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Secrets	By : SeasonofSons Category: S through Z > Sons of Anarchy Views: 4002 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Sons of Anarchy or any of the characters used in this fiction work. All rights belong to FX and Kurt Sutter. I make no profit from the publication of this work.

Chapter List
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   Weeks passed quickly, the group becoming more accepting of Jax's polygamous choices every day. Tara took the paternity test, reluctantly to say the least, and things came back as Opie had predicted, Thomas was most definitely Happy's son. Nothing changed for the three, each man taking equal responsibility for both boys, and each boy loving both men like his own father. The three banded together even more after Tara's attack, that which crippled her hand, destroyed her best asset. Regardless of this trouble, of Wendy's intrusion into their perfect life, they kept themselves strong, and things seemed to be working for Jax, and SAMCRO in general, until Gemma cornered the young VP in the chapel one day, her face solemn.

   The letters she passed to Jax destroyed his calm, his mindset, his peace. No one to turn to, betrayed by everyone that meant anything to him. He no longer felt a trust with Tara, Gemma, or the MC... Even Happy held secrets, he felt. The world turned upside down, and he could blame no one and nothing but himself, and his own ignorance to the things that were right in front of his blinded blue eyes. When Tara suggested killing Clay, his own president, he was torn. To murder a brother is the ultimate crime... But had Clay done anything to deserve better?
   "Jax, please... Talk to me, baby..." Hap's voice was weak, begging. Jax scowled deeper and continued to stare up at the starry night sky. His long body was propped perfectly on his bike, the only movement his breathing as he inhaled and exhaled cigarette smoke. Happy knelt next to him. "Jax... Love... Please."

"Leave me alone." Jax choked out, his gaze not leaving the sky. "No. You're scaring me."

"Happy, stop it... Just leave me be for fuck's sake."

"Jesus Christ Jax!" Happy snarled. "Stop being such a fucking asshole!" He shoved Jax hard off his bike. The blonde shouted in surprise, landing on the pavement with a painful sounding thud. "What the fuck?!" Jax shouted, rising and brushing the dirt from his jeans. He shoved Happy. "Get off my fucking dick, Goddamnit!"

"Then tell me what the fuck is going on!" Jax shook his head, running a hand down his face and tugging his scruffy beard. "Just back the fuck off, Hap." He warned, pointing a finger at Hap before straddling his bike. Hap sighed and slid on behind him, squeezing his hips painfully tight. "I love you, Jax, and you aren't okay. Please." He murmured in Jax's ear. He nuzzled his lips over the smooth flesh of his neck, earning a shiver from Jax. The younger man tried weakly to shove him back, but Hap continued. He nibbled his earlobe, kissing down his neck. "Someone will see... And stop trying to fucking convince me to talk. I don't want to fucking talk." Jax murmured, but his resolve was fading. "Then don't talk... Just relax... Let me love you... Let me help you forget." He breathed. Jax squeezed his eyes shut, his body hypersensitive to Happy's lips. He leaned back on Hap. "Someone's gonna see us..." He breathed. "I don't give a fuck... If it makes you stop acting like this... We'll give them a fucking show." Jax shivered again. "This really isn't the time..."

"Then tell me what's going on?" He whispered against Jax's ear. Jax's body slumped against Happy's. "Take me out to that wooded area we went to with Tara..." He said softly. Happy nodded. He rose and got onto his own bike, squeezing Jax's hand when the younger man slid on behind him.

   "So what's going on?" Hap asked, pushing up Jax's shirt and tracing lazy lines on his belly. "Gemma... She gave me... She gave me letters to Maureen." He took a shaky breath. "They were letters from my father... They said... They explained that..." He sighed again. "Clay killed my father." Hap sat up quickly. "What?!" Jax looked away, holding his breath for a long moment. "The letters don't explain exactly... But Gemma knows... Clay was the one that killed Piney... Because of those letters... He was the one that hurt Tara's fucking hand..." Happy's face contorted into a grimace, his hand tightening into a fist on Jax's taut belly. Jax reached down and took his hand. "Why isn't he already fucking dead?" He snarled. "Because we need him." Happy turned on Jax then. "Why do we fucking need him?" Jax sighed softly. "If I tell you this... You will not say anything, do you understand? To anyone." Hap nodded. He slowly, stutteringly, explained the truth, about RICO, about the cartel.

