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Pretty Boy: Reprise	By : Wagamama_hime Category: 1 through F > Criminal Minds Views: 5108 -:- Recommendations : 1 -:- Currently Reading : 2
Disclaimer: I do not own Criminal Minds. It is the sole intellectual property of the CBS Corp. This is a work of fiction and I am making no profit from its publication.

Chapter List
- 5
- 6
- 7
Chapter 6
A/N: Hmm… what to say about this chapter? Well, first off, the events that happen in this chapter were part of the reason why I wanted write the sequel in the first place. It contains more insight into Spencer's past that I just couldn't find a way to fit, organically, into the original. But, with that said, it's dark and probably disturbing. So, for those of you who need it, I will say that this chapter probably qualifies as one needing a 'Trigger Warning.' Thus, readers beware. However, it starts out rather nicely with early-morning sex so… yeah… a weird chapter… But, I like it. And I hope you all will as well!
As always, thanks to everyone who took the time to leave me a comment on chapter 5! I love hearing from you, and I try to respond to everyone who leaves one. Thanks as well to my beta, A_WarriorZ_Haven for all her help with this story!
Strong 'feels' ahead, kiddies.
xoxo

Spencer awoke with a start, pulse racing and heart in his throat. Bleary-eyed and panicking, as he tried to get a bearing on his surroundings, Spencer realized he had been jolted from sleep by a nightmare. A version of a nightmare he had been having for months. It wasn't simply the fact that he had had a nightmare that caused him distress. He had always been plagued by nightmares, from as early as he could remember.
The nightmares that had started when he was little were often of his parents arguing, followed by his dad storming out, telling Spencer that he didn't think they were good enough to stay. He would wake up from those angry—angry that the thought of his father could still cause him pain, even though he had been gone for almost ten years. Then, in his teens, a new horror had been thrown into the mix. These nightmares featured numerous faceless men who only wanted to hurt or trick him. He woke up from those trembling and ashamed, often unable to swallow, eyes wet and a whimper stuck in his throat. But, lately, the newest addition to his repertoire of nightmares gripped him with terror and had him jolting from his sleep, sweating, wide-eyed and breathless, scared for his life. These were the times Adrian Moore would visit him.
That had been what had just caused him to wake up in a fit of panic. This particular nightmare had been less… violent than the rest, but had scared him more than the usual. In this dream, Moore wasn't torturing him. It wasn't to Spencer that he was whispering all the dark and depraved things he wanted to do. In this dream, Derek was the one who was being hurt by Moore. And Moore promised to continue to hurt Derek until and unless Spencer submitted to him. Until Spencer came to him willingly and begged Moore to take him away. Away from his new life at school. Away from his mother. Away from Derek. It had caused Spencer to feel like there was a vice around his heart, squeezing and squeezing until it almost felt like it would burst.
Waking up like that, Spencer had felt a deep sense of helplessness. It terrified him to think that he could ever be in that situation again—facing down a threat like Adrian Moore, and the anxiety he experienced every waking moment, worrying if he would be taken away if he let his guard down for just one second. He couldn't imagine ever willingly giving in to someone like Moore. But, in his dream, Moore had been threatening Derek. It wasn't lost on Spencer how scared he had been at the thought of Derek being in danger because of him. Of Derek being hurt because of him. Spencer knew that, if faced with that ultimatum in reality, he would sacrifice himself for Derek. He knew this with certainty.
Whimpering, Spencer turned on to his side, melding his body to the larger, warmer one lying next to him. Heart still pounding at a rapid-pace, Spencer tried to will himself to calm down as he reverently looked at Derek's peaceful, sleeping face. Spencer didn't know what time it was, but judging by the fact that the room was still quite dark, only a few gray streaks of light peeking around the edges of the curtains, he could only guess it was still in the early hours of the morning. But what little light was cast into the room was enough by which Spencer could appreciate the features of Derek's face.
He was somewhat envious that Derek seemed so calm, while at the same time thankful that he hadn't disturbed the older man's sleep. It was nice that someone could find solace in their dreams. Spencer wanted that kind of comfort. And, although he was hesitant to take the liberty to do it, Spencer knew he wanted to touch Derek. He wanted to feel his closeness and his warmth. He inherently knew that it would make him feel safe. Being in Derek's presence had kept the reminder of Adrian Moore at bay for days. He hadn't experienced anything like that in the six months since Moore's death.
Letting his eyes rove over Derek's handsome features, Spencer tentatively raised his hands to Derek's face. The tips of his fingers traced Derek's brows, then lightly moved to his nose, cheeks and lips. He watched with fascination as Derek's lips twitched, and the man let out a soft sound, but he didn't seem bothered by Spencer's ministrations. Smiling softy to himself, Spencer allowed his hands to continue their path, trailing gently down Derek's chin and neck and caressing his collarbones. Derek let out another sound, this time definitely sounding pleased, and shifted a bit, rolling on to his back.
Spencer followed, his hands moving over Derek's powerful arms, lingering slightly, as he always did, on Derek's tattooed skin. Spencer smiled fondly as he felt the heat Derek gave off thrumming underneath his fingertips. Leaning over, he pressed his cheek against the hard planes of Derek's chest, allowing himself to listen to the strong heartbeat within. Sighing contentedly as he felt himself finally calming down, Spencer had to admit that it was nice to be able to be close to someone like this. Instead of having to be on guard or feeling like he needed to be suspicious of another person's motivations.
In the little time he had spent with Derek, Spencer had learned so many things about himself. He had learned how to let go and enjoy another's presence. How to allow himself to be vulnerable. While these feelings were unfamiliar, and at times nerve-wracking, Spencer also felt unbridled. Almost like he had suddenly learned how to breathe for the first time. And Derek had made him physically feel so many new things, too, Spencer thought to himself with a blush. It was like his body had changed. As if some kind of switch had been flicked.
Sex was… confusing to Spencer; he had only ever known that it was supposed to be used to get things. He had pursued Derek relentlessly, with one goal on his mind. Although he didn't exactly know what he was doing, Spencer knew that his one bargaining chip was to make Derek want him. He knew Derek was attracted to him, and he believed that after getting Derek to admit that he wanted his body, maybe he could convince Derek to want his company and his affection, as well. To want more of Spencer.
And although Spencer had decided that he wanted to capitalize on Derek's attraction to him, it had never really crossed his mind to wonder about whether he would actually 'like' it or not once they actually had sex. All things relating to sex had always been unpleasant to him, so he figured it didn't matter if he enjoyed it or not—he figured he never would. All he knew was that Derek would never intentionally hurt him. He was certain of that. And that was enough for him; he had no other expectations.
So Spencer was almost flabbergasted by how much he had actually liked it. How he had begun to crave Derek's touch, and anticipate the moment when the older man's eyes would land on him. Whenever Derek looked at him, or casually put his arm around his shoulder, pulling him close, or even when the words 'Pretty Boy' easily slipped from his lips, it sent a jolt of desire down Spencer's spine. Spencer didn't know if he should be ashamed of this, or embarrassed. But, what he felt for Derek was unlike anything he had ever felt for anyone else. He had never wanted anyone, or anything, like he wanted Derek Morgan.
Biting his lip, as the thoughts began to cause his body to heat up, Spencer couldn't help but rub his thighs together to try to staunch the desires he already knew were coming to life inside of him. Sitting up, he glanced at Derek's sleeping face, checking to see if the older man would wake up. Derek still appeared to be deeply asleep. But, that didn't change the fact that Spencer was starting to feel… well, rather horny. He wanted to feel Derek's body against his. More than just feeling his skin, Spencer thought, as he let the palm that was still resting on Derek's chest flex against the smooth canvass, I want to feel all of him.
Hesitating for a second, and feeling bashful for wanting to do it in the first place, Spencer threw caution to the wind and allowed his hand to trail from its position on Derek's chest down the hard planes of his stomach, inching under the sheet covering the older man's waist, until his fingers met with the base of Derek's cock. Looking up quickly, to check to see if Derek had been roused by his movements, Spencer let out a small breath, relieved to see that the man still seemed blissfully unaware of what was happening to him.
Lips curving up in a small smile, as he felt slightly emboldened by Derek's peaceful face, Spencer closed his fingers around the thick appendage and slowly began to stroke from base to tip and back again. It only took a few moments before Derek's body started to respond, and Spencer could feel him hardening in his hand. Glancing up at Derek's face, Spencer was fascinated to see the man's brows furrowing and jaw clenching. And then, as Spencer's fisted hand stroked across the tip, grip a bit tighter this time, Derek let out a low, soft moan, that caused liquid heat to pool in Spencer's stomach.
Spencer gasped, hearing Derek's breathy moan. He was shocked by how much it turned him on. He felt so… in control. He continued to look on, captivated by the expressions flitting over Derek's face, as he sped up his stroking, feeling Derek grow and grow in his hand. His eyes glanced away from Derek's face for a moment, as he watched his hand moving beneath the sheet and blushed at the obvious outline of Derek's now engorged cock. For some reason, Spencer thought it would make what he was doing somehow more deviant if he actually looked at Derek's naked flesh while the other man was sleeping, so he had contented himself with touch alone. But, now he suddenly felt particularly curious (maybe even a bit mischievous), and found himself seriously considering pulling the sheet back, so he could get a better look at what he was doing.
