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Safe Haven in the Chaos	By : IdrilsSecret Category: S through Z > The Walking Dead Views: 6520 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own the walking dead or any of the characters. No money is being made from the writing of these stories

Chapter List
- 66
- 67
- 68
Chapter 68 Secrets

It had been three years (five years since the Saviors war) since Michonne closed Alexandria off from the rest of the world, and since Paul left to go back to Hilltop. They couldn’t imagine the separation would last this long, but it had, and there seemed to be no end in sight. Even the people of Alexandria seemed to change. They were more suspicious and distrusting than they used to be. There had been no contact between the communities outside of monthly letters. Aaron and Paul made sure they were among the messengers so that they had the opportunity to meet, but they didn’t stick to the borders drawn up by Michonne. Aaron was going miles further than he was supposed to go, and meeting Paul at their usual rendezvous point. It had been disappointing at first, and it put stress on their relationship, but after three years and no change, they had gotten used to it.

When they met, they always shared the latest news from their communities, news that hadn’t made it in the monthly correspondence. They smuggled goods to each other, things that were specific to their homes. Aaron brought pictures of Gracie every once in a while; not as often as he would have liked because film was a precious commodity. He’d found a Polaroid camera during one of his outings, and kept it to himself.

Paul was still training Aaron in fighting, and he’d gotten much stronger and faster over the years. Aaron learned how to use his metal arm in self-defense too. More than once, a walker had chomped down on metal instead of flesh, giving Aaron the chance to take it down easily. Recently, Paul was teaching him stealth, but there was a lot to learn. Paul had always been the silent stealthy one, and sometimes Aaron felt like a clumsy oaf.

“You’ll get the hang of it. Just keep practicing,” Paul encouraged after their session. They had taken a break, sitting on a fallen tree where they always met.

“Yeah, I keep telling myself that.” Aaron sounded disappointed.

“I’ve got something for you,” Paul said to cheer him up. He took out a bracelet from his pocket. It was made from braided twine and very small seashells. “Actually, this one is for Gracie.” He removed another bracelet, this one made from black leather laces and black seashells.

Aaron admired the one for Gracie with a smile, noticing how it could be adjusted to fit her wrist. “She’ll love it,” he said. Then he observed the one for him. “I’ve never seen black seashells before. It’s gorgeous.”

“It came from Oceanside, of course, but I saw it and thought of you. I wanted something a little more masculine looking. Turns out, black shells are kind of a rarity. They used to be white or tan like normal shells, but over time, and due to the sediment where they were buried, they’ve turned black.” Paul seemed to be an expert on seashells all of a sudden.

“Do you go to Oceanside often?” Aaron asked as Paul put the bracelet on his wrist.

“No. Rachel came to Hilltop with goods to trade for food and medicine. She had a bunch of bracelets with her, and I thought it might be something you and Gracie would like.” As Paul finished adjusting the bracelet, he let his fingers wander up Aaron’s arm.

Aaron looked up at him and leaned in to kiss him. The kiss deepened, and they moved closer until their bodies were flush against one another. Paul broke away first and sighed with frustration.

“How much longer is this going to last,” he asked, his hands gathering up Aaron’s shirt.

“I don’t know, but I wish something would give. Alexandria has changed, its people I mean. It doesn’t feel like it used to. It’s safe, and we’ve improved our sustainability, but it’s not as friendly and carefree as it once was. I miss those days.” As Aaron spoke, he tilted his head to expose his neck, which Paul began to ravish.

“I miss waking up with you next to me,” Paul whispered, working his magic across Aaron’s skin.

Aaron wanted nothing more than to let Paul take him. They hadn’t had relations in over a month. There was a small barn not far from where they were. They had frequented it in the past, and Aaron wanted to rush off there now, but he had a message for Paul.

“Hold on a minute,” Aaron said reluctantly, and Paul stopped kissing him. Aaron pulled a letter out of his jacket and handed it to him. “This is from Tara.”

Paul took the letter and started to unfold it. “What is this?”

“She wants to leave Alexandria. She’s not happy with the way things are going there. She’s asking Maggie for permission to make Hilltop her new residence, and she wants you to help her with something first.”

Paul read the letter, eyes scanning back and forth as he perused the carefully written note. “She wants to help the Kingdom too.”

“Yeah, in the last letter from Carol and Ezekiel, they mentioned how they were getting low on medicine and food. I know Hilltop has been helping them out, but Alexandria hasn’t contributed in years. We’ve been stockpiling, and we have food and medicine to spare. Tara feels guilty about it, and honestly, so do I. It’s not fair that Hilltop should be the only one helping.”

“Michonne doesn’t know about this, I suppose?” Paul asked, a sly look on his face.

“Of course not. Tara’s got a plan, and she’s not just stealing it all. She’s going to talk Michonne into donating a small amount, but she’s going to dip her hand in a little deeper than she’s leading on. She’ll volunteer to come with me to make the delivery, but she’s not going back. Tara wants to stay at Hilltop. That part Michonne doesn’t know about.”

Paul lowered the letter to his lap and looked out over the distance. “I hate that everything has to be done in secret.”

“So do I,” Aaron agreed, but his smile turned devious. “Although there is definitely something thrilling about breaking the rules to come all the way out here.”

Paul folded the letter up and put it in his jacket. “If it’s a thrill you want . . .” He pulled Aaron to him again.

“We better hurry. There’s not much time left before I have to head back.” Aaron got up and went to his horse. Paul followed and mounted his own. They rode off at a gallop to their secret rendezvous spot.

Not far from the glade where they trained, they arrived at the barn, took the horses inside, shut the doors and made their way up a wooden ladder to the hayloft above. They already had blankets and a makeshift bed prepared for times like this. As soon as their feet touched the hay strewn loft they began undressing one another. No words were spoken in their hurry to feel flesh upon flesh. It had been too long to make casual conversation. This was all about the need and the lust. That’s all it had been about lately, but they relished moments like this, even if it wasn’t as romantic as spending an entire night slowly making love.

When they were completely unclothed, they stood still and let their eyes scan over one another. Aaron noticed how fit and trim Paul still was. He himself felt in better shape since their last meeting. He’d been exercising and training every day at home.

