The Pregant Superman

Author Notes:

Yeah, this is turning out to be a pretty shameless Crack-fic with a semi-serious storyline. I'm still having fun with it though.

Oh, and the Jimmy Olsen cross-dressing thing is basically a shout out to golden age Jimmy Olsen when he had his own spin-off comic book series. He was always so quirky and weird in that one, where he carried around his own disguise kit all the time. :P

oh, and he also had a tendency to cross-dress too on three to five separate occasions... http://www.tgfa.org/comics/jimmy_olsen/jimmy_olsen.htm



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Clark hummed happily as he strolled into the daily planet building. This had been the best morning he ever had in a long time!

He and Lex had spent the morning just cuddling and slowly exploring each other's bodies with their hands. It was kind of nice, and he also had to admit it was hot too. It got him in the mood for a quickie before he had to get dressed for work.

He even kind of hoped that he didn't get knocked up the first time around with Lex, so that he could do it all over again...

He blushed slightly at the thought, as he walked up to his own desk, which was right across from Lois's.

Lois raised her eyebrows when she saw the look on clark's face. “ooh, you're unusually peppy today. From the looks of it, you got some really good news or you got laid. Which one is it? Inquiring minds want to know!”

Clark just grinned at her. And then replied. “wouldn't you like to know.”

Lois started to pout. “Come on, I thought we told each other everything..?”

 Clark laughed. “Alright, I was just kidding. If you must know, I finally found a donor.”

Lois's eyes widened at this. “Ohh! About time! So who is it?”

Clark was about to answer her when the phone rang. “Hold on, better answer this. I'll tell you later.”

He bent over to answer the telephone. “Hello, this is the daily planet. Clark here speaking. May I ask whom I am speaking to?”

A familiar voice greeted him on the other end.

“Bruce!” Clark almost yelled the name, not having expected to hear from the bat-boy who had been avoiding him for weeks.

“Oh, you're in metropolis? I must say this is unexpected... alright I'll meet you at the restaurant.”

Clark hung up after he had that short conversation with Bruce, and then turned to see Lois grinning at him. “What's with that look?”

“I see... so it's Bruce, huh? I must say it's a good choice. He's rich, so he would be able to help you out with any finical problems while you raise the kid.”

Clark started to tell her that she was mistaken, that he already had sex with somebody last night... but then stopped. How would Lois react to the fact that Clark were having sex, instead of using artificial insemination like he promised he would use? And to top it off, having sex with the one man that Lois hated the most in all of Metropolis?

She would definitely pitch a fit right here in the bullpen full of other reporters. Cat Grant would doubtlessly have a field day.

So in order to avoid drama, Clark just smiled weakly and said nothing.

Lois's smile took on a whole level of wickedness. She edged closer to Clark, and joked slightly: “You know... if it's Bruce, I wouldn't mind if you had sex with him. Just as long as you took pictures and gave them to me. Or even better, let me join?”

Clark blushed a bright crimson red. “Lois! I can't believe you're talking about that in here!” He then whispered to her: “Besides, why were you never this perverted when we were together? It's not fair that I didn't learn about this side of you until we got divorced.”

Lois just smiled up at him, and raised her eyebrows. “Come on, Smallville. Could you seriously see yourself going for it while we were married?”

Clark shook his head. “Umm... I wouldn't have argued against it if it had been something you really wanted. But I do have a problem of getting emotionally attached to those who I have sex with. I might had ended up falling in love with him the same way I fell in love with you. I never could have sex so casually because of this. So I would have to warn you that it might end up complicating things for this very reason.”

Lois's eyes softened at this. “yeah I know, Smallville. That's why I didn't really suggest it in the first place back then.”

Clark smiled at her.

Cat walked by just then, and couldn't help but comment just how cozy they looked.

“You know, you two have to be the happiest divorced couple on the face of earth. How do you do it?”

“You know there is such a thing as a peaceful mutual breakup, right? For every fighting couple, there's probably one who went their separate ways peacefully.” Clark pointed out.

Lois shook her head at Cat Grant. “besides, we both realized that we were at different stages in life. He actually wants kids right now but I'm just not cut out to be a mother at all. I like kids enough when they're other people's, but they would drive me up the wall if they were mine. Does that satisfy your curiosity?”

Cat frowned. She didn't really seem happy with this explanation, hoping for something a little more juicy than that. “yeah I suppose it does.”

With that, the bored Cat wandered off looking for far more interesting workplace gossip.

Lois and Clark turned around, finally getting back to work.

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“You know, Bruce...” Clark casually remarked, as the two of them sat at the table in the back of the restaurant, “I was starting to think that you never wanted to see me or speak to me again.”

Bruce actually looked a little bit chagrined at this. “I suppose I have to apologize for that. I weren't really fair to you in that regard. Although to be fair here... it's kind of weird. And that birth video your computer sent me, it was disturbing on a whole new level.”

Clark honestly forgot that the AI had actually sent that video along with the other educational stuff about Kryptonian reproduction. No wonder why Bruce had been freaking out!

Clark relaxed. He smiled as he teased, “Oh come on, it wasn't that bad? I thought nothing could unsettle you.”

