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Safe Haven in the Chaos	By : IdrilsSecret Category: S through Z > The Walking Dead Views: 6520 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the walking dead or any of the characters. No money is being made from the writing of these stories

Chapter List
- 42
- 43
- 44
Chapter 43 You Can’t Go Home Again

Daryl had finally slept, but he woke with an aching body and a shattered soul. He forced himself to sit up, back against the wall in his usual spot in the corner. The light that came in under the door was bright. Before it had been muted because only half the lights in the hall were on. Bright light meant that it was another day, and the workers were going about their business.

The swelling in his lip had gone down, but they were still cracked and raw. His eyes weren’t as puffy, but it felt like his eye sockets were cracked. He reached for a water bottle and let the water drip into his mouth, wincing every time he moved his lips. Wounds that were beginning to seal opened again. It wasn’t the first time he’d been beat like that. His father had done a number on him once or twice, and he knew it would eventually feel better. Unfortunately, there were other parts of his body that hurt, and they were reminders of what happened to him recently. He realized that the pain meant he was alive. It wasn’t a dream and he wasn’t dead. He was still in the cell. He’d been raped … again, this time by a stranger, but it hurt no less. Daryl wondered what Negan did to Brady, but he didn’t think about it for too long. He tried to think of home, but that made him feel worse. He was responsible for Glenn’s death. That was something he managed to always push away. It was easy to say that it was Negan who did the deed, and forget that it was Daryl’s attempt to hit Negan that made the man lash out and kill his friend. He switched his thoughts to Aaron, but that was most painful. Daryl had said so many hurtful things.

He could end it all. It wouldn’t take much to get Negan to use Lucille on him. He’d been warned a couple times now, and he didn’t think Negan would give him a third chance. The man just didn’t seem like the kind to not act on his threats. Why was he keeping Daryl alive? He’d been tortured, starved and raped. It wouldn’t take much, he said to himself, and Negan would end it all. At one time, he wanted to go home. He wanted to see Aaron again, to see his friends. Now, he didn’t think he could face anyone. He had failed as a friend, as a lover, as a human. He had been stubborn, just like always, and it came back to kick his ass.

The door unlocked and opened and Dwight came in. He looked at Daryl before he spoke. “Sorry, man,” he said. “I … I hope you’re not–”

“Fuck you,” Daryl said with little effort, as though it was an afterthought.

Dwight didn’t say anything more about it. “Get up.”

Daryl struggled to his feet and glared at Dwight.

Dwight gestured to the door. “Go.”

Daryl walked past Dwight, and was caught by the neck of his shirt, led down the hall and around the corner. He recognized this part of the facility. Near the end of this section was where that efficiency apartment was. That was exactly where Dwight led him. Negan was inside, sitting in the chair with his feet up. When Dwight and Daryl walked into the room, Negan stood and smiled. He had his bat. He was never without Lucille. Daryl stared straight ahead as Negan approached, settling in front of him. The man was thin but tall, taller than Daryl by about a head.

“Let me start by saying that what happened last night was unacceptable, and Brady has been dealt with. You don’t have to worry about him again.” Negan paused to see what Daryl’s reaction would be, but Daryl had none. Negan shrugged and continued. “Now, let me explain the way things work around here. Everyone earns their keep, from the youngest to the oldest, except for babies. I mean, what the fuck can a baby do, right?” Negan smiled and laughed at his own joke. He was the only one. “There are different ways to earn your keep, and a lot of that depends on how useful you are to me. Some people simply work for points. It can work as long as you don’t get behind. Everything cost points. Points add up. Once you get behind in points, you keep going in a downward spiral until you’re so far in debt you can’t get yourself out of it. If you stay on top of it, and only take what is necessary, you won’t have a problem. For those who go into deep debt, they end up on perimeter duty. Dwight here showed you a glimpse of that. You saw all those corpses outside, no doubt. Those guys you saw, dressed like you, putting uglies on the fence, they’re examples of what happens when you get behind. They’re earning their points back slowly.”

Negan glanced at Dwight and ordered him to get Daryl a glass of water. Dwight obeyed, getting a glass out of the cabinet, filling it at the sink, and then handing it to Daryl. Daryl held the glass, but he didn’t drink. He was beginning to figure Negan out. Water probably cost points. If he downed the water, it would show Negan that he might not have self-control.

“Dwight, here, used to work for points. He came here with his wife, Sherry and her sister, but sissy needed medicine, and that costs a lot of points. Dwight got behind and couldn’t catch up, but I liked Dwight. I saw his potential, so I made him a deal. I’d marry sissy and take care of her. Sissy didn’t much like that idea. Next thing I know, Dwight stole the medicine and took off with Sherry and my soon to be bride.” Negan paused to glare at Dwight. Dwight looked away. “He smartened up and came back, but the rules had been broken, AND I find out that my bride is dead.” Negan paused, and as though Daryl responded to this devastating news, he said, “I know, right? That fucking sucked because sissy was fucking hot. Anyway, this left me with only one choice … to kill Dwight. And then I got Sherry coming to me, begging me not to kill him.” Negan smiled and leaned in toward Daryl’s ear. “She said she’d marry me if I let Dwight live.” He laughed. “And you saw Sherry. She’s just as hot as her sister was. I can’t turn down that kind of shit, and like I said, I liked Dwight, so I took the deal. However, there was still a debt to be paid and poor Dwight faced the iron.” Negan laughed and rubbed the side of his face. “Get it? Faced … the iron?”

