The shattered shaft

Title: The shattered shaft
Chapter: 6 / ?
Fandom: Scrubs
Pairing: Cox / JD
Rating: Chapter rating – PG-13 (NC-17 overall)
Setting: Post “My lunch” and “My fallen idol”, but before Kim. Probably partially AU, since Cox/JD are in established relationship.
Beta: Ryua
Summary: JD never really imagined what it would be to loose control over his body. Still, things change pretty drastically. Hurt / comfort theme.
Author’s notes: Wow, it’s been quite long time since the last chapter >> But now that my summer exams are over (damn dendrology, learning characteristics of 400 species of trees and bushes by heart can make your brain overheat) and I still have about month of holidays left I managed to complete another chapter.
The inner angst whore in me is happy with this part. I had this particular scenes planned since the beginning, I just needed to put them in words.

Chapter dedicated to kipli because she rocks and her fanfics are as important to me as the air I breathe.


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The shattered shaft
Chapter 6

Over the next few days JD found his mornings to be a pleasant routine. He would wake up early – a habit he acquired after years of working in the hospital – limbs still neatly tangled with Perry’s as the older man snored lightly into his hair. After a quick shower, brushing his teeth (doing it ever-so-carefully, mindful of his implants) and making sure his hair was absolutely nothing less then perfect, he would dress up and silently leave the apartment, taking a stroll to nearby store, to get fresh baguettes and coffee.

JD, much to his own surprise, wasn’t really afraid to go out and interact with people. He vaguely remembered Carla and Elliot talking about that possibility, but really, he was not that type of person to crawl into some dark corner and shut people out. There were, of course, a few times when he nearly jumped out of his skin when someone bumped him on the shoulder too hard, or when he saw neighborhood kids running down the street with baseball gear; the mere thought of even looking at the bat made him freeze up, cold sweat breaking. Yet, overall he was doing better then he thought he would, for which the young doctor gave himself a mental pat on the back. A piece of chocolate brownie as a reward once he got home wouldn’t hurt as well.

It still frustrated him a bit though; the looks people gave him upon seeing his bruises and his hand. The fact that he was absolutely bored for a whole day did not help. It was still the first week of his medical leave and he was already craving something to do. When Perry was out in Sacred Heart he tried to occupy himself as much as possible, using the free time to catch up with his lagging paperwork, medical journals and read through thick volumes about intensive care and internal diseases; anything was fine, as long as it kept him from boredom.

JD hummed to himself as he walked back to the apartment, paper bag with fresh bread in his good hand. When a low tune of the theme song from “Gilligan’s Island” came to his ears at first he didn’t react. Only the soft buzzing on the vibrating device finally told him it was his own phone. It was still a little too early for him to get used to the new phone. His old cell wasn’t completely broken, not beyond the point of repair but JD strictly declared he couldn’t look at the phone anymore. The costs of buying a new cell strained his budget a bit, but the relief of getting rid of the device that nearly cost him the loss of his fingers was worth it.

Setting the paper bag on the windowsill of the nearest store he dug into his pocket to fish out new, dark green cell phone (Turk said the color was a nice contrast to his eyes, so he simply had to get it) and flipped the lid open with his thumb.

“Hello?”

“Doctor Dorian?”

“Umm... yes?” JD frowned a bit as he gathered the grocery bag back into his arms and proceeded to walk down the sidewalk.

“This is Officer Brian Ballatyne from seventh police station. We’ve been trying to reach you for last couple of days but it seems that the number was unavailable.”

JD’s breath hitched. They were looking for him? Thank gods that he had kept his old number then.

“I was wondering if you could come down to the station sometime this afternoon. We have completed gathering files of the potential suspects from your case and we would like to see if you recognize anyone.”

JD stopped dead in his tracks as his head swirled slightly. Today? He wasn’t ready for this, not when Perry was off for the whole day, not like this, not--

He nearly yelped in surprise as a kid on skateboard rode past him way too fast for his own liking, brushing his shoulder in process. The paper bag fell from his grip but thankfully, he managed to keep the coffee up so it didn’t spill.

“Doctor Dorian?” The worried voice of the officer on the other side of the line forced him to compose himself. “Are you alright?”

“No—I mean yes, yes, I’m here. No, I don’t think I will be able to come today, I have no one who could give me a ride and I still can’t drive my scooter.”

The policeman wisely chose to ignore the scooter comment.

“Then do you think it’s possible I could drop by and just show you the photos? It would really help us a great deal.”

JD gathered the bag from the ground, blinking hard few times while trying to organize his thoughts.

“I suppose. I am not staying at my own place though, so I should probably give you my current address.”

