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Safe Haven in the Chaos	By : IdrilsSecret Category: S through Z > The Walking Dead Views: 6517 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the walking dead or any of the characters. No money is being made from the writing of these stories

Chapter List
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Chapter 66 Out of Tragedy Comes Hope

Aaron woke up in a hospital bed with Paul sitting in a chair next to him, asleep and looking very uncomfortable with his head cocked to the side. He didn’t want to wake him yet. He needed a moment to gain his bearings.

He was in the infirmary at the Hilltop Colony. Aaron thought hard to remember how he got here, but his mind was fuzzy. He knew why he was here. The accident at the camp, he had been trapped by fallen logs, his arm stripped of skin, muscle and broken bone exposed. Daryl saved him from a herd that invaded the camp. He took Aaron to the medical tent where Enid made the decision to . . .

Aaron looked down at his left arm, finding it wrapped in thick bandages. It was gone from just below the elbow. God, he’d lost his arm. Poor Enid had been the one who took it off. He wondered how she was. It must have been a very difficult decision during such a hectic and tragic turn of events. Thank God Daryl was there with him. Surprisingly, he had been a light in the darkness, even after all the anger and arguing.

The thought of Daryl loosened another memory during his emergency. As Aaron lay bleeding, while Enid got her tools ready to perform the amputation, Daryl sat with him trying to keep him calm, and spoke at a whisper so that only Aaron could hear him. To keep Aaron’s mind off of the present situation, he recalled the good times they’d had together before everything turned for the worst, before Negan and the Saviors were known to them. Daryl talked about the first time they met, finding the cabin, all the times they escaped there to spend a few private moments alone. He recalled when they finally moved in together in Alexandria, how good things were then. He briefly touched on the challenges they endured, and how they had made it through together. Then he reassured Aaron that he would make it through this too. Enid came to this side then, a bone saw in her hand, and a terrified look on her face.

Daryl placed something in Aaron’s mouth, something to bite down on, and panic swept over him like the shadow of a dark cloud tracing across a field. Every instinct told him to beg and plead for this not to happen, but he couldn’t speak with the leather strap in his mouth. He started to hyperventilate as Enid lowered the saw to his arm. Daryl held him down, and for a brief moment, Aaron looked up into his face and saw the man he used to know before all the bad happened. Tears threatened his eyes, sweat beaded on his brow. The look of concern and fear was very real. He was afraid for Aaron. Daryl glanced down and saw Aaron looking at him. Their eyes connected for the first time in over a year, and that’s when Aaron saw it. Daryl still cared.

The next moment, pain ripped through Aaron’s entire body as the blade started cutting through skin, muscle, bone and nerve endings. A white hot pain set his brain alight with warning signals. It was too much for him to bear. He was sure he was about to die. And then he felt his body go rigid as every nerve sparked pain. Darkness took him next, but just before he gave in to it, he felt Daryl’s face next to his, and heard him whimper into his ear. “I still love you, too.” After that, Aaron blacked out.

He looked around the infirmary, saw the saline bag hanging above his head, and a tray with two different bottles and hypodermic needles to distribute the medicine. There was a stack of bandages and a couple rolls of gauze on a table, and extra blankets with a pillow on top. He suspected that had been for Paul, but the man refused to be comfortable as long as he wasn’t sure about Aaron’s state.

Paul, he thought. They had recently started something between them. Aaron was ready to make a new life with him, but at a slow pace as he got used to transitioning from friends to lovers. They made love for the first time just a week before. And now, here he was, maimed, unsure how to get along in a world that showed no mercy for the weak. That’s what he was now, weak.

“You’re awake,” Paul said when he looked over at the bed. He immediately got up and leaned over Aaron, petting his head. “How are you feeling?”

“Exactly how you think someone would feel who has just lost their arm. I feel like shit,” Aaron said with an angry edge to his tone.

“Are you in pain? Siddiq said you can have more medicine if you need it,” Paul said with concern, ignoring Aaron’s outburst.

“As long as I don’t move or think about what happened to me, I’m all right.” Aaron was raging below the surface. “What the fuck am I supposed to do now? I can’t fight. I can’t help out. I can’t even hold my little girl anymore.”

“Right now, all you have to focus on is not getting an infection. Siddiq did an excellent job of sewing you up. Enid made sure he had something to work with. She feels terrible, by the way. She’s second guessing herself, but I heard about the condition of your arm, and I’m sure there was no way to save it,” Paul said.

“I guess I’m the talk of the town now. Oh, hey, did you hear about Aaron’s arm? Yeah, I can hear them and how they probably pity me.” Aaron knew he was being ridiculous, but he didn’t care. He was angry at the men responsible for this. He was angry at himself for trying to help those men. He was beyond angry at Daryl for saying those things to him now that he was starting over with someone else. Why the fuck couldn’t he have said that a year ago? “I’m surprised everyone’s not here to check on the handicap guy,” he went on, and realized how quiet it was. “Where is everyone anyway?”

Paul took Aaron’s hand in his, a solemn look washing over his countenance. “Something’s happened.”

Aaron studied his face and his body language. Whatever it was, it was serious. “Paul?” he asked, dropping the angry state he was in. He squeezed Paul's hand.

“Shortly after your accident, after Enid took care of you, word came about a bigger herd heading toward the camp. The walkers that invaded was only a small trickling broke off from the larger. Everyone took off to do their part to redirect it, keep it away from the camp and the bridge. Daryl went off with Rick. Eugene and Rosita went to set off some explosives. Everyone helped out. And then, I’m not really sure of the whole story, but Daryl and Rick split up. Daryl came back without Rick … thought he’d come back to camp by then. They started to get worried. Daryl said Rick was leading the herd on his own. They were going to set out to find him when they saw him on the bridge, the herd following behind. He led them there on purpose, used some of the dynamite left behind at the worksite, waited until the herd was almost upon him, and . . .” Paul stopped, unable to finish the sentence.

“And what?” Aaron wanted to know.

“He shot the dynamite and … blew up the bridge with him on it,” Paul said quietly. “He’s gone.”

Aaron couldn’t process what Paul was telling him. He shook his head in denial. “That’s not possible. I just saw Rick at the medical tent. He was checking on me. Are they sure?”

