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Black Bottle	By : herm42 Category: Star Trek > Deep Space 9 Views: 2407 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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    Julian
shifts in his chair uncomfortably. He can't stand up. Not with the
lump in his trousers that has been there for, oh, two days now.
Almost non-stop. He was hoping a drink would relax him, and it did,
but then his mind began wandering, wandering to places it aught not
to in public, and now he can't leave his seat, though he desperately
wants to. Idiot.

    Julian
really does do stupid things all the time. Exhibit A: Jadzia. That
was a stupid thing, or rather a long contiguous line of stupid
things. An elaborate tapestry of idiocy. She said so herself. He came
on too strong. If he had half a brain when he was around her, he
would have known that. He was too cocky. Impulsive. Impatient. Not
that she doesn't have a full measure of those qualities herself, but
it could have been a partnership to last both of their lives. He's
certain of that now, hindsight being what it is. So yes, that was a
very stupid thing. And that is why he wants to talk to her now. He
loves that woman still in ways he can not describe. That's as far as
he gets when he tries to put the feeling into words. Maybe that's why
he has never outright said it to her. It would just come out
something like, "Jadzia,
I feel ineffable about you,"
which is equally stupid.

    As
he sits in the shadows of the balcony in Quark's and looks down at
her, he comes to the conclusion that he needs to understand why that
is, and what exactly he did wrong with her so that he doesn't end up
with two Jadzia's in his past, two relationships that could have been
perfect and beautiful but never took flight, or crashed and burned as
soon as they got off the ground.

    He
wants to do it right this time. As opposed to all the other times.

    He
does
do some really stupid things. Exhibit B: Leeta. Nice girl. Beautiful.
Sparkling personality. Huge ..... mistake.
She's bringing Jadzia a drink on a small tray. Just one. Looks like a
black hole. Serious drink for a weeknight, especially since she's
supposed to go crawling through the station's innards in the morning
with the chief. Perhaps she's nervous about something. Julian
certainly is. Maybe this isn't the right time to talk to her. She
gives Leeta a friendly smile and he can see the echo of Jadzia's face
reflected in the dark mirrored table top. He wants to know that this
isn't another mistake. That he isn't destined to do it wrong this
time too. No. He knows it isn't. He has faith; and Quark is right. He
missed his opportunity. She's happily married now, and, at least for
now, not a possibility. So really what he wants is some kind of
closure.

    He
waits, counts to fifteen. Thinks about tennis.

    Julian
stands, swallows the last gulp of his drink, and gathers himself to
approach her. That's when Worf enters the bar. Jadzia sees her
husband, stands and smiles as Worf approaches at a draft-horse trot,
and Worf leans over the whole table to kiss her before sitting down.
Julian replaces himself in his shadowed seat with a disappointed huff
and watches them. Jadzia's face is alight as she speaks to Worf,
animated, beautiful. Worf, though never any of those things, sits as
quietly enraptured as Julian himself. Shifts coming to an end and the
evening winding up, more people start to trickle in, and Julian
decides that he has missed his opportunity again, and it's time to
leave.

    What
would he have said to her anyway? Said. Asked. He isn't sure what the
intent was, but it was focused on her. She is the proverbial 'one
that got away.' Is that why he's been so fixated? He hopes not. Will
he only be enamored with Elim as long as he keeps him at a distance?
As long as he draws out this initiation period? He can't say that now
that they're closer than ever before that he is any less interested.
Definitely not. But will time change that? He fears, although it
seems impossible from this vantage point, that the newness will
evaporate, which it must, and he will be left exposed, dessicated and
alone with a fickle, ungrateful heart. He left his first love for
something new. But then, so did Elim. Maybe that means something.

