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Charmed of the Fauxy	By : TRfiction Category: 1 through F > Charmed Views: 3741 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Charmed, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.
Chapter List
- 4
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 Author's note: I just found out that I uploaded an inferior copy of this one. It's fixed now. Sorry about that. 

"Not Another Teen Shit Movie!"


[Scene: Halliwell manor. Evening. The doorbell rings. Prue answers the door.]

Prue: Darryl.

Darryl: Hey, Prue.

Prue: Come in. 

(Phoebe walks up to them)

Phoebe: Right this way, Darryl.

(Cut to the attic. Phoebe, Prue, Piper, and Darryl are there.) 

Prue: Okay, everyone. Welcome to our little meeting.

(Prue stands next to a dry erase board. She starts writing)

"Warlock"
"Muse"
"Lost innocent"   

Piper: And don't forget to add--

Prue: Oh, right.

(Prue writes)

"Leo's mystery bitches"

Darryl: ...? (Whispers to Phoebe) Did I miss something?

Phoebe: Don't worry, honey. Prue will explain.

Prue: Now, first, we have this warlock. The one-- Phoebe, why don't you explain this one?

Phoebe: Kay.

(Phoebe takes over, speaks and writes the following)

Phoebe (Cont'd): According to Cole, this warlock is pretty dangerous because 'supposedly' it taints fates.

Cole: (From downstairs in Phoebe's room) It did!

Phoebe: Did you guys hear something? I sure didn't! (Smiles) He said it tainted ours. Paige was fighting it, but since it seems like she doesn't own a phone, we're going to have to wait on the rest of that. My premoniton showed me what happened, to an extent... There are two things that haven't played out yet, which have me the most worried. One: I saw Paige die fighting the warlock. Two: I saw the same warlock meeting up with a woman. I don't know who she is, but hopefully, you (Points to Darryl) can help with that part.

Darryl: I see...

Phoebe: Piper?

Piper: (Distracted) Hmm?

Phoebe: Why don't you explain the Leo situation?

Piper: (Sighs) Sure, whatever. (She walks over to the board, grabs the marker from Phoebe and writes)

"The mystery bitches must die."

Piper: There.

(She hands the marker over to Prue)

Phoebe: Piper!

Piper: What did I do? 

Prue: It's okay, Phoebe, she doesn't have to discuss the more personal attributes of her story.

Piper: (Gives Prue a look) Uh-huh. Listen to the expert, Phoebe.

Prue: Not funny.

Darryl: Um, right. Well, why don't I just tell you about the murder?

Prue: Because we might forget.

(Everyone is silent)

Darryl: Maybe I should come back later?

Phoebe: Yeah, I think that's a good idea...

Darryl: Call me when the dust has settled.

(Darryl leaves)  

Cole: (From Phoebe's room) I can't hear you guys anymore! Speak up!

Phoebe: (To Cole) Go back to sleep!

(Piper and Prue are still glaring in silence)

Phoebe: You guys, this isn't helping. 

Prue: We both have issues right now, that's all.

Piper: (Facing Phoebe) Mine are with two people I care about. Both seem to think that they can keep secrets from me.

Prue: (Facing Phoebe) Maybe they have good reason to.

Phoebe: (Rolls eyes) You know what you two need?

Piper and Prue: To go...

(Prue and Piper both scoff and fold their arms)

Phoebe: Do I need to break out Dr. Phoebe? 'Cause I will.

Prue: That would be Dr. Halliwell, Phoebe. 

Phoebe: Ooo! (Points finger at Prue) Watch the snark. Can any of you tell me why I'm the middle sister right now?

(Paige walks in)

Prue: I can think of one reason.

Paige: What's going on?

Phoebe: Just some soap-ish sisterly drama.

Paige: Wow. This'll be my first one.

Phoebe: Well, technically it isn't since it's not about you. Sorry.

Paige: Oh I'm sure we'll have issues at some point.

Piper: Yippie?

Paige: Huh?

Prue: (Sighs) I'm going downstairs to lock the door.

(Prue leaves the room)

Piper: And I'm going back to living in the dark. (Grinning sarcastically) Buh-bye!

(Piper leaves the room)

Paige: ...

 Phoebe: ...Maybe I should've used the smart spell...

Paige: Why didn't you?

Phoebe: Huh? Oh, well, let's just say our troubles would've 'doubled'.

Paige: Really?

Phoebe: Prue forgot to ask about that premonition when it happened, so don't tell them. Especially now.

Paige: Your secret is safe, with the Paige.

Phoebe: Feeling better?

Paige: Yeah, actually. As mad as I was, kicking that warlock's ass was awesome therapy.

Phoebe: Kicking any kind of butt is therapy. 

Paige: True. True.

(Cut to the Kitchen. Piper is there starting dinner. Prue walks in)

Prue: Piper?

Piper: ...What?

Prue: I think we shoualk.alk.

Piper: You're serious?

Prue: Yes.

Piper: About time. What was that place?

Prue: Well...

(Cut to Phoebe's room. Paige and Phoebe are there with Cole)

Paige: Check out the demon.

Cole: ...

(Both Cole and Paige exchange glares)

Phoebe: Right. You guys haven't been properly introduced!

Paige: Phoebe, can I talk with you in private, first?

Phoebe: Okay.

(Outside Phoebe's room)

Paige: Phoebe, why are you--

~Suddenly a bright light flashes inside the house~

Phoebe: What the?? (Looks around her) Paige? Where did you go?

(Cut back to the Kitchen. Prue and Piper are in shock)

Prue: Piper, what happened to you?

Piper: What happened to YOU?

Prue: Wait a minute. What the hell's going on here?!

(Phoebe runs into the kitchen)

Phoebe: You too?!

(Prue looks at her reflection in a mirror)

Prue: Oh. My. God. (She looks at the others) ...I'm 18 again...

[Fade out to]

~~Virtua Commercial~~

Announcer: Hey, are you at least 21? Are you comfortable with having sex in public? Do you have bi-sexual tendencies and are a girl? Are you a girl who loves to act like a total slut and proud of it? Do you like the new dating stereotypes? Well, if so, you could be on elimiday! We may be coming to your area. So check us out at elimiday.com! And spend your day acting out an ecstasy trip. Oh yeah!

Shots of a girl bouncing her breasts around, and a guy running on the beach naked.

Guy: WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

~~Virtua Commercial end~~

[Fade back to the show]

Pre-Teen Phoebe: Look at me, I look like I'm still in Junior high!

Teen Piper: This isn't happening!

PT-Phoebe: Oh, but Piper, you're so cute!

T-Piper: (Scoffs) Please.

Teen Prue: (Still glancing at herself in the mirror) Yeah... where did these cheeks go?

PT-Phoebe: Um, they left with your teens. Don't worry, in time, you'll get over them.

T-Prue: Are you patronizing me? 

PT-Phoebe: I don't know, Prue, are you getting vain all over the carpet?

(Prue squints her eyes)

T-Prue: Watch it. Your Bruce-almighty-Lee antics won't work now. And F.Y.I. the kitchen floor has no carpet.

PT-Phoebe: We'll see about that! Put up your dukes!

T-Prue: Nobody says that anymore, Phoebe.

T-Piper: Could you two please shut up!! (She looks up) Hey! Yeah, it's me again! What is your problem?! Can we have a break??

T-Prue: Who are you talking to?

T-Piper: Duh! The Elders! Who else??

PT-Phoebe and T-Prue: Who are the Elders??

(The doorbell rings. All three look at the front door)

T-Piper: Who could that be?

(The door opens, and Penny (Grams) walks in)

T-Piper and PT-Phoebe: Grams?

T-Prue: ...

Penny: Girls! I got a call from an old friend. She'll be arriving at the airport in a little while. I'm going to pick her up, so Prue, you'll be watching your sisters until I get back.

T-Prue: What?! I don't think so.

PT-Phoebe: I don't want Prue bossing me around!

Penny: Now, Prue, Phoebe, you know what I always say--

T-Prue: Fine! Whatever.

(Prue heads up to her room)

PT-Phoebe: Grams!

(Phoebe stomps her way into the living room)

Penny: I have to get ready, girls. Behave.

(Penny heads upstairs. Piper is standing by herself, with her arms folded, thinking.)

T-Piper: (Mutters) ...Three little... (Trails off) Phoebe!

(Walks over to Phoebe)

PT-Phoebe: What, I'm watching Teen Angel.

T-Piper: Phoebe! What has gotten into you two?!

PT-Phoebe: (Facing the monitor) ...So hot... 

(Piper slaps Phoebe in the head) 

PT-Phoebe (Cont'd): HEY! Get off my back #2.

T-Piper: Number 2? What the hell? Phoebe,  you you forgotten something?

PT-Phoebe: Yeah.

T-Piper: About time!

PT-Phoebe: I need to make a phone call!

(Phoebe picks up the phone)

T-Piper: (Looks up) I'm dreaming, aren't I? This is just one big, cosmic parody.

[Teen-Prue's bedroom. T-Prue and Penny are there. T-Prue is looking through a date book.]

Penny: You know how much I need you to watch them.

T-Prue: (While checking book, distracted) I know how much everyone needs me. 

Penny: It won't take long. You can go out with your friends when I get back, okay?

T-Prue: Already planned to.

Penny: ...

[Attic. Teen-Piper walks in, looking for the BOS, but can't find it.] 

T-Piper: Where is the Book of Shadows?

(She begins searching every nook and cranny)

[Living Room. Pre-Teen-Phoebe is on the phone.]

Recording on Phone: If you want to hear my voice longer, stay on the line and I will say something shortly.

PT-Phoebe: (To the phone) Hee. I love your voice.

(Penny passes by Phoebe)

Penny: Oh, don't stay on the phone too long in case of emergencies, Phoebe.

PT-Phoebe: Uh-huh. 

(Penny leaves the Manor)

PT-Phoebe (Cont'd): (Rolls eyes) Like anything would ever happen to us! 

[Teen-Prue's room. Teen-Piper is now there arguing with T-Prue.]

T-Piper: Prue!

T-Prue: Piper, I don't know what that 'book of shadows' is!

T-Piper: How can you not know!

T-Prue: Piper, please. I think I would know if we had a book about shadows -- and who would have one anyway?  

T-Piper: Ugh!! (Mumbles)

T-Prue: What did you say? Speak up.