“When they saw him, he was hardly walking, blood covering him. He’d been badly wounded, maybe even bitten. No one knows for sure. Michonne found his horse. Rick’s blood was soaked into its hair, running from its back, all the way down its legs. He had lost a lot of blood. I think he knew he was dying, and that helped him make his decision.”

Aaron thought about it, and shook his head in denial. “He wouldn’t. He had a family … Judith, Michonne … Alexandria, all of us. It was too important to him.”

“It was,” Paul agreed. “And I believe that’s why he made the decision to sacrifice himself so that the rest of us still had a chance.” Paul stopped to cup the side of Aaron’s face. “He gave his life to save all the others. That’s something I know Rick would have done.”

Aaron tried to sit up, but he was weak and it was painful. Paul steadied him with a hand to his back, as he reached for some pillows to help position him better. While Paul was doing that, Aaron looked, really looked at his missing arm, and let the despair take him. Rick was the strongest, smartest and most determined amongst all of the communities. If this could happen to him, then what hope did Aaron have at ever living a normal life?

There was another question he needed answered, but he thought Paul wasn’t the right person to ask. Still, he needed to know, for it weighed heavily on his mind after learning about Rick’s demise. “Where’s Daryl?” he said softly. “You said he was with Rick, but they got separated. Did he make it? Is he . . .?”

“He’s alive,” Paul said, but there was something different in his tone, as though he was uncomfortable talking about it. Aaron figured it was because of his and Daryl’s history. Embarking on a new relationship was difficult enough without having to answer questions about your boyfriend’s ex.

“Where is he? Is he here at Hilltop?” Aaron’s voice held more enthusiasm than he’d meant to display, but this was important.

“He’s not here,” Paul answered, and Aaron felt Paul's hand leave his shoulder where it had been resting.

“Is he still at the camp?” Aaron asked.

“The camp’s been abandoned. The without the bridge, there’s no reason for anyone to be there. All the Saviors left, and Carol went back to the Kingdom. Maggie is here, and Michonne is in Alexandria. Everyone went home. The project is done, and the bridge won’t be built any time soon. I don’t think anyone has the heart right now,” Paul explained. He started to move away. “Do you want some water?”

Aaron grabbed his arm. “What aren’t you telling me? What’s happened?”

Paul hung his head and sighed deep. There was no getting around the subject, and Aaron wasn’t going to drop it any time soon. “Daryl’s …. gone.”

“Gone? What do you mean, gone?”

“Daryl was there. He saw Rick go down, and afterwards he just walked off. No one’s seen him. He left probably to deal with his grief in his own way.”

Aaron filled with dread. “I have to find him,” he said, and he forced himself to sit up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed. He winced and cried out with pain.

“You’re not going anywhere,” Paul insisted. “You just went through something traumatic. Your body’s not ready yet.” He put his hand on Aaron’s chest to stop him.

“You don’t understand,” Aaron said. “Rick was Daryl’s best friend. They’ve been there for each other since almost the beginning. There was a bond there that–” Paul was looking at him like none of this mattered, so Aaron changed his tone. “I know Daryl. I know how he grieves. He needs someone to talk to or he might do something stupid.”

“If he needed someone to talk to he wouldn’t have left,” Paul argued, his voice tinged with annoyance. “You’re in no condition to do anything right now.”

Aaron glared at Paul. “Do you really want to have our first argument right now? Because I’ll be honest, you won’t win.”

“And are you willing to risk further injury to run after him? Where was he for you for the past year?” Paul countered.

Aaron set his eyes on Paul in dangerous slits. This was neither the time nor the place for jealousy to rear its ugly head. “He was there for me when it mattered. He saved my fucking life out there, and risked his own in the process. I owe it to him to see that he’s all right, and no one knows Daryl better than I do.”

Realizing he had overstepped his bounds, Paul backed down. “How are you going to find him? He could be anywhere by now.”

“There’s one place I know he’ll be, and I know how to get there,” Aaron said with determination.

“Fine, but you’re not going by yourself. I’ll take you,” Paul said.

Aaron shook his head. “Having you there will just make matters worse. He knows about us. He won’t–”

“I don’t give a shit. I’m not letting you go alone. Not in your condition. You’re weak. You’ve lost an arm. How are you going to defend yourself if you come across walkers? I’m going and that’s that.” Paul looked away and shook his head in irritation. “Siddiq will be pissed.”

“Which reminds me. Grab whatever painkillers they’re giving me, and get me some clothes. We need to go now,” Aaron demanded.

>>------->

After arguing with Siddiq, and going against his professional advice, Aaron and Paul were finally on their way. They took one of Hilltop’s homemade wagons, a chopped up car pulled by two work horses. Paul made sure they had plenty of supplies, but he insisted they weren’t going to be gone long. He was taking Aaron to find Daryl, let them have their say in the matter, and get Aaron right back to Hilltop before it got late. It had been the only way to get Siddiq to calm down about his patient’s decision to risk further injury.

“What is this place we’re looking for?” Paul asked after being on the road for an hour.

Aaron hadn’t said anything about where they were going. This had been Aaron and Daryl’s secret for a long time, and it had probably been just as long since they were there. He had mentioned it to Paul once, but not in detail. “Remember that cabin I told you about, where Daryl and I used to go to be alone from time to time?”

“Your safe haven, you called it,” Paul mentioned. “And you remember where it is?”

“I know exactly where it is, though the terrain has changed a lot since I was here last.” Aaron kept a sharp eye on the trees at the side of the road, and hoped he could still find the place.

“How can you be sure this is where he went?” Paul asked.

“I just know,” Aaron said softly. “So listen, when we get there–”

“I’ll stay outside,” Paul interrupted, already guessing what Aaron was going to say. “I know you need to be alone with him. I won’t argue about that. I just want you to be careful and take it easy. You’re already starting to look kind of pale. You need more rest.”

“I’ll be fine,” Aaron said. And then he saw something familiar. “Stop!” He pointed to the tree line. “It’s that way, but we can’t get the wagon through there. It’s too overgrown.” When he and Daryl used to come here, they could drive the car into the woods a little way before they stopped and walked the remaining distance.

Paul pulled off to the side of the road. He hopped out and released the horses from the wagon. “We’ll ride in.”

“You’ll have to help me onto the horse,” Aaron said. He sounded a bit sad and helpless, and Paul noted another thing he would have to help Aaron relearn to do when he was ready.