Paul closed the distance and took Aaron into his hand, manipulating him with slow, heavy strokes. Aaron moaned and threw his head back, but Paul stopped just as soon as it had started to get good. When he opened his eyes, Paul was looking at his metal arm, studying the leather straps and buckles that held it in place. Usually, when they didn’t have much time, Aaron left the arm on, but Paul seemed to have something else in mind. Aaron looked at him questioningly.

“There’s something I’ve always wanted to do,” Paul said with a devilish grin.

Aaron felt his skin prickle with excitement as he watched Paul lower his head to his arm. Suddenly, he felt Paul's mouth kissing his exposed upper arm, working a line down to the buckles. He gently lifted the arm, and with teeth, began undoing the straps. Aaron watched him, and at first he felt strange. All the times he and Paul had been together, he never paid much attention to his handicap. But there was something very feral and erotic about watching him snarl and bite at the straps, working each buckle loose, long wild hair cascading over metal and flesh. As he moved about, his let his hardened prick brush across Aaron’s hip and ass, pushing against him from time to time. Aaron grew painfully hard as he watched Paul work with determination to release the prosthetic. The first strap came loose, and Paul licked the skin where the strapped had marked the flesh. It didn’t take him long to release the others now that he knew how to do it. Paul slid the arm off slowly, his mouth kissing flesh, and tongue leaving a trail. He kissed and licked at the scar, moaning as he did, and Aaron watched the entire act while feeling as though he could spend himself right then. Paul's mouth made its way up the truncated arm, to shoulder, neck, and chest. He moved lower still, getting on his knees and then swallowing Aaron’s length in his hot, wet mouth.

“Fuck, that’s good,” Aaron cried, feeling Paul's hands move around from his hips to his ass, squeezing and separating. A finger manipulated him while that sexy mouth worked its magic. Aaron was trapped. If he moved back, Paul's fingers slid in further. Move forward and he was swallowed to the hilt. Aaron’s moans turned to heavy breaths and cries of pleasure as he finally spilled. Paul's tongue milked him of every last drop that he gladly swallowed. When Aaron thought his oversensitive prick couldn’t take much more, Paul released him to the cool air. Aaron felt his knees buckle, but Paul caught him and carefully lowered him to the blankets and hay, and came to rest beside him.

When Aaron caught his breath, he turned to Paul. “You don’t know how strangely sexy that was.”

Paul smiled to himself. “Something that came to me in a dream.”

“You dream about me?”

“It’s more like I dream about what I want to do to you, and that’s something I’ve always wanted to try doing.”

Aaron laughed. “It almost makes it worth losing my arm.”

They laid in comfortable silence while Aaron recovered his senses, his body returning from the heaven Paul induced on him. Glancing at Paul, he seemed bothered, but not because of anything that had to do with Aaron.

“What is it?” Aaron asked sweetly.

“I’m concerned about Tara leaving and taking supplies with her. Michonne’s not going to respond well.”

“Yeah, I’ve thought about that too. There’s already enough tension between her and Maggie as it is.” Aaron had watched Michonne read Maggie’s letters and give a cynical huff afterwards. “This will just push them further apart.”

“And you know what that means for us,” Paul said, his hand coming to rest on Aaron chest. “I was thinking. Maybe I should come back with you when you bring Tara next time. With Tara gone, Michonne’s losing a resident. If I go in her place, maybe it will make things a little more even.”

“If you come back to Alexandria, who are we going to get important information from?” Aaron asked. “I really think you need to stay in Hilltop.”

Paul moved away from Aaron, and came to rest on his back. “I hate being away from you. Sometimes it doesn’t seem fair that we’re soldiers in someone else’s dissention.”

“I don’t like it either, but it’s necessary until Michonne can somehow learn to trust again. She’s been through so much,” Aaron said, taking Michonne and Alexandria’s side.

“We’ve been through a lot too,” Paul started to argue. “Don’t we deserve some happiness in our lives?”

“Paul, you know why we–”

“Dammit, Aaron. I miss you. And I … I love you, and … I just want us to be happy.” Paul stopped, knowing he just said the one thing that made Aaron tense, but he was unapologetic. “Yes, I said it, and I know you told me I shouldn’t, but it’s how I feel.”

A couple years ago, after one of their meetings, after making love in the barn, Paul had confessed his love for Aaron. He wanted nothing more than to return the sentiment. He cared deeply for Paul, and enjoyed everything about him, his strength, and his generosity, how he easily surrendered to Aaron. Paul was a beautiful man inside and out, and Aaron had no reason not to love him … except one. Because of that, he hadn’t been able to say it back. The disappointment on Paul's face ripped his heart from his chest. And then, in the same moment, Paul smiled and said he understood the reason for Aaron’s hesitation, and that he could accept it. Aaron had told him he didn’t deserve such an understanding man in his life. Paul had smiled and said it was too late. He was already in it. From then on, they had a mutual but silent agreement not to bring the matter up again, not until Aaron was ready.

“I miss you too. I miss this. I miss us. But–”

“You don’t have to say anything more,” Paul interrupted.

“I’m sorry,” Aaron said, turning away from him. “You don’t deserve this.”

“You still want me. That’s what’s important.” Paul tried to cover his disappointment, but it still leaked through.

Aaron turned back to him, rolling onto his side. “I do. I will always want you. I want you in my life, in my home, in my bed. I don’t like this anymore than you do. It just seems necessary for now. It’s already been so long. It can’t last much longer and you’ll be back in Alexandria. Or who know? Maybe Gracie and I will come to Hilltop. I don’t really care anymore, as long as we’re together. And then, perhaps I’ll be ready to say it. I do feel it. I’ll admit to that. I just want everything to be right when I commit to the words.”

Paul smiled, the disappointment melting away. “I’ll take that then. It’s enough to know you feel it.”

Aaron rolled onto Paul, and nudged his legs apart with his knee. “So, let me make you feel it too.”

Paul lifted his legs, wrapping them around Aaron’s waist. Aaron lowered his body onto Paul's. They connected, and Aaron filled him, making love once more before they had to be on their way back to their homes. The next time they saw each other, Tara would be with them, and they wouldn’t have the opportunity for this.

Afterwards, they reluctantly dressed, unable to lay in each other’s arms as they reveled in the vestiges of their pleasure. Paul helped Aaron put his arm back on. Aaron smiled slyly as he did, remembering how sexy it was watching Paul take it off. He’d never look at it the same way again. Paul read his thoughts and nudged his shoulder playfully.

