Adult-FanFiction.org : Television / Streaming

Safe Haven in the Chaos	By : IdrilsSecret Category: S through Z > The Walking Dead Views: 6517 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the walking dead or any of the characters. No money is being made from the writing of these stories

Chapter List
- 61
- 62
- 63
Chapter 63 Build Them Up, Tear Them Down

By the time Aaron arrived at Alexandria, it was late. The sun had set with only a slim line of orange seen close to the horizon. He was exhausted by the trip home. The journey had been long, and his riding partners had been somewhat irritating. Wesley and Veronica were nice people. That wasn’t the problem. They were a new couple, still in the ‘head over heels’ stage. Aaron had witnessed the quiet exchanges, the subtle hints, the private smiles or winks. To anyone else, it might have been nice to see a couple so deeply in love, but for Aaron it was a crude reminder of what he no longer had.

He’d spent the entire time thinking about how he and Daryl got to where they were. It was a damn shame, but this was the reality of it. They were finally, definitely finished. Aaron was through trying. Nothing he did worked to make Daryl realize he still loved him and wanted him back. It was time to move on for good and let Daryl go, but that was easier said than done.

Aaron took his horse to the stables and walked down the paved streets of the Virginia town. He was still amazed by the progress they had made. He was proud to call Alexandria home, and he looked forward to contributing more to the advancement of this place. He had seen the town as it was in the beginning, through a couple attempts to destroy it, and now, as it became much more than it was originally meant to be. It truly was self-sustaining. Deanna’s dream for Alexandria was finally becoming a reality.

He arrived at Sarah’s house to get Gracie and take her home. Finally, something to look forward to. He’d missed his girl over the past several weeks. Had it really been a month? He knocked softly, and Sarah came to the door.

She greeted him with a warm smile. “Aaron,” she sang. “I didn’t know you were coming home. Come in. Come in. You look tired.”

“I am,” he said as he hugged Sarah. “It was a long ride.” As he spoke, he looked around the house.

Sarah smiled. “She’s in bed, but you can look in on her if you want.”

Aaron knew where the children’s bedroom was, and he led the way. Being a nanny to most of the young children in Alexandria, Sarah had her house set up like a daycare. The extra rooms were for playing, sleeping, drawing, and learning. Gracie would be in the spare bedroom used for naptime. He approached the door and slowly turned the knob, pushing on the door to open it just a crack. Gracie was in a crib. There was a lamp on, and its shade cast pastel colored zoo animals onto the wall. There was a yellow giraffe, an orange tiger, a blue elephant and a purple monkey giving just enough light to make it cozy in the room. The crib was on the other side, and Aaron approached almost on tiptoes. He looked down into the crib and smiled as his heart burst at the sight of her. She looked like a little cherub with her poofy cheeks. She was sound asleep.

He wanted to pick her up and hold her, let her wake up in his arms. He wanted to hear her little voice call him daddy again, but she looked so content. “Hi sweet Gracie. Your daddy’s home,” he whispered softly.

Sarah had followed him in and stood behind him. “She had a busy day today. We finger painted the porch and drew with sidewalk chalk in the driveway.”

He couldn’t bring himself to disturb her. “I hate to move her now. She out cold it seems. Would you mind if I let her sleep and came back first thing in the morning?”

“Not a problem. She’s a joy to have around. Besides, you look like you could use a night to sleep without disturbances. Go on home, Aaron. Come back and get her tomorrow. She’ll be thrilled to see her daddy.”

“Thank you, Sarah. And I want to apologize for staying away longer than I’d told you. I hope she wasn’t any trouble to you,” Aaron said politely.

“Not one single moment. She is an angel,” Sarah said.

“Okay then. I’ll see you tomorrow?” Aaron turned and carefully walked out of the room. Sarah followed and closed the door behind her.

As he made his way to the front door, Sarah stopped him. “Are you all right, Aaron? You seem distracted by something. Is everything okay at the camp?”

“Everything is good at camp. The bridge is coming along nicely. Still a lot of work to do, and probably a few months before it’s finished. I’m only home for a couple days before I have to return. I just really needed to see Gracie. I … I don’t want her to forget me,” he admitted.

Sarah took up Aaron’s hands and gave them a squeeze. “Aw, honey, she would never forget her daddy. I wouldn’t let that happen. I’ve got those pictures you gave me, and we look at them every day.”

Aaron smiled and felt a tear threaten. “Thank you, Sarah. You don’t know what that means to me. I’ll see you in the morning.”

“Good night.” She saw him out the door.

As Aaron walked home, he thought about how lucky he was to have Sarah. She watched over Gracie as though she were her own daughter. He liked to think Gracie got a little more attention than the other children she cared for, even if it wasn’t a fact. But that’s how Sarah made him feel.

“He’s missing out on so much,” Aaron said to himself as he thought about Daryl back at the camp. He didn’t have to be a father figure to Gracie, but just being there, being around a family situation could have done wonders for him. However, Daryl chose to stay within his miserable life. Aaron knew why. Daryl thought of it as his punishment, thought he wasn’t good enough for anyone or anything. He pushed Aaron away in order to remain in his misery. The sweet kiss they shared must have been a mistake, and Daryl knew it or he wouldn’t have acted out as he did. He saw himself as a bad person, someone unable to change, but Aaron knew it was only because of the atmosphere he wallowed in day after day. The Sanctuary, no matter how far they’d come, was still a depressing place, and still had its share of Negan followers. They would never change, and Daryl was only keeping them in line until they saw their moment to react. Sooner or later, it would all blow up. Maybe that’s what Daryl wanted. Maybe he wanted them to come after him. It would give him an excuse to kill again. Was this who Daryl had become?

“I thought I meant more to him than taking on a leadership role in a place that would eventually crumble,” Aaron said to himself. “And that whole thing about taking care of Judith out of respect was bullshit. I’ve heard the stories from people who were there to witness it. He cared for her. He still does. It’s me he doesn’t want to be around anymore. That’s what it’s come down to, and I just don’t understand why. But you know what? I’m tired of trying to figure it out. He’s made his decision, and I’ve made mine. I’ve got my home here in Alexandria, and Gracie. I’ve got my friends, and their love and support. That’s good enough for me.”