Paul got Aaron onto one of the horses, and then he hopped up behind him. The other horse followed along, as they made their way through the forest. They didn’t talk, but they kept a wary eye on their surroundings until Aaron finally pointed in the direction they needed to go. After a short while, they came upon an old rustic cabin.

“We’re here,” Aaron said, and his heart sped at the sight of the place. “Wow, it’s seen better days.”

“You mean it hasn’t always looked like this?” Paul said.

“Looks can be deceiving. Inside was like a five star resort. Of course, I don’t know what it looks like now. Time has taken its toll, I’m sure. Last time we were here, it had its share of problems. Daryl tried to fix it up, and he made a few repairs, but without someone here every day, well, you know how that goes.”

“Eventually, nature will reclaim everything.” Paul looked around the area. It was very secluded. “Now I see why you came here. It’s not an easy place to find.” He took Aaron’s hand in his. “Are you sure he’s in there?”

“I’d bet my right arm,” Aaron said. Paul looked shocked. “Too soon?”

Paul kissed his cheek. “I’ll wait around out here. Take your time, but remember, I want to have you back before dark.”

Aaron smiled and left toward the cabin. Paul watched him slip inside, and kept his distance from the place, making sure the horses were secure and that there wasn’t any threat.

Inside the cabin was dark and it smelled musty. “Daryl?” Aaron called out. There wasn’t a sound inside. He hoped Daryl was here. He called out a few more times, but he went unanswered. He checked the bedrooms, the kitchen, the mudroom, and he even looked out the back door, but he didn’t find Daryl.

The cabin looked as though it had been ransacked. There was broken furniture, bookshelves toppled over, shattered knickknacks, and debris from the outside strewn about. It was a shame, really. This had been a beautiful place at one time. It felt as though the cabin deteriorated just as Aaron and Daryl’s relationship had. That thought hurt Aaron’s heart.

Aaron opened the door that led down to the wine cellar and called Daryl’s name, but he was met with only silence. Daryl wasn’t here. At least, he wasn’t inside the house. There was one last place to look, and Aaron went to the back door, noticing that the glass was broken. It was unlocked, too. He walked out onto the back deck and down the walkway that led to the lake and the dock. To the right was the boathouse. That was the only place left to look.

He tried the door, but found it locked. Then, he heard movement inside. “Daryl? Are you in there?”

It was quiet for a few moments before he received an answer. “What are you doing here?” Daryl replied, his voice sounding hoarse.

“I came to check on you.”

“You shouldn’t be here. You’re hurt.”

“I had to come.” Aaron paused before continuing. “Can I come in?”

“No,” Daryl answered quickly.

“All right. Would you come out here then?”

“Go home, Aaron.”

“Not until I’m sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine. I just needed to get away from everyone.”

“That’s not good enough.” Aaron wasn’t going anywhere.

Aaron was easily the most stubborn person Daryl had ever known. “You’re going to make yourself sick, or get an infection. You shouldn’t be out here.”

“I’m on antibiotics and painkillers. I’ve got time so I’m just going to sit out here and wait.”

Daryl came to the door and looked through the frosted glass panel. He could see the blurred shape of Aaron sitting on the ground outside. He hung his head and sighed with surrender. Then he sat on the floor of the boathouse one the opposite side of the door.

Aaron could hear him inside. He let the silence fall between them before he spoke again. “I’m sorry for what happened to Rick. We’ve all suffered a great loss. I wish I could have been there when it happened. Maybe I could have done something.”

“Ain’t nothing no one could have done. Not even me, and I was with him right before all that.”

“Everyone is worried about you,” Aaron said, and he heard Daryl huff with discord. “It’s true. Carol especially.”

“You talked to Carol?” Daryl questioned.

“No, but someone mentioned it. I’ve been out of it for the past few days. Siddiq says my body needed time to heal. I woke up a few days later, and found out about Rick and the camp being abandoned. Everyone left and went back home. The Saviors went God knows where. I’ve been at Hilltop all this time.”

More silence. Aaron waited.

“Why’d you come here?” Daryl finally asked.

“I knew you’d be devastated, and … well, truth is, no one knows you like I do. I wanted to make sure you’re all right, and that you’ll come home soon, wherever you consider home to be now.”

“I have to find him and bring him home. I need to see for myself that he’s really gone. And if he’s one of them, I have to be the one.”

“All right, I understand that. But why don’t you let someone help you?” Aaron asked. If he could just get Daryl to agree not to be alone out here, he’d feel a lot better about it.

“I don’t want anyone finding me. I don’t want to be around anyone.”

“If that’s true then why did you come here? You knew this would be the first place I’d look.”

Daryl grunted, knowing Aaron was right. He didn’t speak again for a minute or two.

“Does this remind you of anything?” Aaron asked, a smile on his lips. “When you came down with that life threatening virus, and you locked yourself in there to make sure me and Caleb didn’t get sick. We sat like this for the longest time just talking.”

“That was ages ago,” Daryl replied.

“They were good times, even with the challenges we endured.”

“It’s all in the past now. We’ve both moved on.”

Aaron nodded to himself. “Yeah, I guess we have, but . . .” He thought of what Daryl confessed when Aaron was hurt at the camp. “You know what I was about to tell you … when I was trapped beneath that log.”

“Aaron,” Daryl said to stop him.

“And I heard what you said just before I lost consciousness.”

“Stop.”

“I want you to know that–”

“Please stop,” Daryl said again.

“I need to say this, Daryl. I need you to know th–”

Suddenly, the door flew open. Aaron jumped up and turned to find Daryl standing before him. His heart was pounding wildly as their eyes connected. He imagined Daryl taking him into his arms and making everything right again, but that wasn’t what happened.

“You need to leave,” Daryl demanded.

“No, not until you–”

Daryl got right into his face. “You come up in here talking like everything’s all right between us after all this time, but the truth is, it’s over. It’s been over, and nothing’s going to come from this.”

“Something’s already come from this,” Aaron said, pounding on his chest where his heart beat.

“I’m no good for you. I’m no good for anyone, especially now. I’ll just drag you and anyone else around me down into the depths.”

“That’s not true, Daryl.”

