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Safe Haven in the Chaos	By : IdrilsSecret Category: S through Z > The Walking Dead Views: 6517 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the walking dead or any of the characters. No money is being made from the writing of these stories

Chapter List
- 60
- 61
- 62
Chapter 62 Mixed Signals

It was morning, and Aaron awoke to an empty tent. His head was pounding, and the songbirds were giving him a splitting headache. Generally he liked nature and the outdoors, but not with a hangover caused by beer that tasted like antifreeze.

Thank God Paul was already up. He didn’t need to see Aaron in this state. And then he remembered they were going on a run together. “Shit,” he said, wincing at the sound of his groggy voice. “I’m such an idiot.”

The tent flap opened and Paul came in. “You’re a cute idiot, at least.” He had two porcelain mugs of coffee, one in each hand.

Aaron slowly sat up and rubbed his face. “I made an ass out of myself, didn’t I?”

“You don’t remember? Wow, I made that much of an impression on you huh?” Paul jested.

“I remember. I was just hoping that maybe you didn’t.”

“Pretty hard not to remember kissing you. Even drunk, you’re an amazing–”

“Don’t say it.” Aaron reached for his shirt lying next to him. He didn’t remember taking it off. Fortunately, he was still wearing pants.

Once dressed, Paul handed him a mug. Aaron drank it, and wished he could shrink up and disappear inside his cup. “I’ll give you some time to get ready and pack a bag. I’ve got some things to do before we leave. Wanna meet me in half an hour?”

“Yeah. Sounds good,” Aaron agreed, just so Paul would leave him to face the morning alone. He remembered his tent collapsing and cursed quietly again. One more thing he’d have to deal with. All he wanted was to go back to bed and hide inside his sleeping bag until he felt he could face the world again.

He would have to get his tent set back up before he could pack a few belongings. This was not a good time for fooling around with it, but he had no choice. Aaron crawled out of Paul's tent, and was surprised to see his own tent was already up. He looked around but he didn’t see Paul to thank him. Aaron smiled to himself, glad to have someone like Paul as a friend. Then he partially remembered their exchange last night and was embarrassed. Surprisingly, Paul was still his friend.

Aaron went inside his tent, grabbed his backpack and shoved some shirts inside. Next, he packed up a couple pairs of pants. While he was scooping up a few pairs of socks, he heard the tent flap move and open. “I told you I’d be ready in thirty. Are you in that big of a hurry to–” As Aaron turned to speak to Paul, he was taken by surprise when he found Daryl crouched down and looking inside. “Oh … hey,” he said hesitantly.

“Got a minute?” Daryl asked.

“It’s your dime,” Aaron answered.

“I won’t keep you. I know you gotta be somewhere,” Daryl said, cupping the back of his neck. “Look, about yesterday, I was wrong to start an argument. I want to apologize.”

Aaron stopped what he was doing to give Daryl all of his attention. Daryl continued.

“Sorry I was such a dick,” Daryl said. “I don’t blame you for anything. I don’t know why I said what I did.”

“I’m glad to hear it,” Aaron said protectively. “I’m sorry too.”

“Why? You didn’t do anything.”

“Not about yesterday. I’m sorry I gave you an ultimatum instead of trying to understand why you made the decisions you did. I still don’t agree with your hastiness in killing that boy, but I should have listened to your reasons for doing it.”

Daryl took a step closer to Aaron, and looked around the tent, as though he couldn’t look directly at him. “You were right. I need a break from the Sanctuary. I’m gonna talk to Rick about it.”

“Good. That’s good,” Aaron smiled. “You could come to Alexandria,” he suggested.

“I-I don’t know about that,” Daryl hesitated. “I ain’t ready to jump back in.”

“Baby steps,” Aaron said.

“Well, I’ll let you go. I’ll talk to you when you get back.”

“Okay. Yeah. Sounds good.” Aaron was overwhelmed with new hope as he watched Daryl leave the tent.

>>------->

Aaron and Paul were successful on their outing. They found the old fire station museum, and they found a vintage hand crank siren. The sun was setting soon, so they decided to spend the night at the fire station, and took measures to secure the place before settling down for the night. The museum was an actual fire station, originally built in the 1830’s. It even had the pole the firemen used to slide down. The upstairs was their sleeping quarters, left in the same condition it had been in when the station closed. Aaron and Paul took the stairs to the second floor and explored the area. It had been roped off so that visitors couldn’t get close to the antique artifacts. Aaron disregarded the signs and unhooked the faded red satin rope.

“I guess we could sleep up here, but I don’t know how comfortable these old beds will be,” Aaron said, observing the area.

“We’ve been up here for ten minutes, and you haven’t said anything about the pole,” Paul commented. He was standing next to the hole in the floor where the pole ran down to the first floor.

Aaron laughed to himself at Paul's boyish charm. “Let me guess. You used to want to be a fireman just so you could slide down the pole.”

“Who hasn’t?” Paul said, gazing down. “I can see the engine from up here.” He took off his backpack and dropped it on the ground. “I’m going down,” he said excitedly.

“You better check to see how sturdy that thing is first,” Aaron said.

“These were built to last,” Paul said, disregarding Aaron’s warning. He shrugged out of his long leather coat, and left it on top of his pack.

“Just be careful. We’re a long way from medical help.”

Paul stood at the pole, looked at Aaron and gave a wicked smile. He took the pole in his hands and jumped on. He whooped and hollered all the way down. Aaron bent over the hole and looked down. Paul was safely on the ground.

“That was fucking awesome,” Paul yelled up to Aaron. “You gotta try it.”

“No thank you,” Aaron said, backing away.