He hadn’t realized he was at his door, his mind was so far into his thoughts. Aaron stopped and looked up at the townhome. He breathed a sigh of relief. “This is where I start my new life. A good night’s sleep, and tomorrow I’m playing with my daughter all day,” he said with a smile. “This is the life I want.”

Aaron turned the doorknob and went inside. He dropped his pack in the entryway and climbed the stairs to the second floor to the living room. The layout of the townhome was something to be desired. The kitchen and dining area was on the first floor, living room and den on the second, and bedrooms on the third. Aaron had turned the den into a small bedroom, placing a full size bed in there for those times he didn’t feel like going all the way to the third floor. It wasn’t that big of a deal, but sometimes he felt safer if he was closer to the ground.

He wandered over to the couch and collapsed on it, laying his head back and closing his eyes. It would be nice to sleep in an actual bed tonight instead of a cot. And he didn’t have to get up before sunrise to begin his day, although he was anxious to bring Gracie home. He put his feet up on the oak coffee table, crossed his ankles and decided to take a nap before going back down to the kitchen to see if there was anything to eat.

There was a thump on the ceiling, coming from the floor above. Aaron opened his eyes and stared up, but he didn’t move a muscle. All was quiet for a moment. Maybe it was his imagination, or it was the building settling. He heard nothing and decided it was all in his head. Aaron closed his eyes, but as soon as he did, there was another thump. This time he jumped up from the couch and went to the mantle over the fireplace where he kept a hunting knife in a green vase. He took it out and quietly replaced the vase to the mantle. Then he walked over to the couch again, watching the stairs to determine whether he was going up or not. He saw a shadow move at the top of the stairs, and took a protective stance. Looking around the room, he decided it was best to hide behind the couch, and then jump out and surprise his invader. He listened to the soft footfalls of the person descending the stairs. Closer. Closer. Now!

Aaron jumped out from behind the couch, knife raised and ready to strike. It his surprise, he found Paul standing there, arms up in his own protective stance. He squint his eyes and peered into the darkness.

“Aaron? Is that you?”

“Christ, Paul. I didn’t think you’d be here. Scared the shit out of me. I thought someone broke in,” Aaron said with relief. He scanned Paul with his eyes, realizing the man was in nothing more than a white towel wrapped around his waist.

“What are you doing home? I thought you were still taking a shift at camp,” Paul said, coming the rest of the way into the living room.

“I, uh, I came home to see Gracie. I was missing her. Thought I could use the break. I figured you’d be back at Hilltop by now.”

“I probably should be, but I decided to stay a little longer,” Paul told him.

It was just like Paul to stay away from the place where he had the most responsibility. He liked the independence of being on his own, and not having anyone depending on him for anything.

Aaron realized he’s never see Paul in this state, so close to being naked. He found himself gawking and turned his eyes away. Paul must have noticed. “Oh, um, sorry about this. I took a shower upstairs, but I’ve been crashing down here in the den. I didn’t want to sleep in your bed without your permission.”

“Oh, no trouble at all. I said you could stay here.”

“Where’s Gracie?” Paul asked as he walked to the den.

“I stopped by Sarah’s place, but Gracie was already asleep. I decided to leave her there and get her in the morning.” Aaron heard the rustle of clothes and the clink of a belt being buckled.

“Got the place to yourself, and here I am disturbing your down time,” Paul called from the den.

“You’re fine,” Aaron called back, and got a glimpse of Paul with no shirt, zipping up his fly. “I mean you’re good. You know, you can stay. Of course, only if you want to. I’m okay with it … with you staying here … with me … uh, in my home,” he stammered nervously. What the hell was this all about?

Paul came out of the den dressed in khaki cargo pants and a black t-shirt that hugged his torso. His hair was damp and had a slight wave to it. It was darker than usual because it was wet, and the sun bleached streaks stood out. It looked like he had trimmed his beard too. And he smelled good, like soap.

“Thanks, Aaron. I really appreciate the accommodations. I promise I’ll be out of your hair tomorrow. I don’t want to interrupt your time with your daughter.” Paul took a seat on the couch. He watched Aaron and furrowed his brows. “Is there something the matter?”

“You’re not the first person to ask me that,” Aaron mumbled. “I didn’t come home just to see Gracie. I needed to get away from camp for a bit. Actually, I needed to get away from Daryl.” He knew he could always be honest with Paul.

“What? But I thought you two were–”

“I did too, but … I don’t know what happened. He just blew up, freaked out and … well, it’s official. We’re through. There’s nothing left to salvage. He doesn’t want anything to do with me or Gracie or family life. He’s one stubborn asshole who’s dug his hole and is satisfied to lay in it. He chose the Sanctuary and his misery over me and a life here in Alexandria. That’s what it all boils down to.”

“I’m so sorry, Aaron. I know you’ve waited a long time to try again. I thought he’d at least give it a chance.”

“So did I,” Aaron said somberly. “But the verdict is in, and I’m starting over. This time it’s me and Gracie, and the people of Alexandria, and I’m looking forward to being a part of making this place better than it’s ever been.”

“That’s the spirit. I’m always amazed by how you bounce back. Hey, how about a drink?” Paul offered.

“Do I even have anything to drink?” He hadn’t had a chance to see what all he had in the kitchen.

“You do now. I stopped by Tom’s place. He’s a much better brewer than Tony, although his stock is limited.”

“Really? Tom?” said Aaron, surprised. “I never took him for a man of the brew.”

“He’s not. Never touches the stuff, or so he told me. But he knows the chemistry of it. Says he’s always wanted to be an entrepreneur, but he never thought he’d see an opportunity. A lot of people like beer though, so now he’s making the stuff and trading it for things he needs.” Paul trotted downstairs to the kitchen. After a couple minutes, he came back with two bottles of beer. “I hate that the kitchen is on a separate floor. Who the hell designed these townhomes?”

