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Beneath a Heart of Darkness	By : OpenPage Category: 1 through F > 21 Jump Street Views: 4657 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own 21JS or the characters. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. All characters and events in this story are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead is coincidental.

Chapter List
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Nine days later
Gray, nimbostratus clouds blanketed the L.A. skyline, the promise of rain becoming more of a threat with each passing hour. The impending storm mirrored the tumultuous thoughts brewing within Tom's mind, adding another layer of substance to his already pensive mood. After countless cups of coffee and only three hours’ sleep, he was on edge, caught in a web of his own making. He wandered in aimless circles around the living room floor, his pinched face showing clear signs of agitation, his heart thumping rapidly in his chest. For the tenth time in less than five minutes, he glanced at the clock, unsure if he wanted his visitor to arrive or not. But despite his apprehension, he knew he needed to face his demons, and a gloomy November day seemed as good an occasion as any. To put off the inevitable was the coward’s way out, and he was done feeling ashamed. He’d come too far over the last few weeks to turn his back on his objective. Booker had moved in permanently five days before, changing the dynamic of his whole existence, and after many late night discussions, he had come to an important decision about his recovery. Despite his trepidation, he knew it was his moment to shine, to prove once and for all he had the courage to fight, no matter how rough the road to freedom might be. Although many might not believe it, Tom Hanson was back, and he was ready to take down the bad guys.
A loud knock stopped him mid-stride, and closing his eyes, he employed his breathing technique, preparing himself for what was to come. When a second tap sounded, he opened his eyes and straightening his shoulders, he walked across the room and opened the door.
The months since Tom’s assault hadn’t been kind to Adam Fuller. The once proud, capable man was a shadow of his former self, and it showed. His dark beard showed flecks of gray, the fine streaks of silver threading through the facial hair aging him prematurely. There was no sign of a smile, just a stony mask etched with deep worry lines staring back at Tom through red-rimmed eyes. He'd lost his spark, and for Tom, it was a confronting sight. For the first time since his rape, the young officer realized how much his ordeal had affected those around him. Immediately, the weight of regret crushed his chest and his eyes clouded over. But he was determined not to buckle under the strain of remorse and mustering all his inner courage, he managed a small smile. “Hey, Coach, thanks for coming.”
The hard lines trenching Fuller’s brow softened, erasing years from his face. “It’s good to see you, Hanson,” he murmured, his gaze taking in Tom’s appearance. “You look… better.”
Embarrassed, Tom ducked his head, the memories of their last meeting filling his mind. At the time, he’d been teetering on the edge of a breakdown, his refusal to reveal what had occurred at the Pi Tau hazing fracturing their relationship. From then on, he’d avoided contact, preferring to relinquish his gun to Penhall rather than to the man who had an uncanny ability to read his thoughts. But all that was in the past. The moment had come to face the captain who had helped mold him into the outstanding police officer he had once been. Fuller’s guidance had been invaluable, and although awkward, Tom knew he owed his friend the apology he deserved.
After closing the door, the young officer motioned Fuller to the couch. Once seated, he cleared his throat in readiness before speaking in a voice trembling with regret. “Cap’n, I just want you to know I never meant—”
“Take a seat, Hanson.”
The command caught Tom off guard, and he instinctively obeyed his superior without questioning his demand. Moving over to the nearest chair, he sat down, his posture stiff and formal. Unsure how to behave, his hands twisted in his lap, his nervous disposition sending ripples of tension throughout the room. He had hoped to give his captain his news without having to face an inquisition, but it appeared he had miscalculated the older man’s intentions. It was self-evident by the look on Fuller’s face he wanted more than just an apology, he wanted answers.
After several long seconds of silent scrutiny, Tom opened his mouth to speak. But once again, Fuller cut him off, this time, his voice lowering to a soft, fatherly tone. “Before we talk, Tom, I need to know how you’re doing.”
Despite his resolve, tears pricked at the young officer’s eyes. He swallowed deeply, his Adam's apple bobbing with suppressed emotion. The tender concern in his captain’s voice was unexpected, the careworn eyes filled with compassion unfamiliar, and yet in his heart, Tom knew it wasn’t contrived. Fuller’s empathy and concern for his young charges went beyond his job description. Without exception, he showed a genuine interest in every officer under his command, his paternal attention perhaps compensating for the absence of a relationship with his son. He was, in essence, the father-figure Tom had lacked from the age of sixteen, and once again, the weight of regret crushed at the young officer’s chest. He’d let his superior down, and although he couldn’t turn back the clock, he could, at the very least, try to make things right.
