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It Changes Everything	By : IrenaAdler Category: M through R > NUMB3RS Views: 4228 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own NUMB3RS, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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The sunlight was fading by the time they finally ran out of
conversational steam.� Maybe it was just
wishful thinking on Colby�s part but Charlie seemed to be breathing easier and
sweating less.�

At some point in the last few hours, Colby had unconsciously
started combing his fingers through Charlie�s curls.� Charlie hadn�t complained so Colby continued.� He wanted to trace the shape of Charlie�s
ears, run his fingers down Charlie�s throat, but he was quite happy just playing
with Charlie�s hair.

Charlie was fighting to keep his eyes open, his speech
slurring.� Colby wished he could let him
sleep, but he�d promised. �He was determined
to keep all promises he�d made to Charlie, whether Charlie knew of them or
not.� At the moment, Colby couldn�t act
on his vow to not let anything more happen to Charlie but he could keep him
awake.

Time to pull out the
big secrets.

Colby took a deep breath, as deep as he could manage.� �Did you know that I have a little girl?�

Charlie blinked at him, his eyes coming more into
focus.� �You do?�

�Yeah, she�s four and a half and lives in Michigan with her mom.�

�You were married?�

�No, no, Jenny and I never got married.� We were only together for a few months.� Nena was a mistake, at least on my side.� Not sure about Jenny.�

Charlie looked thoughtful.�
�Nena.�

�Yeah.� When Jenny got
pregnant, she wanted to get married, but it was already over between us.� Jenny has always been very � wild.� I didn�t see any point in getting married if
marriage wouldn�t mean anything to her.�
But I did make sure that I got partial custody.�

�What�s Nena like?�

�She�s a great little girl.��
I send Jenny money every month to take care of her, but I have no idea
if she actually spends it on her.�

�See her?�

Colby grimaced.� �Only
a few times a year.� But I do get her for
two whole weeks a year.�

�Fishing.�

�You�re right, Charlie, you�re so smart.�� Colby tried to keep his voice casual.� He didn�t want Charlie to know what telling
him about Nena meant.� Not even his
family knew about Nena.� �That week I
took off in the spring and the other one in the fall to go fishing, I actually
spent with Nena.� We went to the zoo and
to the park and just hung out.� Every time
I see her she�s gotten so much bigger ��

�Does Don know?�

�No,�� Colby stroked
Charlie�s sweaty forehead then nervously returned to his hair.� �I�ve never told anyone about her.�

�Why?�

�Because � because I couldn�t stand to have people ask me
about her.�

�Whatcha mean?�

Colby looked away from Charlie�s brown eyes.� He desperately didn�t want to talk about
this, but Charlie did seem to be more awake.

�I mean that I try most of the time to forget about her,�
Colby said slowly.� �I can�t stand that I
can�t see her more often.� That Jenny
won�t let me.� I worry � I worry that my little
girl will soon hate me.�

�Why�s that?�

�Because of Jenny.�
Because a little girl doesn�t understand why her father can�t be
around.�

�Oh,� Charlie said.�
�I�d like to meet her.�

Colby smiled.� �You
like kids?�

�Sometimes.� Not
babies, babies scare me.� They can�t talk.�

�True,� Colby agreed wryly.��

�Wow,� Charlie said. �You�re a daddy.�

�Yeah.� Not a very
good daddy, but still a daddy.�

�I�m sure you�re a good daddy,� Charlie said

�Thanks,� Colby said uncomfortably.� �Don�t tell anyone about her, okay?�

�Okay.�

They lapsed into silence, but it was an awake silence.� Colby gazed at the grill of their
prison.� The sun must be setting
outside.� He wondered what ransom demand
had been made and what the reaction had been.�
He tried very hard not to think about Nena or the man whose head was
resting against his stomach.

�Colby,� Charlie asked suddenly. ��Why did you call me �angel�?�

Colby tried to smile.�
�I was just testing to see if you were awake.�

Charlie looked up at him.�
�I don�t believe you.�

There wasn�t any safe response to that so Colby said
nothing, his fingers continuing their rhythmic stroking of Charlie�s hair.

�I�m not as oblivious as everyone says I am,� Charlie
said.� �I�ve noticed you watching me.�

Colby bit his lip and didn�t meet Charlie�s eyes.

�Why do you always watch me and why is it always you that
comes to my office now?� �Charlie
asked.� When it became clear that Colby
wasn�t going to answer, Charlie said, �Colby?�
Please talk to me.�

Colby mumbled, �What do you want me to say?�

Charlie twisted around so that he had a good view of Colby�s
face.� �Tell me the truth.�

Colby realized his hand was shaking, so he took it out of
Charlie�s hair and clenched it by his side.�
Finally he said, �I � I find you � interesting.�

�Interesting like a new weird species of bug?�

�No.� Not like a bug.�

�Then how?�� Charlie
pressed, his brown eyes demanding.

Colby gave a humorless laugh.� �I think I better stop talking now.�

�Please don�t,� Charlie said. ��I�m sorry I�m making you uncomfortable but I
have to know.�

Charlie�s eyes drew an unwilling response from Colby.� �Why do you have to know?�

�I �� Charlie frowned.�
�I spent a lot of my life being afraid of people.� But there�s something about a near-death experience
� or maybe an �I might soon be dead anyway� experience that helps with the fear
thing.�

�I�m not going to let you die,� Colby swore.