Aaron took one of the offered beers and they sat down on the couch. “I don’t know, but they obviously never lived in a place like this or they’d have made it more functional.”

Paul raised his bottle to Aaron, and Aaron did the same before Paul gave a toast. “Here’s to a place to call home.”

“Here’s to starting over,” Aaron said. They clinked bottles and took a drink. Each man mentally critiqued the ale, and both came to a decision at the same time. Aaron went first. “This is actually pretty good.”

“I’ve had different home brews, but this is by far the best one yet. I think Tom’s onto something,” Paul said.

“What did it cost you?” Aaron asked.

“Two packs of cigarettes.”

“Wait. Tom doesn’t drink but he smokes?” Aaron said.

Paul took another swig and shook he head as he swallowed. “He doesn’t smoke either. He trades the smokes for hops from some guy at the Kingdom.”

Aaron sat back and put his feet up on the coffee table. “You see? It’s working. This whole trade system is teaching people how to get along. It’s gone from trading amongst the communities to trading with individuals. It’s an amazing thing to watch.”

“Yeah, pretty amazing,” Paul agreed.

Aaron felt Paul's eyes on him, but he didn’t return the look. Instead, he faced forward and enjoyed the beer. He liked having Paul around, but it was too soon for anything else to develop. However . . . “Hey, just so you know, you don’t have to leave tomorrow. You can stay here as long as you like.”

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be in the way or anything,” Paul said.

“You’re not in the way. And I know Gracie likes having you around.”

Paul laughed. “She likes my beard.”

“Yeah, she likes mine too. But it’s nice having someone around, you know, someone to talk to.”

“All right. Thanks, Aaron. I like it here too,” Paul said.

They spent the rest of the evening enjoying the beer and talking. Paul was a good listener, and Aaron got a lot of things off his chest. He was beginning to figure out that what happened between him and Daryl wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault, actually. It was just the way things were. Nothing happened overnight. Aaron waited a year, longer now, and there was still turmoil between them. Both men had changed, but they had moved in separate directions. They were so far apart, which was the worst part of it. Aaron’s heart ached to think of it. He still loved Daryl, and he hoped there was a little part of Daryl’s heart that remembered, but Aaron had new responsibilities. If Daryl didn’t want to share in his life, then Aaron couldn’t wait around any longer. It was a damn shame, and something Aaron still had to find his way past, but having Gracie and being home was just the medicine he needed.

>>------->

The next day, he went to Sarah’s and got Gracie. She was so happy to see him, and Aaron’s heart burst to know she remembered him. It was silly of him to think she’d forget, but he was still getting used to being her father and not just one of the people who took care of her. There was a definite bond between them, like that of father and daughter. It was amazing, and Aaron was mystified.

When he brought Gracie home, Paul was there. He approached them and she smiled. Aaron couldn’t help notice her reaction, or Paul's for that matter. Just like always, when Paul was close enough, she reached out with her little fingers and grabbed his beard. He pretended like it hurt, but in a silly way, and she laughed. Then Gracie grabbed Aaron’s beard. She looked back and forth, and pulled them together until she had their beard hair touching. Aaron and Paul locked eyes, both men laughing at the child’s obsession with facial hair. Then something changed in the way they looked at each other.

Aaron remembered their past conversation, when they had kissed and Aaron had turned him away. He thought there was still hope for him and Daryl to work something out. Now he was watching Paul under different circumstances, as an unattached man. Too soon, he said to himself. He still needed time to mourn and heal. It wouldn’t be fair to Paul to jump right into another relationship. Aaron still wasn’t sure if he wanted to take things to that kind of level with Paul. He was happy as they were as very good friends.

“Well, I got to get going,” Paul said to break up the moment, catching Aaron by surprise.

“Go? You’re leaving for Hilltop already?” He didn’t mean to sound desperate.

It seemed to please Paul, though. He smiled. “Not yet, but sooner or later I’ll need to get back home. Actually, I was going to make my rounds about town. I thought it would be a good time to let you two have some daddy/daughter time.”

“Dada,” Gracie sung. She smiled as she said it, like she recognized that word and wanted them to know that she knew it too. The only thing was, she looked at Paul when she said it.

Paul seemed befuddled, and he didn’t know how to respond. Aaron jumped in quickly. “No, sweetie, that’s Paul. Paul,” he repeated but slower so she could understand. “I’m your dada.”

Gracie pulled on Aaron’s beard. “Dada,” she said, then reached out with her other hand and pointed at Paul's beard. “Dada,” she repeated.

Aaron laughed. “I think she’s confused by the beards.”

“Or she thinks that all daddies have beards,” Paul added.

“We’ll work on it,” Aaron said. “So, will I see you later?”

“How about lunchtime? I’ll stop at the pantry and bring you some things to stock your kitchen,” Paul offered.

“That’d be great. Thanks a ton.” Aaron walked Paul to the door and saw him out. Paul's eyes settled on him once more before he left, just a quick piercing to let Aaron know he was still interested. Aaron felt himself blush after he closed the door. Too soon, he told himself again, and got started with his day.

>>------->

His first day home was a good day. Most of it was spent entertaining Gracie. Paul came back at lunchtime just as he had said. The kitchen was once again stocked with canned goods, fresh fruits and vegetables, and a loaf of bread that someone had made with the latest addition to Alexandria, a real brick oven.

The solar panels couldn’t be trusted anymore. They only worked some of the time, so electricity was sketchy. Parts were wearing out, and Eugene had been busy at the camp lately. He was their IT guy in the new world, solving technical issues and mechanical problems. He was turning out to be quite the inventor also, which was why they had a brick oven.

After lunch, Paul left again, and Aaron found different things to keep Gracie busy. She was a handful, always very curious about everything. That was a good thing, Aaron supposed. She seemed to have grown and gotten so much smarter since he was gone. Aaron was already dreading having to go back to the campsite and leave her again. He felt like he was missing out on so much.

Evening settled in by the time Paul came back. “Are you in for the night?” Aaron asked when he came into the living room.

