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Beneath a Heart of Darkness	By : OpenPage Category: 1 through F > 21 Jump Street Views: 4657 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own 21JS or the characters. I do not make any money from the writing of this story. All characters and events in this story are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead is coincidental.

Chapter List
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The following day
Rain clouds blanketed the city, the light drizzle falling from the sky doing little to dispel the unwelcoming ambience of the Chapel’s gloomy exterior. From the shelter of his Mustang, Tom stared up at the building through the rain-spattered windshield, tears of nostalgia shimmering in his eyes. He’d spent some of the best years of his life working in a job he loved, with people he adored, and helping keep the streets safe from criminals was just an added bonus. It had always been his dream to follow in his father’s footsteps, and he’d achieved his goal through hard work and dogged determination. But through no fault of his own, his career was now over, and a wistful smile played over his lips. With a stroke of a pen, he had ended it all, the heaviness weighing on his heart a strange mixture of anger, regret, and acceptance. The Pi Taus had not only robbed him of his innocence, but they had also robbed him of his identity, leaving him without purpose. His life had taken a one-hundred-and-eighty-degree turn, and while he had no idea in which direction he was headed, he knew he had little choice but to acknowledge the change and go with it. His mindset had changed, and as much as he wished it wasn’t true, he knew he was no longer capable of functioning as a police officer. His happy-go-lucky nature had manifested into fully-fledged paranoia, he only trusted a handful of people and strangers made him jumpy. Consequently, his carefully honed senses had become dulled, muted to the point of deafness. He viewed everyone with suspicion, especially men, and a cop with that sized chip on his shoulder was a shooting waiting to happen. He’d survived his career without taking another person’s life, and he was astute enough and prudent enough to know when to lay down his gun and walk away.
Taking one last look at the place that had become his second home, he maneuvered the Mustang’s shifter into gear, and pressing his foot on the gas, he pulled out of the parking lot and headed toward his apartment.
**
Christmas Eve
The tip of the balsam fir almost touched the ceiling, each branch bent low with its burden of shiny baubles. The heady scent of pine filled the room, the woody aroma bringing a hint of the outdoors into the small apartment. Booker lay stretched out on the couch, a glass of scotch held in one hand. His docile gaze followed Tom’s every move as the ex-cop adorned the handsome tree with the colorful spheres. An undeniable love shone from his eyes, his expression radiating a contentment that had been missing for the longest time. For the first time in months, there was a calmness about Tom, an overall tranquility that had been lacking since his assault, and although only four days had passed since his resignation, he finally seemed at peace with his decision. For Booker, however, the change was a double-edged sword. While thankful Tom was no longer employed in a dangerous job, he knew he would miss working alongside such an enigmatic character. Hanson was a one-in-a-million partner; sensitive, humorous, intelligent, energetic, he had all the traits of a good cop. However, what stood out most for Booker was what he liked to refer to as his lover’s third eye. Tom saw a glimmer of humanity in even the most hardened of teenage criminals and knowing he was responsible for sending them to juvenile detention had always weighed heavily on his conscience. But all that had changed since his assault, and his welcoming, white-turret castle had become a jaded dungeon of cynicism. He’d lost the altruism that set him apart from so many others on the force, and it was then Booker knew his resignation was for the best. A nervous, paranoid cop was a dangerous cop, and there were enough of those without adding another to the mix.
But the last thing Booker wanted to do was spoil the mood by reflecting on the past and swallowing the last of his drink, he swung his legs over the edge of the couch and sat up. “Looks good.”
Tom turned, a slow, sweet smile tilting his lips. “I know you probably think it’s stupid, but I’ve never had a real Christmas tree before.”
Placing his glass on the coffee table, Booker stood up and approached his lover. “Baby,” he murmured, his arms wrapping around his lover’s narrow waist. “If it makes you happy, I’m happy, even if I spend the next week sweeping up the needles.”
Relieved he wasn’t making a fool of himself, Tom relaxed against Booker’s muscular body, and nuzzling against his neck, he breathed in the familiar scent of his cologne. “Happy enough to wanna fool around?”
Booker’s muscles stiffened. Since Tom’s disastrous attempt at seduction, neither man had felt comfortable initiating sex, leaving them both frustrated and unsure how to proceed. But now Tom had opened the subject up for discussion, there was nowhere to hide. If they didn’t work through their problems, they risked becoming just another statistic on the scrap heap of failed relationships, and after everything they’d endured, it seemed an unfitting ending to such an epic tale. Theirs was a story of resilience in the face of overwhelming adversity, the buried seed of love sprouting through the cracks of their pain, flourishing, arms outstretched toward the healing light of their salvation. They’d weathered the worst storm of their lives, and they’d come through the other side battered but triumphant. United, their mutual respect had blossomed into something more than either of them ever thought possible, a deep, passionate love that ignited their souls. But the horror of Tom’s rape was never far from either of their minds, the ripple effect impacting on their ability to take their relationship to the next level, the uncertainty leaving them both wanting.
“Is that a no?”
The quietly spoken question tugged at Booker’s heart and stepping back, he cupped his lover’s face in his hand. “It’s not a no, Tom,” he explained softly, his dark, affectionate eyes portraying his uncertainty. “It’s an I don’t know.”