They climbed down the ladder, went to their horses and checked over saddles and bags, led the horses from the barn, closed it back up, and mounted their rides. They rode side by side back to the glade. From there they would go their separate ways.

“Oh, hey, I almost forgot,” Paul said before they left. “Ezekiel is still making plans for this trade fair he’s been talking about. It looks like it is really going to happen. Everyone’s in except for Alexandria. Michonne hasn’t answered one way or the other whether they’ll participate.”

“Let me work on her. It’s a great idea, and maybe if she sees how good the other communities are doing, she’ll want to open Alexandria back up again.” Aaron smiled at Paul. “This could be it. This could be the change we need, and I mean us, you and me.”

“Get to work, then.” Paul moved his horse close to Aaron’s, facing the opposite direction. They leaned toward each other and kissed once more. “I’ll miss you.”

‘I’ll miss you too,” Aaron said when they parted. “See you in a couple weeks.” They let their horses carry them away. Aaron turned back. “Thanks for the bracelets.”

Paul smiled and waved before turning for home. Aaron set his horse to a gallop. He would be a little late returning, but he would think up an excuse. And now he had something to work for, convincing Michonne that Alexandria should participate in the fair. It was a good thing he had plenty of time. This would be no easy task.

>>------->

Tara successfully talked Michonne into sparing a few supplies to contribute to the Kingdom. Aaron wasn’t sure how she did it. Michonne wasn’t very charitable these days. What Michonne didn’t know was that Tara took more than she was allowed, filling a few extra satchels with canned goods and medicine. As soon as Tara was ready to go, Aaron gathered his things and they headed out. They would be gone longer than usual, and Aaron had gotten special permission to travel further than the allotted distance in order for them to meet up with the King. That had been the plan as far as Michonne knew, but actually, Aaron was taking her to meet Paul. Then Paul and Tara would travel to see Ezekiel and Carol. And, of course, Tara’s plan was to stay at Hilltop, which Aaron would have to tell Michonne when he got home. She would not be happy to know she lost not just one of her people, but a member of the council as well.

As they road along, Aaron noticed a particular package. It looked like a tube, something that might keep blueprints, safe from damage. He didn’t think it was a weapon, and it wasn’t something that could be used to hold supplies. Tara took special care to make sure it was safely tied to her saddle.

“Mind if I ask what’s in the tube?” Aaron asked.

“I’d tell you but I’d have to kill you,” Tara joked. “Actually, it’s something that Michonne started, something that was supposed to bind the communities. Then, after the Jocelyn incident, Michonne stuck it in here and hid it away.”

“You know, I remember her mentioning something like that a few years ago, even before Rick died. I didn’t know she’d done anything with it. Why do you have it?” Aaron asked.

“I stole it,” Tara said nonchalantly. She saw the surprised look Aaron gave her. “It was just collecting dust anyway. Ezekiel asked about it a long time ago, before Alexandria cut itself off. He thought it was a good idea, joining all the communities, kind of like states. They are individual communities who make their own rules, but as a whole, we make common rules that pertain to all of us. And if a community was in trouble, whether a shortage of supplies or an outside attack, all the others would come to their aid. It’s a genius idea really, and since Ezekiel asked about it, I thought he should be the one who held onto it. There’s only one thing left to do with it, and that’s to get everyone to sign it.”

“Who’s everyone?” Aaron wondered.

“The leaders of all the communities, Hilltop, Alexandria, the Kingdom, Oceanside, the Sanctuary, although nothing’s left of the Sanctuary so I guess they don’t count anymore.”

“It’s a great idea, but it will be like pulling teeth to get everyone together to sign it.” Aaron couldn’t see this idea going much further.

“Well, that’s one of the reasons Ezekiel is planning the trade fair. While he has everyone in the same place, he’s going to pop it on them, and then they’ll have to sign,” Tara explained. She seemed very sure of herself, and was definitely on Ezekiel’s side with the whole thing.

They were close to the meeting point, and Aaron was anxious to see Paul again. He wished they could spend the day together as they usually did, but this was a different meeting. It wasn’t long, and they saw Paul approaching from the opposite direction, riding in like a handsome knight on his steed. He smiled when he saw Aaron, and it warmed his heart.

They greeted each other and dismounted. Tara showed Paul the supplies and told him about the written agreement, the articles she’d called it. Paul was impressed with Tara’s slyness at taking it, as well as making the bold decision not to return to Alexandria.

“We’re really glad to have you with us,” he told her.

“I just think I can be more help there than in Alexandria. Michonne means well, but she’s going about it the wrong way. Since when is it about the individual groups and not everyone as a whole?”

“How are things in Hilltop?” Aaron asked, as though talking in code.

“Things are good. How about Alexandria?” Paul asked in return, picking up on his meaning.

“Geez, if you two want a moment alone, all you had to do was ask,” Tara said, rolling her eyes. “Never let it be said that I came between anyone’s romance. I’ll take care of the horses, and you two go do whatever it is you do, but don’t be too long. Jesus and I have a long ride to meet with Ezekiel and Carol in the morning.”

Paul smiled and seemed to blush slightly as he approached Aaron. Aaron put his arm around Paul's shoulder, and together they walked a short distance where they could have a moment alone. Once Tara was out of view, Paul jumped in front of Aaron to stop him, and roughly pulled him close for a kiss.

“What I wouldn’t give to whisk you away somewhere and give you a proper fucking,” Paul said, hot breath whispering into Aaron ear.

“Don’t make this any harder than it already is.” Aaron looked past Paul's shoulder to make sure they weren’t overheard. “All I can think about is dropping to my knees and giving you a blowjob you won’t soon forget.”

“Now who’s making it hard?” Paul said. He thrust his hips against Aaron, evidence of his excitement pushing solid and heavy against Aaron’s thigh.

Aaron reached out and grabbed a fist full of hair, pulled Paul to him, and kissed him solidly for as long as he was allowed to. They didn’t have much time left. Paul broke away and ravished his neck. Aaron’s eyes rolled up and gazed at the canopy above. “When can we meet next?”

“Better let things cool down some after Michonne finds out Tara isn’t coming back. Let’s plan on a month from today,” Paul said.

“A month is too long,” Aaron complained while grinding his arousal against Paul's. “It’s already been two weeks. I can’t wait that long. Don’t worry about Michonne. I can handle her.”

“Three weeks then. Same place. Bring me something good. You still got that guy who makes the killer hooch?”