   Happy sighed deeply after the final words were spoken, sparking up a cigarette. He handed one to Jax as well, lying back on the cool grass. "This is heavy, Jax... A big secret..." He nodded. "I know... And it kills me to keep it... But I have to save the club."

"So what? What are we going to do?" Jax closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He moved over, resting his head on Hap's shoulder. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the patch he'd ripped from Clay's cut. He laid it on Hap's belly. "I'm fixing this club. I'm taking head of the table... And I'm making us whole again." The words were heavy in the air, hanging. Happy picked up the patch, flipping it over in his hand. "Doing this... Jax... You can't leave Charming if you do this..." Jax nodded. "I know. And it's the hardest fucking decision I've ever had to make. But like I told Tara... I can fucking leave the club... But I can't let it die." Hap nodded slowly. "I'm with you, brother." He sat up, slipping the patch into Jax's pocket before straddling him and capturing his mouth in a smoky kiss. Jax groaned, kissing back. He reached up and ran his hands down Hap's smooth scalp, his nails biting into the older man's neck. Hap snarled against his mouth. He slipped his hand down to Jax's groin, squeezing the stiffening mound. Jax pulled away to groan, arching his back. Hap smirked. "Do you want to do this here?"

"Yes... Something... Anything to get my mind off all of this shit." He whispered, panting against Hap's neck. Happy nodded. "Take me then..." Jax looked at him, his gaze fuzzy with lust. "What?"

"Take control... I know you have aggression... Fuck knows I've seen you take it out on Tara... And for fuck's sake... With all the shit that's been happening... Come on." He smiled comfortingly and flipped Jax's belt open one handed. "Fuck me... Prez." He teased, making Jax laugh. The blonde leaned up and flicked his tongue playfully over Hap's lips, earning a snarl and a hard bite to his own lip. Hap rolled next to him and wiggled his jeans and shorts down, stroking himself to full mast. Jax undid his jeans and pulled himself free of the confinements of his boxers, slipping his hand over his own erection. Hap smirked and rolled, rising on all fours. He looked over at Jax with a lusty expression, his already dark eyes black in the moonlight. Jax rose and moved behind him, leaning over and lapping a warm, wet line from his lower back to the bottom of his hips. Hap shivered as the cooling air touched his wet flesh. Jax spat, using saliva to slick and stretch his lover. "We still need to get those tattoos... I've already married Tara... I want to make things as official as I can between us." He purred against Happy's hip. The bigger man shivered. "Tonight then... I'll pull out my equipment... I can do them." Jax smiled against the tan flesh. "Deal." He straightened up and slicked himself up, slipping inch by inch into his lover's tight warmth. Hap tensed under Jax; it'd been a long while since their roles were reversed like this.

   Jax took things slow, unsure of himself in such a dominant position with Happy. Finally the mature biker looked back at Jax. "Jesus Christ..." He panted. "Just let go, Jax... Give me everything..." His gaze softened. "Let me help you in the only way I know how..." He breathed. Jax froze at the words for a long moment. He leaned over and grabbed Hap's throat, feeling the throb of his pulse in time with the clenching around his dick. He pulled Hap up and pressed a messy kiss to his mouth before shoving him back into his position and pistoning into the bigger man. Hap yelped in the darkness, his body tensing in surprise. Jax's body slumped over Hap, looking at peace save for the rapid, needy thrusts his hips were making into the older biker. His fingers dug into Hap's hips as he drew closer and closer to his edge, teeth gritted against pleasure he so loved to feel.