Tom’s brows pulled together in irritation, his whiskey-laced pout reminding Booker of a petulant child. “You don’t know if you want to fool around? What the hell is that supposed to mean?”
“It means I want to, but I’m scared.”
The honesty reflected in the answer stunned Tom into silence. But eventually, he found his voice, and staring into Booker’s eyes, he conveyed his confusion. “Scared? Scared of what?”
“Hurting you.”
Again, Tom’s brow puckered into a deep furrow as he struggled to make sense of Booker’s strange confession. “I don’t understand. Hurt me how? I thought we cleared all this up the other day.”
The sag of Booker’s shoulders revealed his inner turmoil, and taking Tom by the hand, he led him over to the couch. Once seated, he spoke his mind. “I’m not talking about emotional hurt, I’m talking about physical hurt. You say you’re ready to have sex, but… I dunno, Tom, what if what they did to you damaged you somehow and when we… I mean, what if I do something and it causes you pain?”
Despite Booker’s rather cryptic rhetoric, understanding dawned in Tom’s eyes. His lover was afraid penetrative sex would somehow aggravate the internal injury he’d suffered when seven men violently raped him without the use of lubrication. It was a turning point in their relationship because it was then Tom knew for certain Booker loved him unconditionally. Sex was a big part of the dark-haired officer’s life, he was an overtly passionate, demonstrative man who enjoyed physical contact. Consequently, since Tom’s body had reawakened after his assault, intimacy had played a large role in their relationship. So, for Booker to be the one to admit he was reluctant to have sex was a revelation. Tom’s confidence had taken a beating after his rape, and he had always believed he was letting his partner down by not giving of himself completely. But in reality that wasn’t the case. Neither man had felt secure enough to take the next step and knowing this gave Tom the self-assurance to take charge and make it happen.
With a reassuring smile, the ex-cop took Booker’s hand in both of his and held it up to his chest, the warmth of his fingers radiating through the dark-haired officer’s flesh. “I love you for caring so much, but I’m o-kay. The doctors at the hospital assured me there’s no permanent damage, and it’s been three months, so everything should have healed by now. I know you’re scared, I am too, but I want this, Dennis, I really want this. I’ve lost so much… my dignity, my job, even my friends treat me differently. But you stood by me, hell, you even put your own life in danger to make me happy. That’s no small thing, and I don’t know how I’ll ever repay you. You’re my everything, and I want you to understand this isn’t just a fling for me. I love you more than I’ve ever loved anyone and I want to start the new chapter of my life with you. But the only way I can do that is to let go of the fear and move forward, and I want you to do the same, okay? I want us to be a proper couple, and that way, whatever happens in court, we’ve still won because we’ll have each other.”
The poignant words hung in the air like a rain cloud, their meaning slowly pitter-pattering through Booker’s mind like a shower sprinkling from a summer sky. His baby was finally healing, giving promise of a happy future, and placing a hand behind Tom’s neck, he pulled him in for a kiss. “I love you too, baby,” he murmured against the soft flesh of his lover’s lips. “And I want this as much as you do. So, if you want to...”
Tom grinned. “If I want to?” he teased, his tongue lightly caressing the fullness of Booker’s seductive pout. “Weren’t you listening? Of course I—shit!”
Mourning the abrupt loss of contact, Booker sat back, his sulky expression pushing out his lower lip. “You’re not bailing on me are you, Tommy?”
Regret animated Tom’s features, one corner of his mouth curling into an apologetic smile. “We’re supposed to meet the others at the bowling alley in an hour.”
Disappointment shone in Booker’s eyes. If they’d had plans with anyone else, he would have suggested they blow it off and get right to the good stuff. But he recognized the importance of the gathering. Having barely socialized for the last three months, it was a relief to see Tom excited at the thought of spending time with his Jump Street friends. To the casual observer, the informal gathering was no big deal, but for Tom, it was another small step toward a normal life, and one the dark-haired officer hoped would boost his lover’s confidence. Tom had isolated himself for too long and knowing he now felt comfortable enough to leave the sanctuary of their home was cause for celebration. His friendship with Penhall was back on track, and Fuller, Ioki, and Hoffs were taking the time to reconnect after a noticeable absence. The fractures in his world were finally starting to realign, the jagged edges slowly coming together to form a cohesive and safe environment, and although Booker still had issues with each of the Jump Street officers, he hoped one day, they would forgive his past transgressions and accept him as Tom’s partner. It would take time, but time was not their enemy. They had the rest of their lives to prove to the skeptics they were meant to be together, and if they still failed, they would accept the right to an opinion and move forward with a nod and a smile.
“Rain check?” Tom suggested, his fingers brushing a stray strand of hair from his lover’s face.
Booker’s lower lip pushed into a faux pout. “You owe me big time, Hanson.”
“That’s the plan,” Tom replied with a laugh, one eyebrow waggling theatrically.
A frustrated groan escaped from between Booker’s lips. “You’re killing me.”
Smiling, Tom stood up, his hand lightly tapping his lover’s leg. “C’mon, we need to get ready.”
With an exaggerated sigh, Booker pushed himself off the couch and followed Tom into the bedroom.
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Beneath a Heart of Darkness