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Darkest Nights	By : Bucken-Berry Category: G through L > Law & Order Views: 1449 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own SVU or it's characters and I'm not making money from this.

Chapter List
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Elliot's heart threatened to beat out of his chest as he ran towards the cabin, gun drawn. They'd finally found the place where George was being held- now Elliot could save him.
He felt a wave of nausea overcome him at the sounds he heard. Someone was raping George, and enjoying it- the man was groaning delightedly. The others were laughing at George's agonized moans, wails, and whimpers.
Elliot swallowed hard and hurried, but he couldn't move fast enough.
"Tell us-" One of the attackers began.
"I deserve what you're doing to me. I'm arrogant, pathetic, and worthless. I'm a terrible person; I deserve this," George interrupted immediately. His voice was so hollow, emotionless except for pain and depression. But even worse was that he sounded like he truly believed it. God, what had they done to him? This was much worse than what they had done to the previous victims.
"You'll be punished for that! How dare you interrupt us?" One of the attackers spat.
"AHHHHHH!" George's agonized, terrified, strangled scream, and the silence that followed immediately after, caused cold panic to grip Elliot's stomach like an iron fist.
"NYPD! Don't move!" Elliot yelled as he finally reached the door. The perpetrators held their arms up in surrender. Elliot looked down and gasped in shock at the sight that greeted him.
They'd stabbed George right through the center of his chest- which wasn't rising and falling anymore. George wasn't breathing… And his eyes were dilated, half-open and unseeing…
"No…" Elliot whispered desperately. He was too late. They'd killed George, and George had been alone and in so much pain… he would never even know that Elliot had come to save him. He'd probably died thinking that they'd given up on him.
Elliot had failed him. He hadn't been able to help him, and now George had been killed…
Olivia, Fin, Munch, and Captain Cragen arrived a minute later, and they immediately handcuffed the perpetrators, leaving Elliot alone.
Elliot stayed frozen in shock. Then his body started working again, and he walked slowly towards George's limp form.
He took his coat off and covered George's lower body with it, then picked him up and cradled George to his chest. "No, not him!" Elliot sobbed helplessly. He'd failed George so badly… "George, I'm so sorry!"
"George! No, not him!" Elliot shouted as he awoke. He panted for breath, struggling to calm down. George jolted awake with a gasp and looked over at Elliot. George wrapped his arms around him tightly- clearly George had also had a nightmare.
"Are you okay?" George asked softly.
"Yeah. I just had a nightmare. Are you okay?" Elliot replied, returning the embrace shakily.
"Yeah. What was your nightmare about?" George asked. It went without saying that George's nightmare was about being back with his captors, so he didn't tell Elliot first.
Elliot hesitated; he didn't want to scare George. Finally he admitted, "I saw you there. But I couldn't save you in time."
"Oh," George said quietly. An odd expression appeared on his face as he said, "That must have been… upsetting."
"It really was. I hate the thought of you being in pain, let alone killed… I love you," Elliot said softly, kissing George's forehead.
"You too," George replied.
After a moment, he glanced at the clock. "You have to leave for work soon," George noted.
Elliot gave a sigh. "I don't want to leave you alone here, but I have to get to the precinct."
"I know you can't just take off work forever. I'm okay physically; I'll be fine," George said reassuringly.
"I know you will be; I just worry about you anyway," Elliot said. It was the truth; he was terrified at the idea of George having another flashback and not having him to help him out of it. Or what if George couldn't cope without Elliot to confide in, and he got drunk again? Elliot didn't want to say either of those concerns to George, but he just didn't feel safe leaving George alone anymore
"I worry about you, too," George admitted.
"Me? Why are you worried about me?" Elliot asked confusedly.
"You haven't gotten to vent your anger yet," George said worriedly. "I know that you're angry at them, and you can't just bottle it up." He paused, knowing there was something else he was worried about with Elliot, but also knowing he couldn't say it out loud.
Elliot knew that George was right about his anger management problems, but he didn't feel comfortable talking about them. George's situation was so much worse; Elliot should be able to deal with this one his own. "I know. Anyway, I'm going to get breakfast started, okay?"
George set a hand on his shoulder. "Um, actually… if you'd like, I could do that, while you get ready," he offered, almost shyly.
Elliot gave a small grin. "Can you cook?"
"I think so," George replied. He didn't smile, but he did turn his lips slightly upwards.
"Alright. Thanks, doc," Elliot said. He kissed George softly before walking to take a shower.
After spending a while relaxing under the hot water, Elliot stepped out and got dressed. He came out to find George cooking some eggs, and he smiled at the sight. He stood behind George, wrapping his arms around his waist.
George jumped and let out a terrified shout, almost knocking the pan over as his arm jerked. "Don't scare me like that, Elliot!" George cried. He pressed a hand to his chest and took several deep breaths. "I can't breathe… it's another panic attack," he said, closing his eyes. His hands trembled violently.
Elliot stepped forward and wrapped his arms around him. He made sure his arms were loose, to avoid making George feel crowded and overwhelmed. He rubbed George's back slowly and murmured soothingly in his ear.
George gradually calmed down, breathing more evenly and relaxed. Elliot continued to calm him down, knowing, after weeks of experience, what worked best.
After a few minutes, George sighed and broke away. "I have panic attacks so easily now… The first few times, it took a lot more than you sneaking up on me to trigger one."
The words made Elliot feel terrible, even though George clearly wasn't mad at him. "I'm so sorry about that!" he exclaimed, rubbing his forehead to vent his frustration. "I work with victims all day; you'd think I'd know better than to touch you without warning you first! Are you okay now, though?"