Daryl stared straight ahead, but now he knew what happened to the side of Dwight’s face. When he’d met him in the woods he didn’t have the distorted, horrific looking skin. Now it all made sense.

Negan looked back and forth between Dwight and Daryl, still chuckling at his joke, but when no one shared his humor, he shook his head. “Tough crowd.” He turned and walked a few steps away, swinging Lucille at his side. “Well, I’m glad I didn’t kill Dwight because he’s one of my top guys. He works hard for me, and I like that. I like his wife too. I mean, my wife.” Negan stopped and turned to glance over his shoulder at Dwight again. Then he turned to Daryl. “You see, there are a select number of people here at the Sanctuary that work directly for me. They are my muscle. They ARE me. And they live like kings. You, Daryl, have what it takes to be one of my lead guys. You could have this very room that we’re standing in. It’s all yours, but you just have to do one thing for me.” Negan closed in on Daryl and got in his face. “I think you know what that is.” He brought Lucille up to his shoulder, making her visible. “Who are you?” he whispered to Daryl.

This was what Daryl was waiting for. This was his way out of the situation. As he laid on the cold floor of his dirty cell, he thought to defy Negan and let him bash his head in. It would be over. No more suffering. No more feeling like a failure. No more Alexandria or its people. Carol, Rick, Caleb, Maggie, and all those who he knew cared about him, they wouldn’t have to worry about facing Daryl after all the mistakes he’d made. But it was the thought of Aaron that sparked a light anew within his heart. They would never have another moment together, never hear him laugh, see him smile. Daryl would never get the chance to tell him and show him how sorry he was, how wrong he was. It suddenly wasn’t enough to mouth those words across a forest while surrounded by the enemy. He wanted to look deep into his eyes and tell him in person. To stay alive now would mean to give in to Negan, and Daryl couldn’t do that either. He would be going back on a promise he made to Aaron, to always fight until he had not one more breath in his lungs. To defy Negan was to fight.

“I’ll ask you one more time,” Negan said. Now he was directly in front of Daryl, face to face. “Who … are … you?”

Daryl prepared for what might happen. This could very well be his end, but he wouldn’t die because he gave up. If he died right now, it would be because he would never give up. He rolled his eyes up to meet Negan’s. “Daryl,” he answered, solid, definite.

Dwight took a step towards Daryl. “Man, you’re gonna–”

“Hold on there D,” Negan said to stop him. “He made his choice. Not my fault it was a dumbass choice. I guess we’re done here. Take him back.”

Dwight pushed Daryl down the hall, making him stumble along the way. He shoved him inside the cell once they reached the open door. Daryl fell to the floor and crawled his way into the corner. Dwight stepped out of the room and came right back in with something in his hand, another dogfood sandwich.

“Negan wants you to eat. Says you’re going to need your strength.” Dwight held the sandwich out, but Daryl wouldn’t take it. Dwight dropped in on the floor instead. Daryl wouldn’t move from his corner, or look at Dwight. Dwight seemed angry at him, as though he was hoping Daryl wouldn’t fall for the trick, escape from the cell and get caught in the yard. He wondered if it was Dwight that sent Sherry to warn him not to go. Was it possible that Dwight was feeling a little guilty? After all, Daryl had tried to help him in the burnt woods. He fought with him as he tried to run from the Saviors. In the end, Dwight knew he couldn’t get away, so he took advantage of Daryl’s kindness and left him with nothing. When they met again, it had been Dwight who killed Denise, killed her with his own crossbow. The arrow should have been for Daryl, and he knew that now, but Dwight didn’t take that shot. He could have. It was an ambush. Daryl was out in the open. Dwight had a third opportunity to kill Daryl, when he captured him along with Rosita, Michonne and Glenn. Instead, he shot Daryl in the shoulder, incapacitating him because Dwight knew Daryl would fight back. Injured as he was, there wasn’t much chance of him acting out and getting himself killed by Negan. As much as he hated Dwight, there was always an underlying tone of remorse, as though he hadn’t been able to pay Daryl back for the help he supplied in the burnt out forest. If he really wanted to pay Daryl back, he could do it by helping him out of this place, but just like everyone else, Dwight was scared. Right now he was angry.

Dwight sighed and stared down at Daryl. “You got your friend killed. I got Tina killed. Let’s not pretend like we don’t know the score. I’d say we’re even about now.”