But Derek could remain oblivious for only so long, as Spencer continued to stroke his stiffening cock. And when Spencer glanced back up again, to check to see if Derek was still sleeping before he uncovered him, he was met with sleepy, yet smoldering, dark eyes.
"Well, good morning to you, too, Pretty Boy," Derek said, voice gravelly with sleep, but playful nonetheless.
Spencer couldn't help but tense, knowing he had been caught, feeling his face heat up. But, he only tentatively licked his lips as he stilled in his movements.
"Morning, Derek," he whispered, as he looked shyly into Derek's eyes, hoping his cheeks weren't quite as red as they felt at that moment.
Spencer had to hold back a sound of surprise as he felt Derek's cock literally twitch in his hand once the words had slipped out past his lips. Grinning to himself, Spencer resumed his strokes, this time almost tortuously slow, as he looked up at Derek from beneath his lashes.
"To what do I owe this… pleasant surprise," Derek said on a pleased sigh, as he folded his arms behind his head and leaned back, looking down at the movement of Spencer's hand beneath the sheet.
"I… was in the mood?" was all Spencer could say, with one eyebrow arched playfully and a small smile on his face.
"Kid, it's very nice to hear that, but don't start writing checks you won't be able to cash," Derek said with a lazy grin as he playfully thrusted up into Spencer's touch.
Spencer only smiled back at him, grip tightening teasingly as he maintained his slow pace under the sheet. And as Spencer's hand stroked upward, he let his thumb run across the sensitive head of Derek's cock, smearing the precum he could feel already beading there. Derek's breath hitched as he closed his eyes and let out a low moan as Spencer teased him.
"What makes you think I won't be able to cash it?" Spencer asked, voice dropping into a sultry tone.
Derek opened one eye to look at Spencer, mind torn between giving into the boy's tantalizing touches and talking some sense into him.
"Kid… you gotta think about your body," Derek groaned out, as he closed his eyes and tried to calm his own body down. "We've practically been fucking like rabbits. And I'm not complaining or anything, but aren't you tired… and sore?"
Spencer blushed and sighed softly as he looked up at Derek. He could see—and quite honestly feel, if the hard thickness gripped in his hand was any indication—that Derek wanted him, even if Derek looked like he was making a valiant effort to fight it.
"Yeah, I am sore, but I also… kind of like it," he admitted bashfully. "I like being reminded about the feeling of you inside me. I can feel it all day."
Both Derek's eyes snapped open and Spencer paused, taken aback by the heated look Derek was pinning him with.
"I'll do all the work," Spencer said, after a moment, hoping to convince Derek.
But it didn't seem that Derek needed all that much convincing, judging by the hooded gaze he had fixed on Spencer. Nodding, Derek reached out with his right hand, and felt around on the bedside table. When his hand closed around the bottle of lube, Spencer's stomach clenched in anticipation. He watched as Derek handed the bottle to him and he looked up at him, somewhat confused.
"You did say you'd do all the work," Derek said with a smirk, voice sultry and low, as he whipped the sheet back.
Spencer's blush darkened, but he said nothing as he took the bottle from Derek's hand. Releasing Derek's cock, Spencer placed his hand on Derek's chest and swung his leg over Derek's hip. He lifted himself and then settled down, sitting on Derek's thighs, with his knees on either side of them. Derek watched on with a mixture of amusement and rising lust, as Spencer pushed himself up to a kneeling position and fumbled with the bottle of lube. Finally succeeding in squeezing a thick dollop on to two of his fingers, Spencer tossed the bottle back on to the bed.
Pointedly avoiding Derek's eyes, Spencer shifted himself a bit more, so that he was leaning forward on Derek's chest, and his back was slightly arched. Stretching behind himself with his right hand and using the hand on Derek's chest for leverage, Spencer began to tentatively prod at his sensitive hole with his slickened digits. Derek's eyes immediately dropped down to the sight between Spencer's legs, as he watched the movement of Spencer's long, slender fingers.
"You're going to just watch me?" Spencer asked as he looked up with a pouty glare, stilling his fingers.
"Baby, you don't know how badly I wanna watch you do that," Derek said in a low purr as he placed his large hands on either side of Spencer's hips and squeezed.
Spencer felt his heart leap in his chest and his whole body heated up, like it had been ignited. He couldn't even hide the fact that his own cock was now hard and bobbing against his stomach, even though he found all this to be so embarrassing. Everything was on display for Derek's eyes. Spencer felt a surge of bashfulness, wondering if he should just abandon this bold new endeavor, but he forced it down. He had talked Derek into this and he was going to go through with it.
Glancing away from Derek, Spencer allowed his eyes to slip closed and concentrated on the feeling of his fingers against his hole and Derek's large warm hands on his hips. Relaxing himself, Spencer slowly pushed against his entrance, feeling his muscle resisting, but soon, with a little more pressure, his first finger slipped in. A soft whimper escaped his lips as he felt it breaching him. Spencer could feel Derek squeezing his hips encouragingly. Then, with mouth slightly parted in a gasp, Spencer pushed deeper, shuddering with pleasure as he felt the drag and pull of his skin stretching around his finger. He began to thrust his finger faster and deeper, trying to smother his moans as he began to feel his desire building.
"Looks like you're liking that, Pretty Boy," Derek whispered to him.
Faltering as he was drawn out of his trance-like state, Spencer opened his eyes to look down at Derek who was practically grinning up at him, with a smoldering look in his eyes. Spencer could barely suppress the moan that threatened to slip past his lips. Closing his eyes to block out the sight, he realized that looking at Derek was almost enough, in itself, to get him off.
Concentrating, Spencer slipped another finger into his tight hole and there was no controlling his moan this time. Loving the feeling of being filled, he quickly worked himself back up to the same fast pace, as his fingers sunk in and out of his heat. Derek watched, with rapt attention, as Spencer writhed above him, eyes closed and lips parted, practically bouncing on his own fingers. Derek felt his mouth going dry, and his cock aching painfully with its need to be buried inside of Spencer, instead of the boy's fingers.
"Don't force yourself to go too fast," Derek warned, voice slightly breathy as he continued to watch Spencer's fingers disappear inside of himself. "Gotta make sure you're stretched out good enough to take my cock."
Spencer snapped his head up to look at Derek, seeming a bit scandalized at Derek's words. And Derek only grinned back at him.
"I-I think I'm good," Spencer moaned out, as he slowly pulled his slickened fingers out. "I just want you inside me."
"Wait a second," Derek said as he shifted one hand off of Spencer's hip, the other holding the boy in place.
Before Spencer could react, he felt two of Derek's thick fingers pushing inside of him. He gasped breathily, and couldn't help pushing back on Derek's fingers. Derek's fingers just felt so different from his own. Thick and rough; they were so much better. As Derek spread his fingers inside of him, Spencer let out a strangled moan and fell forward, elbows resting on Derek's chest. He tucked his face into the side of Derek's neck, as if he wanted to hide the sounds of his moans, but the muffled sounds still reached Derek's ear. As Spencer panted against his neck, Derek let out an appreciative sound of encouragement, and thrusted his fingers inside of him a few more times, alternating between spreading his fingers and pushing in deep. With every slide of his fingers, Spencer gasped and moaned against him. Derek could feel Spencer's cock sliding wetly against his stomach and knew the boy was already teetering on the edge.
"Ok, ok, it's your show now," Derek said as he slowly pulled his fingers out and patted Spencer's plump bottom.
He could see Spencer was already trembling on top of him, hairline sweaty and face flushed. Taking the opportunity to steal a kiss, Derek grabbed the back of Spencer's neck and kissed him roughly. Spencer moaned against his mouth and Derek felt his cock throb. He quickly grabbed the bottle of lube, squeezing some out, and reached behind Spencer to roughly slick his own cock.
"Come on Pretty Boy, show me what you got," he said against Spencer's lips.
Moaning, Spencer hurried to push himself back up to a kneeling position. Poised like this, above Derek, panting and flushed, Spencer looked wanton and needy. As if he could no longer be bothered with trying to mask his pleasure. Derek watched hungrily as Spencer ran both hands up his own chest, and then through his sweaty hair, pushing the dark tendrils off his face, body stretching and elongating beautifully as he did. When he reached behind himself and grabbed on to the base of Derek's straining cock, Derek couldn't help but tense with sweet anticipation. Then Spencer placed his other hand on Derek's chest, as if to steady himself. Biting his lip, Spencer raised himself so that he was poised above Derek's cock, and let himself settle down a bit until the wide head was pressing against his throbbing opening. Hands still poised on Spencer's hips, Derek couldn't help but focus in on the sight of his thick cock sliding in between Spencer's milky white cheeks.