Julian will sleep
alone tonight. Garak insisted that they take some time to acclimate
to this, not time apart, just a short few days to let it sink in,
maybe jar any loose fears or second thoughts to the surface. No need
to rush, he keeps saying. When he says that Julian thinks about
contradicting him, as there most certainly is
a need, but he holds his tongue. He knows he's right, and he said
himself that slowly, now that he knows for sure what he is putting
the breaks on, is definitely better. And it's not like last week, no
Garak and no reason. He knows when he will see him again, and
although it's difficult to stay focused on anything else during the
day, he's not sick with worry over it. He will see Elim again outside
of their public interaction. He trusts that he will as Elim said as
much. Two more days.

    In
the meantime, Julian has found some interesting reading material in
the station's computer and in Starfleet's medical library. Very
interesting. He hasn't poured himself out over a scholarly text like
this since his first genetics seminar.

    The
penis is a cylindrical organ varying in size from 20 centimeters to
38 centimeters contained within a pseudo-cavity in the pelvis. It is
made up of five slender strips of cavernous erectile tissue around
the tube of the urethra, many inner filaments of connective tissue,
and covered by several dermal layers with secreting glands. The
internal cavity keeps the organ warm, protected, and hydrated when it
is not protruding from the body in either a flaccid or erect state.
Connecting to the urethra behind the bladder is the ejaculatory duct.
Sperm cells formed in the gonads located to either side of the penile
cavity are stored in the vas where they mix with fluid from the
sepenal, a small organ analogous to the prostate gland. When the
penis becomes erect it may stay within the cavity, though in some
individuals the cavity is too small to contain it fully. The penis
may be withdrawn or pushed from the body voluntarily with contraction
of the urogenital fascia. It emerges from the opening of the penile
cavity via the labrosa which are comprised of two thick cords of
connective tissue that stretch from the ischium to the pubis. The
labrosa become engorged in tandem with the penis and after it
emerges, lock it into place outside the body, slipping into the
Kalack Recesses, two small grooves near the bulb of the penis,
eliminating the need to retain voluntary pressure with the abdominal
muscles. The penis is of the mamunian type despite being internal. It
has a glans and a tactile, nerve-driven connection to the brain and
ejaculatory response.

    "Hi
Julian."

    Exhibit
C: Entertaining his curiosity while still in uniform. He doesn't
jump, but taps the finger that had been hovering over the button to
close the article should just this situation occur Hits it pretty
hard too.

    "What
are you still doing here? It's past eleven."

    "Just
catching up."

    "You
can't catch up on time," Marcia accuses.

    "No.
But if I can't sleep, I might as well do something useful with the
time."

    "You
sleep in your uniform?"

    Julian
smiles a little guilty wry smile from one corner of his mouth but
says nothing more. Marcia steps into the small office and replaces a
medical tricorder in a cabinet far above her head. She reaches,
stands up on her toes. He is tempted to just take it from her and put
it there himself, but he isn't sure she would appreciate that.

    She
pushes it with a single fingertip over the lip of the shelf and
settles back to flat feet. "This place wasn't built with short
people in mind."

    "This
place wasn't built with humans in mind."

    "True.
How short is the shortest Cardassian do you suppose?"

    He
has to hold his breath a second, bite the inside of his cheek hard to
keep "nine inches" from popping out of his mouth. "Probably
not as short as the shortest human," he finally gets out.

    "I
am not
the shortest human."

    Julian
grins at his computer screen now filled with prion research. "I
didn't say you were."

    "You
implied it."

    "I
never."

    "You
better not."

    "What
are you
still
doing here?"

    Marcia
sighs. "All the stuff that the new kid gets to do every night
until someone else takes her place as the new kid."

    "Ahh.
I've been there."

    "Sure
you have."

    "I
have. I was a resident once."

    Marcia
chuckles. "Uh huh. No frills or special perks for the star of
Starfleet Medical?"

    "Well..."

    "Uh
huh. I bet you've never even seen the innards of a tricorder, much
less had to clean or calibrate one."

    Julian
gapes. He loves the fact that this tiny woman is so bold, with
everyone, but especially him, her direct superior, but it's frankly
surprising sometimes, especially considering that she really is still
very new to this place. Somehow she knows exactly how far she can
push it without getting into trouble, and she hardly knows him. He
thinks. "I most certainly have so."

