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You Can't Fight a Tidal Wave	By : madradena Category: Star Trek > The Next Generation Views: 1693 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own ST:TNG nor Dreamland, nor the characters from either. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

Chapter List
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The Captain was still a bit uneasy about talking to Data about what they had discussed with Beverly at breakfast. Though he always tried to give useful advice to his android friend, he only ever did so, if Data actually asked for it. However, in the last two months, his second officer had seemingly nothing to talk about with him - nor did he, as the Captain knew, with anybody else from among his close friends. Still it just didn't feel right to interfere with Data's personal life or to make him talk about something he knew the android had no wish to talk about.
However, when he accidentally overheard Data's discussion with a Lieutenant Hobs, who was due to be in charge of Beta shift that day, he knew he had to talk to his friend. It was clear from the discussion that Data was willing to take up the Lieutenant's shift as well that day which meant the android would again lead three shifts in a row.
"Mr. Hobs," the Captain stepped next to them at the Science Console "very sorry to interfere with your personal schedule, but I would like to ask you to keep to the duty roster and not to ask for a substitution just before your shift would start." The younger man tried to put in that they would just swap shifts, and that it was a life-and-death matter to him to have his evening off, it was clear that the discussion was over. The Captain looked at his second officer "Mr. Data, could I have a word with you." it was not a question.
Data was confused by the Captain's reprimanding voice but followed him into his ready room nonetheless. Once inside, Captain Picard seemed to soften up. He went to the replicator unit and ordered his usual Earl Gray, while motioning for Data to take a seat on the couch. After a moment, he sat next to him nursing his cup.
"What do you wish to talk about, sir?" Data asked confused as it seemed the Captain just didn't want to start the very discussion he had asked for.
The Captain let out a long breath and looked into his eyes: "You know exactly what, Data." he said patiently. As the android continued to look at him confused, he went on "Look. I don't want to interfere with your personal life - as your commanding officer I would only have the right, if your personal issues interfered with your performance on duty. But as they do not, I am telling you this as a friend. Don't overexert yourself. Don't take up more shifts than it is necessary. Take time to relax, to socialize with your friends. Several of them came to me to ask me to talk to you about ...well about the personal issues you are facing ever since we left Earth's orbit..."
Data watched his Captain with his usual unreadable expression, while inside he felt infuriated the moment Picard uttered 'personal issues'. The Captain had no right to criticize his way of leading his life! He also had clearly indicated previously that he had no desire to discuss what had transpired during his abduction beyond what he had already stated in his official reports. The Captain - to use a colloquialism - was way out of his league in starting this conversation.
He suddenly interrupted Picard out of character: "Sir. To what personal issues are you referring to? I am not aware of any issues concerning myself, Sir." he stated still confused and a little curtly.
"Data, do we really have to do this?" Picard asked frowning impatiently, and when his friend just raised his eyebrows in anticipation "Yes, it seems we do have to." he breathed nodding then he went on "Data. You shut your friends out. You don't talk to anybody. You avoid Geordi and Counsellor Troi - and don't deny that you do!"
"As I am taking up more shifts than usual, I am sure it would seem to them that I do, but actually it is just a matter of scheduling, Sir."
"Data..." the Captain's frown deepened "I have never known you to tell a lie." he told him on a low voice stunned even by the thought. And yet...
Data was no less shocked: "With all due respect, Sir, I am not telling a lie, Sir." he replied with a hint of offence in his voice. Then went on to at least try to explain "I sincerely feel that ...that I do need to put a certain distance between the life I used to live and the life I live now. I feel I need to focus on priorities other than I used to focus on, Sir."
"Other priorities." the Captain repeated on a doubtful voice.
"Yes, sir." Data nodded.
"Like your carrier? This is why you are taking up more shifts? You would like to take the Commander exam? Is that it?" asked the Captain, but he would have sworn on his fish that this would be just another excuse.
"Well... no, Sir. I still have no ambition to advance my carrier, if it is not required of me." Data admitted - though he knew it would have been easier to let the Captain think what he had guessed. But he just could not tell an outright lie. Not to Picard.
