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Tha Birds an tha Bees an' All That Othah Good Shit	By : Scribe Category: S through Z > Xena Views: 2608 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I do not own Xena, nor any of the characters from it. I do not make any money from the writing of this story.

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Tha Birds, an' Tha Bees, an' All That Othah Good Shit
Month 7: I Wouldn't Name My Kid Aftah My Dad Even If I DID Know Who He Was

"Strife, come back to bed."

"Inna minute. Crap!"

*pause*

"Strife, c'mon."

"Just be patient, Feathahs, I'm almost done. Shit!"

*pause*

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Fuck! I'm ventilatin my damn fingahs, that's what I'm doin. Harpy humpin needle!"

Cupid got up an' padded ovah ta where I was sittin at tha table with tha only lamp in tha room. He sounded worried. "I thought you were past the 'hurt myself on purpose' thing."

"I am. This ain't on purpose, believe me."

"Let me see what you're doing."

"Might as well. I obviously ain't gonna get anywhere t'night." I bit a thread through, maybe bein a little more enthusiastic than I had ta, then handed what I'd been workin on ta Cupe.

He held it up. It was a little... Well, it was s'posed ta be a little shirt. Just a simple one, no buttons or ties or anythin--a slip ovah yer head sort, not much biggah than my hand with tha fingahs spread. It was kinda deformed.

Strife studied it, then his expression softened. "Oh, Strife. Is this for Lump?"

I rolled my eyes. "Nah, it's for Mjau. I'm tired of havin him flash his butt at me every time we go visit Unc. With all that black fur it looks like a little pink bulls-eye, an' if I succumb an' get my slingshot, Joxer will kill me."

"It's wonderful, sweetie. Just look at those cute little red polka dots."

"Those ain't polka dots, Cupie." I held up my hand an' showed him tha gouges.

"Baby!"

He dropped tha tiny garment an' grabbed my hand, then started kissin tha raw, sore spots on my fingahs. They disappeahed undah his touch, an' tha pain faded. I sighed. "Thanks, doll."

He rubbed my hand. "Strife, why are you doing this to yourself? If you want clothes for the baby, you or I can whip up all that we need."

"I know that, but I wanna give Lump somethin I made."

"If you create it, you did make it."

"Ya know what I mean."

He smiled gently. "Yes, I know." He kissed me. "Come back to bed and I'll let you make something that Lump will love."

I arched an eyebrow. "Yeah? What?"

"Me."

"Ya talked me inta it." He took my arms, pulling carefully as I stood. "Ya don't gotta help me up, Cupe. I'm still not ta that stage yet."

"I know, babe. I like helping you." We walked ta tha bed, his arm around my (now thick) waist, with his hand restin right ovah where Lump was at present sleepin. "Besides, if I keep doing it now," he pushed me down on tha bed, then quickly straddled me, grinnin, "I figure it won't be so much of a strain when you really get big."

My clothes had disappeared somewhere along tha way, but Cupe had kept his pants on. He knows I like tha feel of leathah, an' his pants were made out of tha softest I've evah felt. He shifted, lettin tha leathah slide along my bare thighs, watchin my expression. He stroked tha curve of my belly. "We need to start thinking about the best way to make love, Strife."

"I ain't got a favorite, Cupe. I'll take ya any way I can get ya."

"I mean that it's beginning to get to the point where we have to consider not only what feels good, but what's going to be good for you--and Lump."

I sighed. "I knew this day hadda come. I s'pose now we'll nevah get around ta tha trapeze act I heard about from that oriental godling."

He kept rubbin my tummy. "Hey, the kid's going to be old enough to go to a babysitter eventually--we'll need some way to celebrate." He moved his hands down an' grabbed... Actually, grabbed is too crude a word for how Cupe takes hold of my cock. He kinda engulfed it in his big hands, an' started jerkin me off. Thoughtful booger had greased his hands, too. "If you don't mind, babe, I do have one particular way in mind."

"Spill it." His hands speeded up, an' I slapped at him, gigglin. "Not like that, Birdbrain!"

He grinned back. "I'd like to sit in your lap, while you still have one."

