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Safe Haven in the Chaos	By : IdrilsSecret Category: S through Z > The Walking Dead Views: 6517 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the walking dead or any of the characters. No money is being made from the writing of these stories

Chapter List
- 59
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Chapter 61 Bad Brew

Today was the one year anniversary of the war with the Saviors. One month had gone by since the meeting with Rick in Alexandria. Aaron settled into his new home. The townhomes were gorgeous, though he could do without all the stairs. It was also the same townhome where Eric lived a short while, after he moved out of the house. Aaron like to think that Eric checked in on him and Gracie from time to time. It was a silly notion. Aaron didn’t believe in ghosts, but he liked to fantasize once in a while. He got lonely, especially after he put Gracie down for the night, and found himself alone. He liked talking to Eric. It helped him get his thoughts together.

Tonight was no different. He put the baby to sleep a while ago, and sat in his comfortable plush chair in front of the fireplace in the den. It was probably his favorite room of the house. Bookshelves reached to the ceiling on one side. They were half empty, but he hoped to eventually find more books to fill the shelves. It was trimmed in wood, and the room smelled of it too. It reminded him of the cabin and being in the woods in the middle of nowhere. It was difficult to address those memories when he first thought of them. Daryl had been a big part of his life then. Now, to think about him made Aaron’s loneliness that much more prominent. Actually, being in Alexandria brought back all the memories, good and bad. Luckily, he had Gracie to take care of, and that took his mind off of things. Soon, he would have to face the man who was the cause of his problems. Daryl, since he was leader of the Sanctuary, would be involved in the bridge project. Aaron wasn’t sure how he was going to handle seeing him every day, and knowing they weren’t together anymore. When they met a month ago, it had been an awkward reunion. Again, Daryl disappeared, but as work began on the bridge, they would be around one another more often.

“I’m not sure what to expect,” Aaron said, looking into the fire. “I wish we could be friends, or just act normal around each other, but I get the feeling it won’t be that easy.”

Aaron stood and went to the mantle. He put his hand on the edge and rested his head upon it. “I know you never liked him,” Aaron said, speaking to Eric’s ghost. “You warned me multiple times, and I thought you were just jealous. Maybe you saw something that I couldn’t at the time. Maybe you still saw the darkness that I thought I had helped him be rid of.” He paused and sighed deep. “Maybe you were right about Daryl all along. And I know I should move on from this. It’s been a year, a whole year, and I could count on one hand how many words we’ve exchanged during that time. What can I say? I’m hopeless.” Aaron flopped back down in his chair, sunk into the cushions and closed his eyes, forcing himself to think of something else. Whenever he cleared his mind of Daryl, it was Paul who filled the void.

Aaron smiled to himself when he thought about Paul. They were good friends, and it was always a joy to be around him. For the most part, they shared stories or reminisced about past events they were involved in. However, since the kiss he allowed that day in the woods, Aaron noticed that Paul behaved a little differently. He flirted a little more, though it was innocent. He caught Paul's eyes wandering to him more often, holding a gaze longer than usual, or casting a small smile from time to time. Aaron found that he liked the attention, but he wasn’t sure if it was because he was developing an interest in Paul or that it acted as a brief cure for his loneliness. Paul was always kind and gentlemanly around him, and it was a welcomed change.

“I wonder what you would have thought about Paul,” Aaron said. “I like to think you would have liked him.” He smiled to himself, and went back to his chair. Well, he thought, there was no use giving it any more thought. Tomorrow would be a busy one. Rick was sending Aaron and Paul to scope out an area surrounding the bridge and the site of the camp. They needed guard posts so that the workers could be safe from walkers, and have communication open to warn them of any dangers. It was brought to everyone’s attention that herds were growing and being seen in and around the communities more often. It wasn’t so much a problem for Alexandria, Hilltop or the Kingdom, but at the campsite, the people would be more vulnerable without walls or solid structures.

Aaron spread the embers in the fireplace and went up to the bedrooms. He stopped at Gracie’s room and peaked inside. She was sound asleep. He smiled down at her, and pulled the blanket up to cover her. Aaron envied her in a way. She was unaware of the dangers in the world, and she could sleep soundly. He hadn’t had a truly solid night’s sleep since Daryl left.

Why was he thinking so much about him lately, Aaron wondered? It must have to do with the timing. A year to the day since he lost Daryl to the darkness that finally consumed him. And now he dwelled in the place that darkened his soul. That couldn’t have a positive effect on him. Aaron remembered when Daryl’s biggest fear was going back to that horrid place. He was their leader now, a strange turn of events that Aaron didn’t understand. Perhaps they could start speaking to each other again, and Aaron could ask him about his decision to go to the Sanctuary. And with that thought, Aaron laid down and drifted off to sleep.

>>------->

Aaron took Gracie to Sarah’s house, carrying with him a large bag full of toys, diapers, and some of her favorite snacks. Sarah was already at the door when he walked up the steps of the grand home. Like the other houses in Alexandria, it was a stylish two story, white with black shutters, a porch that ran along the front, decorated with potted flowers and a comfortable wicker swing. It looked very much like Aaron’s former home, which was now home to two families.

“Aaron,” Sarah sang with a warm and inviting smile.

“Hi Sarah. How are you this morning?” Aaron said in return.

“I’m wonderful, especially now that this little bundle of joy is here.” Sarah reached for Gracie, and Aaron handed her over.

“I brought her favorite stuffed animals, and there’s a book in the bottom of the bag. She likes it when I read it to her at night, but don’t leave it in her bed or she might chew on it. She’s already eaten the corner of the first few pages. And there’s cloth diapers, and some dried fruit. It’s soft enough for her to chew on, but she seems to like to suck on it,” he laughed.

“You have nothing to worry about while you’re gone,” Sarah said, seeing his nervousness about leaving the child behind. “Gracie is going to be just fine.”

“Oh, I have no doubt about that. I know she’s in good hands. I think it’s me that I’m worried about,” Aaron admitted. Sarah knew his back story, at least the rough version he told her.

