Within Me

eelectric_diva: Thank you! I hope to keep updating this one regularly. It's one of my favorites.


Pairing: Sam/Dean
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: Rape, violence, angst. OKAY! READ PLEASE! I'm adding this because as I'm writing this I'm thinking...I'm actually getting freaked out here. This is EASILY the most violent rape scene I've ever written and that includes details and everything. Please please please please do NOT read this if you can't handle it. I encourage you to just skip this chapter and I will tell you whatever you want to know if you feel you're missing something when you read the chapter after this. I just really love my readers and your safety is extremely important to me. Please take this seriously. Thanks. And I have had others read this and been told it's not that bad, but better safe than sorry.
Summary: It's the chapter you've been dreading.
A/N: This is going to get confusing. I'm so sorry, but please bear with me. We have thoughts of Barnabas and Anna, thoughts of Sam and Dean, and then the talking will just be Dean and Barnabas for the most part. I've basically left Dean and Barnabas in charge.

BTW, I'm listening to my music on my computer while writing this so I'm going to end up emotionally drained from this one I'm sure. :-) And no, I'm not telling you what's on my computer. It's embarrassing. hehehe


Dean didn't know what he'd been expecting, but it wasn't the way he was thrown onto the bed and straddled. He tried to hit Sam hard enough to get him off, but it only seemed to amuse the thing inhabiting his brother. "Sammy...you've got to fight this."

"Sammy isn't here, Dean. It's just me, you, and Anna."

Dean shook his head as Sam grabbed his wrists and held them between them. "Anna's not here. I told you that."

"She has to be. It's just how it works."

He's right. Let me take this away for you. I can end this now.

You mean you can let me drift away so that Sam can kill me and I just won't know it. But he will so no deal. If he comes through at all I have to be here to help him through this.

Dean began to struggle again and then cried out as Sam let go of his wrists and started backhanding him again and again. "Sammy, stop!" He had never been hit like this. His father had slapped him across the face once, but it was only when he'd mentioned leaving and trying to have his own life. He'd taken the hit, but then told his father that if Sam wanted to leave then he had better let him if he didn't want a gun pointed at his head in the middle of the night. That was the only time John had ever raised a hand to the boys and it had been the last.

He tried to block the blows, but it seemed like they were coming from everywhere and he gagged as he began to sense that death was going to come for him for real this time.

Then it stopped. As quickly as it had begun it just ended.

Dean tried to catch his breath, but he kept choking. It was only after calming himself down long enough to get a breath that he realized he was sobbing. He told himself that it was Anna who was sobbing through his eyes, but he had a feeling that he was contributing a bit. He didn't want to die. He wasn't actually scared of it, but he just didn't feel ready. He'd always had this weird feeling that he and Sam would die together. One day they'd just hold hands, smile at each other, and close their eyes. It was silly, but it was something he'd held onto for years after watching his father mourn his mother. Families shouldn't be torn apart.

He looked over at Sam who was grinning at him. "What?" He tried to sit up.

"You're so pretty when you're bleeding. You know that? You're the prettiest so far. Prettier than my Anna... She was a good bleeder, but you're...magnificent."

Dean reached out with his tongue and flicked a bit of blood from the corner of his mouth. Too late he realized that wasn't a good idea.

Sam moaned. "Shit..." He came forward and lunged for Dean's leg.

Dean rolled to his stomach and tried to dive off the bed, but couldn't manage it with the pain coarsing through him. He felt his leg getting grabbed and then being twisted so he was forced onto his back again. "Don't do this."

"Do what?"

"Don't kill me. You're not going to get Sam. He'll escape."

Sam glared at Dean. "Killing you is for later."

Dean frowned in confusion. He really didn't think that anything else could happen at that point. He hadn't gotten a woman into the house so the rape was out of the question.

That's when he felt Sam tug at the button on his jeans.

Everything clicked.

"Sam! No, Sam...oh God..." He pushed Sam's away, but it seemed as if Sam had suddenly grown extra arms. His movements were frantic and full of panic. He just kept saying 'oh God' over and over while trying to make himself breathe.

Let me end this! Anna pleaded deep in his mind, feeling how terrible this experience would be for both of them.

No! He won't do this! He used all of his strength to subdue Anna. He couldn't let anyone else see what was happening even if it was a spirit who'd watched others endure it countless times.

He tried to refasten the button that Sam had gotten undone as he felt his zipper inching down. Fresh tears sprang to his eyes. "Sammy...please! Please..."

Sam just smiled. "You beg so nice, Dean. Beg some more..."

Dean's eyes widened as he continued to try and button and zip his jeans even as they slid down. He grabbed the belt loops and tried pulling them back up, but received another hard slap to the face. As his hands came up to block his face, the jeans were yanked to his ankles.

