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Home Unknown	By : katecooley Category: S through Z > Xena Views: 15190 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Xena, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Same junk as before. See part one for all the jargon.

Part IV - Reading the Fine Print and Serving a Short Stint

"I did WHAT?"

A harsh pain flared along the edges of Strife�s skin. Rejection hurt, no matter how you sliced it. Even if it was necessary. "You said �in your service.� You say that and�"

"And I�m in your service." Joxer wiped his hand over his face. And he�d thought yesterday stunk. "Does it count that I did it without meaning to?"

"Prob�ly not." Strife sighed unhappily. As much as he would have liked an adult worshipper who wasn�t totally banana-cakes, he wasn�t keen on forcing himself on someone�s faith, either. Seemed kind of desperate. And he wasn�t that. Never that. "Unc�s gonna kill me. Pound me. Turn me into mulch for his garden. Grind me up and feed me to Greagie. Spread my dismembered body parts to all points of the compass�" It went on like that for some time, Strife bemoaning his increasingly graphic and gruesome fate.

Until finally, Cupid spoke up for the first time since delivering the news. "It won�t be that bad." He�d materialized one of the dusty scrolls from the House of Intellect, where all this kind of stuff was kept, and he�d been reading up while his cousin and the mortal freaked out all over his breakfast nook. Leave it to them to make him act logical. It was so against his godhood. And reading all those long, multi-syllable nonsense words someone had so thoughtfully added was giving him eyestrain. Couldn�t they just say what they needed to say and have done with it? Must everything from Intellect be a huge, showy production?

"Are you kiddin�? He�s gonna fillet and shish-kebab me for stealin� one of his. You think it matters I didn�t go out to do it? This is power bases we�re talkin� about here. Plus�" Strife gestured sharply to Joxer, which confused the mortal completely, although Cupid seemed to understand.

"Right. Except you didn�t."

"Semantics. I�m still dead. Again." Strife�s pout was interrupted by a friendly nudge of his cousin�s sandaled foot on his thigh. He was almost positive that Cupid hadn�t meant for his toes to brush Mischief�s leather-clad package, but they did. Slowly. Softly. Ooh. And whether or not he�d meant to start a foot-job, it did distract Strife from thinking about meeting up with their Great Uncle a second time. Though had he the blood left in his brain, he�d have considered what messing around with Ares� first-born would have gotten him. Stealing Joxer would have been a fond memory compared to that whomping.

"Pay attention." Cupid shifted in his seat, turning to face the distraught mortal man. "Jox, did you mean to bail on Pops and take up with Strife?" A shake of his head. No. "OK, cool. Tell me exactly what you said." Joxer�s mouth worked a few times, but no sound came out. "Never mind. I�ll skim it out." Gently, Cupid�s broad hand rested on Joxer�s forehead and he mentally weeded through the past couple of days worth of speech until he found the piece-meal prayer. Carefully, slowly, he let the words drift through his mind until it was finished. Then, he released Joxer�s head and resisted patting it. As docile and easy-going as Joxer was anyway, Cupid was sure that would be pushing the limit. "I�m not gonna lie, Jox. You�re stuck with Strife." He threw up a hand to silence any and all whining. "But it�s not as bad as you think."

"It can�t be," the God of Mischief groaned and whined at the same time.

"Since you didn�t give the traditional �dedication� prayer, according to this," he tapped the scroll with a firm finger, "you�re still God of War property. In perpetuity. Which means no rage, no killing, and no Pops the Grumpy Psychotic hunting you down until the ends of time."

A huge relieved breath left Joxer and his posture slumped, making him lean back into his chair. "So, what�s the deal then? What did I do to myself?"

"You pretty much set the terms yourself in the wording. That part where you said, �May the morrow come soon that I might repay you for this kindness.� Pretty much, you put yourself in debt for staying the night. And since you put yourself in Strife�s service�"

"Unc is not gonna like this, Cupe." Strife�s sing-song sounded defeated. "I�m not s�posedta mess with followers unless he asks�"

"Which, if you went out of your way to cause this, would probably mean a lot of nasty scrapes and gouges and extended war-dog-walking duty. But you didn�t. This is a simple case of favor and repayment. He can�t have a problem with that."