As Spencer pushed himself down, he hissed and winced when the head slipped inside of him. Derek groaned as he felt Spencer's tight heat envelope him. It was almost suffocating. But in a glorious way. His hands tightened on Spencer's hips as he felt the boy push himself down, inch by painstakingly slow inch, but he willed himself not to move. Spencer was calling the shots and Derek was going to let him be in charge. Sure, he might go insane from need in the meantime, but Derek was a patient man. He knew that the pay off, in the long run, would be worth it.
Already, Derek's mouth had gone dry as he intently watched Spencer's movements above him. One hand braced on Derek's chest, the other hand still gripping the base of Derek's cock as he continued to lower himself, getting accustomed to it. Slowly, slowly, Spencer moved down, sometimes pulling up if it felt too deep, and trying again, until he liked the way it felt. All the while, Derek's hands maintained a tight grip on the pale flesh of Spencer's hips, as if it was a lifeline for him. It very might well have been the only thing keeping Derek in control.
Gasping and moaning quietly, Spencer released his hold on Derek's cock, bringing his other hand to rest on Derek's chest. Then, he pushed himself further down, taking the last few inches, hands twitching on Derek's chest, as if he wanted to grip on to him for dear life. And when Spencer finally let out a sigh of relief, his thighs lightly resting on top of Derek's, Derek threw his head back, moaning loudly. He could feel that he was reaching so deep inside of Spencer, so much more than before, and Spencer's tight, clenching heat felt amazing. All he wanted to do was bury himself inside of him forever, never coming up for air.
Feeling as if he would go crazy if Spencer didn't do something soon, Derek opened his eyes and looked up at Spencer's face. The younger man's eyes were still closed tight, eyebrows slightly furrowed and lips parted in a small 'o.'
"You good?" Derek asked breathlessly, as he stroked Spencer's left hip.
"Mm hmm," Spencer moaned out as his fingernails raked across Derek's chest, sending delicious jolts of electricity through Derek's body. "J-just give me a minute."
"Whatever you want, baby," Derek said, as he continued to stroke his hips hoping to relax him.
It was almost agony for him to be sheathed within that tight heat and unable to move, but being able to look up at Spencer—poised in his lap, stuffed full of his cock, lips parted, and eyes closed, the boy's own cock hard and full resting against his stomach—was more than enough of a turn-on to distract him.
After a few moments, Spencer opened his eyes, and Derek had to bite his lip as he saw the boy's eyes had darkened in hue. Smiling shyly, Spencer tentatively began to move, splaying his hands against Derek's chest and pushing down against him, effectively holding the older man in place, as he raised his hips up. As soon as he did, Spencer gasped and trembled. He rose up until just the head was still lodged within him, and then pushed his hips down, taking all of Derek in one long, slow thrust. A loud moan was ripped from Spencer's lips, echoed by Derek. Spencer's eyes were wide, lips glistening and plump, as he tried a few more tentative thrusts. Once, after taking Derek in all the way to the hilt, Spencer tried swiveling his hips and looked on with surprise as Derek let out a loud groan. Looking awfully pleased with himself, Spencer began to set a pace as he slowly rode Derek, gently bouncing in his lap, fingers running greedily over Derek's chest and nipples.
The boy was moving tortuously slow atop him, and all Derek wanted to do was grab his hips, and thrust into him with all his might. But, watching Spencer, back arched, cheeks flushed, and chest glistening with sweat, he could tell that he was enjoying himself. And that, to Derek, was one of the sexiest things he had ever seen. Instead of taking control, he let his hands rest lightly on Spencer's soft hips, massaging gently, and encouraging him with moans of his own. And Derek watched on, pleasure mounting, as Spencer's hips began to move faster, breathier gasps falling from his swollen lips. Then, Spencer leaned forward a bit on one of his thrusts and let out a loud cry, eyes flying open. Derek almost hissed at the feel of Spencer's fingernails digging into his chest, and the sudden tightening he felt around his cock, but could only smile as he saw the look of sheer bliss on Spencer's face. He had found his prostate. Derek squeezed Spencer's hips again, and Spencer could only raise himself angling to hit that spot again.
"Nnn," Spencer whined as he fisted his hands on Derek's chest, as if he was searching for leverage.
Spencer began to moan out a litany of words, almost like a mantra, as he swiveled his hips on top of Derek, pressing that spot within himself over and over again.
"S-so good. Fuck. Yes, yes… Mmm, Derek… Fucking amazing! I love it... Love you…love you," Spencer panted breathlessly, movements getting faster. "So good. I'm so close. Please… ungh… please, Derek, please…"
Derek couldn't help but stiffen when he heard the words slipping from Spencer's mouth. Love, he thought. Again? But Spencer's breathy pleas continued to tumble from his mouth, and Derek could hear that the boy was asking for something he wasn't achieving himself. His concern over Spencer's initial words was quickly pushed out of his mind, however, as a smile bloomed on Derek's face. He knew he could give Spencer what he was asking for. Tightening his grip on Spencer's hips, Derek thrust up, causing Spencer to let out a surprised gasp as he grappled to find a hold on Derek's shoulders. Keeping to the angle Spencer had found, Derek gave another thrust, this time harder, and Spencer let out a long moan, nails digging into Derek's flesh.
"There?" Derek asked as he held on to Spencer, one arm wrapped around his lower back, the other tight around his shoulders.
"Y-yes, yes! Oh God!" Spencer gasped.
Hearing that, Derek held Spencer in that position, thrusting hard against him, and Spencer found himself letting out embarrassing, high pitched wails as Derek proceeded to pound against his prostate. The force of the thrusts had Spencer's cock rubbing and sliding wetly against the hard planes of Derek's stomach, sending jolts of pleasure through him. The onslaught of sensation was so overwhelming he was almost crying from it. And then with three more hard thrusts, Spencer was screaming his orgasm, sending white spurts of come all over Derek's stomach.
Spencer collapsed against Derek's chest and held on weakly as he felt Derek's hips continue to move, setting a rapid, erratic pace as he sought out his own release. Spencer whimpered as more sensations flooded his over-sensitized body. But soon, Derek was stiffening beneath him, muscular arms squeezing him tight, as he came. Spencer moaned when he felt Derek's cock pulsing inside of him, knowing that Derek was filling him with his come.
Sweaty and breathing hard, skin sticking to skin, Derek fell back against the bed, taking Spencer with him, holding him close. He stroked Spencer's back as they both tried to regain their breaths. After a few moments, Derek rolled them on to their sides and eased his softening cock out of Spencer's tight heat. Spencer moaned softly against his ear, already feeling the sticky come between his thighs, and not minding it one bit. Eyes closed, he stuck close to Derek, arms still wrapped around him, as he basked in the aftershocks of his orgasm, content to just lay there with Derek holding him. But then he felt Derek start to twist a bit, albeit it in a way that was aimed at disturbing Spencer in the least, as his hand reached out and began moving noisily on the bedside table in the darkened room, and Spencer muttered a sound of protest. He heard Derek pick something up and then place it back down again.
"Damn kid," Derek whispered against his ear, breathing hard. "It's not even 6 am. I don't know what got in to you to have you so frisky before dawn, but what d'you say we go back to sleep, and when it's time to get up for real I make you breakfast in bed, huh?"
Exhausted, Spencer could only contentedly nod his agreement as he tucked his face into the crook of Derek's neck. Derek could do nothing more than chuckle as he ran his hand through Spencer's messy locks and placed an appreciative kiss against his temple.
As Derek began to drift off, Spencer remained pressed close to Derek's chest. This time he didn't roll away, as he often did when he opted to sleep on his side with his back facing Derek. He liked the idea of sleeping with his head next to Derek's heart like this, the deep sound within a welcome, soothing rhythm. All thoughts of his nightmare gone, Spencer quickly fell asleep, feeling quite sated and at peace.

A few hours later, Derek was stirred from sleep by the feeling of soft caresses on his face. He was stuck on the precipice between sleep and consciousness, but he immediately knew the light touches were coming from Spencer and he was content to let the boy study him. Derek sighed lightly, not opening his eyes, as he basked in the feeling of Spencer's soft, almost reverential, caresses. He could feel Spencer curled up against his chest, bony elbows and knobby knees pressing into his skin, the warmth from the smaller body a notably pleasant feeling to wake up to.
"The curves of your lips rewrite history," Spencer murmured softly.
Derek furrowed his brows and cracked his eyes open slightly. The light spilling in to the room was now bright enough for everything to be seen clearly. He looked down to Spencer's face, noticing that the boy wasn't even looking at him. His eyes were cast downward, obscured by his lashes. But Derek could tell where the boy was looking. He was staring intently at his lips.
"What'd you say?" Derek mumbled, chuckling softly as Spencer jerked back his fingers in surprise, as if he had been caught doing something wrong.
"Huh?" Spencer asked, looking up and meeting Derek's eyes.
"You just said something about my lips?" Derek asked groggily.
"Oh," Spencer said as he blushed. Apparently he hadn't known he was talking out loud.
"It's...just something I remember reading," he admitted, after a pause.
"What was it? It sounded kind of nice," Derek said with a sleepy smile as he took a hold of Spencer's fingers, kissing them softly.
