My Name Is Luca

“Do you think your life would have been easier if you were a girl?” Nathan asked lying across Lucas’ bed, stomach pressed flat to the mattress.

Lucas sat on the floor, his back to the side of his mattress, Nathan’s chin practically resting on his shoulder.

“I told you, it’s not about wanting to be a girl,” Lucas reiterated for the umpteenth time.

“So why do you do it. Is it some kind of a fetish?” Nathan tilted his head to the side, staring at his brother’s profile.

“No,” Lucas began slowly. “A fetish would be sleeping with my brother’s underwear under my pillow.”

“I thought we agreed not to talk about that,” Nathan complained. He could feel the crimson rising in his cheeks already.

“I thought we were done playing twenty questions,” Luke shot back.

“I just want to understand,” Nathan answered defensively.

“I don’t really understand it myself.” It was the truth. Lucas didn’t have an explanation for why he liked women’s clothing. “I guess it makes me feel…at peace.”

Nathan rolled over onto his back and stared at the ceiling. He tried to imagine his dad stressed out from work and his mom’s bullshit and having to pay Karen child support and finding solace in an old fashioned pair of ladies pump. He chuckled at the notion.

“What?” Lucas asked, laughing at the sound of his brother’s laughter.

“Nothing,” he said folding his hands behind his head. Lucas’ face loomed into view.

“Tell me,” he begged, kneeling and staring down at his brother.

“Just imagining dear old dad relieving stress in a pair of my mom’s pumps.”

Lucas couldn’t contain himself. He bent forward laughing at the notion of Dan as Mrs. Doubtfire. The laughter ceased when Nathan’s hand reached up, grasped the nape of his neck and pulled him down.

Lucas scrambled away on his hands and knees, while Nathan rolled over, kneeling on the mattress, his face panic stricken.

“Luke, I’m sorry.”

Lucas pressed his fingers to his own lips, tracing where his brother had just kissed him.

“This is too weird,” Lucas muttered and instantly wished he could’ve taken it back.

“I’ll go,” Nate offered, not moving from his perch on the bed.

Lucas was shaking his head long before the words ‘no’ escaped his lips. “We should…we should talk.”

“Okay.” Talking, as far as Nathan was concerned, was better than being punched in the face by your older cross-dressing brother.

Neither actually said anything for several minutes. Lucas decided to break the ice.

“I’m just spitballing here, but I’m getting the impression that you’re becoming…obsessed with me.”

Nathan offered up an embarrassed smile. “I think it was those damned panties.” He stared at the ugly floral quilt on his brother’s bed.

“So, let’s recap. The fake boobs and belly shirt weren’t a problem.”

“About those boobs…” Nathan ventured.

“Tennis balls,” Lucas answered, cutting him off.

“I read,” Nate began, choosing his words cautiously, “that a majority of transvestites are middle aged men.”

“Is this about Dan again?”

Nathan shook his head and chuckled, relaxing for the first time since the kiss. He swung his legs over the side of the bed, resting his hands in his lap.

“Can I ask you something?” Nate asked nervously.

“If I say no, will it stop you?” Lucas joked. “I’m just kidding,” he added quickly when he saw his brother’s smile falter.

“Have you ever gone out like that?”

It was getting easier for Lucas to decipher his brother’s incoherent sentences.

“No,” he answered hastily. As much as he wanted to, he figured he’d be safer in a public lip-lock with his brother than prancing around Tree Hill in drag.

“Would you like to?” There was such an innocence to his question that Lucas found himself nodding in the affirmative before he could stop himself. “I might know of a place where it’s safe?”

Lucas was more than curious about how Nathan knew of such a place. Then he remembered the teams trip to Charlotte two years back.

“Tim?” Lucas questioned and Nathan’s wide grin confirmed his suspicions.

“You ever wonder about him?” Nathan asked.

“The male strippers at your first party in your new apartment, the strip club in Charlotte? I’m sure they’re just coincidences.”

“Can I take you to this place on Friday?” Nathan asked abruptly.

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea Nate.”

“It’s not a date. Just one brother trying to help another out.” They both knew that was a lie but each was willing to believe it.

“And the kiss?” Lucas questioned.

“Let’s pretend that didn’t happen.” Nate said it more like a plea than a statement.

“I can live with that,” Lucas nodded in agreement. “My underwear?”

Nathan rolled off the bed and fished a package out of his knapsack. Lucas tore open the Fedex envelope to find a manila envelope inside. Within the manila envelop was a small flat box wrapped in old Christmas paper. Inside that was a plastic baggie with the silk garment inside. Lucas wondered if his brother had been fearful that a few students at Tree Hill might have x-ray vision. They heard Karen coming in and Lucas stuffed the package and its contents under his bed.

“I better go,” Nathan said, standing and gathering his things. “We’ll talk tomorrow. You should come by my job after school.”

Lucas couldn’t sleep that night. He was anxious about what he had just agreed to do. Standing in a mirror in your home was one thing, going out in public was another. He realized he was also excited about going to the mall. He was already planning on picking up something special for his date with Nathan.

‘It’s not a date,’ he reminded himself, touching his fingers to his lips. He could still feel his brother’s against them as sleep finally came.