   Jax thrust deep, his vision darkening at the edges as he came inside his lover. Happy gave a decidedly un-masculine moan as his body tensed, muscles on his back standing out on sweat dampened flesh. Jax worked himself down before pulling out and flipping Hap over, dropping to all fours and taking the man's purpling member down his throat. Happy screamed Jax's name, fisting his fingers in the young man's hair and tugging hard. Jax grumbled against his member, earning another yank to his scalp. He bobbed his head eagerly, tongue lapping the precum that dribbled freely from Hap's tip. The stronger man, turned jelly at the blonde's mouth, squirmed and bucked on the damp grass, his muscles flexing and relaxing over and over. He released Jax's hair to bury his fingers in the grass, ripping some up by the roots as his own orgasm washed over him.

   Before Hap could fully recover, Jax's mouth was on his, tonguing open his lips. Hap smirked a little as he tasted his own semen, and kissed back, burying his fist in Jax's hair again. Tongues flipped and fought with each other, the fluid passing from mouth to mouth in the messy, lusty kiss. Finally Jax pulled away, swallowing what was left in his mouth with a grimace. Hap chuckled throatily. The blonde flopped onto the grass next to his lover, lazily tucking himself back into his jeans and zipping them. "Feel better?" Hap breathed, lighting up a cigarette. Jax smirked. "Much... I love you."

"I love you too, brother." He handed the cigarette to Jax and lit another, drawing in a breath of the always perfect post-coital smoke.
   "Trust me?" Hap asked as he dipped the needle of his gun into the black ink. Jax grinned. "Of course." He leaned forward and gave Hap a warm kiss. Hap smirked and pulled Jax's hand close to him, resting it on his knee as he began. The strokes were long, but gentle, and Jax leaned back, sighing happily at the sting he loved. Hap worked silently and quickly, not ten minutes had passed before he was applying ointment to the finished piece. Jax looked down and grinned widely. Wrapped around his finger, directly under the knuckle, so even wearing his wedding band it would show, was a reaper's scythe, the blade ending directly past his knuckle. Hap sat back, methodically disassembling his station, only to begin setting it up again for his own tattoo. "Do you like it?"

"I love it, babe." He leaned over and pressed another kiss to Hap's mouth. "I'll need you to keep my hand still while I do this, okay?" Jax nodded. He took Happy's hand and rested it on his knee as Hap began working on his own scythe.
   The jail was cold and unforgiving for the four inside... But Jax would have given anything to be back in it, whole, that terrible decision pending hours ahead of him. All the tension in the world, he'd take it over this loss... This feeling of complete emptiness.

   Weeks had passed since Jax took leadership in the club, and things had steadily worsened. Most recently, Jax, Chibs, and Tig had been locked into a jail full of men wanting to kill them, on charges that simply had to be lies. Opie had assaulted their lovely new sheriff, and landed himself a spot right next to them... And right into the grave. Jax knew why Opie had done it. For the same reasons that Juice had attempted suicide, the same reasons Clay had killed Piney, almost killed Tara... It had become simply too much. Life. SAMCRO. Had become too much. And for that. For all of his brothers' lives, Jax felt a sickening guilt. The feeling crawled under his skin, an infestation of the soul. No amount of drinking or fucking could erase it.

   The blonde sat on the wet grass, shivering. He finished off his drink and set the empty bottle next to the other four, reaching for another out of the box. A heavy hand gripped his wrist, pulling him out of his hazy world. He looked up to see a concerned Happy looking over him. "Keep going at this rate and you won't make it home whole." Jax pulled his wrist free and grabbed a bottle anyways, cracking it and taking a long swig. Hap sat down next to him silently. "Were you sober driving out here?"

"Mostly." Jax slurred a little, his head hung. Hap pushed his greasy locks behind his ear. "You need to talk to someone, Jax..."

"No... Everyone has their own problems... They don't need mine."

"I want your problems, babe... That's what I'm here for." Jax looked at Hap, struggling to clear his vision. His eyes were glittery with unshed tears. "Let me take you home."