Spencer flushed again.
"I-I said 'the curves of your lips rewrite history,'" Spencer repeated bashfully. "It's by Oscar Wilde… a line from The Picture of Dorian Gray."
"Oh." Derek said, as he thought over the words.
"You think my lips rewrite history?" he asked with a confused smile, brows furrowed.
Spencer ducked his head into the curve of Derek's shoulder as if too embarrassed to look at him.
"I don't know… kind of? It's like since I've been with you, nothing in my past seems to be that bad anymore," Spencer admitted, voice slightly muffled by Derek's warm skin.
Eyebrows raising slightly, Derek quietly considered the boy's words as he lazily stroked up and down his bare back.
"I think I kind of like that," he said finally.
Spencer blushed, but he was happy that Derek hadn't seemed bothered by his frank confession, so he said nothing.
They both settled into a comfortable silence as Derek continued to stroke his hands up and down the warm expanse of Spencer's exposed skin, from his neck to his shoulders and back, and down each of his arms, then up again. Spencer began to melt against him, lulled into an almost dreamlike state by the feeling of the older man's large hands roaming over his skin. Shifting slightly, he threw a leg over Derek's thigh and one arm over his waist. His other arm shifted so that it was lying above both of their heads. Eyes closed, Spencer could only hear Derek's deep, soft chuckle in response to his attempt to get closer to the older man. But Spencer was too happy to care.
He had woken up about ten minutes ago to a room flooded with warm sunlight, telling him that it was around mid-morning. He had been pleased that he had had no further nightmares. And he knew that part of the reason for that was that he felt safe and comfortable sleeping in Derek's protective embrace. He couldn't ask for very much more. Sighing contentedly, as Derek began stroking the arm he had haphazardly draped above their heads, Spencer lazily rested his head against Derek's chest, quite ready to settle back into sleep.
Smiling to himself, pleased with how relaxed Spencer seemed, and liking how he was responding so openly to the petting, Derek's hands continued to lazily run up and down the soft, pale skin of Spencer's arm. Derek couldn't help letting his eyes rove over Spencer, appreciating the look of the boy's relaxed brow, thick lashes and plump and slightly parted lips. Even his skin is beautiful, he thought to himself as he raised his eyes to the milky-white flesh of Spencer's long arm. He began to drag his fingers more slowly, moving from Spencer's wrist up the length of his forearm, smiling to himself as Spencer shivered against him, and dipped his fingers into the soft flesh at the crook of his elbow. But then his eyes zeroed in on something on the skin there and his fingers tightened their grip.
Feeling Derek tense against him, Spencer's eyes shot open and he immediately froze when he realized where Derek was touching. His heart begin to thud rapidly in his chest and he tried to pull his arm away, but Derek's grip remained tight.
"What are these?" Derek asked as he looked at the faint, barely noticeable marks on the boy's pale skin.
Spencer tried to tug his arm away again, face still turned away and pressed against Derek's chest, as he muttered, "What are what?"
Derek frowned as he stared harder at the little scars. As he squinted, he realized they looked like old track marks. He probably would've missed them if he hadn't been paying such close attention to Spencer's skin, and if the boy weren't so pale.
Derek sighed as he released Spencer's arm, noticing that the younger man had grown silent and rigid against him.
"You gonna tell me what that's about?" Derek asked as he pulled away from Spencer, refusing to let the boy hide.
"I don't want to talk about it Derek," Spencer muttered, as he wrapped his arms around himself, apparently feeling the loss of Derek's heat.
"I think we have to," Derek said softly.
But, instead of answering, Spencer rolled on to his other side, facing away from Derek.
Derek watched quietly, staring at the bony ridge of Spencer's spine
"Spencer… I'm not mad or anything, and I'm not going to judge you. I just want to understand this part of your life," Derek explained.
"I… I don't do it anymore," Spencer said after a while, still facing away from him.
"What's 'it,' kid?" Derek asked, needing Spencer to voice it himself.
"You know...um…'shoot up,'" Spencer said softly.
Derek sighed as he shifted closer to Spencer, grabbing him around the waist and pulling him so he was pressing back against him. Derek turned Spencer until the boy's eyes met his.
"And what were you shooting up?" he asked, looking at him with supportive, dark brown eyes.
Spencer blinked rapidly, and Derek wondered if he would start crying, but instead, Spencer's brows lowered and he seemed to steel himself.
"I… It was dilaudid," he whispered.
Derek's brows furrowed in confusion.
"Dilaudid?" he asked in surprise. "That's… not exactly one of the popular street drugs, kid. How'd you get involved with that?"
Spencer averted his eyes, shoulders hunching up a bit, and Derek could tell that Spencer was receding into himself, as if he already believed Derek would be upset with him.
"S-someone gave it to me," Spencer whispered out. "It was…against my will."
Derek's eyes widened in shock, and his grip on Spencer's shoulders tightened.
"Spencer…" he breathed out in disbelief.
Spencer shifted uncomfortably, turning so that his back was facing Derek again and his head was bowed down. But Derek was having none of that and pushed himself up to a sitting position.
"What do you mean against your will?" Derek asked, seriously. "You're telling me someone forcibly injected you?"
Derek could see Spencer flinch at his hard tone, his shoulders and back going rigid, and he had to force himself to calm down. Reaching out, Derek forced Spencer to turn back over, and when Spencer finally gave in, allowing Derek to turn him on to his back, Derek could see that his eyes were closed tightly and his lips were drawn into a tight frown, as if he was trying to block everything out.
"Hey, come here," Derek said as he slid closer, scooping Spencer up into his arms and pulling him into his chest. He was relieved when he felt Spencer's thin arms slide around his waist as the boy embraced him, relaxing slightly against him.
"Tell me… tell me what happened," Derek said, as softly and carefully as he could.
Spencer didn't move for a few moments, and Derek wasn't sure he would be able to coax him into confiding in him, but then he felt Spencer's arms tighten around his waist as Spencer nodded against his shoulder. Sticking close to Derek—maybe because he needed the support, or maybe it was because he couldn't bring himself to look into the older man's eyes while he admitted to these shameful parts of himself—Spencer began to recount the painful memories.
"A-about four years ago… well, I… Um… I wasn't yet working at the Club… or, you know, really doing anything like that full-time. I had… just let some people take some pictures of me, here and there, for extra money. But, it really was never enough. Someone told me that if I… let some people make a…a 'video' of me I could make a lot of money," Spencer said softly.
Derek couldn't help the way his body tensed and his hands tightened their grip on Spencer's shoulders as his mind started to flood with a number of horrifying ways the scenario Spencer was describing could turn out. But, even though Spencer could tell that Derek was distressed by what he was saying, he seemed committed to getting his story out and forced himself to continue.
"I… I was naïve back then, sure, but I wasn't stupid. I wasn't going to… you know, let anyone pay to have sex with me. And especially not to tape it," Spencer said with a slight edge to his voice. "Th-they told me it would be a solo video. Um… that I wouldn't have to do anything with anyone. I would just have to let them do things to me. And then they'd pay me $2500."
Derek remained quiet and Spencer took a deep breath.
"I only accepted it because they told me it really wasn't going to be about sex at all. Um… the guy who was in charge of setting the deal up told me that it was a 'fetish' video and that… uh… that people would get off on just watching what was happening to me. He said I didn't even have to get naked. I thought that sounded pretty great. And I really needed that money. All I could think about was how much that would help; all the things I could do for me and my mom. How things would be easy for once, if only for a little while… But, I should've probably known it was too good to be true," Spencer said, voice getting softer, more vulnerable-sounding.
"Well… apparently the 'fetish' that they wanted me to film for was torture," Spencer said, forcing a sardonic laugh from his lips.
Derek chose not to say anything, knowing Spencer was trying to barrel his way through the story as fast as he could, but Derek didn't find anything about what Spencer was saying to be 'funny' in the slightest. So he just continued to stare down at the top of Spencer's curly head, and squeezed his shoulders softly, in a show of support.
"I... I mean, at first it kind of freaked me out, and I really considered saying no. But, the guy—his name was Mike—he told me that they'd just be hitting me. Nothing really crazy, like… I dunno, I guess whips and chains, and stuff like that? He told me that… because I was 'young,' and I looked even younger, that… that, you know, for some people that was enough to make it 'good' for them. That it was part of some fantasy. And… well, I was no stranger to getting bullied at school so I was accustomed to taking hits. S-so… I thought it would be ok," Spencer said, and at that moment his breath hitched.
Derek could hear Spencer take in a watery-sounding breath, and he had had enough. He had to see Spencer's face. Moving slightly so that he was far enough away to look at Spencer, but not far enough to have to remove his arms from around the boy, Derek forced Spencer to look up at him. When Spencer finally raised his head, it was obvious to Derek that he was fighting to hold back his tears.
"It's ok, kid," Derek said softly.
Spencer looked up at him with shimmering eyes, a mixture of pain and frustration on his face.
"It's...What happened isn't even the worst part, Derek. It's more that I just feel so stupid. Like, how could I just walk into something like that? Again?" Spencer asked, in a strained voice.