    "Uh
huh," she says, and starts putting order to Julian's relative
clutter around them.

    "Why
do you have it out for me?" he asks with a chuckle, though he
suspects she's just playing now with no real aim or malice
aforethought.

    "Because
anyone who would recruit me for their team, despite the numerous
character references from my professors describing me as difficult or
sarcastic, is just looking
for trouble, Sweetheart," she says, blue eyes smiling and
looking right through him. There were a few less than shining quotes
on her file, it was true, but they were all from professors that
Julian knew from experience had no 'student side manner', and he
dismissed them out of hand when he read them and is continuously glad
he did. "And anyone who goes looking for
trouble deserves what they get and then some."

    Julian
has always believed that any two people, if they play their cards
right, can form a working relationship. It's only logical. Of course
some matched pairs would find it easier than others, naturally, but
taken on a sliding scale, Julian thinks he could find a friend,
companion, or lover in just about anyone who was similarly willing.
His mother would disagree completely of course, being a person who
thinks of the stars as fortune tellers rather than spheres of ignited
gas, and thinks of couples and friends as soul mates rather than
people who happen to find convenient social connections with each
other, but then, maybe she's right, and that's why he hasn't been
home in years. But out of necessity, surely two disparate
personalities can find each other on that scale, meet somewhere in
the middle. Even Dax and Sirella managed to hammer out an agreement
they could both live with. Hammer, axe, scratch tooth and nail, but
they did it. For Worf. For each other.

    Though,
when it comes to different species, Julian's philosophy doesn't have
much to stand on. Kind of slides off the map and into 'there be
monsters here' territory. The differences between a Vulcan and a
Nausican would undoubtedly be insurmountable. Julian can imagine that
under some extreme life and death situation, a pair like that might
be able to coexist for a time, work together for as long as was
necessary to keep themselves alive. But as soon as one gained an
edge, it would probably end badly.

    He
and Elim are not fighting for their lives. Neither is Marcia. Maybe
she's just, right,
and that is why the words are clamoring over each other to get out of
his mouth now. Because he can't talk to Miles. Because he can't talk
to Jadzia. And maybe because she is who she is.

    Still
it is pretty remarkable when he thinks about it, that a human doctor
and a Cardassian "tailor" have found common ground enough
to stand on. It seems a tight spot at that. He wonders if someday
they'll try to push one another off their little island. If someday
Elim is no longer convinced of Julian's rightness,
will it just end then? And furthermore, he isn't sure he can put
Jadzia's rightness
into perspective now. He keeps trying, talking himself through it.
See it not for the enormous star it appears to be before his eyes,
blindingly brilliant, but as just another point of light behind him.
Will he be able to look out on a starry night ten years from now with
nostalgia and not regret? Can he take Elim for what he is? He can
love him, he knows that. He's been doing that for some time, but
being with him is something completely different.

    "Can
I ask you something?"

    "Shoot."

    "I...I
need some advice. I think."

    "From
me?" she says, disbelieving. Then her face changes for a split
second, and in that flash he sees some kind of recognition, an
expectation fulfilled.

    "Well.
Maybe. It's occurred to me that you're the closest neutral friend I
think I could talk to about this. Simply because you haven't been
here long, and you seem to have an open mind and whatnot." He
shrugs, atypically nervous.

    Marcia
raises an eyebrow, just one. Very high. It gives Julian pause, and he
considers stopping right there. "Go on," she says though,
and that strange expression goes from a warning to a command.

    "I'm...Well,
I have this friend," he says and watches as her expression turns
to patent disbelief. A smile flutters across his face. He just didn't
want this conversation to get too serious. "He's sort of on the
verge of beginning a new relationship with someone. Someone...really
special. But. There's this other person too. Someone he's been crazy
about for a long time but nothing ever came of it. He was really sort
of obsessed with her, for a long time, even though he dated other
people, he never quite let go of her, you know? But this time, this
new relationship. He fears that, if he goes through with it, that
that will be the end. He's going to leave the old flame behind. He's
dropping out of pursuit of her in favor of this other, never to
return. It's a big fork in the road. Plus, it's complicated by the
nature of the new relationship. It's just kind of, touch and go at
the moment."