“You’re concerned about seeing Daryl?” Sarah asked. Aaron nodded and hesitated to smile. “Well, it’s been my experience that sometimes you have to let something go to see if it will come back to you. Then you’ll know if it was ever meant to be.”

“That’s the thing. I’ve always felt it was meant to be,” Aaron said. Gracie was looking fidgety so he rummaged through the bag looking for her elephant toy.

“Maybe it’s not you, but Daryl who needs to be sure,” Sarah said, shifting the baby to her other arm.

Aaron handed the toy to Gracie and gently pet her head. She looked at him with her bright blue eyes, smiled and stuck the elephant’s trunk in her mouth. “Maybe,” he said, but he sounded skeptical. The true was, Aaron always thought Daryl felt the same as he did about their relationship. “I think it’s more about Daryl losing his way, and that’s something only he can figure out.”

“What about that nice fellow you’re always paling around with … Jesus. Handsome man and a good man, too. Very polite, and even Gracie seems to take a liking to him,” Sarah smiled.

Aaron palmed the back of his neck. “He’s just a friend.”

“Are you sure about that?” Sarah said with a southern drawl, implying that she thought there might be more to it. “There’s nothing wrong with exploring other avenues.” She looked around as though there might be someone listening to their conversation, even though they were the only one’s on her front porch. “And I’m pretty sure he likes you.”

Aaron felt his face heat, and knew he must have turned several shades of red. He huffed a laugh with embarrassment. “You sure like to get right to the point, don’t you?”

“No time to waste, Aaron. If Daryl hasn’t come back by now, perhaps it’s time for you to move on and find happiness again,” Sarah advised. “Well, enough of my prying into your business. I’m sure you need to be on your way. And don’t worry about Gracie, but do take care of yourself out there.”

“I will, and thank you again for watching her,” Aaron said. He leaned in and kissed the child on her head. Gracie reached out and grabbed his beard. Aaron pretended it hurt, and it made her laugh. His heart swelled at the sound of it. And then, at the end of her giggle fit she surprised both of them.

“Dada,” Gracie said softly, trying the word out for the first time.

Aaron and Sarah looked at Gracie, and then to each other with amazement.

“Did she just . . .?” Aaron said.

“She sure did,” Sarah confirmed.

A tear came to Aaron’s eye. He took Gracie in his arms and cradled her. “That’s right honey. I’m your dada, and I love you very much.” He kissed her cheek. “How am I supposed to leave now?” he said, looking at Sarah.

“Oh my. Her first words,” Sarah sang. “And just in time.”

“I don’t want to go,” Aaron said softly. “But I have to. Be a good girl for Sarah.” Reluctantly, he gave her back to Sarah.

“Don’t you worry about a thing, Aaron.” She bounced the baby girl in her arms. “We’ll keep practicing her words. She’ll be talking up a storm when you get back.”

Aaron kissed Gracie one more time, and forced himself to part from them. He had to be on his way to the campsite at the bridge. The first crew was meeting today, and moving in to their temporary homes. Aaron would be gone for a couple weeks at least, and depending on what all happened, maybe more. He hoped not to be gone too long, especially now. Having Gracie call him dada for the first time was an amazing feeling, but it was making it very difficult to leave. On the other hand, it was making the anticipation of seeing Daryl again much more tolerable. Such a strange twist in his emotions today.

>>------->

After a few hours, he arrived at the campsite with Rick, Michonne, and a few other people from Alexandria. Maggie was already there with some of the Hilltop people. Aaron looked around for other familiar faces and caught sight of Paul. He hadn’t seen him since the meeting at the church. Paul had returned to Hilltop afterward. They went straight to each other and clasped forearms.

“Aaron, it’s great to see you,” Paul smiled. “How’s everything in Alexandria?”

“Really well. Really fantastic,” Aaron smiled in return. “I’ve got great news.”

“What is it?” Paul asked eagerly.

“Gracie called me dada this morning. I was about to head out when she said it,” Aaron said with excitement.

Paul looked happy for him. “That’s great!”

“Isn’t it? I hated having to leave her after that, but here I am.”

“I’m glad you’re here,” Paul commented. “So, you still practicing your moves?”

“Of course, but I’m eager to get training with you again, if we have any spare time while we’re here. You’re staying at the camp, right?”

“Absolutely. Already got my tent picked out and everything,” Paul laughed.

Aaron looked around at the tents that were set up. There weren’t many yet. “Which one’s yours?”

Paul pointed. “It’s the navy one over there.”

There was still space around it. “Cool. Mind if I’m your neighbor?”

“Not at all,” Paul smiled. “You can be my roomy if you want.” He was only half joking.

Aaron blushed and fidgeted where he stood. He didn’t have a clever response, since he wasn’t expecting Paul's comment. Instead, he looked back to the truck he came in with some of his fellow Alexandrians. “Um, I guess I better grab my stuff and claim some land before someone beats me to it.”

“Need help?” Paul asked. He seemed to get a kick out of Aaron’s awkwardness.

Aaron could tell Paul was trying to give him a hard time, so he chose not to play into it. “Sure. It’ll give us a chance to catch up. You’ll have to tell me how things are at Hilltop.”

Paul was caught off guard, thinking Aaron would distance himself. He regained his composure and walked to the truck with Aaron. “It’s going all right. Maggie is officially our leader now. Gregory called for an election.” Paul paused and snickered. “He lost.”

“He should have seen that coming,” Aaron commented.

“What about Alexandria? How are things there?” Paul asked.

“It’s going really well. The windmill is finished. We have some new housing, and the buildings that were salvageable have been repaired. The crops are doing well, but we need more livestock.”

“I heard. Michonne asked Maggie if she’d let Alexandria have one of the goats and a couple pigs. Things are getting a little tight back home. Hilltop is providing both Alexandria and the Sanctuary. You all are giving back in exchange, but nothing is coming out of the Sanctuary. Maggie’s worried about fuel for the tractor. Without it, we might lose some of our crops.”

“I’ve heard about the Sanctuary. Apparently, there’s an inside group who still support Negan and they’ll do whatever they can to sabotage relations with the other communities,” Aaron noted.