T-Piper: Nothi-- 

(Singing can be heard downstairs)

T-Piper (Cont'd): What in the world?

T-Prue: (Rolls eyes) That is so annoying! 

(T-Prue heads downstairs, T-Piper follows.)

(Cut to the living room. PT-Phoebe is singing and dancing with a friend of hers. T-Prue and T-Piper walk in)

PT-Phoebe: (Singing "I Think We'lonelone Now") Children behaaave! That's what they say when we're together. And watch how you plaaaaa! Th! They don't understand and so we're running just as fast as we can. 

(PT-Phoebe and her friend dance)

Girl: Holding on to one another's hands.

(They dance some more)

PT-Phoebe: Trying to get away into the niiight, and then you put arms around me, then we tumble to the ground and then we say--

Both: I think--

T-Prue: You should shut up!!

(PT-Phoebe and her friend scream) 

(T-Piper covers her ears)

PT-Phoebe: PRUE! 

T-Prue: I'm trying to think upstairs.

PT-Phoebe: Then THINK.

T-Prue: I can't when you're trying to be a Tiffany wanna-be. First-of-all: She sucks. Debbie Gibson has the talent.

PT-Phoebe: Shut up, Prude.

T-Prue: What did you call me?!

PT-Phoebe: PRUDE.

T-Prue: OH! (She grabs PT-Phoebe by arm)

PT-Phoebe: Let go of me, Prude!

T-Prue: Stop calling me that!!

(PT-Phoebe escapes)

PT-Phoebe: No!

(Penny walks in with another woman)

Penny: I'm back!

T-Prue: Finally! Phoebe is driving me crazy!

Penny: No more fighting, girls. I have someone I want to introduce you all too.

Woman: Hi.

Penny: This is Lisa. Lisa, these are my grand daughters. 

Woman: Just call me Mona. 

T-Piper: M-o-n-a Lisa?? 

Mona: That too... girls used to make fun of me because I gracefully accepted the play on my name. I took the power away from those mini-broads. (Laughs) Even most of their boyfriends... the prudes. 

PT-Phoebe: Hee.

T-Prue: (Squints eyes) ... 

Penny: So what's going on?

PT-Phoebe: Nothing.

Penny: Good.

Mona: Oh, Penny, there's nothing wrong with a bit of sibling rivalry.

T-Prue: We're not rivals.

Mona: You don't have to be defensive about it. It's perfectly normal. 

Penny: Now, don't go encouraging any future squabbles, Lisa. I want my girls to be capable and level-headed in case things drastically change in their lives.

T-Piper: Pfft. That's the under statement. (Walks away)

Penny: ...?

Mona: Well, I've had a long trip back to the states, so um... I'll be going to a motel in an hour or two.

Penny: Of course. We can catch up, and you girls can hear about all the fun things we used to do.

T-Prue: Whatever. I'm going out.

Penny: Don't stay out late! You've got school tomorrow!

(T-Prue leaves the manor)

Penny: Prue...

Mona: Don't worry about it, Pen. She'll be in a better mood once she has some fun. (Whispers to Grams) And so will I. Gimme the scoop on the best strip clubs.

Penny: Lisa!

Mona: I'm sorry. We'll talk about that stuff later.

PT-Phoebe: What's a strip club?

Penny: ...A place where they make strips of food.

Mona: You got that right! Nothing like a little sausage and eggs in the morning.

Penny: Lisa!

 PT-Phoebe: I like tacos.

[Fade out to]

~~Virtua Commercial~~

(Creepy music plays)

Narrator: What if your friends or family tried to give you a good scare? Are you constantly afraid of unexpectedly landing a role in Scare Tactics? If so, you'd feel really dumb! That's because--

(A woman walks into her and her husbands bedroom)

Woman: (Gasps in shock) Oh! OH MY... GOD!

(Her husband is having sex with the babysitter)

Woman: YOU--YOU...! 

Her husband: Oh honey, I can explain!

(The woman pulls out a taser and shocks her husband)

Her husband: YAARR!! 

(He falls to the floor unconscious)

Woman: As for you--you--

Babysitter: Slut?

Woman: GRAAGH!

Slut: (Laughs) No need to stroke! You're on "Slut Tacti!

!

Woman: Wha?!

Her husband: (Shaking, stuttering) Surr-rr-p-p-p-r--ii-ss-e, ho-ho--hon-ney! I l-l-l-o-v-vv-e y-ooo-u-u-u!

Woman: OH! (Laughs) You sneak! You had me going there!

Narrator: LOL! Oops, don't mind the net speak. (Winks) Slut Tactics is coming soon to the Bi-fi channel.  

(Cut to)

Alyssa Milanos: Rub it uou cou could be next! 

~~Virtua Commercial End~~

[Fade back to show]

[Teen Prue and her friends are cruising the streets of S.F. They stop at a gas station. Prue gets out of the car and walks toward the gas station store.]

Girl: Prue!

T-Prue: What?

Girl: Corn nuts!

T-Prue: What kind?

Girl: BQ!

(Prue pulls the door open)

Second girl: Prue!

T-Prue: What?

Second girl: Bubble yum!

T-Prue: What kind? 

Second girl: Cherry!

T-Prue: Anything else? 

(Someone from behind creeps up to Prue)

Homeless man: Get me a sandwich!

T-Prue: What the hell?! Ew! Stay away from me!

Homeless man: (Sobs) I just wanted a sandwich...

(T-Prue walks into the store and grabs some bubble yum, chips and corn nuts. She almost grabs a sandwich by reflex. Someone from behind her puts their hands in front of her eyes. Prue assumes it's the guy from outside again, but pauses before she reacts due to the sound of his voice)

Guy: Guess who?

T-Prue: Um, a person who's going to get a black-eye, amongst other things.

(She turns around, it's Teen Andy)

T-Andy: (Smiles) Ouch. Not what I signed up for.

T-Prue: Likewise. Are you stalking me?

T-Andy: As if you'd take that as anything other than a compliment.

T-Prue: (Sarcasm) You know too much -- you must die.

T-Andy: Heh heh. Say, how 'bout you ditch those princesses out there and hit the beach with me?

T-Prue: You've got no chance.

T-Andy: Didn't imply anything that would break your code.

T-Prue: Because you'd be dead right now.

T-Andy: Well--

T-Prue: Actually, I think we should have a little fun with, say... skinny-dipping?

T-Andy: (Face lights up) You serious?

T-Prue: Why not? It's been a while since I've been sweet and caring and cute and easy.

(He takes this in)

T-Andy: ...A simple "no" would've worked.

T-Prue: But what fun is that? Besides, you're cute when I have my way with you.

T-Andy: That should sound a lot sexier than it does.

(Prue's friend busts into the store)

Girl: Prue! Hurry up!! 

T-Prue: Do you mind! 

Girl: Flirt later, we have business to attend to!

T-Prue: I was not flirting!

Store clerk: Stop yelling in my store!

Girl: (To clerk) Oh! Do you know who my father is? 

T-Prue: That homeless?

?

Girl: (Sarcasm) So funny, that I'm laughing subconsciously.

(Andy whispers in Prue's ear)

Girl: (To clerk) You'll show me respect, or die!

Store clerk: I don't have to take this abuse. Get out, or I call 911!

Girl: Go ahead. And while you're at it... (She walks up to the clerk, cavalierly) you can file for 
unemployment just to pass the time between daily rat-dropping snacks, and Kentucky fried turkey trash can 
licking, thinking about how you fucked with Heather Duke, and survived...

T-Andy: Prue, tell your 'friend' her head's about to explode.

Heather: Ah, sweet Andrew. While you're busy sniffing Prue's trail another 48 hours, you can practice respect for your superiors. I hear daddy's check is in the mail. Why don't you be a good boy, and make sure there's nothing that matches my pink package? (Smirks)

T-Prue: Don't talk to my him like that.

Heather: Domesticated much? Drop the chips 'n' dip, we're gonna be late!

T-Andy: Prue, don't. 

T-Prue: I have to go.

(T-Prue leaves in the car with Heather. Andy steps outside)

T-Andy: (Shouts) Prue, call me later!

Homeless man: Tell her not to forget my sandwich!

T-Andy: What?

[Heather's car: Heather is driving. Prue and two other girls are riding with her]

T-Prue: You know, just because you're openly a bitch, doesn't give you the right to insult my boyfriend.
 
Heather: Oh Prue, what do I always say? 
-Pru-Prue: Something bitchy?

Heather: Well, there's that--

Girl in the back seat: Heather, where are we going again?

Heather: God, Brenda, I told you like an hour ago. 

Brenda: I forgot...

Heather: Fine. (Condecendingly) We're going to an exclusive party at Christian's, then, to Teeny's cardboard box to leave a warhead in her one-piece wardrobe set for the prom. And... while we do that, I'll be holding your hand whenever you need to take a tinkle, and play with your dolly. 

T-Prue: Oh, Heather, you're the bestest friend, ever!

Heather: Please. Like you're any different.

T-Prue: At least I have a heart.

Heather: You sure about that?

T-Prue: ...

(Time lapse. Prue and the others arrive at Christian's place. They walk inside. The place is semi-crowded with frat boys and sorority sisters. Some are engaging in sinful acts of 'passion'.)

Heather: Okay. You know the mission, girls. Let's get busy. ...Oh, and Brenda, if you forget what to do again, you can always go home.

Brenda: I remember.

Third girl: I'll back you up, Brenda.

Brenda: Thanks.

(Brenda and the third girl disappear into the crowd)

Heather: ...Let's go, Prue.

T-Prue: They better be here.

Heather: Oh they are.

(Heather and Prue cruise through the crowd)

Heather: I see one of them!

T-Prue: Where?

Heather: Follow me.

(Both head towards a guy standing near the back door)

Heather: (To the guy) Hey, Christian!

Christian: Heather? What are you doing here?

Heather: Some shit is scheduled to hit this fan, and you were going to be here, so I decided to a make a cameo.

Christian: Yeah? Who's the girl you brought?

Heather: That's Prue.

stiastian: (Smiles) Nice... (Stares at her breasts) to meet you, Prue.

T-Prue: (Returns his look with a mocking glance at his crotch) ...Yeah, you too.

Christian: Ah...

Heather: (Towards Prue) Ha... Ha...

T-Prue: What do you want me to do, spread my legs?

Christian: ...

Heather: Heh. Excuse us, Chris.

(Heather pulls Prue aside)

T-Prue: If this is the part where you lecture me, don't bother.

