Reap the Whirlwind

What they were doing was fighting a being that constantly pushed them back with jets of air. Iolaus managed to leap at her, sword drawn, cleaving her in two- only to release a screaming gust of air that sent him flying head over heels. Iolaus got back to his feet, trying to shake off the dizziness. "Get the bag ready, Iolaus!" Hercules shouted as he swung the lasso.



"Iolaus?" the enforcer seemed to recognize the name. "You are the one who polishes Hercules' knob?"



Hercules nearly dropped the rope. Iolaus' face was flushed, more so from windburn. "That-that's none of your business!" Iolaus sputtered. "You're going down!"



"No, you are going down!" the enforcer laughed at her double entendre as she once more blew Iolaus off his feet.



"Get behind me, Iolaus!" said Hercules, getting the lasso ready again. "And get ready to put that bag over her!"



The enforcer seemed to recognize the magical items and fought back all the harder. She rose up in the air, screaming as the wind blew fiercer. Amazingly, all the wind did nothing to alter the course of the Lasso of Thymescyrra. The noose tightened around the airborne body. Hercules called upon all his strength just to hold her in place, and then had to slowly but surely drag her back down to earth.



Iolaus was just about to pull the bag over her head when the enforcer got her second wind- so to speak. She took a deep breath as he came closer, and blew. The force of the jet sent Iolaus tumbling over the plain once more, crashing into a tree. Iolaus shouted in pain and grasped at the forming lump on his head. "Iolaus!" called Hercules. "Are you alright?"



Iolaus was too angry to answer the question. "That's it." he growled as he got to his feet. "I've had it! I've had it with this mother fucking skank on this mother fucking plain!" With a roar he ran full speed at the enforcer and pulled the bag over her head. Amazingly, her entire body somehow stuffed itself in the small bag- albeit struggling the whole way. Even after Hercules pulled the lasso away and the drawstrings were tied off, the wind enforcer continued to struggle within the bag.



"Well, congratulations, Iolaus." said Hercules. "You managed to get a woman in the sack and you didn't even have to buy her dinner first." The two laughed and headed back to Thrace.

************************************************************



Autolycus gasped from the effort of filling Joxer's lungs up once more. /Auto..../Joxer thought as he observed his exhausted lover. /Please, save some air for yourself. Don't wear yourself to death to save me./ Joxer opened his mouth to speak, only to feel Auto's fingers on his lips. "Not a word." Auto said softly. "Just keep taking long, slow breaths. They'll be back soon." /I hope./ Autolycus looked over at the winged god sitting next to him. "So, Zef, can I call you Zef?"



Zephyr smiled. "It's what my nieces and nephews call me. They call me Unca Zef. Got four of 'em. All Boreas' kids."



"Really?" said Autolycus. "I had a niece who called me 'Nunk Tollis'. Couldn't pronounce my name right."



/Auto never told me he had a niece./ Joxer thought. /I have to ask him about that later...if there is a later./



"They're sweet kids." said Zephyr. "My sister Chloris is expecting. Hope to have some of my own someday."



"Oh? Seeing someone now?"



"Yeah. Girlfriend this time." Zephyr said with a shy smile. "Her name's Podarge."



"What's she like?"



"Well, she's a harpy."



"That's not a nice thing to say about your girlfriend."



"No, I mean, She. Is. A. Harpy. Wings, feathers, claws, the whole bit."



"Oh." Auto tried to imagine someone getting romantic with a harpy and couldn't. But, there were people who'd question his present choice of a mate. He just shrugged. "Whatever turns you on."



"My brothers don't understand how I could love a harpy. Podarge, she's sweet and funny and caring. She's really cutting back on eating people." Zephyr sighed dreamily. "And as for looks, she has the kindest, sparkling eyes, like the sea on a sunny day. And her feathers do this cute fluffing out thing whenever she laughs."



"Oh, yeah, I get it. You're in love." said Autolycus. Anyone who thought fluffy feathers were cute had it bad.



"Eurus is always making fun of her." said Zephyr. "But, Eurus hates anything I love. He's always bullying me."



"Well, you can't let him do that." said Autolycus. "If you let him push you around, he'll always do that."



/Couldn't have said it better, Auto./ Joxer thought.



In a flurry of snowflakes and autumn leaves, Boreas and Notus appeared. "They are victorious." said Boreas. "Hercules and Iolaus will arrive soon."



"You hear that, Jox!" Auto said to his lover. "Everything's gonna be OK! You're gonna get your breath back." Joxer smiled. "I love you." He kissed his forehead.