“I believe so.” Paul stretched. “Mind if I take a shower?”

“Mi casa es su casa,” Aaron returned.

“You speak Spanish?” Paul seemed surprised.

“Only the common sayings that everyone knows,” Aaron smiled. “So don’t expect a conversation.”

“C’est bon,” Paul answered in French. “Je préférerais faire autre chose avec vous.”

His accent was spot on. Too bad Aaron didn’t know what he said. Instead, he just stared at him in amazement. “You speak French?”

“Oui, juste un peu.” Paul hesitated and then laughed. “I guess you don’t speak that either.”

“Wow, where’d you learn?” Aaron asked.

“One of my foster mom’s was a French teacher.”

“Well, you’re very good at it.”

“I’m good at a lot of things,” Paul said in return. There was a slight sultriness to his voice.

Aaron cocked a brow at him, but then he got shy and looked away. “I’ll throw something together for dinner while you shower,” he said to get Paul on his way. Before he disappeared up the stairs, Aaron called to him. “What did you say, by the way?”

“Maybe I’ll teach you French so you’ll know,” Paul teased before he went on his way.

Aaron sunk down into the couch and breathed deep, letting it out slowly. Paul was being a flirt, which was nothing new, but now it was a bit more suggestive. “Too soon,” he reminded himself. He’d just finalized things with Daryl. That was all fresh in his mind. He needed to spend some time for himself and Gracie. Then a flash of Paul in nothing but a towel wrapped around his waist entered his memory. “That’s just your inner caveman talking,” he told himself.

Aaron had put Gracie to bed a little while ago. The baby monitor next to him said she was awake, as he heard her shifting in her crib before she started making whimpering sounds. It was probably the change in scenery. She’d been at Sarah’s for the past several weeks, and she’d gotten used to it there. He headed upstairs before she really started to cry.

When he opened the door to her room, Gracie was sitting up in her crib, fresh tears just beginning to streak down her chubby cheeks. “Aw, what is it honey? Daddy’s here. No need to cry,” he said, picking her up and hugging her to him. The room was lit with the same lamp Sarah had. She had given it to him to put in Gracie’s room at home. Sarah mentioned that she liked the light in her room, and that she would sing to the child when she was restless.

“Well, I don’t know how good of a singer I am, but I’ll give it a shot.” Aaron remembered a song his mother used to sing to him when he was a little boy. It was one of only a few happy memories he had of his childhood, before his father became a drunk … before he came out to his mother. After that, the memories weren’t anything to mention.

The song was called Baby Mine. It was actually from the movie Dumbo. It was a sweet little lullaby, and something he’d never forgotten. He wasn’t sure why. It wasn’t like he’d ever given any thought to adopting a child to whom he could sing the song to. And when the world ended, he put aside all the good childhood memories like this song. But seeing Gracie in her crib, tears threatening, it was the first thing that popped into his head.

“Baby mine, don’t you cry. Baby mine, dry your eyes. Rest your head close to my heart. Never to part. Baby of mine,” he sang softly. He wasn’t much of a singer, but he did his best. Then he sang the second verse, and Gracie’s eyes began to flutter. It was actually working. She was going back to sleep. While he could, he put her back in her crib, covered her and stood back. She wasn’t completely out yet, so he continued. The next part, he remembered all the words before he started to sing them. “If he knew sweet little you, he’d end up loving you too.” Aaron changed the words from they to he, as his mind shifted to Daryl. How he wished they were standing there together, but it was nothing more than a fantasy. He finished up with the third verse, and by that time, Gracie was sound asleep. Aaron stood there a moment just to make sure before he left her to her dreams. When he turned, Paul was standing in the half opened door, watching with a smile on his face. Aaron raised his finger to his lips, hushing him before he thought to speak. Paul backed up so that Aaron could leave the room, and Aaron closed the door behind him. They walked to the stairs before either man spoke.

“I’m sorry. Did I wake her?” Paul asked with concern.

“No, you’re fine. I think it’s being in a different room. She’s used to Sarah’s place.”

“I didn’t mean to intrude, but I couldn’t help myself. I heard you singing and–”

“Ugh. I’m surprised you didn’t run right out the front door,” Aaron said with disgust.

“Oh, come on. You have a nice voice,” Paul encouraged.

They were back on the second floor, and Aaron picked up the baby monitor. “Flattery will … get you dinner,” he joked. “Come on. I promised to make you something.”

Down another set of stairs and they were at the kitchen. “You know, I really hate this layout. I wish the living room and kitchen were on the same floor. I miss my house,” Aaron admitted before realizing he’d said it. He didn’t like being a whiner.

“Why don’t you work something out and move back?” Paul asked.

“Too many memories. I’m trying to start over, remember?” Aaron complained. “Besides, that place is too big for just Gracie and me, and until she sleeps through the night, I don’t think I should have roommates.

“I’m your roommate and I don’t mind,” Paul said.

“That’s because you’re a different kind of person than most, and Gracie likes you,” Aaron offered as an answer.

“Different how?” Paul asked, trying to get Aaron to open up more.

“You’re more tolerant than most, especially for someone who’s single.” Aaron moved to the cabinet to look for something they could eat. They were in luck tonight. The power was still on, so he could heat something up on the stove.

“Who would complain about a one year old and her unattached father?”

“Thank you for pointing that out.” Aaron kept his head buried in the cabinet as he smiled to himself. He didn’t want Paul to see his amusement. Too soon, he reminded himself for the hundredth time. “How about stew? I’ve got a jar here.”

“That’s fine with me. I’m starving. Haven’t eaten since lunch.” He rubbed his stomach as he spoke.

“That’s a long time to go without eating. You know the pantry’s pretty well stocked, right? You could always drop in and grab a snack.”

“I know, but I get busy and my mind gets easily distracted. Before I know it, my stomach is yelling at me to take a break.”

Aaron laughed. “You’re always on the move. I don’t know how you do it.”

“I don’t know. Perhaps I can be persuaded to stop and relax every once in a while.” Paul's stare settled on Aaron. He could feel it from the other side of the kitchen. Aaron’s mind began calculating how long since he had any human touch, but he shut it down quickly.