“I’m a drowning man, and where I’m going is dark and cold, emotionless. You can’t follow me down here. I won’t let you. That’s why I pushed you away. That’s why I agreed to run the Sanctuary, and why I disappeared from your life this past year. You’re better off without me, because I ain’t the same man that you used to know. And now … Rick … I can’t, Aaron. I can’t afford to let you drown beside me. That would kill me, and I’m already dead inside. I’m not coming back with you or with anyone. And I don’t want anyone coming after me. So go back home. Take care of yourself and your little girl, and just forget about me.”

“If this is true, if this is how you really feel, then why did you tell me you still love me,” Aaron said with desperation.

“It was a mistake,” Daryl confessed with no remorse.

“I don’t believe you,” Aaron said, his voice beginning to crack.

“Get the fuck out of here!” Daryl yelled. “Just go the hell away and leave me the fuck alone!”

“Please don’t do this,” Aaron begged. Tears threatened his eyes.

“Go now before I do something to you. I don’t want to hit an injured man, but I’ll fucking lay you out if you don’t–”

“Daryl!” Paul yelled from further up the walkway.

Daryl and Aaron both turned and saw him standing there, fists clenched, and ready to defend.

Aaron faced Daryl once more. “Please, Daryl. Come back with–”

“Aaron, I need to get you back,” Paul called.

“Better listen to your boyfriend,” Daryl said, but there was no malice in his tone.

“This is what you really want?” Aaron asked once more.

“It is,” Daryl said.

“Okay,” Aaron nodded. “I’ll go.” He turned away and started back to the cabin.

“Don’t come looking for me anymore, you or anyone else. I won’t come back here again,” Daryl warned. Aaron kept walking.

>>------->

They were more than half way home before Paul or Aaron spoke to one another. Aaron didn’t feel like talking, and Paul knew better than to ask. But glancing to his side, Paul saw Aaron wince with every bump in the road. “You need another pain pill,” Paul said. “You haven’t taken anything since we left. They’re in that bag at your feet.”

Aaron shook his head. “I can wait. I just want to get back and lay down, go to sleep and forget about everything.”

“Is he going to be all right?” Paul asked about Daryl. That was the reason for their trip out here.

“I don’t know and I don’t care,” Aaron said with gloom. He felt Paul's eyes on him, knew he didn’t believe his heartless words, and corrected himself. “He’ll probably be fine. Anyway, it’s not my business anymore. He made that pretty clear.” Aaron glanced at Paul. “I’m sorry I dragged you out here.”

“It’s something you needed to do, and I wasn’t going to let you do it alone. But, you took a risk coming out here. You’re not looking so good. I’m worried.”

“I’ll be fine once I get some rest.” Even as he said it, Aaron seemed to sway in his seat.

“I wish you’d take something for the pain,” Paul tried again.

“I … I don’t n-need it,” Aaron stuttered. He suddenly felt very weak.

“Aaron? Aaron!” Paul cried.

The wagon came to a halt. Paul shook his shoulder, and then everything went to black.

>>------->

For the second time, Aaron woke up in the Hilltop infirmary on the same bed, with Paul sitting in the same chair next to him. This time, Siddiq was standing over him, doing something to his missing arm, and it hurt tremendously.

“Christ! What the hell, Doc?” Aaron complained.

“Are you always this cranky when you wake up?” Siddiq joked.

Aaron looked down and saw that the bandages had been removed from his arm. For the first time, he was looking at what was left of his arm. He started to move it, but Siddiq warned against it. “I need to see it,” Aaron said.

The injured end was yellowed from the iodine Siddiq put on it. The skin looked like it had been carefully folded over and sewn up. It was the oddest thing he’d seen, just a stump moving about, nothing from the elbow down. If he concentrated, he could feel his hand making a fist. He’d heard about ghost limbs, and it turned out it was true. However, looking at it made him feel weak and useless. This world took no pity on the vulnerable. He turned his eyes away in disgust. “Wrap it up,” he told Siddiq.

“You’re lucky Jesus got you home when he did. You were running a pretty high fever. Your arm looks good though. No infection. But you can’t go running around anymore. Not for a while, at least, or you will get yourself in trouble. You’re not out of the woods yet. You need to give your body time to heal, Aaron.”

Aaron nodded. “I know. I know. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Good. Get some rest. I’ll check on you in a little while.” Siddiq gave Aaron a stern look, and patted Paul on the shoulder before he left the room.

Aaron kept his vision focused on the ceiling, but he could feel Paul watching him. “Sorry,” he said.

“You gave me a scare when you passed out in the wagon. I should have known better than to agree to let you leave,” Paul berated himself.

“It’s not your fault. Don’t take the blame. I’m the asshole this time. I’m the stupid dumbass who thought I was the only one who . . .” Aaron stopped himself from saying anything more about his conversation with Daryl.

“Look, I get it, Aaron. You still care about him. He suffered a great loss. We all did. And yeah, you know him better than anyone. But people change. This world changes them, and sometimes there’s nothing you can do or say to bring them back.”

“I get that now,” Aaron said quietly. “I’m done. I’ve got my own life to live, and I know I can’t keep running back to him. It’s not right, and it’s not fair to you.” Aaron turned his head in the pillow so he could see Paul sitting next to him. “I’m surprised you haven’t bounced by now.”

Paul smiled. “I’m not going anywhere. Not as long as you’ll have me around.”

Aaron’s eyelids became heavy. Must have been something Siddiq gave him. He closed them and went to sleep, giving in to rest and blocking out all the bad.

When he woke up, Paul was dozing in the chair next to him. Aaron was stiff and uncomfortable from laying down. He tried to move, but it hurt and he was weak. He made a strangled noise that woke Paul up. “Oh, hey. You’re awake.”

“How long was I out?” Aaron asked, voice groggy with exhaustion.

“Couple hours I guess. You want to sit up?” Paul stood and went to him.

“Yeah.”

Paul helped him, raised the bed, and shoved some extra pillows behind him.

When Aaron was settled he smiled at Paul. “I’m glad you’re here.”

“I’m glad I’m here too,” Paul said returning a smile. He covered Aaron’s hand with his own.

The door opened, and both men looked up to see who it was. To their surprise, Alex came in. “Am I interrupting anything?”

Paul's hand pulled sharply, as though he was going to yank it away, but then he steadied it and left it where it was. A knee jerk reaction, Aaron figured.