"Hm." I considahed this. That's wunna my favorite ways, too. We even get a little kinky now an' then an' play like whoevah's gettin screwed is tryin ta get away. Somehow we nevah succeed. *snicker* "I dunno, Cupe. Lump is already kinda crowdin out any space. Bliss hasta sit out on my knee for both of us ta be comfortable."

His hands slowed down, but didn't stop movin. He cocked his head. "I'm not sure if you technically have a lap while you're laying down, but I think we could work it like that."

"You sure Lump won't get mushed?"

"No, I can keep from putting my weight on you--I have strong thighs."

I got rid of his pants, an' slid my hands up an' down tha aforementioned thighs. "Ya sure do. An' I s'pose if ya hafta, ya could always flap ta lighten tha load."

His eyes twinkled. "Maybe if I squeezed real hard and really flapped, we could achieve liftoff."

That did it. I howled at tha mental image that conjured up: me danglin by my cock trapped in Cupe's butt as he hovahed. Finally I wiped my eyes. "Nah, don't wanna be hung by my dick. Been there, done that, didn't like it."

"When did...?"

"Ain't tellin. Maybe on our anniversahry." I reached back an' grabbed his ass, pullin tha cheeks apart. "So, do I do tha honahs, or do you?"

"Let go so I can turn."

"Okay, but only 'cause yer about ta put it in a more convenient position." He turned ta face down my body, bent, reached back, an' spread his own buttocks. "Ooo. Ya know, *smack smack* I'm feelin kinda peckish. Back it on up, cuz." He did, bringin himself within tongue range. I know I've had a lotta funny eatin patterns in my life, 'specially since I got preggers, but this is somethin I'll nevah get tired of, an' all ya gotta do is warm it up. >O?*slurp drool* Sorry. Senahry memory.

So I licked an' sucked an' probed till he started flappin his wings. Actually, that didn't stop me (heck, it's a real turn-on for me when he does that--I know I'm really gettin ta him), but he was wigglin, too, an' I had a hard time hittin a movin target. So I greased one fingah an' slid it home, pumpin it in an' out.

He moaned when I licked around where I had my fingah buried in his body. "Strife, hurry up and give me another. I want to get you inside of me."

I slid tha second fingah in an' started ta move 'em apart, stretchin him carefully. "What's tha hurry, lover? Ya got at least anothah coupla weeks before Lump's too big for us ta do this."

"If you think I'm waiting that long for you to fuck me them maybe you are as crazy as everyone thinks." He pulled off. "That's enough."

"Cupe, are ya sure?" I peeked undah him toward my crotch. Yep. I was stickin up straightah than wunna Uncle Ares's spears. "I'm pretty ready, an' I don't wanna hurt ya."

He knee-walked down, draggin his balls down my chest on tha way (somehow managin ta tap my hard right nipple with tha soft, furry sac, a kink I was gonna hafta remembah), an' said, "Don't sweat." He looked back ovah his shouldah at me. "Well, you're going to sweat, if I do this right. Anyway, this way I can control how deep and how fast, right?"

"Ya can now. If I didn't have a kid sittin on my bladdah I could show ya about toppin from tha bottom."

"You will someday. I have faith in you." He took hold of my cock an' directed it till tha head was pressed up against his asshole. Then he s-l-o-w-l-y sat down. I hadda start doin mental geometry ta keep from comin while I watched my cock slidin inta him, spreadin his anus till tha skin was tight an' shiny. He was groanin, but it wasn't from pain.

He stopped about an inch, inch an' a half from tha base, lookin back. "I think that's the right depth." He sounded breathy.

"Works fa me. Hold still a minute." With him up a little like that I could slide my hand undah him. Reachin up I could fondle his ass--reachin down I could tickle tha base of my own cock. I could, so I did. Fun for everyone. Cupe started ta lift up. "Hey!"

"Like you can't reach." He kept risin till only my knob was trapped inside him, then slid back down ta his startin point. "Let me just..." He bent forward a little. This time about halfway down he froze. "Oooo..."

"That's tha spot, huh?"

"Uh-huh." He started ta bounce up an' down, just a couple of inches at a time.

"Cupe? Are you pettin your sweet spot?"

"Uh-huh! You don't mind, do you?"

"Mind? I'm bein used!" I laughed. "I love it!"

