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The Lies we Tell Ourselves	By : ihatethesnow Category: S through Z > The Walking Dead Views: 2354 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own The Walking Dead or any characters. I will not be making any money from this story.

Chapter List
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Abe brought Lori back inside, and helped her sit at the table. She needed to eat. In the year since the baby girl was born, she became emotionally withdrawn from everyone. She would sit alone in her cell all day long, with the privacy curtain closed. She fell into a deep depression. Her children were gone. Her husband may as well be gone. He physically here, but he checked out emotionally years ago. They were glued at the hip after Carl died, but after the farm fell, and when she pulled away after he told her about Shane. That was it. From that night to the time he put his hand on her shoulder on the catwalk, they were living apart.
She thought it was her karma. She pulled away from him when he needed her the most, and he pulled away when she was desperate for any kind of affection or emotional support. It's been two years. She was angry at first. She remembered his reaction to her facial expression when they were talking about leaving the farm. I can take that from anyone else, but not from you. How can you compare not being with someone emotionally when they need comfort, to ignoring your wife throughout her pregnancy, and not being there when the baby dies? She was not aware that he held her hand when she was unconscious, begging her to wake up, sleeping next to her and holding her tightly. He couldn't look in her eyes, especially after everything that went on. With the guilt he carried, he was ashamed of the way he treated her.
He knew her well enough that she counted the days until the baby's first birthday. That marked two years of the pure rejection she he felt whenever he looked the other way. He missed his wife. He missed being with her. His cell was right next to Bob and Sasha's, and he would hear them making love during the night. It reminded him of their honeymoon...they would be woken up during the pounding on the wall of the couple next to them. They would laugh at the moaning and the constant thumping, and ended up making love themselves.
Rick walked back into the cellblock from the guard tower, and made eye contact with Lori. She was so used to a quick glance and looking away. She looked back, and he was still looking at her. She knew that look. He wanted to talk. She stared, in disbelief, as he walked up to her and sat down next to her. Abe handed Lori some water and a bowl of oatmeal before walking away. Everyone else in the cellblock saw the two together, and didn't know what to expect. Some walked away, not wanting to see a fight, others stayed close, to break up a potential fight. Lori was stunned, and her hands started to shake with anxiety. He said to her that he wanted to talk. It can be on her terms. They could go outside, while the day was still young and it wasn't hot yet, and get some fresh air. He has so much he wants to say to her. His voice cracked, and he had tears in his eyes. He said they could talk whenever she wants to. Today, next week, next month, whenever. While he began to stutter and tried to find to words to say something, she thought that two years went by. In those two years they lost T, Andrea and Dale, who survived the farm, only to be attacked while they were on foot. Too much time has gone by, too much wasted time. While he was still thinking of what to say to ask her to sit down and talk, she said, "right now is good."
He looked at her and gave her a tight smile, as a tear fell out of his eye.
"We can go outside." she said.
He nodded his head, and they both stood up. He grabbed the water and the bowl, and followed her out the door.
The only privacy they could get was in the office of the guard tower. Nobody would have any reason to look in there. Daryl took Beth by the hand and led her in.
As Daryl shut and locked the door Beth took off her shirt and bra. Daryl walked over and gave her a kiss, shoving his tongue deep in her mouth. She unbuttoned his shirt as he was unzipping her jeans. As soon as her jeans hit the floor she kicked them away. He backed her against the wall, and started kissing her neck, which he found out drove her wild. He kissed her mouth again, before crouching down and sucking on her breasts. She bit her lip in anticipation. He licked his way down to her panties, and took his time taking them off. He took one of her legs and put it over his shoulder. He slid in one, then two fingers, while using his thumb to rub her clit. He looked up and smiled when he saw her face twist in pleasure. He moved his mouth over her mound, and used his tongue to lick her folds, while sliding in a third finger. She grabbed his hair tightly, and tried to hide a loud moan. He took her clit in his mouth and sucked on it, making her legs buckle. He grabbed her before she hit the floor, and kissed her smiling mouth. He turned her over, grabbed her hips and pulled her towards him. He unzipped his pants and pulled them down, and shoved himself into her wet center. She groaned and he grunted with every thrust. He leaned forward and grabbed her breast, massaging it hard. He whispered "come for me...come hard." She wasted no time in complying. Her breath hitched, her muscles tightened, and her body gently shook. When he knew she came, he picked up the pace and continued to slam himself into her. He pounded for what felt like forever, and came deep inside her. Feeling him come make Beth have another orgasm. They lay down together, on the floor of the office.