"No... The boys don't need to see me like this." He pushed Hap back a little when the man attempted to embrace him. "Then let me take you to the clubhouse." Hap offered. "Don't need anyone talking to me..." Jax mumbled. "Plus... I'm sure you'll want to cuddle, and there's too many... Too many people..." He forced the words out. "Then a hotel. I'll call Tara, she'll understand. Let me take care of you, Jax... It's cold out here, and you're drunk." He kissed Jax's temple. Jax grunted and took another swig of the beer. Hap sat up straighter and hunched over, digging his phone out of his pockets. He spoke in quiet tones to Tara, letting her know no, he wasn't coming home, yes he was okay, yes, he'd take care of him, yes, they loved her too. By the time he'd finished, Jax was setting the other bottle with his pile. He reached over to grab another and snarled, annoyed, when he found the six pack empty. He staggered to his feet and dug his keys from his pocket. Hap leapt up and snagged the keys from him. "I hope you aren't thinking of fucking driving anywhere."

"Want more beer." He said, rubbing his eyes. "No. I'll get it. And I'm bringing you to a hotel."

"My bike..."

"I'll call Juicy to come and get it." Jax scowled. "Okay..." He sat back down, too tired, and too drunk, to argue.

   Hap helped Jax onto the back of his bike when he heard Juice nearing with the truck. He lit up a cigarette and offered it to Jax, lighting his own. Juice pulled up next to the bike. "Hey guys." He said softly, hopping down. Hap got off the bike and gave Juice a hug, gentle. "How's he doing?" Juice asked quietly. Hap shook his head and jutted his chin at the pile of beer bottles. "Oh Jesus... Poor guy." He squeezed Hap's shoulder. "Take care of him, yeah?"

"Of course."

   Hap and Juice loaded Jax's bike onto the truck. Hap slapped Juice on the back before walking back to Jax and sliding on in front of him. "Can you hold onto me?"

"Yeah... Not that fucking drunk." The words were murky and slurred. "Yes, you are." Jax frowned.

   "Jax..." Hap leaned into the main room. They'd arrived at the hotel about twenty minutes previous, and since their arrival, Jax had only sat on the bed, sipping water and smoking. Jax drew him a bath, attempting now to get him into the tub. Jax stripped lethargically, throwing everything, including his cut, with a ferocity that made Hap wince. The younger man slipped into the steaming tub, sliding to allow the now nude Hap to slide in behind him. Hap poured water gently over his body, kissing his neck. "Talk to me." He breathed against Jax's neck. Jax shook his head, taking a shaky breath. "Please..."

"I watched it... He..." He shook his head. "I shouldn't have let him go into that fucking room."

"You had no choice... Opie made his decision, Jax."

"I could have stopped him."

"No. That's your fucking problem... You think you can save everyone Jax and sometimes you just fucking can't. This club killed Opie's wife, his father, destroyed his fucking life. I don't lame him for wanting to die... It was his fucking choice, Jackson." Jax winced like he'd been slapped. Hap nuzzled his neck, his lips brushing against his ear. "Just let it go... He was your best friend, and your brother. Grieve over that. Grieve for your loss, don't let your fucking guilt and pride get in the fucking way... Give up on your guilt, please." He pulled Jax tight to his chest and took his hand. "Let me help you grieve, okay? Let me help you heal." Jax crumbled then, his body slumping against Hap's, his entire form quivering as the unshed tears finally pushed through the barrier. Hap turned him carefully to face him and let Jax straddle him, burying his face in his neck to sob against his damp flesh. Happy squeezed him tightly, rubbing his water and sweat slicked back, humming patiently, soothingly, against his ear.