“Are you afraid of heights or something?” Paul said, antagonizing him.

“No, I’d just rather not slide down a thin pole through a hole in the floor.”

“Do you know how many firemen must have slid down this thing? I just went and I’m fine,” Paul argued.

“Yeah, and I know my luck. First time I try something new, and WHAM. It’s like a curse or something.”

Paul suddenly appeared back at the top of the stairs. Aaron hadn’t heard him come up. “Fine then, I guess I get to have all the fun.” He came to the pole, jumped on it and slid down again, this time twisting around as he went.

Aaron looked down to make sure he made it all right. Paul was smiling up at him. “Come on Aaron. Don’t let me be the only one to enjoy this. I mean, how many people get to play in a fire house and slide down the pole, even in these times? You gotta try it, even just once.”

“Well, when you put it like that,” Aaron said. He knew he was being ridiculous. It was just a pole. Hell, he’d fought off walkers in much more dangerous situations than this, and didn’t think twice about it. “Is it real slippery?” he called down.

“I wouldn’t say slippery. It’s smooth. It’s almost like the pole is carrying you down. I’m right here. I won’t let you get hurt.” Paul was doing a good job of encouraging him.

“All right. I’m coming down,” Aaron finally agreed. He carefully grabbed the pole, felt how smooth it was, pushed on it to make sure it was steady, and finally, he took the leap. His legs wrapped around it, and he began to come down as slowly as he could.

“That’s it! You’re doing it!” Paul said from below.

Aaron felt the rush sliding down, and how his stomach clenched tight the way it did when he took a hill too fast. He looked down and put his feet out just before he hit bottom.

Paul was right there to steady him by placing his hands on Aaron’s waist. “So, how was it?” Paul said excitedly.

Aaron hesitated, not wanting to admit Paul was right, but . . . “It was … Awesome!”

“Well, what are you waiting for? Go again. I’ll wait here for you,” Paul told him, and Aaron ran to the stairs.

The second time Aaron came down, he hollered all the way down. “Woo hoo!” He was so excited, he forgot to watch the ground, and came down a little hard. He stumbled and fell into Paul's chest. Paul wrapped his arms around Aaron to steady him. Both men were laughing, and their eyes locked. Their laughs gave way to the quiet of the station, and the noticeable static that developed between them.

Paul leaned in first, and captured Aaron’s lips. They were pressed against one another, and Paul's arms were already around Aaron’s waist. It happened fast, and Aaron didn’t have time to give it a second thought. His body reacted, and he kissed Paul back. It felt really good. Paul was good at his craft. Aaron hadn’t noticed how good he was last night because of his inebriated state.

Paul's hand came up and wrapped around the back of Aaron’s neck to hold him in place as they kissed. Instinctively, Aaron leaned into the feel of another man holding him, showing his want and need for him. So long it had been since he’d experienced this kind of intimacy.

Paul broke away, his eyes tracing a path up and down Aaron’s body. “I know I pushed you away last night, but tonight we’re both sober, and we’re alone, a-and … I want to be with you.” After his admission, he went in for another kiss that would hopefully lead to the two of them climbing the stairs and staying up there for a while.

Aaron was quickly melting into Paul's caress. His body was already screaming for release, and Paul was a very handsome man. Not to mention the fact that it had been a very long time since he’d slept with anyone, not since him and Daryl . . .

An image of Daryl popped into Aaron’s mind, and their last conversation. What was he doing? He was on the verge of getting Daryl back. He couldn’t do this … but, damn, how he wanted to. No, he couldn’t. Aaron fought mentally with himself until he found the will to push Paul away. He went about it gently. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Paul any more than he was going to have to do it now.

“You want to go upstairs?” Paul asked, sultry glacier blue eyes piercing to Aaron’s very soul.

“Paul,” he said and stopped. The sexual tension quickly phased out, replaced with apology.

Paul knew it right away, and hung his head. “Oh,” he said disappointed. “Did I just fuck this up? I thought you–”

“I do,” Aaron interrupted. “I-I did, but . . .”

“Daryl,” Paul finished for him. He looked away. “I thought you were ready to move on. I mean, I know you were drinking last night, but I was hoping there was some truth to your confession.”

“There was … last night. But … before we left this morning, Daryl came by to apologize. I … I think he wants to give it another try.” There, he’d said it out loud. That made it seem more real. “I’m sorry if I … I shouldn’t have … Do you forgive me?”

“Are you sure you’re not setting yourself up for more heartache?” Paul said with a sternness to his voice.

“Maybe, but I’ll never know if I don’t try,” Aaron admitted.

Paul bowed his head and shook it slowly back and forth. “I always said I’d never come between you and him, and I won’t now.”

“I feel horrible,” Aaron said.

“You should,” Paul returned quickly, shocking Aaron, but he let it go and made his best attempt at a smile. “All right, well, guess we should settle in for the night, and head out first thing in the morning.”

“You’re taking this surprisingly well. I thought you’d be mad at me or not want to be friends anymore.”

“I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed. And if anything, you know how I feel about you, if you didn’t already figure it out. It’s like you said, I won’t know until I try.” Paul reached out and took the pole in his hand. “As for this, I’m not done yet.” He walked away toward the stairs.

Aaron watched him go, but he turned and went the opposite direction. While they were looking for the siren, he noticed a bookshelf in an office, loaded with lots of old dusty books, and he was always on the lookout for new reading material.

