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Nocturnal	By : dragonfall Category: 1 through F > Firefly Views: 9315 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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She was dancing.

There was laughter all around her, music shimmered in the dark. The sound of booted feet flying over hard packed dirt as bodies were lifted into the air. Hands were on her waist and she found herself floating high for an instant before gravity reasserted itself and pulled her towards the earth. Another pair of hands grabbed her from the ether, set her gently on the ground. No complicated shuffle of feet here; precise placement of arms and feet to structured rhythms. Only movement and joy, the kind that came from knowing the heart still beats. Thoughts spilled past her, through her; too many to count, too fast. There and gone so that she was herself carried on the breeze.

Celebration. To observe with ceremonies of respect, festivity, or rejoicing.

There were other times behind her eyes. Times of fancy dresses and too-tight shoes; going to bed before the fun really began but slipping down the stairs to watch anyway. Mother and Father joking with men and women whose smiles didn't reach their eyes over glasses of wine. Foods she couldn't eat without breaking out in hives (shellfish was death, but they insisted on lobster and crab at their functions) dripped opaque and cold in memory.

Hands intruded, burst through the fog and she was happy again, seeing with her eyes. She was thrown higher; muscle mass and momentum carrying her farther until she was brought laughing to the ground. They were celebrating on Ganymede, drunk on the cup-bearer's wine and success. Serenity sat empty, old life no longer filled with new, hold open and waiting for her young to return. The stars were overhead now, eclipsed by bonfire and electric light. On Earth-that-was harvest was a time of celebration, of thanks to the gods of old for its bounty. Ganymede couldn't grow many things; youthful like its name but barren in all but a few places, so harvest came from the sky instead.

There was a body across from her, another young woman who twirled as she did. River followed, flowed, drifted in and out. She knew this. No other memory intruded on this, threatened to swallow her whole and twist her words.

For the moment, she simply was.

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It was times like this that made Mal happy he'd bought Serenity.

Flying in the Black was well and good, the only time he felt free. The problem was free didn't mean happy, and the Black could suck at a man's soul like nothing else. Sometimes a person needed more than just being, just surviving. Planet-side with people actually happy to see them, a mug of beer, good music and better food made that sucking feeling fade to the background.

Zoe and Wash were wrapped up in each other a few feet away, all smiles and hands. A good job always made the woman more amenable, better to get along with and more easily convinced to try something a little less legal, a little more stupid. Inara had disappeared off to one of her clients before they landed with the promise of being back sometime before dawn. Jayne had scooted off with a pretty red-head more than an hour ago, and Mal hoped they made it off this rock before he had an irate father to deal with. River was flying over the dance floor, all smiles and happiness as she spun.

"She's a right fine dancer, isn't she?"

Mal half-turned towards Book. "That she is, preacher." She was in the air again, face turned towards the sky. Looking at River now, it was hard to imagine she was half a barrel short on brains. "Haven't seen her laugh like that in a while."

Book settled on the bench next to Mal. "Are you sure it's safe for them to be out like this?� He gestured to the crowded dance floor and packed tables. �I mean, it's hardly the Rim."

"But it ain't the Core, either. Alliance presence is restricted to the big cities on Ganymede," Mal countered. By rights, Simon and River should be locked up tight in Serenity. But he couldn't order it this time, not when the girl had asked for a day out. She'd actually made sense when she did, though it looked like she'd run a mile afterwards, what with her heaving and twitching. "They're all right. I told 'em they was gonna be Peter and Iris for the day, two workers we picked up on Whitefall."

Mal's eyes darted to Simon. Kaylee had him hemmed up good, trying to show him how to dance. The doctor had two left feet though, if the way his mechanic was looking was any indication. "Those two 'oughta stop dancin' 'round each other and get it over with." He didn't like shipboard romances as a rule, but it couldn't be any more painful that watching them tip-toe around the thing.

Book's eyes tracked his. "That young man's wound up too tight to have a care for anyone but his sister. He's smart enough to realize that."

"And too stupid to let the girl go."

The Shepard laughed. "I don't think anything he'd say could put Kaylee off, captain. Girl's in love. Haven't you ever been in love?"

