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Dreams	By : sissouthernink1994 Category: 1 through F > Criminal Minds Views: 1877 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: Work of fiction. I don't own: Criminal Minds, CSI: NY, CSI: Miami, NCIS, NCIS: LA, CSI or their characters. All done in fun, no profit gained.

Chapter List
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Chapter 6: Conversation about a Haunting Memory- Dr. Ray Langston

                Dr. Ray Langston woke suddenly from his deep sleep, as if someone was calling his name and shaking him awake. He looked to his right to see if his boyfriend Raja was attempting to wake him up. But no, Raja was in his own deep sleep. Ray sighed and sat up in the bed, listening for anything out of the ordinary. After not hearing anything, he quietly got out of bed and walked across the hall to the kitchen. He decided to survey his backyard to make sure nothing odd was going on.
                After looking, he sat down on the swing bench and thought about what had really woken him up. He and Raja had spent a wonderful afternoon and evening together. Both men had been really busy on their jobs the past week and a half and barely had time to talk to each other, much less spend any time together. Cooking dinner together was always fun for them. Raja would share some of his family’s traditional Indian recipes. Ray would share some of his favorites, even those he remembered while living in South Korea as a child. Sometimes they would try recommended dishes from others or something they heard that sounded interesting. Every once in a while it would end in disaster and the ordering of pizza. Sometimes when they were too tired, pizza was always appropriate.
                Tonight’s dinner was followed by a bit of dancing to some jazz, a favorite of both men. Raja didn’t like the blues as much as Ray, but jazz was always in order between the two. The soothing sounds of Grover Washington, Jr. followed them to a relaxing bath in Ray’s Jacuzzi tub, which he rarely used for himself. The sounds of Dave Koz and Boney James provided a lovely background for lovemaking.
As he sat in the night air, he looked down at his hands and the golden wedding band on his left. He had been “widowed” for almost seven years now. Ray still had problems removing the ring. Sometimes he felt the only way he could take it off, was for someone else to put a new one on. Maybe.
The sound of the back door opening brought him out of his trance. It was Raja. He had been concerned about Ray for a few months now. Some days it seemed like he was being haunted by something, but Raja couldn’t figure it out. It would wake Ray in the middle of the night and not just at Ray’s house. Sometimes when he would spend the night at Raja’s, it would happen. And it happened when they took a mini-vacation at Lake Tahoe. So it wasn’t Ray’s house or Raja’s condo. It wasn’t even the city of Las Vegas. Raja was beginning to think it was Ray’s wedding band.
“Did I wake you?”
“No, the void on the other side of the bed did when I rolled over and expected to find a warm body. I missed you.” Raja sat next to him, sharing the blanket he brought outside with him from the foot of the bed by covering both of them.
“I’m sorry.”
“I thought you may have been called in or something. Why are you out here in the cold anyway?”
“Couldn’t sleep.”
“Any case in particular?”
“No, that’s just it. If it were a case, it would make more sense.”
“When Nick had a particularly bad case and the next day off he would call me to come pick him up. When I’d ask him why, he would say he had a bad day and he was going to need a designated driver.”They laughed.
“No, nothing like that tonight.”
“Then what is it? I’ve been noticing that something has been bothering you for a few months now. It feels like something is haunting you. I can’t explain it.” Ray looked at his boyfriend, not realizing that his problem was so visible.
“I didn’t know you noticed it. Why didn’t you say something?”
“I’m just an accountant, not the CSI. I thought you’d figure it out sooner or later. Hoping for sooner.” Ray fingered his wedding band. “You think it has something to do with your ring?”
“Not the ring, the man who put it there.”
“Alejandro? You’ve been thinking about him?” Ray nodded and sighed.
“When I wake up from the dream, it feels like he’s calling me and shaking me awake. Shaking me like something is wrong, like the house is on fire or something. I know it can’t be him because…”
“Do you think his ghost is trying to warn you about something and you’re not seeing it?”Raja gently touched Ray’s cheek.
“I can’t think of what it could be. Once I’m awake I can’t help but think of our last few days together and how after all this time, it stills feel… unfinished.”
“You never really told me what happened. Just that his body was found after a week of being missing.” Ray reached for Raja’s hand and held it.
“We had been working tirelessly, hardly seeing each other and playing phone tag for around three weeks I guess it was.”
“Like we are now.”Raja laid his head on Ray’s shoulder.
“Yeah, and we lived in the same house. Can you imagine that? We were leaving notes- you pay this bill, I’ll pay this one. You pick this up at the grocery, I’ll get this. And when we finally had a few days to ourselves, Alex wanted to have a little get together with friends. I didn’t want that; I just wanted to spend that time with him. I know we hadn’t seen many of our friends, but I needed to spend some quality time with my husband. To make things worse he had planned for everyone to come to our house. I refused to be there. I told him I would be in the bedroom or go to a hotel or just be out for the night. And we had an argument, a huge one.”
“Much like ours?”
“Very much like ours. Think about it, we barely said ‘hi’ and ‘bye’, no time to talk, no lovemaking, just stress. We didn’t speak for two days. I think I slept in the guest room for both nights. We were both stubborn in our plans. I didn’t want that fight to go on forever ‘cause we only had a few free days before our hectic schedules started again for a few more weeks, so I called him while he was still at work and I apologized.”
“For what?”
“Mainly for not compromising and arguing in general; we had never argued like that before. We were both so adamant about our plans and we hurt each other, deeply. He apologized for the same thing and for making the plans without asking and including me. I didn’t have the chance to tell him what I was thinking until he told me his plans. I was going to discuss it with him ‘cause we could have gone to the movies or a play, rented movies, gone out for dinner, etc. I wanted to include him.”