Heather: What is your problem? Are you still carrying that spew about your boy from earlier? News flash, girl: Get over it. This is important. 

T-Prue: Fine. I'll play along.

Heather: Good.

[Fade out to]

~~Virtua Commercial~~

(Dramatic music plays)

Announcer: They thought their love would never burn again...

(Shots of Buffy and Angel embracing, and Angel walking away)

Announcer: (Cont'd) Every attempt to re-ignite their fire, ended in nothing but a trip back to their own shows...

(Shots of Buffy telling Giles she plans to meet Angel "somewhere in between")

Announcer: This summer... their love finally conquers all! 

(Buffy opens a large box. Suddenly Angel pops out of it)

Buffy: Angel.

Angel: Buffy.

Announcer: (Cont'd) But how?  

(Buffy and Angel walk into the daylight, they hold hands and kiss. The Buffy and Angel theme plays in the background)

Angel: Buffy?

Buffy: Yes, Angel?

Angel: Where is the nearest socket?

Buffy: Here... 

(Buffy takes his plug and plugs it into her socket)

Angel: Oh, that's good. That long trip really drained me.

Buffy: You're welcome... Would you like some oil to accompany your battery recharge?

Angel: Why. Yes. Buffy.

(The B/A theme screeches to a halt)

Buffy: You are well built. Did Warren make you?

Angel: No. But I am customized to brood on cue whenever small children cry, and clowns die.

Buffy: I can be pro-active with depression. You are my perfect boyfriend. My soulmate. I can't wait to see which vampire is the better sex partner! Would you like to come to my room? It has room temperature, and it has many, many sockets-- in all shapes and sizes. Some even have oil flavored surge protectors.

Angel: This oil is very good. Thank you Buffy. After we make human sex, would you like me to activate my Angelus program?

Buffy: Yes...

Announcer: Coming soon...

(Sound of Buffy bot and Angel bot in her room)

Buffy: Oh, Angel!

Angel: Mmm, Buffy! Cordy's socket isn't nearly as electric as yours!

Buffy: And Spike's plug is older than it looks!

Angel: Our love--

Buffy: Is--

Both: Internal! 

Announcer: To a theater near you... "The Internal Luvers"!

Buffy: I love you, Angel!

Angel: I love you too, Buffy! For all internalty!

Announcer: Rated WTF

~~Virtua Commercial end~~

[Fade back to the show]

[Outside the party: Teen Prue and Heather are in Heather's car waiting for Brenda and the third girl.]

(Brenda comes running)

Brenda: Coming!

Heather: God, Brenda, how much did you eat today?

Brenda: There was a line, okay?

 (The third girl appears with a guy, but leaves him to come to the car)

Third girl: Hey, guys. I'm going to stay here. I met this really hot guy.

Heather: You met a guy. Right. This isn't grade school, Kelly. You can just say you're staying. We don't need to know why.

Brenda: You can tell me all about it later, okay? Call me!

Kelly: Bye, guys.

Brenda: Bye.

T-Prue: Don't forget to use protection.

(Heather speeds off)

Kelly: ...Thanks.

(In the car)

Heather: She doesn't need the after school special, Prue. She's a big girl.

T-Prue: That doesn't mean she's ready for 'big' responsibilities.

Heather: Prue, not even dinks are ready for big responsibilities. She'll just have to learn things the hard way.

T-Prue: Can you drop me off at Andy's?

Heather: Not until we make one last stop.

T-Prue: You're not actually serious about Teeny, are you?

Heather: Of course! Did you think I spent all of fifth period coming up with it just to blow it off because you want to play nightstick with the junior law enforcement? 

Brenda: (Laughs) Didn't we see Andy doing just that with that UC skank?

T-Prue: What?!

Heather: Once again, Brenda shows us the meaning of the phrase "blind as a bitch".  Brenda, have you been eating yourself recently? That was his father. 

Brenda: Oops. 

T-Prue: His father?

Heather: The truth comes out.

T-Prue: That's bullshit. His parents are happily married.

therther: ...

Brenda: Yeah, happily married to other people! (Giggles).

T-Prue and Heather: Shut up, Brenda!

Brenda: What did I do?

(Time lapse. Outside an old, worn house near Heather's car.)

Heather: This shouldn't be too hard.

T-Prue: Look, I've got nothing against Terry. 

Heather: So what?

Brenda: Let's crucify her.

Heather: That's the spirit, Brenda. 
 
T-Prue: How would you feel if someone did this to you on an important occasion?

Heather: I wouldn't 'feel', I'd kick ass and take names. Which is something you used to like doing. What has gotten into you, Prue? Did you age ten years since yesterday?

T-Prue: ...No. 

Heather: Then what the fuck?

T-Prue: ...Let's just get it over with.

Heather: That's my girl.

(Cut to a small odd-looking house elsewhere. A short plain-looking girl walks in cautiously)

Girl: H-Hello? Zelda? 

(A middle-aged, short woman appears before the girl)

  Zelda: (Squeaky voice) Hello, little girl. What can I do for you?

Girl: My name is Terry. I was told you could help me...

Zelda: (Squeaky voice) Ah. I see. You're a witch.

Terry: What? How did you-- oh, right! You're one, too.

Zelda: (Squeaky voice) Let me guess, you want to learn everything about being a witch, right?

Terry: Well, yeah. But, I was hoping you could help me do a spell right now.

Zelda: (Squeaky voice) What kind?

Terry: Um, here. 

(She hands Zelda a piece of paper with writing on it)

Zelda: (Squeaky voice) I see. You're not the first new witch to want that first. 

Terry: Really? Who else?

Zelda: (Squeaky voice) Me. (Laughs) But I have to warn you, sometimes things can backfire. If you hurt others, it will come back to you.

Terry: Oh. Don't worry, I won't.

Zelda: (Squeaky voice) Personal gain spells are touchy, too. But they're pretty volatile depending on your circumstances--

y: Oy: Okay, okay!

Zelda: (Squeaky voice) I'll help, sweetie. Come with me.

[Cut to the Manor. T-Piper is sitting alone on the front steps.]

T-Piper: No Book of Shadows, no memory-filled sisters, no powers, and no whitelighter. What am I going to do?

(Phoebe steps outside the manor, notices Piper, and sits next to her.)

PT-Phoebe: Hey, Piper. What's wrong?

T-Piper: What do you care? Go finish your concert.

PT-Phoebe: Don't be silly, my friend left, and Grams is there. ...You look sad.

T-Piper: That's MAD, Phoebe. Get your emotedar fixed. 

PT-Phoebe: What? What's with you? You seem different today.

T-Piper: Gee, I guess I should just join in the general memory-lacktivity then, huh? Just toss reality aside so I can have 'fun' , right?.

PT-Phoebe: ...I don't understand a word you just said, but I know I heard fun in there somewhere, so let's have some! C'mon. Get up.

T-Piper: Hell-O! Brooding-with-good-reason here!

(Phoebe yanks Piper up and forces her downstairs)

PT-Phoebe: Where can we go... I know! 

T-Piper: Let go of me, Phoebe!

PT-Phoebe: C'mon!

T-Piper: No, Phoebe!

PT-Phoebe: Piper, your mouth says "no", but your legs say "yes".

T-Piper: I am not going to let myself fall because of you!

PT-Phoebe: Yeah, yeah, yeah. What time is it... wait, I almost forgot! I got just the thing to cheer you up.

(Time lapse. Outside Baker High's Football field: Phoebe arrives there with Piper.)

PT-Phoebe: I knew it! They ARE practicing tonight!

T-Piper: So?

PT-Phoebe: Don't you get it? Hot, older guys are currently sweating without an audience!

T-Piper: Ew, Phoebe. What are you right now, like eleven, twelve?

PT-Phoebe: What do you mean? Piper, love knows no age bounds.

T-Piper: What. Ever.

PT-Phoebe: I see you need convincing, Piper-san. Watch the guys closely.

T-Piper: Phoebe.

PT-Phoebe: Shh! Look at them. Shirts on. Shirts... off.

T-Piper: Well, they're fit...

PT-Phoebe: Like greek gods...

T-Piper: Oh, please. (Rolls eyes) 

PT-Phoebe: Watch.

(She steps up to the fence)

T-Piper: Phoebe, what are you doing?

PT-Phoebe: (Shouts) Hey, guys! Over here! Yeah, you, twenty-two!

(From a distance away)

Twenty-two: Who is that?

(Two other guys look in her direction)

Thirteen: Hey, isn't that...

Seven: Huh?

Twenty-two: You know who she is?

Thirteen: Yeah... she used to date my little brother! What was her name again?

Twenty-two: (Shouts) What's your name?

PT-Phoebe: (Shouts) Phoebe!

Twenty-two: Phoebe?

Thirteen: Oh yeah! She dumped him for another guy, too! 

Twenty-two: Whoa.

Seven: Not cool.

Thirteen: Wait, watch this. (Shouts) Hey, Freebie! Did you bring another guy to makeout with under the bleachers?

PT-Phoebe: ...What?! 

Seven: (Shouts) Is that a girl you brought, or just a boy with long hair?

Twenty-two: Dude! (Laughs)

T-Piper: WHAT?! (Shouts) Hey, pal, who do you think you are!

(Piper aims to blow up the ground near them)

PT-Phoebe: Piper, what are you doing?

T-Piper: Relieving stress! 

Thirteen: (Shouts) Freebie, is your friend trying to dance? Tell him he sucks!

PT-Phoebe: (Shouts) Oh yeah? Well she's a lot hotter than your boyfriends! 

Twenty-two: Did she just call us your boyfriends?

Seven: She did. Uh-oh, coach is calling for us. We better go.

Thirteen: Yeah... (Shouts) Bye, Freebie!

PT-Phoebe: (Shouts) Don't forto kto kiss your boyfriend for good luck!

Thirteen: Shi...

T-Piper: Phoebe, I'm going HOME.

PT-Phoebe: Piper.

T-Piper: Home. NOW. Or I tell Grams you were flirting with boys.

PT-Phoebe: Way to hit below the belt, sister.

T-Piper: I feel the sudden, yet justified urge to hit you above that. Move it!

(Cut back to the manor. Penny and Mona are watching a video in the living room.)

Mona: (Pointing at a guy on the video) And that's the guy that my daughter hired as her housekeeper. Isn't he a hunk?