“So, uh, we’re lucky to have the generators working tonight, or we might be eating cold lima beans,” Aaron said to change the subject.

He finished heating the stew, and they moved out to the dining room, sitting across from each other. Aaron’s ear was constantly tuned to the baby monitor in case Gracie woke up again, but she was quiet as a lamb. Only the soft breathing of her tiny snores could be heard.

“This is pretty good,” Aaron said.

“I believe it’s venison. I overheard someone at the pantry mention it,” Paul said as he slurped it down.

“It’s amazing how we’ve all adapted to the things we eat now,” Aaron mentioned. “There was a time when I wouldn’t touch deer. I tried it once as a kid and hated it, and not just because of the whole Bambie thing. I didn’t like the gamy flavor.”

“That doesn’t surprise me, coming from a guy who hates applesauce,” Paul teased.

“You remember that?”

“Yeah, you told me once. The only reason I brought you a jar was for Gracie. I take it she likes apples?”

Wow, Paul had thought of everything. “She loves the stuff. That’s how you can tell she’s adopted.”

“You know, I really admire what you’ve done … taking Gracie in and raising her as your own.”

“Well, there was a time when I thought I wouldn’t have to do it alone, but that wouldn’t have changed my mind.” Aaron didn’t mean to make a reference to Daryl, but . . .

“You’re very brave and devoted. I admire that about you. And you’re becoming one hell of a fighter.”

“Becoming? I thought I’d come a lot further than that,” Aaron jested. “Which, by the way, when are we going to pick up our practices again. I miss that.”

“How about tomorrow?”

“Sounds like a plan. Are you finished?” Aaron asked.

“Yeah. I’ve got it. Why don’t you go rest on the couch and I’ll clean the kitchen,” Paul offered.

“Oh no. You’re my guest. I don’t–”

“It’s the least I can do,” Paul interrupted. “And I really don’t mind.”

“Okay then. Thanks,” Aaron smiled. As he walked past Paul, he grasped his shoulder and squeezed. Paul reached up and put his hand over Aaron’s giving a return squeeze.

“I’ll be up in a few,” Paul said.

Aaron climbed the stairs to the living room area and collapsed on the couch. He could still feel Paul's hand on his, and remembered the kiss they shared at the fire station. Deny it all he could, he’d be lying if he said he didn’t want to take things to the next level. But this was just too much to comprehend at this point.

After a bit, Paul came up and joined him on the couch. Even though they had electricity, Aaron opted to light candles around the room. Yes it was a romantic gesture, but it was also saving power for someone else who might need it more. He was always thinking that way. They had to be more conservative with the power until Eugene could fix it.

Paul and Aaron entered into conversation, talking about events of the day, the week, things that happened in the past, stories of childhood memories, and anywhere it led them. Aaron had always noticed how easy it was to talk to Paul. There was really nothing off limits. All of Aaron’s questions were answered, usually with an interesting story to go along. Paul was a very good storyteller. He tucked that information away to use some other time with Gracie, when she was a little older and ready to hear stories.

An hour must have gone by before either man took a moment of silence. As the conversation passed, they had moved closer to each other, partly so they could speak in more hushed tones. Aaron thought of Gracie asleep, and feared their voices might travel if they spoke too loud. Paul, he thought, just wanted to sit closer, and that was fine. They were only talking, which was acceptable for Aaron right now.

“I wish we had some wine, or maybe more of that beer,” Paul commented after a few silent moments.

“That would be nice, but I don’t think I have anything to trade for. I don’t have cigarettes, and all the food I have came from the pantry where anyone can get the same stuff,” Aaron commented.

“I guess we don’t really need it though, do we?” Paul said.

“No, I guess not,” Aaron returned. He stretched his arms out in front of him and laid his hand on the couch between them, not thinking anything of it. Almost immediately, Paul cautiously moved his hand from his knee to cover Aaron’s hand. He touched him lightly, in case Aaron were to pull his away. But Aaron allowed it. The next thing he knew, Aaron was spreading his fingers, which allowed Paul's to slip in between.

They’d never done this before. The times they had kissed were ‘in the moment’ type of gestures, and Aaron had always stopped it from becoming something more. There wasn’t a reason for that anymore, except for the voice in the back of Aaron’s head that kept telling him it was too soon. The voice remained silent for the moment.

Paul's fingers tightened around Aaron’s, and he lifted their hands to his mouth, then lightly kissed the edge of Aaron’s hand before lowering them to his knee. At that point, Aaron slowly lifted his eyes to meet Paul's.

“Anyone ever tell you the color of your eyes is amazing?” Aaron said, regretting it instantly. “I sound like a lounge lizard.” He closed his eyes and shook his head in embarrassment. Then, he felt Paul's fingers lift his chin, making him open his eyes up again. Paul was smiling at him.

“I’ve been complimented many times, but I’ve always wanted to hear it from you,” Paul said seductively.

“You’re a real charmer, aren’t you?” Aaron said as he watched Paul lean towards him, eyes focused on his lips.

Paul kissed him softly, testing him to see if he would be refused. Aaron allowed it. Kissing was a step up from holding hands, but not out of the range for the rules he’d set for himself. Nothing beyond kissing for now.

The kiss deepened a bit with tongues teasing, tips lightly brushing together. He felt Paul's hand slip out of his and cup the side of his face. The facial hair was a little distracting, but it made them have to try harder. It wasn’t uncomfortable, though. Paul's hand moved to the back of Aaron’s neck, and he drew him in more as the kiss heated. Aaron answered every move Paul made, and after a few moments, Aaron was swept up in the feel of kissing someone new. It felt amazing to kiss Paul, and he was very good at it. Aaron found himself relaxing and letting it play out. For once, he wasn’t worried about the person across from him running off. There were no eggshells to tiptoe through. If Aaron allowed it, Paul would have him.