Paul was brave, or he was just good at hiding is true feelings. He settled right back to their friendly relationship as though tonight never happened. It almost did, though. Paul had made Aaron forget about his exchange with Daryl for a moment. Now he questioned himself. Had he really wanted Paul or just the intimacy he’d lacked in the last year? If he hadn’t seen Daryl this morning, and he’d gone through with it with Paul, would he still want him afterwards, or was it only to satisfy his cravings? Though Aaron thought mostly about Daryl that night, and the thrill of a reunion with him, every now and again thoughts of Paul slipped in, and of the kiss, and how his body responded. It made him curious for something he may never have an answer to. If it meant having Daryl in his life again, he could live with that mystery.

>>------->

They were finally back at camp, and Aaron was putting his pack away when Paul came to his tent. Aaron was about to ask him if he wanted to see what was around to eat when Paul stopped him.

“Actually, I’m heading out. I just got done talking with Rick about taking my reprieve.” He said it cautiously, as though he didn’t want to hurt Aaron.

“Oh, okay,” Aaron said, trying not to sound disappointed or awkward. “Makes sense. I mean, you’ve been here for a while now, and everyone is allowed a break at some point.”

“Yeah,” Paul said as he breathed out a sigh.

“I’m sure you’ll be glad to get back to Hilltop,” Aaron said to make easy conversation.

Paul looked like he had something he didn’t want to tell him. “I’m not going to Hilltop.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, um, Rick asked me to go to Alexandria and check on how things are going there. You know, help out some if they need it.”

“Oh,” Aaron said, unable to hide his disappointment this time. Paul was watching his reaction, and Aaron didn’t want him to feel bad, so he made him a friendly offer. “You know, if you want, you can stay at my place. The townhomes are quiet, and you won’t have to bunk up with other people in one of the big houses.” Aaron smiled. “I know how you like your space.”

Paul seemed pleased that he knew him so well. “You really wouldn’t mind?”

“Not at all. The place is empty. Sarah has Gracie at her home. You’re more than welcome to it.”

Paul grasped Aaron’s shoulder and smiled at him kindly. “I really appreciate it, Aaron. Thank you.”

“No problem at all. Anything for a friend.” Why did he have to add that? It made it sound like he was rubbing it in. “I mean–”

“It’s all right. I know what you mean. I’ll see you in a couple weeks. By then I’m sure you’ll be ready for a break. I’ll make sure the place is spotless for when you go back.” Paul kept things friendly, but Aaron still felt the slight underlying tension. He really was a great guy. Here he’d admitted his feelings for Aaron, but he was letting it go so that Aaron could try to make it work with Daryl without the guilt of turning Paul down.

Aaron watched Paul leave and thought about the kiss. If the circumstances had been different, Aaron wouldn’t have hesitated to be with him. He was very kind, considerate and generous. He was a sweet man, and a bad ass fighter. And he was absolutely gorgeous. But Aaron’s heart belonged to another, and it was time to see if they could make it work once more.

>>------->

The first day was a killer. Two groups were arranged to cut down trees, one led by Rick, and the other one led by Daryl. In order to try and get the different communities to learn to work together, the groups were a mixture of people from all four. Daryl’s group was mostly made up of Saviors, the more troubled ones who needed Daryl’s keen eye and quick wits. There were two, Justin and Jed, who seemed to be the main instigators. Daryl had kept a close eye on them.

Aaron was disappointed that he wasn’t working with Daryl. He had been looking forward to talking to him again. But he did notice Daryl scanning the area until he locked eyes with Aaron. So he’d been looking forward to it too. That made Aaron smile. Baby steps, he reminded himself.

After finding the trees they wanted to use, people were teamed up in twos since it took two men to use a saw. They were doing it like people had in days long ago. No electricity and no gas meant chainsaws were a thing of the past. Manual labor was much more intense than Aaron could ever have guessed. It meant it would take longer to reach their goal. However, the payoff would be knowing they worked together to create something monumental. It wasn’t the empire state building, but this small bridge sure felt like it.

“Brought you some water,” Daryl said, approaching Aaron from behind. It had been a few hours since they started working.

“Hey. Didn’t see you coming. How’s things going with your group?” Aaron asked as he took the water bottle. He took a long drink before handing it back to Daryl, but he waved him off.

“Keep it,” Daryl said. “Well, they’re getting along well, but that’s because it’s their own people. I got a couple who don’t play well with others. And by others I mean anyone not from the Sanctuary.”

“That’s always going to be an issue, I’m afraid.” Aaron wished they would come around. “Have you had a chance to talk to Rick?”

“About what?”

Did he forget already? “About finding a replacement,” Aaron reminded him.

“Oh. No, not yet. Thought it would be best to have someone in mind before I asked. That’s my biggest problem, finding someone to take over for me. Someone I can trust. I’ll figure it out though.” Daryl stopped and looked around. “Where’s Jesus?”

“Rick sent him to Alexandria to check on things there. Guess he’s staying for a while,” Aaron said. “So … um … that mean’s a spot opened up at camp. You know … if you were tired of living in the suburbs.” As soon as he suggested it he regretted it. “Sorry, didn’t mean to–”

“I’m good where I’m at. Thanks anyways,” Daryl said.

Aaron wasn’t sure how to take that answer. He was trying not to read too much into things.

“Hey, you want to have dinner tonight?” Daryl asked, and the mood improved by half.

“I’d love to. We’ve got venison stew back at camp tonight.”

“I know. I’m the one who brought in the meat,” Daryl said.

“Of course you are,” Aaron smiled.

“Couldn’t find no rabbits,” Daryl mentioned, and his eyes danced with mirth.

Aaron laughed lightly. It was good to know Daryl was making an effort too. So maybe they were both interested. It was just going to take some time to get reacquainted.

