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Nocturnal	By : dragonfall Category: 1 through F > Firefly Views: 9315 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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All his life, Simon Tam's instructors told him he took things too literally.

It was the reason he'd had few friends growing up, his supposed inability to take a joke. Simon Tam didn't have a sense of humor, the word was around Medacad. He took things too seriously, and a well-meaning prank could easily turn into a matter of honor. He was unbending, adamant to a fault, and almost fanatical when he got an idea into this head.

And that was just one of the nicer peer reviews he received.

Simon tossed the datapad onto his bunk, fought down a wave of frustration. He didn't fit any of the profiles he'd read again and again. His separation from River hadn't been at an early enough age, or long enough. There was no sexual abuse in either of their histories, and aside from two strange arguments they'd had when River was five and thirteen the subject had never come up before. That, coupled with the fact that the dream hadn't returned in any way, shape or form unfurled the knot that had taken over his stomach. Relief was starting to creep up on the doctor, easing the frustration away. Maybe a dream was just that, a dream. Albeit a very disturbing one he was overanalyzing to death.

They'd touched down on Blue Bell by the time Simon woke from his drug-induced sleep, feeling much calmer and more collected than he had in days. When another search for River came up empty, he decided to reread the material he had, go over everything a final time. Now, on far firmer footing, he felt ready to talk to his sister about her recent disappearing act.

"Doc! Get your ass down here! We got crates ta load!"

Simon often wondered if Jayne's ability to bellow was genetic or the product of his upbringing. He strongly suspected a mixture of the two.

"Coming," he replied automatically, though he knew the mercenary had already moved off. He was wearing what he was coming to think of as his work clothes: a rough shirt and pair of pants that were coarsely woven, scratchy from too little wear but serviceable.

At the very least, they were excellent at absorbing blood.

"Took ya long 'nough," Jayne grumbled as he and Wash hauled a crate off an oversized mule and further into the ship's hold. "We left the light ones fer you and Kaylee, seein' as how ya need ta protect yer hands and all."

Simon brushed the insult off and went to help the mechanic. "I'm sure the next time I have to extract a bullet from your chest, you'll appreciate the fact that I have such soft hands."

Jayne growled something after him, but Simon wasn't paying attention. Kaylee was smiling at him as she pulled at a much smaller crate, hands lost in oversized gloves.

"Long time no see, Simon," Kaylee said cheerfully as they hefted the crate, marked 'Cherries'. "Been wonderin' when you'd show up again."

"I've been busy. Researching a new treatment for River." Not the truth, but close enough that he didn't feel guilty lying to her.

Kaylee's expression turned somber. "You both been actin' off recently. Everything okay?"

"Fine!" The false happiness in his voice made Simon wince. "Fine," he repeated in a calmer tone. "River's been going through a rough patch since I started her on a different anti-psychotic."

"Oh." The mechanic's eyes brightened mischievously. "Least she hasn't been throwin' things at ya. And the Capn' hasn't threatened to gag her once."

Kaylee's humor was infectious, and Simon let himself relax. Lifting crates was relaxing, a job for the muscles and not the mind. He found himself drifting in and out of the conversations surrounding him. For the first time since the whole, twisted business began, he felt like himself again. He still had to talk to River, but the prospect no longer seemed so daunting. She'd been avoiding him because he was avoiding her, most likely. She was (no matter how hard it was for him to believe) a psychic, and if he remembered anything from his first girlfriend, it was that psychic people were especially sensitive to 'vibes'. His vibe couldn't have been anything less that 'stay away at all times.'

Yes, things looked like they were returning to normal.

************************************************************************

"Simple Simon went a-fishing for to catch a whale..."

Simon paused at the door to his sister's room. Weeks of avoiding him, hours of him searching, and there she was; lying across her bed and drawing as if nothing were wrong. She was wearing a dark blue dress, one he'd brought for her on Boros. It was little more than a slip, but she'd been entranced with the color and feel of the fabric in the store.

"Captain said it was too dangerous, poking our heads outside," River informed him before he could speak. "Best to stay where he can find us in a hurry so no one snatches us away."

"That's a very good idea, mei mei."

The pen stopped moving.

The doctor stepped into the room, sliding the door closed behind him. "I thought I'd have to tear Serenity apart to find you," he teased.

"Serenity wouldn't like that." She started drawing again. "It tickles her when we walk around, but tearing pieces off hurts."

"I'll be sure to let the others know." He walked towards the bed. River was coloring in a drawing of a rose in full bloom with a viper curled in the center, fangs bared. "Don't show that to Jayne, or he might decide he needs a new tattoo."

