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Falling Apart	By : cowgirl65 Category: 1 through F > The Big Valley Views: 1167 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
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Stockton’s sheriff fixed his hat firmly on his head, strode across the street and into the building with the sign “Jarrod Barkley, Attorney at Law” hanging in front. He’d seen the lawyer go in only a few minutes ago and was determined to corner him.
Dave didn’t bother knocking; he went straight in and closed the door firmly behind him.
“Jarrod.”
He didn’t miss the flicker of panic on Jarrod’s face and a deep uneasiness came over him. He’d seen that look before, in the war, on the faces of men who’d endured too much.
“I’m busy, Dave.” Jarrod bent his head back to the papers on his desk.
But Dave wasn’t deterred. He took off his hat and walked up to the desk. “Heard a rumour around town you’re leaving for Sacramento, gonna run for state senate.” He’d hid his shock when Billy told him that Jarrod was planning to turn over to his practice to an associate and move to Sacramento. Jarrod had always said he was a lawyer, not a politician, and Dave did his best not to feel betrayed that Jarrod hadn’t discussed it with him. Add to that the fact Jarrod had been avoiding him ever since he’d returned from San Francisco and Dave had finally resolved to find out why.
“Heard right.”
Dave waited for more, but when it didn’t come, he lost it. “Dammit, Jarrod, when the devil were you gonna tell me?” He saw Jarrod’s fingers clench around the pen he was holding and regretted his outburst. Something was wrong; he could see it in Jarrod’s posture and on his face. “Talk to me, Jarrod,” he pleaded softly. “Don’t shut me out like this, or at least tell me what’s going on.”
Jarrod took a ragged breath and the rigid set of his shoulders made Dave fight off the urge to gather him into his arms and tell him it would be all right. “It would be bad enough if someone found out about us now,” he stated bluntly. Jarrod looked in Dave’s direction, but not directly at him. “For a man in public office, it would be suicide.” When Jarrod finally looked him in the eye, Dave saw only icy coldness. “I’m sorry, Dave, I just can’t have you in my life anymore.”
The world stood still when Jarrod uttered those words. Dave wanted to scream, to yell, to grab Jarrod by the shoulders and shake some sense into him. But all he felt was a paralyzing numbness at the thought of losing the one person other than his son he loved enough to die for. But if he loved Jarrod enough to die for him, he loved him enough to respect his wishes, at least until he had a chance to think things through and come up with a plan.
“Well, then.” Dave replaced his hat on his head. “Good luck, Jarrod.”
He left the office, headed for the jail and then stopped. Changing direction, he headed for the livery instead.

*
Jarrod didn’t bother to use one of the whiskey glasses; he just filled a tumbler with the strong liquor and tossed it back. Slumping back in his chair, Jarrod buried his head in his hands and couldn’t stop the harsh sobs from wracking his body. What did he have to live for anymore? He’d purposely driven Dave away. He couldn’t stay in Stockton and that meant giving up the constant presence and love of his family. All he had to look forward to were the cold marble halls of government, assuming he was even elected, and the constant sniping and backbiting that came with them. He knew enough to understand that politics were a cruel and unforgiving mistress. He wouldn’t even be able to go back to a place like that house in San Francisco for release; that would be even more certainly committing political suicide.
Jarrod the top drawer of his desk and contemplated the pistol inside. All he had to do was take it out, cock the hammer and squeeze the trigger. He’d considered ending the pain that way more than once, when his father died and again when Beth was murdered. He sighed and firmly closed the drawer. There was no way he could do that to Dave or his family. Better that he should suffer alone than be the cause of so much grief. Instead, he uncorked the bottle again. It wasn’t as permanent, but at least the pain would be gone for a while.

*

Dave rode up to the Barkley ranch with the hope Heath would be around so he could ask Jarrod’s brother if he knew the reason Jarrod was acting like he was. The look in Jarrod’s eyes scared him more than he’d ever been afraid of anything. It brought back memories of the war and, more specifically, one man who never made it out. Dave prayed he could find help to keep Jarrod from the same fate.
But it wasn’t Heath he found ducking his head under the pump, it was Nick. The two men had a wary truce but Dave knew Nick was uncomfortable with the relationship he had with Nick’s brother. The lawman was pretty sure Nick only tolerated him for Jarrod’s sake and would rejoice that Jarrod had ended the relationship. He had half a mind to ride out when the rancher spotted him.
“Dave,” Nick greeted warily. “What brings the sheriff out this way?”
Dismounting, Dave hooked his fingers in his gunbelt. “Not an official visit.”
“Well, Jarrod ain’t here, he’s at his office.”
“I know.” Dave wondered if he should ask Nick what was on his mind.
But Nick surprised the lawman when he beat him to it. “I wonder if I could ask you something,” he said as he stared at nothing in particular. “About Jarrod.”
Dave nodded slowly and decided to admit why he’d come. “I rode out here with that in mind.”
Usually the tall rancher avoided eye contact with his brother’s lover and Dave never held it against him. But for the first time Dave could remember, Nick looked him directly in the eyes. “I’m guessing you don’t have any idea what’s eating him either, then. I thought there might be something up with the two of you that has him planning to hightail it to Sacramento.”
“Nope.” Dave tried to find words that wouldn’t make Nick uncomfortable. “Nothing that I can think of.” He decided not to mention Jarrod calling it quits. “He’s been distant, brushing me off. I’ve tried to think of something I’ve done to make him act like that, but if you’ve noticed it too…”
“He’s been more skittish than an unbroken colt,” Nick said bluntly. “I was hoping he’d confided in you.”
Both men stood in silence, at a loss for what to say next. Then Nick spoke up.
“Can you get some time off?” Dave looked at him in surprise as Nick continued. “Jarrod’s always been real private. I reckon if anyone can get him to open up, it’ll be you. Can’t help if no one knows what’s wrong. Maybe if you take him somewhere where the two of you can be alone, maybe it’ll help.” Nick caught Dave’s surprised expression. “I don’t agree with what the two of you do behind closed doors, but I love my brother and I reckon you do too. I want him to be happy and if I have to tie him up and haul his sorry ass up there myself so you can get him alone and get to the bottom of things, that’s what I’ll do.”
“Thanks, Nick,” Dave managed to say. “That means a lot. I’ll take you up on that offer. Maybe if I get him alone, maybe we can figure things out.”
“Tell you what. You be here at daybreak and we’ll both tie him to the saddle if he won’t listen.” Nick stuck out his hand and Dave shook it gratefully.
“You got it, Nick. I know you don’t approve of me being with Jarrod, but I’d do anything for him, I swear it.”
“I know.”
Dave nodded and Nick handed him the reins after he mounted his horse. “See you tomorrow.”
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Falling Apart