Bruce raised his eyebrows. “That Kryptonian in the video looked like a gunshot victim! You seriously want to go though something like that?”

Clark just nodded. “I know it looks pretty gruesome, but from what the AI told me all the males tend to survive it after taking a few days to recover. Besides, when you think about it, the births done by women is equally gruesome, right? They just tend to be tidier about it and cover it up. The point is, it's not any more dangerous than it is for women out there. So of course I want to do it.”

Bruce hmmed. “one more thing I just have to ask. Are you sure this isn't some alien biological urge overriding your common sense? I don't want you to regret it all once it's all over.”

Clark smiled. It was kind of nice for Bruce to be so concerned about him, even if he showed it in strange ways.

“Bruce, thank you for worrying but it's not like that at all. I've always wanted a family of my own, one way or the other. Hell, even if I couldn't get pregnant I would still want to have kids. I might had ended up adopting if it turns out that I couldn't breed with humans. One way or the other, I would had done anything to have a happy family.”

He paused. “So really, nothing actually changed expect for the fact that my own biological clock is ticking earlier than expected.”

Bruce sighed. “Alright... I suppose I can agree to be your donor then.”

Clark fidgeted, looking down at his food. “Well... um, about that.... um, you weren't the only one that I asked to be my donor...”

Bruce blinked. “Oh.... who is he?”

Clark fidgeted again. “Promise me that you won't overreact or go threatening him if I tell you who he is. He hasn't done anything to force me into this. After all.”

Bruce narrowed his eyes. “Lex Luthor?? You actually went and asked Luthor?!”

Clark raised his eyebrows. “How the hell did you get Lex out of that response?”

Bruce scoffed. “ Oh please. He's the only person in metropolis who I would have a problem with. Not to mention I've always known that you had a thing for him.”

Clark blushed as he vehemently denied it. “I do not have a thing for him!”

“Right.... so what about all those times when you kept on complaining to me about him? 'Oh, Lex hates me. I can't understand why we can't get along.... he's so brilliant, and I just know he has some good in him. If we worked together instead of fighting, we could do so many wonderful things together...' ” Bruce couldn't help but mimic Superman's voice.

“I don't sound like that! At least I don't think so...” Clark fought the urge to pout.

Bruce just shook his head. “at any rate, I don't think you should take him on as a donor. Who knows what he could be plotting here? I'm willing to do it after all.”

Clark sighed. “It's too late, Bruce. I already did it with him. He laid out his terms for me in return though, and I agreed to them.”

Bruce narrowed his eyes again. “What did you agree to?”

Clark shook his head. “I know what you're thinking and it's not like that. All he wanted was to spend time with Kon-El on a father-son outing. I'm going to be there with him too the whole time, so you can be sure he won't do anything funny.” He wisely chooses to leave the part about sex, knowing how well Bruce would react to that.

“I don't trust him.” Bruce replied, “Don't you find it odd that he wants to be a good father to Kon-El all of a sudden? He's up to something!”

Clark sighed again. “I knew you would say that. Honestly, can't you just trust me to do the right thing here?”

Bruce just shook his head. “No. You're far too naive and too forgiving of others for your own good.”

“Gee, one would think I were 15 years old all over again from the way you're treating me. You're my friend, Bruce, but I don't like it when you act like my father.” Clark remarked, annoyed now.

He then looked down at his half-eaten dish. He had lost his appetite, all of a sudden.

He then got up quickly before Bruce could say anything. “I'm going back to work.” he mumbled out that excuse and left without another word.

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The rest of the day quickly to hell for Clark after his lunch with Bruce. Perry White kept on yelling at him for one reason or the other, and he was forced to go out on some sort of stakeout with Jimmy Olsen.

Jimmy Olsen insisted on wearing some sort of cross-dressing disguise much to Clark's chagrin. Clark sometimes wondered about Jimmy and his weird “hobby” when he did things like that. However, he did have to admit that Jimmy was very good at what he did. Jimmy made a pretty convincing woman to the point that he attracted the attention of men around them instead of blending in.

In fact, “she” caught the eye of the criminals they were supposed to catch in the act, and they started flirting with “her”!

Clark questioned how the hell any criminal could find Jimmy in drag to be attractive at all. But he supposed it was true what they said about beauty being in the eye of the beholder.

Which naturally leads to trouble once the criminals realized that Jimmy was a he instead of a she. So Clark was hard-pressed to find an excuse to disappear, so that superman could appear on the scene and rescue Jimmy.

However he managed to save Jimmy and stop the criminals. He then gently suggested to Jimmy that maybe Jimmy should disguise himself as a homely or ugly person instead of an attractive woman next time he was on a stakeout.

He reappeared as Clark and claimed that he had run off to call the police... but that it was a good thing that superman was in the area too.

And then there was a few fires that he had to help put out.

In all, while this day started out great for him it was just giving him a massive headache now.

He was going to be so relived when this shitty day was over with.

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Lex sighed with relief as he stepped into his penthouse. It had been a long day at work, as he couldn't stop thinking about what happened last night.

He would say this about Clark, he sure knew how to rock Lex's world. He smirked at the thought as he pulled off his shoes and unloosened his tie.