Drawing in a slow breath of air, he exhaled through pursed lips, his demeanor visibly relaxing. “I’m doing okay, Coach,” he confessed in a soft voice. “It hasn’t been easy, but things are getting better, and now I’m with Booker I—”
Realizing his mistake, he stopped mid-sentence, his face coloring red. He had no idea if Fuller knew about his and Booker’s relationship, and he wasn’t sure how his captain would take the news. Not only was he dating a man, but he was also dating a colleague, and intimate relationships between co-workers were not permitted. Fraternization could see them both facing disciplinary action, but for Booker, the consequences were far more severe. While they had both breached the Oath of Honor by withholding information about the Pi Tau initiation, Booker still had his career ahead of him, and he didn’t need another black mark on his record. Furious with himself for behaving so thoughtlessly, Tom wiped a nervous hand over his mouth, and with his mind in a whirl, he attempted to right his wrong. “Um, I didn’t mean me and Booker are a couple, I just meant—”
“Relax, Hanson,” Fuller assuaged, a strained smile pulling at his lips. “I know about you and Booker, and although I don’t condone two of my officer’s dating, I’m willing to make an exception. But don’t make me regret my decision, okay?”
Without realizing it, Fuller had given Tom the perfect opening and moistening his lips, the nervous officer revealed his news. “Yeah, well, about that… I’ve decided not to come back to Jump Street. I'm handing in my badge.”
Surprise animated Fuller’s features, his structured facade faltering before settling back into its well-worn mask of composure. All that remained was a hint of sadness projecting from his dark eyes, but when he finally spoke, he did so in a strong, steady voice. “If this is because of Booker, you’re making a grave mistake. You’re an outstanding officer, Hanson, and if you’re throwing away your career because you think your romance is more important, I’m here to tell you it isn’t. Relationships don’t always last, especially ones started under duress. Don’t hurry into one of the biggest decisions of your life just to appease Booker. Take some time to weigh up your options. Otherwise, you might live to regret it.”
If anyone else had given Tom the same pep talk, he would have reacted with anger and resentment. But he had the utmost respect for his captain, and therefore, instead of taking offense, he attempted to explain himself.
“Just hear me out, Coach,” he appealed, his dark eyes seeking approval. “This isn’t about Booker, it’s about me. I thought if I buried the memories of my assault, I could forget it ever happened and go on living my life. But it’s not working. It did happen, and unless I do something about it, it’ll happen again. I can’t have that on my conscience... I can’t let someone else go through what I did. So, I’ve decided I’m going to press charges against the Pi Taus. But if I’m going to get through this, I need a fresh start, and the only way I can do that is by quitting the force.”
Although disappointed by Tom’s resolution, Fuller could not fault his logic or his strength of mind. If abandoning his career gave the young officer the peace he so desperately sought, then as a friend, he was determined to support him in whatever path he chose. But before he had a chance to voice his approval, Tom spoke again, his downcast eyes focusing on the tips of his superior’s shoes. “I also want you to know how sorry I am for everything. I let you down, and I hope you can forgive me.”
The lines around Fuller’s eyes softened. “You didn’t let me down. I’m proud of you, son. I’ve always been proud of you, and I know your father would be too.”
The lump in Tom’s throat swelled, and it took several swallows to force it back down. His captain’s validation and praise meant more to him than any award or decoration he may have received if he’d continued his career as a police officer. He was deeply touched by the heartfelt admission and meeting Fuller’s gaze, he expressed his gratitude. “Thanks, Cap’n. That means a lot.”
Never one to show too much emotion, Fuller brushed the appreciation aside by changing the subject. “So, you and Booker? I never would have guessed.”
Tom attempted to disguise his embarrassment behind a low chuckle. “Neither would I,” he admitted. “But it kinda works.”
Fuller acknowledged the statement with a smile. “Booker’s a good man. Just don’t let him boss you around too much, okay?”
Returning an absent nod, Tom attempted to quell the anxiety churning in his stomach. The social part of the visit was over, and although he wasn’t looking forward to it, he knew he had no choice but to get down to the business end of the meeting. “So, I guess I need to make a formal statement about what happened at the fraternity.”
Concern for Tom once again thawed Fuller’s usual prickly countenance. “If it makes you more comfortable, you can do at the Hollenbeck Station,” he suggested quietly.
Even though he knew his captain had viewed the unedited video, the thought of actually giving him a blow-by-blow description filled Tom with a sickening dread. If he took the easy way out, he could speak to an unknown, faceless police officer, and although harrowing, he’d save himself from the humiliation of witnessing Fuller’s reaction. But by extricating himself from a painful and emotional situation, he was also affirming his cowardice, and he wanted to prove to Booker he was better than that. He’d made the decision to speak out about his rape, and by doing so, he hoped his lover would follow suit and lay assault charges against Holland. With the help of Jorge’s testimony, he was certain they had enough evidence to take the Pi Taus and Holland to trial. It was still early days, but if he wanted a result, he knew he would have to face many embarrassing interrogations, and the sooner he got used to it, the easier it would become.
Or so he hoped.
With his mind at least partially liberated by his decision, Tom gave Fuller a slow shake of his head. “If you don’t mind, Coach, I’d rather speak to you.”
A twinkle of pride shone from Fuller’s eyes, but he remained stubbornly stoic. “Well then, Hanson, I guess we’d better get started.”
And so began the most difficult conversation of Tom’s life.
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Beneath a Heart of Darkness