   When Jax's tears had finally dried, Hap helped him out of the tub and dried him off. He settled them both into the uncomfortable hotel mattress and snuggled Jax close to him. "I love you, Jax... Please don't forget that... I'm always here.."
   Healing from Opie's death was a slow process, painful and aching. Relations with the club, however, made it easier to forget about the pain, for a few hours at a time at least. Jax was struggling to focus on the task at hand as he dug out a large sum of money from the safe. Happy leaned in. "Chuckie says fat man took the bait... We should head over." Jax nodded. "Yeah, one second." He shoved the money into his cut and belted his gun onto his side. Hap smirked and grabbed Jax, pressing a kiss to his mouth, quick, but loving, before stepping back. Jax took a wary look around, still concerned about their relationship at times. Only Juice sat in the clubhouse, and he was smirking lightly at the two. Jax's lips curled into a grin and he dipped his head to acknowledge Juice. "Let's go blackmail Free Willy." He said when he was within earshot of Juice. The young Puerto Rican laughed and hopped off the bar, trotting next to Happy.
   "I can't believe what we did to that poor kid." Juice said, shaking his head and laughing. The group was dispersed throughout the garage's parking lot, chatting after their blackmail session with the one remaining vote for Hale. "It had to be done." Happy shrugged, leaning against the railing Juice was propped on. "You sure you can make that look real?"

"Oh yeah, basic Photoshop. I could almost do it in paint it'll be so easy." Hap chuckled, flipping his toothpick to the other side of his mouth. "You're really smart with that stuff, kid... Where'd you learn it?"

"New York. Some buddies of mine taught me pretty much everything I know about computers, I've just picked up some stuff along the way." Happy nodded. "You ever miss New York?"

"No."

"Don't you have family there?" Juice shrugged. "A little... If you wanna call them that... I don't miss much about my past... I don't have anybody, really... If I needed help from someone, serious help... SAMCRO would be the only people that could give it to me." Happy nodded, staying silent. Juice looked over at him. "How'd you come to terms with being gay?"

"I'm not gay... So much... As I just don't give a fuck. I like Jax because he has the qualities I like in a person." He shrugged. "I like other men, and other women, for the same reasons."

"Anyone else in the club you like?"

"Sure, I admire lots of these guys. Maybe not all for looks, but all for their brains."

"I mean sexually..." Juice's voice was soft, shy. Happy looked over at him. "Yeah. A few."

"Who?" Hap chuckled then, spitting out his toothpick and lighting up a cigarette. "Like you wanna know."

"I do." Hap looked over at him again. "Tell no one."

"Secret's my middle name." Juice's grin was wide, child-like, and Happy had to laugh. "Chibs. He's handsome... Smart... Loyal. You. A little young for me, but your loyalty is unmatched, even by Jax." A flush filled Juice's tan cheeks and he grinned again. Compliments were a rare thing in the club for him since Jax had found out about his RICO involvement... Though not many knew, it was as if most of them had subconsciously ostracized him. "That's not weird is it?" Hap asked, his brow furrowing. "No. I know you wouldn't try anything... You fucking love Jax. Probably more than the club." Hap smirked and nodded. "Yeah. I do." The two sat in a comfortable silence for a long moment. "So, Venus... What'd you think of her?"

"Creepy."

"Really? You've never considered... You know..." He made scissor motions with his hand. Hap's face contorted. "Fucking fuck no! I happen to like my junk long and hanging to the left, my voice deep and my chest flat... Fuck that shit. I mean more power to her but..." He shivered theatrically, making Juice laugh. "Come on, even once? As a kid even?"

"No. Did you?" Juice's face flushed again, giving him away. "Shit, really?" Hap asked. "Look, don't tell the guys. I'd never live it down... I used to dress up as a chick for fun..." Happy began to chuckle, but it soon turned into a full out guffaw. Juices cheeks and ears burned. He hung his head, ashamed. Hap, seeing this, slapped him on the shoulder. "No shame, little brother. We all have our secrets. Fuck, I stick my dick in our club President's mouth, I think a few questionable outfits as a kid is forgivable if that fucking is." Juice chuckled a little, nodding. "I guess so."
   Hap tried his hardest to ignore Jax's face while his hands worked steadily to blot out Clay's weather worn reaper. The entire club was solemn, but Jax looked... Wrong. He paused, looking longingly to Jax when the blonde stalked off, and his needle dug noticeably deeper when he heard his bike start up and fade into the night.

