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Darkest Nights	By : Bucken-Berry Category: G through L > Law & Order Views: 1449 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own SVU or it's characters and I'm not making money from this.

Chapter List
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Elliot stayed deep in thought as he drove towards the 16th precinct. He was worried about George, but he couldn't figure out what was wrong. He finally concluded that George must have just had a worse nightmare than usual. He sighed in frustration. When would George get a break? No one deserved to go through what George had, and then being bombarded with nightmares and flashbacks…
He shook his head sadly, tightening his grip on the steering wheel. He wished he could stay home and help George instead of working; he hated that he had to leave George every day. But he needed to keep a steady income. George's salary as a forensic psychiatrist was large, and he had a lot saved, but they both agreed that it was better not to use it if they could afford not to, in case it took a long time for George to be able to work again. That way, George wouldn't feel quite as guilty about it as he would have otherwise.
He sighed softly, thinking about his family. He hadn't talked to Kathy since a few days since he'd introduced her to George, and he hadn't talked to his kids in a few days. He was struggling to work it out; George still felt too intimidated to have Elliot's kids in the apartment with him, but he didn't do well when Elliot left.
He didn't see his kids nearly as much as he wanted to, but they understood; one advantage of his job and how he and Kathy had raised them was that they understood the unique needs victims had. They were still adjusting to him being with another man, but they were taking it better than Elliot had thought they would.
Elliot parked the car at the 16th precinct. He walked into the building and started to look over the case files. There were quite a few cases, and he was slightly behind on them all.
Olivia walked up to him quickly. "We finally got the guy who committed the rape and murder at Hudson University last month," Olivia said.
Elliot nodded. They had suspected the boyfriend at first, but the DNA hadn't matched. Finally they had traced it to an ex-boyfriend from five years before. "About time we caught him… I assume I'm interrogating him?" Elliot asked.
Olivia nodded. "He's ready when you are."
Elliot walked into the interrogation room and leaned against the wall. He glared at the perpetrator sitting at the table.
Before he could begin, the perpetrator started speaking. "I understand my rights and I waive them. I did it." A gut-twisting grin appeared on his face. "At least I didn't do to her, what those guys on the news did. I just did it quick, but those other guys drew it out with the men they killed. And then the one who survived…" He gave a cruel laugh. "The bitch should consider herself lucky that she isn't as weak as that guy who survived."
Elliot immediately knew who he was referring to. George's case had gotten quite a bit of media coverage, because the circumstances were unusual- a group of men, torturing and raping other men, and all but one had been murdered. Elliot understood why the case would be interesting, but he still hated the fact that others could see George when he was so vulnerable. So while it didn't surprise him that this scumbag knew about it, it did infuriate him and make his blood boil. "What did you say?" Elliot growled, his voice low and laced with agitation.
"Don't ya remember that case from the news? There was that FBI profiler who was tortured." The man gave another sick grin.
Elliot clenched his fists, and he snapped when the man laughed again. This man was actually mocking George, laughing at him, as well as the victim from Hudson… He lunged at the perpetrator, before he even realized that he had stood, and slammed him into a wall. "You think it's funny, that they took the FBI's best profiler and tortured him? Do you really think torturing someone and almost killing them is funny?" he yelled, wrapping his hands around the man's throat. "Do you think it's FUNNY?"
Cragen and Olivia came running into the room. They pulled Elliot away from the man, but Elliot broke away and went back.
"Elliot, stop!" Olivia said, grabbing his shoulder.
"I'm going to show him that attacking someone isn't funny," Elliot snarled. "I'll make him regret joking about it!" He stepped over the man again, who had fallen to the ground. He kicked him, hard, before pulling him up. "Hurting others is funny, right? So why aren't you laughing now?"
He looked into the man's face, but he didn't see the same perpetrator he was interrogating. The man's face morphed, and suddenly, he was looking at Eric Keyes.
His anger intensified into blind, murderous rage. "You bastard, I am going to kill you!" Elliot roared. He squeezed the man's throat as hard as he could.
"Elliot, one more move and IAB will have your badge. Get off him," Cragen said. He pulled at Elliot's arm, but Elliot didn't respond to him. "ELLIOT! GET OFF!" Cragen shouted.
Elliot finally released his grip. "Looks like this is your lucky day, which is a pity for the rest of the world," Elliot hissed. He shoved the perpetrator back against the wall and walked out of the room.
Cragen stopped him just outside of the door. "My office. Now."
Elliot ripped his arm away, glaring at Cragen in disgust, and made to walk in the opposite direction.
"Detective! That's an order!" Cragen snapped.
Elliot spun around to face him. He was shaking with fury. "What, Captain?"
Cragen sighed. "What happened to Huang is really affecting you," he stated.
"And it isn't affecting you?" Elliot asked heatedly.
