is doing fine except for a light amnesia and the fact that he will probably never fly again because both of his legs are broken.� Mac stared at him in shock. �Nothing complicated Ma�m. As far as I can tell you, everything will be fine soon.�

�Good, I can not tell you how much that means to me. But what about the amnesia?�

�I don�t know you have to speak to the doctor yourself I guess.�

�Believe me, I will do that.�
xxx
On the next day Mac dressed into her best uniform and put Tristan in the small Navy uniform the admiral got him three days before. She put him into the baby carrier and called a cab.
The moment she arrived at the hospital, it was slightly after midday, she was told where she would find the doctor, to speak with him before speaking to the patient himself.
�Dr. Waltham,� she asked shyly, �I am Colonel McKenzie; I am here to speak with you��

�You are the relative of Commander Rabb?�

�Yes that�s right.�

�I was told that you maybe come over today to see him and talk to me. I only have to inform you about his status. The problem why he crashed into the desert was that he lost control over himself, partly. We only can assume what happened. Do you want to sit down?� he asked her studying her form carefully.

�Thanks a lot,� Mac replied and carefully lowered herself to the sofa.

�Okay you were told that he has two broken legs, nothing complicated, and a slight amnesia but the fact is that we had to relieve the pressure from his head. That is also why I wanted to talk to you before you visit him. Was he acting strange before he went back to the Patrick Henry?�

Mac went silent for a moment. He was different but he hadn�t seen him for months before all that had happened. Mac only stared against the wall.

�Was hre are aggressive? Or just acting differently?�

�I guess he was yes doctor. We didn�t see each other for quite some time before he left and then everything happened very quickly. But he was different. He��

�Okay, can you tell me in detail �?�

�Not much,� Mac took a deep breath. One hand was resting on her the other on Tristan�s belly. �I don�t know if he was more aggressive, he just tended to drink more since Renee, his wife, died but I thought it might be his form of grieving. Everything he said was somehow, I don�t know � he was different but I can not blame him, he lost his wife and the mother of his child.�

�Maybe it was just a bad timing but he relieved the pressure but when he crashed he must have hit his head pretty badly. He has some haematomas on his head and ribcage.�

�And about his legs?�

�It is nothing complicated but he will probably never go back to flying, at least not tomcats, privately maybe.�

Mac only nodded. �How far along are you if you allow me to ask?�

�Thirty-three weeks with twins.�

�So it will be soon that you give birth?�

�Honestly said, I cannot wait it is all getting a little onto me lately.�

�Have you already started with Lamaze classes?�

�No,� Mac nearly whispered and shook her head.

�Okay I see I make you uncomfortable, let�s go and see how the Commander is doing.�
Mac was nervous and even noticed some butterflies in her stomach. How long had it been since she felt that?
xxx
Doctor Waltham opened the door slowly and together they entered the room.

�Harm,� Mac nearly whispered and stared at him. She was more nervous then ever before, even more than before her almost-wedding, more than before the insemination.

He only stared back at her, not saying a word.

�He hasn�t said much yet,� Doctor Waltham commented silently.

Mac put the baby carrier onto the desk near the wall and got Tristan out. Slowly she moved with the baby towards Harm�s side and sat down on the bed.
She noticed that Harm started to study her carefully. Harm was not smiling, nor saying anything.

The next thing Mac noticed was Harm�s hand softly touching his son�s face.

�I don�t know ��

�I know Harm, I know. You will remember everything.�

�I only know that you left ��

�But I am back.�

�And pregnant.�

�Yes I am and this is your son, Harm, Tristan.�

�Tristan �,� he said with a sad smile.

�He is your and Renee�s son.�

�Renee�s?�

�Yes, but unfortunately she died at his birth.�

�Do not tell me please, I do not want to know it.�

�Doctor Waltham, when will he be able to leave the hospital?�
�It depends on his head and how the legs heal but with0 da0 days I would say.�

Nobody said anything else till the doctor left the room.

�Can I hold him?� Harm asked carefully and Mac helped to arrange Tristan correctly in his arm. This was the image Mac had pictured carefully over the last weeks. In his left arm he had his son and the right was closed over Mac�s hand. Harm was looking incredible pleased with his surroundings.
xxx
For the next ten days Mac visited Harm daily after work and sometimes even in her lunch break. Harm�s mom and Grams tried to be with Tristan a lot. But not everything went that smoothly. Harm started to remember one or the other thing slowly, he remembered the fact that Renee died, that Mac came to Renee�s funeral and that he wanted her to take care of Tristan and never see either of them ever again.
Too quickly for him the day arrived in which he should come back �home�. Harm was not sure what he had to expect. He remembered too much of what he had said to his grandma and Mac. He was told that all that was caused by the pressure on his brain, that it was the reason for his aggressive behaviour but he was not able to excuse himself.
The Admiral and Trish picked him up and helped him into the car; put the wheelchair in the back. He hoped that Mac would be around but after all he remembered, he didn�t wonder that she was not there.
But the moment he entered the house he felt home. He did not really remember much of his house, except for the fact that he had signed the papers to give it officially to Mac.