"Fuck...Beth...Oh, God."
"This could be our place...it's quiet, we have privacy."
"Well, I wanna talk to your dad. He's alright with Maggie and Glenn sharing a cell. I think he's cool with me, but if he finds out what we're doing I'll get a shotgun up my ass. I want to start sleeping in your cell. We have a privacy curtain...be more comfortable than here."
"Or the boiler room, against the wall in the shower room, against the wall on the other end of courtyard, bent over the sink in the cafeteria, or me holding onto the watchtower rail and you behind me." She laughed, thinking of all the times they've met for sex. Not just sex. They fucked. They kissed as well, but it was pure lust, pure sex, pure fucking. In the 7, 8 months...who keeps track anymore, they fucked every chance they could, any place they could.
"You been keeping track?"
"Yep."
"What's your favorite?"
"The shower room. Completely naked and wet, your body slick with soap...I love how you licked me. And the hot water..."
"Shit, girl." Beth looked over at him and laughed, as he showed her he was hard again. He rolled on top of her and was balls deep on one motion. She wrapped her legs around his torso and arched her back as he sucked on her breast, nibbling on the nipple. He rolled over, and she was on top, every inch of him inside her. He loved seeing her breasts bounce as he thrusted upward. She was sweaty, and her hair was a mess. He thought she never looked more beautiful. She rolled her hips as he pounded into her, pulling her down for a deep kiss and grabbing her breast. Her muscles tightened, and she let out a moan, and smiled when she felt him squirt inside of her.
"I love you, Beth."
"I love you too, Daryl Dixon."
Rick and Lori walked out into the courtyard, and he gestured for her to sit in one of the chairs. He grabbed another, and put it right in front of her. They were sitting face to face, their knees inches apart. Rick said to Lori that she should eat, that she's too thin, and that he has some talking and explaining to do anyway.
He took a deep breath and started, hoping that he'd remember the speech he had planned.
"Lori. Please let me say I'm sorry. I'm sorry for not being there for you during your pregnancy, the fall, delivery or after the baby died. I should have been the man you needed. You have every right to hate me. You have every right to tell me to go to hell and that you never want to see me again. I'm the world biggest asshole. Last night I didn't get a wink of sleep. I stared at the ceiling all night long, thinking about you and what our love use to be. I think that after all these years later, this isn't love that I still feel in my heart. It's fear. It's the feeling that I haven't had since I woke up in that hospital bed. I'm so scared, Lori. I'm scared I'll never be loved as much as you loved me, and I'm so fucking scared I'll never love anybody as much as I love you. I would do anything to change the past two years. Anything. I let my damn pride get in the way, and then I thought we were too far gone. I wanted to approach you, but I just couldn't open that door. I thought there'd be more time. I wanted to find a safe place for you and the baby, and I'd work on us. I thought we could fix it. Then I didn't know how. It seemed like it was easier to stay mad at each other than to make a move. I would watch you. When you weren't looking, I would be looking at you. I miss seeing your smile. I miss being with you. When you switched cells and you were on the other side of the wall I wanted to make things right. I knew you needed me, but I needed you more. I'm sorry. So many times I wanted to go into your cell, but I was afraid you'd push me away, and tell me that that our marriage would be over. I don't want it to be over. I know I've been a shit husband. Abe is a nice guy, and if you want to move on with him, I'll understand. It will kill me, but I'll understand. I don't know what more to say. It will take time, and I'm willing to wait for however long it is, but please forgive me. I want you back. I'll do whatever it takes. Please, please, forgive me for the way I treated you. You deserve so much better than the monster I've become. I never stopped loving you. I still love you. Please forgive me."
