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Tha Birds an tha Bees an' All That Othah Good Shit	By : Scribe Category: S through Z > Xena Views: 2608 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Xena, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Tha Birds, an' Tha Bees, an' All That Othah Good Shit

Month 6: Nobody Evah Told Me I Was Gonna Leak!

"Ow!"

"Shit, hon, I'm sorry!" Cupid leaned down an' kissed tha nipple he'd just tweaked. "I didn't think I was being that rough."

"Ya weren't." I held his head close as he gave me an apologetic lick. "Mmm, that's nice. Ya weren't any roughah than ya evah are, cuz. I'm just a little tendah there lately for some reason." I pushed him away gently, then rubbed my chest. "Tell ya tha truth, Cupe--they ain't ached like this since right aftah I had 'em pierced."

He winced. "I think they're sexy as hell, and I know you enjoy them, but I just can't imagine purposefully poking holes in your body."

I grinned, pinchin his earlobe. "Wunna these days I'm gonna talk ya inta a stud, stud."

He avoided addressin that. "Who did it for you? Hephastus? Asclepius?"

"Mom."

"Eris? You let Discord near you with a needle?"

"It was kind of a mothah-son bondin experience. I pierced her nose." Cupe looked doubtful. "She only wears it on special occasions. Didn'tya see it at our commitment ceremony? She was wearin a nice little diamond."

Cupid slapped his forehead. "So that's what that sparkle was! I thought it was a tear." I looked skeptical. "Well, my Mom was boo-hooing. Of course she was grinning like someone was tickling her at the same time. I didn't mention it because I thought Eris might forget herself and slap me through a wall if I called attention to her crying."

"Ma don't do tha 'cryin with joy' bit--ain't her style." I peered down at myself. "Ya know, I think they're a little different. Whatta you think, Cupe?"

He gave my nipples his full attention, cockin his head. Just havin him stare at me like that, they started gettin hard. Finally he touched one lightly with a fingahtip. "You're right. The coloring is a little different. You've sort of gone from pink-brown to milk chocolate."

I swatted him on tha top of his head. "Stop it, I've had my chocolate for t'day. You don't think there's anythin wrong about this, do ya?"

"Probably not. I think it's just a part of the pregnancy changes."

"I'll check with Joxer about it." I snickered. "I'm consultin him more than I am Asclepius."

"Why not? Joxer's had a baby--he hasn't."

"Well, now's as good a time as any, I s'pose. I know Unc had a battle ta lead at dawn, an' Jox should be up by now." I started ta roll outta bed, an' came up short at tha mattress edge when my body didn't respond with it's usual springiness. I sighed, braced my hands, an' pushed myself up, leadin with my tummy.

I stood there for a moment, lookin down at tha swell ruefully. "Kiddo, yer slowin me down."

Cupid slid ovah an' petted tha curve, then dropped a kiss on it. "It isn't so bad, is it, babe?"

"There speaks tha man who ain't got about five pounds sittin on his bladdah an' someone doin kicks ta his kidneys from tha inside." I shrugged, grinnin. "Nah, I just like ta bitch. I got a feelin, though, that in three months yer gonna need a block an' tackle ta get me offa tha bed."

"Then I'll put it up higher so you can just swing your legs over and step off."

"Yer so thoughtful." I got dressed, grumblin, "If I evah need a second career aftah this I should qualify as a tent makah."

"I like you in floaty things almost as much as I like you in tight things."

I leered. "I can think of one tight thing I can still get inta." He laughed, an' that's tha image I took with me when I flashed outta there--Cupid, laughin. I knew that if I needed ta be cheered up at any time durin tha day, all I'd hafta do is think about that.

I popped inta Unc's place, in tha outer room. No one was around. I thought about callin out, but ya nevah know when a baby's just gotten ta sleep, or how long his parents were up tryin ta get him ta sleep, so I figured I'd bettah be cautious. I didn't exactly tiptoe back--that woulda been kinda hard, with my balance bein thrown off by Lump--but I walked quiet while I went ta Unc an' Joxer's bedroom.

Jox was sittin on tha edge of tha bed, holdin Accord. He had his tunic down around his waist, an' I wondered if Acord was bein fussy. I'd heard from Demeter that wunna tha best ways ta sooth a cranky baby was skin-on-skin contact. Made 'em feel more secure, or somethin. Made sense ta me--it always worked with me an' Cupid. I mean, even if we weren't bein sexy it felt good ta just hold each othah. Made me feel kinda peaceful, so I didn't see any reason why it shouldn't work for babies.

