Darkest Nights | By : Bucken-Berry Category: G through L > Law & Order Views: 1449 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0 |
Disclaimer: I don't own SVU or it's characters and I'm not making money from this. |
"So, detective, how have the two of you been doing?" Rebecca asked.
"I've been okay, mostly. I lost it with a suspect earlier today, though, and I'm really worried about George," Elliot replied. "How about you tell me some of your concerns about George, and then we'll talk about you for a while," Rebecca suggested. Elliot nodded and began his explanation. "He's gotten a lot worse. He had the worst flashback the other day, when he caught the smell of cigarette smoke, and he hasn't been the same since. I mean, he hasn't been the same since he was taken either, but…" "What happened in his flashback?" Rebecca asked. "They attacked him psychologically. They burned and raped him, then they convinced him he deserved it. And they had him convinced that they were going to kill him at any second… Rebecca, I have never seen so much terror and pain and despair on someone's face before." The desperation and hurt were clear in Elliot's eyes as he spoke. "I understand why he'd be shaken after that. What I don't understand, though," Elliot continued, "Is that ever since then, he's been castigating himself even more than he did before. Before, he blamed himself, but nothing like this. He thought it was his fault, but he didn't think it was his fault exclusively. And he thinks he deserves what happened to him." He sighed. "And- it lasts for just a second each time, but still- he thinks I'm going to hurt him, every time he reacts physically to a flashback or something I say, but he hides it. I just don't get it! I know victims are always hyper-alert, but now he can't seem to get rid of his anxiety. I thought he was getting better! But now the PTSD is even worse, and I don't get why. Right after I got him out of the flashback, he said he didn't think he would ever be able to leave the torture, but I thought… I didn't think he would backslide this much." "Elliot, you know, of course, that flashbacks can be extremely distressing. But sometimes, a flashback of especially traumatic events can cause the victim so much distress, that it has the same psychological implications as having the event occur again would," Rebecca explained. "So what you're saying is, even though he was right next to me physically, mentally, he was tortured again," Elliot said, frowning. "I knew he would be upset about remembering, but… he really feels like he was attacked all over again?" "Essentially, yes- psychologically, it's the same thing. And so, while he did seem to be healing before, now the learned behavior and beliefs, which he had been discarding, have been reinforced again. Even though he knows logically that it's false, it has been drilled into him, subconsciously, that he deserves it, and that he is not to fight back, or he will be killed," Rebecca said. "So now he won't be able to stop thinking that he deserves it and anyone can attack him at any moment?" Elliot asked, dismayed. "No, it's not that serious. He can recover… but I would be lying if I said this was a minor setback. This will take a lot of time to fix, and it will be painful. Today, I'm just going to give him a mental status exam, but after this, the sessions will become extremely difficult," Rebecca warned. "Before, the need to prepare him for the trial was the most important thing, but the trial will be finished by our next session, and then the healing process will start. And like many physical diseases, it will get worse before it gets better." "But none of that is fair! He doesn't deserve what happened to him, and he doesn't deserve to have to think this way. And he deserves to recover easily," Elliot protested. A second later, he sighed and shook his head. "I sound like a kid. Just because something isn't right doesn't mean it won't happen." "It's a natural reaction. Someone you love is going through a lot of pain; of course your initial reaction would be to protest the injustice of it all. Most people would adopt at least one pathological defense mechanism at that point," Rebecca assured him. "Yeah, I guess," Elliot relented. "I just feel so bad for him. And I'm really worried about him." "How so?" Rebecca asked. Elliot folded his hands in his lap. He took a deep breath as he thought about everything that he was concerned about. "He's just been struggling, and I'm worried that he won't be able to handle this for much longer," Elliot began. It was nice, knowing he could say just how worried he was without upsetting George further. It was nice to finally get all of this off his chest. But it didn't fix the fact that George was so vulnerable, so damaged, in the first place. And as long as that was the case, Elliot knew he wasn't going to feel okay. "Elliot?" Rebecca prodded, after a minute of silence passed. "I'm thinking," Elliot muttered. After a long moment, Elliot looked up and shook his head, showing his disgust with the situation. "Some of the things he's been saying… Rebecca, he absolutely despises himself. Before he was taken, he was confident. Not arrogant by any means, but he knew his worth and his strengths. Now he either refuses to acknowledge them, or he insists that they're faults. Some of the best things about himself, he thinks are flaws, and ones that make him deserve what happened to him, at that," Elliot said sadly. "Does he believe the other victims deserve what happened to them?" Rebecca asked. "And what does he think about his attackers?" "He doesn't think the others deserve it; he thinks it's just him. And he thinks his attackers…" Elliot paused, trying to word his thoughts. "He thinks what they did to him was deserved and his fault, but he doesn't like them. But he still shows… not sympathy, but something, towards them. He doesn't want them to get the death penalty, and…" He paused again. "I honestly think that, if his attackers were to be injured or killed, he would feel sorry for them. And not just because he's so compassionate to everyone; it feels almost like he… feels for them? Not quite, but that's the closest word I