“He’s still around, and still making that bathtub gin or whatever the hell it is. I’ll bring you a bottle,” Aaron agreed.

“What do you want me to bring you?” Paul asked.

“I just want you and nothing else. And I want you to come up with some new moves. I’m ready to learn something else.”

“You mean for training or for sex,” Paul said, his hand brushing across Aaron’s aroused state.

“We better cool it before we give Tara an eyeful.” Aaron kissed him again, teeth clacking as he tried to melt into Paul. He smelled good today, better than usual. “And bring me some of whatever is making you smell so irresistible.”

“One of the women back home is making soap. I’ll bring you a bar,” Paul promised.

They held each other tight, knowing there wasn’t much time left. Paul whispered in Aaron’s ear. “I don’t want to go.”

“I don’t want you to either, but you have to. It won’t be long and we’ll be together again. These three weeks will fly by.” Aaron smiled at him with confidence. “Come on. I gotta get you back.”

They parted, but their hands stayed interlocked as they walked back to Tara. They could see her smile at a distance. Before they got to her, they shared one more kiss, this one tender and meaningful.

Paul helped Aaron onto his horse, not that he really needed help. Aaron had mastered mounting his horse with one hand a while ago. He’d come a long way since his accident. Paul was proud of him.

“Take care Tara, and don’t worry about Michonne. I’ll handle it,” Aaron said. His horse came up close to Paul's.

“Thanks Aaron. I appreciate it. And tell her I’m sorry it had to go down this way,” Tara said, looking a bit regretful.

“You take care too,” Aaron said to Paul. “And if you would, tell Carol I said hello and I miss her.”

“I will. Be careful going back home,” Paul told him. Aaron could tell there was more he wished he could say, but he knew better, especially after their last meeting and their conversation.

They parted again, and too soon this time. Three weeks was a long time, no matter what he told Paul earlier. As Aaron rode for home, he started thinking about why he couldn’t return the affection that Paul had given him. Why couldn’t he tell him he loved him? Did he love Paul? That was such a strong word, and Aaron wouldn’t say it without meaning it. It felt like he could love him, especially when he didn’t want to leave him so soon. He missed having Paul around the house, helping with the chores, playing with Gracie, waking up next to him every morning, but did that constitute love? Aaron more than liked him. His affection toward Paul was much stronger than that, but love was such a huge step to take, especially when they weren’t even living in the same community.

There was another reason Aaron couldn’t commit to Paul, probably the main reason. He didn’t want to admit to it. He’d tried so hard to get over it, but he still wondered and worried about Daryl. He knew it was stupid to be hung up on a man who didn’t want him anymore. Perhaps he was only using Daryl as an excuse not to commit to Paul. What if he let Paul in and something happened? Could he make it through another devastating result of a failed relationship? Aaron didn’t like the fact that he was thinking this way, as though it was over before it began. Right now things were safe with Paul. He was in Hilltop. Aaron was in Alexandria. They met once a month to catch up and remember what it was like to be together.

“Oh my God,” Aaron said to himself as a revelation came to him. “Is that why I suggested Paul go back to Hilltop? It put our relationship in a holding pattern. If I can only see him once a month, it means we can’t advance things between us because there isn’t enough time, and all we want to do when we’re together is rekindle what we already have. Am I really that much of a wuss?” But Paul was a great guy who treated him with respect and dignity. Why would Aaron sabotage himself?

“Because you’re scared, asshole,” he berated himself. To take the next step and admit that he was in love with Paul meant having to give up the last miniscule piece of hope he held out for Daryl. He didn’t realize it until now. He thought that was all finished with. He thought he had moved on, but thinking about it now, he discovered that maybe he wasn’t. It all led back to a few years ago when Aaron lost his arm, and Daryl was there for him, seeing him through that horrible time. They had both bent their wills to each other, and admitted that they still held onto feelings for one another. No matter how much Aaron tried to put his past behind him, there was one thing that he couldn’t shake. He still cared about Daryl.

Michonne said Daryl was living by the river at the collapsed bridge, still searching for any kind of evidence about Rick. That had always bothered Aaron. He hated to see Daryl stuck, and he knew better than anyone how the man dealt with tragedy. It wasn’t Aaron’s business anymore, and he knew there was nothing he could say or do to help. This was more for about putting Aaron’s mind at ease, and letting Daryl know there was still one person out there that cared.

For the next couple miles, Aaron tried to talk himself out of it. He should just go back to Alexandria, but it was too soon to return. Michonne would become suspicious and ask about Tara. He needed to kill some time before going home.

“The bridge isn’t that far out of the way,” he said to convince himself. He could go there now, check on Daryl, and still be home in the allotted time. “I just need to see him.” Even if he refused to talk to him, Aaron just needed to know he was all right. So, Aaron made up his mind to pay Daryl a visit, maybe mend the mental scars that laid between them, put it to rest once and for all. Aaron felt that if he could do that, he could finally commit, and return those three most difficult words that Paul had so easily said to him.

When Aaron got there, he could still see traces of the old camp, like the empty fire pits and cut logs positioned around them where people had sat and enjoyed each other’s company. There were some discarded tents and cots, pots and pans, crushed water bottles and empty tin cans. There was a stack of logs and partially finished boards, a scattering of nails and wood shavings, evidence of a time when the communities had come together to try and accomplish a massive undertaking. It made Aaron sad to see it like this. Within a matter of hours, everything came to a halt. Lives were turned upside down. Hopes and dreams were shattered when their leader was lost, and it all fell apart. Now the communities were divided, and it was a real shame. Could they ever get back to what they once had?

Aaron dismounted and led his horse further along the river until he came to a line of wire with cans and hubcaps tied to it, a perimeter fence, an early warning system. This was the edge of Daryl’s camp. Aaron carefully stepped over the wire, trying to make as little noise as possible, but it was difficult to balance with only one arm. He hadn’t gotten his second foot up and over when he felt that someone was watching him. When he turned, he found Daryl standing behind him, crossbow raised and at the ready. Aaron threw his arm up in surrender.

“It’s me. It’s only me,” he said. It felt as though Daryl had forgotten who he was.

Daryl lowered the bow and threw it over his shoulder. “What are you doing here?” It wasn’t said with anger, but with surprise.

“I was in the neighborhood?” he said with a mousy tone and a shrug.