Guess I was wrong about him, Daryl thought, but didn’t say it aloud. The score wasn’t even, not by a long shot. Daryl had lost a lot more people than Dwight, all because of Dwight too. Daryl picked up the sandwich and threw it at Dwight. Dwight flinched just in time.

“Negan’s giving you a chance or you’d be dead right now,” Dwight yelled with anger. “It’s pretty easy. Just answer his fucking question and you’re out of here. What’s done is done. It’s time that you realized that,” Dwight said.

“I know why you’re pissed at me. It’s because you wanted to defy Negan. You wanted to do what I just did, but you’re too chicken shit to do it. Instead of fighting, you ran back here like a little bitch and suffered the consequences.” Daryl spoke in a quiet and calm tone, further infuriating Dwight.

“You should be dead, but for some reason, Negan’s taken a shine to you. Don’t you see that? You’re already further along than most who come through here. The choice is simple, Daryl. You’re either in that comfy room or you’re hanging on the fence.” Dwight glared at Daryl, and shook his head in frustration.

“I get it,” Daryl said softly. “I get why you took my shit. I get why you came back, and why you bow down to Negan. You did it because you were thinking of someone else. That’s why I can’t.”

Dwight huffed and shook his head. For a moment he looked like he was considering whether or not to continue with his next move. Daryl had gotten to him, he could tell, but Dwight was a tough motherfucker. He took something out of his pocket, reached across Daryl, and taped it to the wall. “Maybe this will help you decide if it’s worth it to go home now. Just remember, we don’t hold things against you here. We don’t judge. Can you say the same about your home and your people?” Dwight left the room, and the music returned, but a new song was playing, a sad song.

Daryl glanced at the picture, but it was too dark to see it. He yanked it off the wall and laid it on the floor in the light that spilled in from underneath. It was a gruesome scene, blood, flesh and bone, unrecognizable except for his shirt. It was Glenn.

Daryl could feel the disgust eating away at his heart. If only he had contained his anger, Glenn would still be alive. That thought brought on a memory of a conversation he had with Glenn, just before Dwight captured all of them. Daryl was heading out to find Dwight and seek revenge for Denise’s death. Glenn was trying to stop him. He had said that Daryl’s callous decision and one track mind was going to get him killed. He was right, except that it wasn’t Daryl who died.

Daryl dropped the picture, and felt the tears welling up. “This was my fault.” Maybe he deserved everything that happened to him. He was a worthless shit, only good enough to be used as a piece of ass. Why would anyone want to associate with him now? Even Aaron couldn’t possibly want him back damaged and feeling sorry for himself. Was this all he was good for now? Perhaps he should listen to Dwight and take a chance here. Negan would have killed him by now, that’s for sure, but he was still here. What did it matter now? It wasn’t a lie when he told Dwight he was being defiant because he was thinking of someone else. He was thinking of Maggie and how he wouldn’t be able to face her disappointment in him. He was the reason her child wouldn’t have a father. Daryl was thinking of Aaron, and how he could ever face him again, knowing he let another man have his way. Daryl had given up at that point. If he really cared, he would have fought harder. He should have killed Brady. He should have begged Joey harder, but he had given up. “I broke my promise to you,” he said to Aaron’s memory. “I didn’t try, and that’s all you ever wanted me to do.” No one would want him now. Even he couldn’t stand himself anymore.

>>------->

The next day, Dwight came into the room. Daryl was face down on the floor, the uneaten sandwich still in the same place where it landed after throwing it, Glenn’s picture still laying in the filtering light from under the door. There was a pool of vomit near Daryl’s head, just liquid stomach bile. The room smelled of it.

“Time to get up,” Dwight said, but Daryl didn’t move. “Come on. It’s time to go on a little road trip.”

Dwight had to practically haul Daryl up on his own. Daryl was dead weight and not doing anything to help himself up. Dwight worked in silence, but he called in another man to help him since Daryl wasn’t cooperating. They pulled Daryl from his cell and directed him down the hall. They opened a door that led to the outside, and walked along a breezeway that overlooked the perimeter fence. Daryl noticed a few fresh corpses, and one in particular. There was no mistaking the gruff beard, and dark hair sleeked back into a ponytail. He was chained to the fence, blood staining the side of his shirt and the front of his pants. Daryl stared at him, and noticed that his pants were unzipped. The extreme amount of blood in the area suggested that his prick had been cut off. Daryl hadn’t any doubt that this was done while the man was still alive. Eventually he must have been stabbed in the side and put out of his misery. He was still working for Negan, but now he was a chained walker, protecting the outer perimeter of the Sanctuary.

“It was pretty nasty what Negan did to him,” Dwight explained. “Forced Brady to take his dick out in front of everyone. He teased it with Lucille until Brady couldn’t take the wire cutting him anymore. Then, Negan pulled out a machete and … WACK. From a rooster to a hen in two seconds flat. I ain’t never heard a man scream like that. Made my own balls shrink up and disappear like a turtle hiding in its shell.”