Penny: Well... if he's useful, I suppose. 

Mona: Are you insane--he's gorgeous!

Penny: That's nice, Lisa.

Mona: I sense bitterness. Let me guess... you haven't had much fun since--

(T-Piper and PT-Phoebe enter the manor) 

Penny: Where have you girls been? 

PT-Phoebe: We just went out for a walk. Right, Piper?

T-Piper: ...Sure, Phoeb.

Penny: Then, get ready for bed, it's late.

(T-Piper and PT-Phoebe head upstairs)

Mona: Back to the subject--

Penny: There is no subject. I have to make sure these girls--

Mona: What about that warlock you--

Penny: Don't finish that sentence.

Mona: Fine. Repress all you want. (Sighs) I should go. I'll see you tomorrow.

Penny: Okay. Bye.

[Mona leaves the manor. Upstairs, PT-Phoebe is in her room with T-Piper looking through a box she pulled out of her secret hiding place. She pulls out one letter addressed to Penny from the phone company.] 

T-Piper: (Gasps) Phoebe, do you realize how angry grams is going to be when she finds out that you added over a hundred dollars to this month's bill?

PT-Phoebe: She's going to keep me trapped here forever!

T-Piper: Just say NO to nine-hundred numbers!

PT-Phoebe: Well it's not that easy, Piper! Here, take a look at this--

(PT-Phoebe pulls out a picture)

PT-Phoebe: Can you say NO to him?

(It's a pic of Corey Haim)

T-Piper: (Rolls eyes) So like our future.

PT-Phoebe: Huh?

T-Piper: I'm going to bed.

PT-Phoebe: Wha?! Don't you want to listen in on--

T-Piper: Ew, Phoebe. No! 

(Later that night, Prue sneaks Andy into her bedroom.  Unbeknownst to them, Phoebe is listening in from the kitchen vent)

T-Prue: I know this was last minute, but I needed to talk to you about somet imp important.

T-Andy: And here I thought it was just to makeout.

T-Prue: You wish. ...Well, actually, that too, but the important thing first.

T-Andy: (Smiles) I'm at full attention.

T-Prue: Okay. Um, It's about-- 

(She stops mid-thought)

T-Prue (Cont'd): Hey!

T-Andy: What?

T-Prue: I'm serious.

T-Andy: So am I.

T-Prue: Well, so am I.

T-Andy: Me moreso.

T-Prue: No way. I am.

T-Andy: Not even death threats can match mine.

T-Prue: Stop.

T-Andy: Give me a few minutes.

T-Prue: Do I have to start talking about my period?

T-Andy: (Gags) Not unless it has a happy ending. 

T-Prue: You know what, maybe Heather was right about you.

T-Andy: Huh? 

T-Prue: Are you seeing someone else?

T-Andy: No.

T-Prue: Is that right?

T-Andy: Look, I don't know why you'd listen to those who happen to hate me. I'm not the type to cheat. You know that.

T-Prue: Didn't you visit UC recently?

T-Andy: Yeah. My father was there recently.

T-Prue: ... 

T-Andy: What?

T-Prue: Nothing. You're right, they do hate yourry.rry.

T-Andy: Was that what you wanted to tell me?

T-Prue: No, actually. What... What would you think if I told you that I wanted to go solo?

T-Andy: Break up??

T-Prue: No, no!

T-Andy: Ooh. I see. This isn't because of me, is it? I don't want to be your group's "Yoko."

T-Prue: This is what I want. Sure it was fun for a while, but I-- (Sighs) I just feel like what I do isn't what defines me anymore. 

T-Andy: There's the Prue I fell for... (Smiles)

T-Prue: I'm nothing like I was when you met me.

T-Andy: Uh, hello, we grew up together, remember?

T-Prue: What? Oh, right! (Laughs)

T-Andy: ...And the smile I look forward to every day... (He leans in for a kiss)

T-Prue: (After kiss) Oh. That was subtle... 

T-Andy: (Gives Prue a look) Warrant to search the area?

T-Prue: (Squints eyes) Warrant... granted.

(Cut to the kitchen. Phoebe is still listening in through the vent)

PT-Phoebe: (Grins) Hee-hee.

[Fade into]

Girl: Hi. My name's Jennifer Loveto Do-it. Have you heard about a product that can clear your pores AND clean your ass? I sure haven't... until now! 

(Shots of Neutrogenatil soap bars being used in bathes and face washes)

Jennifer Loveto Do-it: Wow! Look at all those naked people bathing--oops, I mean the fresh natural scent!

(Shot of a woman using it and moaning in pleasure) 

Woman: Oh, yes! More!

Jennifer Loveto Do-it: Hey! g cog commercial, girlfriend!

Woman: OH! Sorry! I guess stepped into the wrong set!

(Leaves naked)

Jennifer Loveto Do-it: I tried using Neutrogenatil--

(Cut to Jennifer in the shower at home, with camera men trying to tape her)

Naked Jennifer Loveto Do-it: HEY! GET THE **** OUT OF MY HOUSE, YOU STUPID MOTHER*******!!! GET OUT!!!

(Cut back to) 

Jennifer Loveto Do-it: And it is SOOOOOOO refreshing! My pores were clean and my butt smelled so damn fresh! Well, actually my pores were cleared out using--

(Director intervenes)

Jennifer Loveto Do-it: Oops! I mean Neurtrogenatil is the best! And don't forget, I have yet another poor excuse for an album coming out... or is already out? I'm sure you'll love how I once again waste my vocal talents on crappy songs that resemble dance music and pop, and focus on acting when my voice is so unique, but I chose to not show just how true that is by doing said music, and not taking it seriously, and (giggle) buy Neutrogenatil now! 

[Fade back to show]

[Next day Baker High. T-Prue walks down the hall to her locker]

(90210 theme plays)

(Shots of several pretty-white-straight-teens left and right, smiling, playing, laughing, showing off, and trying to dance.)

Girl: (From a distance) Brenda! Brenda!

T-Prue: Huh?

Girl: Oh, sorry Prue! I thought you were Brenda.

T-Prue: Would be  be the first time. So, Donna-- what happened?

Donna: Oh my god, you don't know? Dylan is back!

T-Prue: Unbelievable.

Donna: Yeah! After what he did to Brenda and Kelly, he has the nerve to come back, now?

T-Prue: Disgusting. First he said he loved Brenda, then cheated on her with Kelly, then chose Kelly in the end just because Brenda's dad didn't let her go to Dylan's house that night. He's such a jerk. For some reason I feel the faint need to kick Kelly's and Dylan's asses. And a few other old friends', too...   

Donna: Yeah... I'll catch you later! 

(Donna runs down the hall shouting Brenda, causing the other students give her a look)

T-Prue: (Nods) O-kay.

(Donna heads for the stairs. She bumps into a few students and stops them)

Donna: Has anyone seen Brenda?

(The students ignore her)

Donna (Cont'd): Hey!!

(Donna takes one step downstairs to the first floor, when suddenly someone from behind shoves her, causing her to roll down the stairs)

Donna (Cont'd): (While rolling downstairs) H-H-H-E-E-L-L-P-P-P M-M-M-E-E-E!

(She hits the wall, but her butt bounces her off it--)

Donna (Cont'd): OW! O-U-C-H!

 (Sending her rolling down the next flight of stairs into the boiler room)

Donna (Cont'd): N-o-t t-h-e b-o-i-l-e-r r-o-o-m! 

(She crashes into the door, knocking her unconscious)

[Lunch room. Prue, Heather and Brenda sit down for lunch]

T-Prue: Brenda, did Donna tell you about Dylan?

Brenda: No. 

Heather: You mean she couldn't find you all this time? She like, pulled over every other person in school looking for you.

Brenda: Uh... I don't know why she couldn't find me. 

Heather: Maybe it has something to do with you not being in 3rd period?

Brenda: Huh?

Heather: Where were you all day?

Brenda: Nowhere...

T-Prue: Oh yeah, that isn't an invitation to an interrogation. 

Brenda: Shut up, Prue.

Heather: (Sarcasm) Whoa. Tame that flame, little girl. Was it about Kelly?

Brenda: No...

Heather: What, did her late night activity gag?

Brenda: I promised not to tell.

(Heather catches a glance of someone familiar cruising slowly towards their table)

Heather: Look, Prue, you're stalker found you.

T-Prue: What?

(A guy shyly walks up to Prue)

Guy: Prue, it's me -- Justin Harper.

T-Prue: What do you want?

Justin: I was... wondering if you and... uh...

T-Prue: No, he's still my boyfriend.
stinstin: Oh...

Heather: Don't fret, Justin. 'Justin-vent' a girlfriend.

Brenda: (Laughing) And you could name her "Just-a-robot".

Heather: ...

T-Prue: ...

Justin: Funny. Yeah... I'll just... leave.

Brenda: Don't forget what she said "Justin-case" you come back. (Laughs)

Heather: Having fun, Brenda?

Brenda: Huh? What did I do?

(Justin walks away, defeated)

Heather: Anyway, what were you saying about Kelly?

Brenda: Huh? Oh, she-- H-- Hey! You tried to trick me!

Heather: Well, at least we know who it was about. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have some business to attend to.

T-Prue: And so do I.

Brenda: What?

(Heather and Prue both leave the table. A few moments later, a guy sits next to Brenda)

Guy: Brenda.

Brenda: Huh? Brandon, what are you doing here?

Brandon: I need a favor. Remember the you-know-who I told you about?

Brenda: Yeah.

Brandon: Well, we slept together, but my grades didn't go up.

Brenda: (Laughs) Maybe you sucked?

Brandon: ...Fine! Forget I asked!

(Brandon leaves pissed off)

Brenda: Wait! I was only teasing! What is with everyone today? 

(Cut to Teen Piper walking into her home room class and sitting down. A girl gets out of her seat and heads over to Piper)

Girl: Piper?

T-Piper: Huh? Kimberly??

Kim: Look, I know you're still freaked about the other night, but I wanted to say that I'm sorry for what happened.

T-Piper: Wait--wait a minute. I remember this! You kissed me!

(Everyone looks at Piper in shock)

T-Piper: (Gasps and covers her mouth with her hands) Oh my god!! 

Kim: Piper, how could you?! Now everyone will think my mom has lesbian babies, and that all gay people have gay babies! 

Teacher: What is going on over there?