“Sounds like Daryl’s having a hard time getting everyone on board. Have you … uh … heard from Daryl?” Paul asked carefully.

“Not since we saw him at the initial meeting in Alexandria.” Aaron’s mood turned somber.

“Sorry to hear it,” Paul said, and he put a hand on Aaron’s shoulder.

“It’s all right. I’ve decided to move on.”

At the mention of this news, Paul seemed to perk up. “That’s good. You deserve a fresh start.”

He didn’t want to go any further with their conversation because he didn’t want to give Paul any false hope. Aaron still considered him his best friend, and he wasn’t ready to jump into anything that might change or damage that. “So, are we scouting the area for guard posts?”

“Yeah. You and I will take the east. Tara and Alden are taking the south. The north has already been set up. Jerry is there now. And . . .” Paul hesitated before continuing. “Rosita and Daryl are scouting the west.”

“Is he … is he here?” Aaron asked cautiously.

“They got here a couple days ago. Cleared the area for the campsite before they headed west. They reported seeing a large herd out that way. It’s not a threat at the moment, but we got eyes on them.”

Aaron’s anxiety came back. “I didn’t know he was here already.”

“Sorry I didn’t mention it right away. I wanted to give you a chance to settle in first.”

“It’s fine,” Aaron said, playing it off. “I mean, I knew Daryl would be here, and eventually we’ll have to see each other. I just hate the fact that it’s so awkward.”

“Give it time, Aaron. I’m sure Daryl’s anxious about it too,” Paul tried to comfort him.

“Yeah, maybe. Well, let me get my stuff set up and we’ll head out if you want.” It was better if Aaron ignored the fact that Daryl was within the vicinity. And having Paul around always made him feel better and stronger.

Paul helped him set up his tent. Aaron took a few personal belongings out of his bag and put them on his cot. Paul smiled when he saw the small brown teddy bear toy. “That must be Gracie’s,” he commented.

Aaron smiled and picked the bear up. “It was the first toy I gave her. She’s moved on to elephants now, but I like to keep the bear with me when I have to go away.”

Paul's eyes focused on him in a way that made Aaron realize Paul's fondness had grown since they’d seen each other last. But he quickly reigned it back and looked away. “Oh, I almost forgot. Hang on a second.” Paul dashed out of the tent. He came back only a few moments later with several books in his hands. “I remember you saying you were light on reading material in Alexandria so I brought you these.”

Aaron took the books and looked through the titles. Paul pointed out what they were. “There’s a crime novel, and a space mystery. This one is historical fiction about a woman from the twentieth century and a 1700’s Highland’s Scott. Don’t let the time travel thing scare you off. It’s actually a really good book. A bit lengthy but a good read.”

“I like lengthy,” Aaron said. “It keeps me occupied.”

“And this one is a romance, but don’t worry. It’s a gay romance about a couple cowboys. I didn’t know what you liked, so I brought you something from a few different genres.”

Aaron smiled and laid the books at the foot of his cot. “This is great. Thanks, Paul. You’re always thinking of me.”

Paul turned bashful, but only for a split second before he met Aaron’s eyes with confidence. “Just doing my part and trading with other communities.”

>>------->

They headed out to the area they were to scout. There were only a few straggler walkers around, which was a good sign. The main concern was for the large herd spotted not long ago. It seemed they were still far enough out that there wasn’t a threat. It was Aaron and Paul's job to make sure it stayed that way.

At one point, Aaron and Paul tag teamed a couple walkers. Aaron used all the moves Paul had taught him. It felt good to fight alongside Paul. They made a really good team.

“Wow, you have been practicing at home,” Paul said. “You’ve gotten better since the last time we saw each other.”

“Glad to know all my hard work is paying off. I miss this, man. We always did pair up well,” Aaron told him.

Paul showed Aaron a different version of one of the first things he taught him. As he was explaining, they heard leaves rustling in the trees nearby. The two men were instantly on the defensive, weapons in hand and ready to fight the threat. To their surprise, Rosita and Daryl came out of the thick underbrush.

Aaron’s heart felt like it stopped as he laid eyes upon Daryl. It had been a long time, but Daryl looked strong and healthy. He looked a little worn in the face. It seemed being leader of the Sanctuary was taking its toll on him. They both stopped and looked at each other, caught off guard by the suddenness of running into one another. Daryl was the first to drop his gaze, and then Aaron followed. Neither man spoke. Aaron was afraid that was a bad sign.

Rosita ignored the uncomfortable reunion, and came forward with a smile, heading right for Aaron. “Oh my God, Aaron, it’s good to see you.” She hugged him, and he hugged her back.

“Rosita, how are you?” Aaron asked as they held each other. His eyes drifted to Daryl, but he wasn’t watching.

Rosita released him and stepped back. She mocked him by grabbing at her own chin. “What’s all this?”

“Got tired of shaving. Oh, and the razors kind of ran out back home.”

“You find me a straight razor, and I’ll hook you up with a nice clean shave,” she offered, admiring his full beard. “I used to do it for Abraham all the time.”

Aaron fondled his facial hair. “I don’t know, I kind of like it.”

“Maybe just a trim then,” she said, still messing around with the beard.

Jesus moved in and broke them up. “So, have you guys found anything interesting out there?” As he spoke, he nudged Aaron’s shoulder and used his gaze to point over to Daryl. He was sending Aaron a signal to go over and say hello. Paul nudged him again, and Aaron reluctantly moved.

Daryl looked up when he sensed movement. Their eyes met again, and there was something familiar within them. Aaron stopped short of walking all the way over.

“Hey,” he said softly.

“Sup,” Daryl answered. It was typical Daryl talk, one word answers.

“I, uh, didn’t expect to see you.”

“Me neither,” Daryl said.

“Maybe Paul and I took a wrong turn or something.” Aaron knew they were supposed to be trailing along the eastern edge of the perimeter.

“No, Rosita and I decided to make our way all the way around, just so we get a better idea of where we’re at.”