George nodded and looked downwards, a blush appearing on his face. "Yeah. The panicky feeling went away quicker than usual… I'm really embarrassed now, though."
"Don't be," Elliot said automatically.
"I know, I know," George sighed. "I just can't help it."
Elliot gently pushed at George's shoulder. "I'll finish cooking this. You sit down," he offered, wanting to make his mistake up to George.
"I'll just stand with you, if that's okay," George said, hesitantly.
Elliot frowned confusedly at George's hesitation. "Why wouldn't it be okay?" he asked.
George opened his mouth, but then he concluded that any explanation he gave would be too long and exhausting. He didn't want to explain his new fear that Elliot would lash out at him, like his attackers had, if he didn't do everything Elliot said. He knew it was completely irrational, and it irritated him enough without Elliot trying to reassure him. "No reason…" he muttered.
Elliot sighed, but decided to let the subject drop. He prodded the eggs with the spatula, and, noting that they were thoroughly cooked, grabbed the plates and forks. He handed George a set as he prepared his own plate.
George tried to take a small portion, not having any appetite at all, but Elliot shook his head and filled the plate more. "You need to eat more than that. You're still underweight," he said, looking George over. Before he could stop himself, he added, "Exactly how long did they go without letting you eat?"
George winced slightly, but he closed his eyes and took several deep breaths as he answered. "I know it wasn't too often- but I really didn't think about it until it got overwhelming, because everything else was so painful. That's why I was surprised in the hospital- I knew they were starving me, but I didn't really register the implications. Anyway… I was only allowed to eat when I was about to faint, and even then, I had to tell them that I didn't deserve food, and they always attacked me afterwards to punish me for taking things I didn't deserve."
George swallowed hard, trying not to let the memories overwhelm him. "All in all, I was allowed water 15 times, and I ate…" He paused, searching his memory for each time he had eaten. It was easy to remember, because it had been such a rare occurrence. "I ate six times. I think they might have given me more food if I had agreed with them more, but I went between thinking they were right and thinking they weren't-"
Elliot cut him off, fury welling up in his body as George's words registered with him. "They made you wait until you were about to pass out and you told them you didn't deserve food? And they attacked you after you ate?" It shouldn't have surprised him, after everything he'd heard, but it did. Every time he turned around, he found out about something else that absolutely sickened him.
George flinched in reaction to Elliot's rage, but then he nodded. "Yes."
"You said they let you eat six times. They had you for a month. So that's once every five days…. Those fucking…" Elliot snarled, clenching his hands into fists. "Those goddamned bastards are going to-"
He stopped himself, taking several deep breaths. Blind rage wouldn't accomplish anything other than upsetting George. "George, that's so wrong…" he said, sadness and protective anger entering his voice in equal amounts
George didn't reply. He looked uncomfortable and he started idly turning his fork over his plate, to occupy himself. He hadn't taken a bite if his food yet.
"Let's talk about this later," Elliot said. He didn't want to upset George and make him nauseated.
"I'm not hungry," George muttered. "I'm sorry."
"WHY are you apologizing?" Elliot demanded. He noted the way George tensed at his raised voice. He took a minute to calm himself down. "George, it's alright. Relax, okay? If you aren't hungry now, fine- but promise me you'll eat later. At this rate, you're going to lose all the weight you've gained since you've been back. You've only eaten a little the last few days.
"Because constantly reliving what happened when I was tortured makes me more than a little nauseated," George said defensively.
"George, I'm not mad at you. You don't need to defend yourself... What's going on?" Elliot asked worriedly. "You're even more on edge than usual. Was it the panic attack?" Elliot looked George over carefully as he spoke, hoping to see the answer in George's body language. But he didn't look like he was still panicky; he just looked upset.
"No, I just... it's nothing," George said.
Elliot sighed and squeezed George's hand reassuringly. George tensed for a moment before squeezing back, confusing Elliot further. George had never flinched at his movements before unless they were sudden or fast, and this was neither. "George, you know I love you, right? And you know that you have no reason to be afraid here? I mean, I know you startle easily, but you shouldn't be truly afraid."
George nodded and then sighed, standing up. "Of course I do… like you said, I'm feeling edgy. And I love you too; I just- I- Oh, never mind." George sighed again. "I love you." He turned and made to walk out of the room.
"George, wait!" Elliot exclaimed. He stood up and walked towards George. "George, please. I have time to listen. Can you tell me what's wrong?" His concern was clear in his eyes. He knew that something was wrong; he just didn't know what.
"I don't even know what's wrong," George said. He was lying- he knew exactly what was wrong. But he couldn't tell Elliot.
"Was it when I reminded you of what happened?" Elliot asked sadly.
"No. It wasn't, Elliot. It was my nightmare," George said, still lying. He felt guilty about it, but Elliot would understand later.
"Oh. Well, let's talk about it when I get home, okay?" Elliot offered.
"Alright. See you," George replied. He leaned forward and embraced Elliot.
Elliot couldn't stop himself from thinking that something was wrong. Something about George's body language and his speech, and the way George was embracing him, was off. He couldn't label precisely what it was, but something was definitely amiss. "George, are you absolutely sure you're okay?" Elliot asked worriedly. "Please, just tell me if you're not."
"I'm sure; I'm just tired. I'm going to sleep, in a few minutes," George said softly, choosing his words carefully. The last two statements were the truth- but not in the way he was implying. He took a sharp breath.
"Well… okay. But call me if you need me, okay?" Elliot requested.
"Okay, I will. Love you," George murmured.
"I love you too. See you soon," Elliot said softly. He kissed the top of George's head and sighed softly before pulling away and walking out the door.
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Darkest Nights