Alex came the rest of the way in, and Aaron noticed how Paul avoided eye contact with him. “Siddiq asked me to come check on you, and to see if Paul needed anything.” Alex looked at their joined hands on the bed, and turned his attention away. “But it looks like everything’s good here.”

Aaron had run-ins with Alex in the past. He’d always been jealous of Aaron and his friendship with Paul. He had accused them of running around together, too. That wasn’t true at the time, but now, as Aaron felt Alex’s gaze on them, he was sure Alex was going to make a scene. Paul had assured him that it was over between him and Alex, and it had been for quite some time.

“Alex,” Paul pleaded, hoping to stop anything that was about to start.

Alex threw his hands up in surrender. “I’m just here to see how the patient is doing. If you don’t need anything, then I’ll just slip on out of here and go tell Siddiq you’re awake.” He walked back to the door, opened it, and then turned back. “I always knew the two of you would end up together.”

Paul stood, stern face ready to defend himself and Aaron to his ex-lover. “This is neither the time nor the place,” he warned. “But if you want to start something–”

“Relax, lover boy.” Alex rolled his eyes. “Look, I’m not upset, and it surprises me too.”

Paul gave him a skeptical eye. There had to be more. There always was when Alex was involved.

Alex dropped his jealous twink routine and spoke with the most honesty Paul had ever heard pass his lips. “Last time we talked, when you told me it was over, you said I should move on, maybe even give Wes a second chance. Well, I took your advice and . . .” He paused and smiled with genuine giddiness. “Things have gotten a lot more serious for me and Wes, and I’m … I’m happy.”

Paul seemed shocked, and looked from Aaron back to Alex. “So, you mean you and Wes . . .?”

Alex nodded quickly, eyes lit up with joy and smiling wide. “We’re in love, and it’s the best thing that’s happened for either of us in a very long time.”

“You’re serious?” Paul asked to make sure.

Alex nodded and turned to address Aaron. “I just want to say that I’m glad you’re okay. And Paul, I’m glad you found what you were looking for. You were right. I didn’t know until I found it myself. What we had … it wouldn’t have worked. What I have with Wes, that’s right. And for what it’s worth, I am happy for you two. I mean that most sincerely.” He smiled awkwardly, and reached for the door handle again. “I’ll tell Siddiq you’re awake.” He nodded sheepishly, and left the room before anyone could say anything.

Both Aaron and Paul were taken aback by Alex’s behavior. “Did that just happen, or am I having some kind of fever dream?” Aaron asked in a joking manner.

“Yeah, I’m not sure what just happened here either,” Paul huffed in awe. “But I’m glad for it,” Paul admitted.

“I guess you’re right. People do change, but not always for the worse,” Aaron stated. He put his hand out to Paul, who took it and smiled.

>>------->

It had been a month since Aaron’s accident. Siddiq and Enid worked with him every day doing therapy. It was important that he adjust to his new handicap, and for the most part, he cooperated. Sarah brought Gracie to Hilltop while Aaron recovered. He needed his daughter with him, and she missed her dad. But when he held her, he could feel the depression sneaking up on him. He couldn’t wrap his arms around her, or toss her into the air like he used to. There were so many things he would have to relearn. Just taking care of Gracie would be a challenge. He never thought twice about changing a diaper or putting her in a cute outfit. Tying shoes, opening jars, riding a horse, killing walkers, they all seemed like impossible tasks that he never had to think about before. It seemed like every little thing was a challenge, and it was taking its toll on him. Right now, there was always someone there helping him, but he longed for the days when these accomplishments came naturally, like blinking or swallowing. Now he had to think about everything, plan it out, and make sure there was someone around to help him.

Paul was with him a significant amount of time, but Aaron was beginning to despise his need to assist him all the time. He didn’t want to feel this way. He knew Paul only meant to help, but Aaron had always stood on his own. He didn’t like having to depend on someone all the time.

Today, Paul was going through his therapy routine with him, pushing him beyond his limits to help strengthen the muscles in his shoulder and upper arm. Aaron had enough and lashed out at him.

“This is bullshit!” Aaron yelled, and Paul stopped what he was doing.

“It’s important to build up your core strength,” Paul tried to reason.

“What’s it matter if I don’t have a fucking hand to hold a weapon in?” Aaron shot back.

“So are you just going to lock yourself away in the house and never go out again? You still need to know how to defend yourself in the world.”

“I’ve seen what happens to people like me. They don’t make it out there. I’m barely making it in here,” Aaron complained. “I’m done for today. And I don’t need you babying me anymore. Just let me figure things out on my own.”

“You know, you can be a real prick sometimes,” Paul said.

“You can’t fucking talk to me like that.” Aaron stood from the chair he was in, and put on a denim jacket that he’d found. It was too big for him, but it helped to hide his handicap. He wasn’t sure why he did this. Everyone in Hilltop knew he was missing an arm. But hiding it made it seem easier for them to forget and treat him like a normal man.

“I’m just calling it as I see it.” Paul walked away, and was about to leave Aaron’s room. Since coming to Hilltop, Aaron had taken up residence inside the great house while Paul stayed in his trailer.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron said before Paul left.

Paul stopped and turned back to him. “I know it’s been difficult, but it feels like you’re taking all your anger and resentment out on me. I just want to help.”

Aaron walked to Paul, closing the distance between them. “I know, and I’m grateful. I don’t always show it, but I am. You don’t know what this is like. Not really.” He sighed and looked at the ground.

“No, but I’m with you every day, and I see what you’re going through. I feel like I’m a part of this too. I want to be. That’s what you don’t get.” Paul took Aaron’s chin in his fingers, lifting his head. “I’ve been giving a lot of thought about starting up our training again, and when you’re ready, I’ve got a surprise for you.”

“A surprise?” Aaron looked confused.

“I was going to wait. It’s not ready yet, but … I think you need this now rather than later. Come with me.” Paul took Aaron’s hand and led him from the room. They went downstairs and out into the yard. Paul led him to Earl’s blacksmith shop.

Aaron wondered what this was about, and had a memory of Daryl telling him about his brother, who had lost his hand, and the strange contraption he had made that he affixed to the end of his arm. He worried that Paul had Earl make something similar, and he would look like some kind of sideshow freak with a chainsaw and other interchangeable parts attached to his arm.

“Hey Earl,” Paul greeted.

“Hi Jesus. Hi Aaron. Looking good today. What can I do you fellows for?” Earl said. He put down a mallet he’d been using to pound out a blade for a sword he was making.