"You don�t know Unc so well, do ya?"

"By decree, doofus." Cupid shook the scroll at his cousin. "Athena really needs to watch herself with the paper-trails. This is one of her dandies." The God of Love straightened out the paper and read. " �And whosoever shall give unto a mortal a boon of chance shall be returned said kindness threefold or until the nearest solstice, whichever shall occur first. This shall be and so shall it be said. No vengeance or repercussions shall be heaped upon said mortal by her or his dedicated deity, provided the aforementioned service does not become permanent. Filching or usurping of a fellow deity�s power source is strictly forbidden. So shall it be marked here and anon��" Cupid brought his gaze back up to his tablemates. "It kinda goes on like that for four or five more paragraphs. Pretty much the same thing, mostly directed at Mom and Pops. You know how Aunt Thenie gets when a bug climbs up the ol� toga."

"Like Unc needs to lift any of her tight-ass followers." Strife snorted unhappily. "So tell me the part where Unc can�t smite me into dust."

"It�s an official decree. Long-winded and pompous, but official. You can borrow Joxer, but you can�t keep him." Cupid shrugged casually. "Pops may get put out about sharing, but in the end, he�s still got what�s his. No smiting necessary." He cast an eye to the mortal. "For either of you."

"I dunno�" Strife couldn�t help but seem skeptical.

"And if it�s official, Ares really can�t� blast us?" Joxer sounded hopeful. He really envisioned living past his late twenties and being blown to smithereens wasn�t going to help that any.

"He might want to blow something up," Cupid rerolled the scroll and held it out to Joxer, easing it into the mortal�s hand. "But he�s not dumb. He knocks you out and he loses mucho energy doing it. Never mind one of his biggest producers."

"I�m one of his biggest� but I�m not even�" Unknowingly, Joxer tucked the scroll away in his trousers. "How can that be true if I�m still�" pathetic.

"It doesn�t work like that." Cupid sat back again and noshed another sweetcake. "Talent in a given field doesn�t give us power. It�s nice, shows folks care an� stuff, but what really amps up the juice is devotion. One prayer from the truly faithful is worth a hundred guys with skill."

"So, even if I�m a crappy warrior and trip over my own feet every four steps, because I�m loyal and devout, I�m worth more to Ares than, like, warlords? Even Xena?" All his disbelief flooded that last word.

A smirk took hold of Cupid�s mouth, though it looked fond. "Dude, you have no idea how much more." A nudge to his knee under the table, an almost imperceptible caress in it, brought his attention to his cousin, whose pale, now-calmer face belied the foot-caress. For a second, there was all possibility, but Cupid reminded himself it was probably the locale playing on his cousin.

"As a follower, cuz." Black eyebrows rose up once.

"Yeah, that too." The nudge came back, much harder this time. In fact, it was more of a kick to his shin than a nudge to his knee. Anything he might have thought was there before was nowhere near this one. Only a smart spark of pain that brought him around from several very naughty thoughts about his father and the man in front of him. "I mean, of course! As a follower! Even when she was all big and mean, Xena was only as attentive to worship as she needed to keep the favors coming. Otherwise�" Cupid smiled and rolled his eyes, thinking of his half-sister�s love of hubris. "Well, let�s just say she can get too big for her britches sometimes."

Joxer found himself grinning, too. "Yeah, well, don�t assume that working for peace changed that any." A not-unfamiliar thought grazed on a field in his brain - the notion that all that the warrior princess had told him about that gods was unrelentingly biased and one-sided and deluded and full of cheese. A notion he�d definitely entertained before, but now� The God of Mischief had a laugh, not just a maniacal giggle. The God of Love, while still cool and laid-back, also had a wickedly astute view of things. Guessing had nothing over physical proof, and here it was. The two gods from two vastly different houses were chummy with an ease that dashed to bits all those stories of angst-on-Olympus he�d ever heard. And instead of chaining him to the wall for a thousand years of torture, they were chatting him up like a member of the family back from travel. This was weird. Actually, weird didn�t start to begin to explain it. Ultra-extra-not-happening-in-this-lifetime-weird was closer. And yet somehow�

"Still thinks she�s bigger than Unc, huh?" Strife plucked some bluish-purple fruit from a bowl that materialized nearby and started shucking its thick skin off. "An� she wonders why she�s still wanderin� around in the outdoors."