Derek frowned as he processed those words.
"Don't say that, Spencer. This has nothing to do with being 'stupid.' If someone did something to you that… that you didn't want, or if something happened that you didn't expect to happen, none of that is your fault. Ok? None of it," Derek said, voice full of conviction.
Spencer just dropped his eyes and shook his head. He let out a soft sigh, and Derek could tell that Spencer didn't believe a word he had said.
"I… when I got to the filming site I had a definite bad feeling in the pit of my stomach. It looked like an abandoned building. I was afraid, but I thought it was just me being overly-cautious. Of course I always knew you can't really trust these types of people. B-but I talked to a few other… I guess 'performers' that had worked on Mike's videos before and they told me everything was pretty much legit. Just that… you know… some of the stuff was kinky. But, when I told them I wouldn't even have to take my clothes off, they told me I had nothing to worry about. So, when I walked into that building and saw these two guys who I had never met before, well… I just thought that was par for the course," Spencer continued, his voice small and detached.
"They introduced themselves to me. They were big guys who told me their names were 'Ivan' and 'Viktor.' I couldn't tell if it was just for the sake of the video or not. To be honest, I didn't really care. They were friendly enough. They made jokes about me being too young for this kind of work. But they didn't really seem to have any trouble getting started," Spencer said, the hard edge returning to his voice.
"When we had stopped with all the small talk they told me that the video would require me to get strapped down to a chair as they hit me and… well, insulted me. It sounded scary. I mean, they had really big muscles. Bigger than yours. And, well, they weren't the type of guys I was used to getting bullied by. They told me they had to hit me for real, but that they'd go easy on me. They just needed to make it look good for the camera. S-so I said yes. And I sat in the chair; I let them tie me down with leather straps. There were three straps across my upper body, pinning my arms to my sides and my back to the chair. Then there were two straps across my thighs and one across my shins. I literally couldn't move… And that's when the real horror started," Spencer whispered.
Already, Derek had felt like he had heard too much. He didn't want to have the image in his mind of Spencer, probably no more than 16 years old, pinned to a chair while two intimidating muscle-bound thugs beat on him to fulfill the sick fantasies of whatever asshole was willing to pay for something like that. But, Derek also knew he had to listen. He inherently knew that Spencer had never told this to another living soul. The Spencer he had met six months ago had learned not to rely on anyone. So the fact that he was being brave enough to divulge this now meant that Spencer had come very far. Derek was proud of him. He would let him finish, because it was what Spencer needed.
A few minutes passed as it seemed Spencer was trying to calm his breathing. Or maybe he was reliving the events in his own mind. In any case, Derek felt Spencer's body lose a bit of its tension and he allowed Spencer to slide close to him again. Spencer tucked his face against Derek's chest, seeming to feel safest there, and let the words continue spilling from his mouth.
"The first couple of hits were easy, like they had promised. They slapped me or shoved me, called me names. They made me say that I 'liked' it. I didn't really like having to do that, but it was easy to pretend and just let the words out. Then… then things escalated. They yanked on my hair and started screaming in my face. I got really scared; they looked like…like completely different people from the guys I had first met," Spencer said, voice flat.
"And then when the first punch came, it caught me by surprise. It was straight to my gut and really knocked the air out of me. I remember gasping and gasping, and the sharp pain. Then, next thing I knew, I was being punched in the face. The punches to the face weren't as strong as the ones to my stomach or chest—I think they were afraid to break anything—but it was still… still way too much to handle. I… I started crying, asking them to stop. But, I don't know if they thought I was doing it for show… you know, like for the camera, or if… if they really didn't care that they were hurting me. But they kept on going," Spencer confessed.
"After about ten more minutes of their abuse, I was bleeding and screaming for them to stop. And when they suddenly did, I thought… I thought 'Ok, finally, it's done.' But… it wasn't done. One of them leaned over me and ripped my shirt straight down the middle. I remember all the buttons flying off and I was too shocked—maybe too disoriented from the pain—to even say a word. Then I felt the other one start tearing at my sleeves. They couldn't get it completely off because of the straps, but… they didn't need to I guess. When I finally was able to ask them what they were doing, I saw one of them walking over to me with a… a syringe. He told me it would help to take the edge off… Help me get through the rest of it," Spencer said, words starting to sound heavy with emotion.
"I told him I didn't want it. I didn't know what was in the needle, but I really, really didn't want it," Spencer said in a teary voice. "But… I couldn't move, Derek. I fought and I screamed and told them not to, but they did it anyway. One held my arm down; the other pushed the needle in. They told me I would thank them for this later. And when he finally injected me, all I remember is feeling this sense of fuzziness. Like I was half asleep, walking in a dream."
Derek could only hold Spencer tight as he felt the wetness that was springing from Spencer's eyes start to spread across his skin. Spencer cried without making a single noise. He just held on to Derek's arms, pressing his face against his chest. He took a few deep, shuddering breaths before it seemed like he had composed himself again.
"Spencer… Spencer, I… That must have been horrible," Derek murmured against his ear.
Spencer sniffled and shook his head.
"I walked in there, Derek. Even knowing that I was going to be letting someone hit me for money, I still sat down and agreed to it," Spencer said, voice laced with derision for himself.
"No, Spencer. You were just a kid. Whether you wanted to do any of those things or not, the people who did them to you were adults and they should have known better. They shouldn't have asked you to do anything like that. They're the ones at fault, not you. You have to believe that Spencer," Derek said in a firm voice.
Spencer just shook his head again and averted his eyes, before he continued speaking.
"After they gave me the drugs, I… I don't know if I blacked out. I just can't really remember what happened. I had never taken anything before, and I think whatever dose they gave me was really strong. When I… Well, the next thing I remembered was coming to. I was still strapped in the chair but my body was aching all over. I could taste blood in my mouth and I already knew my face was swollen. It was hard to open one of my eyes. But when I looked down I could see that all my… all my clothes were gone, except for my underwear. I guess they cut the rest of it off at some point. And… when my thoughts finally cleared a bit more… I realized that there was come all over my chest and legs," Spencer said, voice still muffled against Derek's chest.
"Spencer…" Derek said, with alarm.
But Spencer ignored him as his shoulders stiffened. It was obvious that he hadn't liked the note of pity he heard in Derek's voice.
"I was still really out of it, so I hadn't noticed that Ivan and Viktor were in the room with me. They came over to me, asking me if I was alright. I don't know how long I had been out, but apparently they had finished everything they needed to do for their little video. I didn't even see the camera anywhere anymore. They undid the straps and when I was finally free, one of them handed me a towel. He told me to wipe my face. I realized they had come on me there too," Spencer said bitterly.
"But it hurt even to raise my arms to do that. When I pulled the towel away from my face I could see how much I was bleeding. I didn't… I remember being afraid of even trying to look at my face. Ivan and Viktor were talking to me—I think they were telling me I did a good job or something—but I could barely pay attention to them. I just… I just wanted to get out of there. I could see all the bruises all over my body. And all I could think about was 'where are my clothes' and, really, if they would even let me leave," Spencer continued.
"But then they were lifting me to my feet and out of the chair. As soon as I stood up I felt this shooting pain in my foot. And when I jumped back, I reached out to grab on to one of them, and I felt a similarly awful pain in my left arm. Holding me up, Viktor and Ivan explained that they had hit me with a metal pipe on my foot and they had twisted my arm while I had been drugged. Apparently these were specific requests," Spencer almost spat.
"They had the gall to look almost apologetic, but I could barely stand up. I had no clothes. And I had no idea how I was going to get home. I started to panic. But then they brought me some spare clothes; some sweats and a hoodie and t-shirt. After I got dressed, they handed me a thick white envelope and I could already tell that that was my money. They told me that they had called me a cab, and that I should just go home and rest up. But, I knew that since I could barely even put any pressure on my foot it was most likely broken. I told them I probably needed to go to a hospital. And then… then Ivan grabbed me and suggested—in a way that didn't really sound like a suggestion—that it was better if I just went home and slept it off," Spencer said as he shuddered a bit. "I guess maybe they were afraid of the cops getting involved."
"He then shoved four small vials into my hand and told me that I could use those to manage my pain. I… I just wanted to get out of there, so I told him I would listen to him, put the bottles in my pocket and let them walk me to the door. Thankfully the cab was already waiting outside. And when I got in… well, the first thing I did was ask the driver to take me to the hospital. No matter what Ivan told me, I knew I wouldn't be able to do anything if I didn't get myself checked out," Spencer said.
Derek found himself nodding in approval, relieved that Spencer had been smart. That he had gotten out of the situation without any further damage being done to him, and that he had not let the man browbeat him into going home with injuries. For a sixteen-year-old in such a terrifying situation, Derek was almost floored by how strong Spencer had been. But he also hated the idea that Spencer had had to be in that type of situation in the first place.