    Marcia
takes all this in but doesn't spring into action as he expected she
would. She always has a response, to everything. That's just the way
she is. "Ok, so what exactly is your 'friend's' problem? So he
has two interests. One is mutual. Not much of a pickle if you ask
me." She almost appears to blush a little after she says it.
Annoyed? Julian isn't sure what that means either.

    Julian
leans in closer to her and lowers his voice though there isn't anyone
around. "Do you think that there are some people who just can
not possibly have any kind of relationship? Or combinations of people
who are just not capable of falling in love? Completely incompatible
for some reason?"

    Marcia
scowls a moment in thought. "If that were true then certainly
there would be people who were just destined to be perfect for each
other. But what would the point of that be if there is no way to tell
if the person that happened to share your turbolift the other day was
your soul mate? Seems unlikely that if you happened across each
others' paths that you'd be opposite people in every way. How then do
you meet someone if you have nothing in common?"

    "But
what about people who...are just fundamentally different. Different
backgrounds, different upbringings, different ways of thinking and
seeing the universe." Different
DNA, different thermodynamic homeostasis,
his mind suggests.

    "Well
you know what they say. Love conquers all."

    Julian
slumps. She's avoiding. "Come on. I mean really what do you
think are the chances of something like that lasting? I just can't
justify leaving behind someone who I feel in my gut is someone I
could spend the rest of my life with on the strength of this other
person's insistence that I'm
the one that they
are meant to spend their life with. Not that I don't have feelings
for this person, I do. But I remember the up and down of the past few
years. I remember how lonely it's been, how much I hate starting
something new, having those feelings, only to have it turn sour and
then when I look back at her, she's drifted even further away. Each
time it happens, each time I make that gamble I feel like the
possibility of catching up to her shrinks."

    "Julian,
you're no stranger to hard work, I know, even if I poke fun at you.
And that's what my mom always told me. Love is hard work. No matter
who it's with. If you find someone who is just the epitome of the yin
to your yang, or...well. You know what I mean-" Julian feels
slightly hot in the face because she says that as if she knows the
details he hasn't told her, "Or if you find yourself sharing a
turbolift with someone you never expected, it's still going to be a
hell of a lot of work to keep it together. My mom would know. My dad
is from New Jersey."

    Julian
hears something she isn't saying, suddenly. "You've never been
in love?"

    Marcia
pauses, then, "I guess I just haven't met 'the one' yet,"
and smiles. "Now don't change the subject," she accuses.
"How long have you been after this girl, anyway, Julian? The one
the got away."

    Julian
sighs. "Long time."

    "Then
Sweetie, you may have to face the fact that you won't have any choice
but to let her go. Not that you aren't a catch," she surprises
Julian by leaning in and taking his face in her warm hands, "I
think you're absolutely adorable and brilliant and...mostly
charming," Julian smirks, "And I'm sure she thinks so too,
but maybe you're not 'the one' for her?"

    "Apparently
not," Julian says, maybe a little bitter.

    "She
has someone else."

    "Yes."

    "Then
why waste your time? Persistence isn't everything."

    Julian
looks sullenly at the floor. "You just said love is a lot of
work. I've been putting a lot of work into it." It sounds
petulant and he has to smirk a little when she laughs.

    "Mutual
work, Honey. It takes two to tango as they also say."

    They
remain there a moment or two in silence and Julian gets lost in a
winding train of thought traveling through dark hair and silken skin.

    "Well.
Are you going to stay here? Cuz I'm off to bed."

    He
shakes off his daydream. "No, just leave everything. I'll
finish up when I leave."

    Marcia
washes her hands. "Alright. Don't stay up too late. And don't
spend too much time thinking about it. You'll just wind up like a cat
tied to a tree," she clucks.