"I don�t know what to tell you about Xena, Jox," Cupid�s good humor about it didn�t fade any, but concern for the mortal snuck in around the edges. "She can be awfully thick sometimes. About us, about others� friends�"

Joxer nodded slightly, his nose scrunching up in concentration. Something was missing. Ever since he�d woken up, he�d had this feeling of drifting inside him, as if something was shrinking or lessening or growing smaller. But he couldn�t place it. Odd.

"Can�t feel it anymore, can you." Not a question. The God of Love knew the truth. It had, in fact, been his intention all along in bringing Joxer there. "You�ve said Xena�s name a couple of times without flinching. I assume that means�"

And then, he followed along. Last night� had it been last night? It should have felt much fresher than that, but the hollow ache that had driven him was only a faint twinge. "Huh. That�s weird. It�s almost like�"

"Like a distant memory?" Blond curls bobbed, a grown up version of the future God of Joy and Pleasure. "It�s the Hall. Every house on Olympus is like that. If Strife had taken you back to Pop�s, you�d probably be hurling crockery against the wall and swearing like a Roman general. Since you�re here, the heartache is being smothered by the good, happy vibes. That Bliss was there when you woke up probably moved it along. Just a little healing help from your friendly neighborhood love gods."

"Thanks, I think. I mean, I should be thankful, but, it�s like�"

"A hole in you. I know. That sucks. One of the reasons I really hate the job some days. Some things I just can�t fix all at once." Cupid shrugged almost sadly. "It�ll run its course, but I at least dulled it a little."

"Thanks." Joxer waited for that familiar pang in his chest but it never came. Gods were helping him. File that under �ultra-extra-not-happening-in-this-lifetime� again

"No prob." Cupid�s wings fluttered a little, shifting and settling. Felt like company was on the way, a little static making his feathers twitch. But it seemed distant, almost like� Ohh, this is going to get interesting. He knew the energy signal scanning his grotto, specifically the immediate area. There was going to be major freakage.

"So, what�s the job I have to do?" Joxer�s gaze leveled at the God of Mischief, who was getting a residual buzz from the whole situation and didn�t notice the faint blue shimmer around all his metal fixings. The pale godling�s slim shoulders shrugged.

"Ya got me. I mean, I guess I could run ya around for a while. I hate doin� legwork." A quick scratch of his head. For some reason, Strife�s scalp was tingling. "There�s that thing in Pylos I gotta finish, an� I can always use an extra hand."

"Yeah, just don�t eat anything while you�re there," Cupid chuckled, lofting his brow to his cousin.

"An� lightin� a campfire might be dicey," A snickering snort came from the darker god.

"I� huh?" Joxer hated coming in on the middle of things. And from the way the other two were laughing, it had to be good.

"I, uh, spiced up the menu a tad," Strife puffed up proudly, happy of his job well done. "Right about now, it should smell like the day after the annual Kidney Bean Festival."

Joxer was a second from getting it - in fact, his brain was sending the appropriate �fart-joke� response down the pipe - when one of the gods, though he couldn�t tell which, made the appropriate noise with a non-offensive body part. Which cracked all three of them up. Joxer could only imagine it - Pylos tended to be a touch stuffy and that particular population affected with uncontrollable poots was too funny to take. Helping Strife out there actually sounded like fun. For the first time since it had been explained, he was kind of looking forward to this service thing.

The feeling didn�t last.

A loud crackle of energy sounded out in the main hub of the circular room, behind Joxer�s back and out of his sight. but he didn�t need to look. The feel of his god�s proximity lit his skin on fire, making him flush and shiver at the same time. Those dark eyes bore into his back, looking right into him. Joxer worked to make sure he wasn�t hyperventilating or anything. That would be bad. Both gods with him shot each other one long last look before turning to the new visitor in the Hall of Love, their sniggers masking any nervous reaction.

"Hey Pops."

"Heya, Unc."

"I�m not interrupting anything, am I?" Still laughing, Joxer felt the need to faint well up at the sound of that deep grumble. He had the feeling he was about to get it. And not in the way he�d always dreamed of.

-tbc-
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