Daryl was glad he was dead, but he wished he had been the one to do it. He felt cheated, just as he had when Jay ran away after assaulting him, afraid of what Daryl’s father would do to him if he found out about the attack. He watched Brady’s corpse as it clawed at the fence. The dead white eyes looked back at him and Daryl was back in the cell with the man pounding roughly into him, making him whisper Aaron’s name. Until that moment, Daryl had been able to separate his stable life in Alexandria from the thugs who took him. Brady had brought Alexandria to the cell. He had brought Aaron into his thoughts, and now he was having a difficult time dividing the two, the good and the bad. Maybe that would all change if he ever saw Aaron again.

“Alright, let’s not dilly dally,” Dwight said as he tugged on Daryl’s arm.

“Where are we going?” Daryl asked.

“We’re taking you home.”

Daryl stared at Dwight, hope returning to his eyes. “Home?” Daryl asked, wanting Dwight to tell him his time here was over.

Dwight smiled. “Yeah. Home.” His smile turned to a frown. “Oh, but not … Did you think … Sorry, that was misleading. We’re going to Alexandria. Negan wants to check in on Rick and your people. You’re coming along just in case Negan isn’t happy with the load, or if Rick decides to try something. There are a few rules you need to follow, so listen carefully. When we get there, you’re not to say a fucking word. You do exactly what Negan tells you to do. Your people try to get you away from us, you’re dead. Your boyfriend tries anything, you’re dead. You try to escape, you’re boyfriend’s dead. I think you see how this is going to work. You do what you’re told. It’s that simple.” Dwight glanced past Daryl’s shoulder and gave someone a nod. Someone came up from behind and covered Daryl’s head with a black cloth bag. He was led to a truck and forced into the back. He felt a wooden bench beneath him when he sat down. The truck was open. It wasn’t the box van that originally brought him here. He could tell that Dwight sat next to him because he recognized the grip on his arm. Several engines cranked up, more vans. They were going to Alexandria to collect on their deal to take half of their stuff. Daryl remembered Negan telling Rick that he would give him a week. It hadn’t been that long yet. Was Negan setting Alexandria up for failure by arriving early? Would he use this as his reason to kill Daryl in front of everyone? Daryl’s mind constantly went back and forth on whether or not he wanted to die, but he knew he didn’t want his friends and the ones he loved to watch it, not in the way he had to watch Abraham and Glenn die. He would have to swallow his stubbornness and follow the rules, and hope Rick would do the same.

>>------->

He couldn’t see, but Daryl could tell it was a long way from the Sanctuary to Alexandria. He tried to remember how long it took to get to Hilltop, and started trying to figure out distances in his head. If only he could see, but the bag over his head kept him in complete darkness. He tried to keep track of turns and direction, but Daryl wasn’t well enough to count. His mind wandered too easily. He thought about seeing Aaron. He thought about Maggie’s reaction, or Rick, or Sasha, or any of them for that matter. He was afraid to see their faces, their disappointment or pity. Maybe they wouldn’t look at him, disgusted by what he’d been responsible for. Maybe they blamed him. He could take it if they judged him in that way, but if Aaron looked at him with blame, or if he couldn’t look at him at all, Daryl’s world would be completely destroyed. Negan might as well kill him at that point, because he wouldn’t want to live any longer.

The truck came to a stop along with all the other vehicles. Daryl was yanked out of the back of the truck. He still wore the dirty jumpsuit with the red letter A. He was still barefoot, and his face was still swollen and bruised from the beating he received. He still smelled of Brady’s stench, and of vomit and dogfood, all the things that had been his world lately. He felt marked, like he no longer belonged in Alexandria. Daryl belonged to Negan now, and that was the point Negan would make today.

The black hood came off, and Daryl shielded his eyes from the sun until they adjusted. Slowly, the front gate came into focus. He could see Negan tapping it with Lucille. The solid part of the gate slid to the side and he could see Spencer talking to Negan before he pulled on the iron bars, sliding the remaining gate out of the way. Daryl glanced around him. There must have been about thirty Saviors standing behind Negan, waiting for their orders. Daryl was among them, and Dwight was right next to him, his keeper, he thought.

Daryl could see Rosita and Eugene. He saw Tobin and a few other Alexandrians walking out to see their guests. Pushing through them and coming out front was Rick. He went straight up to Negan. Negan smiled and they exchanged words. Rick complained that he was early, and that they hadn’t had enough time to gather all of the supplies they needed. Negan let it slide, but he’d get his half one way or another. Rick looked completely off guard. There was fear and hate in his eyes, dancing together, one overpowering the other going back and forth. Rick scanned the group of Saviors outside the gate, and then he connected with Daryl.

Daryl felt his body shake uncontrollably. He blinked and tried not to look at Rick for too long, fearing what he would find. But Rick looked at him like a brother he hadn’t seen in a long time. He started walking towards him. “Daryl,” he called out, but Negan stopped him.

