Second Chances Part 3 - Secrets

Second Chances Part 3 – Secrets by Bethhawke.

Chapter 4

Waking the next morning in Beth's apartment seemed so familiar that Hawke forgot for a moment why he was there. Glancing over at her sleeping form, not wanting to wake her, he slipped stealthily out of bed and into the bathroom. His clothes were creased from being slept in and without thinking he threw them into the laundry hamper before stepping into the hot, steaming shower. He let the water pour over him, drenching his body, while he thought. The baby was his, she had confirmed that, but he still had his doubts and what she hadn't said was what she had planned for the future and whether it included him. He would have to tell her about Le and she might not want to take on a teenage boy as well as a new baby. Worse still, he would have to tell Le about Beth. How was he going to explain to the young teenager that he had a girlfriend, an ex girlfriend to be exact, who was 7 months pregnant. What sort of an example was that to set him when he was at that easily influenced age?

Hawke stepped out of the shower and dried quickly, wondering what he was going to wear as he returned to the bedroom. Beth was awake and sitting up in bed.
“I didn't mean to wake you,” he said, looking at her closely to see if she showed any signs of the stressful previous day.
“You didn't. I forgot to switch off the alarm,” she also looked him up and down, noting he was only dressed in a towel, “You left some clothes when you were here last,” she told him, gesturing towards the wardrobe.
He took out the jeans and checked shirt that were hanging up and dressed swiftly, feeling self concious with her watching him and wondered how to broach the subject of Le.
“Beth.........”
“String.......”
They spoke at the same time. He sat on the edge of the bed and she indicated that he should speak first.
“I have a nephew,” he blurted out.
She took a moment to work it out, “St. John's son?” she questioned, “why are you telling me now?”
“His aunt was looking after him. She died and Archangel arranged for me to be his legal guardian. He's living with me, at the cabin and sometimes at Dom's place.” He looked into her eyes, baring his soul to her and silently begging for her to understand what he was telling her.
She just stared back at him until he could stand it no longer. “Say something, dammit, anything!”
“I don't know what to say. What's his name? How old is he?”
“Le. Le Van Hawke to be precise. He's 13.”
“So....what are you saying? That you don't want to take on more responsibilities?” she forced out the words, knowing that he would leave it to her to work out what he wanted to say. Sometimes his silences were easy to read, but this one had her confused.
“What? No!” he sounded shocked, “I thought you might not want to. I mean, you haven't said what you want. I don't know what you want,” the last sentence came out as a sob and Beth knelt up on the bed and gathered him into her arms.
“I want us, I always have.”
“You never said,” he said, accusing, “you were the one who left me, remember?”
“At the time I thought it was for the best. I guess I was wrong,” she shrugged, unsure what else to say.
“When did you decide that you were wrong? Before or after you found out you were pregnant?” he demanded, wanting to know if it was him she wanted or the father of her baby.
“Before. I never even thought I could be pregnant. I thought the symptoms were a result of the stress of leaving you, missing you,” she looked deep into his eyes, “I missed you so much. Marella was beginning to despair I was so miserable.”
He believed her; they had never lied to each other, withheld the truth sometimes but never told outright lies. They were both too open to successfully lie to each other. But there was something that was bothering him, he had to ask her, to be sure. “How can you be sure it's mine?” he blurted out.
“Are you serious? I thought I made it clear, there has been no one else since you.” She sounded hurt and he was quick to explain himself, not wanting a misunderstanding to come between them again.
“I was referring to before me,” he took a deep breath, not wanting to say his name, “Hunter, I don't know exactly what happened while he held you captive, for all I know it could be his.” She definitely hadn't had a period while they were together after her rape and that worried him.
“OK, biology lesson. I had a period just after I left the cabin,” she became thoughtful for a moment, “in fact, have you noticed our worst fights are always just before my period? Like that time at the cabin, the day I first met Archangel. I might have to do something about that after the baby is born. Anyway, Marella arranged a whole load of tests after ....Hunter. I wasn't pregnant nor had I caught anything undesirable from him. She did the same tests on herself. ”
He breathed a sigh of relief, “I'm sorry. I had to ask....”
“I know. No secrets, OK? If you need to know something then ask. I'm over the worst now and can talk about it. Sometimes it's hard but I've told just about everything to Andrea and some to Marella. If I can't find the words to tell you, you can ask them. It must have been hard for you too and no one thought to help you come to terms with what happened to me.”
“Thank you,” he hugged her tighter, “Can we try again, you, me, Le and the baby?”
“That sounds good, but no promises yet. What if Le hates me?”
“He'll love you, I just know it!” he was starting to hope again, “and talking of Le, I have to pick him up. Can I borrow your car?” Beth nodded. “And, if Le agrees, will you come and stay at the cabin for a few days, see how it goes?”
She only hesitated for a second before agreeing.