"Then why, Data? Why do you seclude yourself?" the Captain pushed on.
Data gazed away brooding on the question for a moment longer "So far..." he started slowly "I have attempted to emulate the life of a social human being as most humans have the desire to be surrounded by other humans as a main characteristic of their personalities. By having friends and taking up activities which required a certain amount of social skills, I attempted to emulate a social kind of behaviour that would suit such a personality. However, of late, I have found that solitude suited my current set of mind a lot better than being social, Sir. Therefore, I decided to make an attempt on emulating what is called an introverted personality by avoiding social interactions. Sir."
Picard watched him and felt he had to make a conscious effort not to shout at him to stop telling him this gobbledygook. However after a moment, a thought struck him. Data did believe what he had just told him. It was not that he did not face his problem. He didn't even connect his desire for solitude to his abduction as it was! Dear God, why did it have to be him, who had to open his eyes? Deanna would have been a lot better choice to do this. Or at least to do this in the right way. But here he was, he had to tell him something.
"Data." he started slowly and looked straight into the android's eyes. "Turning yourself into an hermit and shutting your friends out, will not make your unpleasant memories go away." he told him gently.
Data shook his head quickly searching through his memory files: "I do not recall ever telling you anything about any unpleasant memories, Sir." he finally told the Captain, but Picard shook his head.
"I know you don't want to face it. You don't want to face the fact that what you call 'your current set of mind' is in a direct connection with your abduction by the Borg." he told him on a hard voice, and just as Data started to protest, he went on on a much lower voice "Look! I know. I know exactly what she was like! ...I know how... how persuasive she was in order to get what she wanted. I know also how sophisticated she was in her methods. Believe me, I was in your place once! I know how torturous she could have been!"
Data shook his head in firm denial at this: "Sir! As I have indicated in my official report, I was not tortured by the Borg! I have told you. They held me captive, but ...they did not have the means to torture me..." he added softly - and in one single instant all of the memories of his captivity flooded his mind. All his resources were occupied by what he had seen, heard and most importantly felt in those hours. Her breath on his new organic skin, the stress of trying to break free and failing, the excruciating pain on his arm inflicted by a drone - and the feel of her lips on his own...
In 1.07 seconds the memories were gone, and he found himself listening to Captain Picard in his ready room again. But no matter how hard he tried, he was not able to find a memory about the beginning of the Captain's sentence! As if all his systems were thoroughly occupied by that single memory that played over in his head, not letting his brain process anything else in that instant. It filled him with apprehension - how could this have happened?!
"...the skin of your crewmates grafted on you must have been a shocking experience, Data. I suppose it must make you feel..."
However, Data again cut in: "Sir. Please do not consider me immoral or... or unfeeling but... that skin belonged to people who were no longer alive. There was nothing I could have done to save them as they had already been dead, Sir." he concluded logically on a silent voice almost apologetically for not feeling terrible about it.
Picard looked at him for a moment dumbfounded then nodded "Right." he then shrugged "Then again. If it was not the fact that she transformed you, at least in part... what is it then that makes you abandon everything that you used to like in your life?" he asked now really confused.
Data lowered his gaze then shrugged slightly "I find myself asking that question quite frequently as well, Sir... However I did not find any logical answer to it. Yet."
"And any illogical ones, Data?" Picard asked softly.
After a moment Data looked at him: "None that I was able to put into words, Sir." he seemed to wince after a moment "I often find my internal resources generally occupied by the memories of the events of my abduction. And as the change in my social preferences occurred just after that particular event, it is safe to conclude that the two has a connection as you have pointed out, Sir. Although I have not been able to pinpoint what it is exactly... I would surmise that this is the way my positronic brain emulates how a human brain would deal with a memory such as my abduction is."
"Don't you think that Deanna could help you with dealing with those memories?" the Captain asked patiently.
