It Changes Everything | By : IrenaAdler Category: M through R > NUMB3RS Views: 4228 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I do not own NUMB3RS, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. |
The sunlight was fading by the time they finally ran out of
conversational steam. Maybe it was just
wishful thinking on Colby’s part but Charlie seemed to be breathing easier and
sweating less.
At some point in the last few hours, Colby had unconsciously
started combing his fingers through Charlie’s curls. Charlie hadn’t complained so Colby continued. He wanted to trace the shape of Charlie’s
ears, run his fingers down Charlie’s throat, but he was quite happy just playing
with Charlie’s hair.
Charlie was fighting to keep his eyes open, his speech
slurring. Colby wished he could let him
sleep, but he’d promised. He was determined
to keep all promises he’d made to Charlie, whether Charlie knew of them or
not. At the moment, Colby couldn’t act
on his vow to not let anything more happen to Charlie but he could keep him
awake.
Time to pull out the
big secrets.
Colby took a deep breath, as deep as he could manage. “Did you know that I have a little girl?”
Charlie blinked at him, his eyes coming more into
focus. “You do?”
“Yeah, she’s four and a half and lives in Michigan with her mom.”
“You were married?”
“No, no, Jenny and I never got married. We were only together for a few months. Nena was a mistake, at least on my side. Not sure about Jenny.”
Charlie looked thoughtful.
“Nena.”
“Yeah. When Jenny got
pregnant, she wanted to get married, but it was already over between us. Jenny has always been very … wild. I didn’t see any point in getting married if
marriage wouldn’t mean anything to her.
But I did make sure that I got partial custody.”
“What’s Nena like?”
“She’s a great little girl.
I send Jenny money every month to take care of her, but I have no idea
if she actually spends it on her.”
“See her?”
Colby grimaced. “Only
a few times a year. But I do get her for
two whole weeks a year.”
“Fishing.”
“You’re right, Charlie, you’re so smart.” Colby tried to keep his voice casual. He didn’t want Charlie to know what telling
him about Nena meant. Not even his
family knew about Nena. “That week I
took off in the spring and the other one in the fall to go fishing, I actually
spent with Nena. We went to the zoo and
to the park and just hung out. Every time
I see her she’s gotten so much bigger …”
“Does Don know?”
“No,” Colby stroked
Charlie’s sweaty forehead then nervously returned to his hair. “I’ve never told anyone about her.”
“Why?”
“Because … because I couldn’t stand to have people ask me
about her.”
“Whatcha mean?”
Colby looked away from Charlie’s brown eyes. He desperately didn’t want to talk about
this, but Charlie did seem to be more awake.
“I mean that I try most of the time to forget about her,”
Colby said slowly. “I can’t stand that I
can’t see her more often. That Jenny
won’t let me. I worry … I worry that my little
girl will soon hate me.”
“Why’s that?”
“Because of Jenny.
Because a little girl doesn’t understand why her father can’t be
around.”
“Oh,” Charlie said.
“I’d like to meet her.”
Colby smiled. “You
like kids?”
“Sometimes. Not
babies, babies scare me. They can’t talk.”
“True,” Colby agreed wryly.
“Wow,” Charlie said. “You’re a daddy.”
“Yeah. Not a very
good daddy, but still a daddy.”
“I’m sure you’re a good daddy,” Charlie said
“Thanks,” Colby said uncomfortably. “Don’t tell anyone about her, okay?”
“Okay.”
They lapsed into silence, but it was an awake silence. Colby gazed at the grill of their
prison. The sun must be setting
outside. He wondered what ransom demand
had been made and what the reaction had been.
He tried very hard not to think about Nena or the man whose head was
resting against his stomach.
“Colby,” Charlie asked suddenly. “Why did you call me ‘angel’?”
Colby tried to smile.
“I was just testing to see if you were awake.”
Charlie looked up at him.
“I don’t believe you.”
There wasn’t any safe response to that so Colby said
nothing, his fingers continuing their rhythmic stroking of Charlie’s hair.
“I’m not as oblivious as everyone says I am,” Charlie
said. “I’ve noticed you watching me.”
Colby bit his lip and didn’t meet Charlie’s eyes.
“Why do you always watch me and why is it always you that
comes to my office now?” Charlie
asked. When it became clear that Colby
wasn’t going to answer, Charlie said, “Colby?
Please talk to me.”
Colby mumbled, “What do you want me to say?”
Charlie twisted around so that he had a good view of Colby’s
face. “Tell me the truth.”
Colby realized his hand was shaking, so he took it out of
Charlie’s hair and clenched it by his side.
Finally he said, “I … I find you … interesting.”
“Interesting like a new weird species of bug?”
“No. Not like a bug.”
“Then how?” Charlie
pressed, his brown eyes demanding.
Colby gave a humorless laugh. “I think I better stop talking now.”
“Please don’t,” Charlie said. “I’m sorry I’m making you uncomfortable but I
have to know.”
Charlie’s eyes drew an unwilling response from Colby. “Why do you have to know?”
“I …” Charlie frowned.
