He's the One That I Want | By : KTT2123 Category: 1 through F > Criminal Minds Views: 8526 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 1 |
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Morgan is trying to wrap his mind around what just happened, what Reid had said, as he frantically searches for him. Derek immediately calls the one person he knows can help him figure this out: his mama. He can count on Fran to be honest, brutally honest if necessary. There is no one in his world he trusts more, who loves and accepts him more, no one whose opinion means more to him than his mama. *Except maybe Reid* Derek realizes with a start. *What does that mean? What does that say about the kind of relationship we have…or could have?* He is astounded at how blind and ignorant he’s been concerning Spencer and his importance in his life.
“Mama? I talked to Reid,” he says wearily, the emotional toil of this situation is weighing on him.
“What did he say?”
“I took your advice. I wouldn’t take no for an answer. He…he blurted out that he’s in love with me. Reid’s in love with me.” Derek is still in shock, utterly baffled by the fact that Reid loves him.
“I know.”
“You know? How could you possibly know that?!”
“It was pretty obvious, honey. Remember that barbeque you had at your house? Your whole team was there. When your sisters were telling embarrassing stories about you, I caught him staring at you with such intense longing. After that I watched him, I had to know if I was right. And I was. I saw glimpses of that same look of longing on his face when he looked at you again and again. A couple of times he looked absolutely miserable, as if for several brief seconds he couldn’t hide that he was looking at something he desperately wanted but felt he could never have. And that something was you.” Fran remembers her own surprise at realizing that her son’s best friend is in love with him. A single moment when Reid allowed himself to be unguarded is all it took for her to recognize that he is unreservedly in love with Derek. That moment revealed all the desperation, hopelessness, and fear that love made him feel. Now, all she has to do is show her son all the facts and make him realize he loves Spencer back. “Dr. Reid seems to be uncomfortable with being touched. Yet, the only exception appears to be you. When you touch him, he doesn’t jerk away or tense, as he does with everyone else. He relaxes when near you, and relishes your attention. He lets you tease him. No one else seems to be able to tease him like you do. His heart was right there for anyone to see if they simply paid attention, if they opened their eyes enough to realize what he is hiding behind that front he puts up. I am surprised not one of you profilers has seen the signs. But maybe it’s because you and your team are too close to Reid to see it.”
“That was six months ago! Why didn’t you tell me, Mama? How could you keep this from me?” he asks sounding wounded. Morgan cannot believe she kept something this important from him. His best friend is in love with him and his mom knew and never told him.
“Derek, baby, I told you before. It wasn’t my secret to reveal. If it had been someone else on your team, I might have. But Spencer is more insecure. He isn’t as confident as the rest of your team. You might even be his first love. This is not something I felt any right to expose, even to you. Either he needed to tell you…or you had to figure it out.” The Morgan matriarch knows that revealing that secret would have been a mistake. Derek can be impulsive and Fran fears he would have confronted Spencer. With how insecure and sensitive Reid is, she has a feeling he would not have reacted well to being blindsided by Derek…especially if the truth came from her.
Morgan is silent as he considers what his mother has said.
“What are you going to do now?” Fran asks.
“I…I don’t know.” He is at a loss what to do next. His best friend is in love with him. His male best friend. The way he had perceived Reid and their relationship is flawed. What he thought he knew is wrong. Derek doesn’t know what to do now.
“You have feelings for him, deep feelings. Derek, I think you might even be in love with him.” Fran knows her son well. He may be in denial himself but she knows he cares for Spencer Reid much more than he realizes. Fran had not understood the full extent of his caring until she had realized Spencer’s love. It was then that she saw her son with new eyes. The way he talks about and acts around him are all the evidence she needs. There is always a special fondness in his voice and face whenever he talks about Reid. She has seen that same fondness when the pair is together. Now, she only has to make Derek face the truth, the one she suspects he has been hiding from for a while.
“What?!” He cannot be more surprised that she says that so confidently. His mother thinks he is in love with his best friend, a man! He has never even looked at a man before!
“Don’t try to deny it! Derek Morgan, you call the man Pretty Boy.”
“Yeah…but—”
“Don’t interrupt!”
“Sorry, Mama,” Derek replies meekly. He may be a big, bad, alpha FBI agent but his mother is the one person he willingly submits to. She raised three equally stubborn children, mostly alone. Fran is a force to be reckoned with.