Joxer wasn't cradlin Accord in his arms, with tha baby on his back, like usual. He had tha baby upright against his chest. I thought at first that he was burpin tha kid, but Accord's head was way down from his shouldah. Joxer had been a parent long enough ta know that sometimes ya get urp insteada gas, an' I wondahed what he was doin, riskin that.

He didn't notice me at first. He was busy talkin ta tha baby, strokin his head (he was finally growin back tha hair he'd lost right aftah he was born. Boy, had Ares been worried about that, even though he kept on about how baldness showed that ya were a manly man. I refrained from askin him what him havin hair down ta his shouldahs meant). "What a good baby. My, you were hungry, weren't you?" He winced. "Ow! I love you, Accord, but I think I'm going to be happy when it's time to wean you."

Wean?

I came a little closah, an' Joxer noticed me. He grinned, "Hey, Strife! This won't take much longer--he's almost through."

"Joxie, tell me ya ain't breast feedin that baby."

He raised his eyebrows. "I could, but I prefer not to lie."

I sat down, starin. Sure enough, little Accord had his rosebud lips fastened around Joxer's right nipple an' was suckin for all he was worth. When I leaned ovah ta look, he cut his eyes at me, but didn't slow down. His chubby little fists were pushin at Joxer's chest, and I suddenly hadda mental flash of a kitten kneadin his mama's belly while he nursed. "Oh, geez."

Joxer frowned. "What's wrong?"

"I... uh... I wasn't ready for this."

He cocked his head, "No, I don't guess you've ever been around at meal time. What did you think I was doing to feed him?"

"I dunno. I mean, ya sent a sorta drinkin skin with an attachment when he spent tha night, an' we used goat's milk."

"That was an exception. I expect I'll use them more often if my milk dries up before he's ready to go to strictly solids, but I see no reason to use one when I'm perfectly capable of feeding him myself." Accord spat out tha nipple an' stuck his fist in his mouth instead. "Had enough? Accord cooed at him. He smiled softly. "Silly baby."

A bead of milk oozed out an' started ta trickle down Joxer's chest. He absently took a rag an' wiped it away, also wipin his nipple. When he saw me lookin he said, "You clean before and after, warm water only, no soap."

"No soap?"

"Would you like soap in your food?"

"More than I wanted ta think about, Jox."

"If you don't wipe afterward you can end up smelling like sour milk, and you really don't want to carry around the baby spit."

"Definitely more than I wanted ta think about."

He shrugged, tossin the rag across his shouldah an' heftin Accord up. "You might as well think about it now--you'll have to deal with it eventually. Have you started to notice any change in
your breasts?"

"I do not have breasts! I have... uh... Well, not yet, any way. But there is a little change."

"Tenderness? Darkening?"

"Crap, Joxer, it ain't gonna be any fun if I can't evah surprise ya."

He laughed, rubbin Acord's back. "Strife, you can always surprise me."

"Sorry if I'm bein a wuss."

"No, you're taking it much better than I expected. Actually, you're taking it much better than I did."

"Yah? But you always seemed so cool durin yer pregnancy."

"In public. I managed to keep my fits and panic attacks private." He sighed. "Poor Ares--how that man suffered. But he never retaliated, no matter how much grief I gave him."

"Got news for ya, Jox. Incidents of battle went up about forty percent durin tha last two months ya carried that kid." Tha baby burped lustily, then puked on Joxer's shoulder. "I love ya, kid."

Joxer calmly wiped everythin up an' held tha baby up ta look inta his face. "Had a little too much, mm?" Accord burped again, but there was no upchuck this time. Then he smiled at his daddy.

I melted inside. "Damn, that's beautiful."

Joxer cradled Accord back against him an' gave me a soft look. "There's nothing in the world like it, Strife. You have so much to look forward to. Whenever things get uncomfortable, remember that smile, and think about a baby that you and Cupid made together looking at you like that."

"I think I could put up with a lot for that." Accord closed his eyes an' drifted off ta sleep. *giggle* I nevah knew infants could snore. "Does he always conk out aftah he eats?"

"Well, he used to. Now he stays awake more often than not, but I guess he's just feeling particularly peaceful right now."