"Damn..." Sam jumped up on the bed and pulled Dean's feet straight up.

Dean tried to hold onto something, but found himself practically upside down as Sam unlaced his boots. Loose change fell around him from his pockets and he again reached for his jeans to pull them back up.

He was dropped suddenly as his boots were thrown and the change disoriented him long enough for Sam to yank the jeans off totally. He tried to turn and scramble again, but felt his arm being grabbed. No, not his arm, he realized. It was his jacket. That disappeared as well, but this time he didn't fight. He just continued to move.

That all stopped when he felt Sam's knife against his throat. He thought this was where it would end, but his brain knew that he wouldn't die that way. The victims always died the same way.

Sam turned him around slowly and was still wearing the smirk that Dean used to love on him. "Dean, why are you being so difficult?"

"Don't do this. You don't want to do this. You love me and I love you and we're going to go away and find out where this leads and this isn't you. Please..."

Sam chuckled. "Maybe this is me, big brother. Maybe I'm just using the whole spirit thing as an excuse to get what I want."

"That's not true."

"Are you sure? It seems like you're getting awfully whiney. Why would I want someone like that for a long term thing? This way, I get a nice piece of ass finally and then I can just dump you. Well...kill you, but why get lost in the semantics of it?"

Dean started to shake his head, but stopped when the pain in his face made him not want to move that much anymore.

Sam moved the knife under the collar of his tee shirt and then flicked up quick enough to slice the material and nick Dean's jawline.

Dean gasped as Sam leaned down to lick the blood and then sit up and throw the knife, drilling it into the wall. "We won't be needing that anymore." Sam yanked the tee shirt and smiled as Dean was bared to him. "You're really quite lovely. Nice tits..."

Dean frowned, thinking that maybe he was seeing Anna now. "Just let me go..."

Sam grinned. "No, I meant that you're muscular. Something to touch..." Sam reached out, but Dean struggled again, punching him hard in the chest.

Dean turned and grabbed onto the edge of the bed and pulled hard, trying to get himself at least to the floor. He thought he was going to make it until he felt a hard weight slam onto his lower back. He tried to cry out, but the wind was knocked out of him. The remnants of his shirt were pulled off of him as he attempted to breathe again.

It was just him and his boxer briefs against the spirit inside of Sam and he was really starting to think he might lose. Considering that time seemed to be different here he also knew that his theory about things ending at 9:30 pm was out the window. He wondered if Sam was in there somewhere and trying to fight.

Barnabas was enjoying watching Dean struggle beneath him as his fine little ass just moved up and down, trying to get away. He continued watching as he threw his shirt off. Then he leaned forward to let Dean feel his bare chest against his back. The tortured moan he heard was well worth it. Oh Dean...I love the sounds you make...

Sam's spirit, on the other hand, was raging. He'd screamed when Dean was being beaten and he was still screaming now that he realized what was going to happen. He loved Dean. He wanted Dean, but never like this. He cursed himself for his selfish thoughts. Part of him knew that if this happened Dean would never welcome him into his bed and Sam beat against the walls of his mental prison for the right that was being stolen from him. He wanted to look away, but somehow Barnabas had trapped him into watching everything. He wept for both himself and his brother, not knowing what else to do. He wondered if Dean would ever believe him when he told him that he was fighting as hard as he could.

Sam put all his weight on Dean and kicked off his own boots and then pulled off his pants.

Dean struggled, but again didn't manage to get very far.

Finally Sam got up and Dean made a break for it. He was almost out of Sam's reach when his younger brother grabbed his ankle and pulled him back again. He clawed at the bed and gasped, no longer sure if screaming even covered his terror. He felt the hit to the back of his head and moaned as darkness tried to take him. Everything went fuzzy and he felt so dizzy that he almost vomited. The feel of his boxer briefs sliding down and off pushed him over the edge and he began to gag.

He was turned onto his back again and his mouth was covered. He looked up to see Sam glaring at him. "You puke and I'll make you eat it! Do you understand me?"

Dean nodded and started breathing quickly through his nose until the feeling passed.

Sam gripped Dean's wrists and squeezed. He thought he heard a crack and then Dean whimper, but he didn't really care because of the feast he was looking upon at the moment. "Dean, I know I said you were magnificent, but I don't think that begins to describe you..." He lowered himself, purposely avoiding what he wanted to lick from Dean's stomach up his chest. Then he began sucking on the side of a pectoral muscle before moving to a nipple.