************************************************************



Iolaus and Hercules had run nearly all the way from the plain back to Thrace. The wind enforcer safely bagged, the town was now getting back in order. Debris was swept. Loose items were up righted and put back in place. Falafel could be seen gathering his scattered nuggets. The two heroes saw the barn that was their final destination, smiled, joined hands, and broke into a run.



"We're back!" Hercules announced as they came through the open door. "Boreas, how do we give Joxer his breath back?"



"Hold the mouth of the bag under his nose." said Boreas. "And ever so slightly open it...only a bit."



Iolaus gave Hercules the bag. He held it under Joxer's nose. He opened it just the tiniest bit as Autolycus clasped Joxer's hand. Joxer inhaled the slip of air that was allowed to escape. As soon as he took on a healthier color, Hercules drew the bag away.



"How ya feelin' Jox?" asked Autolycus.



Joxer took several deep breaths into starving lungs. "Much better." he gasped. Autolycus held him close, treasuring the feel of the other man's chest expanding and contracting with the act of breathing.



Hercules returned the lasso and the writhing bag to Notus and Boreas. "I thank you for the use of these." he said.



"It is us who should thank you, Hercules." said Notus. "You prevented Hera's abomination from causing much destruction."



"The Bag of Astraes will be placed where no one will ever find it." said Boreas. "Never again will the wind enforcer wreck havoc on humanity. We thank you again, Hercules and Iolaus." Boreas' voice and Boreas himself drifted away in a swirl of sleet. Notus' form took on the substance of fog and likewise drifted away on the breeze.



"Looks like they're gone with the wind." Iolaus commented.



"Frankly, Iolaus," Autolycus said as he helped Joxer stand. "I don't give a damn."



"Well, I guess I'd better be going." said Zephyr. "I-I'd kind of like to see Podarge. I'll remember what you said, Autolycus. I'm not going to let a bully like Eurus ruin my happiness!"



"Drop in anytime." said Autolycus.



Zephyr smiled and walked outside. He took a few skipping steps, spread his wings and took to the air. He looked down to see the four men waving good-bye to him. Zephyr waved back. He did a mid-air back flip just from the joy of thinking about his beloved and flew towards the sea, his image dissipated on the wind in a flurry of petals.

********************************************************



The next day, Iolaus walked into the common area of the inn, eating something out of a basket. "What are you eating?" asked Hercules.



"Oh, I ran into Falafel outside." Iolaus said between bites. "He's got this new food called chicken nuggets. Wanna try one?"



"Um, Iolaus, do you know those are made with the leftover bits of the chicken?"



"Who cares? They're good. I just need an ale to wash 'em down." They went up to the bar to find Joxer nursing an ale by himself. "Hey, Joxer." said Iolaus. "How's the breathing going?"



"Fine." he shrugged. He toyed with his mug. "Thanks guys. You know, for yesterday."



"No problem." said Iolaus. He flagged down the bartender. "I'll have an ale. Herc, you still the designated walker?"



"Nothing for me, thanks." said Hercules. "Joxer, is something wrong?"



Joxer sighed. "Autolycus took off early this morning. Didn't say where he was going or when he'd be back. After what happened yesterday, I was sure he'd wanna spend some time with me."



"Who knows with him?" Iolaus sighed. "Chicken nugget?"



Joxer suspiciously eyed the new food. "OK, I'll try one." He picked one up and nibbled at it.



"You know what it is, Joxer?" said Hercules. "Autolycus has seen the dark side of being in love with someone. The possibility of your loved one dying. He may need some time alone, but he'll come back."



"Who'll come back?" The three turned to see that Autolycus had shown up.



"Auto!" Joxer broke into a grin. "Have a seat." The four men seated themselves so that they were next to their significant others. "So, where you been all day?" Joxer asked.



"Well, I've been getting a present for you." said Auto. "But getting it took longer than I thought it would."



"What did you steal, Autolycus?" Hercules asked.



"Oh, that really hurts." said Auto. "You think I steal anything?"



"Yes."



"Well, I didn't steal this. I'll swear on a stack of sacred scrolls piled on my mother's grave."



Herc had to think a minute. Autolycus didn't strike him as the pious type who would revere a sacred scroll. He'd probably steal one if he could get something out of it. But, even the King of Thieves had to have some respect for his mother. "Alright, fine." sighed Hercules. "What is it anyway?"



"Um, it's a bit personal." said Auto. "I'd like to show it to Joxer when we're alone."



"What'd you get?" asked Iolaus. "Couldn't be a bigger dick."



"Oh, we're not going there again!" said Auto. "Look, it was cold that day, alright?"



"Uh, what are you talking about?" asked Joxer.



"Ares thought it would be funny to chain the two of us together naked one time." said Autolycus. "Worst punishment I've ever been through. And, evidently, Curly here couldn't tear his eyes off my hot body." Everyone but Iolaus laughed.