River didn't look up. "Red dragon's a symbol of power, strength and endurance. This is too pretty for Jayne. Rose's are beauty and femininity. Girl's name but Jayne isn't a girl."

"Ah." This was good, Simon thought. She was following a conversation with little difficulty. He might get through this with his sanity intact. "I can see why he wouldn't be interested."

Silence stretched between them as River drew and he watched. You can do this, Simon told himself, pushing all his anxiety of the past weeks to the back of his mind. It wouldn't be hard. She might not comprehend everything he told her, but she would at least understand.

"I wanted to talk to you, River," he started gently as he settled on the small chair across from her bed. "Did you know it's been two weeks since we said more than three words to each other?"

"You didn't want to see me."

So he had been the one scaring her away. Relief like he'd seldom felt flooded his senses. "I know, mei mei, and I'm sorry."

River smiled at him. "But you're better now. No more bits of Simon falling off around the ship. All the parts gathered up."

He returned the smile. "That's right." He leaned forward. "You'll never guess what the captain managed to barter."

The look she gave him said, yes, she could if she wanted but she was willing to let him tell her to make him happy.

"Fruit, mei mei. Fresh fruit, straight from the vine. And..." he added dramatically. "Pineapples."

River jerked upright, eyes shining.

"Well," he amended. "A pineapple. But I've hidden it just for you. Book's on cooking duty tonight, so dinner should be excellent. I was planning on cutting the pineapple into little rings for desert, like Zora used to on Osiris. I'll see you there, won't I?"

River's nods sent her hair flying.

"Good." He stood up. "Now, I'm supposed to learn the basics of flying the ship while we're on-planet, so I'll be on the bridge with Wash if you need me." He was nearly out the door when he turned back. "Oh, and River? No more following Mal around, okay?"

The next week was fairly uneventful. The captain didn't complain about River following him, River wasn't proving how adept she was at hiding, and Simon found himself sleeping without the aid of medication. The tension that had gripped the three faded and he could sense the rest of the ship giving a collective sigh of relief.

Without the medication, Simon found himself dreaming again, dreams that left him sweat soaked and unable to look at Kaylee, or Inara, or Zoe without feeling heat rush up from his neck. Perfectly natural, perfectly explainable dreams without a hint of River in them. Just his body reminding him that it had been far too long since he indulged in sex with anyone but himself.

************************************************************************
Growing things were in Serenity.

River laid down on a crate, feeling the tickles of energy that came off the fruit within. They were frozen, preserved at their peak, but she could feel it like little brushes against her face. Life was in there, so much different from the steel and ceramics of the ship. Serenity felt like old life; something forged from pressure and time and then remade into panels and girders. She felt like thunder before it boomed, the power hidden in a wave just before it broke when the water was still foamless.

Her cargo felt like summer, new things that came every year with good rains and care. River giggled, kissed the crate and moved on. Things that grew on the ground felt different from those that grew in the air and both different from what grew between. She could remember hanging still, and then moving as the wind came, kissing her skin, making her fly. The feel of photoelectric energy making her atoms dance as they absorbed heat.

River sighed when she became a girl again. When they got to Ganymede she would ask for time off Serenity to bury her toes in the dirt.

Simon was sleeping, but she wouldn't dance with him tonight. Somewhere she knew she'd overdone it. The bad wolf was out of the way, so she crept into Simon's dreams and became what he wanted, what he needed. Moved with him, under him, above him while other bodies danced in his dreams until they became a starburst in the Black brighter than any star.

But now he blushed all day, red heat that made her want to blush, too. Because she knew everything he was remembering when he looked at Kaylee, Inara, Zoe; all the women in his life now. All so immediate but too far away so they slipped through his fingers with rules of touching and not touching. Off limit signs painted Inara and Zoe, blazed like neon in the dark. Kaylee glowed blue, invited him in, but Simon remembered his dreams and his tongue got stuck, said the first thing that came and couldn't explain.

He really was hopeless around girls.

"What in the gorram hell you doin' up there?"

"They remember the outside." River didn't need to look to see Jayne's expression. The mercenary was staring at her like he always did when he didn't understand. "They remember the sun and the dirt and how to grow."

Silence, then, "Well, you fall off and I'm not gonna help ya."

River gave silent agreement. "Have to learn to stand on my own, just like Momma said."

Jayne paused. Remembered the time long ago when his mother told him that. She wouldn't be there to help him up all the time, she'd said. Man had to learn to stand on his own two feet and pick himself up when he fell; else he wasn't a man to start with.

"Damn right," the mercenary grumbled as he walked to his weights.

No spotter on nights like this, no Book to keep him safe. Just Jayne, aged iron, and the moonbrained girl in the Black.

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Nocturnal