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Whipped	By : This_is_The_Phantom_Lady Category: S through Z > Sherlock (BBC) > Sherlock (BBC) Views: 3753 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: This contains major triggers for people with issues with self-harm. I do not own or profit on any official BBC Sherlock characters or any other part of BBC Sherlock.

Chapter List
- 49
- 50
With jittery hands she wiped her eyes, careful not to touch her makeup. And suddenly she looked as if she never showed weakness at all.

I offered her a weak smile to acknowledge that her attempt had worked. Something deeply imbedded in me wanted to comfort her.

“I hate him” the spite in her voice was thick.

As if I didn’t know… it had been so clear in that room, that way she treated him.

I nodded. I was wondering what was the correct way to respond. Did one even exist?

“The things he did to her. She couldn’t live with it. She was haunted constantly… it never got better. Until she just couldn’t cope” Miss A.’s lip was quivering. Her fingers were clenching in anger. “The bastard was never convicted. Never punished in the slightest… and she had to pay the ultimate price. And I couldn’t help. I tried, Mira. In countless ways. But it was never enough…” Her blue eyes burned.

I realized now I was holding my breath and that my teeth were dangerously close to breaking through the delicate skin on my lips.

“Mira I’m sorry” she held her breath too “That time I saw you in the alley I saw her… I kept seeing her in your eyes” she explained, putting her hand on my scarred arm. I felt a shot of painful electricity.

That fear of touch was back.

“I thought I had a second chance. I realize I’ve only made it worse for you… I saw what you did in the bathroom…” again, with stating the obvious. I knew that the second I realized I had been restrained again.

She didn’t trust me anymore… And she never would again.

“And I drove you to it…” her eyes sought the sheets between us. “When he asked if you could… I couldn’t resist. That’s what I wanted for her. I wanted her to get the revenge she deserved…” she confessed.

She heaved a loud and painful sigh.

“I will install you in a flat, I’ll make sure you never have to worry about money. And you will never see me again” she refused to look at me as she delivered my sentence.

How could I have been so stupid? Why…

With those words my world ended.

My body cramped and I broke apart. It felt like every atom in my body ripped itself away from the others. I literally felt myself being ripped into shreds.

It really was true. People would always leave me. I would always do some stupid thing that drove them away from me.

That was me.

‘The girl no one wanted.’

“Hey” she cooed and held me close to her again. She leaned my head against her chest; and I heard her heart race.

“You deserve better” she whispered to me.

No I didn’t…

Words failed me. I wanted to scream at her to not leave me. I wanted to beg for another chance. Just one. Please. Just one little chance…

I couldn’t stop crying. The longer she held me, the longer I seemed to wail. It reminded me that soon I was on my own again.

She sighed again and gently let go of me. She undid the shackles on my feet

“I don’t want this… but you need it” she sounded reluctant as she pulled me to my feet.

I think she was struggling to put on her face, the dominatrix face… but she did it out of curtsy to me. One last time.

She carried me all the way to the room where she put me back on my bucking feet. My body was truly falling apart.
She unlocked the door and helped me inside, locking it again from the inside.

My tears were already subsiding slightly.

She sat me down on the bench that man had been chained to. I quickly reminded my panicking mind that she was very keen on cleaning her equipment and the surfaces… it helped, if only slightly.

“I need to teach you a few things. Before I let you go…” she looked at me. “If you acquire another Dominatrix or Dom even” she took a deep breath “I have a feeling you might”

I dried my eyes awkwardly with my bound hands.

I couldn’t even think that far. But what could I do but listen?

“You know this already. Your safe-word is important. The moment it is ignored, is the moment you leave, and don’t look back. Not even once”

I nodded, pretending to take mental notes.

“Don’t let anyone who doesn’t know what they are doing perform sadistic acts”

I nodded again

“Always make sure the implements are intact and in working order”

Once again I gave a nod.

“Aftercare is always required. They must help you calm down after”

Okay…

“When in doubt say no”

I bit the inside of my cheek.

“Understood” I chirped. My voice finally working.

“Okay. I will give you what you need…” she reached for the rattan cane from earlier. I felt my eyes grow. “I will not restrain you however… you are in control this time” she stepped forward and ran the back of her hand lovingly down my cheek.
The look on her face was one of sorrow and even worse… caring.

“Here” she helped me get into a kneeling position, and then on my hands and knees; resting on the padded bench.

“Okay?” she looked into my eyes. I nodded

“Okay” I allowed the first hit. I heard the cane sing the second before it hit my naked skin. It was instant, it was hard and I felt it burn instantly, and then it burned hotter. And hotter.

I cried out. Surprised at how it actually felt. It was nothing like I imagined it. And nothing like her hand… or mother’s.