"When I was finally seen at the hospital, I had to make up some story about being mugged," Spencer continued. "And I guess I looked bad enough that they believed me, but one of the nurses seemed like she thought I was assaulted—like someone had beat me up on purpose. She even asked me if there was an at-home domestic violence situation. But I told her no. They gave me x-rays and while my face looked pretty bad, there was no real damage there, just swelling. I did, however, have a spiral fracture in my left arm and a hairline fracture in my foot. I remember feeling really angry because almost all my money went to paying for the exams and treatment. It was really like none of what I had gone through had been worth it. And that suspicious nurse really wanted me to get a sexual assault kit done, too, but I refused. I wasn't going to let them do that to me-"
"Spencer, are you serious? You don't… Kid, you were unconscious for most of it; you didn't have any idea what they did to you," Derek said in an incredulous voice.
"I know they didn't do anything," Spencer said defensively, body tensing and showing his discomfort with the topic. "I… I would've felt it, don't you think? I mean, I hurt practically everywhere, but not there… And I knew… I knew they hadn't removed my underwear. They were honest about that at least."
Derek couldn't believe what he was hearing. On one hand, he did understand—maybe a little too well. Spencer was younger back then, and naïve. Maybe it made sense that he would so foolishly believe that 'nothing had happened' simply because that was what had been promised. But Derek was even more appalled to think that Spencer sounded like he still believed that now. It was a deep form of denial. But maybe that was the only way Spencer had been able to make peace with the things that had been done to him against his will. And, really, who was Derek to judge? Spencer had been through a singularly horrific experience in itself, just by being bound to a chair and abused. What good did it do to have him worry about whether he had been assaulted when he was unconscious? That was all in the past now. Sometimes it was just easier to leave things there. Derek knew that from personal experience, too.
Sighing to himself, Derek decided he wouldn't argue with Spencer. Instead, he would comfort him.
"Ok, kid, ok," he said as he wrapped his arms around Spencer, even though Spencer's body language seemed to show that he was resistant to Derek's hug. "I… We don't have to talk about that anymore. Alright? It's in the past, and I'm just happy to know you got out of that and you're ok now."
Spencer slowly relaxed into Derek's embrace, as if he finally believed the sincerity of Derek's words. Or maybe he was just exhausted. Tired of rehashing painful memories of the past. Tired of feeling as if he had to be on his guard with how much he revealed about himself to others. But there was also something somewhat freeing about getting all this off his chest. Spencer had been alone for so long. Even when he had been still living with his mother, it felt like he was all by himself because she could so very rarely 'be there' for him. She couldn't support him or comfort him when he felt scared or overwhelmed. Spencer had had to do that job for the both of them.
Really, Spencer had felt like he had had to fend for himself since he was barely ten years old. Things had just gotten increasingly harder the older he got. But now Derek was here. Derek was willing to listen. And even though Spencer sometimes got defensive because he was ashamed or he thought Derek was being too understanding (something in Spencer found that to be somewhat patronizing), he knew that Derek's true intent was always just to comfort him. Spencer just didn't always know exactly how to accept that. But he was willing to try.
"I wish I had never taken that job…" Spencer murmured after a while, cutting into the silence that had settled over the room. "Things… things just got so much worse after that. I… I felt really stupid for having let those guys do that to me. I was angry that I got hurt again. And angry that I had been through all that, yet didn't even really have any money to show for it. And… I was just in pain, in general. Bruised, sore; my mother hadn't even said anything when she saw me come home like that. I just wanted to forget for a little while, so I… I tried the stuff in the vials that Ivan gave to me. Reading the label I knew it was called 'dilaudid'—I knew it was some kind of narcotic pain reliever. But I just didn't care… it made me feel good."
Derek sat quietly as he listened to Spencer's explanation. It pained him to hear Spencer talk about feeling so trapped and alone. And he hated that Spencer sounded like he was blaming himself; like he thought, for some reason, that any of this was his fault. He could hear Spencer take another deep breath, and thought for a second that he could feel Spencer trembling slightly in his arms. Derek steeled himself, knowing that Spencer was going to tell him more.
"I… I used it for about a year," Spencer confessed. "N-not all the time. Only when things got really bad. I didn't think I had a problem or anything. I was just tired. I was tired of working so hard, doing so many jobs that barely paid me enough to keep the lights on and to keep up with my mother's meds. I was tired of coming home to a mother who half the time didn't even recognize who I was. Who, because of that, sometimes didn't even trust me. She wouldn't take the pills. Some days she wouldn't eat. I didn't know how to keep her healthy anymore… she was getting so much worse. So, I started asking myself 'What's the point?'"
A long silence filled the room—as if Spencer was mulling over the thoughts and feelings he had just admitted to—before he began speaking again.
"…there came a time when I wouldn't come home for awhile; days at a time, even," Spencer said as he rolled on to his side, turning away from Derek, as if, for this part of the story, he didn't want the older man looking at him.
"I had started working as a waiter at one of the clubs owned by the same people who ran Mon Petit Chien. It didn't pay nearly as much as… you know… 'dancing,' but back then I told myself that I would never stoop that low," Spencer said with a rueful-sounding laugh. "Because the hours were so weird, I was staying over at the place of one of the girls from the club. She… she was very nice, but she knew that sometimes I used the dilaudid and she also had some… some other 'things' to try… It wasn't exactly the best environment for me… She… she got me in touch with a guy who could get more of the dilaudid for me. I guess I had started to develop a habit and didn't know it'd be so hard to get prescription drugs when you really needed them. It was expensive, but he didn't exactly want money… So, we had an arrangement. B-but the vials lasted a while, so I only had to do that three or four times," Spencer said quickly.
Before Derek had a chance to open his mouth, Spencer rushed forward, as if he didn't want to hear Derek's thoughts on what he had just said.
"Well, one of the days I was passed out on my friend's couch, high as a kite, and without a care in the world, I got a call at around 5 in the morning. It… it was one of my neighbors," he said, voice breaking slightly with emotion. "They told me there had been a f-fire. I hadn't been coming home. I used to make all my mom's meals, and I guess… I guess she got hungry and decided to cook something for herself this time. U-usually she'd never do that. My mom hated cooking. When she was having a good day, she would just order out. And even if it was one of the bad days, if she was hungry she'd just make a sandwich. I always kept the fridge stocked. Bu-but this time—this one time, she decides to cook a-and she… The whole place burned down. I-if someone hadn't noticed the smoke my mom could've… She would've…"
Hearing how Spencer's words had gotten lost in the sobs that started to slip from his lips, Derek couldn't stop himself from sidling up behind Spencer and wrapping his arms around the boy's shaking form.
"Shh, shh," Derek whispered against Spencer's ear. "It's ok. It's ok."
Spencer began to cry openly, trembling in Derek's arms. Derek tried to calm him down; tried to get him to stop talking. But Spencer wanted to get the words out.
"Because of me...she had to experience something as scary as that. Because of me, the only person she had to rely on, she almost died, Derek! M-my mom… my mom is a paranoid schizophrenic. She's been sick my entire life. She… she's made so many sacrifices for me. And I… I just left her. I was selfish and I gave up. I didn't want to care anymore. And that just… that was the worst thing I had ever done in my life," Spencer said, amongst broken sobs.
"Don't blame yourself, Spencer," Derek said, as he gripped Spencer tighter. "We all make mistakes. Your mom wasn't well. You can't take that all on your shoulders, kid."
Shaking his head in disagreement, Spencer let himself cry for a little while longer, hands crossed over Derek's arms which were locked tight around him. Feeling like he wanted Spencer closer—needed the boy to engage with him, see him as someone he could trust—Derek turned Spencer in his arm and encouraged him to lay his head back on his chest. When Spencer finally calmed himself a bit more, he took another deep breath before continuing on.
"When I got to my house, after getting the call from my neighbor, everything had practically gone up in smoke. There was nothing left. But what was even worse is that the fire had spread to one of our other neighbors' house. It had caused damage, but… but it wasn't anything significant. They hadn't lost their home. But, they knew my mom was sick and, honestly, had just been putting up with her. She had caused some other trouble in our neighborhood before, but those past things had just been inconveniences—nothing serious; nothing dangerous. But, with the fire, that was the last straw. The… there were concerns that my mom was a public menace and… Well, people came to talk to me, about needing to put her a-away somewhere before she could hurt someone else. It was practically that or filing charges against her," Spencer said in a tight voice.
"I didn't want to send my mom away… I never wanted to do something like that to her. But, I also… I didn't want any of them to start poking around. I was only 17… I had more than half a year to go before I was an adult. I didn't want them to find out that I had nowhere else to go and make me a ward of the state. I felt really backed into a corner; like I had no choice. The social worker offered to put her in a state facility but… the least I could do was put her somewhere nice, you know? That… Well, that's why I took the job at Mon Petit Chien. Within a month of the fire, I had my mom checked in to the Bennington Sanitarium and I was… I was… 'performing' at the Club. And I never touched dilaudid again," Spencer said.