He walked towards his bedroom, intending to go directly to his bathroom so that he could take a nice soak in the tub.

However, he was in for a rude awakening when he was suddenly grabbed by a large black shadow, and then flipped up against the wall.

“Just what do you intend to do with Superman and Superboy?” The voice growled.

It was Batman.

“What the hell are you doing here? If you haven't noticed, this isn't Gotham!” Lex snarled, now angry at this intrusion. How the hell had he gotten into here??

Somebody in security was definitely going to get fired today.

Lex was flipped around again so that he was now face to face with Batman.

“I'll ask you again, what are you planning to do with Superman? I know you agreed to become his donor!” Batman demanded to know.

Lex mentally sighed.

Well, it seems like news traveled fast in certain circles, didn't it? That, or Batman was somehow spying on both Superman and him. Lex hadn't honestly thought about how the Justice League would react to the idea that Lex was more than willing to impregnate Superman.

No doubt they thought he had planned to take superman temporarily out of commission for a while, so that he could launch some sort of diabolical plan to take over the world or something. Actually.... that wasn't a bad idea at all now that he thought about it. Still, it wasn't what he had intended to do in reality originally.

“What Superman and I do is none of your business!” Lex snapped, “And I have my own reasons for agreeing to impregnate him, although not for the reasons you think.”

“Stay away from him,” Batman growled again, “If you know what's good for you.”

“Lex, you here? I brought takeout food for us to share together...” Clark's voice called out in the other room. He must had x-rayed the building and saw Batman, because he appeared suddenly before Lex even had time to call out.

In another blink of the eye he was now across the room away from batman, being held by Clark in what would be considered a protective manner. Clark glared at Batman, asking: “Just what do you think you're doing?”

“Threatening to kill me if I ever go you again. Apparently he somehow found out about us.” Lex answered for Batman.

Clark face-palmed slowly, and then pinched the bridge of his nose as if he had a headache. He heard him mutter something about this being his worst day ever.

“I'm so sorry about that. I told Batman about how you agreed to be my donor this morning. I didn't think he would react like this.” Clark replied, looking like a puppy that had peed on his favorite sofa.

“So that was how he found out. I was starting to think that he found a way to bug my place.” Lex replied.

“Clark, you can't trust him! Before you arrived, he confirmed my suspicions that he had interior motives for giving you his genetic sample!” Batman told Clark, trying to reason with him.

Lex rolled his eyes. “Way to take my words out of context. All I said was that I had my own reasons for agreeing to go along with your plan, Clark, although not for the reasons he thought.”

Clark sighed. “Batman.... even what you were saying was true, it's too late. I already did it with him. I know you agreed to be my donor before but I decided to go with Lex. It's simple as that. Why can't you accept that?”

“What?” Lex and Batman said at the same time, feeling confused but for different reasons.

“Wait a minute... you asked him before you came to me? Gee, and here I thought I was your first choice.” Lex asked.

Oddly enough, he felt a little betrayed at that little revelation. A little voice inside him said: “Of course you weren't his first choice! Why would anybody want you as their first choice, much less Clark?”

Clark turned around to him, and as if reading his thoughts, said this to Lex: “It wasn't like that. You were my very first choice... however I wasn't sure at the time if you would agree. After all... look at all the things that happened between us. I thought you might just want to destroy me instead of impregnating me or something.” Clark looked at him with those large puppy eyes of his. “You were one of the few men that I always felt the closest to... and the only other man I ever felt close enough to confide in was Batman. That's why I asked him first, before going to you.”

Lex had to admit that made a good amount of sense as well. After all, they had been playing at being enemies for years now... warring with each other over the shattered remains of what was once their friendship. It was no wonder why Clark thought that Lex might not even agree to it in the first place. It was just as well that it turned out that Lex didn't hate Clark as much as Clark thought he did.

Lex looked over at Batman, who were staring at the two of them.

He just never thought that Batman would become a part of their ongoing drama. It seemed as if Batman had taken Lex's old place as Clark's best friend and confidant in the years that Clark and Lex had “grown apart”.

Strangely enough, he felt a pang of jealousy at the thought.

However Batman's actions here suddenly made more sense. Batman had been angling to take Lex's old place in Clark's life... and most likely had the same feelings for Clark that Lex did. Batman saw Lex as a threat, since how Clark clearly still had some lingering feelings of affection for him.

Lex mentally smirked, his competitive spirit slowly starting to awaken. So that was how it was. A new challenger had arrived. There was no way that he would lose to Batman. Clark was his, and nobody else's!

Lex moved closer to Clark, and plastered his body against Clark's in what was a very intimate manner.

“It's okay, Clark. I would have done the same thing in your shoes.” Lex murmured in a comforting tone. He looked over at Batman, who looked slightly shocked at his blatant display of affection and ownership.

He smirked at batman maliciously.

Oh yeah, Batman was going down so hard if he seriously thought he could take Clark away from Lex. Whenever they were enemies or lovers, Clark and Lex was always destined to be drawn to one other. And there was nothing that Batman could do to change that.

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End of the chapter. Please Review, lords and ladies! ^_^