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Darkest Nights	By : Bucken-Berry Category: G through L > Law & Order Views: 1449 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own SVU or it's characters and I'm not making money from this.

Chapter List
- 5
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- 7
George shifted uncomfortably on his bed. His fever was coming down slowly, but he was sweating a lot and the combination of the two made him feel like he was melting into the mattress. He felt an overwhelming wave of listlessness, and the need to move in response to the heat assaulting his senses.
He tried to move more but Elliot set a hand near his chest and pushed gently before grasping his hand.
"Be careful. You don't want to move too much."
"I know. It's just too hot."
"You ready to talk to the hospital shrink?" Elliot asked him.
"Yeah, I guess," he replied, giving Elliot's hand a squeeze.
Elliot gestured to a woman at the door, who nodded and walked in.
"Hello, Doctor Huang. I'm Beth, a psychiatrist here. The hospital recommended you have one therapy session a day while you're here, correct?"
"Yeah." He was starting to feel nervous. Elliot noticed and grasped his hand tighter.
"Why don't you tell me what happened?"
"I was tortured by sadists."
"Tell me more," she requested. He reluctantly told her what he'd said in his statement.
"So you're pretty shaken up," she said when he finished.
"Obviously," he said, almost emotionlessly.
"Do you have any suicidal thoughts?"
"No."
"Did you while you were there?"
"Not suicidal… but part of me felt... like I wanted to..." he said slowly.
"It takes a lot to get through that," she said, but she didn't get a response. She noticed that his eyes had closed and he was breathing deeply. "Doctor Huang?" she asked.
Elliot looked up at her. "He drifts in and out sometimes, it's nothing personal. I'll wake him up." He shook George's shoulder gently.
"C'mon George, you have to wake up." He shook his shoulder a little harder.
George jolted awake with a startled shout and started to sit up. He fell back, groaning.
"What did you do that for?" he gasped. He felt nauseous and dizzy. He set a pillow on his churning stomach, hoping that it would calm the nausea. It didn't help, but it didn't get worse either.
"You need to finish the session," Elliot said softly. Beth started speaking.
"You were really startled when detective Stabler woke you up."
"Yes…" he said.
"Why?"
"Because I was having a nightmare," he said shortly.
"What was it about?"
"I was back there."
"Being tortured?"
"Obviously."
"Have you been having those dreams ever since then?"
"Yes," he said with a frustrated huff.
"Any other dreams?"
"No," he said. He tightened his grip on Elliot's hand as he spoke.
"Let's pick up where we were before you fell asleep. Do you have any of the feelings you did then?"
"Sort of," George said, closing his eyes in weariness.
"Why do you say 'sort of'?"
"Because part of me wants to die and part of me doesn't." His answers still had a mechanical feel to them.
"What are your reasons for each?"
"I don't have any reason why I do and why I don't," he said. She looked him over. His world had been shaken, and he was trying to numb the pain with apathy. She knew she needed to at least get him to feel the pain.
"I think I do know why. You want to die because your world came crashing down. You were tortured, raped, beaten-" He winced slightly at each of the words. She continued bluntly. "Anyone would want to die after that. And you don't want to because you aren't ready to give up. And eventually you won't want to at all."
He didn't reply.
"Do you think you'll feel like yourself any time soon?" she asked him.
"No," he said sadly.
"Why?"
His voice cracked as he spoke. "Because I've seen people who've been through this. They never are the same again. Psychiatrists aren't immune from these things."
"We aren't. And you're right that you won't be the same, but that doesn't mean you can't feel ok again. But you know as well as I do that the ones who shut down are in more danger than the ones who open up and let people help them," she stated.
"I tell my patients that, but it doesn't make it any easier."
"A license isn't some magical cure-all. You aren't immune from sickness, injury, failures, and other things. No one is."
"I guess not. My work is proof of that," George said, frowning.
"What's wrong?" she asked him.