Later that night, after putting in a day of hard labor, Daryl and Aaron sat by the fire enjoying a bowl of stew with some of the other people. Rick made his rounds, telling everyone what a good first day it had been, boosting moral so early in the game. As he walked past Daryl and Aaron, he grasped their shoulders. “Good to see you two together,” he said quietly, and then he kept on walking.

Aaron smiled shyly and glanced sideways at Daryl, but they were sitting with other people, so Daryl gave no response that would draw attention.

“Fags,” Aaron heard from somewhere behind them. It was said softly so that whoever said it wouldn’t get caught. There were people sitting around their own small fires or lanterns, but none of them were paying attention. And then he saw Justin and Jed. Justin had long hair pulled back in a ponytail, and beady eyes that were permanently turned to slits. Jed looked like the typical redneck, good ol’ boy, with his short hair and scruffy beard. He was Justin’s yes man, and went along with anything that Justin said or did. Jed in particular ruffled Aaron’s feathers. He was just one of those types.

They heard obnoxious snickering, and Daryl turned to look over his should. “Got something to say?” he growled in a low tone.

“No, boss,” Justin said, but he glared back in challenge.

“Keep it that way,” Daryl warned before turning back to the fire. “Dick,” he said so only Aaron could hear.

“Is this what it’s like for you?” Aaron asked after things settled down a bit.

“They have their moments. I caught Justin and Arat using a walker as a scarecrow at the Sanctuary the other day. Made them take it down. And then I found graffiti on the side of the building just as Rick came by to visit. Big huge letters. Said, “We are still Negan.” I don’t know, man. It’s troubling.”

“I can understand why you’re hesitant about finding a replacement,” Aaron admitted.

They heard the men get up from their lawn chairs, and Jed made a comment. “Let’s get out of here before they start making out.” Again, it was said in a hushed tone just loud enough for Daryl and Aaron to hear.

This time, Aaron turned. “At least I got someone to make out with.” Aaron said. He turned back to the fire and added, “Asshole.” He’d heard through the grapevine that Jed’s woman had recently left him because he was still a follower of Negan. She had fortunately seen the positive side to working with new communities and left the Sanctuary to take up residence at the Kingdom.

“Better keep you’re damn mouth shut. Fucking queer,” Jed antagonized.

Aaron started to turn again, but Daryl put a strong hand on his arm to stop him. “Ain’t worth it,” Daryl said. They heard the men walk away, and remained silent for a few moments. “So, who you making out with?” Daryl asked.

“What?” Aaron said, confused at first by the question. Then he realized what he’d said, taking a liberty he probably shouldn’t have. When he looked at Daryl to apologize, he saw the corner of his mouth quirked in reserved smile. “Sorry. I didn’t meant to insinuate–”

“It’s all right,” Daryl said.

Aaron was embarrassed that he’d taken things for granted. Just because him and Daryl were talking and hanging out by the fire together didn’t mean they were an item again. Daryl didn’t seem upset, which was a good thing, but Aaron didn’t want him to think he was assuming anything either.

He saw Carol across the way, walking with a couple mugs of coffee. She joined Ezekiel and Henry by their small fire, and cozied up to the King, handing him a cup. Henry was playing a board game with a couple other teenagers. It looked like a normal family scene, one he might have seen in a Norman Rockwell painting. “She seems happy,” Aaron commented.

Daryl turned to see what Aaron was looking at, and nodded in agreement. “’Bout time.”

“He proposed, you know,” Aaron said.

“Yeah, she told me. She made him put the ring away, but told him to keep it handy,” Daryl said with a huff of a laugh.

“Queen Carol. Has a nice ring to it,” Aaron smiled as he watched her lay her head on Ezekiel’s shoulder. He looked completely smitten.

Watching the different people talking and laughing, kids playing games, couples snuggling up to each other, it made Aaron wish he and Daryl could be more intimate. He looked down. Their legs were close but not touching. If Daryl wanted to feel the closeness, he would have already cozied up to Aaron. The fact that they were still separated meant he wasn’t ready yet. This was much more difficult than Aaron thought it would be, but he would try his best to let Daryl lead this slow dance back to the way they used to be. He knew it would be worth it in the end, if it was meant to be.

At the end of the evening, Daryl walked with Aaron to his tent, which was on the way to Daryl’s camp. “I’ll see you in the morning,” Aaron said with a smile, expecting Daryl to nod and keep walking.

Daryl stopped with him, looked around the area, finding it fairly empty, and took Aaron’s wrist, pulling him close. Aaron watched him curiously, and suddenly, Daryl was kissing him. It was a simple kiss, just lips upon lips, and nothing too sultry, but a kiss all the same. When they parted, Daryl smiled at him. “Now you’re not lying about making out with someone,” Daryl said in a half teasing manner. “See you tomorrow,” he said and walked away.

>>------->

About a week had passed, and all their hard work was beginning to pay off. Several trees were cut down and made into logs. The first few boards were finished and ready to be installed. There had been no incidents with either people or walkers. A rather large herd had been spotted, but it was far from the worksite. The people patrolling the surrounding area kept an eye on it. So far there was no cause for alarm.

Aaron and Daryl hadn’t shared another private moment like the one at Aaron’s tent. They were friendly toward each other, and spent time together when they weren’t working. Usually, they sat by the main fire, going over events of the day. A few times they shared food and conversation with other people at their fires. They played poker with Laura and some of her friends from the Sanctuary. Aaron had been leery of her at first, but after getting to know her, he’d seen who she’d become after getting away from Negan’s bad influence. Daryl later told Aaron that she’d been scared of him, and knew the safest way to live was to bend to his rules. Like so many Saviors, she put blinders on and did what she was told to stay alive or to keep from being mutilated.