Dean threw his head back and swallowed, not wanting to feel anything from this experience, but knowing he couldn't put Anna in charge now. He knew she'd let him die because she would think it was best for him. Actually he was beginning to think she might be right. He was pulled from his thoughts as Sam bit into his nipple lightly. Dean gasped and lifted his head up, but then let it drop again as the nausea started creeping up on him again.

Sam continued to lavish attention on his chest and then began to rub his penis against Dean's. "Feel good?"

Dean just whimpered and shook his head slowly. "You're not Sam."

"I've been telling you that..."

Sam let go of Dean's wrists long enough to grab his ears. "You'll like this...well, I will."

Dean screamed as Sam used his ears to pull Dean down the bed. Dean ended up with his upper back and head on the bed and the rest of him off. The bed was high enough that he couldn't sit on the floor so he had to put the weight on his legs to keep from snapping his back in half. It took his legs out of commission as far as fighting and he cried out again in denial of what was going to happen next.

This time as Dean yelled, Sam shoved his thumbs into Dean's cheeks, holding his mouth open. "Do it well or I'll slit Sam's wrists myself when I'm done with you."

Dean felt the tears pour again and this time the sting of the salt in his wounds helped him to focus a bit. He nodded as much as he could with the hold he was in. He never expected Sam to thrust so violently into his mouth and he started to gag again. He felt the pull on his ears tighten as the thumbs seemed to want to punch right through the flesh on his cheeks.

"Don't just sit there. Suck it..."

Dean moaned and began to do what he was told. The sensation wasn't what he expected. Sam was smooth and hard and he closed his eyes and pretended that this was something he wanted to do. That lasted for all of one second thanks to the pain he was in and he just let his tears fall as his face was raped. Soon he was able to relax a bit since Sam didn't seem to care anymore whether Dean was actively involved or not. He felt Sam's balls tighten against his chin and he freed one of his arms from where Sam had pinned them with his knees and began to claw futiley at Sam's stomach and chest.

Sam finally looked down and just grinned as Dean's mouth filled with cum.

Dean tried to jerk away, but Sam was holding him tight and staring right into his eyes. "If I see one drop spilled I'll put the knife down your throat next...and then I'll let Sam have control so he can watch you die."

Dean choked back another sob as he tried to make himself swallow. He thought he could do it with his throat opened up, but then Sam pulled out and let him go and Dean fell to the floor and had his cheeks puffed out trying to hold it all in.

"Swallow it!"

Dean shook his head and looked up at him, silently pleading.

"NOW!"

Dean just breathed through his nose and felt his snot start to drip and mix with the blood and tears. He breathed fast and couldn't do it, but he felt his saliva building up and making it impossible to hold it any longer. He leaned back and swallowed it all in one gulp with his mouth wide open and then gasped and screamed with the indignity before dissolving into more sobs.

Sam grabbed Dean by the arm and pulled him back onto the bed. He held his wrists again and then began to run his tongue up and down Dean's flaccid penis.

Dean cried out in agony as he felt himself harden. He tried to focus on the pain he was in or the nausea that was threatening him, but all he could do was respond. He tried to wiggle away, but that only got him Sam's head hard into his gut. He coughed and then just stared at the ceiling, telling himself that it was almost over. It ocurred to him that if he climaxed it would end. That thought sent him over the edge as he came hard into Sam's mouth. He felt calm for an instant, but then that feeling evaporated as Sam kissed him, spilling his own seed back into his mouth.

He tried to tear his head away, but couldn't and ended up swallowing his own semen while choking. When Sam moved away, Dean just turned to his side and tried to remember anything about his life that made him a human and not just an object. He wasn't sure he could anymore.

He turned to see Sam get the knife out of the wall. Dean just watched, not able to move and not sure what he'd do if he could at that point.

Sam walked to the door jamb and stabbed into it with the knife until a section splintered and then he peeled it off. He stabbed the knife back into the wall and walked over, holding the long flexible piece of wood. "Don't look at me, bitch."

Dean automatically turned away, not sure if he understood why he was listening, but not feeling if he had a choice, either. The feel of the handmade switch slicing into his back jerked him out of his numbness and he screamed, again trying to move to get away. The blows rained down again and again and as the first stripe dipped down far enough to graze the soft flesh of his ass he moaned in defeat.

Sam flung the device away and watched Dean for a bit and then grinned. "Awwww...look at this. I'm all hard again..."

Dean gasped and pulled himself away again. Sam rushed forward and watched until Dean almost had his freedom and then grabbed him by the ankle again and pulled him back.

"Oh God! Please no! Please!" Dean was babbling and screaming at this point and Sam's spirit was just weeping in anguish inside of his body.