"Did you see that cute tan line he has on his butt?" asked Joxer.



"I wasn't /looking/ looking!" Iolaus protested.



"So, what're you eating?" asked Auto.



"Chicken nuggets."



"You can still eat chicken after, y'know, Discord?"



"With pleasure."



"Lemme try one." Autolycus grabbed a nugget and bit off some of it. "Not bad." he decided. "Could use a sauce to dip it in maybe."



"Here, Herc," said Iolaus. "You try one."



"No." the demigod replied.



"C'mon, just one teeny bite."



"No!"



"Look! Here comes the dragon! Whoosh! Whoosh!" Iolaus waved the nugget in the air, pretending it was a dragon in flight. "C'mon, Herc, open up the cave and let the dragon in!" Hercules clamped his lips together. "How do you know you don't like it if you haven't tried it? Now, open up!"



"Oh, I remember the last time you said that to me." said Herc. "You couldn't fit it all in and I got sticky goo all over my face."



"Do we really need to hear this?" asked Auto.



"It was a piece of baklava, you pervert!" said Iolaus.



"Well, on that note," said Auto. "I think I'll leave. Joxer, want me to show you your present?"



"Um, OK." The two left as Iolaus tried once more to get Hercules to eat a chicken nugget.



They went back to the room they shared and closed the door. As they kissed, Autolycus gently pushed Joxer so that he was sitting on the bed. "Close your eyes, Jox." he said.



Joxer closed his eyes. "You really didn't have to get me a present." he said, shivering as he heard a rustling of cloth. Was Auto getting undressed?



"I wanted to." said Autolycus. "Open your eyes now." Joxer opened his eyes to see Autolycus stripped to the waist, kneeling so that they were at eye level. At first, he didn't quite get it, until he noticed a new mark just under Auto's left clavicle. It was a tattoo of two cats nuzzling as their tails entwined.



"Auto, is-is this real?" Joxer touched it.



"Ow! Careful, it's still a little sore. Yeah. It's real. Two stray cats finding each other. Just like in that song."



"Auto, I don't know what to say. I mean, these things last forever."



"I know. There's something else I want to last forever too." He ran a hand over Joxer's cheek.



"Forever?" Joxer touched the hand stroking his face.



"Forever."



Author's notes:



The title of this story is Biblical. Hosea 8:7 states "For they have sown the wind, and they shall reap the whirlwind...." It illustrates God's wrath at the Israelites for taking up idol worship. (Old Testament God could be a bit bitchy.) I worried that the phrase would be too clichéd for a good title, but it suits my purposes.



I can't take credit for the quoted song lyrics. I suck so bad at poetry. The first song is an excerpt from "All Through the Night" by Cyndi Lauper. (Yes, the character Cynthia was named after her.) I had to change a few things. I had to change "white street lamps" to "candle light". Instead of "the meter clicks" I wrote "the sand runs down", referring to an hourglass. "Take my Breath Away" belongs to Berlin and is best known as the love theme from Top Gun. "Breathe" belongs to Faith Hill. It's the little country song that could.



The Anemoi were personifications of the four winds. Zephyr was the west wind who brought the gentle breezes of spring. Boreas was the north wind who brought the freezing winds of winter. Notus was the south wind who brought the bracing gusts of autumn. Eurus was the east wind who brought stormy weather. According to the myths, Zephyr was in a love triangle with Apollo and the mortal Hyacinth. Later, he would take up with the harpy Podarge. It was my husband who suggested having Podarge "cutting back" on human flesh rather than not eating it at all.



The Bag of Astraeus is also from Greek mythology. It was given to Odysseus to help him on his journey. However, Odysseus' crew wanted to know what treasure their leader had hidden away and opened the bag- releasing all of the winds at once. A cookie if you know where the Lasso of Thymascerra is from. More cookies if you can identify all the (mis)quoted movie lines. There's three of them.



Autolycus' dirty joke originally had nuns and St. Peter when I first heard it. Joxer's Spartacus joke was originally about Jesus.



Kottabos was a drinking game played in Ancient Greece. It consisted of throwing wine dregs at a target until either the target or the player fell down. Young men who were good at this game stood the chance of gaining attention from older men. ("Hey, baby, I couldn't help but notice how good you are at tossing wine dregs around. My place or yours?") Balls is played by taking turns yelling out the word "balls" louder than the last person. As for "Fuzzy Duck" and "Fig Plucker", well say the phrases several times and you'll see what I mean. Dinars is a take off of Quarters.



Whoo! That's a lot of notes! Well, hope you enjoyed the story.

Peace,

Cygna Vamp