Laura admitted that she had been the one responsible for making sure the iron was heated and ready when Negan burned Dwight’s face as a punishment for stealing from the Sanctuary and running away.

The mention of Dwight’s name made Aaron’s stomach knot up. When she asked if anyone knew what happened to him, Daryl told her he’d disappeared after the war. Aaron had a memory of Daryl ordering Dwight into the truck as he grabbed his bow and a gun and drove away from Hilltop. Daryl swore that he would kill Dwight when it was all over, and when Aaron confronted him about it, Daryl didn’t confirm or deny what happened that day. Aaron assumed the worst. It was a dark cloud that hung over them, something they chose not to speak of. Every once in a while, Aaron wondered how he’d done it, execution style or face to face. Did he at least make it so Dwight wouldn’t get back up, or was he roaming with that huge herd in the distance? Aaron wouldn’t ask. It was a subject he wasn’t ready to discuss, not now and maybe not ever.

Another week gone, and everything was still in check. The bridge was coming along slowly. Today Daryl and Aaron were taking a break while more wood was made into planks. They had ran out the day before, and found that they didn’t have anything to do but wait.

“We could join the herding team,” Aaron suggested when they were looking for something to keep them busy.

“I think I’d rather do nothing for a change,” Daryl said. He was leaning against a tree, chewing his lip as he looked out across the way. “It’s pretty around here.”

Aaron took the moment to observe with Daryl. “Hmm, it is. I hadn’t noticed.” Aaron laughed to himself as a memory came to him. “Remember when you took me out to that overpass to remind me to look around every once in a while? That was a beautiful place.”

“I remember,” Daryl said, and a smile threatened to curl the corner of his mouth. “That was a long time ago, before we were . . .” He hesitated to say anymore.

“Before we were together. Yeah, I remember it like yesterday. We almost had our first kiss on that bridge.”

“Damn walkers couldn’t give us one moment’s peace,” Daryl complained lightly.

Aaron came up next to him, and leaned against the same tree so that they were shoulder to shoulder. If he didn’t say something now, he might never. “We could get back to that … to us … the way we were back then.”

Daryl seemed to tense, but he didn’t move away. “A lot has happened since then. We’ve said and done things that we can’t take back.”

“That doesn’t mean we can’t forgive. I don’t like what you did, but I’m trying to understand where you were coming from. And I’m sure there’s things about me that still bother you today.”

“Mmph,” Daryl grunted, keeping his gaze on the horizon.

“Would you ever want to try?” Aaron asked.

“You don’t think too much has changed? I mean, look at you. You’re a father. You’re raising a child. Are you sure you’d want her knowing someone like me?” It sounded like Daryl was coming up with excuses.

Aaron was about to answer him, when they heard shouting at the camp. The conversation was put on hold for the moment as they ran to see what was happening. When they got there, Jed and Justin were confronting a couple men from Hilltop. Daryl broke it up and pulled his men aside. Aaron decided to question the Hilltop men. After getting all sides of the story, it seemed the argument broke out over rations. Jed and Justin accused the other two men of getting more than their share of the food. It turned out that the men had skipped their portions at lunch to help with the plank crew, and they were just now cashing in on their share. Even after it was explained, Jed and Justin were still angry and accused Daryl and Aaron of siding with the other two men.

“That’s bullshit, and you know it,” Aaron argued in return.

Jed was about to get in his face, but Daryl stopped him, pushing him back and away from Aaron. “Ain’t you all got something to do?”

“We’re waiting like you,” Justin answered.

“Then I’ll find something to keep you busy,” Daryl seethed. He glanced back at Aaron and shrugged. “So much for a day off.” He rounded up the two Saviors and led them to an area away from the others, and put them to work.

Aaron went back to his tent, picked up a book that Paul left for him to read, and had a seat outside. He started with the cowboy romance, since that seemed to be the only action he was going to see for a while.

Later that evening, after the meal, Aaron finally saw Daryl again. He’d been gone all day. Now, he was escorting the two men to their side of the camp, an area where the Saviors seemed to congregate. He didn’t look at Aaron as he passed by. Aaron watched curiously, and noticed Jed had a black eye. Justin glared at Aaron, as though he blamed Aaron for whatever happened.

Aaron turned back to his book, but he wasn’t reading. He was thinking about what had happened, and wanted to confront Daryl about it. He waited until he saw Daryl coming back by. Again, Daryl wouldn’t look at him. Aaron got up and followed him. It looked like Daryl was going back to his camp.

“Hey, wait up,” Aaron called out.

“Go home, Aaron,” Daryl commanded without even a glance his way.

“Is everything okay?” Aaron asked. He was following at a distance.

“It’s fine. Now go back. I’ll see you tomorrow.” That was all he said, and he was gone.

Aaron went to the edge of the area where the Saviors had their tents, and looked around for Jed. He caught a glimpse of him going into the medical tent, which was close to the center of the camp, alongside the main tent. Aaron waited around until Jed left, and then he went to talk to Siddiq.

“Hey, Doc,” Aaron greeted with a smile.

Siddiq turned and looked surprised to see him. “Hi Aaron. Anything I can do for you?”

“Oh, I’m good. I was just … uh … I was checking on one of your patients, Jed in particular.”

Siddiq’s brow furrowed. “What do you want to know about him?” he asked curiously.

“It’s nothing really. I saw him come in with a black eye, and I was just wondering what happened to him?”

Siddiq was cleaning up his work area when Aaron came in, and he continued as he spoke. “Well, I know there are two sides to every story, but Jed claims that Daryl attacked him for no reason except that he didn’t like the way Jed was doing something.”