Hawke listened to Le chatting about his weekend, pretending to concentrate on his driving so that he didn't have to say too much. He wouldn't admit it to anyone, but he was nervous. He didn't know Le well enough to know what his reaction to Beth would be, but he did know that he was sensitive about adults leaving him. Hawke knew he would have to convince Le that having a baby around wouldn't change the way he felt about his nephew.
He realised that Le had stopped talking and was looking at him expectantly.
“Sorry Half-Pint, I wasn't paying attention. You wanna tell me that last bit again?” he apologised, realising that not paying attention to him now wasn't going to help when he wanted Le to listen to him.
“It's okay. I was just saying that I don't want lunch. We ate party leftovers for breakfast,” he confessed, knowing that his uncle liked him to eat healthily.
“A bit of junk food now and again won't hurt you,” Hawke took a deep breath, “Le, I need to talk to you about something. How about we stop for a coke?”
Le looked nervous, “Is something wrong? You have been more quiet than usual, is Dominic OK?”
Hawke was quick to reassure him, “Yeah, he's fine. It's nothing bad,” he saw a sign up ahead, “let's stop here, I can't talk while driving.”


Hawke ordered coffee and coke and they took their drinks to a quiet table where they could talk in private.
After a few false starts Hawke finally blurted out, “I've got a friend I want you to meet.”
“A friend, like a girlfriend?” Le asked hopefully.
“Yeah, how d'you guess?” Maybe this won't be too difficult, he thought.
Le shrugged, “Just a lucky guess. You should have a girlfriend then you wouldn't be so lonely.”
Where did the 13 year old get such insight, Hawke wondered. “So you'd like to meet her?”
“Yeah, I guess. What's her name? Is she pretty?”
Hawke laughed, “Her name is Beth and she's very pretty. I'd like her to stay at the cabin for a few days, see if you two get on. Is that OK with you?”
Le nodded, then looked a bit puzzled, “But where will she sleep? It's already crowded with just the two of us.” Le had been bunking on a mattress on the floor of Hawke's bedroom and sleeping arrangements would have to be changed if Beth was to stay. Oops, maybe not so easy after all. Hawke thought, thinking of the best way to explain to the boy.
“Well, she normally sleeps in my bed,” he looked closely at his nephew to gauge his reaction.
“So you sleep on the sofa, like when Dom has a bad back and you give him your bed.”
Hawke silently groaned, this was going from bad to worse. He wasn't the boy's father, hadn't brought him up, taught him about the birds and bees, as Dom used to call it. He didn't know the extent of Le's knowledge. At 13 Hawke had still been grieving for his parents and had thrown all his energy into his music; it had been a couple of years later that he had really discovered girls.
“Le, there's something I haven't told you yet. Beth is ...” What's the matter with me. I'm the grown up here, just spit it out, “.....pregnant.”
Le looked at his uncle, then hung his head, “So you're going to be a real dad,” he sounded sad and Hawke remembered his earlier thought about reassuring Le that he still wanted him. He put his hand on the boy's shoulder.
“Hey, Half-Pint, it won't make any difference to us. I promised I'd be your dad and nothing can change that.”
“But what if she doesn't like me? You'll send me away to live with someone else.”
Hawke placed a finger under his nephew's chin and lifted his head so he had to look at him. “I promised!” he said emotionally, “I'll never break that promise, never.”
Le stared into his uncle's blue eyes and mouthed the word, 'promise?'
Hawke nodded and mouthed back, 'promise'.
Le hugged him hard, then released him quickly, looking around to see if anyone had seen.
“I guess I'll take the sofa then,” he said, reassured by his uncle's promise.


The drive back to the hanger was a little awkward. Beth asked Le about school and the party he had just been to but then the conversation dried up. Hawke was out of his depth. He loved them, wanted to live with them both, all three of them when the baby came, but he couldn't make them love or even like each other, they had to do that themselves.


It was late afternoon when they finally reached the cabin and Hawke realised he was hungry.
“I'll go catch a trout,” he told them, collecting up his fishing gear.
“Yuck!” Le and Beth said in unison. They looked at each other and laughed, the tension broken.
“Let's go raid the kitchen cupboard,” Beth suggested, “and I may have some goodies in my bag.”
Hawke stood in the doorway for a few minutes, just watching them. Maybe it will be OK after all, he thought as he left them alone together.


After checking the cupboard for supplies and getting the ingredients out for dinner, Beth opened her bag.
“What did you bring?” Le asked her, looking curiously at the packets she had taken out.
“Jelly beans, all the way from England. Do you like them?”
“Dunno, can I try one?”
“Let's both have some. I can't stop eating them, I think the baby likes them.” She took plates out of the cupboard and tipped the jelly beans into them, “Eat one colour at a time, tell me which is your favourite.”
“Which is your favourite?” he asked, taking one and biting it in half.
“Green.”
“Then I'll save you the green ones,” he generously offered.