Sam looked down on Dean and reached out to touch the wounds he'd made. The screams became whimpers as Dean found himself submerged in the pain and slipping away into his own mind where Anna waited. He was brought out of it when he felt his ass being pried apart. The moan that left his throat was the sound of a dying man and he tried to lift up to get away, but he didn't manage to move much.

"Look at that...Damn, Sam didn't know what he was missing all this time."

He shoved his finger in and twisted it cruelly, eliciting another moan from Dean. He continued to move until he felt he couldn't take it anymore. He slapped his hand down on Dean's bloody back, ignoring the scream, and rubbed the red liquid all over his cock. "Oh shit, Dean. I love you so much...."

Dean cried out, not wanting to hear Sam's voice saying something so intimate at the moment and he renewed his struggle.

Sam held him firm and shoved himself into Dean. He could feel the skin fight and finally rip. The vibration of the tear made Sam moan in pleasure, despite the smart shock of pain he suffered as well. Dean's screams were only adding to the sensation of pleasure.

Dean screamed louder until it became one long tortured howl.

Sam's spirit began to pray for his brother's death.

Sam lasted for at nearly half an hour, but Dean was sure that it was somewhere closer to eternity. As Sam climaxed, Dean's mouth opened wide in a silent scream as the pain filled him and spread. He felt a wetness beneath him and knew that his bladder had emptied. He didn't even care. He just wanted to die and finish it.

He was turned onto his back again and he stared up at Sam. His cut lip and bruised face was slack as he tried to pull his thoughts together. He watched as Sam's hands reached out to wrap around his throat. "Sammy..."

"Yeah yeah...thanks for the memories..." Sam grinned.

"No, wait...give me just a minute."

Sam rolled his eyes and began to squeeze. He felt the skin bruising and the throat giving out, but Dean wasn't struggling and he closed his eyes silently. Sam frowned. He needed Dean to fight him here most of all so he released him. "Fight me!"

Dean cleared his throat painfully and whispered, "Let me say something first."

Sam nodded. "Hurry up."

Dean looked into his brother's eyes and waited a second until he felt sure that somewhere Sam was watching him. "Sammy...I love you. Whatever part you think you had in this...I won't waste my time trying to convince you otherwise, but..." He winced at the pain in his throat. "I forgive you. Walk out of here and keep me alive by remembering..." He was cut off as Sam squeezed painfully again.

Sam's face twisted and he groaned. He let go of Dean and put his hands to his face. "No! No, you bitch!" He felt Anna grow strong at that moment and knew that this was different. She'd always been in control before so there was never a chance for forgiveness. He had wanted Sam to move on, but out of not caring and hatred. Moving on because he was forgiven and loved drained him so quickly that he could only maintain control of Sam while the images played out in front of all of them. Bess walked into the room then and gave them all the answers they were looking for.

They watched as Barnabas left to clean up after killing Anna. While he was downstairs in the kitchen, Bess had snuck up the stairs to help her friend. She pushed the hair away from the lifeless face of the young bride and cried for her and her baby. She heard Barnabas coming then and hid under the bed. She watched as Barnabas pulled Anna by her leg and stifled her screams as she heard the body thump down the stairs.

Eventually she followed Barnabas down to the basement and watched as he pulled one of the shelving units to the side and hit a switch. The door opened and revealed another set of stairs leading further down into the earth. Barnabas knew he could leave her body down there, close it up, and leave to start his own life.

Bess stood at the top of the stairs after he descended and finally felt the evil that Barnabas had dished out rise in her. She pushed the door shut and screamed as his arm shot out, trying to grab her. He had started up the stairs and saw the door closing and had screamed in rage. She continued to shut the door and as Barnabas' hand pulled back she smiled her last true smile. She backed away and nodded in sadness. Barnabas would finally be forced to live with his beautiful wife until his death, as he promised in his marriage vows.

Barnabas released Sam with a tortured scream. The answer to who was behind that door so long ago knocked him out of his control and he slithered away to find his strength.

Anna, whose spirit had left Dean when the vision started, smiled down at Bess.

Bess just grinned. "Will you come with me now?"

Anna shook her head. "Not just yet, but soon. Thank you."

Bess nodded and slowly faded away.

Anna found herself in the basement alone with Sam who had been dragged down there by Barnabas' retreat.

Sam was trembling now that he was back in control and his memories came flooding back to him as he dropped to his knees and began to vomit.

Anna just let herself weep and then knelt down next to him. "Go to him."

Sam looked up at her and nodded. "Then I'm sending your husband to hell."

She just shook her head. "I don't think you should be the one to do that."

Sam just sobbed brokenly, agreeing without words. He stood and looked up and began to climb. He loved his brother so much and held on to the one hope that he never thought he'd have.

Please let him be dead.

TBC...