“There will be absolutely not talking or interaction of any kind with the prisoner or I’m going to make you start cutting pieces from him,” Negan warned, and Rick stopped in his tracks.

“What have you done to him?” Rick demanded. He’d seen Daryl’s injuries no doubt.

“Are you going to give me a tour or what?” Negan smiled, ignoring Rick’s question. “After all, I’ve come all this way. It’s only right that you let me in to see what kind of a place you’ve got here, Rick.” Negan made a gesture with his hand, signaling for the rest of his people to come inside. They all advanced together, even Daryl with Dwight as his escort. Negan started barking out orders. “Check all the houses. Half of everything. That’s the deal, Rick. Oh, you thought I just meant food didn’t you? Well, for our initial visit, we like to see what all you have, and by the looks of this place, you’ve got way more shit than you need. I’ll tell you what, we won’t take any of your food. You’re going to need it.” Negan turned to his people. “Everyone knows what to do.”

“Move,” Dwight said to Daryl. “And remember the rules.” They walked into the town, and as they passed Rick, Daryl made sure not to make eye contact. Last time Daryl ignored an order, he got his friend killed. He wasn’t going to make that mistake again. He did, however, allow himself to sweep his sight from side to side as he looked for Aaron. He needed to see him, but he wasn’t among the crowd of Alexandrians. His biggest fear was for Aaron to try to come to him, and fight anyone who got in his way. Daryl knew he could get a message to Aaron with just a look, to warn him not to try anything foolish. Where was he? He didn’t see him anywhere, and his heart beat uncontrollably.

Negan was talking to Rick outside the gates, swinging his bat at a walker and making jokes about it. Rick looked like someone Daryl didn’t know. He’d never seen the man behave in a submissive manor such as this. It made Daryl worry about the future of Alexandria. Maybe Negan was truly their leader now.

“So this is the place you told me about,” Dwight said from beside Daryl. “Back when we met in the woods, and you said you had a place with people and food.”

“This is the place,” Daryl answered quietly.

Dwight glanced around at the houses that lined the road. “It’s nice.”

“It used to be,” Daryl said.

“And it will continue to be as long as Rick keeps doing his part for Negan. That’s how it works now.”

“Yeah, I know how it works,” Daryl said in a low tone. “It’s Negan’s world. He just lets us live in it.”

“Is it really that bad of a life? I mean, look at me. I’ve got power. I’ve got people working under me. If I want something, I just take it, no questions asked,” Dwight said.

“At what price,” Daryl countered. “You don’t have a family. You lost your woman to Negan. What do you have to fight for if you don’t have someone to share the rewards with? So, you got food and shelter, and you can boss people around. I had that too, but I had someone to love also. That’s what’s worth fighting for.”

“Oh yeah? Then where’s your man?” Dwight said angrily. “Don’t think I didn’t notice he’s not here to see you. And if I notice, Negan’s already known it since we walked through the gate.”

Daryl had been wondering that exact thing since he arrived. What if something happened to him? He couldn’t ask anyone because he wasn’t allowed to have words with his people. Daryl hadn’t seen Aaron since that night in the woods. Aaron had been on his knees crying out for the Saviors to not take Daryl. Was he punished for his outburst? Panic set his nerves in action, and he began to shake again. If Aaron was … was dead, and all this time he hadn’t known, then Daryl didn’t want to live any longer.

“Which house is yours?” Dwight asked.

“Down that way,” Daryl nodded with his head. “Third one.”

“Then that’s where we’ll start.” Dwight called out to a couple men near him and they all walked to Daryl and Aaron’s house. There were Saviors all over Alexandria, ransacking houses, walking out with dishes and figurines, furniture, clothes, food, books. Name it, they were taking it.

They entered the house, and Dwight looked in awe. “Wow, this is where you live?” He went to the kitchen turned on the sink faucet. “Shit, you don’t just have running water. You have HOT water.” From the kitchen, he could see into the laundry room. “You got a washer and dryer too. Damn man, you live like some rich asshole. And look at this.” Dwight went to the fridge and pushed on the handle that produced ice. It spilled out onto the floor. “Goddamn, I haven’t had ice water in ages.”

Daryl stood in the foyer, the space between the kitchen and the living room. He watched as the men that came with them started pulling books off of shelves, quickly looking through each one and throwing it on the floor. They were looking for stash of any kind, possibly weapons. Lucky for them, all of Alexandria’s weapons had been checked in at the pantry and were accounted for.

The men picked up the antiques that Aaron had collected over the years, and tossed them onto the floor. They kept a few items to load onto the trucks, but they were doing more damage than anything else.

“That your couch?” Dwight said, coming up from behind Daryl. “Bet you and your man used to sit there and talk, cuddle, and … other things.”