It was said good-naturedly, and Mal had just enough liquor in him to answer with partial truthfulness. "Stepped in it a few times, preacher. Dipped a toe here and there. Never managed to fall in. You?"

"More times than I'd like to remember, or would ever want to forget." Book's tone was wistful.

As the two watched Kaylee gave up on her instructions and dragged the doctor to the middle of the fray. Simon looked cornered, the mechanic determined, and after a few tense seconds they began moving with the rest of the group.

"Looks like Kaylee managed to get her dance after all, sir," Zoe laughed.

"Wouldn't rightly call it dancin', Zoe," Mal observed. Kaylee was dragging Simon around the dance floor, though the doc looked to be having a good enough time. "Why don't you and Wash take a turn?"

Zoe smiled, but Wash's expression of contentment turned to one of panic. "Oh, no," he said with a look that took in his wife and the captain. "I'm what they call choreographically challenged." He turned to his wife. "Remember what happened on Jargas? The broken toes, the screaming..."

"Hey, I miss anythin'?"

The group turned. Jayne was standing behind them, shirt untucked, with the smile of someone who'd just got sexed. "I won't have ta explain to some merchant why his daughter's been ruined, will I?" Mal asked.

The mercenary snorted. "Girl was ruined long afore I got there," Jayne grinned.

Mal wasn't convinced. "Let's just hope he's aware of that fact, or this might turn into a weddin' celebration before too long."

That wiped the grin off Jayne's face. "That ain't funny Mal."

"I don't know," Wash piped in thoughtfully. "Seeing our Jayne finally make an honest woman out of some lucky girl-"

"I'll make an honest woman outta you you don't shut it," Jayne hissed.

Wash looked shocked. "But you haven't even taken me out! But, if you'd rather skip the preliminaries and get right down to-"

"Enough, Wash," Zoe interrupted. "You're scaring Jayne."

Mal had to admit, Jayne was starting to look a little green.

A whoop came up from the dance floor. Mal noticed they weren't tossing the women around anymore, just up. Kaylee was lost somewhere in the crowd, but Simon and River were hovering on the edge of the dance floor.

"They look happy don't they, sir?" Zoe mused.

"That they do, Zoe."

Another round of tossing women skyward and the dance was over. River bounced up and down, clapping like a little girl before she threw her arms around Simon's neck and kissed him.

Not a sisterly kiss, either.

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Being someone else hadn't been as hard as he'd thought. Tonight he was just Peter. He wasn't a doctor, no one tried to ask him medical advice or kidnap him, both pluses in his book. He could just...be... in a way he hadn't for longer than he cared to remember. River had embraced the chance to be someone else with a fervor and completeness that was startling. Gone was the crisp, upper-class accent; replaced by the twang common on most Rim worlds. Her mannerisms were more like Kaylee's; slapping shoulders and touching arms while she talked, laughing out loud in a way their mother would have choked to hear. For the hour they'd attended the party she acted like nothing was wrong. Like the atrocities done by the government were nothing but a nightmare.

Simon clapped along with the others when the danced finished, more for relief that it was over than because of actual enjoyment. Dancing was his sister's forte, not his, despite hours spent in training. A waltz he could do, so long as his partner didn't mind him counting under his breath or glancing down at his feet. Anything else threatened to send both him and his partner either crashing into another couple or to the floor, whichever came first.

He'd just finished clapping, and looked down at River when it happened. One minute he was about to ask if she wanted something to drink, the next she had her arms around him, kissing him for all she was worth. For a moment he stood there, stunned, as her tongue snuck into his mouth. Then reason reasserted itself and he pulled back, ripping her arms away and holding her at arm's length. She smiled at him, tried to move closer, so he tightened his grip.

"River, no."

Her smile faded, the light in her eyes dimmed. She looked confused at his rejection, hurt. Simon felt something inside him twist. "Mei mei?" he whispered, the words lost in the noise around them.

"A feeling of sorrow or remorse for a fault, or act," River muttered as she pulled at his hands. "Emotions that should stay in the night where they belong."

Simon's hands fell open and River bolted, bare feet flying as she ran towards Serenity. He stared after her, unsure of what to do.