His stepfather helped him to settle down on the sofa and brought him something to drink.

�Where is Mac, mom?� he asked.

�She is at the doctor.�

�Something happened?� he asked with some fear in his voice.

�No, it is just the routine check up. You know that she is 33 weeks along and it could be any day that she goes into labour.�

�No I didn�t know that, I didn�t think ��

�She has two weeks more at work, two weeks in which a nurse will help you around most of the day but Mac made it clear that after those two weeks she is sure that you are back on your feet and can do much of the stuff alone. Your legs are doing fine now and I really beg you not to be a pain in the ass Harm.�

�I never am,� he said with lots of humour.

�You always are,� replied Mac who had entered the house.

�Good to see you,� he said with a smile dancing on his lips.

�Thanks. Here you can have your son while I get into something comfortable,� she replied and lay the baby on Harm�s chest.

Yet he realised Mac�s increasing size, he watched her carefully from his place how she walked upstairs, one hand resting on her belly the other one carefully on the banister.
A couple of minutes later she came back in a dark blue sweat combination he remembered to be his.

�It looks good on you.�

�It is okay I guess. Since it is Saturday, what do you want to eat?�

�I want to talk to you Mac.�

�Not hungry?�

�No, not after all I remember.�

�Harm, please let me grab something to eat first, let them all head home and then, if you still want, we can talk.�

�Where am I about to sleep?�

�Frank and AJ will bring you upstairs to your bedroom and tomorrow the mobile nurses will help you a little and we will try to get a bed into the study, if you want to.�

�I�t c�t care; I mean for me it is not important. It has to be comfortable for you Mac. I don�t want you to ��

�Harm, I may be pregnant but I can still climb stairs and handle myself perfectly.�
xxx
They left late and Mac was pretty tired but after AJ and Frank had carried Harm upstairs, the wheelchair too, she only made them some sandwiches and brought it upstairs. Tristan was already asleep in his bed, in the nursery. Harm had insisted that Mac would stay in the master bedroom and he�d take a guestroom.

Mac brought him his sandwich and a glass of iced tea he asked her for and left the room. During this short visit Haad bad been at the bathroom taking care of his beard.
An hour later Mac heard a soft knock on her door, she looked around.

�Come in,� she replied. Slowly the door opened and Harm helped himself in. He was only clad in boxer shorts and a shirt because Frank had helped him changed earlier.

�We have to talk Mac,� Harm said and wheeled a little more towards Mac who had climbed back onto bed.

�Okay, so you can start if you want,� she said monotonous.

For a couple of seconds he only studied her. She was wearing a cotton nighty, greenish which fit her like a second skin.

�Mac, I do not know what I should tell you. I am not 100 percent sure about all events of my past yet, but I know that I am sorry of what happened between us. Okay this got out wrong; I am not sorry that we slept with each other but the way how it happened and that I left the next day with this note.� Mac looked up from her hands towards Harm who was next to her. �I was angry, yes that is true, because you left without telling me. You just were away suddenly and nobody was willing to tell me where you are.�

�Nobody except AJ knew it.�

�But he never told me, I only wanted ��

�I asked him not to, Harm, it was hard enough this way,� she said with a whisper and put a hand on her belly to calm the babies down, who tried to dance Mambo inside her.

�I want to tell you that I am really sorry for everything. I left you a message at the office that Renee was back � Grams told me that you never got it.�

�I never got anything, Harm, really.�

�Is that the reason why you left? Because you felt betrayed?�

�It is not that easy.�

�Tell me, please Mac,� Harm begged and reached for Mac�s hand.

She took a deep breath, traced small circles on her belly, and started to tell him. �You know it had been five years when she came back, exactly five years? Our deal was nearly due and I was looking forward to it. It was my only chance at the moment, I really looked forward to it. Suddenly you cancelled our �date� and then the next thing I hear is that you are going to be a daddy! What do you think I would feel like? I always thought that we are best friends ��

�We were. I was completely overwhelmed. Every time I tried to catch you for Lunch you were at court and at night you seem occupied with different things. I thought you had noticed it, that somebody had told you.�

�Nobody did,� she said and a single tear was running down her cheap and she tried to hide it.

�Do not cry Mac, please,� Harm whispered and helped himself onto the bed, it took some time but some time later he was sitting next to Mac and holding her in his arms, calming her down, but she let her tears soak into his shirt. �I never wanted to hurt you Mac, not in any way. I am so sorry,� he said and nearly started to cry too.
xxxxxxxxx
End Part 4

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I surrender ... I survive