Why in the world he said yes? Perry will kill him when he learned he had allowed this particular policeman into his house.

------

With the time of the visit in the afternoon was coming closer, JD found himself quite uneasy. Glancing at the kitchen clock every few minutes, he picked up some small tasks to keep him occupied. Most of them were meaningless, but kept his mind off the case for at least a short while. Pretty soon most of the things in kitchen were either rearranged or so clean you could see your own reflection. The food in the fridge was sorted to its appropriate shelves. Utensils were as good as new. He even rearranged all the spices in alphabetical order, just for the hell of it.

Then a doorbell rang, and JD jumped in surprise, even though he had been waiting for that sound for the last hour or so.

“Doctor Dorian.” Officer Ballatyne nodded his head in acknowledgement and waited patiently until JD undid the lock chain and let him in.

“We’ve been trying to reach you for some time now. You haven’t informed anyone about your change of address.”

“I didn’t know I had to.” JD looked a bit puzzled. “I do?”

“I’m afraid so.” The cop took off his shades and fixed his grip on the files he had safely located under his arm. “I appreciate your effort in checking these photos today, as it will help us to move on.”

(He’s repeating himself. Doesn’t he have anything else to say then this?)

“Can I offer you something to drink? We’ll be more comfortable in the kitchen anyways.” JD didn’t really wait for the answer, turning around and leading the way.

“Coffee would be good, thank you.”

He busied himself with work, at the same time hearing as the officer took his seat by the kitchen counter and started to spread out some files and photographs.

His hand ached. The pain was always there, of course, but ever since the morning it was more... intense. There wasn’t really a better word for it. JD could feel the difference in the degrees of pain quite clearly and this... this definitely wasn’t the normal reaction of his healing hand. He did the coffee a little bit clumsily, but each day he was better at using his left hand, even if it took ages to get something done. But now he couldn’t focus, not with the painful throbbing in his fingers. Ha passed the coffee cup to the policeman, who thanked with a nod of his head and then grabbed the pills bottle from the counter. Officer Ballatyne was eyeing him carefully but wisely chose not to say anything when JD took two pills and drank it down with mineral water. He certainly had enough of coffee for that day.

“There aren’t many pictures, unfortunately.” Ballatyne spoke up when JD took a seat opposite to him. “These are the photos of the people living in few miles radius of the crime scene, who had been arrested before for acts of violence and drug use. I would like you to look at each picture carefully and try to remember if you have seen any of these men before or near your flat.”

JD couldn’t agree there were only few photos, but rather dozens of them, but he said nothing. Minutes passed in silence, only occasionally broken by either of them shifting in their seats or officer Ballatyne taking a gulp of his coffee.

(Because I make godly coffee and nobody can’t resist it, hah!)

A lot of the people looked the same. The guy marked as suspect 19 had a funny mustache. JD was sure he had described his attacker quite well to the police all those days ago in the hospital, so why they insisted on showing him people who were so off from the description?
He slowly sorted all the photos out, and none of the men resembled his guy. Usually JD wasn’t very good at remembering people’s faces... but his... his he could never forget.

“He’s not here.” JD flipped the last picture, glad it was finally over.

(Shouldn’t gabapentin work by now?)

He massaged his arm just above the splint, hoping it would help in minimizing the pain.

“Are you sure? We can go through the pictures once more to get more clarity.”

“No. I’m sure he’s not there. It’s not like I can forget his face.”

Ballatyne gathered the files, but still haven’t given up completely.

“No one even resembling him at all? Because sometimes trauma patients can’t remember details until they see them directly.”

JD looked at the policeman like he had suddenly grown two heads.

“I know, sir. I am a doctor, remember?”

“Right.”

This was leading them nowhere and JD’s patience, however great before the whole affair, was getting shorter with each day spent outside the work. The sharp stinging in his fingers didn’t help either. He took gabapentin more than half hour ago...

(Why isn’t it working?)

“Well then, I believe that will be all for now.” Ballatyne closed his files. “Should I notify the central that you have changed your address? In case we need to contact once more?”

That question took JD by surprise.

“I-- no. I don’t know. Officially I am still living in my own apartment, but I will be staying here for some time. I don’t really know for how long.”

“I understand.” The cop replied as JD was walking him back to door. “It surely isn’t easy to get back to the place where you were attacked.”

“Yeah.”

(You know nothing.)

“Well, good day to you doctor Dorian, and thank you for your help. We are trying our best to find the one who did it.”

JD chose not to reply, but simply nodded. ‘Trying’ was not good enough for him. He waited for few moments by the door until the steps of Ballatyne went dead, then closed the door and finally let out a pained hiss as he clutched at his right arm.