Paul had always been very patient and non-threatening. He had allowed Aaron to call the shots and move at his own pace. Of course, now Paul was moving them forward, always hesitating to see if Aaron would answer differently. So far he hadn’t. The voice in the back of his head tried to warn him, but he’d put it behind a soundproof wall for the moment. This was just feeling way too good, and it had been such a very long time.

Paul's hand left Aaron’s neck and slowly, seductively slipped over shoulder, chest, sternum and stomach. When a wisp of cool air brushed over Aaron’s chest, he realized that Paul had unbuttoned his shirt as he moved. This was fine. A little more flesh felt good. Paul's hand flattened on his chest and moved over the light covering of hair. His palm stopped over a pebbling nipple, pushed down and made small circles. A slight moan escaped Aaron’s lungs. He hadn’t meant to. It happened on its own, but it felt so good, and he felt Paul's lips curl into a smile as they continued to kiss.

Before he knew what was happening, Paul's hand slipped lower to Aaron’s belt and began fumbling around to undo it. Aaron should lean back further into the couch, slip down a little to make it easier, but the voice had managed to escape its hold. “Too soon,” it said. If he let this continue, they’d end up in Aaron’s bed. Was he really ready to commit to another relationship so soon after . . .

A fleeting thought of Daryl brought it all to a halt. Aaron reached down and gently grasped Paul's hand.

“Are you okay?” Paul asked. It was the first time he’d spoken in a while and it seemed loud to Aaron’s ears.

“I’m sorry. I just … I don’t know … Too soon,” Aaron said, the voice in his head finding its way past his lips.

“I understand, but … Aaron, it’s been a year. More than that now.”

“Not to me,” Aaron answered. “To me it’s been since yesterday.”

Paul said nothing. He sat there, looking into Aaron’s eyes, trying to understand what was going through his head. Even Aaron wasn’t sure about that. Finally, Paul broke contact, moved away, and gave a deep disappointing sigh. “All right. I won’t push you. I’ll just say this. What are you waiting for? Think about that.” Paul stood from the couch. Before he left, he cupped Aaron’s face again, and gave him an empathetic smile.

Aaron sat on the couch after Paul had gone into the spare room and closed the door. The candles were burning low, and he went around blowing them out. He picked up the monitor and made his way up stairs to his room. All was quiet in Gracie’s room. All was quiet throughout the entire townhome. He entered his bedroom and fell onto his bed, staring at the ceiling. What was he waiting for? What had he been waiting for this entire year? It was Daryl. It was always Daryl.

He took a trip down memory lane, thinking back to their first time at the cabin, seeing Daryl through the sickness, and sitting by his bedside as often as he could. He remembered the times Daryl had defended their relationship after they came out as a couple. Riding on the back of his bike as they made their way along the abandoned roads, just the two of them. Standing back to back fighting off the dead, and watching out for each other. He remembered the more tragic times, when they were captured by Negan. Daryl had mouthed the words, ‘I love you’ across the clearing, as both men thought it might be their last moments on earth. Things had changed when Daryl came back after his capture. That’s when it all went bad. Even then, Aaron held out hope for them. The damage had been done, but they were still together. And then the war came, and Daryl turned into a completely different creature. Aaron hadn’t realized it at the time, but he was watching Daryl sink and drown. Was there more he could have done? At the time, he thought he’d given it everything, but thinking back, maybe he hadn’t. And then Daryl was gone. A year passed by without word. All Aaron knew about him was what he heard from others. And what had Aaron done besides given him the space he’d asked for? Was it enough? Recently, he tried again to establish some kind of familiarity with Daryl, and at first it seemed to be working. This time, Daryl stomped out any rekindling flames. This time, Daryl made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with Aaron’s new life. So … what was he waiting for?

“I have to move on,” Aaron told himself. “It doesn’t mean I have to jump back into something serious. Baby steps,” he reminded himself again. “You like Paul, and you know he likes you. You need this.” He got up and went back to the living room, where he stood outside of the spare room, staring at the door. He raised his hand, making a fist as he got ready to knock, but something stopped him. He ended up placing the palm of his hand on the door, looking at the ground as he tried to find his confidence. Then, the door opened.

Both men stood face to face, neither one knowing what to say. Aaron closed the distance, and took Paul's hand in his. “You asked me what I was waiting for, and I’ve realized that there’s nothing stopping me. I … I want to give this a try. And it might start out kind of slow, so I hope you’re patient.”

“You’re not the only one who’s been waiting a year,” Paul replied, pulling Aaron to him. They kissed again, but this time without reservations. It continued for a few more moments before Aaron broke away. He took Paul's hand again and turned to leave, pulling Paul with him. “Where are we going?”

“Upstairs,” Aaron answered without turning.

“I thought you wanted to take it slow?” Paul was staying cautious just in case Aaron changed his mind.

“When I said slow I didn’t mean stagnant. Besides, I left the baby monitor in my room.” Aaron led the way up the stairs and into his room. Then they stood face to face again. “Everything is new this time. I’m living in a new house. I’m a father now. I’ve learned some really sick moves from this gorgeous guy.” Aaron’s arms came up and wrapped around Paul's neck.

Paul smiled. “Gorgeous? Should I be jealous?”

“Actually, I think you’d like him. He’s the sweetest man I’ve met, very polite, very patient, one hell of a fighter, and hair to die for,” Aaron jested. “And I can’t wait to get to know him a little more intimately,” he added before they kissed again.

They continued where they left off on the couch, and soon they were both shirtless. That’s when Aaron became a little hesitant. “Okay, this is where the part about taking things slow comes in.”

“It’s all right. I think I know what you mean by that. Actually, I’d like to ease into this with you too. I think that makes it more meaningful. So, do you trust me when I say I’ll take it slow like you asked?”

“Yeah,” Aaron said, falling under Paul's spell.

“Good,” Paul said, and started kissing and nipping his way down Aaron’s body, eventually getting on his knees. Aaron felt his belt unbuckle, the button come undone, and the zipper sliding down. He felt Paul's fingers move, releasing Aaron’s painfully hard cock, and Paul's warm breath as he prepared to take him in.