Daryl stood still as a stone, no emotion, no welcoming smile. Aaron didn’t expect it to be a warm reunion. After a moment, Daryl turned and walked away, and Aaron remained where he was and watched. “You lost or something?” Daryl said as he busied himself.

“No. I know where I’m at,” Aaron said. “I literally was close by and wanted to see how you were doing.”

“I’m fine.” Daryl picked up a rope that had a few dead squirrels tied to it, and took it over to the edge of his camp. He pulled out a knife and started cleaning his catch.

Aaron watched him work diligently. He didn’t know what to say, and Daryl wasn’t supplying any conversation. “Do you need anything? I’ve got some supplies in my pack.”

“I’m good,” Daryl said tersely, busy at his task.

“You’ve been out here a long time,” Aaron said.

“Mmm,” Daryl grunted.

This was going nowhere, but at least Aaron could see for himself that Daryl was surviving. He looked tired, but physically strong. Living like this had given him more muscle than Aaron remembered him having. Looking around the camp, he could see a lean-to near a stand of trees, a fire pit, an old lounge chair, and a log that looked like it came from the pile at the abandoned camp. There was a pile of odds and ends, things Daryl must have collected along the way. He had always collected things because you never knew when something came in handy. Among the pile were some pots and pans, springs, rope, wire, empty milk jugs, a rearview mirror from a car, and a blue tarp that was more grey than blue from fading.

“Are you sure you don’t need anything?” Aaron asked.

“I got everything I need and nothing I don’t,” Daryl said. He had the squirrels gutted and was working on removing the skins.

Silence fell over them again, this time for a bit longer. Without looking up from his business, Daryl spoke. “Why are you really here?”

“Truth?” Aaron asked, and Daryl glanced up at him quickly before turning back to his catch. “I’ve been wondering how you’ve been ever since Michonne told me where you were. She said you traveled to the ocean and back. I guess I wanted to know what you found.”

“Just a whole lot of nothin’,” he said low and quiet.

“She said you were looking for Rick,” Aaron mentioned, knowing he was getting into dangerous territory.

“I was. Guess I still am.”

“Why?”

“Don’t you find it odd that there was no body? No walker? Not even a trace of clothes or anything. Michonne found his gun, but that’s all.” Daryl seemed passionate about this fact.

“I guess it’s a little strange, but think about the conditions that day. The river was flowing hard. The bridge blew into millions of pieces. Rick, he was right there in the middle of it,” Aaron pointed out.

“People need something to bury, you know? It helps when there’s something left to mourn.” Daryl looked up at him, their eyes catching for a moment before he turned away. He picked up a stick and threaded the first prepared squirrel onto it. “You got somewhere you need to be?”

Aaron thought Daryl was trying to get rid of him, and subtly suggesting it with the question. “I’ll get out of your hair.” He started to turn to leave.

“I meant you can stay and eat if you want. Or go. Whatever,” Daryl said, sounding unconcerned.

The invitation was a shock, and something Aaron found he couldn’t pass up. “If you’re sure. I don’t want to eat your food if–”

“There’s more than enough here,” Daryl said, lifting one of the skinned squirrels.

Aaron wanted to stay, but he needed to feel useful. He wouldn’t eat Daryl’s catch without doing something in exchange. “I’ll stay if you let me make the fire.”

“Fair enough,” Daryl said without looking up from his work.

Aaron noticed a pile of cut wood off to the side. He walked over several times, only able to carry one or two logs at a time. He arranged them in the ash-strewn fire pit until he was satisfied, and then went to gather some kindling.

“Here,” Daryl said, seeing that Aaron was finished. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a flint stone.

Aaron wandered over to take it from him, but when he reached for it, the dirt under his foot shifted and he nudged forward unexpectedly. The motion made their fingers connect. It had been the first time they’d touched in years. Before it felt uncomfortable, Aaron pulled away with the stone, but he still felt the sensation of touching Daryl’s flesh. He went to the fire pit and knelt down, drew out his knife, and started striking the stone, producing tiny sparks.

Sparks that he used to feel in his heart whenever he was near Daryl, he thought. There hadn’t been a spark just now, but rather a ghost of a memory. Those hands, those fingers used to be very involved in Aaron’s life. They had touched him lovingly. They had protected him. They had killed, too. Now they felt like a stranger.

The kindling caught and before too long, they had a nice fire going. Daryl looked pleased as he put the last of the squirrels on the sticks. He came to the fire, and handed one to Aaron.

“Thanks,” Aaron said, and he lowered it to the fire.

Daryl watched him from the corner of his eye, seemingly bothered by the way Aaron was roasting his meal. “You need to turn it so it cooks evenly,” Daryl instructed.

“Oh,” Aaron replied. He struggled some, unable to turn the stick easily with one hand.

“Oh shit. Sorry,” Daryl said genuinely apologetic. He started to get up from the log where he sat, and help.

Aaron shook his head to stop him. “I got it.” He brought up his metal arm and laid it across his lap, adjusting his seat on the other half of the same log Daryl sat on. Then he used this prosthetic to rest the stick upon, allowing him to turn it more easily. Daryl watched on in amazement.

“You seem to get along pretty well with that,” Daryl said.

“I’ve had a few years to practice.”

“Does it … bother you much?” Daryl seemed curious about Aaron’s truncated arm. After all, he’d been there when it happened.

“In the beginning it did. Not so much anymore. I’ve learned to adjust and adopt.”

Daryl felt a pang of guilt. He had helped Aaron get through that tragic moment, calmed him as Enid prepared her tools, held his hand, whispered memories of good days gone by in his ear to try and keep Aaron’s mind from the shock of what was happening to him. But he hadn’t been there afterward to help Aaron heal, and to learn how to function with only one arm. Daryl had always felt the guilt of not being there, of sending him off to Hilltop where he’d be someone else’s problem. By someone else, he knew he’d meant Jesus.

The thought of the two of them together made the guilt melt into aggravation. It shouldn’t have bothered him, but it did. Whenever Daryl felt the first pang of jealousy, he always pushed it down and buried it. Daryl had been the one to push Aaron away. He was the reason Aaron and Paul were together, but there was no other choice. Daryl would have dragged Aaron down with him if he had tried to keep them together. And he had asked Jesus to take his place if anything ever happened to him. Daryl always thought he’d be dead, not around to see the two of them happy and content in a relationship, but this was how things turned out. Still, Daryl wasn’t convinced that Aaron was only here to check up on him. It seemed a little odd.