�I know,� Charlie said quietly. �Somehow I know that.� But I need to know why.� Is it just 'cause I�m an asset to the
FBI?� Your boss�s brother?� A cute goofy kid?�

Colby pressed his lips together.

�Colby,� Charlie pushed. ��Are you � interested in me?� Like, romantically?�

Colby flinched.� �God,
Charlie, don�t make me say it.�

Charlie reached down and took Colby�s shaking hand in
his.� �I need to hear it.�

�What will it change?�

�I don�t know, maybe nothing, maybe everything.�

Colby closed his eyes then opened them again.� He needed to look at Charlie while he said
this.� He strained to see Charlie�s face
in the fading light.� �Yes, Charlie,�
Colby said softly. �I�m interested in you, romantically.�

Charlie�s expression didn�t change.� He just looked at Colby for a long
moment.� Colby felt like all the blood
had drained out of him and his body was collapsing in on itself.

�I�m glad,� Charlie said at last, almost too quiet for Colby
to hear.

�You are?�� Colby�s
heart lurched back into beating.

�Yeah,� Charlie whispered.

�You mean you ��

�Maybe,� Charlie said. �I don�t know.� I�m not real good at figuring out what I
feel.� Emotions are like this big
unsolvable puzzle to me.� I never even
considered that I might �� Not until
David.�

�I almost killed him, you know,� Colby said.� He took the hand that wasn�t gripped in
Charlie�s and ran a trembling finger down Charlie�s cheek.� �When I found out that he�d � with you. �I almost killed him.�

�Why?�� Charlie�s eyes
were big in his pale face.

�Because � Because there was no way that he could care for
you the way I do.�

�You care for me?��
Charlie asked, his voice still questioning.

�A hell of a lot,� Colby said firmly, needing Charlie to
understand, to believe him.

�Why?�� Charlie asked
again.

�Charlie,� Colby sighed.�
�Do you really need me to sit here and tell you all the reasons why
someone would care for you?�

�I wouldn�t mind,� Charlie admitted then added, �I just
don�t seem your type.�

�And what would my type be?��
Colby asked, amused in spite of his discomfort.

�Athletic, macho.� Well,
like Don.�

�Don is smart and sexy and incredible, but he�s not you.�

�No?�� Charlie asked
in a small voice.

Colby studied Charlie�s face in the last fading rays of
light.� It was amazing that underneath
the richly-deserved arrogance of a world-class mathematician was an unsure
young man with a terrible inferiority complex about his big brother.

Colby stroked Charlie�s cheek with the back of his
hand.� �You are my type.�

�What type is that?�

�The Charlie-type.�
There is only one of this type in the world.�

�But Don � and David �� and there had to have been lots of others in
your life.�

�Charlie,� Colby said with a tired sigh.� The pain of his ribs kept him from taking
deep breaths and he was feeling lightheaded and exhausted.� Not the sort of conversation he wanted to be
having when he wasn�t on top of his game.�
But here he was, so he was going to have to muddle through it.� He shook his head.� �You can�t really expect to be the first person
I�ve cared about, the first person I slept with.�

Raising his eyebrows, Charlie said, �Presuming a great deal,
aren�t you?�

Colby winced.� �I
didn�t mean�� I just meant that you
matter a lot to me.�

�You probably say the same thing to Don or David.�

�Dammit, Charlie,� Colby snapped.� �I love you but you can be a--,� he stopped
cold, horrified.� Oh god, what did I just say?

Charlie said smugly, �Thank you.� That�s what I wanted to hear.�

Colby groaned and rested his head back against the
wall.� He�d just told Charlie, point
blank, that he loved him.� He would give
his right leg if he could just take those words back.� Stupid,
stupid, stupid.

�Colby?�� Charlie�s
voice was quiet, subdued.

Colby opened his eyes and looked at Charlie.� In the faint light remaining, he could barely
see Charlie�s face, let alone read his expression.� �What?� he asked brusquely.

�I�m sorry, sorry for pushing you, but I had to know.�� Charlie squeezed the hand that still held
Colby�s.� �What if we die here?�

Colby�s anger deflated.�
�If we die here, then I�m glad I told you.�� And if
we don�t die here, I may wish that I had.

�Me too,� Charlie said.�
He lifted up Colby�s hand and pressed his lips against Colby�s
wrist.�

Colby shivered, a faint hope stirring underneath his
self-disgust.

Charlie pulled Colby�s hand so that Colby�s arm was again wrapped
around Charlie�s shoulders.� He kept a
tight grip on Colby�s hand and snuggled deeper into his lap.�

�I think I�m going to sleep now,� Charlie said groggily.

�But you said��

�I feel safe now,� Charlie murmured. �You make me feel
safe.�

Colby stared down at the dim shape of Charlie.� He had no idea what to think, what to
feel.� A grey blanket was covering his
mind and he knew that his body was cashing in the IOU he�d written to get
himself this far.� He could no longer
keep his eyes open, could no longer remember why he needed to.� He rested his free hand against Charlie�s
cheek and spiraled into sleep.
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It Changes Everything