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In My Thoughts, Always	By : Amelia_Jade Category: 1 through F > The Big Bang Theory Views: 29330 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: In no way shape, or form do I own anything related to Big Bang Theory. I just play with the characters in naughty, naughty ways.

Chapter List
- 4
- 5
- 6
Scenes taken from Season 4 Episode 21 The Agreement Dissection, but with a few twists. Hahahahahaha!
BEWARE: Leonard bashing. Just a heads up in case any of you are Leonard fans. Though if you are I dont know why you would be reading this. I am just too nice and feel I need to warn you I guess haha!
Italics are flashbacks
Bold is an emphasis
I own nothing.
Last Time on IMTA:
"Now, are we going to discuss last Tuesday or am I going to have to follow you on your 'girls night' to discuss it there. Your choice."
P-POV
Oh no. It's happened.
Sheldon has finally snapped.
I can only look at him in what I have to believe is idiotic shock after his words. With my mouth hanging open and my arms hanging down, I more than likely look like a cartoon character of some sort, and he's just sitting there looking like the cat that caught the canary.
I shift on my three inch stilettos that cost way too much when I had way too little. I wish I was wearing anything other than the dress I am wearing. I feel naked with how he is looking at me and the barely there mini isn't helping. I turn my back so I don't have to see those ice blue eyes sizing me up. He's not sizing me up like how most men size me up, all breasts and ass, but like he was looking at an equation he very badly wanted to solve, taking in every little thing, memorizing every part of me.
It is too intense.
I can't handle this.
He is starting to freak me out, almost frighten me.
I have to stop this.
"I, I don't know what you're talking about Sheldon, but listen..."
"No."
I stop mid-sentence at the confidently spoken word coming from behind me and sounding way closer than it should.
I freeze looking at the fridge and all the photos stuck there with magnets that had cute little sayings on them as I see a very large shadow overtake my own, and I suddenly have a very real sense of foreboding. I jump as I feel large, hot hands settle on my bare shoulders and start rubbing.
"If you insist on feigning ignorance on what I am trying to discuss with you, then I will speak and you will listen."
I stand stiff while he continues to rub a little harder than before. It's a little easier to listen to what he says when I don't have to look into those piercing eyes that see way too much.
"I understand that last Tuesday may seem to be an abrupt paradigm shift in our social interaction to you, but I wanted you to know..."
I understand.
He has been using those words a lot.
I don't know if he really does. I am insanely confused.
He's got his lips right up against my ear and his breathing causes shivers that make my teeth chatter.
"...that I expect you to get used to acts like this from now on, because we will be engaging in them quite frequently."
I turn around quickly hoping to shock him into taking a step back, but it doesn't work. He doesn't drop his hands from my shoulders either.
He is standing there tall and looking at me out of the bottoms of his eyes, and he has never looked taller or made me feel so small, despite the fact that I'm in such tall heels.
I don't know if I like it or not.
Sheldon Cooper is already so much larger than life, it isn't fair that he should be so tall as well.
"What do you mean by that! How did you even touch me last time? Aren't you afraid of getting sick? Germs? Is this a prank? Did Howard put you up to this?"
I fire off the questions as fast as I can and hope that the reminder of germs and getting sick will kick start that big brain back into 'Whack-a-doodle' gear and make him act normal, as normal as Sheldon Cooper could ever be at any rate.
His hands are still rubbing my shoulders and they are so much softer and warmer than I remember. It's getting harder to think about how wrong all of this was.
His eyes soften into a look that I think is how a parent must look at a child that is taking too long to grasp something that should be easy. It's not quite pity but it's close enough to make my hackles rise.
I am also starting to get a little panicked. I am definitely off kilter and it feels like I am balanced on the edge of a cliff, perched, just waiting for a gust of wind to knock me into the churning blue below.
"Penny, you don't understand, but I want to help you to. This is me. I want you to know the real me. I would also appreciate it if you would not believe that Howard Wolowitz could 'put me up' to anything."
There are lengths of my hair resting on my shoulders and he is rubbing them between his fingers like they are pieces of silk or something.
"NO! Sheldon, you're right! I don't understand. You act a certain way for 5 years now and suddenly you're acting some other way! What am I supposed to think? Unless you're possessed by some sort of alien creature or parasite that has control of your brain! Oh God, that's not what's happening is it?"
I try taking a step back to give myself some time to get my head back on straight and he lets me go. I use the term 'lets' because he tenses his hands briefly before sliding them down, trailing his fingertips to my elbows before dropping them back to his sides. It is obvious by the tensing of his hands he could have kept me where I was if he had wanted to.
I shiver.
He sighs as if he is put upon.
"Penny, sit down."
He says it so imperiously that I am reminded of my dad and I want to not do it just because of this fact, but I am so curious that I start moving after a pause. Though, I don't miss the flash of irritation in his eyes as I hesitate.
I start to move some discarded clothes from my armchair, and Sheldon retakes his previous seat on the couch.
There is a minute where we just sit and stare at each other.