“Do you have that thing I brought to you?” Paul asked.

“Oh, uh, I haven’t even started on it yet. You said there was no rush.”

“No, there isn’t. I just wanted to show Aaron the blueprints.”

Earl leaned in and whispered in Paul's ear. “I thought it was a surprise.”

“Yeah, it still will be, but I didn’t want to keep the project a secret anymore.”

Earl went to a metal cabinet and opened the doors. He pulled out several pieces of paper and spread them on his workbench. Then he stood back. Paul pulled Aaron over and let him look at the carefully drawn sketches of arms, legs, hands, all kinds of appendages. Paul took one particular drawing and put it before Aaron.

“What’s this?” he asked, picking up the drawing of the lower half of an arm and hand.

“This is Eugene’s latest project. He said he got the idea one day as he was walking around the camp at the bridge. He noticed quite a few people missing limbs, who were struggling to do their part and help. They could have stayed home, and sat out on helping, but they were at the camp with everyone else doing their part. Eugene thought he could help them so it would be easier for them to integrate back into society. He’s drawn up lots of plans for missing fingers, hands, legs and arms, but yours is the first one being made. He asked me to bring the drawings to Earl and see if he could help out, and Earl took him up on the offer.”

Aaron was in awe as he looked over the detailed drawing. It looked like an arm with a hand, and a strap for attaching it to his elbow. “It’s amazing.”

“I’m going to make it out of steel but it won’t be heavy. It will be strong enough that you won’t have to worry about it breaking or bending. It will attach right above your elbow, and I’ll made sure it’s padded well so it won’t irritate your scars,” Earl said. He seemed excited to start on it.

“And you’re making all of these?” Aaron asked, pointing to the other drawings on the table.

“Every last one. People don’t just need to feel useful. They need to be useful, and that’s what Eugene has done here. He’s a strange fellow, but he’s smart. Alexandria is lucky to have him.”

Paul thanked Earl and led Aaron from the shop. They decided to take a walk around the grounds for some exercise. Paul linked his arm around Aaron’s and they strolled side by side. “What do you think?”

“I think I’ve got something to look forward to. Thank you for this,” Aaron smiled at him.

“It wasn’t me. I just delivered the prints. Eugene is the brains and Earl is the engineer,” Paul said shyly.

Aaron stopped and pulled Paul to him. “I’m sorry I’ve been such a dick lately. This whole thing has been really difficult to deal with.”

“I know. I’m a patient man, and I only want what’s best for you.” Paul smiled and clasped Aaron’s shoulder. “So, by the time the prosthetic is ready, you’ll be ready to get back out there. And when you are, we are going to start training again. I’ve given this a lot of thought, and I have some new tricks to show you, ones developed just for you. This new arm can be a part of your defense against walkers. In a way it’s an advantage.”

“I hope I can fight again,” Aaron said quietly. He still wasn’t convinced he was going to be able to participate as much as he used to.

“You’re a fighter, Aaron. And you’re a damn good one. Don’t let this set back stop you. You’re going to be amazing,” Paul encouraged. They started walking again. There was a new spring in Aaron’s step.

>>------->

Time passed at the Hilltop, and a few months later, Gracie was turning two on a day that Aaron had picked to be her birthday. He wasn’t exactly sure of the date, but it was summer, and that had been Eric’s favorite time of year. It had been a nice notion to make her birthday during the same season, as a small tribute to a man who had always been there for him in the beginning days.

It had also been a long time since Aaron had been home to Alexandria. His wound was healing nicely, and he was just starting to use his new arm. Use was not exactly the word he was looking for. It mostly hung at his side and made him look more balanced and normal. He couldn’t do anything with it, and felt helpless a lot of the time. Sarah was showing him how to help dress Gracie, and bathe her, and do other simple things he took for granted when he was still whole. It was difficult because the small child was afraid of his metal arm at first. That had been disheartening, knowing that he was scaring her. Paul came up with some games for them to play that would introduce her to the new arm, and it was starting to help. One day she would understand, and that’s what Aaron held on to.

Aaron had been thinking a lot lately about going back to Alexandria. He could continue his therapy there. He knew what he had to do. And it would be good to get Gracie back to the place she was most familiar with. Not to mention Sarah, and how she would be glad to get back too. Aaron couldn’t thank her enough for the sacrifice she made, coming to Hilltop while he recovered. His main concern was Paul. Before the accident, he had asked Aaron to move in together. Since then, Paul had gotten more involved with the council. His involvement was important to the Hilltop community. Aaron knew he’d give it up in a second if Aaron asked him to come back to Alexandria with him. However, he wasn’t sure he wanted that, and not just because of Hilltop.

Aaron liked Paul … a lot, and they were comfortable together. Paul would bend over backwards to make Aaron happy, even after putting up with him on his bad days when no one was safe from his tantrums. Paul always understood and never got mad at him. That was a unique quality, one Aaron had never seen from any man in his life. That included Daryl.

Unfortunately, Aaron and Paul hadn’t been intimate since the accident, and it was nearly six months now. They had tried once, but it didn’t work out well. Aaron was too self-conscious about his arm. The way he used to make love, the things he liked to do was easier with two arms. He hated the way his body looked with half an arm, and he imagined what Paul was seeing. It disgusted him, and he turned Paul's advances down multiple times because of that. The one time they tried, Paul suggested he leave the prosthetic on, and ended up hitting Paul in the head, which caused a bump to form on his temple. That was the new image burned into his brain. After that he quit trying. They weren’t completely celibate. Twice, Aaron allowed Paul to give him a blowjob, and Aaron had returned the favor, but only as long as it was dark in the room. He hated looking at his injury. It spoiled the mood every time. And through it all, Paul was still by his side. That was about to change if Aaron went back to Alexandria. He had already decided he didn’t want Paul to follow him back. Of course, he hadn’t told him this yet. He wasn’t sure how.