“That makes sense,” Aaron said. He was already running out of things to say. “So, uh, how’ve you been?”

“All right. You?”

“Life’s been busy … and interesting.” Aaron stopped to smile as he thought about that morning. “Gracie … she called me dada today.”

“Wow, that’s cool,” Daryl answered, but without a lot of emotion.

“Yeah, she’s growing by leaps and bounds.”

“Who’s watching her?” Daryl asked.

“A friend of mine, Sarah. She’s kind of the daycare person in Alexandria.”

Daryl nodded and looked around. Aaron knew that look, when Daryl was feeling cornered. Aaron didn’t want to be the reason for his awkwardness. “Well, I guess I should let you and Rosita get back to work.”

“Yeah.” Daryl put his fingers to his mouth and whistled loudly. “Let’s go,” he called out to Rosita, who was still chatting it up with Jesus.

“I’m coming,” Rosita called back. “Geez, he can be so impatient. You two be careful out here,” she said as she walked back to join Daryl. They went on their way.

Aaron watched them go, but he wished he could have talked to Daryl a lot longer. He didn’t want them to leave without acknowledging Daryl. “Hey, you gonna be at the camp later?” he called out before they disappeared.

Daryl looked over his shoulder to him. “We’ll be there.” Daryl took a few more steps and was about to disappear into the thick growing trees, but he stopped. “Come find me if you want.” And with that, Daryl was gone again.

Aaron’s shoulders slumped and he breathed easier after Daryl was gone. Paul approached and stood next to him. “Sounds like that went well.”

“Yeah, I guess it did. He talked to me anyway.”

“Good. That’s good,” Paul said, but Aaron heard slight disappointment in his voice.

To cheer him up, Aaron grasped his shoulder, and patted him firmly. “So, you gonna show me these new and improved moves or what?”

Paul's mood instantly brightened. “Sure.”

After their short break, and a few practice runs, they were on their way again. Eventually, they made their way back to camp. More people had showed, and more tents were erected. The largest tent in the center of the camp was for the officers, those who were running the project. Rick, Michonne, Maggie, Daryl, Ezekiel and Carol were inside having a meeting when Paul and Aaron arrived. They checked in and gave a report of their findings. Aaron noticed Daryl watching him as he told the others about their rounds to the east. He felt slight excitement to have earned Daryl’s attention, even if it was expected since it was a meeting.

“That’s good news,” Rick said when Paul and Aaron were finished. They’d only come across a few walkers, and there was no sign of the herd that destroyed the bridge.

Tara and Alden arrived shortly after they were finished, and gave an account of their findings. While they spoke, Aaron turned his gaze to Daryl several times. He thought he looked good, but tired, worn thin. They had both changed over the last year. Had it really been that long?

There had been a time when Aaron didn’t think he could go on without Daryl by his side. In a way, it was good that he found out he could survive on his own. He had purpose in his life. Gracie kept him going. Paul's friendship had contributed too. Still, there was a part of him that wished to complete the circle and have Daryl back.

The meeting was finished, and everyone disbursed to the outside. Aaron went to his place, and found his pack and other supplies where he left them. He still needed to pitch his tent, something he hadn’t done since he and Eric used to go out recruiting. He got started, finding it more difficult to do with only one person. Two sides went up, but upon erecting the third, the tent collapsed in on itself. Aaron cursed under his breath and started again.

“Need help?” Daryl said.

Aaron hadn’t seen or heard him come over. “Sure.”

They paused to figure out who was going to do what, and both men went for the same tent pole. Aaron backed off first. “Sorry,” he said.

“No, you go ahead. It’s your tent,” Daryl offered.

Aaron nodded and picked up the pole. “I haven’t done this in a really long time,” he admitted.

“I don’t sleep in tents,” Daryl said. “Can’t see or hear what’s around you.”

“Good point. Luckily we have guards.”

“Yeah, and the biggest failure is usually caused by human mistake. I’ll take my chances on my own.”

Aaron glanced at Daryl. “Aren’t you staying at the camp?”

“I got a place just outside. Set up some rope and hubcaps. Nothing’s getting near me without my knowing about it.” Daryl finished getting his pole in place at the same time Aaron did. Then they started on the other two.

They worked in silence until the tent was finished. Aaron picked up his backpack and started to his door. “Thanks for helping.”

“No problem,” Daryl said.

Aaron tossed the bag inside and started to bend down and go inside, when Daryl stopped him. “How’ve you been? I haven’t seen you in a long time.”

Aaron stood straight again and turned to face Daryl. “I’ve been good. I’m living in one of the townhomes. Rick set me up there because of Gracie. She still wakes up in the middle of the night from time to time, and I didn’t want to bunk up in one of the houses where she would disturb the other people.”

“You’re really into this fatherhood thing, aren’t you?”

“Fatherhood thing?” Aaron said, taking offence. “It’s not a hobby. I’m her father. She doesn’t know it any other way.”

“I didn’t mean anything by it. Sorry,” Daryl started to turn and walk away, but Aaron stopped him by grabbing his arm. Daryl gave a hard look at Aaron’s hand, but he didn’t speak. The danger in his eyes said enough. Aaron released him.

“You don’t have to go. I thought maybe we could catch up or something. Like you said, it’s been a really long time,” Aaron said.

Daryl stood silent a moment, and Aaron wasn’t sure he was going to respond. Finally, he did. “Come to my camp when you’re all settled in here. Head straight that way,” he said, pointing in the general direction.

“Okay,” Aaron smiled to himself. Daryl walked off, leaving Aaron to wonder where this was going. Better not to think too much into it right away. They were just going to catch up, nothing more. There was still something feral about him. Aaron saw it when Daryl gazed at his hand gripping his arm. He had changed, and Aaron supposed being the leader of and living at the Sanctuary had everything to do with that.

Aaron was inside his tent. He had set up his cot and was in the process of rolling out his sleeping bag, when he heard the flap rustle open. He turned to find Paul looking inside. “Love what you’ve done with the place. Very Feng shui.”