Somehow I think she wasn’t even using her full strength… and maybe she wasn’t meaning to.

“Again?” she asked. Her voice had a tremor.

“Please” I whimpered. She placed the cane just next to where the previous hit had been; preparing. Taking her air… and… ‘Whack’.

My body stretched. My muscles cramped all at once, unclenched and then got back to being tense. Ready. I closed my eyes.

“Again?” she asked… I replied the same. This time I was gasping it. She repeated the motion, moving the cane just above the last mark… The blackness became a sea of white light as the rattan hit my bottom.

And so it continued until the 10^th. I was crying, but for another reason… and for some reason my cramps now started from between my legs… at that wet, wetness… and my begging was becoming a lot more breathier.

“I can’t” I heard her exclaim and the cane hit the floor behind me.

My free fingers were digging into the leather. I stretched and moved.

No… wait… more.

Not now. Please.

“Mira, you deserve better than this” she whimpered. “Don’t move” she begged me.

She found a cooling gel and applied it to my poor bottom.
I sobbed at the sensation. My nerve-endings were screaming for me.
It was a wildfire ripping through my body. Radiating from my angry cane-stripes.

Not many more words were spoken…

She picked me up and got me back to the room and laid me on the bed; on my stomach. And I was pretty glad to stay in that position.

It prickled and burned… but she did know me well… that pain relaxed me. And I think the mental exhaustion helped as well.

I fell asleep.

…

When I finally woke a dress was waiting, along with a sandwich. Telling me it was lunchtime before I ever looked at the time.

But something else quickly caught my eye. A pink suitcase. And over it my black faux fur coat. And my eyes widened.

I crawled onto my feet, careful not to let anything touch my bum. I rushed to my coat and sank my fingers into the fluff. Now realizing my hands were no longer restricted.

I sighed at the familiar comfort. I chewed on my lip and searched the pockets… I pricked my finger on my rusty friend. Still sharp enough to pierce my skin… I sucked the blood away. Filling my mouth with that metallic taste.
The apple had been replaced with a fresh one and the money was still there.

I brought the coat to my nose, taking a deep sniff; rubbing my cheek on it. Sadly, the cleaning of it had removed that ‘homey’ scent… but it felt just like the day I tried it on in that second-hand shop back home…

Next to the plate was a letter. I opened the envelope; finding a card, a key and a note.

“My dearest Mira.
A cab has been arranged for you at 2. It will take you to your new home. I strongly advise you to stay away from me henceforth.
I have packed a selection of dresses for you and enclosed is a card for an account in your name.
The doctor will tend to your wounds as needed. He will make his first visit tonight.

I wish you all the best, Mira. I truly do. I give you the freedom Jennifer was never granted. Use it wisely.

Your Irene Adler”

And that was it. That was how it ended.

I left the sandwich but I did take the cab that she had ordered. I tried my hardest to not look as awkward as I felt having to sit down.
Luckily the drive was not too long. We stayed in central London.
The cabbie was kind enough to help me with my back all the way to the door…

It was a small flat, but fully furnished. The cupboards, fridge and freezer were fully stocked. I was wanting for nothing.

But the silence was deafening from the moment the door closed behind me.

I felt empty. Hollow even… Rootless.

And it continued for days. I found myself walking past her house every day; even without meaning to… secretly hoping she would be outside, or I’d catch a stolen glimpse at her from one of the windows…

And I feared it too… what would I do if I did? I had screwed this up too badly…

One day two men were knocking on the door as I passed; one of them a young wicker with dark curls… I couldn’t place it, but he felt familiar. He was obviously upset… ringing the door desperately.
After that day I never saw her again… the whole house seemed empty.

I tried to find Macy; after finding a small fortune on that account I thought I could do her some good. I owed her a lot more than I could give her.
But no matter who I asked no one seemed to know her. Those who even wanted to talk to me that is… even if I offered cash for it… like Curly Hair…

And then I knew what I had to do. I couldn’t be more sure. It’s not like anyone would miss me anyway.

…

That night I got everything I needed. As some sacrificial lamb I removed my clothes and neatly arranged them.

I’m not even sure if it was a tribute or a form of blind punishment when I picked up the rusty blade and carved the letter ‘A’ into my chest. A truly scarlet letter… for her.

I even took the pills. Handful after handful and swallowed them down. I went that far.

But not even that could I do right… I threw up all over myself and the new carpet…
I was a mess. Literally.

I grabbed my phone and called the ambulance myself… scrambling to get myself somehow cleaned up and found a dress to slip into; forgetting the bleeding A that stained through the fabric the moment they knocked on my door… and I let them in.

Choosing life. Remembering Miss A.’s words… I chose freedom rather than liberty… in death.

Who knows… maybe one day I might see her again…
- 49
- 50
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