T-Piper: No-no-no! I am not a lesbian, damn it! So everyone can stop staring at me! And Kim, people are going to think you're weird because you came from a town where cows have human babies and children have far too much wisdom for their own good!

Kim: Why, Piper, Why?! We were so close!

(The teacher slams a book on her desk hard)

Teacher: Settle down!

T-Piper: (To the teacher) Can it. (To Kim) I have more important issues to deal with right now, like reliving high school!

Kim: I hate you! I hate you, I hate you, I hate you!!

(Kim runs away crying, everyontchetches, then focus back on Piper)

T-Piper: ...What? You lookin' at me? I know nobody else is sitting here, so you must be looking at me!

Teacher: Piper, settle down this instance! 

T-Piper: Don't tell me what to do, granny.

(The teacher scratches the chalk board with her nails)

Everyone: AAAHHH!

T-Piper: (To the teacher) What is your problem! 

Teacher: You are one step away from the principal's office, young lady!

T-Piper: (Snaps) Oh put a midol in it, missy!

(Her classmates gasp)

Teacheh alh all the...!! To the principal's office -- NOW! 

T-Piper: No thanks.

Teacher: What?!

(Piper grabs her things and leaves the room)

[Outside a store: Pre-teen Phoebe waits for someone]

Guy: Phoebe! 

PT-Phoebe: Finally! Where were you all this time?

Guy: I was getting some things I need. And, I thought we would crash the high school prom tonight?

PT-Phoebe: That'd really piss off my sister! Hee.

Guy: But in the meantime, would you like to makeout int spt special place again?

PT-Phoebe: Well... Um, why don't we just do something totally unrelated?

Guy: Sure. Let's ride!

(The guy hops on his dirtbike. Phoebe sits behind him and holds on)

Guy (Cont'd): Let's rock. 

PT-Phoebe: Whoo!

(Phoebe and the guy ride off into the downtown)

[Back at Baker High, in the hallway. Justin is at his locker when Prue walks up to him]

T-Prue: Jus--

(Justin quickly turns around)

Justin: Prue!?

T-Prue: Yes, that's me. Justin, I wanted to apologize for earlier.

Justin: What?  ...Why?

T-Prue: Because it's the right thing to do.

Justin: But why should you? I bothered you in the middle of something.

T-Prue: No you didn't.

Justin: I did, Prue. You know it, I know it. Hell, everyone knows it. I'm a pest, I get it. And I won't be bugging you anymore.

(Justin slams his locker door shut and walks away)

T-Prue: What was that all about? 

(Heather appears behind Prue)

Heather: Prue, there you are!

T-Prue: Oh, hey. 

Heather: You'll never believe what I found out! Kelly, was raped and killed!

T-Prue: (Shocked) What?!

Heather: (Laughs) Yeah. And funniest part was that she puked all over Christian's place before it happened. Talk about getting slapped in the face by fate, huh?

T-Prue: Excuse me?! Heather, what is so funny about what happened to her? Have you lost your mind?!

Heather: What the fuck? 

T-Prue: I can't believe you! First Terry, now Kelly? 

Heather: God, Prue, did you eat a Alzheimer's sandwich for breakfast? What's with the neo-saintittude? You used to give me a run for my money in our golden age. And why are you acting like--

(Kelly walks by hiding her face as much as she can, ignoring Prue and Heather) 

Heather: There's our girl. 

T-Prue: Wait a minute. I thought you said--

Heather: Prue, really, you need professional help. This granny-act of yours -- not funny. If you want to retire, just say the word. There are plenty of girls that'll gladly take your place... and Kelly's.

T-Prue: ...

Heather: As for Kelly-- well, she's just going to have to lick her wounds, and hope they heal before graduation. Well, Prue, think about what I said... and remember: whether or to kill yourself or not is one of the most important decisions a person could make. (Winks) 

(Heather walks away from Prue)

(Outside Baker High. A guy in leather riding in a motorcycle parks in the school parking lot. Brenda reveals herself from behind a car)

Brenda: Dylan!

Dylan: Brenda? What are you doing out here?

Brenda: Uh, don't ask. Anyway, I had to talk to you about Kelly.

Dylan: I'm listening.

(Cut to an empty classroom. Dylan and Brenda sit down)

Dylan: So what's up?

Brenda: I need your help. You see, Heather took Kelly down a little while ago, and I need you to keep an eye on her.

Dylan: I see.

Brenda: But try and avoid getting caught with her, okay?

Dylan: Alright. 

Brenda: Oh and, Dylan?

Dylan: Yeah?

Brenda: (Smiles) Welcome back.

(Dylan nods and leaves) 

(Cut to inside the girls restroom. Piper and Kim are in the middle of an argument)

T-Piper: I told you that I was sorry, so stop blowing it so out of proportion. Just come out of that stall and let's cut the rest of the day and do something.

Kim: No. I opened boutbout something very personal, and you--you just... I wasn't ready yet, you know? (Sniffs) Go away, Piper.

T-Piper: Kimberly.

Kim: Go!

T-Piper: Fine. (Sighs) 

(T-Piper leaves the restroom, takes a few steps before hearing a voice call out her name from down the hall)

Guy: Piper!

T-Piper: Huh?

(The guy catches up to Piper)

Guy: (Points at his name tag) I'm David, the hall monitor. Your teacher told me to find you. Piper, the principal wants to see you right now.

T-Piper: (Rolls eyes) Too bad, I have more important things to do.

David: I have to escort you.

T-Piper: Are you seriously planning on forcing me over there?

David: Well... 

(Suddenly a faint, slightly distorted female voice echoes across the hall)

Voice: Run, Piper, run!

T-Piper: Who the hell said that?!

David: (Scoping the area) Where are you?

Voice: Run, Piper, run...

T-Piper: ...Kimberly? No, wait, that sounds familiar.

David: The voice?

T-Piper: No, the phrase. I could've sworn I read it somewhere.  

Voice: Run, Piper, run!!

T-Piper: Stop telling me to run, damn it!

David: You-you don't th-think it's a g-g-g-ghost, do you??

T-Piper: I don't know, Shaggy. Why don't you find Scooby while I check the lad... I mean girls room.

David: What?! Don't leave me alone!

(Piper walks back into girlgirls room)

T-Piper: Kim? Was that you? Kim?

(Kim does not answer)

T-Piper (Cont'd): Are you... um, taking care of business?

(Still no answer)

T-Piper (Cont'd): Kim? Kim!

(Piper checks under the stall door, but Kim's legs aren't there)

T-Piper (Cont'd): Kim, if you're trying to ignore me by pretending that you aren't here, it isn't working. Get off the toilet and come out.

(Still no answer from Kim. Piper begins to w. Sh. She walks into the stall next to Kim's, uses the toilet to climb her way up to see over the wall.)

David: (From the entrance) Piper? Are you done yet?

(Piper is startled and nearly slips into the toilet foot first.)  

T-Piper: (Snaps) Do you mind!

David: Hu-r-r-r-y, P-P-Piper!

(Piper sets herself up again to check. She peeks and her jaw drops at the sight of Kim sitting upside down with her head and shoulders jammed inside the toilet. Kim's knees are resting on the lid of the toilet's storage tank, with her of legs bent hanging over her behind.) 

T-Piper: (Screams) KIM!!

David: WHAT HAPPEND?!!

(Piper jumps off the toilet and crashes through the stall door. She tries to open Kim's door, but the voice from outside is heard again.)

T-Piper: What?!

(Suddenly the bathroom stall farthest from Piper's view blasts open with a figure that appears to be cloaked in a shreaded-like black robe with no visible face. The figure heads in Piper's direction while flashing an abnormally large blade.)

(Eyes widening in terror, Piper pauses momentarily due to disbelief, but quickly regains her composure, and instinctively tries to freeze it. Piper then remembers she doesn't have her powers, but the figure closes in, prepares to slice Piper from a 3 `o clock angle.) 

T-Piper: WHOAAH!

(Piper ducks just in time for it to miss. Piper quickly turns around and runs like hell)

David: Piper?!

T-Piper: Run, you moron!!

(Piper grabs David and they leave the girls restroom. They run down the hall, the figure following behind them. Piper and David hit a hallway intersection, Piper chooses the right, David readies to follow, but looks over his shoulder to see the figure is about to strike. He. He dodges it, then heads in the left direc. Th. The figure pauses and follows David.)

(Cut to Piper in the stairway. Piper runs so fast, that she nearly slips down the stairs. She won't stop running, no matter what. Missy Campbell watches Piper run and nods.)

T-Piper (Cont'd): Run, you bitch!

Missy: (Gasps) What did you call me?!

(Piper continues without her)

(Cut to David. David slams into the stairway doors, doesn't notice the "wet floor" sign, and slips up, sliding across the floor down a flight of stairs into the wall.)

David: OW-OW! OOUUCH! 

(He looks up. The figure hovers down the stairs. It's shreaded-like robe now seems to be more like a black wild fire.)

David: (Bawls) No, please don't kill me! I'm supposed to evolve into a cool guy in a few years! I'll never get to cheat on and marry Donna! I'll never--

(The figure forms a middle finger and strikes with it's blade, again, and again.)

(Cut back to Piper. Piper looks over her shoulder and notices no one is following her.)

T-Piper: David? Spooky dark shadow? Eerie out-of-view voice? 

(A thud is heard, followed by another thud, then another, another, and another. Piper tries to catch a glimpse of what is causing the sound, but is cut off by Missy Campbell's head rolling down the stairs, stopping near her. The hovering sound appears again)

T-Piper (Cont'd): Never mind!!

(She runs out the school exit. Down near the boiler room entrance Donna wakes up.)

Donna: Ouch, my head... and butt. What happened? Oh, right, someone pushed me!

(She gets up slowly. Before she starts upstairs, she hears a something drop inside the boiler room.)

Donna: What was that?!

(She investigates, and finds something shocking.)

Donna: (Pulls her hair in shock) WHY?!! What for!! (She falls to her knees and looks up) Why, god, why!!! (Sobbing) Why must you test our faith so dramatically?! Lordy, I need an answer!! An answer! Give it to me!!

(The figure taps her on the shoulder) 

Donna: Jebus?

(She turns around and screams. The figure prepares to stab her dead, when suddenly...)

Donna (Cont'd): (Dramatically) NO! NO! I'm just a young girl trying to blossom into a woman! (Pulls even more hair out) I have f-EE-lings! I'm like a rosebud waiting to open wide and swallow the world! Swallow THE world!!!