“Why, thank you. It’s always satisfying to know my talents are being appreciated,” Aaron said, mocking someone of high society. “Please, come in Mr. Monroe. Perhaps a glass of chardonnay?”

“Ah, I’m never one to pass on an offer, though personally, I find a good Merlot to be more to my liking,” Paul said, playing along.

“Yes, yes. You do strike me as the Merlot type, well balanced yet bold,” Aaron said. He laughed, not being able to keep up the charade. “Actually, I don’t know if that even describes Merlot. I’m not an expert. I know red or white, and the occasional blush.”

Paul laughed along with him. “I don’t know either. I was never much of a drinker to begin with.” He glanced around the tent. “I just came by to see if you wanted to join me for dinner. Some of the guys caught some rabbit, and their getting a fire going.”

“Actually … I’m meeting Daryl at his camp. We just want to catch up, see how things are going.” Aaron was almost hesitant to tell Paul, and he wasn’t sure why.

“Oh. Okay. Well, that’s good, right?”

“I think so.”

“Want me to save you some grub?” Paul asked.

“No, that’s okay. Enjoy yourself because it’s back to work tomorrow.”

“Yeah, see you later,” Paul said, leaving the tent. He paused before he completely exited, and looked back. “Hey, I’m glad you two are trying, but just so you know. I’m here for you if you need anything.”

Paul understood the turbulent relationship Aaron and Daryl shared in the past, and it was apparent that he wasn’t so sure about how Daryl would treat him now. Aaron was actually glad for Paul's offer. “Thanks,” Aaron smiled. “And I do know that.”

Paul nodded and left. Aaron sat on his cot and thought about his meeting with Daryl. He had to remind himself not to expect too much. There was no telling what kind of a man Daryl was now. A brief flash of him shooting that kid at the office outpost a year ago reminded Aaron to keep his guard up.

>>------->

Aaron made his way to Daryl’s camp, about fifty yards or less from the main campsite. When he got there, Daryl was sitting by a small fire, cooking what looked like a snake. He had his warning perimeter set up, and a lean-to for shelter from rain. It was a simple setup, out in the open like he said it would be. Daryl had always been good at living off the land like this. He was in his element, and it showed by the confidence he exuded as he worked on the fire.

Daryl heard the crunch of leaves and was instantly on the defensive. He reached for his bow, which was leaning on a tree next to him. When he saw Aaron, he relaxed and left the bow where it was. “Come on in,” he said. Aaron stepped over the rope, and Daryl gestured to a fallen log next to the fire. “Have a seat. Dinner’s almost ready.”

“Oh, I don’t want to eat your food,” Aaron said to be polite.

“There’s plenty. Sit. Relax. I promise I won’t bite,” Daryl said.

Not unless you want me to, Aaron thought to himself. At one time, that’s how Daryl would have finished that sentence. Aaron would have replied with something implying, and then Daryl would have scooped him up in his arms and kissed him. But this wasn’t then. Those days were far behind them.

Aaron sat and Daryl fixed their dinner. They ate with little conversation, just small talk which Daryl always hated to do. The tension in the air was obvious, and Aaron wondered why Daryl invited him. With the meal finished, Aaron was ready to go back to his tent. He didn’t want to be here if he was making Daryl uncomfortable. Maybe they weren’t ready for this. Too much time might have passed for them to get back to how things used to be. Or perhaps they just needed to take baby steps. This was their first time together in a year. Perhaps dinner was all this needed to be for now.

“Dinner was surprisingly good. I never thought I’d like rattlesnake, but it was rather tasty,” Aaron complimented. “Thanks for inviting me here, but maybe I better get back to the camp.”

“Thanks for coming,” Daryl responded with a forced smile. He seemed nervous, or maybe he had something to say. Whatever it was, Aaron wasn’t going to pry.

Aaron got up from the log he was sitting on, and glanced around Daryl’s camp. “You sure you’re all right here by yourself?”

Daryl gave him a look that confirmed he was being ridiculous. The man had always done well on his own.

“Yeah, I should know you’re good. Force of habit … asking that question,” Aaron said. “Well, goodnight. I’ll probably see you tomorrow.”

“G-night,” Daryl said softly.

Aaron walked off, stepping over the rope, and making the hubcaps clang together.

“I need to apologize,” Daryl called out before he got too far away.

Aaron stopped and turned back to him. He wondered about a few different reasons for the apology. For the way he treated Aaron a year ago? For killing that boy at the outpost? For leaving him at such a crucial time? “What for?” he asked.

“For not being there for Caleb’s funeral,” Daryl admitted.

That was another thing to apologize for, Aaron thought, but there was still so much more. “It’s all right. I took care of him. I still do. I make sure there’s fresh flowers at his grave at least once a week.”

“I should have been there, though.”

“You could come to Hilltop sometime and visit him,” Aaron suggested.

“I can’t never get away from the Sanctuary,” Daryl said.

“You’re here now,” Aaron pointed out.

“That’s because I brought most of my troublemakers with me. I gotta keep them busy or they get bored and stir shit up.”

“Sounds like it’s a difficult job.” Aaron wanted to know more about Daryl’s time at the Sanctuary. This seemed like a good opportunity.

“The past year has been a challenge. Just between you and me, I don’t want to be there anymore.”

“Why don’t you tell Rick,” Aaron wondered.

“Who else is going to do it? Maggie’s at Hilltop. Rick and Michonne are at Alexandria. Carol’s with Ezekiel at the Kingdom. And you … you got your little girl to watch out for.” The way he said it almost sounded like he disapproved.

Aaron heard the frustration in Daryl’s voice. Aaron felt guilty for not at least offering his help. “You know I would if I could.”

“No, I know you can’t. I’d never ask that of you. I’m just venting, that’s all.”

“What about Laura. She seems like she’s there to help you out,” Aaron suggested.

“Laura’s all right, but … there’s just no one I can trust from the Sanctuary.” Daryl seemed extremely frustrated and Aaron felt for him.

“I never understood why you volunteered to go there, especially after what happened to you.” Aaron was referring to Daryl’s time there as a captive.

Daryl mumbled his answer. “I couldn’t go home, now could I?”