“I know Daryl, and he wouldn’t hit someone if he didn’t have a reason for doing it,” Aaron defended.

“That’s why I didn’t make any assumptions. Have you spoken to Daryl?”

Aaron shook his head. “He’s not in much of a talking mood.”

“Just so you know, Jed had a black eye and nothing more. The eye socket seems fine, and there was no damage to the eye itself. It will hurt, and it will swell, no doubt, but he’ll make a full recovery.”

“Thanks, Siddiq. If I find anything out, I’ll come tell you.”

Siddiq waved him off. “Not necessary. I try not to get too involved with the politics.”

Aaron left the infirmary and went to his tent, where he wondered into the early morning what had taken place. What had gotten Daryl so upset that he wouldn’t even talk to him?

>>------->

Word came in the morning that the bridge building crew had planks ready to lay once again. Aaron was one of the first ones at the site. He stood by and watched the others slowly trickle in. Finally, Daryl arrived. He looked tired and unsociable. He wouldn’t want to talk much today, but that never stopped Aaron in the past.

“Good morning,” Aaron greeted happily.

“Mmph,” Daryl grunted.

“Did you sleep well?” Aaron would do what he could to make conversation and engage Daryl.

“I guess,” he said tersely.

It was time to get to work, and Daryl and Aaron retrieved a plank from the pile. They carried it to the bridge and carefully put it in place. Then they attached it with hammer and nails. While they worked, another pair started on the next plank. They would alternate until they ran out of wood, which usually took most of the day. Meanwhile, another crew worked to make the planks that would be laid down the following day.

As Aaron and Daryl worked, Aaron told him about the improvements made to Alexandria, and about how difficult it had been to move out of their old house. “Of course, I couldn’t stay there because there was a hole in the front where the door used to be.”

“That’s a shame,” Daryl said.

“It was. You know those old store signs we had hanging on the front porch? Gone, all of them. I thought maybe I could salvage some, but they were obliterated. The door is fixed now. New people live there.”

“Isn’t that kind of weird?” Daryl asked. He was finally coming around.

“It was at first. I used to walk by there with Gracie in her stroller, and slow down as I passed by. There’s two families living there now. I guess they turned the office into a bedroom or something. I miss it there. That was my home for a long time. And your home too.”

Daryl worked in silence, but slowly he nodded in agreement. “Yeah,” he said with a slow southern drawl.

As they spoke, they finished and stood up to relieve their knees from where they were kneeling on the ground. Aaron watched Daryl, who was looking off into the distance. He could tell his mind had traveled back to better days, and he decided to take a chance. “You could come back, you know.”

“Where? Alexandria?” Daryl questioned.

“Yes, where else. I’m living in the townhomes now, and they aren’t that bad. It’s enough room for the three of us.”

“Three,” Daryl repeated and huffed.

“You should at least come by and meet Gracie.”

“Maybe some time, but–”

“I just know she’d like you. And if you ever got to know her better you’d love her too,” Aaron said, his enthusiasm building. He paused and thought of an incident that happened recently. He laughed at the thought. “The other day, I’d just gotten out of the shower and dressed in this shirt that I’d been saving to wear. It was brand new. I found it while out scavenging with Paul.”

The mention of Paul's name made Daryl flinch. “You two still do that?”

“Every once in a while we do. Anyways, I’d just put on my shirt, and Gracie started crying. I mean, she was screaming. Kids got a great set of lungs. I picked her up and checked her diaper but she was dry. And just as I was bringing her towards me to cuddle her, she just projectile vomits all over me.” Aaron noticed the disgusted face Daryl made at that point. “I’m covered in applesauce, and you know how I feel about applesauce. I’m looking at Gracie, and thinking I should be pissed right now. But the look on her face is just so precious. I can see she’s not feeling well. I’m standing there in a ruined shirt, trying my best not to puke myself because the smell of the applesauce is really making my stomach turn. And all I feel is a need to comfort her and make her better. I don’t give a shit about the shirt or the applesauce. I realize in that split second that I would do anything for her to make the bad go away. I’ll tell you, it was the most amazing life changing moment I’ve ever experienced. I think that’s the day I really accepted the fact that I was her father.”

Daryl heard everything Aaron was telling him, but he remained quiet. This was a completely different life from the one Daryl had been leading for the past year. His was still filled with danger and unexpected challenges. Aaron was looking at him for a response. “Sounds interesting.” Daryl looked to the other workers with their plank, and told them him and Aaron would finish nailing it in. He was looking for a distraction.

Aaron could tell he wasn’t impressed by the story. Why would he be? For the past year Daryl had been engulfed in life as the leader of the Sanctuary. If he would only try. “For your next reprieve, why don’t you and I go to Alexandria for a couple days?”

They got back to their knees. Daryl started hammering while Aaron handed him the nails. He wasn’t ready to give up just yet. “We’ll just hang out. You can get to know Gracie and–”

“Listen,” Daryl interrupted. “I don’t want to give you any false hope, but I ain’t too sure about that.”

“If it makes you uncomfortable to stay at my place, you can stay somewhere else. Maybe Rick and Michonne will put you up. I’m sure they wouldn’t mind.” Aaron was trying hard to make the sale.

“I don’t know, man. Babies make me nervous.” Daryl was reaching for excuses.

“What? Why? I’ve heard the stories of how you took over when Judith was born, because Rick was still dealing with the death of his wife. They say you scooped her up and rocked her and–”

“That was different. Like you said, the kid’s mother just died. I think I did it more for Lori than the baby, you know, out of respect.”

Aaron softened his voice and looked at Daryl while he worked. “I think you’d make a great dad,” he said with compassion.