I sigh as I acknowledge that I need to get Sheldon to realize that he doesn't know what he's attempting to do here.
He's confused and I need to help him navigate these unknown social waters.
I stand up and start speaking and it sounds very loud in the quietness of my apartment even though I am speaking in my normal tone.
S-POV
This is not going the way I want it to, and that is highly frustrating.
Penny is being stubborn, which is not surprising as I anticipated her surprised reaction, but what is frustrating is how she is treating me.
Like I am a child.
I understand that I can be child-ish, and that I enjoy things that children like.
Action figures, superhero clothing, comic books, costumes, etc.
What is the most frustrating thing is that my enjoyment of these things seems to have put Penny into the mind frame that I am a child, instead of just enjoying childish things. (Though, they indeed are not childish.)
I am a 30 year old genius with an IQ of 187 and two PhDs and a Masters degree.
I had more 'knowledge in my little pinkie', to use the common vernacular, at 15 than most 45 year olds in my field.
It's about time that I help Penny realize this and to get her to stop treating me like a toddler.
She's so lovely in that purple dress. Emerald green eyes flashing as she gets more and more worked up in her rant.
She looks so much like Shelly did on that day.
Purple dress
Though that is where the similarities end on that front side, as Shelly never showed that much skin.
Not that I am complaining.
Unfettered blonde hair
Shiny black shoes
She's now going on about how I don't know what I am doing. That I am confused on how to display physical affection, so I am defaulting to sexual paradigms. She doesn't say it exactly like that, as she uses fewer syllables and speaks slower. I believe that she thinks that by speaking more slowly I will understand her better.
Oh, Penny.
Sitting here looking at her fidget in nervousness and watching the red flush from her face slowly creep further down was fascinating. She is getting more and more worked up and that is not helping that flush to stop.
I sit here and listen to what she has to say, because after she is finished I also have things to say that she will listen to.
The only difference is that what I say will have merit and be right.
Now she is going on about our differences and if I let her get started on this we'll be here all night.
I hate to interrupt her as I hate being interrupted, but at this point it is a necessary action.
P-POV
Look at him sitting there in his Flash t-shirt, blue thermal undershirt and blue and grey plaid pants.
He's so innocent, and I let him know that I don't blame him for last Tuesday at all. I know he didn't mean it the way it could have been taken and I want him to know that I understand what he was attempting to say with his actions.
He is my friend and he is Sheldon Cooper.
While I am recently feeling a strange sexual attraction to 'Dr. Whack-a-doodle', I know that there can never be anything between us.
I value our special friendship too much to allow anything to come between that.
He just needs to understand this.
I am probably his only real female friend ever and he doesn't really understand how to interact with a female like that. The only women in his life are his mother, Missy, neither of which he is particularly close to, and his Meemaw, who he obviously loves very much but who he doesn't have all that much contact with outside of the letters that I found that one time in his room.
So I understand that in his ignorance of the social interaction between males and females not related to each other he reached out to me.
In a very erotic way, I think with a blush.
I can't tell you how many times I have been laying in bed and thought about that touch slowly creeping up my thigh. Only this time the cleanest hands that have ever touched me do not stop at my upper thigh.
It is all I can do to not look at his hands, resting so innocently on his knees, while he sits on my couch listening to me tell him about how inappropriate his actions were. I have been fantasizing about his hands on every part of my body every night for the last week.
I am such a big hoe bag. A big ol' hypocritical hoe bag.
But he doesn't need to know that.
Standing here getting all worked up like some sort of nagging fishwife.
I look at him and he looks the exact same as when I started speaking.
"Are you even listening, Sheldon?"
"Of course I am listening Penny, and I understand what you think you are saying..."
Oh thank heavens he understands what I am...wait...'think I am saying'?
"But, you are more wrong than you have been since our association has begun."
Hell in a hand basket.
"Wait, Sheldon..." This is my last ditch attempt to make him realize that he doesn't understand what he is doing by going down this route with me.
He knows I am a 'big ol' five' and he most definitely isn't (though I don't know about that anymore). "...What about Leonard?"
I believed that by bringing up his 'best friend' and my ex would give him a road block in his logic.
I don't realize what a mistake this course of action is at the time.
But as they say, 'Hindsight is 20/20.'
I take a step back at the look Sheldon gives me.
He looks like someone just told him he has to share the Nobel Prize or something.
Oh, no.
He stands up and starts to glide toward me. I use the term 'glide' because he's moving so fluidly that his steps aren't even making a noise. As he gets closer and closer I sit back down on the chair I had paced in front of while talking. It's when he puts his hands on the arms of the chair that I take a deep breath, and oh dear that was a mistake. He smells so good, like some strange mixture of soap, paper, and magic marker. I never knew something so odd could smell so good and he's looming over me like some kind of strange brightly colored vulture, just staring at me.
I sink further into the chair and he keeps coming until his forehead touches mine.
I gulp and his eyes follow movement of my throat and it's like the heat in his eyes have evaporated the moisture there because it's suddenly dry. He flickers his eyes back up to mine and I know he's leaning in for a kiss like I know I am going to take my next breath.