It was a shot at Aaron and it hit him hard and unexpected. “So are you saying I’m the reason you’re at the Sanctuary?” Aaron challenged him.

“That might have something to do with it.” Daryl’s eyes narrowed on him.

“You were off the deep end,” Aaron defended. “You weren’t in your right mind.”

“I knew exactly what I was doing.” Daryl’s voice was raised in anger.

Aaron wasn’t having it. “You killed that boy without giving it a second thought.”

“He killed Caleb,” Daryl shot back.

“No, he didn’t. He was just another victim of the Saviors. Just like Dwight.” Aaron watched as Daryl’s eyes widened and then turned back into dangerous slits. “That’s right. I watched you drive him off somewhere. You probably did the same thing to Dwight that you did to that kid.”

Daryl looked like he wanted to say something, but he was just taking a moment to gather his thoughts. He stood there glaring at Aaron, chewing his bottom lip in frustration. “He was with them. He was one of them. None of them could be trusted. You saw for yourself.” Daryl’s anger was escalating, just as it had that day a year ago. “After all the shit Dwight did to me, and you thought I should have been sympathetic? He played me and stole all my belongings. He was my captor and fed me dogfood every day. He fucking shot me. He sure as hell didn’t try and help me get out of that place.”

“I know what he did to you was horrible and inexcusable. He also helped us win the fight against Negan. Did you ever think he did those things as retribution for what he did to you?” Aaron stopped and shook his head slowly back and forth. “That’s not what this is about. It’s about how you completely lacked any regard for human life.”

“No,” Daryl said in a calm tone. “It was about you taking a side, and it wasn’t mine. You made your choice back then, and it looks like nothing’s changed much.”

Aaron was done arguing with him. What he feared would happen did happen. “Finally, something we can agree on. Nothing’s changed and it’s a damn shame.”

“Better get going before they wonder where you are,” Daryl said, and he turned his back to Aaron.

The argument was over. Aaron’s biggest fear had come true. It seemed there was nothing left to salvage between them. That was it then. Aaron left and went back without saying another word. And he never felt worse in his life.

>>------->

Back at camp, Aaron got his folding chair and brought it up to the fire, joining some of the others around the warmth of the flames. He stared at the orange and yellow tongues whipping and lashing at the air, occasionally spitting sparks into the night. He kept to himself, and didn’t offer any comments unless asked by someone. His mind was too busy thinking about Daryl tonight.

At first, he felt Daryl was reaching out to him, wanting to talk about his concerns. Talking had always been difficult for him. He never wanted to burden anyone with his troubles. In the past, Daryl could always talk to Aaron. That’s partly why they had been so good together, but now it seemed like Daryl didn’t trust him. Well, Aaron didn’t wholly trust Daryl either. The man flipped like a switch, and that was worrisome. It was obvious he still blamed Aaron for his current predicament. That was ridiculous. A year had passed, plenty of time for Daryl to work out his life. He could have turned down the position to run the Sanctuary. The Kingdom would have taken him in. He would have been a good addition. Daryl liked to roll in misery, and what better way to do that than to become the leader of the place that had destroyed him. Aaron knew how Daryl thought. He would have seen the Sanctuary as punishment for himself. Maybe he felt guilty about shooting that kid after all. The other reason he might have accepted Rick’s offer was to make Aaron feel bad, but that would mean that Daryl still cared. Aaron wasn’t sure that was the case anymore. Maybe he was reading too much into it, and it was simply that Daryl stopped caring about him. Inviting Aaron to his camp was a test to see if he still harbored feelings. Running him off meant he didn’t. If Aaron felt bad before, he felt even worse with this new discovery. How did they get here? Why did they let so much time slip by? Why hadn’t they tried harder? They were both guilty of the answers to all of these questions.

“Hey,” Paul said, pulling a chair up to the fire alongside Aaron. “What’s up?”

“Oh, hi Paul,” Aaron answered with no enthusiasm.

“Uh-oh, that sounds like trouble. Should I even ask how dinner was with Daryl?”

“We ate. We talked. He apologized for not coming to visit Caleb’s grave. And then the past came up, and … here I am.”

“Sorry to hear,” Paul said with empathy. “Anything I can do?”

Aaron shook his head while watching the flames. “Never mind all that. What happened around here? Any news?”

“Well, while you were gone, I got our instructions for our first goal. We are marking the spots for guard posts. And then . . .” Paul's words trailed off.

“And then what?” Aaron wondered where Paul was going with this.

“I kind of volunteered us for a scavenging run.” He winced after saying it, afraid Aaron might be upset. “But if you don’t want to, I can–”

“Great!” Aaron said with enthusiasm. “Where are we scavenging and what are we looking for?” The truth was, it was the perfect time for a run. He needed to get out and away, collect his thoughts about his exchange with Daryl.

Paul was taken aback. “Not what I was expecting, but–”

“Did you think I was going to be angry? I’m here to do a job, and if that means going on a run, then sign me up.” Aaron was being a little too obvious now, and Paul was picking up on it.

“Am I to assume not all’s well at camp Daryl?” Paul asked.

“He’s got his agenda and I’ve got mine. Enough said for now. So, what are we looking for?” Aaron was done talking about it.

Paul paused before answering, just in case Aaron had anything he wanted to add. Unfortunately he didn’t, and Paul wasn’t the type to pry. “We’re looking for something loud, possibly something mobile that can aid us in steering a herd without getting up close and personal. I got to thinking, and I know where there’s an old fire station that was turned into a museum. I can almost guarantee that they’ll have one of those old hand-crank sirens, like the ones used for air raids back in the day. They used them for sirens on the old fire engines too.”

“Brilliant,” Aaron complemented. “That’s smart.”

“Thanks,” Paul smiled.

“When do we leave?” It’s all Aaron wanted to know.

Paul watched him with skepticism. “Are you sure you’re all right?”

“Positive,” Aaron answered too fast. Paul let it go.

“We should probably leave in the morning.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

As they finished their conversation, one of the guys from Hilltop spotted Aaron and called him over. “Hey man, want to hang with us? Tony’s got some home brew.”