But Aaron’s anomaly wasn’t the only thing holding him back from fully committing to a relationship with Paul. Daryl still sneaked into his mind from time to time. He couldn’t get their last conversation out of his head. It had been heated and awful. Aaron had no idea where Daryl was or whether he was all right. He took Rick’s death really hard, harder than anyone except for Michonne. Aaron had heard that Daryl had contact with Michonne a couple times, but he didn’t know why. Tara came to the Hilltop once, and she told Aaron that Daryl and Michonne would still go out on occasion and look for Rick at the bridge. They never found his body, and this made them skeptical. Without someone to bury, it left loose ends and an unending need for any kind of closure. But that was Daryl’s problem. Aaron had been cast out of his life, and he felt like he wasn’t allowed to intervene anymore. It still didn’t stop him from wondering every once in a while. For the most part, he tried not to dwell on it, and he had plenty of other things to keep him occupied.

The day came when Aaron made up his mind to talk to Paul about going home. It wasn’t going to be an easy conversation. He couldn’t stay at Hilltop any longer, and he didn’t want to lose Paul from his life either.

The weather was humid, so much so that you could cut it with a knife. Paul was heading out to a lake nearby, and asked Aaron if he wanted to go with him. It was a good day for a swim, but Aaron hadn’t been in anything more than a shower for months. He asked Siddiq for his opinion and was given the go ahead, as long as he was careful. They decided to share a horse and rode for the lake.

The water was beautiful, glistening in the sun. There was a slight breeze that would feel good on wet skin. And the scattered white clouds produced passing shade once in a while. The area was clear of walkers as far as they could tell, but the horse would tip them off if any lurked nearby. Paul assured Aaron that he’d been to this lake numerous times and it was usually clear of threat.

Paul shucked off his shirt and pants, shoes and socks, and wore only his underwear. Aaron realized this would be the first time he’d be stripped to almost nothing without it being in a darkened bedroom. But the thought of wading into the cool water on this terribly hot day was worth the embarrassment.

“You really going in?” Paul asked, eyes squinted against the sun.

“Yeah, I’m really going to do it,” Aaron said, but he undressed slowly. “You can go on in if you want. I’ll be there in a minute.” The plan was to undress and slip into the water, and hide his arm beneath the water so Paul wouldn’t see it.

“I’m all right to wait for you,” Paul smiled. Aaron looked nervous, but Paul came to him. “You have nothing to be ashamed of.”

Aaron stared at the ground. “I know. It’s just … I don’t want you to see it. It’s ugly and … I’m afraid every time you see me you’ll only see … that.”

“That doesn’t define you, and it doesn’t change who you are. To me you’re still Aaron … funny, caring, strong, handsome, and sometimes a little quirky. I still see the man I met years ago, who was kind to me when everyone else was suspicious, who became my friend … my lover. That’s what I see when I look at you.” Paul took hold of Aaron’s shirt and pulled him close. Their lips touched, and they kissed beneath the hot summer sun. And for the first time in months, Aaron felt at ease with himself.

Paul pulled away first. “Now, hurry up and join me in the lake.” He turned and went into the water, diving under, bursting from the surface, and shaking his wet mane.

Aaron undressed to his underwear, took off his prosthetic, and hurried into the water. Paul splashed him, and Aaron splashed back. At first, he tried to keep his arm hidden beneath the water, but as he relaxed, he stopped paying attention, and started having fun. Paul simply laughed along with him, and paid no special attention to him other than the kind shared between lovers.

>>------->

Later that evening, Aaron tucked Gracie into bed, and made sure Sarah had everything she needed. She agreed to stay in Aaron’s room in the house, and watched Gracie for the night. Then Aaron headed outside, across the yard, and knocked on the door to Paul's trailer. Paul opened the door, and was surprised to see Aaron.

“Hey. What’s up? Everything okay?” Paul asked.

Aaron gave him a genuine smile. “Yeah, fine. I just stopped by to see if you felt like having some company.”

“Absolutely. Come on in.” Paul held the door open for Aaron.

As Aaron squeezed past him, he deliberately rubbed against Paul, taking his time as he did. He stood in the center of the trailer, and waited for Paul.

“I’m afraid I don’t have anything to eat or drink,” Paul mentioned.

“That’s okay. I don’t need any of that.”

“What do you need?” Paul asked seductively.

Aaron turned to face him, desire pulsing through his veins, making him swell. “I need you,” Aaron confessed.

Paul closed the distance, his hands lifting and resting on Aaron’s hips. “I need you too,” Paul said.

Their lips came together, sliding over each other, parting to accept eager tongues. The kiss deepened, teeth clashing, hands roaming, bodies pressing together with great need for something neither man had experienced in months.

Aaron wished he could surround Paul with both arms, and hold him in a tight embrace, but he tried not to let those kinds of thoughts get in his way. He concentrated on just being with Paul, and letting his desire carry him away so he could forget about his difficulties.

Paul's hand worked on Aaron’s belt, and loosening his pants to get to what he wanted. When Paul released him to the cool air of the trailer, Aaron sucked a sharp breath through his clenched teeth. Paul's hand was warm and greedy in its strokes. Aaron wouldn’t last if he kept this up.

“Wait. Wait,” Aaron said, taking hold of Paul's wrist and slowing his ministrations.

Paul's mouth covered his in a sensual kiss meant to distract. “I want you, Aaron. I’ve wanted this for so long.”

“We don’t have to rush.”

“Don’t you have to get back?” Paul wondered.

“I’ve got a babysitter. We have all night.”

Paul leaned back to look into Aaron’s eyes. “You scoundrel. Why didn’t you say anything earlier?”

“I wanted to surprise you. I thought about what you said earlier today, and you’re absolutely right. This doesn’t define me. It makes me unique.”

“And it’s done nothing to lessen your libido. Come here,” Paul said, grabbing the bottom hem of Aaron’s shirt. He lifted it to expose Aaron’s chest, and licked his way to his pebbling nipple.

Aaron copied Paul's movements with the shirt, and lifted to gesture for Paul to remove his. Paul abandoned Aaron a moment to get shirtless, and Aaron’s hand roamed over Paul's lightly hair covered chest. He trailed a finger between his pecks, down his rippling stomach, until he reached the top of the line of dark hair that disappeared beneath his waistband. Aaron licked his lips and lifted his eyes to meet Paul's.

Paul started to lift Aaron’s shirt again, but Aaron stopped him. “Hold on. I have to take this off first,” he gestured to the prosthetic.

“You’re comfortable with this?” Paul asked. Aaron nodded. “Want me to kill the lights?” Paul inquired. Aaron shook his head slowly back and forth. Paul smiled. “Okay.”