He was going through with this. He was really allowing it to happen, Aaron thought to himself. The first step towards his new life, and he was taking it with Paul. He hoped he wasn’t making a mistake. They’d been friends, best friends as a matter of fact. This could affect that if something happened.

Heat enveloped him, lips sliding along his length. Aaron threw his head back and gave in to the feel of Paul's mouth around him. It felt incredible. He dared to look down, and watched Paul taking him in gently, cautiously, caringly. God, it had been so damn long.

He moved in a way that Aaron knew he wouldn’t last, with just enough pressure as he glided up and down his shaft. “Fuck, that’s good,” Aaron whispered. Paul's hands grasped his ass and squeezed, pulling him in, taking him deeper into wet heat, then releasing him to the cool air. Paul repeated the movements, his rhythm increasing a little more each time. The pressure increased a bit more with the rhythm and Aaron felt himself building. He moaned, unable to keep silent any longer. He felt his balls tighten, and his ass clench. He moaned louder, and took Paul's head in his hands, fingers twinning through long soft hair. His breath sped up. Stars formed behind his closed eyes. Building, building until he couldn’t hold off any longer. A white light, an explosion of his inner core, hips thrusting forward, and Aaron spilled. Paul stayed where he was and took it all, slowing his movements until he finally released Aaron to the coolness of the room.

Aaron’s legs were shaking, but he didn’t move from his spot. When he opened his eyes, Paul was looking at him, a satisfied smile on his plump lips. Then he kissed Aaron, allowing him to taste himself. When they came away, Paul led him to the bed and they sat on the edge.

“That … that was great,” Aaron smiled.

“Yes, it was,” Paul agreed.

Aaron kissed him again. “My turn.”

Paul's hand came up and rested on Aaron’s chest. “Not this time. Tonight was just for you.” Paul stood and pulled the covers down. He cocked his head to the side. “Come on. Let’s get some sleep.”

Both men stripped to their boxers and climbed in under the covers. Paul spooned up behind Aaron, draped an arm over Aaron’s middle and snuggled in for the night.

“Thank you,” Aaron whispered. Paul kissed him behind his shoulder. They drifted off to sleep.

>>------->

When they woke up, Gracie was stirring in her crib. Aaron was attuned to any small movements or noises. He noticed that it was still dark outside, and figured it was the early hours of the morning. She wasn’t crying, but he stayed cautious just in case. Looking over to his side, he saw Paul still fast asleep. Deciding it was better for him not to wake, Aaron got up and went to check on Gracie. He put on a robe and went down the hall to her room, peeked inside and saw that she was rubbing her eyes. He wouldn’t go to her unless she started to cry. It seemed that she was just changing position and she was going to go back to sleep. Aaron closed the door softly and left.

He was going back to his room, but had the sudden urge to go downstairs. He needed a moment to process what had happened earlier. After descending the stairs, Aaron took a seat on the couch. He wasn’t disappointed in what happened. He wasn’t regretful and there were no feelings of guilt. He just felt … different. It was the end of an era and the beginning of a new chapter for him. His life had flipped completely, even if the outside world was still fucked up. Amazingly, it was possible to lead a somewhat normal life. Not only had he never imagined being able to get back to civilization, but he accomplished things he’d never dreamed of. What saddened him was that he wasn’t achieving these things with Daryl.

Aaron needed to forget about him, or at least stop bringing him back into his daily thoughts. For Christ’s sake, he’d just embarked on a new journey with another man, a friend, and someone he was willing to call his partner. Paul was amazing, and so caring. He had moved the evening forward perfectly, exactly what Aaron had in mind for pursuing a new relationship, and here he was still thinking about Daryl. That boat had sailed, as they say. So why couldn’t Aaron allow himself be completely swept away?

“Is everything all right?” Paul said in a groggy voice from the bottom of the stairs. “I got up to use the bathroom and saw you weren’t there. Is it Gracie?”

“No, she’s fast asleep. I was just … I was tossing and turning, couldn’t sleep, and I didn’t want to wake you so I came down here.”

Paul came over and joined him on the couch. “Is this about earlier? Are you having second thoughts?”

“No, no it’s not that at all. That was great. It was more than great. You … you’re wonderful and I … I–”

“You’re not ready for this,” Paul said for him.

“I am ready. I want to be ready. I like you … a lot.”

“I like you too,” Paul said. “A lot. I don’t want to screw this up. I really want to see where this goes, but only if you’re one hundred percent sure. It just feels like you’re going to dash off, when what I want is for you to stay and be comfortable with me.”

Aaron knew that feeling. Daryl had put him through that when they first got together. He’d been like a frightened animal ready to run at any moment. It created a lot of tension until he finally tamed. The last thing Aaron wanted to do was put Paul through the same treatment. But was he ready to dive in? Should he wait a little longer and allow himself time to grieve for the loss of Daryl? It was all so confusing.

“You know what I think?” Paul said. “I think you’ve pushed yourself before you were ready.”

“No, Paul, it’s not–”

“Hear me out. You should take a little more time. We don’t need to move this fast. I’m here for you no matter what. If you need to talk or get out your frustrations. If you need to hit something,” Paul laughed as he said it. “You’ve got me. I’m not going anywhere. And when you’re ready to give this a try again, I’ll be there. I want to be with you, Aaron, but I want you to be with me too. Genuinely.”

“You are an amazing man, Paul Monroe,” Aaron said with a smile in his eyes.

“Well, you know,” Paul answered shyly.

They both stood from the couch. Aaron leaned forward and kiss him, showing him that he wasn’t completely out of the loop. “Can we still sleep together? I mean, in the same bed.”

“If that’s what you want. Sure.”

“I … I really hate sleeping alone, and you’re very comfortable to snuggle up to,” Aaron admitted with a sheepish grin. Then they went back to Aaron’s room and settled in for the rest of the night.

The next morning, Paul and Aaron got up and dressed, made breakfast, took turns taking care of Gracie, and even shared a few more kisses before Paul had to head out. He was meeting with Michonne before she made the trip back to the camp. There were a few things she needed Paul to relay to Maggie when he eventually went back to Hilltop.

