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.The House of Adders	By : keithcompany Category: G through L > House Views: 1298 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own House, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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"Don't take this wrong," House cautioned his patient, "but what the hell is wrong with you?"
"I should think that it was your job to determine that," Blackadder replied. "Then fix it and bill me accordingly."
They were both sitting on a bench in the hall, gazing through the window to Baldrick's new, private room. Foreman was taking the man's pulse.
Chase was sorting through the clothes and personal items of the man, placing them in a bag for storage. Cameron was watching Foreman.
"I have no idea what happened," Edmund admitted. "I was walking back from the bathroom, when I suddenly turned and started trying to kill my servant."
"Is this new?"
"Depends on how you define 'trying to kill,' I suppose. I have been known to express displeasure with the man by physical means. But good heavens," he said, pointing to the room, "it's BALDRICK."
"Yeah...did you notice any sounds? Smells? Bright lights?" House watched his patient intently.
"Well, now that you mention it, I remember that when I was using the bathroom, I thought that the last couple of days HAD been remarkably free of Eau De Bano. He'd been, you see."
"Been what?"
"Been in there."
"Ah. Excuse me." House hobbled quickly into the room and took the bag from Chase and sifted through it.
"Nothing unusual in there," Chase said. House kept on looking. Finally he lifted out a shirt.
"Cameron! Go put this in front of Blackadder's nose and tell him to sniff." Wordlessly, but with a confused look on her face, she did so.
She held it, he sniffed, shook his head, and she brought it back.
House directed Foreman to do the same thing with a sock. There was no result.
Then he had Chase take a pair of pants over to the man. Edmund sniffed, stood, and walked into the hospital room. "May I borrow your cane?" he asked House. "I need to kill Baldrick."
------
"It's a scam," Chase said in the team room. "I mean, smell doesn't cause you to methodically and politely plan a man's death."
"No," Cameron disagreed, "but it can cause rage or other behaviors."
"Only if there's a tumor," Foreman pointed out. "Something in an area of the brain that misinterprets smell as something requiring a flight or fight response. But his brain was clear. And that would be a violent response, anyway."
"What if there were two tumors?" House murmured. "One in the smell part of the brain, that takes the smell of Baldrick's ass and interprets it wrong. Another takes that misinterpretation..." He sketched a brain shape on the board, put two stars on it, a dotted line connecting. "And informs a decision to wreak violent harm upon another human being. Namely, the one that smells like Baldrick."
"No," Foreman said. "There'd have to be a physical chain of tumors connecting senses to behavior."
"And his scan was clear," Chase pointed out.
"And there's no way a chain of microscopic tumors developed between his flight and the assault in the hospital. They were on the same plane coming over and there was no incident."
"Go look at the CAT scan again," House ordered. He circled the two stars. "Tell me what you find here, and here."
----
"It's like a chain of tiny, tiny tumors," House said. He handed a map of Blackadder's brain over, with an area highlighted. "But it's not a tumor."
"Fascinating," Blackadder replied. "What is it, that is like but not entirely like a tumor?"
"A chain of tumors," House corrected. "There seems to be an arch of tissue in your brain. It's healthy, and genetically nominal. What it does, though, is channel sensory data from one part of your brain to behavioral impulses in another. You, and perhaps some of your ancestors, have a genetic preconditioning to assault people who smell like Baldrick."
"Really." Blackadder considered the notion. "But why haven't I actually killed him before now?"
"You ate the food on the flight over."
"If you can call it that," Edmund muttered.
"There have been four cases of food poisoning reported by people on that flight. Something in that triggered a chemical change in your brain." House stood and walked to the end of the bed.
"Then, you were like a charged weapon, locked and loaded. Next time you smelled him, you wanted to kill him. NEEDED to kill him."
"Interesting. And you say this is genetic?"
"Seems to be."
"That would explain a lot. So what do we do? Divorce myself of my loyal retainer, and ensure our families never meet? Please?"
"You could do that," House nodded. "Or, we can add some supplements to his diet, to alter his odor. Or we can cut out part of your brain." He nodded at the expression on Blackadder's face.
"Yeah, I avoid brain surgery too."
---
Dressed and safely together, Blackadder and Baldrick took their leave of House and his team.
"Thanks for everything," Blackadder said, shaking hands. "Say," he took House to one side while Baldrick tried to give Cameron a good-bye hug. She ran.
"How quickly do you think those dietary supplements are going to affect Baldrick?"
"Well," House admitted, "I haven't actually noticed a change, personally, but the chemical associated with your attacks is gone."
"Ah. Good, then. Um...how sure are you that that was THE smell responsible?" House's eyebrows rose as he tried to understand the question, or the question behind the spoken one.
"Pretty....sure...." he said slowly. "Pretty."
"Good! I trust you, then. Thanks again."
The remaining doctors watched the two entered the elevator. There was a squeak of a fart and Baldrick looked sheepish.
Edmund spun around and hit him over the head with his umbrella. "Oh, gosh, sorry Balders, can't be helped, genetics," he said.
"'S alright, Mr. B.," the servant assured him.
Blackadder hit him again as the doors closed. "Sorry, genetics. Sorry again, genetics..."
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.The House of Adders