After a few more moments of quiet, Daryl spoke again. “Does Jesus know you’re here?”

“Uh, no,” Aaron stammered. The question came out of nowhere.

“You sneak off without him or something?”

“Nothing like that,” Aaron said on the defensive. “He doesn’t live in Alexandria anymore. I sent him back to Hilltop.”

Daryl’s head came up and then went back down, surprised again by Aaron. “You two uh . . .?” Daryl suggested without finishing the sentence.

“Split? No. No, not at all.” Aaron paused before explaining. “Michonne, uh, she’s pretty much closed off Alexandria from the other communities. It happened after … Jocelyn.”

Daryl stilled and stared into the fire, as though the memory of whatever happened was playing out in the flames. “She told me something to that affect, but I didn’t think she isolated herself.”

“Not just her. All of us. I thought it would be best if Paul went back to Hilltop. I thought we needed to keep some form of communication open. So Paul and I, we meet once a month and trade information so that we are in the loop with each other,” Aaron explained.

“Is that why you’re out this way?”

“Yes,” Aaron said feeling like he was being interrogated.

After a while, their meal was done. They let it cool slightly, and then began picking the charred meat from the bone. It was actually tasty. Aaron had eaten squirrel before but cooked over an open fire from the stick it roasted on. They ate in silence, and when they were through, Daryl got up and started toward the river. Aaron watched him a moment, until he saw him crouch down at the river’s edge, and begin washing his hands, and then he got up and went to join him. Aaron went down on one knee, scooped up some water into his hand and brought it to his mouth so he could wash away the grease. While he was next to Daryl he decided to ask one more time.

“Are you sure you won’t come back to one of the communities? I know why you won’t come to Alexandria or Hilltop, but I’m sure the Kingdom could use you.”

“I’m good on my own. Better actually. No one to answer to but myself,” Daryl said quietly.

Aaron knew it was said in truth, but he couldn’t help feeling like Daryl was still chasing him away. “Well, I better be on my way.” Both men stood by the river’s edge, facing each other. Aaron looked at Daryl, but Daryl was careful not to look back. He kept his eyes down or to the side. He was hiding. Aaron knew this because it was an action he used to do when they first met, when Daryl was still protective of himself. But they were strangers back then, and it was understandable. They weren’t strangers now, but they might as well have been.

Aaron couldn’t leave things like this. He wanted Daryl to understand that he still cared no matter what. He reached out and put his hand on Daryl’s shoulder in a friendly manner. “Thanks for the grub.”

At the feel of Aaron’s hand on his shoulder, Daryl couldn’t keep from responding in any other way than to look at him. He lifted his eyes, and gazed at Aaron through long hair that almost completely covered his eyes. It was easier to look at him this way, still partially hidden. His eyes didn’t betray him, but his tongue did, and he surprised even himself.

“I’m glad you came,” Daryl said, his voice sounding gruff. He hadn’t wanted to say it. He hadn’t wanted to say anything, but something forced its way out of his chest and into the empty space between them.

Aaron’s hand moved from his shoulder to his hair, and he pushed the messy locks to the side, tucking them behind his ear. There was nothing filtering the look they shared.

“Be careful, okay?” Aaron said like a parent with concern.

“Yeah,” Daryl answered rather bashfully, an unexpected reaction, but the only one that came forward to mirror Aaron’s words.

Aaron pulled his hand away slowly, as though he didn’t want to end the contact. Then he turned and left Daryl standing by the river. As he went, he bit the inside of his lip to keep from looking back. He shouldn’t have touched him, not even his hair. The contact stirred up all kinds of past emotions, thoughts that had no place in his life anymore. He heard Paul's voice in the back of his mind, telling him he loved him, and Aaron being unable to answer him. Aaron glanced down at his wrist, at the seashell bracelet, and thought of Paul trying to work something out so they could be together again. That’s what he needed to concentrate on. With Paul, he had a family. He had someone open and honest who wanted him and needed him. And oh how Gracie adored him. She didn’t know Daryl, hadn’t met him since she was an infant.

But somewhere deep down inside his heart, he knew there was a weakness that, if he allowed it, would grow and strengthen, and ruin the good things he had in his life just for one more chance. It was a mistake coming here, he thought as he mounted his horse and headed for home. He could never see Daryl again. He needed to get home, be with his little girl, count the days until he saw Paul again, and prepare himself to finally tell Paul that he loved him too. Because he did. Somewhere within, he knew he loved the man. How could he not? He cared deeply for him, wanted to be with him day and night, maybe even grow old together. If he wanted all these things, then how could he not be in love?

>>------->

What Aaron and Paul thought would only be three weeks turned into three months. Michonne was livid when she learned that Tara wasn’t coming back. She thought Maggie somehow convinced her to stay at Hilltop, and even called her out on it. Maggie, of course, denied having anything to do with Tara’s decision, and turned the blame to Michonne. Then Maggie called her out for not contributing to the communities anymore, and leaving Hilltop to be the main supplier to the Kingdom. Michonne wouldn’t explain her reason for the isolation other than she had to keep Alexandria and its people safe. Time and time again, Michonne preached about how dangerous the world had gotten, and that if what happened to Judith happened to little Hershel, Maggie would have made the same decision. Maggie, in turn, argued that she might have beefed up security, but she never would have allowed the comradery between the communities to dissolve. Michonne stuck to her reasons as being the only decision she needed to make. From that moment on, Michonne and Maggie were on the outs with each other. The bond and the trust they once had was broken because they couldn’t see eye to eye. It was a horrible day when the communities split apart, and Aaron had never felt so isolated. All scouting expeditions were canceled. Alexandria had a healthy supply of food and medicine, enough that they could take a break from their regular scavenges, and stay safely hidden behind their walls. This meant that Aaron couldn’t sneak off to visit Paul. The only ones allowed to leave were the message runners, and then they only went so far. There were points along the road between Hilltop and Alexandria, drop-off points where they could leave notes. A chain of message runners carried the notes to each station until it reached its destination. Unfortunately, Aaron was not a runner, so he couldn’t get away, but he wrote to Paul, and Paul wrote back.

What Aaron received were some of the most beautiful love letters he’d ever read. Paul made promises to him that they would be together again soon. He was working on a plan to come to Alexandria, but he needed to do it in a way that Maggie wouldn’t be upset. That was a difficult thing, especially with the feud between Michonne and Maggie. Paul was waiting for the heat to die down between the two. He didn’t want it to look like a deliberate move, exchanging Tara for himself. But the women were too deep in a blame game that it didn’t matter what happened, one would accuse the other of playing dirty. That would only extend the feud, which was the last thing Paul or Aaron wanted right now.