(The figure stops and gives her a round of applause with its black flame hands)

Donna (Cont'd): ...Huh? Oh! (Smiles) Thank you! I'm gonna be an actress.

(The figure stops, and strikes.)

Donna (Cont'd): WHAAHH!!

(Time lapse. The figure locks the boiler room door and disappears.)

[Fade into]

Girl: Hi. Are you looking for a good time? Well, so are we!

Several black girls: We're really horny! Call us at 1-800-U-KNOW-U-WANNA-DO-US-NOW!

(Several girls practically throw themselves all over the place in heat to freaky club music)

Girl lying in catnip: I'm so horny!

Girl licking self: Me so slippery!

Girl biting self: I'm hungry for you!

Girl purring with her butt in the air: I wanna sink my claws into you!

(Shots of several boy cats call in) SeveSeveral black girls again: MEOW! Hey hot guys! Check out our website at www.catpron@sexyfurrysingles.com 

Guy: ME-OW!

Girl: Let black cats be your lucky color!

(Shot of a girl cat wearing a bikini)

[Fade back into show]

[Downtown San Francisco - Daytime. Phoebe and her guy are at the Museum of the City of San Francisco. Their school principal is searching for them across the street. Inside the museum, Phoebe stands two feet away from one of the exhibits when her guy sneaks up behind her and sneaks a kiss]

PT-Phoebe: Mmmm & M's!

Guy: I left 'em right where you like it best -- the tip of my tongue, baby.

PT-Phoebe: (Giggles) Yeah...

Guy: (While wrapping his arms around her) Let's make an impression.

PT-Phoebe: Not now. I wanna expand my, um, mind...

Guy: You do?

PT-Phoebe: Nah. These old things are just pretty, that's all. They make me think about things that seem like they're real, but they're not 'cause I'm not a grown-up.

Guy: ...? Where'd that come from??

PT-Phoebe: Huh? Hey, are you making fun of me?

Guy: No way. It's just that I've never seen this side of you before today. 

PT-Phoebe: What do you mean?

Guy: Nothing. Don't worry about it; It's not important.

PT-Phoebe: Tell me. Have I been acting weird? it  it all the singing I was doing on the way here?

Guy: (Chuckles) No. Listen, I was warned that Mrs. R. may be after me today. 

PT-Phoebe: The principal?

Guy: Yeah. I think she finally lost it and decided to try and take me down before I graduate 8th grade.

PT-Phoebe: If she is looking, she won't find us here.

Guy: But if she finds you cutting school, she'll crucify you 'til you graduate.

PT-Phoebe: Let the bitch try, I'll be ready for her.

Guy: You don't have to go out on a limb for me.

PT-Phoebe: Honey, I LIVE on the limb.

Guy: Let's go. I got a surprise for you.

PT-Phoebe: Cool.

[Time lapse. Parade: JB dedicates this song to his number one baby.]

JB: This is for my Phoebe, and my cousin!  

(Cut to Phoebe behind him)

PT-Phoebe: WHOOO!!! Thank you, JB! (Dances)

(Cut to the crowd)

Young girl: OH MY GOD! (SCREAMS)  B-GIRL FOREVER! (faints) 

Middle-aged man: (Bawls) I miss him so much! 

(Pulls out a pic of JB's cousin)

Middle-aged man (Cont'd): Good times...

JB: (Singing along to ist ist and Shout") "Well shake it up baby now." 

PT-Phoebe: (While twisting) "Shake it up baby"

JB: "Twist and shout."

PT-Phoebe: "Twist and shout."

JB: "Come on, come on, baby now."

PT-Phoebe: "Come on baby!"

(Several girls and old men playing hookie, cheer)

JB: "Come on and work it all out."

PT-Phoebe: (Back-up) "Work it all out."

JB: "You know you look so good."

PT-Phoebe: "Look so good"

JB: "You know you got me going now"

PT-Phoebe: "Got me going"

JB: "Just like i knew you would"

PT-Phoebe: "Knew you would."

JB: Well shake it up ba-- (Music continues without him)

(JB spots Mrs. R and her pack of school counselors make their way through the crowd in his and Phoebe's direction)

PT-Phoebe: "Shake it up baby"

JB: Phoebe! 

PT-Phoebe: Huh-wha??

(Mrs. R spots them and orders her pack of school counselors to catch them)

JB: Oops!! C'mon Phoebe!

PT-Phoebe: Whoo! It's HER!

(JB and Phoebe hop off the float, and on the the school counselors grabs JB)

JB: Let go!!

Counselor 1: We've got you! You're going to spend the rest of the 8th grade hearing career advice from career-less old people! Ha-ha-ha!

PT-Phoebe: Noooooooo!

(She kicks the counselor, freeing JB. Phoebe grabs JB and they both escape)

Mrs. R: (Growls) Bueller!!!

(JB and Phoebe ride off on his dirtbike into the uptown sunset)

Counselor 2: To the PTA office vehicle!!

Mrs. R: Move, people!

[Baker High hallway. Prue and Andy cut a class to discuss what happened between her and Heather]

T-Andy: Yeah I heard about it, too. But--

T-Prue: What really pisses me off, is that she could be so callous about it. Then I realized she was talking about status and being off the radar. How could I think she was being literal? (Sighs deeply)

T-Andy: Don't let it get to you. You're leaving them, remember?

T-Prue: I didn't confirm anything yet.

T-Andy: I just assumed. Uh, you are leaving them, right?

T-Prue: I guess... 

T-Andy: What about the prom? Do you still want to go?

T-Prue: No, actually, I don't. I can't stomach seeing Terry get burned like that.

T-Andy: Have you tried telling her?

T-Prue: I'm not ready for 'suicide,' Andy. (Rolls eyes) 

T-Andy: You know, I should mention that I think you should stop using those terms in vain. Some people might hear, and think you guys are being literal.

T-Prue: If I did that, I'd -really- be a grown-up.

T-Andy: What's wrong with that?

T-Prue: The fact that we're still in high school.

T-Andy: (Shrugs shoulders) Then, screw it. Let's get naked and do it right here--right now.

T-Prue: Literal, much?

T-Andy: (Sarcasm) Yeah, when I said "naked" I meant baring our souls to each other mentally, not actually stripping nude.

T-Prue: That's too bad. I kinda wanted to bone away in the bushes with nature.

T-Andy: Wha?! Really??

T-Prue: (Shrugs) Not now. It passed.

T-Andy: (Sighs) You're so cruel.

T-Prue: Aw, if only I wasn't such a bitch.

Heather: You hear that, Brenda? She's still a "bitch."

Brenda: A "bitch" that wants out.

T-Prue: What the hell?!

Heather: Hello, Andrew.  

T-Andy: Heather. Feel free to drop 'dead' anytime now.

Brenda: Oooooh! 

Heather: Impressive. We'll see how you feel tomorrow morning.

T-Prue: I told you before: Don't talk to him like that.

Heather: What's wrong, Prudence? Am I insulting your crime-fighting vibrator?

T-Andy: (Snaps) Hey!

T-Prue: You know what, Heather? (Walks up to her Heather's face, cavalierly) Why don't you sit on my dick and spin?

Heather: (Her eyes widen) Kiss it all good-bye, Prue. You're dead.

T-Prue: You could never take away the things I care about most. But, have fun. 

Brenda: Kick her ass, Heather!

Heather: No. She's beneath the people beneath me. Say hi to Kelly for me, Prue.

(Prue slaps the shit out of Heather)

Heather: (Covers her cheek) OH!!

(Heather rubs her cheek in embarrassment, but stands tall and returns the favor. Prue catches it, holding Heather's hand tight.)

Heather: You haven't seen the last of me, Prue. Next we meet, it'll be war.

Brenda: (Hoots) That's right!

T-Prue: Go ahead. Make my day.

Heather: And so we shall.

(The bell rings. Heather and Brenda walk away to their next class.)

T-Andy: Aren't you glad you'll be graduating?

T-Prue: Not really.

T-Andy: Uh, okay, I'll stop trying so hard.

T-Prue: We better get going.
 
T-Andy: See you later, then.

[Time lapse. Girls locker room after P.E. Heather is in the shower, and Brenda is at her locker. They are the only two left.]

Brenda: Heather, you won't believe what I have planned for tonight!

Heather: What do you mean tonight? Did you already forget about Teeny?

Brenda: Uh-oh.

Heather: Whatever will I do with you?

Brenda: I swear it won't steal your thunder.

Heather: That's not the point.

(A girl from outside the locker room calls for Brenda)

Brenda: I gotta go. See you at the prom, Heather.

Heather: Ugh.

(Shortly after, Heather grabs her towel and heads for her locker. She opens her locker, but for some reason it's empty.)

Heather (Cont'd): Who the cunt!

(She hears a sounds coming from the gym door.)

Heather (Cont'd): How very juvenile, Prue. I thought you were better than this.

(No answer)

Heather (Cont'd): Hello?

(She walks toward the gym doors, and finds her clothing lying in a trail through the doors and into the gym. She cautiously investigates.)

Heather (Cont'd): Heh. (Whispers faintly) You wish.

(She stops and heads around the corner to doors on the other side. A sound echoes from her right. As she turns, she catches some writing on the wall in blood. It reads)

"You are, cunt."

Heather: (Laughs sarcastically) Bravo, Prue. Did you cut yourself for the ink?

(From behind the figure appears and slams an unclosed locker door)

Heather (Cont'd): ...Lemme guess, you must be...death?

(The figure pulls out a sharp blade)

Heather (Cont'd): (Calmly, with a smirk) I see. So you thought you'd enter my presence and we'd have a good knife fuckfest? What were you whoring last night, your sanity? Take your disease-infested brain and get the hell out of here before I kill you. 

(The figure becomes more enflammed than ever, and finally attacks)

Heather (Cont'd): So be it.

(She dodges its attack, carefully paying attention not to slip and fall down. The figure begins slashing repeatedly in an almost blind rage. Heather in nothing but a towel and slippers runs into the gym, and makes her way towards the exit into the hallway. It's locked.)

Heather (Cont'd): Nice.

(The figure strikes and hits the door instead of her. She runs for the gym room office, enters and finds no one inside. She catches a glimpse of a bat lying behind the desk and grabs it. The figure hovers in, she swings it at the figure just as it swings its blade at her. The impact causes the blade to get jammed inside the bat.)