He was getting into Daryl’s head, making him remember the good times with Aaron. Daryl tried not to show any emotion. Dwight gestured to the couch and ordered the men to take it out to the road where one of the trucks would pick it up. They did as they were told while Dwight pulled pots and pans from the cabinets. They were taking practically everything. They cleaned out the office, taking books and chairs. And then Dwight ordered the men to go upstairs. “Come on, Daryl. Show me around.” He pushed Daryl toward the stairs and followed him up.

The first room was the bedroom. Most everything in there came with the house, except for Aaron’s clothes and a few personal items on the dresser. Daryl wished he could bury his face in one of the shirts and remember what Aaron smelled like. It had been too long, and this might be all that was left to remember him by if . . .

“Look at this bed. Is that a king? I think … no … I know that would look good in my room. A four poster bed frame and … is this mahogany?” Dwight tossed himself onto the bed. “It’s pure heaven. I like it. I think I’m keeping this. Boys, take the mattress,” Dwight ordered.

Daryl looked at the bed, remembering all the mornings waking up next to Aaron, and the times when they just laid there and talked and laughed. It had been such a long journey for them both, from the time they met, the trust they’d built between them, their first time making love, the first time Daryl stayed all night, when he moved in. They’d been so happy together. Why did he mistreat Aaron in their last days together? Why did he have to behave like a jealous prick and accuse Aaron of sleeping with Jesus? Why did he have to go and ruin it all? Now Daryl was the ruined one, and Aaron was gone.

Dwight ordered Daryl to carry some things downstairs. They took most of the belongings from the house. The kitchen was emptied. The living room was bare except for the things they dropped on the floor. They even raided the garage, and took all of the tools and bike parts.

“That reminds me,” Dwight said to himself. He took Daryl by the collar of his shirt and led him out of the house. They made their way back toward the gate where everyone was standing in the street and watching a conversation between Negan and Rick. Dwight left Daryl with a group of Saviors and he went off to talk to Rosita. Daryl turned his attention to the crowd and scanned the faces for Aaron. He was nowhere to be seen.

“He’s one of my best runners,” Rick was saying. This caught Daryl’s attention. “But it’s been difficult to find supplies lately. We’ve already cleaned out the nearby places. He probably had to go further out.”

“I’d think he would want to be here, especially since I brought his man for a visit,” Negan said, looking through the crowd and settling his eyes on Daryl.

“You said a week. You’re early,” Rick answered.

“There’s another one not here, the chick with the dreadlocks,” Negan hinted.

“Michonne. She’s with Aaron. They’re both out looking for stuff for you,” Rick told him.

“Well, I guess I can’t be upset about that. It’s good to see you’re making an effort so early in the game. I thought I was going to have to kill someone today. Of course, the day is still early,” Negan smiled. He turned to Daryl. “Shucks, I guess we don’t get a reunion today.”

So, Aaron was out on a run with Michonne. That seemed odd to Daryl. Michonne didn’t normally go on supply runs, and as long as they had lived in Alexandria, she’d never been on one with Aaron. Daryl got a strange feeling in his gut that Rick was lying. It was a dangerous move on his part. Where were Aaron and Michonne then? Daryl didn’t think they were out finding supplies. Something else was in motion, some plan had been drawn up. Aaron wasn’t here. As a matter of fact, he hadn’t been here since they left with Maggie to get her to Hilltop. The night before everything went to hell, Daryl had been with Aaron. It hurt his heart to think about it. They’d had their worst argument ever. Daryl even moved out of the house. His mind was filled with rage and revenge. All he wanted to do was find Dwight and rip his heart out for killing Denise. His anger toward Aaron had been a side effect. He knew he was wrong, but he was too angry to apologize. His anger sparked a strange lust, and he went to Aaron in the middle of the night, laid with him, made him stay silent, and made love to him. As soon as Aaron fell asleep, Daryl left to pack up his belongings, get his bike and head out hunting for Denise’s killer. He remembered seeing Aaron’s heavy jacket flung over a chair in the bedroom. It was still there now, untouched since that night. Aaron left Alexandria in a hurry when Maggie got sick, and he didn’t come back for his jacket. He always wore that jacket when he knew he was going to be gone for a while. If he was really out on a supply run with Michonne, the jacket would be gone. Aaron never came home. So where was he?

A gun fired inside of Rick’s house. The Savior’s people carrying guns all raised theirs in a protective stance. Rick took off for his house, knowing that Carl and Judith were inside. Every instinct made Daryl want to follow. He jerked and took a step, but one of the Saviors next to him slapped a forceful hand on his shoulder, squeezing his injury. “Where do you think you’re going?” the man asked threatening him with narrowed eyes. Daryl didn’t move after that, and tried to ignore the pain the man’s grip was causing his shoulder.

“Daryl! Daryl!” someone was shouting in the distance. He started to look to see who it was, but the man next to him slapped the back of his head, making him look at the ground.

“Get out of here, kid,” the man said. It was Caleb.

“You came for your stuff. You got most of what we have. Let him go,” Caleb complained.