And so the days passed and turned into weeks then months. Finally, word came that Paul wanted to meet Aaron at their usual place. He didn’t explain how he was able to leave Hilltop just that he needed Aaron to figure out a way to leave Alexandria.

‘. . . and not just for the day. Make it an overnight trip.’ Paul had written. Reading this made Aaron’s pulse race with anticipation. Three months was a long time not to know a lover’s touch, or his crushing kisses or the sliding of flesh. So, since he was on the council as head of recruiting, Aaron used his position to talk Michonne into letting those who scouted to return to their previous jobs. Time was on his side, and since it had been three months, Alexandria needed to replenish some of its supplies. After working on Michonne for less time than he thought he’d need, she agreed to allow it, as long as everyone obeyed the border laws and stayed within the lines drawn on the map. Aaron kept his fingers crossed when he made that promise to her. He would need to go far beyond Michonne’s border to meet Paul, but none would be the wiser.

He made his usual arrangements with Sarah, and packed a bag for himself and Paul; he had some little gifts for him. He left the day that Paul suggested he leave so they could finally be together, and tried his best to contain his excitement.

Finally, reaching the end of his travels, Aaron broke through the tree line, into the glade where they always met. Paul was already there, sitting in his usual place, the fallen tree. He saw Aaron ride in on his horse, stood and waved at him from across the glade. Aaron nudged his horse’s ribs with his heels and galloped to him. The horse had hardly come to a complete stop, and Aaron was already climbing down. He rushed to Paul and they embraced in a tight hold. Their eyes caught onto each other as they smiled, and then they kissed.

“God, I missed you so damn much,” Aaron said, still holding onto Paul's waist.

“That was way too fucking long,” Paul agreed.

They looked each other from head to toe, and commented on how good the other looked.

“Your hair is longer,” Aaron observed, taking a handful and running his fingers through it.

“And yours, look how curly it’s gotten,” Paul said, taking Aaron’s head in his hands, roughing his hair and pulling him in for another kiss. He pulled away almost immediately. “Gracie! How’s my little Gracie?” Paul asked excitedly.

“She misses you. Asks about you almost every day. I brought you this.” Aaron left Paul to dig through his bag that was still attached to his saddle. He couldn’t wait to give it to him. Aaron pulled out a Polaroid picture of Gracie with a ball, but it wasn’t the ball she used to roll across the floor to Paul. It was a plastic softball and a red plastic bat.

Paul took the picture in his fingers, and covered his mouth with his other hand. “Oh my God, look at her. She likes baseball?”

“I just introduced it to her. She loves it.”

Paul laughed. “The bat is as big as she is.”

“Hey, it’s never too early to introduce them to sports. I predict that one day Hilltop and Alexandria will have teams, and we’ll have our first world series,” Aaron said with a big smile. “And she’s going to be the star of the show.”

“Wouldn’t that be something?” Paul said, but there was something a little sad in his voice. Aaron tried not to dwell on it.

“I brought you some other things too. I got a jar of honey, a half dozen books that I hope you haven’t read yet, and some hooch made from fermented fruit that’s not half bad.”

“It’s all so amazing. Thank you.” Paul pulled him in and hugged him once more. “I missed you so much.”

“I missed you too. I kept every one of your letters. You are the sweetest man.” Aaron pulled back enough so that he could kiss Paul more thoroughly, allowing all of his emotions to mix in with the feel of his lips and tongue. “Don’t think I’m horrible for saying this, but all I want right now is to fuck.”

“Mmm, you read my mind. Come on. I’ve reserved our usual room,” Paul jested.

They got on their horses and rode the short distance to the barn. As usual, they led the horses inside, closed the doors and headed up the ladder to the hayloft above. Aaron’s breath hitched when he reached the loft, finding it decorated with wild flowers and Mason jar candles. Their bed was made, ready and waiting for them. Layers of thick blankets, and even two pillows, it was the most inviting bed Aaron had seen. On an upturned crate sat two glasses and a bottle of honey mead, a specialty of the Kingdom. A loaf of bread and an open sack filled with fruit finished of the spread.

Aaron’s heart sang with joy. “You’ve truly outdone yourself this time. It’s spectacular.”

“I wanted it to be special this time, not just a place to, pardon the pun, roll in the hay,” Paul smiled and shook his head. “I know. I tried to talk myself out of saying it, but I couldn’t resist.”

“That’s what I love about you. You’re always so happy and full of surprises,” Aaron said as he looked around the loft.

“Did I just hear you correctly? Did you just use the L word?” A smile spread across Paul's face.

Aaron hadn’t realized he said it. “Well, when you put it that way then yeah. I guess I did.” Aaron put his hands on Paul's shoulders and looked at the hay at his feet. “Listen, you know I’ve always cared about you, and over the years, that feeling has grown stronger. Lately, it’s deepened. I don’t know. Absence makes the heart grow fonder? Whatever it is, all I know is that I want to be with you. I miss having you with me. I miss our little family of three, you, me and Gracie. I want to wake up next to you every day. I want to sit in the kitchen and laugh over a cup of morning tea. I want you to train me, and push me until I think I’m going to break. I want you to curl into me at night, and make love whenever the moment strikes us. And I’ve come to realize that if I want all these things, it’s not just because I like you. It goes deeper than that. So, yes Paul Monroe, I’m in love with you.”

Paul took Aaron’s bearded chin in his fingers and lifted his head until their eyes met. There was joy within Paul's strikingly blue eyes, but there was something else, something that shouldn’t be there after such a personal confession, and it shook Aaron’s core. Something was wrong. All kinds of thoughts shot through Aaron’s mind. Had Paul fallen out of love with him over the past few months? Had he met someone else? Did he not want the same thing Aaron wanted anymore? Maybe the idea of being a family was too much for him, and he decided he didn’t want to commit in that way.

“Something’s wrong,” Aaron simply put it.

“Let me start by saying that everything you just said to me, I agree with one hundred percent. You’ve made me so happy, and I love you so much.” Paul paused, and Aaron knew there was a second, more depressing half to what he was saying.

“What is it? What’s happened? Oh God, you’ve met someone else haven’t you?” Aaron panicked.