Heather (Cont'd): Death, why are you stabbing my dick?

(The figure makes a sound that resembles a roar. Heather grabs a small metal flag pole from the desk)

Heather (Cont'd): Give the devil my love!

(She stabs the figure in the head with the flag pole. The figure laughs as an electrical current surges through the pole into her and fries her like Kentucky fried turkey.)

(Moments later, the figure leaves the room and closes the door. The view then turns towards the wall, showing another message by the figure, reading...)

"Give it yourself, bitch."

[Time lapse. The Prom. Brenda enters the building with a random male date. A few girls run up to Brenda.]

Girl: Brenda! Dylan and Kelly are here together!

Brenda: (Faking) What?! They are??

Girl 2: Yeah! They were dancing near the stage, but left a little while ago.

Brenda: Where'd they go?

Girl 2: I don't know. Maybe they went to makeout somewhere.

Brenda: Is that right?

Girl 3: Who's that girl!

Brenda: What?

(Terry walks in looking like a super model movie star. Several of her peers are in awe. The guys start dropping their dates.)

Guy: Terry, you look beautiful! You must've had a growth spurt in all the right places!

Guy 2: Will you dance with me?

Guy 3: No, dance with ME!

Guy 2: Hey, shut the hell up! She's gonna dance with me!

Guy 4: Oh, Terry please let me kiss your hand!

Terry: Later, guys.

Brenda: T-Teeny?!

(Terry walks up to Brenda)

Terry: Hi, Brenda. 

(Terry walks away)

Brenda: ...!

(Terry walks over to the stage. Several girls are whispering about how much they love her and want to be just like her.)

Terry: (To the girls) Thanks for the compliments! You love me, you really love me!

Male Teacher: Remember that F? Well, consider it changed!

Terry: Oooohh! You're so sweet! 

(Brenda leaves in disgust to search for Dylan and Kelly)

Female Teacher: Look at that whore...

Female Teacher 2: Who did she screw to get all that attention?

(Terry hears them magically, and whispers a spell)

Female Teacher 2 (Cont'd): I wonder if--

(Both are stripped of their outer clothing) 

Female Teacher: Oh my GOD!!

(Female Teacher 2 screams)

Terry: Hee-hee.

(Both female Teachers run away)

[Suddenly, Phoebe and JB crash the prom while trying to evade Mrs. R. and her counselors. In the background you can hear the sound system playing "(I've Had) The Time of My Life"]

(PT-Phoebe dodges Counselor 1 and he crashes into the crowd of seniors. Counselor 2 gets in front of Phoebe and positions herself ready to tackle her target. She charges Phoebe) 

PT-Phoebe: I don't think so! 

(Phoebe gets fired up and makes Bruce Lee proud)

Counselor 2: (On the ground) AAAHH!!! My uterus! You little bitch!

(JB is surrounded by Mrs. R, and Counselor 3)

Mrs. R: When I get my hands on you!

JB: What's wrong, Mrs. R? The Mister not giving you that sugar? Hate living in his shadow? Need your own Bueller to stalk?

Mrs. R: WHAT?!!

Counselor 3: Don't listen to him, mast...er, I mean principal! 

(Phoebe shouts at JB from the stage)

PT-Phoebe: Jason, hurry! Remember that movie we snuck into? It's song is playing right now! I'm finally ready to try it!! 

JB: (Smiles confidently) Here I come!

(The other two injured Counselors join Counselor 3 and the principal)

Mrs. R: Get him now!

Color lor 1: As you wish!

Counselor 2: With pleasure!

Counselor 3: Charge!

(Phoebe stands ready at the front of the stage, worried, she sings along to ready herself)

PT-Phoebe: (Quietly aimed at JB) "Now I've... had... the time of my life." "No I never felt this way this before."

(Background music): "Never felt this way"

PT-Phoebe: "It's so true..."

(Background music): "And I owe it all to you!"

(Phoebe runs to JB, she jumps, he picks her up and while holding her, begins to spin around holding Phoebe tightly. Her legs rise high up, Mrs. R's crew charges them, but JB holds Phoebe, while she uses their momentum to add some umph to her kicks.)

Mrs. R: Look out!

(Phoebe's spinning twin-leg combo decks Counselor 1 and 2 almost simultaneously, knocking them down hard and unconscious.)

Counselor 3: You won't get me so easily!

(Counselor 3 tries to dodge by laying low)

JB: Phoebe!

(While still being spun, Phoebe swings each of her legs alternately high and low, which successfully strikes Counselor 3 down)

PT-Phoebe: Slow down, Jason; I'm getting dizzy.

(JB slows down and Phoebe pauses to regain her balance)

Mrs. R: Ha! Now I've got you! The next karate kid can't help you now!

JB: Oh yeah? Well guess what?

Mrs. R: (Laughs) What?

JB: (Makes the peace sign) My fanbase is about to check in and take over the prom!

Mrs R: Ha ha! Nice try!

JB: Look, they're here!

(He points behirs. rs. R, and she looks)

Mrs. R: No one is there!

JB: Psych!

(He grabs Phoebe and they both make a run for it out one of the gym exits)

Mrs. R: Grrraagh!!!

[At the Park, Prue and Andy are sitting on a bench dressed up for the prom]

T-Andy: We don't have to go. We could just do something to make the night our own.

T-Prue: I know. It's just that--that... Well, if this were graduation, I'd be fine with it. But this isn't. I have to see those two on monday morning, and helping Tee-I mean Terry is something I should do.

T-Andy: It's all in your court.

T-Prue: It always is.

(A beat)

T-Andy: If you want me to make a decison for you -- I won't. 

T-Prue: (Sighs) Something keeps telling me that we're not supposed to go. But you know what? To hell with that! Let's go.

T-Andy: Then we better hurry.

(B.H. School Hallway. Brenda is searching for Dylan and Kelly. She eventually reaches a point where all you can hear is the bass from the music at the prom. She sees a light on in one of the classrooms. She opens the unlocked door.)

Brenda: Well, well, look at what we have he--aaAAAAHH!!!

(The figure is there placing Dylan and Kelly's heads next to Heather's, Donna's, David's, and Missy's heads. It hears Brenda's scream and quickly turns around)

Brenda: Dylan!

(The figure pulls out its blade and charges her)

da (da (Cont'd): NOO!!

(She runs out the door and slams it shut. The figure opens it and chases after her down the hall.)

Brenda (Cont'd): SOMEBODY HELP!

(She makes her way all the way back to the prom entrance and runs inside. The figure quits its pursuit)

[Outside, near downtown. Piper walks down the street, and stops at a house. She rings the doorbell. Kim's mother answers.]

Kim's mother: Piper? What are you doing here?

T-Piper: Umm... I... I don't know how to say this.

Kim's mr: Hr: Have you seen Kimmy?

T-Piper: ...Kim, she-- 

(The phone rings inside the house)

Kim's mother: Wait here, Piper, Let me get that.

T-Piper: Oh god. Wait. Wait a minute, this can't be real. Kim didn't die... But if the past changes-- 

(Piper notices a familiar male voice from behind her. She recognizes the voice instantly, but for that reason she is afraid to turn around. The male begins walking away. Piper decides to follow him.) 

(Time lapse. Piper follows the guy to a pretty, yet old house. Piper hides while he rings the doorbell. Shortly after, someone answers and lets him inside. Piper immediately peeks inside through the front window. She looks at the woman inside, and recognizes her also.)

T-Piper: ...No, this isn't real. 

(From outside, you can faintly hear "Unchained Melody" playing in the background)

T-Piper: That music......

(Slowly the view moves from Piper's point of view through the window towards the two inside. Piper feels the urge to barge in, but decides to leave quickly instead)

[Back at Baker High - Hallway. Phoebe and JB make their way down the hall towards the side exit outside, but it's locked. JB eyes the stairs, and they head over to it]

PT-Phoebe: We can go up and around the other side and use the main anceance -- that one is open.

JB: Wait... did you hear that?

PT-Phoebe: Hear what?

JB: It sounded like... a hover board.

PT-Phoebe: What's that?

JB: It's--

Mrs. R: A-HA!

JB: Damn!

Mrs. R: Now I've got you, Bueller! And you're pretty little dog, too. (Cackles) AAACKK!!!

(Phoebe screams, while JB looks on in shock as Mrs. R's head is split open by an emergency fire axe.)

PT-Phoebe: What is that thing?!

(The black wild flame-like figure removes the axe and points at the two of them, and immitates a decapitating sound effect, then two thumps)

JB: Good grief!! It looks like a dirty-ass blanket on fire!

(The figure gives JB the finger, then readies to strike JB, but Phoebe intervenes by kicking the axe out of it's flaming hands, and tries to kick the figure itself. An electric bolt shocks Phoebe, knocking her down a bit.)

PT-Phoebe: No! My body! I've--I've--

JB: Phoebe! You've fallen, and can't get up!?

PT-Phoebe: No!

(The figure picks up the axe, and readies again to strike them, when suddenly, the Counselors appear to assist Mrs. R.)

Counselor 1: (Upon seeing her split head) Mrs. Rooney!? NOO!!!
 
Counselor 2: Oh the humanity!!

Counselor 3: (Puking) N-O! 

(The figure gets flared up, and charges them with its axe)

JB: Now's our chance, Phoebe.

(Phoebe and JB head for the stairs leading to the second floor, but stop in their tracks when one of the Counselors' heads flies in the air across their faces, followed by a few limbs.)

JB and PT-Phoebe: WWAAAAHH!!

(They decide to  an  an alternate route that leads them to the boiler room staircase. They run down quickly, ignoring all the thuds, slices, and screams upstairs until they finally reach the boiler room door.)

PT-Phoebe: It's locked!!

JB: No way! This can't be!

PT-Phoebe: Wait, I'll try to kick it open.

JB: It's too strong for that!

(Phoebe kicks with all mig might, but it fails)

PT-Phoebe: I'll never give up, or I ain't a Charmed One! HI-YA!! (Kicks again)

JB: What did you say, Phoebe??

PT-Phoebe: Don't break my concentration, Jason,

JB: Well, whatever that was, it better help you break that door open because that flying piece of tar-shit is hovering down to us right now!!!

PT-Phoebe: (To self) Never surrender, Phoebe! (Kicks the door) Take it over the top! (Kicks it again) You've got an eye of the tiger, and legsa tea terminator! (Kicks and kicks) You are Phoebe: The Strongest Woman in the WORLD!! HIII--EEEEE--YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

(The door cracks near the lock a bit) 

PT-Phoebe: Ouch-ouch, my toes! My toes!