“Mind your own business or I’ll shoot your ass,” the man threatened. He took his gun out of his belt and held it at his side.

“Daryl belongs with us,” Caleb demanded.

All Daryl could do was look at the ground. He wanted to punch his guard and go to Caleb. He wanted to tell Caleb to stop making a scene. These were dangerous people. They didn’t care about age. They would kill a boy just as quickly as a man. If Caleb didn’t stop this, he was going to find himself in serious trouble. He was still antagonizing the guard, and Daryl was about to risk his silence and tell the boy to stop and go home when Father Gabriel took Caleb by the arm and pulled him away.

“Let these men do what needs to be done, Caleb,” Father Gabriel said calm and evenly.

“But we can’t let them–” Caleb started, but he was cut off.

“We have no choice right now. Come on. Let them finish their business here.” Father Gabriel pulled a reluctant Caleb away. Daryl glanced up through his long hair to watch. He was relieved that Father Gabriel was there to stop the boy, and Caleb was lucky that Negan went off with Rick to see about the gunshot.

It was killing Daryl to be this close to home and still be held prisoner. The rebel side of him wanted to get free and start killing each and every one of these motherfuckers until his own life was spent. He knew better than that. If he reacted, his punishment would be watching someone else that he cared for die, and that was a risk he couldn’t take.

Someone whistled, and all of the Saviors waited for instructions. Negan was coming back to the gate, and he looked pissed. “Send the trucks up the streets. I want two groups, one with each truck to start loading anything sitting on the road. I want you and you to head up the groups, make sure nothing gets left behind,” he said pointing to two of his lead guys. “The rest of you, I want eyes on everyone. Anyone steps out of line, shoot them. Rob, get your men and come with me. Bring Daryl with you. And where the fuck is Dwight? Isn’t he supposed to be babysitting this piece of shit?”

“He’s talking to that Latino chick,” Rob said. “She knows where Daryl’s bike is. He sent her and some other guy out to get it and bring it back.”

Negan smiled and looked down at Daryl. “Is that right? I know he’s been wanting to complete the set. He’s already got the vest and the crossbow. Now, if they just find the missing gun, maybe I won’t have to kill anyone, and we can leave on good terms.” Negan turned back to his men. “Move it, people. Let’s start loading those trucks. And don’t forget, the really nice stuff goes in my truck.”

There was a gun missing? Daryl thought about this. How could he know that? It dawned on him that Olivia kept a notebook that listed all of Alexandria’s inventory and supplies, including a list of guns. He wondered how they found out about the book. It didn’t matter much now. So one of the guns on the list was missing. It must not have been the one that just fired. Daryl still wondered what happened, but no one was telling him and no one was talking about it.

Rob pushed him in the back and forced him to start walking toward the pantry. When they got there, Negan was standing with Rick and Olivia. Daryl could only listen.

“So you have a list of all the important shit, a gun is missing from that list, and no one is questioning this?” Negan was saying. “What kind of fucked up system is that, Rick?”

“We have a couple people out scavenging. Maybe one of them took it,” Rick said.

“What kind of a leader doesn’t know where each and every weapon is? I thought you were smarter than that,” Negan provoked Rick. “That’s just as irresponsible as letting the fat woman be in charge of the food supply. Well, I’ll tell you what, Rick. That gun better be here before we leave or,” he paused and looked at Olivia, pointing his finger at her. “Or,” he said and sliced his finger across his neck. “Now, I don’t like to kill women, and I try not to do it, but Lucille, she doesn’t give a fuck about gender. You still got my Lucille, Rick?”

Rick was holding the bat, letting it swing at his side. When they first arrived, Negan gave it to Rick, and made him carry it around with him all day. It was just another one of Negan’s games to get in your head and screw with you.

“Treat her right,” Negan reminded him. He waited for a reaction, but when Rick stayed stone faced Negan rolled his eyes. “Better get looking for that gun before time runs out.”

Rick walked off and started talking to some of the people. Daryl could tell he was calling for a meeting, and he’d put everyone on search duty to find the missing gun so that Olivia wouldn’t be executed. Rick, thought Daryl, was behaving so differently than usual. As a matter of fact, Daryl had never seen him like this. Since the first time he met the sheriff, he took a leadership role. Now, he was submissive, carrying that bloody bat around because Negan told him to. If it had been Daryl, he would have taken that bat to Negan’s head by now. Everyone had been through so much. They were all broken, and under Negan’s command, it looked like they had decided it was best to conform. What hope did Daryl have of ever coming home? No one was going to fight for him, and he couldn’t do it on his own. He felt left behind, forgotten. Without Aaron here, there was no point in hoping he could ever get away from the Saviors. Hope was no longer on the table.