Lori, who didn't take a bite of her food, had set the bowl on the ground while he was talking, she was wiping tears away from her eyes, and Rick had tears spilling out of his.
"Rick. I don't hate you. I was mad and hurt. But I don't hate you. I still love you too. Why would you think I'm moving on with Abe?"
"I saw you two this morning. I wanted to make sure you were safe out there, and I saw him come up to you."
"No...it's not like that. Abe has told me that he keeps talking to you to do something. He's a friend and has been my shoulder to cry on. That's it."
"I'm sorry, baby." He was on the verge of ugly sobs, and Lori reached over and held his hands. "I never stopped loving you, and the thought of you moving on would mean that we'd be over. And I don't want that. I hate myself for every second I ignored you. There's not enough time in the world for me to say how sorry I am. You were everything to me. You still are. You were my rock during the bad times, and the only one I wanted to come home to. You made me so happy, and I treated you like shit. I guess the old saying is true, that you don't know what you have until it's gone. I'm sorry, Lori. I'm sorry. I'll say that every day for the next thousand years. I hope that someday you forgive me, because I'll never forgive myself. I'm an asshole. I'm a shit husband. But I still want to be your husband. I'll do whatever it takes. If you take me back I'll do everything I can to make it right."
"The first night we got here...when you told me to go to Hershel. That's the first time in our marriage that I was scared of you. I really thought you were going to punch me. The look on your face... and I was hurt that I felt like a nobody. The last time you touched me was when you thanked me for saving Hershel. I was so hurt. We were so physical and always touchy with each other. You never felt the baby move. Our hands touching right now is the first time...two years I think. I was scared, and mad. But I don't hate you. I love you."
Rick tightened his grasp. "Baby, I would never hit you. I'd take a bullet for you. I'm sorry...I remember that night. I have no excuse but to say I'm sorry. But I did feel the baby move. I would come into your cell almost every night. You would be sound asleep, and I'd make sure you had a blanket on you. You always stole the blankets" he said with a chuckle "I wanted to make sure you were okay. I would put my hand on your belly. I felt the baby move. I'd kiss you on the cheek or the forehead, then leave. After everything happened I held you hand and begged for you to wake up. Just like you did for me. I was so scared I'd lose you. But I couldn't look you in the face. All the guilt I felt, I didn't know how to start. It was like there was this wall, and I couldn't get past it. I miss you. I miss us. I miss waking up with you in my arms. Last night I wanted for nothing more than to just fall asleep with you in my arms, just like we used to. I need someone to hold me together, because I swear I'm falling apart."
Lori was crying, and had to take a moment before she continued. "That night. By the road. I was scared that you were becoming as ruthless as Shane. That's why I backed away. I was scared. Please know that I was afraid of Shane. What happened was a one-time thing. It was after they bombed the city, and I was crying. I made a mistake. I got my period the next day. Then two weeks late you come back. We went at it like dogs in heat. Our first night at the CDC. After our shower, I went into the game room. Shane came in and was drunk. He was mad at me. Mad that I was with you. He was drunk. He pushed me against the pinball machine and tried to rape me. That's how I got the bruise on my back, and that's how he got the scratches on his neck. He tried to, but he didn't. I know you were wondering, and doubting, but that was your baby. One hundred percent your flesh and blood."
Rick dropped his head down and squeezed Lori's hand. That's when the deep sobs came. Lori stood up, and pulled Rick to stand. That's when they hugged tightly, each letting out years of emotions onto each other's shoulders.
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The Lies we Tell Ourselves