Tony’s home brew was an attempt to make beer that tasted like shit, but had a high alcohol content. “I’ll come hang with you all, but I’ll pass on the brew.” Aaron turned to Paul. “Want to join us?”

Paul smiled. “You go ahead.” He leaned in close to Aaron’s ear. “A word of advice. Stay clear of Tony’s brew.”

“I already know about it,” Aaron laughed. “But thanks for the warning.”

“Don’t stay out too late. We got an early morning.”

“Yes dad,” Aaron teased.

>>------->

A few hours later and the promise not to drink Tony’s brew shot to hell, Aaron staggered to his tent. He struggled with the zipper and finally went inside. It was a decent sized tent, big enough to stand in, though his hair brushed the top a little. He found it rather irritating, but ignored it. Aaron plopped onto his cot, almost making it collapse under his weight. Again he struggled as he unlaced his boots and took them off. He sat there a moment, staring at the floor. The past few hours were great. He hadn’t thought of Daryl once. The alcohol numbed him from feeling anything, and he forgot about everything for a while. Sitting in the dark tent, alone in the quiet, all those feelings started to bubble up from deep inside. The brew was like a truth serum, making him confront his fears and anger, and causing him to feel it tenfold. He hung his head, holding it in his hands, and delved into relentless self-pity.

“Why doesn’t he love me anymore?” Aaron said to himself, slurring his words.

He thought about their visit earlier in the evening. It seemed like a good start, dinner and conversation, but there had been a gaping hole between them. They had acted the entire time, covering the truth of what laid before them, an unseen path that Aaron felt wouldn’t lead back to Daryl. It led to an abyss of loneliness without him by his side. So many wonderful things happened in the past year, and every time Aaron found himself wishing Daryl was with him to share in it. He was discovering that he wasn’t truly happy, even though his journey into fatherhood had been one of the best things to come out of it all.

Whose fault had it been? Daryl’s? Aaron’s? Both probably. Daryl had done unspeakable deeds. Aaron had pushed him away instead of trying to understand. That ultimatum was what did them in. He knew Daryl wouldn’t respond well when given one. Daryl did things his own way, right or wrong, and came back when he was damn good and ready.

With Caleb’s death, the war, Daryl’s rash behavior to kill that boy at the outpost, it had been too much for Aaron to deal with all at once. The only solid action he could take at the time was to push Daryl away so he could do what needed to be done. He couldn’t deal with Daryl’s slip into insanity, if that’s what it was.

Aaron’s stomach started to turn. He was afraid he was going to be sick, and he didn’t want to do that inside the tent. He got up from the cot, but instead of taking a step forward, he stumbled backward. His feet got tangled up with the cot and he started to fall. When he put his hand out, hoping to catch himself, he found nothing but air and tumbled over the cot. Somehow he managed to land on the opposite side of his bed without doing any harm to himself or his bed. It made him think of something his mother always used to say about how only drunks and babies could fall and not get hurt. He sat there a moment, and thought of how this would have been much funnier if someone was here to share in his misfortune. That someone being Daryl of course.

“I’m such a pitiful fuck,” he said. “Why can’t I just move on from this?”

After contemplating his sad situation a few more moments, he was ready to get up. Aaron used the cot to help himself stand, and it worked. Unfortunately, he didn’t have anything to stabilize him once he was standing and wavered again. This time he reached his hand out to grab at anything to keep him falling, but all he found was the tent’s pole. There was a split second when he thought everything was going to work out, but then he felt the pole give way, and everything happened all at once. Aaron fell, the tent came down, and he heard a crack. At first he thought it was his leg or his arm, but no pain came afterward. However, the cot no longer stood as it should, and he realized he broke one of the wooden legs. He only got a quick glance before he found himself covered by the tent, which came down after the main pole bent from the weight of him leaning on it. He started feeling around for the edge of the material, punching at it. He was getting frustrated, and being drunk and uncoordinated was not making matters any better.

“Son of a bitch!” he shouted when he finally gave up.

Aaron could hear someone laughing at him. “Got yourself into quite a predicament.” It was Paul.

“Ha. Ha. Would you help me here?” Aaron mocked.

“Hold on. Just let me find the door,” Paul said. Aaron could hear that he was smiling, and probably having a hard time not coming up with some kind of smart comeback.

Finally, the material moved away, and Aaron looked up to see Paul smiling down at him. “Don’t say a word,” Aaron warned him.

“I wouldn’t dare.” Paul offered him a hand. Aaron took it and let Paul help him to stand up. Paul instantly made a face. “You drank Tony’s shit, didn’t you?”

“Don’t want to hear it, Paul.” It was a second warning. Paul was treading on thin ice.

Paul looked down at the mess that used to be Aaron’s tent. “It’s late and you’re drunk. Why don’t you just crash in my tent tonight? I’ll help you get this set up tomorrow.”

Aaron narrowed his eyes at Paul, but then he gave in and nodded in agreement. “Let me grab my sleeping bag.” He started to look for it, but his vision was playing tricks on him. So was his coordination.

“I’ll get it,” Paul smiled kindly. “Go on inside. Make yourself comfortable.

Aaron ducked and entered Paul's tent. It was exactly like his own, except it was standing up. It was very neat, which was normal for Paul. He hated clutter. Everything had a place and a purpose. He like that about Paul.

After a couple minutes, Paul came in with Aaron’s bag. He rolled it out on the floor next to his own bed. Aaron noticed that Paul didn’t have a cot. “Where’s your bed?”

“I don’t use one. I gave it away.”

“You opted to sleep on the hard ground? Are you glutton for punishment?” Aaron asked.

“I prefer it this way.” Paul could see Aaron wanted more of an explanation. “It’s kind of embarrassing, but I have this slight phobia about empty space below me.”

“You sleep on a bed at Hilltop. That doesn’t seem to bother you.” Aaron was trying to understand.