A hand clapped his shoulder. "Should go after her, son," A large, burly man advised with a nod towards River's retreating form. Walter, Simon filled in mentally, one of the men who'd taken an interest in River. "Girl like that's a find worth keepin', you ask me."

"She is," Simon answered without thinking, and then blushed at the insinuation. "I... I mean..."

"Is Iris okay?" Kaylee asked as she trotted up.

He almost asked "who", when he remembered. "I..." He looked to Kaylee, at a loss for words. "I think I should go make sure she's all right," he managed to ground out.

"Okay," Kaylee glanced around. "I'll come with you."

"No-" Simon shook his head. "I'd better go alone, in case she's in a throwing mood." The man next to him laughed, but Kaylee nodded. River could decide to throw one of the couch pillows, or a chair, depending on how she felt.

"Wildcat, eh?" Walter laughed. "Best make sure to duck 'fore you go walkin' in there." He turned to Kaylee. The music for another reel was starting up. "I do believe I haven't had a chance to dance with you yet, missy." He offered his arm.

Kaylee looked torn, and Simon smiled. "Go on, Kaylee, we'll be fine."

As Simon started back to the ship he felt eyes on him. He turned to find not just Mal, but Zoe, Wash, Jayne, and Book all staring at him with the same expression: muted shock.

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She'd forgotten.

River tore away the Iris-mask, ripped it to pieces that fluttered behind her as she ran. It was so easy to pretend for her, to be someone else from somewhen else. Iris was Iris, a flower from Whitefall who hadn't had her leaves cut off, who had roots named Peter and Serenity and lived with other flowers in the Black. Iris laughed, danced; was a girl who heard with her ears and walked on her feet.

River wasn't any of those things.

She'd forgotten she was broken shards, not a whole or even a half. Just little bits strewn about by careless hands that ran into each other. River flowed, traveled without knowing the where and why because she wasn't the bank and only the bank knew the way to the sea. River had her Simon, who heard when she trickled and roared. Who used needles and serums to break down the dams, even the current.

He'd danced with her, holding her between ground and sky. Simon who never danced unless she teased him, who stood still when she floated around him; offering a hand or arm when she bent and twirled. Tonight he smiled because she smiled. Her Simon was happy, so she was happy and the world went away so she kissed him. They weren't brother and sister then, just Peter and Iris, two masks touching and being.

Then he pushed her away, the world became reality and River remembered. Not Peter or Iris but Simon and River who were supposed to be good little children. His eyes were open, not closed. There was light not darkness and they weren't lost in the Black. He saw, not Inara or Kaylee or Zoe but River and kissing River was wrong.

She could hear the others, shipmates and friends watching with guilty fascination, wondering what would happen next, thoughts separate but the same that dropped into her like pebbles; a jury waiting to deliver the verdict. So she ran to Serenity who never asked, never judged. Serenity who held, sheltered; whose engines sang songs to the stars.

River tucked herself into a hiding place; a spot between the cargo hold's inner walls and the ceiling, thin enough for her to lie in but invisible from the floor. Careless little River. The big bad wolf had a big piece now, all he had to do was rub it against the others and a fire would light the way. She had to throw him off again, harder this time, so the sparks wouldn't fall on tinder.

"River?"

She stilled, fingers slipping into her hiding place.

"River?" Simon said her name again, like she wasn't in trouble. "I want to talk to you. I know you can hear me, mei mei."

She could drop down, she knew. She could hold him and kiss him and he would let her, because he loved her when no one else was near. But she stayed where she was.

Simon sighed. She knew he was looking behind him, making sure no one had followed. Guilt spiked under her skin, itched like chokeberry bushes in fall. "I'm not mad, mei mei." Feet moved on steel. "You were pretending to be someone else, and got caught up in the illusion. You didn't do anything wrong." Another turn as whispers filled Serenity, clogging her ears. "We can go back to the party if you want."

When she didn�t answer he sighed. "I want to see you in the morning, mei mei." His voice was fading, heading back into the night, to the party with Kaylee and people he could kiss. �Don�t disappear on me again.�

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Nocturnal