He then took a deep breath, letting it out in a big whoosh, like he was letting all his demons out with it. After Spencer finished telling his story, silence descended on the room. As the seconds passed by, it seemed as if the silence grew, putting more and more distance between them like it was a tangible thing. But Derek needed to process. Spencer had just told him so much. So very many awful things. There were so many things Derek wanted to say, but it was impossible for him to even decide which he should tackle first. But as he spent time thinking about it, he could feel Spencer's body stiffening in his arms. He had to let Spencer know that none of what he had just told him would change anything between them.
"Kid… I know that must've been so hard on you… To go through all of that, on your own. I just… I can't imagine anyone else being able to carry such a heavy burden. Being so strong. And I'm just really happy you trust me enough to tell me all this," Derek finally said, giving Spencer's arms a reassuring squeeze.
Spencer nodded and kept his head tucked against Derek's chest. He began to wipe at his eyes and cheeks, as if just noticing the trail of tears that stained his face. Derek squeezed him again, rubbing his back, and hoping that he could give Spencer some kind of comfort.
"Derek… I know something bad happened to you, too," Spencer whispered quietly after a while.
Derek tensed, his arms tightening around Spencer.
"What do you mean, Pretty Boy?" Derek asked, keeping Spencer close to his chest.
"Well...wh-whenever I tell you about… um… the things that've happened to me, you always squeeze me really tight," Spencer began.
"It's because I want you to know I'm here for you kid," Derek said immediately.
"But, you get this look in your eyes and… well, Derek, I just feel like I know. And of course, I don't expect you to ever feel obligated to tell me about it, but knowing that you understand makes it easier for me to tell you what's happened to me. It makes it so I feel less ashamed… less angry with myself, and less like I have to hide it. And I hope that maybe someday I could return the favor to you if you ever did want to share with me," Spencer said quietly.
Derek was silent for a few moments, and Spencer said nothing, even though the man's tight grip had become almost painful. But then Derek was sighing and he relaxed his arms around Spencer.
"Kid… not yet. I'm… I just can't. Not yet," was all Derek could say.
"I know. It's ok. Whenever—and if ever—you do want to, I'll listen," Spencer said as he pressed his cheek against Derek's warm chest. "Because it really means so much that you listened to me. Thank you for listening to me, Derek."
Silently, Derek just nodded, as he held Spencer tight.

After such an emotional start to their morning, Spencer and Derek had unwittingly fallen back to sleep. By the time they woke up, it was already almost noon, and, thus, Derek's promise of breakfast in bed had turned into lunch in the living room. Spencer hadn't objected, knowing that if he lounged around in bed any longer he probably would never get up. He had a splitting headache—probably from all the crying—and his body was stiff and achy. A long shower had quickly solved most of those issues, and by the time Spencer walked down the stairs, Derek was showered and dressed, and plating their lunch.
They ate grilled chicken sandwiches with bacon and cheddar. They enjoyed each other's company. They didn't talk about any of the things that had been discussed upstairs. Derek wanted to give Spencer some space. He had felt so privileged that the younger man had trusted him enough to divulge such long-held secrets to him. And he got the impression that Spencer didn't want him to feel 'sorry' for him. So, Derek was willing to give Spencer whatever he needed in that moment. But Derek really did think talking had helped him. Spencer seemed somewhat lighter; as if some weight had been lifted. However, Derek also noticed that Spencer stuck close to him throughout the day. Not really 'touching,' but there was rarely any more than a few inches between them. As if, somehow, Spencer took comfort in his presence. But Derek understood that. After all the things Spencer had told him, the boy probably felt emotionally raw.
But sometimes Spencer would get quiet, or the conversation would trail off, and Derek could tell that the younger man was lost in his own thoughts; most likely drawn back to those vivid moments that had only taken place a few years ago but which probably still felt as 'fresh' as if they had happened yesterday. And Derek didn't want Spencer to spend his day wallowing in the 'mistakes' he thought he had made in his past. So Derek suggested they go out.
"Let's take Clooney for a walk," Derek offered as he shifted from his position on the couch.
He and Spencer had settled on the couch following lunch; Derek, watching a game, and Spencer flipping through a book at his usual alarmingly-fast rate. Spencer's legs were curled up next to his; again, not touching, but close enough that if he stretched a few inches he could if he wanted to. Derek had thought it was cute when he noticed that Spencer wore mismatched socks, one gray, the other purple. It was the first time he had realized that and when he asked Spencer about it, the boy had blushed and explained it was 'superstition.'
Upon hearing Derek's suggestion, Spencer looked up from his thick novel.
"A walk?" he asked with one eyebrow raised, and a bit of a dubious look on his face.
Derek couldn't help but find his expression adorable. Spencer was wearing his glasses and his hair was tousled as it had dried a bit funnily after his shower. He looked exceptionally relaxed, like he had just woken up from a great nap. But he also looked like it'd take a lot to convince him to move from his place on the couch.
"Come on," Derek said as he patted Spencer's corduroy-clad thigh. "It'll be good to get out and get some fresh air. Plus, I'll take you to this great cupcake place down near Georgetown. It's famous. And I know you'll love it with that sweet tooth of yours."
It seemed as if the promise of a sweet treat had piqued Spencer's interest and with a bit of an affected sigh, Spencer finally closed his book and nodded his acquiescence.
It didn't take long for them to get ready, along with the fact that once Derek picked up the leash, Clooney started barking excitedly and practically herded the two men out the door. With coats and scarves quickly thrown on, they were soon on their way.

The afternoon passed quickly, and without much complaining from Spencer. It seemed that once Derek actually convinced him to go outdoors, Spencer actually really enjoyed taking in the sights as they walked. On their way back, with Spencer armed with a box of cupcakes, in almost a dozen different flavors he had wanted to try, and a large cup of coffee, and Derek holding Clooney's leash as the dog happily trotted in front of them, Derek got a phone call.
Stopping their conversation short, apologetically, Derek reached for his phone and when he saw the display his brow furrowed, seeing that it was Garcia calling him again. As he went to answer it, Derek asked Spencer if he would hold Clooney's leash, if only to see the somewhat terrified expression Spencer had at the thought of being in charge of the large animal. However, Derek wrapped the leash a few times around Spencer's hand and told him he would be fine. He pointed Spencer to a bench that was a few feet ahead of him and Spencer reluctantly led the dog over and took a seat.
Stepping away to answer the call, Derek was greeted with Garcia's sweet voice.
"Hi stud-muffin, so sorry to be calling you on a Sunday," she apologized. "We just got contacted from one of the detectives in a case you consulted on about three months ago. Apparently the trial date they had set for the case got moved up a few weeks to accommodate an expert witness' schedule, and so the trial is set to start this week. The detective contacted the office seeing if you could come in to go over your report so they'll be ready to go on Monday. I know it's a lot to ask, but the guy is desperate—practically panicking. And he said it shouldn't take much more than an hour."
Derek let out a frustrated sigh. This was sometimes part of his job too, and he didn't really mind it, if it meant it'd help send a deserving criminal to prison. But sometimes the hours and expectations were really inconvenient.
"I guess I got no choice then, Baby Girl," he said in a conciliatory tone.
"Aww, you're such a sweetheart, Der-bear! Well, at least you'll have some company when you get in since Em and JJ are actually in the office today, too, because, a few certain somebodies were naughty girls and went out drinking on Friday night instead of finishing up their casefiles. They were so hungover they couldn't come in on Saturday as they had planned and they wanted to make sure they finished the files before Hotch had a chance to notice on Monday," Garcia said somewhat conspiratorially.
Derek couldn't help but laugh at that.
"I gotta say I'm kind of surprised your name isn't included in that list. You telling me you abstained from drinking with them?" he teased.
Garcia laughed playfully.
"No, I was there, but I had to bow out early. Baby Girl had a D-A-T-E. So I only stuck around for a couple of drinks before I had to go meet my mystery man. And apparently JJ and Em stayed an extra four hours after I left so… needless to say they were pretty wrecked," Garcia said, giggling.
"Oh, I see," Derek said. "So, we gonna talk about that mystery-man, cuz you know I need to be kept up to date on any knucklehead who thinks he's good enough for my Penelope."
"Oh, really, Derek Morgan? You want me to start grilling you again about your secret girlfriend?" Garcia asked, a smirk evident in her voice.
Derek cringed as he shook his head, but he could only laugh in return.
"Touché, Mama. You got me there. I'll stay out of your business. Tell that detective I'll be there around 3:00, ok?"
They then said their goodbyes and Derek pocketed his phone. As he walked over to where Spencer was sitting, sipping his coffee and distractedly patting the top of Clooney's head (who was, surprisingly, sitting quite patiently next to the bench), Derek glanced down at his watch. It was almost 2. He felt reluctant to have to part with Spencer again, especially with the kind of morning he had had, but there really was no helping it.
"Hey, kid, so that was another work call," Derek said as he came to a stop in front of Spencer. "Unfortunately, I've gotta stop in to take care of some last minute details for a case that's coming up. But, I should really only be gone for a few hours."
Spencer gave him a sweet smile.
"That's fine, Derek. Don't worry. I've got cupcakes and books to keep me busy," he responded.
"Thanks kid, but I still feel really bad," Derek said. "How about when I get back we go catch a movie and get something to eat afterwards, so I can make it up to you?"