When Hawke returned he was greeted by the sight of Le and Beth sitting at the table sorting jelly beans into colours and, more importantly, talking.
“Hey String, try a jelly bean,” Le threw one at him and Hawke expertly caught it before joining them at the table.
“Michael called while you were out,” Beth told him, “apparently Mr 'White' had received letters threatening to harm him if he took this trip. He made a big mistake not telling Archangel; he's sent them both home.”
“The idiot!” Hawke exclaimed, “he could've got you killed.”
“But he didn't, I'm fine,” she said pointedly, tipping her head slightly in Le's direction. She didn't want Hawke talking about it in front of Le. He took the hint and changed the subject.
“So, what have you two been talking about? Not me I hope.” He popped the jelly bean in his mouth and grimaced, “You eat these?” he asked rhetorically.
“Uncle String, can I ask you something?”
“Anything.”
“Well, you had a secret nephew and Beth had a secret baby. Why didn't you just tell each other and we could have been a family.”
Hawke and Beth looked at each other in amazement, then laughed.
“You can answer that,” Beth said, still laughing, “he's your nephew.”
Hawke ruffled Le's hair, “Good point Le, I guess we've all learned a lesson from this. No more secrets, from now on we talk, okay?” He looked at them both, waiting for their agreement. He didn't have long to wait.
“Okay!” they both said, with genuine feeling.
Beth lifted her head and Hawke kissed her tenderly, their first kiss since they had met again. He hoped there would be many more.
And just so Le wouldn't feel left out he dropped a kiss on the top of his head.
“Now who's going to help me gut this fish?!”

After dinner Hawke took Le out on the porch to chat to him privately about the sleeping arrangements.
He felt awkward about the situation, not wanting to turf Le out of his makeshift bed on his bedroom floor, but at the same time he didn't feel comfortable with Beth in his bed and Le in the same room. Not that he couldn't control himself, it just didn't seem right. He was also worried about what would happen if Le had a nightmare; would the boy feel comfortable coming to him for comfort if Beth was there. There were so many questions that he didn't know where to start.
“Le, are you sure you're okay with Beth staying here?” he asked the boy tentatively.
“Yeah, I guess. She's nice, it's just.......”
Hawke cursed silently, here it comes, he thought, the big but.
“Half-Pint, you can talk to me about anything, you know that don't you?” Le nodded, “but if you feel you can't talk to me then there is always Dom, or Marella or Cait,” he added Marella and Cait as an afterthought as he suddenly realised that Le was probably missing having a mother figure around and might feel more comfortable talking to a woman
Le blushed and hung his head not sure how to put into words what he wanted to say. “Uncle String, I want to talk to you, really I do.....”
“How about you just come out and say it Le? I won't be cross at you, I promise.”
Le took a big sigh, he looked like he had the whole world on his shoulders and Hawke remembered how hard it was to be a teenager, not really a boy any more but not yet a man. “Well if Beth is going to have a baby then you and her must have...well, you know....”
Hawke nodded, “We were lovers. Does that bother you?”
“Not really, I mean it's kinda like you're married, like Aunt Minh and Darren. It's just that, well, the loft isn't really private, it's not like a real bedroom with walls and a door and if you're going to......well, I'll be just downstairs on the sofa, real close to you,” he finished in a rush.
“Oh, Half-Pint,” Hawke tried hard to hide a smile, “we won't do anything to embarrass you, I promise.” .
Le looked relieved, “I could stay at Dom's sometimes, if you wanted.”
“No Le. I won't push you away. I have been thinking for a while now that I might see about building you your own bedroom, at the back of the cabin. What do you think of that?”
“That would be cool! Can I help?”
“Of course you can. We can start making plans tomorrow.”
The front door opened and Beth popped her head out, “You boys finished talking yet? I'm going to bed.”
Hawke looked at Le and rolled his eyes in disgust, saying to Le, sotto voice, “Doesn't she know we're men, not boys?” Le giggled, his earlier embarrassment forgotten.


Later that night, holding Beth in his arms as she slept, Stringfellow Hawke lay awake just staring at the ceiling, lost in thought.
He had a family!
Beth, the unborn baby and Le. Even Dom, taking the role of grandfather.
It seemed too good to be true.
Was he really going to get his 'happy ever after'?
As the thought crossed his mind his heart constricted.
Something was going to go wrong.
He felt as though he had been punched in the gut as he gasped for air. Beth stirred in his arms and he fought to get a control of himself.
St. John! How could he have forgotten him? He was part of his family even if he wasn't around just now.
A sudden image of St. John was projected into his mind. An aged St. John, looking as he would now, not 15 years ago.
What did that mean? Was he coming back?
Stringfellow Hawke sighed. He was tired, probably dreaming. His thoughts meant nothing, just dreams.
He would be there to protect his family. He would do everything in his power to keep them safe. But would it be enough?