Leading on the doorframe he squeezed his eyes shut and tried to wait out the wave of pain, but as soon as it was gone another one took its place. His mouth had suddenly went dry, so stumbling a little over his own steps he made his way to the kitchen and latched himself onto the bottle of orange juice greedily.

He needed to lie down and the faster it happened the better. Gathering the nearly empty coffee cup from the counter he tried to put it away in the sink but then another spasm shook him and his grip slipped. The cup shattered noisily all over the wooden panels of the kitchen floor, shards scattering all over the place. Cursing himself for his clumsiness (it was one of his favorite cups as well) he picked up the bigger pieces with his left hand - fortunately not cutting himself - and then carefully made his way out of the kitchen. He could clean the mess up later, after the pain was gone.

(If it goes away any time soon. It feels even worse then that time when Janitor flung me out of the window on the cactus patch below.)

Maybe staying still wasn’t the best idea, because then he could focus on the pain even more, but JD soon found out that his legs nearly gave up upon his weight, so with a pained sigh he dropped down on top of the covers, praying for the gabapentin to finally kick in.

------

It didn’t happen very often, but there were times when even doctor Perry Cox had to admit that a day at work wasn’t the end of the world. Today no patients died on him, interns seemed to behave and he didn’t have a chance to see Bobbo and to get annoyed by the chief of medicine. Life, overall, was better then usually, so when he left the hospital after his duty he didn’t have this nasty scowl written all over his face.

When he sunk into the comfortable seat of his Porsche, Perry even turned up the radio volume, listening to some rock band as he drove home. He was tired, yes, but it wasn’t anything new. The perspective of getting home and lounging in his sofa for the rest of the evening was tempting. Hell, if Newbie behaved he might even let the other man pick what they watched, even if it ended up being another Gilmore Girls marathon. Jordan was supposed to drop Jack off with them tomorrow, since he was not working and that thought made him smile a little.

Gods, since when had his idea of a perfect evening turned from scotch, football and piece of nice ass to babies and soap operas? True, he still had nice piece of ass all to himself, but the rest just didn’t mix with the old Perry Cox.

But, quite frankly, he didn’t give a shit what old Perry would think of his new self.

Staying in the good mood, he managed not to snarl at one of his nosy neighbors as he passed her on the corridor. He would just get her double hard next time to even this one out.

He closed his door behind him quietly, at the same time looking around for a familiar figure. JD was neither in living room nor kitchen, so after taking off his shoes near the door he crossed the distance to the bedroom and took a peek inside.
JD seemed to be sleeping, left arm over his eyes as if to cut of the light and his right hand resting on the pillow beside him. He was just about to leave and close the door behind him when the younger man’s voice stopped him.

“Watch your step in the kitchen. I didn’t have chance to clean up and there’s glass all over the floor.”

JD’s voice seemed strained, as if speaking required a lot of energy he didn’t really have. Perry frowned when he stepped into the bedroom once again.

“And why is that, Newbie?”

He didn’t reply, just shifted a bit, lips twitching nervously as he moved his hand. Even as he protected his eyes from any excess light and couldn’t see a thing, he could hear Perry’s steps as he came closer the bed and then the mattress sinking as the older man sat down. It was more then a week after his surgery and somehow it still felt as if he was lying on the hospital bed.

He could feel Perry raising his left arm to uncover his eyes and he passively allowed it, blinking hard few times as his eyes grew accustomed to the light all over again.

“It hurts.” He murmured weakly as Perry’s eyes studied his face for signs of discomfort. “More then usually, I mean. It feels different.”

“I assume you took your meds?”

“Two pills in the afternoon and two more about hour ago.” JD hissed out as he winced and closed his eyes for a moment.

“You can’t possibly be getting used to it already; it’s been only a week.” Perry reached out and ran his fingers through JD’s hair, pulling it back so it wouldn’t fall in his eyes. “Newbie, are you even listening to me?”

“No.” JD gasped out, his left hand grabbing Perry’s own as he curled more into himself, as if it could help to relieve the pain. His throat was sore and he had troubles with speaking up clearly, but when Doctor Cox moved away a bit he clenched his fingers tighter.

“Stay. Please?”

“I am just going to get you something to drink, Newbie. I’ll be right back.”