“I better get going so I can catch Michonne before she leaves,” Paul said as he went to the front door.

“I think I’m going to take Gracie to the lake this morning. It’s a beautiful day. Be a shame to waste it sitting inside all day,” Aaron said.

“Cool. Maybe I’ll meet you there afterwards.”

“I’d like that.” Aaron was holding Gracie, and she reached out for Paul's beard. “I think Gracie would like that too.”

Paul took her hand and pretended to chomp on it, making her giggle. “Well then, I don’t want to disappoint Princess Gracie.”

“Come on. I’ll walk you to the door.” Aaron led the way, and they stepped outside onto the front stoop. “I’ll see you a little later?”

“Most definitely,” Paul answered with a smile. He leaned toward Aaron and they kissed, like a couple heading out to work and saying goodbye. Then Paul patted the top of Gracie’s head before he made his way down the steps to the sidewalk. He turned and waved to Aaron and Gracie. Aaron waved back and smiled. He watched Paul walk down the street and head for Michonne’s house.

“Wow. Just wow,” Aaron said to Gracie. “That is one incredible man.” He turned to go back inside. “I’ve got to get it together,” he said to Gracie, “or I’m going to miss my opportunity at happiness.”

>>------->

Daryl arrived in Alexandria not too long ago. Between Carol’s insistencies that he take a break, and Rick’s plan to have him check up on things, Daryl gave in and agreed to let Carol temporarily take over for him at the Sanctuary. She had scolded him for the way he treated Aaron. Carol had dragged it out of him, as she usually did when she was trying to find out what was wrong with him.

“Why do you have to be such an asshole?” she complained. “Can’t you see he’s worried about you too? I mean, really. With all the history you two have, why can’t you work things out?”

“Maybe I don’t want to work things out,” he countered.

“If that’s not a lie.” Carol rolled her eyes at him. “Here’s what you’re going to do. You’re going to let me take over for a little while, and march your ass back to Alexandria, apologize to Aaron, and try to be friends again.”

“You want to take over for me? What about Z and your title as queen at the Kingdom?” he said with disdain.

“Don’t patronize me. And you know we don’t have that kind of relationship. Ezekiel will understand that I have to help out other communities from time to time. You’re just scared to let Aaron in again.” She called him out, and she was right.

“Things have changed. I’ve changed. Aaron’s a father now. He’s not gonna want someone like me around his little girl. Bad things follow me, and I don’t want to bring him down,” Daryl admitted. “I’m a sinking man. I had no choice but to shove him away.”

“What you don’t realize is that you have to fight to swim your way back to the surface. There’s a whole bunch of us there waiting for you to emerge from those dark waters, and I know Aaron is one of them. So go on. Do as I said. Take a break, find Aaron, and see what you can salvage.”

If there was anyone who could talk sense into him it was Carol. He had taken her advice, and here he was back in Alexandria. Aaron had mentioned living in one of the townhomes, so he made his way there. He knew Rick and Michonne lived in one, and figured Aaron lived in the home next to theirs. He also knew that Negan was jailed in the basement of one of the unfinished townhomes at the opposite end of the row. Knowing how close he was to the man who destroyed his life was difficult to deal with. How easy it would be to slip in there and kill the man. This was why he didn’t want to come back to Alexandria. It was a temptation that he had to overrule.

The townhomes were in sight, and Daryl approached with his eye on the one he was sure was Aaron’s new home. That’s when he saw a door open. Daryl wasn’t ready to meet with Aaron just yet. He still needed to find his voice and practice what he would say. He moved from the road, and ducked behind some hedges where he could still see Aaron’s front door. He must be taking the kid out to play, Daryl thought to himself. His heart raced at the thought of seeing Aaron again. He was also nervous. Aaron might not want anything to do with him again. Daryl might have destroyed his last chance to make amends.

He looked out from behind his hiding spot and was surprised to see Jesus emerge. Aaron followed him, holding Gracie in his arms. Probably just had some business to discuss, Daryl thought to himself. Once Jesus was gone, Daryl would go up and knock on the door. But … wait … what was going on? They were talking and smiling. Jesus’ hand came up and rubbed Aaron’s arm, and not in a simple friendly way. It was more intimate in gesture. Fucking guy had always been pining over his man. But Aaron wasn’t his man anymore. So did that mean . . .

Daryl’s heart dropped to the pit of his stomach as he watched Aaron and Jesus kiss. It was a deep kiss, a long kiss, and one that suggested they had grown much closer than friends. They separated and gazed at one another. Daryl knew that look on Aaron’s face because it used to be saved just for him. Now, Jesus was the recipient.

“Fuck,” Daryl complained in a whisper. “Dammit all.” He shook his head with disappointment. That last argument had been the nail in the coffin. Aaron moved on. New home, new title, new man. Why did it have to be Jesus, the one guy he’d always been jealous of? “Who else would it be?” he said. “Asshole has been eyeing him ever since Rick and me brought him to Alexandria.” Of course, Daryl tried not to remind himself about the deal he struck up with Jesus. That if anything happened to him, Jesus should look after Aaron, make sure he was happy. And, shit fuck they look pretty damn happy kissing. The next thought that occurred to him was, had they slept together. The way they had gazed at each other suggested that something intimate happened.

Anger built up in his chest as he watched Aaron watching Jesus walk away. “Fuck this shit. I never should have fucking listened to Carol. I knew I was better off where I was.” He waited until Jesus was out of sight and Aaron went back inside, then he left the way he came. There was nothing for him here, and no reason to speak with anyone. His blood was boiling, and he hated himself for it. He’d given Jesus permission, after all. It was Daryl’s own damn fault that he found them together.

“I don’t need this shit in my life. I’m better off alone. Always was. Always will be.” He said this many times over as he made his way far from Alexandria, back to the camp. But there was one place he needed to go first, and luckily it was on his way to the campsite.
- 61
- 62
- 63
You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.You need to be logged in to leave a review for this story.
Report Story

Safe Haven in the Chaos