"Derek, you really don't have to 'make it up to me.' It's your job; I understand. But, yeah, sure, that sounds good to me," Spencer said with a laugh.
As they started walking back to Derek's place, Derek made an attempt to reclaim the dog leash but Spencer told him he'd be fine with holding on to Clooney since the dog had apparently not turned out to be as much of a monster as he had first feared. Laughing, Derek took the cupcake box from Spencer to free up his hand for keeping a better grip on Clooney's leash, and casually threw an arm over the boy's shoulder. Spencer blushed as they walked past a number of people on the street, wondering what they thought about the two of them, but he found that he didn't quite mind the looks at all.

It was approaching 5:00 when Derek finally said his last goodbyes to the detective he had been working with. The man had thanked Derek numerous times for having come in, especially when he was on vacation, but Derek really didn't know how many more ways he could try to convince him that it was fine and he really hadn't minded.
Shaking his head as he began clearing down his desk, he was alerted to the sound of laughter as JJ and Emily walked out of the breakroom and back into the bullpen, each holding coffee mugs.
"Hey! All done?" Emily asked as she saw Derek in the middle of clearing his desk.
"Yup," he said with a grin.
"Aww, I thought we'd still have someone here to keep us company as we serve the rest of our duty," JJ said with a small pout.
"You make it sound like detention," Derek said as he laughed.
"It kind of feels like it," Emily groused. "At work on a beautiful Sunday afternoon? It's not even that cold out today. I could be shopping."
"Well, you girls kinda brought it on yourselves," Derek said, as he waggled his eyebrows. "I bet all those shots you took don't seem so worth it now?"
Emily rolled her eyes at him and JJ nudged him with his elbow.
"Oh!" JJ said as she snapped her fingers and placed her mug down on her desk. "Em, I forgot we're waiting for that fax on the Durham case. Let me go check to see if it came in."
Emily nodded at her, as the blonde turned on her heel and briskly walked out the room.
As Derek finished putting his things in his bag and shrugged his jacket on, he could feel Emily's eyes on him.
"Yes, Prentiss? May I help you?" he asked with a laugh.
"So...what're your plans for the rest of the night?" she asked with a smile and an arched eyebrow.
"Uh... just dinner and a movie, I think," he said with a shrug.
"Yeah, I bet Spencer will be pretty excited about that, huh?" Emily said nonchalantly.
Derek froze in mid-zip, hands stilling on the front of his jacket.
"Uh...What are you-" he began.
"Come on, Derek. Rossi mentioned it to me after we finished the case on Friday. Why didn't you tell me Spencer was in town? I mean, we talked about the possibility of him visiting, but you said you'd update me if he ever finalized his plans," she said as she crossed her arms over her chest.
Derek's eyebrows rose, and he floundered for words for a minute. But, he knew there was no way Rossi would have said anything incriminating to Emily, and he forced himself to calm down before giving her a wry smile.
"Well...it really wasn't set in stone until a few weeks ago. And, honestly, the kid just wanted to come to see the sights and to take a break from school. I knew if you girls got your hands on him, you'd monopolize all his time," Derek said, feeling as if he was lying through his teeth.
Emily stared at him for a moment, her dark eyes looking as if they were trying to read something on his face, but then she sighed and rolled her eyes.
"Eh... well, that might be a little true," she said with a light laugh and a shrug. "But, really, now that I know he's here, you've gotta let us 'get our hands on him,' as you say. Let's all do dinner this week. No excuses."
"Dinner?" they heard a voice ask from behind them.
JJ had just walked back in, a stack of papers clutched in her hand and an inquisitive look on her face.
"Yeah, Jayje, apparently Spencer's in town and Mr. Morgan here neglected to tell us," Emily said as she jabbed her thumb in Derek's direction.
JJ's eyes lit up as she quickly dropped the stack of papers down on her desk.
"Spencer's here? Like, our Spencer from Vegas?" she asked excitedly.
Emily laughed at that.
"Yes, 'our' Spencer," she said.
"And Derek, what? He's visiting and you weren't going to tell us?" JJ asked, a hint of mock accusation in her voice as she turned, with her hands on her hips, to look at Derek
Derek held his hands up in defense, backing up from them a bit.
"Really...it was a last minute thing, and I wanted to let him get accustomed to the city without feeling too overwhelmed," Derek tried to explain. "I didn't want him to feel like he had to go anywhere or do anything specific. It's bad enough that he has to see me every day."
"Wait...is he staying with you, too?" Emily asked, her sharp eyes locking on to his.
"Yeah," Derek said quickly. "I have the extra room, and I didn't see any reason for him to be spending unnecessary money on a D.C. hotel."
Before Emily could ask another question, JJ stepped between her and Derek, her excitement bubbling out of her.
"We definitely need to do dinner! How long is he going to be here?" she asked.
"Well, until the end of the week…" Derek began.
"Ok, so, sooner rather than later, it is! Oh, I can't wait to see him," JJ said as she turned excitedly to Emily, almost ignoring Derek completely.
"Alright, you ask Spencer what's a good day for him. And, Derek, you better not forget, or give me some half-assed excuse about why you guys can't make it. You don't want me to have to come after you, do you?" Emily asked with a pointed look and a wink.
"No," Derek said on a sigh, "that I do not."

Derek had left the Bureau as quickly as he could after having been blindsided by JJ and Emily. After agreeing that he would run the idea of dinner past Spencer and get back to them with a specific date, they had seemed to have gotten caught up in each other, talking about what was the best restaurant to take Spencer to, and he had been able to sneak past them. When he got back home, he walked into his living room to see an endearing sight: Spencer with half an eaten cupcake poised at his lips, a book clutched in his other hand, and Clooney curled up at his feet. He had also laughed when he saw that five of the dozen cupcakes were already missing. Soon after that, he convinced Spencer to part with the cupcakes for the time being, and they left for the movie and dinner.
By the time they got back in, it was nearing 11:00. They were both tired and as soon as they walked in they went their separate ways to take their showers. When Derek finished his shower and stepped out into the hallway, he could still hear the water running in the hall-bath. He chuckled and shook his head at the fact that he was starting to realize Spencer really liked to take long showers. In the meantime, Derek decided he would run downstairs to make sure Clooney was settled for the night and that everything was put away.
As Derek began making his way back up the carpeted stairs, he heard the bathroom door creak open and caught a glimpse of Spencer walking out. Derek found himself smiling, quite happy with the sight of Spencer standing there with his damp hair, baggy t-shirt and long pajama pants. But then he saw the boy hesitate for a second with his hand on the guestroom door as he glanced towards Derek's closed bedroom door. He wondered what Spencer was doing, but then it dawned on him. Spencer didn't know where he should be sleeping that night. It made sense. Since he had been there, Spencer had only spent one night in the guestroom. Other than changing clothes, Spencer really hadn't used the room very much. At this point, Derek figured, there really wasn't any sense in Spencer sleeping in that room anymore. But, every time Spencer had 'spent the night,' it had been because the two of them had practically tumbled into bed together. It wasn't like Derek had ever given him a formal invitation. So, he was sure Spencer needed to hear that from him before he felt comfortable asking for it himself.
Derek cleared his throat, which caused Spencer to jump and look toward the stairs.
"You want to sleep in there?" Derek asked as he nodded toward his bedroom door.
Spencer flushed, and, looking down at his bare feet, he nodded.
"Come on, then," Derek said with a smile as he finished walking up the stairs.
He walked past Spencer, who was still standing by his own door, seeming uncertain. Not waiting for the boy to make up his mind, Derek opened his door and walked into his bedroom, leaving the door wide open as a welcome-sign for Spencer. Derek walked towards his bed and flopped down.
A few seconds later, Spencer walked in, closing the door softly behind him. He gave Derek a shy smile and Derek returned it with a toothy grin. He patted the bed beside him. Spencer licked his lips as he looked at Derek. He then grabbed the hem of his shirt and began to pull it up. Seeing this, Derek's eyes widened and he raised his hands in a negating gesture.
"No, no. No sex Spencer. Just sleeping," Derek said kindly. "Come here."
Spencer looked at him, a bit indecisively, but then smiled as he walked over to the bed. Derek pushed back the covers and Spencer climbed in, on the left side, as usual.
Almost immediately after Spencer got comfortable, he felt Derek slide up behind him, big arms coming to wrap around his waist.
"You good, Pretty Boy?" Derek asked against his ear.
"Uh huh," Spencer whispered.
"That's what I like to hear. Good night, kid," Derek said.
Spencer sighed contentedly as he nodded and closed his eyes. He felt warm and safe. It was something he was sure he could get used to.

A/N: Well, there you have it, a further look into poor Spencer's past life. I wish I could say things are going to be fluffier next chapter, but not really D:. More angst ahead, sweethearts. But, believe me; I really do intend to give this story some version of a 'happy ending!' Spencer just needs to make it through a few more hoops (circles of hell?) before that :/.
Kisses!
- 5
- 6
- 7
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Pretty Boy: Reprise