can come up with. He doesn't like them at all, but on the other hand, he isn't even angry at them, for what they did to him. I think he was angry at one point, but he isn't anymore- and not in a good, he-got-closure sort of way... He only dislikes them for what they did to the other victims." "What does he refer to them as, when he talks about them?" Rebecca asked, looking more intent now. She looked concerned, too, which made Elliot feel more anxious. "He usually says 'my attackers', 'my captors', and so on. Sometimes he calls them by their last names," Elliot replied nervously. "Why do you want to know?" "I wanted to know if Stockholm syndrome might be a concern. He does show some of the signs, but for the most part, he doesn't have any attachment to them. And that's good. It will make it easier to convince him that what happened to him was brutal torture by sick, sadistic men, not a punishment- let alone a deserved one," Rebecca said. She waited for the words to sink in before continuing. "One more question, before we move on to you. I know you have other concerns, but you won't do him any good by spending all your time worrying about him. You have to focus on yourself sooner or later. So, my question is: aside from his misguided belief that he deserves what happened to him, and his flashbacks, what other concerns do you have about him?" "If I list everything, it will take the whole session anyway," Elliot answered, sighing softly. "He has nightmares every night- I can't remember the last time he got a good night's sleep. Except for a few nights ago, but that wasn't sleep- he got drunk in an attempt to cope. But that won't become a chronic problem, because we're not buying any more and we don't go to bars. The problem's over before it started." He looked up at Rebecca expectantly. "Go on," Rebecca said, nodding her head to show that she wasn't going to press the issue. "He not only thinks he deserves what happened to him, and it's his fault they killed the others in the first place, but he also thinks he doesn't deserve to have someone love him. Sometimes he manages to believe otherwise, but that's rare… And he thinks he doesn't deserve to be here, and that the other victims should have survived, not him. He also thinks the families of the other victims wish he had died instead of the others. I've spoken to them; they wish their loved one was alive, of course, but none of them want it at the expense of someone else. They don't wish him dead." He shook his head sadly. "And, the last few days, there have been times where, if he thinks he's done something wrong, he tenses his body like he thinks someone is going to hurt him, but then he stops a second later and is embarrassed about it. There are times when he apologizes for things that aren't his fault. And when I tell him not to, he just says 'okay' like he's just humoring me. He knows it's ridiculous, but he still can't stop those thoughts as often as he should." He looked at his hands, giving a deep sigh. "He has panic attacks, usually right after his flashbacks- he has so many of them, and they can be triggered at the drop of a hat. His startle reflex is ridiculous. He shows all the signs of Rape Trauma Syndrome, and the other psychological problems most torture victims deal with- he's just about a textbook case," he said sadly. "And he's so depressed… He's miserable all day. Even when he's with me, which he says made him happy- and I think it did, before that goddamned flashback- you can just feel the hurt he's been through. He just never seems to feel good sensations. Like, if I rub his back, he doesn't react except for flinching, even though it used to relax him," Elliot said, closing his eyes. "He's been depressed ever since he was found, but it got worse when the trial started, and even worse than that after he had the flashback." "I need to talk to George first, in order to confirm my suspicions, but from what you're telling me, it sounds like he has severe clinical depression and PTSD," Rebecca said. Elliot nodded sadly, and Rebecca said, reassuringly, "Both are treatable; again, it will be a long and difficult process, but he can recover." She paused for a moment and added, "But now that you've told me your concerns, and I know what to expect when I talk to George, I want to talk about your problems controlling your anger. What happened when you lost your temper with the suspect?" Elliot paused; it felt easier to talk about his concerns about George than about himself. If it was up to him, he'd use all his time to make sure George was okay, and he'd ignore his own issues, continuing to internalize them. Then again, he thought with a sigh, that was exactly the problem, exactly what had landed him in his current situation at work. As much as he hated to admit it, Rebecca and George were both right; he needed to start opening up. But that didn't make it any easier to talk about his feelings.While AFF and its agents attempt to remove all illegal works from the site as quickly and thoroughly as possible, there is always the possibility that some submissions may be overlooked or dismissed in error. The AFF system includes a rigorous and complex abuse control system in order to prevent improper use of the AFF service, and we hope that its deployment indicates a good-faith effort to eliminate any illegal material on the site in a fair and unbiased manner. This abuse control system is run in accordance with the strict guidelines specified above.
All works displayed here, whether pictorial or literary, are the property of their owners and not Adult-FanFiction.org. Opinions stated in profiles of users may not reflect the opinions or views of Adult-FanFiction.org or any of its owners, agents, or related entities.
Website Domain ©2002-2017 by Apollo. PHP scripting, CSS style sheets, Database layout & Original artwork ©2005-2017 C. Kennington. Restructured Database & Forum skins ©2007-2017 J. Salva. Images, coding, and any other potentially liftable content may not be used without express written permission from their respective creator(s). Thank you for visiting!
Powered by Fiction Portal 2.0
Modifications © Manta2g, DemonGoddess
Site Owner - Apollo