"Just… I feel like… what's the good of what I do? What does it accomplish?"
"What you do gets these people off the streets. It gets closure for victims."
"Not often enough. Most are left disappointed."
"But without SVU, they all would be," she said, and George nodded.
"I guess," he said tiredly.
"I'm going to end the session there. I'll see you again tomorrow. Get some rest; you look like you need it," she said. She walked away. Elliot whispered something to George and followed her.
"What do you think?"
"He's traumatized, as anyone who's been tortured and raped is; he feels like justice just doesn't exist. He's slightly detached, though he seems to be trying not to disassociate anymore. He also feels depressed. He does appear to be doing better than others in the situation, however."
"Will he be ok?"
"As long as nothing further happens to set him off, he should be, with time." Elliot looked relieved.
"Thanks."
He walked to the nurse's station and then walked back into George's room.
"I got you some juice and crackers," he said to George. He held the plate up.
"Thanks, but I don't think I can keep anything down."
"You have to eat sometime."
"I can't keep anything down," George repeated.
"Why?"
"Because of the infection and the fact that when I was… there, I rarely ate. I got used to not eating."
"Sorry," Elliot said quietly.
"That juice sounds nice though." Elliot smiled and handed him the glass. George struggled to sit up. Shouldn't he have more energy than that? Elliot wondered.
He helped George up and handed him the glass. He watched George drink deeply, savoring the taste.
Then he let out a shallow cough, which in turn made him cough harder and harder. Elliot set his hand on his chest to give him something to press against.
"Oh God, that hurts!" he exclaimed as the cough subsided. He groaned and rubbed his sternum with one hand, taking careful breaths.
"Aren't they giving you anything for that?" Elliot asked angrily.
"Of course," George sighed. "Along with a dozen other things."
"What's taking so long?" Elliot asked impatiently.
"It's not. Considering the circumstances, anyway." Elliot looked at George closely.
"You should sleep."
"I can't. I'm amazingly exhausted, but… I just can't." George paused a moment.
"How's everyone doing?" he asked, hoping that a conversation would help distract him.
"Good. We all miss you. We can't wait to see you back at work."
"No one's lost it yet?"
"Nah."
"That's good. I'll bet you, Alex, and Olivia came close a few times though."
"Yeah, you're right," Elliot said uncomfortably, not wanting to say how many times he'd almost attacked suspects. He decided to change the subject. "How are you?"
"I'm improving, slowly," he said with a hint of frustration.
"Mentally?" Elliot prodded. George opened his mouth but didn't speak. He paused.
"I'm not so sure. I feel a lot of different things."
"Like what?"
"Just… you know. I blame myself in a lot of ways, and then I tell myself I shouldn't be feeling that, and then it's just a vicious cycle. And I hate that I've been so damn helpless ever since. Physically as well as mentally. "
"It's not your-" George held up a hand to stop him.
"I know. I know. I just can't help it." A silence followed.
"Do you feel anything positive?" Elliot asked to break the silence.
"I still want to be with you."
"I know, I need time," he said before Elliot could speak. "But I still feel it. I think that's a good thing."
"Yeah, I'd say so," Elliot said with a half-smile. "I'll wait for you, though. I promise."
"It just still feels like, at any moment, something else could go wrong that'll make it never happen."
"I know. But you can't stretch yourself."
"When did you become a shrink?" The words were meant to be humorous but they came out slightly bitter.
"Sorry!" George said immediately.
"Don't apologize."
"I'm just wound kind of tight."
"I know. We all are on your behalf." George closed his eyes at the words. Elliot set a hand on his shoulder.
"We're all here for you."
"I know. It means a lot to me." Elliot nodded and gave his shoulder a tiny squeeze. George sighed.
"I think I can sleep now. Thanks."
"No problem." George was asleep a few seconds later.
"It'll work out, George. I'll make sure of that," he whispered.
- 5
- 6
- 7
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Darkest Nights