“I spent a lot of my life being afraid of people. But there’s something about a near-death experience
… or maybe an ‘I might soon be dead anyway’ experience that helps with the fear
thing.”
“I’m not going to let you die,” Colby swore.
“I know,” Charlie said quietly. “Somehow I know that. But I need to know why. Is it just 'cause I’m an asset to the
FBI? Your boss’s brother? A cute goofy kid?”
Colby pressed his lips together.
“Colby,” Charlie pushed. “Are you … interested in me? Like, romantically?”
Colby flinched. “God,
Charlie, don’t make me say it.”
Charlie reached down and took Colby’s shaking hand in
his. “I need to hear it.”
“What will it change?”
“I don’t know, maybe nothing, maybe everything.”
Colby closed his eyes then opened them again. He needed to look at Charlie while he said
this. He strained to see Charlie’s face
in the fading light. “Yes, Charlie,”
Colby said softly. “I’m interested in you, romantically.”
Charlie’s expression didn’t change. He just looked at Colby for a long
moment. Colby felt like all the blood
had drained out of him and his body was collapsing in on itself.
“I’m glad,” Charlie said at last, almost too quiet for Colby
to hear.
“You are?” Colby’s
heart lurched back into beating.
“Yeah,” Charlie whispered.
“You mean you …”
“Maybe,” Charlie said. “I don’t know. I’m not real good at figuring out what I
feel. Emotions are like this big
unsolvable puzzle to me. I never even
considered that I might … Not until
David.”
“I almost killed him, you know,” Colby said. He took the hand that wasn’t gripped in
Charlie’s and ran a trembling finger down Charlie’s cheek. “When I found out that he’d … with you. I almost killed him.”
“Why?” Charlie’s eyes
were big in his pale face.
“Because … Because there was no way that he could care for
you the way I do.”
“You care for me?”
Charlie asked, his voice still questioning.
“A hell of a lot,” Colby said firmly, needing Charlie to
understand, to believe him.
“Why?” Charlie asked
again.
“Charlie,” Colby sighed.
“Do you really need me to sit here and tell you all the reasons why
someone would care for you?”
“I wouldn’t mind,” Charlie admitted then added, “I just
don’t seem your type.”
“And what would my type be?”
Colby asked, amused in spite of his discomfort.
“Athletic, macho. Well,
like Don.”
“Don is smart and sexy and incredible, but he’s not you.”
“No?” Charlie asked
in a small voice.
Colby studied Charlie’s face in the last fading rays of
light. It was amazing that underneath
the richly-deserved arrogance of a world-class mathematician was an unsure
young man with a terrible inferiority complex about his big brother.
Colby stroked Charlie’s cheek with the back of his
hand. “You are my type.”
“What type is that?”
“The Charlie-type.
There is only one of this type in the world.”
“But Don … and David … and there had to have been lots of others in
your life.”
“Charlie,” Colby said with a tired sigh. The pain of his ribs kept him from taking
deep breaths and he was feeling lightheaded and exhausted. Not the sort of conversation he wanted to be
having when he wasn’t on top of his game.
But here he was, so he was going to have to muddle through it. He shook his head. “You can’t really expect to be the first person
I’ve cared about, the first person I slept with.”
Raising his eyebrows, Charlie said, “Presuming a great deal,
aren’t you?”
Colby winced. “I
didn’t mean— I just meant that you
matter a lot to me.”
“You probably say the same thing to Don or David.”
“Dammit, Charlie,” Colby snapped. “I love you but you can be a--,” he stopped
cold, horrified. Oh god, what did I just say?
Charlie said smugly, “Thank you. That’s what I wanted to hear.”
Colby groaned and rested his head back against the
wall. He’d just told Charlie, point
blank, that he loved him. He would give
his right leg if he could just take those words back. Stupid,
stupid, stupid.
“Colby?” Charlie’s
voice was quiet, subdued.
Colby opened his eyes and looked at Charlie. In the faint light remaining, he could barely
see Charlie’s face, let alone read his expression. “What?” he asked brusquely.
“I’m sorry, sorry for pushing you, but I had to know.” Charlie squeezed the hand that still held
Colby’s. “What if we die here?”
Colby’s anger deflated.
“If we die here, then I’m glad I told you.” And if
we don’t die here, I may wish that I had.
“Me too,” Charlie said.
He lifted up Colby’s hand and pressed his lips against Colby’s
wrist.
Colby shivered, a faint hope stirring underneath his
self-disgust.
Charlie pulled Colby’s hand so that Colby’s arm was again wrapped
around Charlie’s shoulders. He kept a
tight grip on Colby’s hand and snuggled deeper into his lap.
“I think I’m going to sleep now,” Charlie said groggily.
“But you said—“
“I feel safe now,” Charlie murmured. “You make me feel
safe.”
Colby stared down at the dim shape of Charlie. He had no idea what to think, what to
feel. A grey blanket was covering his
mind and he knew that his body was cashing in the IOU he’d written to get
himself this far. He could no longer
keep his eyes open, could no longer remember why he needed to. He rested his free hand against Charlie’s
cheek and spiraled into sleep.
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