JD said nothing, but he released the death grip he had on his lover’s wrist and just laid there motionlessly, hoping that the limited movement would help.
Perry paced back to the kitchen, thoughts going wild in his head. If it was more then a week after the surgery it was obvious that the healing tissues and growing bones might hurt, but it should be nothing that gabapentin wouldn’t be able to take care off; after all, it was the analgesic designed to deal with pain for patients with post-traumatic effects. So what was going on that even the double dosage didn’t help? If the kid doesn’t calm down soon he might have no other option but to--

“Dammit!” He hissed as he stepped down on the piece of shattered porcelain that littered the kitchen floor. JD told him to watch out, but he was too absorbed with his own thoughts and cursed himself now he watched as the material of his sock was stained red. It wasn’t a deep cut, nothing he couldn’t take care off later, so he grabbed the half-empty bottle of mineral water and made his way back, limping only a little.

“Here.” He sat down on the bed once again, raising the bottle to JD’s lips and tipping it slightly, allowing the other man to take few long gulps. The pleasantly coo water soothed his sore throat a bit, so JD laid down again, half curled into himself, head resting on Perry’s thigh.

JD had no idea how long they stayed like this; He found himself slowly dozing off, only to be rudely waken up by another spasm. Trying to ride out the pain he clutched at the bed covers with his good hand and head pressing more firmly against Perry’s jeans-clad leg, finding it at least a bit comforting. He didn’t know for how long this continued and was only half aware that Perry was saying something to him as his hand ran through his hair every now and then, but he wasn’t really able to make out any sense of his words. He was also faintly aware that Perry was gone from his side for a while, only to return in few moments.

“JD? JD, look at me.”

The hands on his face were unnaturally gentle and when he opened his eyes he could see Perry’s face hovering over his own.

“I need you to focus now, JD. You still with me?”

He only managed to nod weakly, but it had to be enough.

“Good. Listen, the painkillers are not working, so I am going to give you a shot. You should feel better after this. If not, we might need to take you back to Sacred Heart.” JD’s eyes widened a bit and he sent Perry a confused look as the older doctor rolled up the sleeve of his shirt and tied a band just above his elbow.

“Wait.” He groaned out, successfully making Doctor Cox to look up at him. “What shot?”

“It’s morphine. No, don’t look at me like that, Newbie. I took it from hospital when you were leaving. Kinda hoped we wouldn’t have to use it.” He growled in displeasure at the thought, as he readied the syringe with well-practiced ease.

“No, no morphine.” JD’s protest was weak as he shook his head. “I can just wait till it goes away.”

“It’s not going to, Newbie. Seriously, doctors are the worst patients.” Perry tried to smirk, but somehow failed to do so. “Why you have made Gandhi your medical proxy is beyond me, but as far as I am concerned you’ve made me your second choice. So believe me when I am saying this, you need that shot.”

“No.” This time JD’s hand grabbed his hand that held out the syringe. “No morphine. It’s... it’s just--“ He stopped in the middle of the sentence, his fingers curling over Perry’s wrist with enough force to make the older man wince. His other hand rested on JD’s cheek as his partner tried to overcome the wave of pain and failed, finally letting out a tormented gasp.

“Shhh.” Perry tried to calm the other man down as he stroke his cheek in comforting gesture. “You’re just going to hurt yourself more, JD. It’s ok, you know I wouldn’t make this choice if it wasn’t necessary, don’t you?”

JD did not reply, only let out a pained moan and finally let Doctor Cox’s hand go, giving up. He felt as Perry took his left arm searching for the vein and the slightly burning prickle of skin as the needle pierced it. Somehow it all felt distant and he couldn’t focus, but then the snap of the released band brought him back to attention.

Perry waited. One hand still pressing down the gauze on the place where the needle broke the skin while he rested the other on the side of JD’s neck and waited.

He didn’t like the idea of using morphine himself. It shouldn’t be even necessary, not in the case like this. Why gabapentin failed now was beyond him, since it worked out just fine for the past week or so.

He was glad that the drug worked quickly; after few moments JD’s tensed features seemed to relax and he was no longer frowning. The slight twitching of the fingers on his right hand that he had observed earlier seemed to stop now, as the younger man’s body grew limp and relaxed. JD blinked hard few times, struggling to stay awake.

“It’s ok.” Perry whispered back, the hand on his neck moving up to rest on the side of JD’s head. “It’s ok, let go. Sleep would be good right now.”

Doctor Cox noticed that he tried to say something but failed miserably. JD was slowly slipping into drugged sleep, hopefully without any disruptions. When a few tears rolled down freely from his eyes Perry knew it was normal, just the simple physiological reaction of the body letting go of the pain. He had seen it so many times with his patients over the course of the years, but now, in his own bedroom, it felt different. Unbearable.

JD could feel Perry’s fingers drying his tears and his last thought before slipping into unconsciousness was that Perry’s bedside manner with his patients wasn’t as bad as it always seemed.