Paul pulled him in and kissed him solidly. “No. God no. That’s not it at all. Nothing like that. I’d never do that to you. I want to be a part of your life. That hasn’t changed.” Paul released him and looked to the side. “But something has happened … in Hilltop.”

Aaron’s mind, once again, began making assumptions. Had Hilltop been attacked? That was the first thing he thought of. “What? Is everyone all right?”

“Everyone is fine. It’s about Maggie. She’s left the colony.”

Aaron was very confused, and he took a moment to grasp what Paul was saying. “When you say she left, what do you mean by that? Is she coming back? Did she just need to get away for a little while?”

“Honestly, I don’t know what it means. You remember that woman she met out on the road? The one who trades odd things like records for food supplies and how-to knowledge, Georgie.”

“Yeah, Michonne mentioned something about her a long time ago, but I haven’t heard anything since,” Aaron said.

“Well, Maggie kept in touch with her, kept up the bartering between Hilltop and wherever Georgie comes from. In the process, Georgie wrote her letters, and started trying to recruit Maggie to join her plight of helping to rebuild other communities. Maggie turned her down at first, but over the years, and especially after her and Michonne’s falling out, she finally let Georgie talk her into going.”

Aaron was stunned. “What are you saying? Maggie left Hilltop and joined some new and unknown community? She wouldn’t do that. She fought tooth and nail for her position as leader.”

“She did,” Paul agreed. “And then she decided she wanted something better for Hershel. She said that a place like Hilltop would always be under threat of attack because they have something that others want. She was searching for a peaceful place to raise Hershel, and I think she found it with what Georgie had to offer. They help those who want it, and teach them how to thrive and grow, and become better people in the process. I can’t say that I blame her. But here’s the thing. When Maggie left, it made Hilltop leaderless until . . .” Paul paused and turned to the side, crossing his arms in a protective manner. “Until they voted me in as their new leader.”

Aaron was surprised by all of it, but the fact that the people wanted Paul to take Maggie’s place made sense. They all knew Paul, knew he was good at taking care of them, and protecting them. “I’m happy for you. You’ll make a great leader.” He tried to sound happy, but he knew what else this meant.

“Aaron, I want nothing more than to come back to Alexandria with you. I don’t want this leadership role. I’ve never wanted it. When Gregory was in charge, I had people come to me who wanted me to step forward and take his place. I didn’t. I couldn’t because I didn’t want to be tied down. It’s part of the reason why I was always on the move. If I wasn’t there they couldn’t harass me about it. And then you guys came along, and Maggie, and then she eventually took Gregory’s place and everyone was satisfied. I was off the hook, free to roam and come and go as I pleased. But when Maggie left, they didn’t ask. They basically threw my name on the ballot and voted me in. I didn’t have a choice. I never wanted it because this time I wanted something else. I want you.”

For the first time, Aaron was seeing a fear in Paul he’d never known before. He really didn’t want this position of leader, but Aaron could see what the rest of Hilltop saw, and it was the reason why they voted him in. “Paul, you’ve got a great opportunity here. Imagine what you can accomplish as leader of Hilltop. All those ideas you had about improving your home, well, now you can do them. The people picked you because they see the leader in you, even if you don’t see it yourself. Hell, even I see it. If you would just stop running and grasp onto something, I think you’d see it too.”

“Is that what you think I’d be doing if I turned down their offer to come live with you? You think I’d be running away?” Paul said sounding accusatory.

“I think you already know what it means, and a part of you doesn’t feel good about it. I want you with me more than anything, but not if it comes at a price. Eventually, I think it would cost our relationship. There would always be that dark spot contaminating it. So, as much as I hate to admit it, I think the people of Hilltop are right, and I think you need to own up to it and become their leader.”

Paul looked horrified that Aaron didn’t agree with him. He looked like he wanted to run, but that’s not why Aaron said the things he did. He wasn’t trying to push him away. He was trying to make Paul see his full potential.

“God, I hate it when you’re right,” Paul said, and his features softened as he took Aaron into his embrace.

“Will you at least try?” Aaron asked, and he kissed Paul's neck softly. “For us? For our future?”

“This was supposed to be a happy reunion,” Paul said. “I wanted to come here, and tell you that I was finally coming back with you.”

“It’s still a happy reunion. And for now, we’ve got our special place, right?” Aaron said, gesturing at the sweetly decorated loft. “Do you have any idea how much of a romantic you are? No one’s ever done anything like this for me.”

“I’m glad you like it,” said Paul, forcing a smile. Aaron kissed him, and then deepened it, and then allowed his hand to roam over Paul's body, encouraging him.

“If this is all we’re meant to have right now, then it’s enough. And I guarantee that one day we will be together, whether you come my way or I go yours. The time will be right, and when it is, what we have is going to be wonderful and meant to be.” As Aaron spoke, his rubbed his hand along Paul's hard hidden length.

Paul's hips bucked against him, needing to feel more. “You always were a great negotiator,” Paul said in jest. “All right. For you, I’ll try.”

“Mmm, like putty in my hand,” Aaron teased. “Well, maybe putty isn’t the right word. God, you’re so fucking hard.”

Paul's hands went to Aaron’s ass, squeezed and pulled it in tight. “We’ve got a lot of time to make up for, and the entire night to accomplish it.”

“You’re going to wear me out, aren’t you?” Aaron said seductively, laying his head to the side while Paul ravished his neck with kisses.

“Let’s just say, the ride back to Alexandria might be a little uncomfortable.” Paul's fingers were fumbling over the buttons of Aaron’s shirt.

Aaron’s eyes went wide at the promise. “Really? You mean you want to . . .” He waggled his eyebrows. Since they’d been together, Paul had always been the bottom, and Aaron was fine with that, but he did like to switch roles from time to time.

“It was your idea for me to be more versatile, right?” said Paul, his lips curved into a wicked smile. “What better time to start than now.”

“Shit, you’re going to make me come just hearing you talk like that.” Aaron was working on the buckle of Paul's belt, his anticipation and his need almost more than he could handle.

Paul paused from undressing Aaron and came to look him in his eyes. “I love you.”

“I … love you too,” Aaron returned, the first time he’d really said it. It still felt a little strange on his tongue, and he had hesitated just a tad when saying it, but he knew in his heart how he felt, and he knew the feeling would only grow stronger over time.
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Safe Haven in the Chaos