"It bothers me, Elliot. But do you really think Huang wants you to snap at any suspect that's available?" Cragen asked.
"I think George prefers to be called by his first name," Elliot snapped. "But to answer your question, I don't think he does, but I really don't care anymore. That bastard deserves it for hurting George-" He cut himself off, realizing what he'd said.
Cragen began speaking before he could explain himself. "But he didn't hurt George, Elliot. He said nasty things, but he didn't hurt him," Cragen said.
Elliot took a deep breath, deciding to try and end the conversation. "Well, if that's all you wanted to say, I'm just going to finish some paperwork," he said evasively.
"No you won't," Cragen said, coming to a decision. "I want you evaluated by a department psychiatrist-"
Elliot interrupted him angrily. "I'm not talking to them! Why can't I talk to Hendricks?"
"Because I want you to talk to someone who isn't used to your outbursts," Cragen informed him. "Also, until you talk to one of them and they clear you, you're on leave."
"I wouldn't have lost it if it wasn't for you!" Elliot said angrily.
"How is this my fault, Elliot?" Cragen asked, shaking his head. "How do you figure that?"
"I wouldn't have lost it if you hadn't let George talk to Keyes!" Elliot yelled.
Cragen shook his head again, slowly. "Elliot. For one, that had nothing to do with today. Also, if you're still mad at me for that, you need to just grow up and get over it. It happened. It wasn't enough, but still, we all did everything we could to prevent it. And I'm sorry George was attacked, but letting Keyes talk to him was the only option, and George knew that was true. And if George doesn't resent me for it, I don't see why you should."
"You know why he doesn't resent you, Captain?" Elliot asked, eyes blazing. "He doesn't resent you because he thinks all of it is his fault! He blames HIMSELF for it!"
"Elliot, I'm sorry," Cragen said. "I know that must be rough for you- I don't like the idea of George blaming himself either. But really, George doesn't want you to lose it. Has he had any kind of therapy since this happened?"
"Of course. We both see Rebecca Hendricks once a week. George had been getting better, but…" Elliot trailed off and sighed, shaking his head. "Never mind."
"Elliot, you need to get this all off your chest," Cragen said, gentle and concerned now. "If you don't talk to me, just promise me you'll talk to Rebecca at your next session. And I still want you to talk to one of our psychiatrists."
Elliot nodded, reluctantly giving in. "I will talk to Rebecca, and I'll talk to a department psychiatrist sometime in the future. Captain, I'm sorry that I snapped… I just… well, I snapped. I lost control, and I'm working on it… but I have a lot of baggage."
He gave a smile, devoid of any happiness. "Normally, I would be snapping at George right now, because he's usually the one who would talk to me after something like this. I'd yell at him and be an ass, but he'd be here anyway and he'd always save my ass when I got in trouble. Now he needs me, and I'm trying, but I'm failing miserably."
Elliot wanted to say exactly how close he and George were, but he wasn't ready yet. He inhaled sharply and said, "They totally broke him, captain. And the trial has just made it worse. He's even worse mentally now than he was in the hospital. I'm trying to help him. I'm trying so hard, but I'm not sure if anything or anyone can help him anymore. But… if anyone can, it's me, but I don't think I'm good enough. I've failed him so many times, both before and after this happened…" He trailed off, swallowing painfully against the lump in his throat.
Before Cragen could reply, Elliot walked away as quickly as he could. He retrieved his things, then walked to his car.
He gave a sigh as he glanced at the clock- he'd only been gone an hour and fifteen minutes. By the time he got home, it would only have been an hour and a half.
He reflected on the last few days as he drove. He had known that he was struggling with everything that had happened, but he had truly thought his anger was under control. Even though what the perpetrator had said was horrible, Elliot knew he shouldn't have attacked him. That level of hostility should have been reserved for Keyes and the other men who had attacked George.
And now he had to talk to a department psychiatrist. He had only recently come to trust Hendricks. And now he often confided in George, although it wasn't a psychiatrist-and-patient relationship; their relationship was just the two of them, opening up to each other and helping each other.
He didn't trust any psychiatrists besides those two. It was hard for him to trust, and someone had to truly make him feel safe in order to get him to open up. He didn't want to almost get fired again for voicing his anger management problems. But now he had to talk to a psychiatrist he didn't trust anyway.
He arrived home and gave a small smile as he thought about the fact that now he could spend the day with George, instead of worrying about him from at the 16th precinct. They had an appointment with Rebecca scheduled later, but otherwise, he could spend the rest of the day talking to George. They both needed it, he knew. The nightmares they'd both had, and George's odd behavior earlier in the day…
Elliot opened the door to their apartment and walked in, shrugging his coat off as he entered.
"George?" He called. "I'm home!"
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- 46
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Darkest Nights