“You call him Pretty Boy. You tease him incessantly but only him. You don’t tease the rest of your team like you do him. You are constantly touching him. Baby, I don’t think you even realize how much you are doing it. You’re always talking about him with indescribable affection, much more than anyone else, from work or otherwise. At the BBQ, you brought him a plate filled with the food he likes and coffee, just the way he likes it. You didn’t do that for anyone else… And none of your team seemed to think anything of it. It was obviously not the first time you had done that.”
For the second time that night, Morgan is stunned. *I do all that? How did I not realize what I was doing? Is Mama right? Do I have feelings for Reid?*
“What about…?” Derek can’t quite spit out his name, Buford, but Fran hears it all the same. After Carl Buford had been arrested, Derek had finally told his mother about what the man had done to him. The tearful, shame-filled confession had been a relief to him. Hiding his pain and shame from his mother had been hard. For the first time, he had allowed himself to not be the strong one, to let down his guard. He finally faced what happened. He faced that he was not blame and that it didn’t happen because he wasn’t strong enough. Morgan finally completely accepted that he is blameless. Buford solely holds the blame for taking advantage of a vulnerable fatherless boy who trusted him. It took awhile but the two overcame their guilt and shame and came out with an even stronger relationship.
“Oh, Baby. What that man did to you has nothing to do with Spencer, or your feelings for him. And you know it! You cannot possibly compare the two.”
Her reply loosens a bit of the tension in his body because he knows it’s true. Buford and Reid are worlds apart, universes apart. Buford is darkness consumed with betrayal, pain, anger, and shame. Reid is a pure, shining light filled with kindness, goodness, and love. Morgan tentatively asks, “You’re…okay with this?”
“Derek, you’re my baby boy. Always have been and always will be. I love you no matter what. Nothing, I mean absolutely nothing in this world could ever make me stop loving you. Nothing could ever make your sisters stop loving you either.”
Morgan can hear her unspoken message: that if either of his sisters dared react with judgment, they’d have to deal with her. And all three of them are a little afraid of Fran, with good reason. She’s a dangerous and terrifying adversary, especially when one of her children is threatened. His mother had married his father at a time where inter-racial relationships were still very taboo. It took strength to withstand the constant judgments, hate, and racial slurs. Strength is something Derek has always known his mother has an abundance of.
“Dr. Reid is a brilliant and wonderful man. He has all the qualities you need in a mate: he’s fiercely loyal, honest, endearing, sensitive, and intelligent. He’s attractive and trustworthy, dedicated and kind. And he cares. Spencer understands you. He understands the long hours, the toll your job can have on a person because he lives it too. And he loves you, exactly as you are, flaws and all. And I believe he has for longer than we know. If you take the time, you’ll be able to see that as easily as I can. I think Spencer could make you happy, Derek. How could I not want that for you? You deserve to be happy, baby, regardless of what you might think. And so does Spencer.” His mother pauses, her tone serious “I know you are terrified of relationships. I know a relationship with him is even more frightening because you are both men. I was scared about being with your father, too. But I loved him and I wasn’t willing to give him up because of fear or the fact that other people thought that our love was wrong, was sinful. I have never regretted choosing him, never regretted our love or our time together. Anyone you love, no matter who you love, Derek, loving someone is never wrong. You will never find another person like Spencer. Never. Nor do I think you’ll find anyone who loves you as much he does or will be as devoted to you. Don’t let him go. Don’t let your chance of happiness fly by because he’s not what you expected to find. Don’t let him go because you are too scared about what others might think,” his mother pleads. Fran believes with all her heart that Spencer is the best thing to ever happen to her son and she can only pray that Derek will see that.
Morgan is immensely relieved by her acceptance. It’s one less thing to worry about. He doesn’t have a lot of time for doubts, fears, and identity crises, not with Spencer running. Her words and pleas give him a lot to think about. His mama has yet to steer him wrong. He can’t imagine how she could be wrong about something she seems to be absolutely sure about. “Okay, Mama. I’ll find Reid…and figure this out.”
“One more thing, Derek. You have always had a need to take care of others, to protect people who are vulnerable. Spencer, he has never had anyone do that for him. He needs someone that will protect and care for him, even if it’s only against himself. You know that his childhood has left scars on him, on his self-esteem and self-worth; we’ve talked about it before. Spencer deserves someone who loves him, and Derek, I believe that person is you.”
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