“Yeah, but there’s a box spring and a thick mattress between me and the floor. That’s different. It doesn’t bother me. But with the cot, there’s only the thin canvas beneath me. I know it sounds crazy, but I can’t help it. It’s really no different than people who don’t like swimming in the ocean for fear of what might be swimming around beneath them.”

Aaron didn’t know why, but he found Paul's phobia kind of funny. He tried not to laugh, but he couldn’t help it with the condition he was in. Paul didn’t seem to appreciate it though. “I’m sorry,” Aaron apologized while still giggling. “It’s just … you’re such a bad ass, but you’re afraid of the thing under your bed.”

“I’m a bad ass, huh?” Paul said. His eyes boar into Aaron’s in challenge.

“You know that. I don’t need to tell you,” Aaron said as he sat down on his sleeping bag. After a moment, Paul did the same.

They sat facing each other, legs crossed Indian style. Paul rested his elbows on his knees and leaned forward slightly. “You’re kind of out of sorts tonight. I think I’ve only ever seen you drunk once in the entire time I’ve known you. Want to talk about it?”

“Maybe I just wanted to get drunk,” Aaron retaliated. Paul's expression didn’t change. Aaron decided to confess. “All right. Yeah. I got trashed. I don’t know. Just releasing some tension, I guess.”

“I knew something was bothering you. I wish you’d talk to me. You know I’m there for you,” Paul reassured him.

“I thought I could move on but . . .” Aaron trailed off as the earlier events reappeared in his mind. “We couldn’t even get through one simple evening without a fight. It’s the first time we’ve really spoken to each other in a year, and tempers flared. Fuck,” Aaron complained, hanging his head. “He’s still pissed at me. He still defends what he did at the outpost. And the only thing he’s sorry for is not being there to help bury Caleb.”

“Like you said, it’s your first time talking again. It’s natural that you needed to rehash past events. Maybe now that you got that out of the way, you can both find your way back to each other.”

Aaron was silent. A thought came to him, one he never thought he would have. “I don’t think there’s a way back anymore. Something wasn’t right. Something was off between us. Maybe it’s time to face the truth. There’s nothing left of what we were. We’ve both changed too much.”

“That’s the booze talking,” Paul said as he fluffed his pillow and laid down. “You’ll feel different about it in the morning.”

Aaron laid down too, him and Paul facing each other. “You’re always so positive about things.”

“I like happy endings.” Paul's eyes danced in the dimly lit tent. There was a lantern flickering to the side, its flame turned down low.

“I like that about you, Paul,” Aaron said with a drunk smile. “You can see the good in any situation.”

“Well, you guys have a lot of history. That’s not easy to get over.”

“Why do you think I’m drunk,” Aaron laughed to himself. He stopped and scooted a little closer to Paul so they could talk in hushed voices. “You know what? I’m done. I wash my hands of him. I mean, what could I get out of a relationship with him at this point? He’s leader of the Sanctuary. I’m in Alexandria. He’s already told me he could never live there because of Negan. And I could never live where he is because I’d never expose Gracie to those … unsettled people. What I really miss is the Hilltop.” Aaron dared to look Paul in his eyes. “I miss having you around.”

“I miss you too,” Paul responded as a friend.

It had been so long, and Paul was handsome, sweet, and Aaron had no doubt that he still liked him. He flirted all the time, though it was innocent. Aaron never acted on it, merely laughing and playing along. Maybe it was time to try something new. He’s wasted the last year of his life waiting for Daryl to come back, hoping they’d return to the way it used to be, fantasizing about them sharing a life together as fathers to Gracie. After tonight though, it felt like that was never going to be anything more than a fantasy.

“Hey Paul,” Aaron said, sitting up on his elbow.

Paul copied Aaron’s moves and sat up too. “Yeah?”

Without another word, Aaron leaned into Paul until they were only a hair’s width away from each other. He gazed into Paul's amazing blue eyes, and then let his sight travel to his lips. Aaron moved the rest of the way in and kissed him, lips upon lips, testing the response. They separated but came together again, their kiss a little more aggressive than the first. Lips parted and tongues dared to touch before they paused again. Paul was a good kisser, and suddenly Aaron wanted to know more. To hell with it all. He’d waited long enough for intimacy. Tonight, it was going to be Paul.

Their kisses deepened, and Aaron felt his body begin to rise to the occasion. He scooted even closer to Paul until their bodies were flush. The sound of their lips and the feel of a warm body against his was sending Aaron quickly to the edge. He pushed on Paul's shoulder, making him lay on his back. Aaron covered him with his body, pinning him to the floor of the tent. To hell with friendship. To hell with celibacy. Aaron needed this.

He moaned between kisses and began writhing against Paul. “I want you,” he whispered, and he kissed Paul again.

Paul put a hand to Aaron’s shoulder and pushed him away. “W-what are you doing?” he said breathlessly.

“Something I should have done a long time ago.” Aaron moved in for another kiss, but Paul stopped him.

“Wait a minute.”

“What? I thought you wanted this,” Aaron said.

“I have. I do … but not like this.”

Aaron was confused. “You mean, in a tent where people around us can hear?”

Paul smiled up at him and cupped the side of his face. “No silly. You’ve been drinking.”

“And you should be thanking Tony because without it, I might still be wallowing over … never mind.”

“I like you, Aaron, but I want you when you know you’re ready. Right now it’s the booze talking. You’re out looking for revenge, and I don’t want to start something while you’re angry. I’ve been down that road, and it never works out. I respect you too much to let that happen.”

Aaron rolled off of Paul, and moved back over to his sleeping bag. He laid there looking up at the roof of the tent, and quickly felt himself sobering. His body heated with embarrassment. He wanted to leave, but he had nowhere to go, unless he wanted to sleep in a collapsed tent. “Wow, I feel like a shmuck.”

“I didn’t mean–”

“I think it’s best we just get some sleep. Goodnight,” Aaron said after cutting Paul off. He flipped onto his side, facing away from Paul, closed his eyes and slipped off into a drunken slumber. He never felt Paul smooth his hair down or kiss his cheek. And he never heard Paul confess how much he liked him.
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Safe Haven in the Chaos