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He's the One That I Want	By : KTT2123 Category: 1 through F > Criminal Minds Views: 8526 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds nor its characters. I am making no money from this.

Chapter List
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Later, Josh gets a phone call from Reid, who is using a pre-paid cell phone. “I see you got a visit from Morgan,” Reid states.
“You saw that, did you? How close was it?”
“Close enough. Thankfully I saw him before he saw me.”
Josh wonders if that luck is a good or bad thing.
“Did you tell him anything?” Spencer asks.
“About where you are?”
“Yes.”
“I don’t know where you are, and even if I did I wouldn’t have told him.”
“But you told him something else didn’t you?” Reid infers.
“God, you are such a profiler. How did you know?”
“You answered my question with a question. If you hadn’t told him anything, you would have just said no.”
“Well, shit. You know how hard it is to fool you profiler man?” Josh jokes.
Unfortunately, Reid can’t summon a laugh and gets straight to the point, “What did you tell him?”
“I told him about your views on sexuality...and about your sexuality.”
“Oh.”
“Spencer, you never told him. Why didn’t you just tell him?”
“You know why.”
“Did you tell any of them?”
“No.”
“Spencer, why? I want a real answer this time.”
He reluctantly answers, “They all seem to like to think that I am asexual, completely socially incompetent, or at least very, very inexperienced. Granted I realize I tend to be socially awkward, especially when compared to Morgan, so I get where they are coming from. But I’m certain most of the team, if not all of them, think I’m still a virgin. A thirty year old virgin, jeez…” Reid replies wryly. Spencer knows he’s not a player like Morgan but despite what his colleagues think he is not a virgin. He hasn’t been for quite some time, and he’s slept with more than one person. Spencer sighs loudly. He doesn’t add that he is afraid they will reject him or be disgusted by his sexuality, irrational or not. It wouldn’t be the first time. His own father completely disowned when he found out, not that he was in Reid’s life much before that. Spencer has not seen his father since.
“So, why didn’t you set them straight?”
“In the beginning it was just easier…”
“You mean safer.” Josh won’t allow him excuses in which to hide behind.
“Yes, safer, to let them believe that. It takes me a long time to trust, you know that.”
“But you’ve been with them eight years! Don’t you think there was a chance for you to tell them in all that time? It’s because of your father, isn’t it?”
“That’s…part of the reason,” Spencer admits grudgingly.
“It’s more than part, isn’t it? They aren’t your father, Spencer. He isn’t like your father. They wouldn’t reject you like he did. You know these people. You should know they wouldn’t do that after eight years together. Spencer, you trust them with your life but not with parts of who you are?”
“Who’s the profiler now?” Reid shoots back, clearly trying to avoid answering the question.
“It’s obvious Spencer, even to me.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
“Well?”
“Morgan already knows, so the rest of team will know. He’ll want to know if anyone else knew.”
“Spencer, where are you going to stay now?”
“I can’t tell you, it’s best that way. I’m sure Garcia is monitoring this call in an effort to find me.”
“Okay. But take care of yourself. And let me know if you need anything, okay?”
“I will. Thanks Josh.”
Penelope Garcia fills Morgan in on the phone call between Reid and Josh, but can’t give him any clues as to where to find him. She is able to determine he’s still in the city but can’t narrow it down fast enough to get a useful location. The phone call makes Garcia wonder about Spencer, it seems he’s either gay or bisexual or something other than straight. And poor Spencer was rejected by his own father because his sexuality. He sounded so tired, so resigned that she wants to gather him in her arms and embrace him. She wants to tell him he’s wrong, that they will support and love him, no matter his sexuality. For once Penelope keeps her thoughts and questions to herself, figuring if Derek or Spencer had wanted her to know, they would tell her. Morgan also keeps what he’s learned to himself, telling no one what he learned about Reid’s sexuality. Despite what Spencer thinks, he will not tell the others anything he’s learned.
Derek finds it heart-breaking that Reid was apparently rejected by his own father because of his sexuality. *It’s no wonder Reid can’t trust, with all the pain, the rejections he’s endured. As if being a genius, his father’s desertion, and his mother’s illness weren’t hard enough, Reid had to, at some point, deal with his own father’s rejection simply because of who he is.*
CMCMCMCMCMCM
Reid had planned ahead, knowing that it was possible that someone, most likely Derek and Garcia, would find him at Josh’s. Spencer had laid out a plan with Josh in case one of the team found him. Following the plan, Josh goes to a movie after the phone call, stays for 45 minutes before leaving and meeting up with Reid. Josh gives him some cash and a new burner cell.
As Josh is about to leave, he hesitates and looks at his friend. Reid is a shadow of the man he was just a few days ago, hell a few hours ago. His gorgeous brown orbs are dimmed by sorrow and despondency. His skin unbelievably pale and the circles under his eyes stand out so stark against his skin that he looks like he hasn’t slept for weeks. Reid even appears frail, instead of merely thin, as if his emotional pain is eating away not only his mind but his body as well. He looks…broken.
“Spencer?”
Reid’s sad eyes meet Josh’s.
“I think you’re underestimating him. Morgan, he cares more than you think. What if you’re wrong, what if he feels the same way about you? Spencer, you should have seen how miserable he was, how hurt he was that you hid things from him, that you didn’t trust him enough to share your secrets. Did you ever think that maybe Morgan has feelings for you, too? That maybe he just doesn’t realize it yet or isn’t brave enough to speak up first? You can’t give up on something this important before you even try. Tell him. Give him a chance, give yourself a chance.”
“Josh. I just can’t face his rejection or pity or hatred. I’ve survived a lot of things but I don’t think I can live through that.”
“But if you don’t take that risk, you won’t ever have a chance of happiness. Spencer, you love him! For almost five years, you have been in love with Morgan. Five years and you haven’t gotten over him. Not even a little bit! How can telling him that, be any worse than what you are going through right now? Face it Spencer, he might be it for you. The one, your forever love, the one person no one else can ever compare to. Judging from how long you’ve unsuccessfully tried to get over him, that seems very unlikely. There is no possibility of happiness in giving up without a fight. You are simply guaranteeing yourself more heartache. Do you want to be miserable the rest of your life? How can you be willing to give up everything you love: Derek, the BAU, your job, your life, to hide this secret? But aren’t willing to risk rejection and tell him you love him. Please Spencer, tell him. You trust him with your life every day on the job. Trust him with your heart; trust that he won’t let your heart shatter. You need to take a leap of faith, Spencer. I know it is scary, I do. You remember how afraid I was to tell that Neanderthal I loved him but look at us now. We wouldn’t be together if I hadn’t taken that risk, that leap of faith. Because he sure wasn’t going to. Take your own leap of faith.”
Reid remains silent but Josh can see his mind working. If nothing else, Spencer has at least listened to what he had to say. Josh can only hope that it is enough.
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He's the One That I Want