(JB rams himself into the door over and over)

JB: It's no use, we're gonna die!

PT-Phoebe: No we can't!

(The figure closes in)

JB: Help me with the door, Phoebe!

PT-Phoebe: Look!

JB: Huh?

(The figure becomes distorted and shrinks until it disappears)

JB: It's... gone???

PT-Phoebe: I...

[Outside the school. Prue and Andy arrive]

T-Prue: Hurry!

(Inside the prom, Brenda is hysterical. She grabs the first person she sees; a girl.)

Brenda: Oh god! Something tried to kill me!!

Girl: Huh?

Brenda: Heather and-- (Breathes heavily) Dylan are DEAD!!

Girl: I'm busy watching Terry dance, go away!

Brenda: WHAT!

(She tries for one of the teachers)

Male Teacher: Sorry, but as long as Terry's okay, I don't care.

Brenda: What is wrong with you stupid ass people!!

(Terry takes the stage and calls for everyone's attention)

Terry: Hello everyone! I love you all so much! As a matter of fact, I came here JUST to show my love. (Smiles)

Brenda: (Shouts)  HELLO! PEOPLE ARE DEAD!!!

Girl: Shut up, Brenda! Stop acting so jealous of Terry!

Guy: Yeah! Don't ruin my buzz!

Terry: Settle down everyone! We don't need another thing to disrupt our wonderful prom. As for you, Brenda-- you're going to love my gift to the senior class!

(Everyone but Brenda cheers)

T-Prue: Is that Terry?!

T-Andy: Whoa! It looks like her taller, beautiful sister... if she had one.

Brenda: Prue!

T-Prue: What?

Brenda: Heather is dead!

T-Prue: Yeah right.

Brenda: I'm serious! Something out there killed her and bunch of other people! It almost got me too, but I got in here just in time!

T-Prue: Whatever.BrenBrenda: Prue!!

T-Andy: Take a hike, Brenda. Yitchitches got what you deserved.

Brenda: I'm serious! People are dead!

(Justin taps Prue's shoulder)

Justin: Prue?

T-Prue: Justin?

Justin: Yeah. Um, I was wondering if I could speak to you out in the hallway?

T-Prue: Alright.

T-Andy: What's going on?

T-Prue: I'll be right back.

(They step out into to the hallway)

Justin: Prue, I just wanted to tell you that I'm okay with us not ever dating. And I think that as long as Andrew treats you right, you have my blessing.

T-Prue: (Smiles) Thanks. I really appreciate that. And I promise that we'll be friends from now on.

Justin: That's... great. 

(Prue gives him a hug)

T-Prue: Now let's get back in there and have some fun!

Justin: Actually, I have to check on something first.

T-Prue: Okay. Hurry back.

Justin: ...

(Prue heads back to the prom. Justin starts walking away)

T-Andy: Prue, what happened?

T-Prue: Nothing. Oh, wait, I forgot to tell him something. I'll be right back.

T-Andy: I'll go with you.

(Prue hurries back out to the hallway. She sees Justin a distance away turning into the staircase. Both her and Andy follow. Justin stops in front of all the blood and body parts of the counselors and Mrs. R. split head)

Justin: What the--

(He ignores it and makes his way to the boiloom.oom. Phoebe and JB see him and run upstairs)

PT-Phoebe: Is it gone?

Justin: Is what gone?

JB: Tar-man!

Justin: I guess...? 

JB: You guess?!

Justin: Oh, um, right! You guys go and call the police!

PT-Phoebe: Okay!

(Phoebe and JB leave)

(Justin walks downstairs to the boiler room door, pulls out a set of janitors keys and opens the lock. He walks a bit, stops and kneels down next to a small timer for a bomb and sets it for five minutes.)

(In the hallway, Phoebe and JB run into Prue and Andy)

T-Prue: Phoebe! What are you doing here?

PT-Phoebe: Something killed people! It looked like some kind of ghost or demon!

T-Prue: Demon?!

T-Andy: So Brenda was actually talking about-- Wait, did you just say demon??

T-Prue: This can't be... Phoebe, where's Justin? He just went the way you came out of.

PT-Phoebe: You mean that guy? He told us to call the police.

T-Prue: If there's something killing people, I have to save him!

T-Andy: No, you take your sister and get out of here. I'll find this guy and follow you later.

T-Prue: Like hell am I going to let you die again!

T-Andy: What did you say?

T-Prue: Uh... Um, Nothing.

(Prue runs ahead without them after Justin)

T-Andy: Prue! Phoebe, you get out of here!

PT-Phoebe: I'm not leaving my sister to fight that demon-thing alone!

(Prue notices the bloody footsteps of Justin's head all the way down to the boiler room door. She heads down, and tries to open the door.)

T-Prue: Justin!! What are you doing in there!

(Justin opens the door, grabs Prue, and locks it again)

T-Andy: Prue! Son of bitch!

PT-Phoebe: What's goin' on?

T-Andy: That guy just locked Prue inside with him!

(Andy tries to ram the door open)

PT-Phoebe: That won't work; It's too strong!

T-Andy: Go and get something that'll help!

PT-Phoebe: Okay!

(Cut to the bomb timer)

-2:20-

(Beep)

-2:19-

(Beep)

-2:18-

(Beep)

(Inside the boiler room)

Justin: Welcome, Prue. 

T-Prue: What the hell is going on! 

Justin: What do you think! I loveu, Pu, Prue! (Sobs) You never even gave me the chance to prove myself!

T-Prue: Why is there a bomb here?!

Justin: To blow up the place, duh!

T-Prue: Why?

Justin: Because the one person that I loved, didn't love me.

T-Prue: Stop crying! Look at what you're about to do!

Justin: If this is the part where you try to talk some sense into me, you can forget it. We're all going to die, and there's nothing you can do about it.

T-Prue: Justin, I... love you.

Justin: (Snaps) What did I just say! There's nothing you can say or do. It's over. I don't love you anymore.

T-Prue: Maybe this'll change your mind?

(She grabs him and kisses him. He drops his guard and she knees him between the legs, and runs to the bomb to try and stop it.)

~On the top left of the scre

 

 [Piper arrives looking for Prue, but isn't allowed in because she doesn't have a ticket. She's trying to convince them it's an emergency. 

~On the top right of the screen~

[Phoebe and JB are searching for something to break the door down. Phoebe points at the axe on the bloody floor]

~On the bottom left of the screen~

[Andy is still trying to break the door open]

~On the bottom right~

[Prue looks at the bomb, not knowing what to do. Justin grabs her again and tosses her away from it.]

(Back at the prom, Terry is about to make an another announcement)

Terry: It's time everyone! I've brought my fellow seniors a gift to show how much I love all of you, and to return all the love you showed me these past four years!

(Audience cheers)

Terry (Cont'd): Ready, everyone?

(Audience cheers some more)

Terry (Cont'd): O---kay!

(She raises her arms and chants)

(Back at the boiler room)

T-Prue: Don't do this, Justin! If you have to kill anyone, kill me! I'm the one who made you feel this way!

Justin: ... ... You don't even have a clue of what it's like going through the motions, just hoping for something to save you from the neverending nothing.

T-Prue: I do have a clue. You just... 

(Outside the prom entrance)

T-Piper: You don't understand, I NEED to see my sister! It's an emergency! Now, let me in!!

Girl: I'm sorry, but I can't.

(Cut back to Prue's POV)

T-Prue: Wait... this... this isn't right. I don't--this isn't the way it happened.

(Outside the boiler room door)

T-Andy: PRUE! I can't get through!

PT-Phoebe: Andy!

(She hands him the blood-stained axe the figure used)

T-Andy: Stand back, Phoebe!

(Cut back to Prue's POV)

Justin: What are you talking about?

T-Prue: You didn't do this. Things are different. Somehow. 

(Back at the prom, Teeny finishes chanting)

Teeny: Enjoy everyone! 

(Near the ceiling, a dark, brownish cloud-like liquid forms over the entire room)

(Cut back to Prue's POV)

T-Prue: ...I remember...

(Andy breaks through the door)

T-Andy: Prue!!

PT-Phoebe: Prue!!!

(The bomb timer)

-0:03-

(Beep)

(At the prom, the cloud-like liquid falls on the entire senior class except for Terry. It's blood, and everyone is covered in it. Terry laughs viciously at them.)

-0:02-

(Beep)

(Annocknocks Justin out with the axe and grabs Prue)

T-Andy: WE GOTTA GET OUT OF HERE!!

-0:01-

(Beep)

T-Prue: No, it's okay. Everything's fine.

-0:00-

(The bomb goes off tearing its way through the entire building; crashing the prom and setting everyone a-bloody-blaze; blasting forward and hitting Piper near the entrance and knocking her in the air out the door. The flames burn bright and hard.)

~A bright light flashes~

(A voice echoes in the light)

"Piper!! Piper, can you hear me?!"

(You can hear Piper mumble a bit. The same voice echoes again)

"Piper!! Please come back to me!!"

(The bright light fades, Piper jumps up.)

Piper: OH GOD WHAT HAPPENED?!

(She notices that she is lying on her bed, and Leo is next to her)

Leo: Piper?

Piper: L-e-o? (She looks all around her) I'm back! Back to my time!

Leo: What do you mean?

Piper: Something happened, and we were all in the past -- my sisters, I mean. I thought I was dead just a second ago.

Leo: So it's really you?

Piper: Of course it is. Why do you ask? Wait, was I asleep this WHOLE time??

Leo: Not... exactly.

(A woman walks in with Prue and Phoebe)

Piper: Who are they?

Leo: Well that woman is--

Prue: Piper-- bad news.

Phoebe: Very, very bad.

Piper: What are you talking about?

Leo: Piper... UhYou You and your sisters... were physically hijacked.

Piper: Huh?

Woman: Your bodies were stolen while you three were lost, and used to kill over ten of the most powerful witches in the world.

Prue: Piper, "we," as in the real "we," were sent to an alternate reality of our past so that our bodies could be hosts for some 'spirits' so they could carry out some type of mission.

Piper: Oh please! You can't be--

(Everyone is serious)

Piper t'dt'd): Seri...ous...


~To Be Continued~
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Charmed of the Fauxy