Daryl suddenly threw the hammer down and jumped to his feet. “That’s what you think, huh? And a great fucking example I had growing up, or have you forgotten about the scars on my back.”

“You are nothing like your father, Daryl.”

“Stop trying to tell me who I am and who I’m not. What do you know? You weren’t there. You never met my old man. He was a drug dealing, lying, asshole drunk who liked to take the hate he had for his own life out on me. I’m the product of a shitty environment. Is that the kind of person you want around a baby?” Daryl was drawing attention to them now.

“I really think you need to lower your voice,” Aaron warned.

“No, you started this. Let’s play it out.” Daryl paced back and forth, and then stopped in front of Aaron, who was on his feet again. “I just had a guy on my crew mouth off to me. He’s been stirring the pot for a while now, getting under my skin, saying shit he shouldn’t be saying. Yesterday, he took it too far. I’m supposed to get the situation under control, or so says the council. So what did I do? I punched him in the fucking face, gave him a black eye. I did it because that’s how we solved problems in the Dixon household. This is why I never wanted the responsibilities of a leader. And I sure as hell don’t want the responsibility of a father.”

Aaron was shocked by Daryl’s tantrum. It came out of nowhere. “How can you say that? You’ve never even tried.”

“Fuck you and your ‘trying’ bullshit. You’re the one who took the kid in. You’re the one’s been raising her for the past year. You know what? Even if you’d asked me a year ago, I would have said hell no. I ain’t got time for that shit.”

Aaron’s eyes narrowed on Daryl. “Wow, you’re a real work of fucking art. For a year, I’ve been hoping you’d changed. I was praying you’d want to start over, leave the Sanctuary, move back in with me, and maybe even welcome Gracie into your life. I’ve put my own life on hold for you.”

“I never asked you to do that,” Daryl commented.

“I know you didn’t. I just wanted everything to go back to the way it used to be. I thought we’ve been getting along well, moving things forward. And the other day when you kissed me, I thought that–”

“You thought wrong,” Daryl said, his tone low and definite.

“I see that now.” Aaron ran his hand through his hair out of frustration and paced back and forth. “You know what? I’m done. I’m fucking done with you and your shitty attitude. It’s been like walking on eggshells around you. God forbid anyone raise Daryl’s dander. Well, you know what? I’m through waiting and wondering. I wasted a goddamn year of my life thinking that you had come around, hoping that you learned from past mistakes. I thought if I showed you that I forgave you it would open your eyes and remind you of exactly what we used to have together. I foolishly thought you’d want to be involved with me and Gracie, but I was wrong. You know what I think? I think all the time I invested in our relationship was just me trying to turn you into someone you’d never be happy with. For that I’m sorry. I’m sorry for wasting my time and yours. This here is and always was the real Daryl Dixon. You wallow in misery, and you like it down there in the dregs of your emotions. So stay at your Sanctuary. You definitely deserves it.” Aaron waited to see Daryl’s reaction. Surely, he’d have some kind of comeback. What he received was non-reaction and no emotion, just Daryl staring him down through his long greasy hair. Aaron shook his head and huffed with frustration. “That’s it? No comment? You know what?” Aaron got in Daryl’s face. “Fuck you for the last time. I’m out of here.” With that, Aaron marched off the worksite and headed for the main tent to speak to Rick.

Carol was sitting inside the tent talking with Tara, something about needing more people on herd crew. Aaron wasn’t paying much attention. He was a mess after blowing up at Daryl. Carol could see something was wrong. She smiled at Tara and asked if she’d give them a minute. Tara nodded and left.

“So, what is it?” Carol said right away.

Aaron was so upset he could hardly form any words. He just paced back and forth and shook his head in astonishment. When he stopped, Carol was still waiting for an answer. “I … I-I’m … I have no words. I literally have no words right now.”

“What happened and who is this about?” she asked again.

“Do I need to say his name aloud? Because if I do, I think my head will explode, or at the very least, blood will shoot from my eyes,” Aaron said. Carol was still watching him, waiting. “I gave that man every part of me, and then I gave him a year’s worth of space, and he treats me like shit … as though I never mattered. That we never mattered. You’ve seen it. You’ve witnessed it. But now, I don’t know who that man is out there, and quite frankly, I don’t want to know.”

“He’s under a lot of stress right now,” Carol said to justify.

“Oh, this goes way beyond stress. I wish it was a simple case of stress. This is something altogether different.”

“Sit down a moment and collect yourself. You’ve gotten all riled up. Daryl’s always been good at doing that to people,” Carol said, getting up from her chair. She led Aaron to it, and gave him a gentle push to make him sit.

Aaron took a few deep breaths before he spoke. “We were just talking. I was telling him about Gracie. I know he’s been through a lot lately, and I thought suggesting a short reprieve might help him out. Then, he flew off the hinges, yelling and shit. It was an attack. That’s what it felt like. And I defended myself. I think I told him to fuck off.”

Carol contained a laugh, but when Aaron shot her a dirty look, she choked it back quickly. “That place has changed him. I’ve told him time and time again that he needs to get away from there once in a while.”

“I’ve said the same thing. He just won’t listen,” Aaron said. “He has excuses. He doesn’t trust anyone else to run the Sanctuary. He’s got too much going on to leave right now. It goes on and on. I think he doesn’t want to leave, like it’s some sort of punishment to himself. I don’t know. I’m just trying to figure him out, but I can’t anymore. I know I’ve said this a thousand times by now, but this time it’s really over. Daryl and I are through. Let him stay at the Sanctuary. Let him rot away in his suffering. I’m moving on. I should have done it a year ago. That’s on me. I’m a dad now. I’ve got Gracie to look after, to keep safe. That’s why I’m out here instead of home watching her speak her first words or crawl for the first time. But it wasn’t all for Gracie. Some of it was for me. I wanted to rekindle something with Daryl. I wanted to spend time with him, get to know him again. And I wanted him to see what I have and want it too. I guess that’s where I went wrong.”