“So what ended up happening?”
“We ended up compromising anyway. He called all our friends and we made plans to meet at our favorite eatery. That way when we were ready to go, we could. And we would have a set time to spend with them and the rest would be for us. It worked out well. We spent the rest of the night and weekend making up.”
“Just like us?”They laughed.
“Yeah, like us. I’m sorry we fought.” Ray kissed Raja’s hand.
“You’ve more than apologized and made up for it, we both have.”
“I guess our argument brought all that back up tonight.”
“But that doesn’t explain the other times.” Ray shook his head, but was in agreement.
“No, it doesn’t. I know on a few of those nights, my dad crossed my mind. And some of that may have been case related.”
“What do you feel was unfinished between you and Alex?”
“That was our last weekend together before he went missing. I made sure I told him how much I loved him before we left for work that Monday morning; I felt I needed to. I learned that afternoon when his supervisor called that he hadn’t shown up for work. I panicked; I didn’t know what to do. I immediately when home, but his car wasn’t there. I thought about places we liked to go, he wasn’t at any of them. We didn’t know where else to look. My brain started shutting down and my heart was just… aching; I just wanted him safe.”Raja could see how this was affecting his lover. “I knew the statistics of people missing in the first 24-48 hours and it wasn’t looking good you know?”
“Ray honey, you don’t have to tell me anything else. I can see this is upsetting you and that’s the last thing I wanted. I don’t have to know anymore.”
“It’s ok. I don’t mind sharing. Maybe that’s what some of this is about; I haven’t told you everything yet and we promised to be honest with each other.”
“Only if you’re sure baby.”
“I am.” Ray took a deep breath. “That Wednesday they found his car, but he wasn’t in it. And that Friday afternoon… they found his body. He had been burned beyond recognition. We had to get dental records and he was…um… almost too damaged for that. I was beside myself with confusion and grief. Who would want to kill him? I began to wonder if someone was trying to get back at me. Alejandro didn’t have any enemies; everyone loved him. His mother and I were complete wrecks. We just couldn’t believe that someone would want that gentle soul… dead.” Raja could hear the tone change in Ray’s voice. His words were now thick with emotion and he was close to tears as he stared into the night. “I could barely get out of bed, you know. He was my everything, my life, my love, my husband- my world. We had been married, or what we considered married, for 10 years. That’s more than some straight couples we knew. It was difficult. So difficult accepting that he was gone and in such a tragic way. I just couldn’t wrap my mind around not waking up next to him. I needed to feel his arms around me after working with patients all day. I needed his comfort after a heated discussion with my parents. I just couldn’t function, you know?
And then, there was very little support from my family. My mother came because she understood love, but not me being gay. My father wouldn’t set foot near us; he was convinced that Alejandro came on to someone and they torched his car or that he was killed by homophobes. However, if my dad had taken the time to get to know him, he would have known that Alex would never do anything like that. He would never disrespect our union.”
                Raja had tears trickling down his face. He didn’t know everything that had happened. He felt a new compassion for his boyfriend and lover. He had know some friends who had to bury significant others, but nothing as tragic as this. It hurt Raja’s heart to know that Ray had ever hurt that bad, had experienced such pain and heartache.
“Did they ever find out what happened?” Raja asked as he wiped his and Ray’s tears. Ray shook his head no.
“There was plenty of burned evidence; not much was useable. Leads turned cold. As far as they got was homicide by arson.”
“So his killer could still be out there?”
“Could be. And looking for me for all I know.” That made Raja shiver and not from the chilly Las Vegas night. “Don’t worry; I don’t think they were actually after me. I think it was business related and that they were going after someone else in the company, but got him by mistake.”
“Some mistake.”
“I know. I couldn’t prove any of it and his company was no help. It was all above his supervisor’s head; not much that he could have done.”
“Do you think the case could be reopened? With all the new technology now, I’m sure they could find the killer. Maybe that is what’s keeping you awake. Maybe you know how to find the killer now.”
“I thought about it, a while ago but decided against it. I didn’t want to bring up all the horrible memories and pain again. I don’t know…maybe I'll consider it again.” They sat in silence for a few minutes.
“We should go back inside before we both catch colds.” Raja suggested.
The men got up and headed back through the kitchen to the doctor’s bedroom. Ray stopped at his armoire and placed his wedding ring back inside the original box it came in. Alex’s ring, melted from the heat of the fire, was no longer the item of beauty it once was. The luster was gone and it was no longer round. It was a horrible shape that hadn’t been invented yet. A cross that Alex used to wear was also in the box. The chain had melted into Alex’s neck. The cross was barely salvageable. Neither of his parents wanted it so Ray placed it with the ruined ring. He probably could have melted them both down into something else to remember Alex by, but he didn’t have the heart to completely destroy what was left.
When he turned towards the bed, Raja was there waiting for him. He crawled back into bed and straight into his lover’s waiting arms. Raja held him close in comfort and love. He knew it was difficult for Ray to place his wedding band back in the box, but it was necessary to move on. Maybe what had been bothering him was related to the ring. Raja whispered something to his lover.
“Ray, I know our relationship can’t replace what you and Alejandro had. I could never take his place in your heart and I’d never try to. But I do love you. I’d like to think I love you as much as he did. I don’t want you to feel like you’re missing anything.” Ray looked at Raja lovingly.
“I don’t feel like I’m missing anything darling. I do feel your love for me and I love you for it Raja. Thank you for being patient with me as I finally figure this out.” Ray kissed the man and nestled closer to him and soon sleep covered them.
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Dreams