    Julian
chuckles and wishes her a good night.

    The
infirmary turns into a ghost town this time of night. Doctor Girani
is in her office, but other than her, Julian is alone.

    "Computer.
Close the door."

    The
door slides shut quietly and Julian tries to decide what to do with
himself. He doesn't sleep much on a normal night. The past two
haven't been normal and this one isn't shaping up too well either.

    He
presses a few buttons on the computer in front of him before he can
second guess the action, and in a moment, Garak appears on the screen
in front of him in shiny, plum, crisp-looking pajamas, hair freshly
washed, glowing with vitality as he always does when he's warm and
comfortable. Julian loves to see him like that.

    Garak
smiles softly and his eyes come alive. "Doctor. How are you this
evening?"

    Doctor,
huh?
"I'm fine. Yourself?"

    "Never
better. What can I do for you?"

    Not
going to make this easy are you.
"Well. I...thought we might get together. Tonight perhaps."

    Garak's
smile turns a shade warmer still and his eyes hungry.

    "Julian,"
he says just above a whisper. "I thought we were waiting a
little while."

    Julian
lets the weariness of that wait into his expression and sighs.

    "Oh
now that's not fair," Elim says suddenly, looking aghast.

    "What?"

    "Julian
you have more power to tempt me than any other being alive. Please
don't look at me like that. I want to. I want....It's indescribable
how much I want to. Which is why I want to wait a little. Cool off."

    "But
why four days, Elim? It's been two. I'm cool," he pleads
unrepentant.

    Elim
laughs low and sweet. "And that's why you're calling me at
midnight?"

    Julian
grumbles his frustration and puts the heel of his hand to his crotch
out of view of Garak, though he thinks he can probably tell what that
motion is anyway. "Nothing has to happen Garak. We don't have to
get into anything. I just...I just want to see you." That might
be slightly ingenuine, but he'd certainly settle for an evening on
the couch if he can't have an evening in bed. Would even prefer it in
a way. Innocent, uncomplicated. He suddenly wants nothing more in the
world than to lay back against Elim's chest covered in those plum
satin pajamas and thread their fingers together.

    Garak
leans forward on his elbows toward his computer and reaches up and
touches the screen and the side of Julian's face. He can't remember
the last time he'd been filled with such hope. Looking into those
downy brown eyes, warm and liquid and wanting, he can't quash the
need to believe that this could be real, that this could be happening
to him of all people, that it might actually work.

    He
stares at him a moment more, sadly, happily, he isn't sure which, and
then smiles at him again. "Goodnight, my love," he whispers
to him, and can barely summon the will to close the connection.

    Julian
groans and settles back into his seat. With a bright ball of energy
buzzing around inside of him, no will to sleep, he reopens the
Comparative Xenobiology text he had been reading earlier.

    Orgasm
in the Cardassian male may occur while the penis is extended or not.
In boys it is common for awakening sexual desires to cause an
erection which inadvertently causes stimulation of the penis within
the pseudo cavity, resulting in premature ejaculation while the penis
is still sheathed. Sexual activity can last for minutes or hours,
depending on the individual, but largely depending on the preference
of the female. To prevent embarrassment and stress in boys, they are
taught at a young age strict bodily control, and as sexually
experienced adults, often develop the discipline to hold off or
induce their own orgasm as they see fit. The Cardassian penis is
unique in that the erectile tissue not only has the capacity to
become engorged and thus increase the size of the penis when erect,
but it also becomes more massive over time. Older Cardassian males
generally have larger penises than younger ones. It is believed that
this is because Cardassian females may bear children well into their
later years, making it prudent for the Cardassian male to evolve ways
of retaining their mates interest even as seniors.

    Julian
has had quite enough. He turns out the lights in his office and
leaves the infirmary carrying a racquetball suit folded over his arm
should he actually encounter anyone on his walk back to his quarters.
Once home he hits the shower and spends the night with his hand.
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