He's so close I could lick my lips and have my tongue down his throat.
I want to, I can't lie to myself about something like this, but the dark look that has entered his eyes scares me enough to not try.
Sheldon Cooper, Dr. Whack-a-doodle is scaring me.
"What about Leonard, Penny?"
It's more of a growl than a tone of voice.
*KNOCK KNOCK*
"Bestie! It's Amy and Bernadette! Here for a rousing night of girl talk, pillow fights and inebriation!"
S-POV
I can calculate the odds of almost any situation happening.
It's one of the curses and virtues of being a genius and having an IQ not calculable by known testing. Also a reason I never say anything is 'impossible' just 'improbable'.
But even I know that there is a difference in being able to calculate the odds of something happening and actually having it happen.
I knew her bringing up Leonard was a situation very likely to happen, and why wouldn't it?
He was her 'ex boyfriend' and my 'best friend' in her mind. I really need to put her information straight on that front: she is my best friend and I am hers. I am sure she would like to know this.
Either way, in her mind we all are friends and any 'relationship' between us would alienate Leonard and our other friends.
Who cares?
We do not need them. They need us. They can get over it or leave us alone.
We only need each other anyway.
Another thing I need to educate Penny on.
Just thinking about that time in her life with Leonard and their 'relationship' makes me cringe. Leonard is a worm and not worthy to lick his golden fairy's very fashionable and over priced stiletto heels. Though I am sure he would do so had she only bid him to.
Another reason (as if he needed another one) as to why he was not a good mate for my Penny.
He was weak, submissive, lactose intolerant, and only wants a woman to replace the mother he feels he deserved but never got.
He is genetically inferior, and the opposite of everything I am.
So when she actually says, "Wait, Sheldon..." I can tell you every possibility of what the next part of her sentence is going to be "...What about Leonard?" calculated in at about an 87 percent chance and that's exactly what happened.
But knowing the odds does not help my reaction when it happens.
what about Leonard...
about Leonard...
Leonard...
Blacking out is a frightening experience. Not to say it has not happened to me before in times of great emotional and physical stress, or anger, but the next thing I know I am looking over Penny who is sunken down into her chair with me pressed against her forehead staring into her dilated eyes.
"What about Leonard, Penny?"
Fright and excitement pour off of her like an exotic perfume.
She knows she doesn't need to be scared of me for her own safety, but by the look in her eyes, she is.
This makes me sad.
I would never hurt my fairy. My humanity in this torturous, humiliating, ignorant world.
She is everything to me.
Everything good in this reality is looking me right in the eyes—frightened.
I won't stand for that.
*KNOCK KNOCK*
"Bestie! It's Amy and Bernadette! Here for a rousing night of girl talk, pillow fights and inebriation!"
I stand up and take a step backwards allowing Penny to stand up. We are less than two inches away from each other and she goes to step around me to answer her door.
I stop her with a hand on her shoulder.
She is so soft and warm under my hands. I never want to stop touching her. This is in great contradiction to what I feel when I touch anybody else. Then I just feel as if I can't get clean enough, but with Penny it is as if once is never enough.
She looks up at me, that frightened look gone and I sigh in relief, but I still need to say this.
"Penny, I just want you to know that no matter what you do or say to me, I would never intentionally physically hurt you. Please believe me. I care for you, and you know me better than anybody. You know I would never hurt you. Please say you believe me."
Penny sighs and says, "Yes Sheldon. I believe you..."
I can't help but sigh in relief.
"...but you are really starting to worry me with how you're acting. You're my friend and I care about that friendship greatly."
"Penny, you have company so there is no way we can get into this as deeply as I would like to right now, but will you promise me that you will listen to me? We can discuss this and move forward?"
I am not entirely certain she understands what I mean by 'move forward' when she nods to me that she agrees to talking later. I mean 'move forward' in our beginning the new relationship I plan on starting between us. I am sure she interpreted my 'move forward' to mean that we would get passed what happened this evening and last Tuesday and go back to being friends.
I will not correct her if it means I will get her agreement to be alone with me again in the near future. If the content of this alone time is not exactly what she is expecting then all the better as to catch her off guard. Catching her off kilter will ensure a more profitable conversation for me as she will not have a good defense against us being together.
She moves passed me after I let go of her shoulder to answer the door.
Looking at Penny in that dress and her flushed countenance, I suddenly had the thought that she is going out with her friends, one of which I do not know.
To dance.
With other men.
I narrow my eyes at her back.
Unacceptable.
*KNOCK KNOCK*
"Penny? It's Bernadette, are you there?"
-I KNOW! I am sorry! I am on my way through chapter 6 already. I halved chapter 5 because I felt like this was a good stopping point and my head was starting to hurt. I will post chapter 6 VERY soon though. I am already half finished with it, don't worry lol.
10 pages is where I had to stop. Sorry!
- 4
- 5
- 6
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In My Thoughts, Always