“If you’d just let me talk to him,” Carol started to suggest.

“No, not this time. I’m serious. It’s over between us. Besides, the way he is now, his violent episodes, his anger, I don’t think it’s a good idea for him to be around Gracie. This is it, Carol. We’re through.” As Aaron finished talking, Rick came inside, and looked back and forth between the two.

“Something wrong?” Rick asked.

“I wanted to ask you if I can take my reprieve now. I’ve been at the camp for a while, and I want to go home for a couple days to check up on things, spend some time with Gracie,” Aaron asked.

“Sure. When are you wanting to leave?” Rick inquired.

“Today. Now if it’s all right with you.”

“I’ve got a couple going back to Alexandria in the morning, if you want to–”

“I’d rather leave now,” Aaron interrupted.

“You know the rules about traveling. We do it in pairs or groups, never alone,” Rick said with authority.

“Then see if you can get these people to leave today,” Aaron said with desperation. “I can’t stay here another moment. I’m sorry. I just can’t.”

“I’ll talk to them,” Carol volunteered. “It’s Wesley and Veronica. I don’t think they’ll mind leaving today. I think they’re kind of anxious to get home too.”

Aaron turned and smiled at Carol. “Thanks.”

“If they agree to go, then I’m fine with it,” Rick said. He was obviously confused by Aaron’s sudden need to depart. Carol would most likely fill him in on what had happened after Aaron was gone.

Aaron left the tent, and was heading to his own to pack and be ready whenever the others were. As he was going there, he spotted Daryl on the other side of camp. He was watching him, but his face was expressionless, just as his words had been earlier. Aaron looked away and turned his back. He could feel the bile rise in his stomach. It did not please him in the least to have such indignation in his heart.

Within only a couple hours, the people Carol spoke of were ready to leave. Aaron joined them on his horse, and they left the camp. Aaron never looked back. He knew he would have to return, but for now it was behind him. This break would give him a chance to figure out how he was going to continue working with Daryl close by, and deal with everything that went along with that.

>>------->

Later that same day, Daryl was walking through the camp, looking for something to eat, when Carol stopped him. “Can I talk to you a minute?” she asked.

Daryl rolled his eyes, knowing what this was about. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Oh yes you will talk about it. Wanna tell me why Aaron shot out of here like a bat out of hell?”

“Not that it’s any of your business, but I didn’t want him having any false hope, so I locked it down before it became a problem.”

“He started talking about his little girl and you told him to go the fuck away?” Carol accused.

“It’s not … That wasn’t why I–”

“What the hell is your problem?” Carol interrupted. “Aaron just wants to get along, especially since you have to work together.”

Daryl was getting annoyed, and he knew Carol wouldn’t let up. “It’s not about his kid or getting along.”

“Then why the hell are you being such an asshole towards him?” Carol asked.

Daryl hung his head and closed his eyes. “Because I’m poison.”

“You’re what?” Carol said, not understanding his meaning.

Slowly, he looked up, but not into her eyes. “I’ve changed.”

“We’ve all changed.”

“I’ve done things that I can’t come back from. Things that Aaron won’t be able to forget. I see it when he looks at me. There’s a part of him that fears me. He’s never looked at me that way before, not even in the beginning when I was trying to scare him off. That’s when I realized that I’ve gone to a place I don’t think I can ever recover from. It’s a part of me now, and that part is ruined,” Daryl carefully explained. “I don’t trust myself, and if I can’t do that I can’t be around him, especially with his kid.”

“Aw sunshine. We’ve all been to that place at one time or another,” Carol said with sympathy. She reached out and pushed his hair from his eyes so she could see them more clearly. “God knows I was deep in that place, so deep that I tried to check out. I’ve done things, Daryl, things that even you would be appalled to know about. The thing is, it’s not about the ‘coming back’. It’s about coming back with the burden, because you know it can’t be undone. You went there. You know you can do it, and you’re afraid you’ll do it again. You’re frightened to let those you love see that side of you. If they do, they’ll be gone forever. Am I right so far?” Carol paused.

“Yeah.” Daryl finally looked her in the eyes because she was reading him perfectly. He couldn’t help wonder what trials she’d been through.

“And you push them away, just like I did. But I’m here to tell you that letting them in is part of the healing. Ezekiel? He’s saved me more times than one, and he doesn’t even know it. I know it, and that’s what matters.”

“Yeah, but was he there when you turned into the monster?” Daryl said angrily. “Aaron was. He saw it and that’s why he fears me sometimes. I don’t know how to move on from that. I don’t know if I can. I don’t know if he can.”

“And you won’t be able to until you get away from that place,” Carol accused, her tone turning serious. “Talk to Rick. Tell him you’ve done your time as leader of the Sanctuary, but it’s time someone else stepped up. You don’t belong there, and I can see you think you do. You’re using it to punish yourself, aren’t you?” She didn’t wait for a reply. “You’ll never heal as long as your part of the place that hurt you to begin with.” Carol reached out and gently pulled him down to kiss his forehead. “Just think it over for now.”

“Mmhmm,” he mumbled. He wasn’t agreeing or committing to change. He might allow himself to think about it, but for now, he would let things remain as they were. He wasn’t sure he could convince himself that Aaron was better off without him. As far as he was concerned, Aaron was safer this way, and that’s what had always mattered.
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Safe Haven in the Chaos