"Really? My presence ain't usually condusive ta sleep." I grinned. "Eithah they're too worried about what I might do, or in Cupe's case he's lookin forward ta what I might do." Joxer carefully tucked Accord inta his cradle, then picked up a long, thick strip of cloth an' started windin it around his chest. "Okay, I'm nosy. What's that for?"

"It's to keep me from getting damp patches on my clothes. You may need to start wearing one of these."

"I ain't had tha baby yet, Jox."

"Yes, but there's the colostrum to consider." He paused. "Well, you may not have that. I don't think everyone does."

"Colo-who-strum?"

"It's sort of pre-milk. If your nipples have darkened and started getting tender, you may have it soon."

"Oh, crap."

"It's not so bad, really, but like I said, you'll need to wash more often."

"Joxer, it's just plain weird. I don't want it."

He sighed, then said gently, "If it's going to come, you won't have any choice in it, Strife. It's not so bad. It's nature's way of preparing you to nourish your baby."

"Nature? Ya mean I need ta go talk ta Gaia about this?" He rolled his eyes. "I'm freakin out here, Jox."

He patted my hand. "You can bottle feed if you want to, Strife. You may have to bind yourself, and it will be uncomfortable till the milk dries up, but you can do it. But Strife, I want you to think very carefully about this. It's a wonderful thing." I stared at him. His voice was steady. "It is." His eyes unfocused a little. "You can't imagine how close you feel with your baby. I carried him inside me for nine months, and when he was born, for a little while I felt empty and alone. Then I held him, and nursed him for the first time. He was drawing nourishment from me, just like he had while he was inside me. I didn't feel empty any more."

Joxer reached down an' stroked Accord's cheek with one fingah. "It's beautiful." He glanced at me, an' suddenly his smile was wry. "Except for the teething part--I think he's getting ready for that. His gums have been awful firm lately."

We went inta tha front of tha temple an' Joxer, always tha good host, said, "Milk or fruit juice?"

"Milk. I had my fruit this mornin."

"Warm or cold?"

"Cold. I only drink warm before bed." I shook myself.

"What?"

"I just realized that I'm drinkin warm milk before I go ta bed. Geez, I hope that doesn't get out. It'd be hard ta have tha mortals take me seriously." Joxer materialized a glass of milk an' handed it ta me. I drank mosta it in one gulp. I rubbed at my nipples, cause they were achin a little, an' somethin occurred ta me. "Jox, ya know that I have rings?"

"Really? I thought that you only had a wedding ring, not a set." He noticed where I was rubbin, and blushed. "Oh. Yes?"

"I'm not sayin that I intend ta do it, mind ya, but I was just wonderin--would they be a problem if I nursed?"

He frowned, thinkin. "Mm. No, I don't think so."

"Glad ta hear it, but on what dya base that conclusion?"

"Jace."

I blinked, then cleared my throat. "Uh, Jox, look... I know that Jace is more like yer sistah than yer brothah, but I doubt he's got first hand experience on that front. I think that if anothah mortal had gotten preggers I'da known about it. I mean--Mischief, hello? I think it'd fall undah my jurisdiction."

"It isn't first hand. You know that Jace is in the theatrical profession? Well, some of the actresses he knows have, um, adornments similar to yours, and they also have children. He mentioned the uproar one of them caused by nursing her child and calmly going on with her scene, and I know that was one of the ones who had rings."

I leaned ovah, archin an eyebrow, "An' how didya know about this?"

"This was before Ares and I got together, okay? I'd rather you didn't mention it."

"Don't worry. Ya ain't totally immune from my work, Jox, but I ain't gonna do anythin ta bollocks things up between you an' Unc. Like I could." I finished my milk. "I s'pose I could take 'em out for a little while."

"It really shouldn't be a problem until the baby can latch on and pull."

I grimaced. "Now ya've given me somethin ta think about. Well..." I put tha glass downl "Hate ta run, but I wanna get home before this milk mustache dries."

"Oh, here." Joxer offahed a cloth.

"Nah. If Cupe is still home I'll get him ta wipe it off for me."

Joxer looked kinda non-plussed. "I know it's fun to wait on each other, but isn't that a little extreme?"

"Nah. I like tha way he wipes off my milk mustaches." I grinned just before I flashed out. "He uses his tongue."
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Tha Birds an tha Bees an' All That Othah Good Shit