   When he'd finished, he hurriedly broke down his station, eager to find his lover. His hands were shaking noticeably when Chibs walked up to him. "Thank you, brother." Hap grunted, freezing when Chibs turned him and pulled him into a hug. "Go to him, tell him he's loved, no matter what happens." Hap nodded, grunting out an affirmative reply. "I'll finish packing up your stuff. Just go." Chibs said when Hap turned to finish packing his tattoo kit. He set his hands over Hap's and smiled comfortingly. Hap nodded and disappeared out the side door.

   Hap called Jax in a panic when he couldn't find his bike at their house. "Yeah?" Jax's voice was gruff. "Where are you, love?"

"Our spot." Jax mumbled. Hap snapped the phone shut, knowing immediately where he meant.    Hap had barely parked his bike before hopping off, taking long strides to where Jax lay on the ground. His hoodie balled up underneath his head. He flopped next to him. "All done?" Jax asked his voice barely above a whisper. "All done. Why'd you leave?" Jax shrugged. "I might hate him, but he's still... Was still a brother. It hurts to see our ink blacked out like that. The shame it brings." Hap nodded. "I understand. Come here." He raised an arm, allowing Jax to slide over and rest his head on Hap's chest. "Things are going to start working out for the better now, baby. I can feel it."

"I can't." Jax retorted negatively. "All I feel is desperation." Hap sighed sadly.

"Tara... She's so freaked out over this fucking thing with Otto. I don't know how to bring her close again."

"You can't. It's a choice she will need to make on her own." Jax sighed sadly and Hap immediately regretted his words. "Just... Be there for her. That will help more than anything you could tell her." Jax nodded slowly, closing his eyes as he listened to the steady beat of his lover's heart.
   If bad luck was a shadow, it would have been Jackson Teller's own. When things calmed down with Clay's removal from the club, the tides turned again, rapidly, throwing the small happy corner of Jax's world into the cold spotlight that was the MC. When Eli knocked on the door to the Teller household that night, Hap fully expected that he and Jax would be taken away, on some charge or the other. When Eli looked at both men mournfully, and asked for Tara, his stomach fell through a hole in his guts. He rose quickly, grabbing Tara's arm protectively. "This is fucking ridiculous, sheriff..." He snarled. Eli smiled sadly. "I'm sorry Happy. Jax. I have to do this." He and his deputy led the confused Tara out, their son sobbing in his crib. Hap followed Jax quickly, wrapping firm arms a around him and Thomas.

   They stood like that until Gemma entered. She paused for a long moment, then squeezed Hap's arm. "I'm here, son." She whispered to Jax, who leaned into his mother's embrace. She comforted the shocked Jax while Hap took Thomas, settling him back to bed and going to make coffee for them... It was going to be a long night. He was already into two cups and three cigarettes when Jax and Gemma emerged from Thomas' bedroom. Happy rose, pulling Jax into his lap on the couch. They shared a cigarette while Gemma sat across from them, eyeing them warily. "Did that sheriff see you, Happy?"

"Of course he did. I was on the couch."

"Shit... Does he know about..." She motioned to the two. "Is this really the time, Gemma?" Hap grumbled. "I'm trying to protect the club, and you two... If he lets something out that you're here..."

"No one will fucking care." Jax said, annoyed. "If all you wanna do is harass me about Happy, then leave." Gemma pulled back, an injured expression on her face. "No, son. That isn't what I want to do... I'm asking because with Tara being in jail... If dfs decides to stick their noses onto this and someone makes a note that you two are together, things could go bad for your family... While Tara's away, I'll stay here... If anyone asks, we can just say both of us, me and Hap, are working to help you with the boys. We'll set up a fake makeshift bed on the couch for Hap. It's to protect you guys." Jax smiled softly, surprised. "Thank you, Gemma." She smiled. "Just protecting my family." She looked to Hap. "My whole family."
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Secrets