Rob, the man who took over watching Daryl while Dwight was busy with other things, forced Daryl into loading the trucks. Daryl kept his head down and did his duty. He could see some of the Alexandrians from his peripheral vision. They watched him perform his duties without opposition. They had seen Rick submit to Negan. Now they watched as Daryl obeyed orders like a dog on a leash. The disappointment in their eyes was painful. What could he do? Any one of them might be killed if he went against his captors. If only Aaron was here. Just to be able to look into his eyes. He would not look at Daryl like the others were doing. At least he hoped it hadn’t come to that.

Hours passed by slow and torturous. Daryl’s shoulder hurt. His back felt like it was breaking. His bare feet were raw from walking on the asphalt. The trucks were loaded and moving up toward the gate. Negan was still waiting for Rick to deliver the missing gun, and he was standing outside of Olivia’s house, one of his men keeping a gun aimed at her. Rob was leading Daryl back with the rest of the Saviors, readying to leave, but he stopped when he saw Rick approaching with a black cloth bag, which he handed to Negan.

“I see you found it,” Negan smiled. “Well done, Rick.”

“And I have one that wasn’t on the list,” Rick handed him a rifle that Daryl knew belonged to Michonne. “As a sign of good faith,” Rick added.

“I am very pleased. See there? It’s not difficult to accomplish a working relationship between our communities. Keep up the good work.” Negan leaned into Rick’s ear. “A word of advice, though,” he said loud enough for the people around them to hear. “You might want to rethink who you put in charge of the food rations.” He puffed his cheeks as he nodded his head in gesture toward Olivia. She heard what he said, started to cry and ran into the house. Negan watched, shook his head and said, “Je-sus.”

Bastard, Daryl thought.

“Since you were pleased with us,” Rick said as Negan started to walk away, “I’d appreciate it if you let Daryl stay.”

Negan stopped in his tracks and slowly turned on his heel. “Hmm, let me thing about th . . . No.”

“But you said–”

“I know what I said, Rick, but I see great value in Daryl. I think he will make an exceptional addition to my crew … just as soon as he realizes it.” Negan started to walk away again. Daryl saw what he was doing. He was antagonizing Rick, who still held onto the bat. He was daring Rick to take a swing at him. Daryl could see Rick’s fist flexing, and his fingers tightening around the bat, as he thought the same thing. Luckily, Rick was smart enough to know he was being tested, and his hand relaxed.

Negan stopped. “Oh, I almost forgot. How senseless of me.” He took the two steps back to Rick and retrieved Lucille. He brought the bat up to his face and looked at it as though he was staring into the eyes of a beautiful woman. “I’m sorry baby. I won’t let that happen again.” Then he laughed and smiled at his own distorted wit. “Move it out,” he called to his people.

Daryl heard a familiar engine, his bike, and looked over his shoulder to find Dwight riding it up the street to join the convoy. He stopped next to Daryl and smiled arrogantly. “She’s a fine piece of machinery. Feels good between my legs. Can’t wait to open her up on the road.” He waited for Daryl’s reaction, but got none. “You know, Daryl, just say the words, and she’s all yours again. Or should I say he’s all yours. Is it like that with your type?” Dwight said to rouse him, but Daryl remained silent. Dwight shrugged and revved the engine. “Your loss, my gain.”

Rob pushed Daryl forward to make him start walking. “Go on. Back in the truck, asshole.”

Rick stood by and watched the whole thing play out. Daryl saw him switch his balance from one foot to the other, wanting so badly to intervene. He followed them all the way to the gate, and stood just inside. Daryl hopped into the back of an open truck, sat down and looked back at Rick, pleading with his eyes for someone to come and help him get out of his situation. Rick was pacing, but there wasn’t a damn thing he could do. The Saviors took everything except what little food they had. They even took all the mattresses from every house, another way to irritate Alexandria, make them submit, and push the fact that everything they had belonged to Negan. If it was left behind, it was only because Negan didn’t need it right now, but there was always a chance that he would one day, and he’d know where to find it. Daryl realized that he was no more than a piece of furniture, taken from Alexandria to be used at the Sanctuary. The feeling of worthlessness began to settle into his mind. He’d already been used by Brady in a way that made Daryl think it was all he was good for. Brady abused his body, but Negan would abuse his mind if he gave in.

He had a lot to think about. He could make an accord and comply with Negan’s rule, become one of his top guys, as he like to say. Daryl could do this just long enough to find a way out. Dwight had done it, but he fucked up and went back. Daryl would never go back. He’d kill himself first. Where would he go? Could he go back to Alexandria and live with the guilt for getting Glenn killed? Would they want him there knowing that his actions had caused his death?

Worthless, said the voice within him.

Maybe it was too much of a risk to go home. Negan’s people would come looking for him, and Alexandria would be the first place they’d go. This put all of them in trouble, and probably more than a few at the receiving end of Negan’s bat. Daryl knew who his first target would be … Aaron. No, he could never put Aaron at risk like that. Daryl suddenly grasped the vivid reality. If he managed to escape the Saviors, he could never go back to Aaron. If he conformed to Negan, Aaron would be out of his life forever. There was no way to win this one.
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Safe Haven in the Chaos