Data nodded "I trust that she would. However, going on a therapeutic session would require me to be able to put the events and my subsequent emotions thereof into words. I however, have found that... I am not yet able to do that, Sir. ...I have read that people who experienced a shocking or depressing event in their lives often need time to completely comprehend the meaning of those events. I suppose that by allowing time to pass on would finally help me in that too." he explained as much as he had already been able to figure out about this whole.
Picard nodded. All of the things the android had just said made very logical sense - of course. Still something was out of place in all of this, but he was just not able to put his finger on what exactly it was. And worse than that, he ran out of questions to ask... He decided to focus on matters more of practical nature.
"Look, Data. I think you could be right in that. Time really can heal. However, you need to understand that by secluding yourself into solitude, away from your friends will not make it easier to deal with any of this."
"How can anything that I do not desire be of any help to me, Sir?" Data asked confused.
"You know... you cannot always be consciously aware of what you actually need, Data. Sometimes one may find that what he needs has not even been in his field of vision until he actually gets it. You have to understand that... every time you push your friends away or you abandon a hobby you liked to do, she would win! And you don't want to make her win, you know that, Data." the Captain drove his point home finally - and as a matter of fact was proud of what he had just said, probably not even Counsellor Troi could have phrased it any better.
However, Data looked at him with a hint of scepticism in his golden eyes: "Sir. You do know that the Borg Queen is dead." he said as if he wanted to make sure that his Captain had not suddenly lost his wits.
Picard grimaced and felt he had just managed to reach the very limits of his skills as a therapist. So much for phrasing the point eloquently enough... He sighed "Of course, Data. I just want to make you understand that you need to see her dead in your own head as well."
Data's posture seemed to stiffen by that, and Picard saw that he had hit a nerve he just didn't quite understand how. "I am perfectly aware of the fact that she is dead, Captain." Data said silently. He saw her face contort in pain as her organic parts dissolved, and he saw the remains of her cybernetic body blinking as long as the Captain had not broken her spine...
The Captain sighed and stood up: "Well..." he stood opposite Data with his back to his desk "The point is that you should not give up your friends and the things you liked to do previously, your very life so to say. No matter how unpleasant those memories are, Data." before the android could reply, he went on on a lighter tone "Speaking of things you liked to do. I hear that Doctor Crusher is preparing a new play. A musical I understand."
Data was surprised for a moment by the change of the subject matter but finally nodded: "Yes, sir. She told me as well."
Picard raised his eyebrows: "I expect taking a role in it would be a big enough challenge for you to divert your attention..." he raised his hand to silence the android's protest "Don't worry. Doctor Crusher is an accomplished singer and dancer - as you know yourself - she will help you with any difficulties you might encounter."
"But, Sir..." Data tried to protest again - he wanted to tell Doctor Crusher in the afternoon that he would definitely not take part in this play, after listening to it. It involved way too much intimacy with a female than he was ready to face... especially so shortly after what had happened between him and the Queen. And yet again, all his mind was filled with all the sensations, all the smells of bodily pleasures, the voices they have made... the way she looked at him through eyes filled with almost mindless desire...
He blinked at Picard almost in desperation, but it seemed the Captain didn't care to notice it. "Beverly was a little worried that you would refuse the part, but I trust you don't want to let her down." he told him with half a smile as he sipped his tea.
Data stared at him for a moment longer then bowed his head: "No, Sir." he whispered.
"Well, that would be all Mr. Data. Looking forward to seeing you in your new play, and I trust I won't be seeing you pulling triple shifts in the near future as you will be too busy rehearsing for it." the Captain added sitting down behind his desk in dismissal. Data stood up slowly - making a note that strangely enough if the Captain displayed this particular behaviour, it worked flawlessly, at least on him it did - as he lingered on brooding, Picard glanced at him briefly "You're dismissed."
"Yes, Sir." Data replied almost on a whisper and left the room. Picard looked at the closed door after him with a worried expression. He did not think he helped with his prying at all - but hoped that his not too elegant albeit efficient half-ordering Data into playing this role would help him get his old life back. If not wholly but at least in part.
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You Can't Fight a Tidal Wave