“You can help me out of this, though,” Aaron suggested.

Paul carefully took the metal prosthetic in his hand and examined it. There were three buckles that held it to Aaron’s upper arm. He carefully undid each one and slipped it off. The end of Aaron’s arm was wrapped in bandages, padding for the inside of the fake arm. Paul left it alone, and reached for Aaron’s shirt, slipping it up over his head and dropping it on a nearby chair. They came together again, bodies crushing against one another, flesh upon flesh. It wasn’t enough.

Aaron fumbled with Paul's pants, unbuttoning and unzipping them. He pushed inside and took Paul in his hand, as Paul had done to him earlier. “God, you’re hard,” Aaron commented.

“I’m hard for you,” Paul said, sliding Aaron’s pants down until he could easily step out of them. Then, Paul took his own off, and kicked them to the side.

They came together again, now completely naked, cocks sliding together, mouths hot upon each other, and hands roaming over warm flesh. Paul walked Aaron backwards to his bed, and carefully lowered him so he was sitting on the edge. Paul got on his knees, pushed Aaron’s legs apart, and lowered his head to take Aaron into his mouth. The heat was intense as Paul swallowed him from tip to hilt. His fingers pushed into Paul's magnificent mane, grabbing a fist full, and anchoring himself as Paul licked and sucked. The light grazing of teeth almost had Aaron spending too soon. He stopped him before they went any further.

“Ahh, wait. Wait,” Aaron panted.

“I’m sorry,” Paul said, backing away. “I’m moving too fast for you again.”

“I want us to take our time. And besides, I’m not fully undressed yet. There’s one more thing I need you to do.” Aaron glanced to the bandages.

Paul's eyes followed his line of sight. “You want me to take them off?”

Aaron nodded. “I need to do this. For me. For us.”

“Okay. Sure. Whatever you want,” Paul smiled and started to carefully unwrap the bandage from the end of Aaron’s arm. He rolled the bandage up as he removed it from the arm, and set the roll neatly on the nightstand.

Aaron slid back on the bed and laid down, vulnerable to Paul now, without anything to hide his body. Paul climbed onto him, straddling his thighs so he had access to Aaron’s cock. He took it in his hand and stroked him a few times. Then Paul's hands moved up Aaron’s torso to his shoulders. Paul's soft lips laid gentle kisses along Aaron’s shoulder and down the arm, to the elbow. He paused and lifted his eyes to Aaron’s face.

“May I?” Paul asked politely.

“Y-yeah,” Aaron said sheepishly, almost embarrassed for what Paul was about to do.

Paul lifted the arm and looked at the end. It was very well healed, the scar still new and pink. Paul kissed him there, where no one had been allowed to take even a glimpse. Aaron felt a little awkward and slightly ashamed. Why would Paul want to kiss such a thing?

“You’re not disgusted by it?” Aaron asked timidly.

Paul shook his head back and forth. “It’s a part of you. It represents your struggles, your determination, your victory. I think it’s beautiful, just like you.”

Aaron inched a finger at Paul. “Come here,” he said, and Paul leaned down so they could kiss feverishly once more. Their cocks pressed together between their bodies, pulsating with need. “I want to make love to you all night,” Aaron whispered.

Paul prepared them with lube from his nightstand drawer. Then, with Aaron still laying on his back, Paul lowered himself onto Aaron’s stiff cock. They both cried out a loud moan with the sudden feeling of coming together. Paul set a rhythm, and Aaron pushed his hips up to meet every downward thrust. It was the first time they actually made love since the accident, and it felt magnificent. Paul rode him to oblivion, and they came together, another first for them. Paul collapsed onto Aaron’s chest, and they laid that way as Aaron soften within Paul's body. Eventually, Paul got up and retrieved a towel, cleaning up where he had spent himself across Aaron’s chest. They laid together in the small bed, face to face, stroking hair and skin, getting reacquainted after so many months. Their relationship was slow to start, and there were still many obstacles to get over, one of them being their living arrangements.

Aaron needed to speak with Paul about that. He was nervous to start that conversation, and he didn’t want to ruin the evening they were having. Right now it was enough just to be together, and push past his fears and awkwardness about his handicap. This was a start, and it hadn’t been as bad as he thought it might be. Paul saw past Aaron’s hang ups. He wasn’t bothered in the least about it. Knowing this gave Aaron added confidence. He could move on from this too. Life went on. People still depended on him. He would just have to make a greater effort now, and that was something Aaron knew he could do. He’d done it all his life as a gay man. Now he would do it as an amputee. And with Paul by his side, he felt like he could accomplish anything set before him.

“What’s that look for?” Paul asked, as Aaron’s face lit up with joy.

“I’m glad I have you in my life. That’s all,” Aaron smiled at him. “So, when do you think we can start training again?”

“Really?” Paul said, excited by the opportunity. “Because I’ve given it a lot of thought, and I know of some really cool moves for you to learn.”

“Yes. I really want to start fighting again. I want to get out there and go on runs or recruit, or whatever needs to be done. I’m ready for this because of you. You never gave up on me, even when I felt like I was giving up on myself.”

“We’ll talk to Siddiq tomorrow, and see what he says. And then we’ll get started accordingly.” Paul kissed him. “My man is back.”

Aaron kissed him and moved to devour his neck. “I’m back in more ways than one,” he whispered into Paul's ear. He felt Paul reached down between them and moan deliciously as he hand took up Aaron’s hardened cock.

“Oh yes you are. Come here,” Paul said, rolling over and taking Aaron with him. “Make love to me again,” he pleaded.

Aaron didn’t say a word as Paul wrapped his legs around Aaron’s waist. Aaron plunged in, adjusted his weight onto his good arm, and the elbow of his other, and found his comfort zone as he plowed into Paul repeatedly, making him cry out in pleasure with every thrust.

The night felt like it lasted a lifetime. Paul and Aaron exhausted each other many times over, until they had nothing left to give, and fell asleep in each other’s grasp. Aaron went to sleep feeling like they had finally started something worth continuing. He didn’t have to shadow his emotions anymore. Paul was special to him, and he wanted to be in his life. Maybe something would work out for them. Maybe an opportunity would happen that would make it easier to move forward and see where this relationship could take them. The future was a blank page waiting to be filled, and Aaron was ready to start writing their story.
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Safe Haven in the Chaos