Cupid pumped up an' down. Now that he had tha angle figured he gave me full strokes. His wings spread a little, tha tips vibratin. I reached up an' found tha sensitve (most sensitive. His wings an' around 'em are one big ol' erogenous zone) spot right between them an' started workin my fingahs in tha down. He grunted. I could see tha muscles quiverin in his thighs as he held himself from slammin down on me.

He gasped, "Baby, I have to finish myself quick, or I'm not going to be able to stay up, but you take as long as you want." He gripped his own cock (I couldn't reach, dammit!), an' stroked, hard an' fast. In a few seconds I felt hot splashes on my thighs, an' Cupe clamped around me even tightah. He didn't hafta worry about me takin a long time ta finish--I went off so hard I'm surprised I didn't knock him right offa me.

Aftah I stopped floppin like a landed fish he pulled up, cleaned us both off with a thought, and snuggled down by me. I made him turn on his side an' started straightenin tha feathahs that we had just so pleasantly ruffled. "I really wish Bliss could figure out whethah Lump is a girl or a boy."

"That would be nice," Cupe murmured. "We could start working on a name. I don't think the kid would enjoy growing up being called Lump."

I shrugged. "Depends on yer tone of voice when ya say it." Aftah all, I call Bliss an' you names that get me funny looks from people who don't undahstand (mainly Jerkules an' tha Gabster), but they both know that I love 'em ta distraction, an' would whip tha unholy crud outta anyone else who evah used those terms.

"So, what other reason do you have? Sheer curiosity? I could understand that."

"Hell, yeah. I'm tha man who invented tha 'WET PAINT' sign just ta tempt othah snoops. Nah, I have a practical reason. I wanna know what color I'm gonna need ta work with for tha nursery an' tha layette. I'm gettin fuckin tired of dealin with green an' yella. Who tha fuck was it who came up with that 'pink for girls, blue for boy' bullshit, anyway? My vote is for Dite--she's so damn attatched ta decoratin an' gettin every fuckin thing ta co-ordinate. It wouldn't be so bad if she'd given tha boy babies a cool color, even a darker blue, but tha shade she chose... Shit, it's Pepto Bismol blue."

Cupid craned his neck ta look at me. "Strife, we don't have Pepto Bismol yet, and it's pink, not blue. How do you know about Pepto Bismol?"

"Same way you do--my mornin sickness, remembah? I was desperate. Hermes didn't just smuggle Twinkies in for me. An' it's tha color that Pepto Bismol would be if it was blue."

"Can't argue with that."

"Ya could, but you're afraid I'll go wonky with my hormones again an' cut ya off. It was only for two days, an' I told ya I was sorry. Temporary insanity. An' ya didn't hafta keep feelin my forehead ta see if I was sick. Names are a good idea, though. How about Panourgia?"

"Hm. Don't you think Magos would be a little less, um, labelling? After all, wisdom is generally venerated--cunning is suspect."

"How about Sofos?"

"Clever is good."

"Or we could name tha kid for you." I kissed him. "Kalos or Oraios."

"How about for you?" He kissed me back. "Tryferos or Andreios." I threw a leg ovah his hip. "Storgikos."

"Or both of us--Komikos." That made us both giggle.

"Ischyros?"

I sighed. "Let's not make it any hardah on tha kid than it hasta be by givin 'em a name they feel like they hafta live up to."

"You know what I think is pretty? How about, if Lump turns out to be a girl, naming her after the country Ceasar conquored not too long ago--Brittany."

I shook my head. "Nah. I have great things planned for that name. In a coupla thousand years I'm gonna have about every third woman in tha world name her daughtah Brittany." I chuckled. "I can see it now--someone yells 'Brittany!', an' gets trampled in tha stampede. An' we can't use Jason, eithah."

"Same reason?"

"Sorta. I mean, I'm gonna unleash a slew of Jason's on tha world right around tha same time tha Brittanys kick in, but I'm thinkin about layin extra stress on 'em by inspirin a series of plays where tha main charactah is named Jason, an' he's, like, crazy, violent, immortal..." I frowned. "Wait, maybe he's not immortal, buuut... He's been ta Tartarus, an' now he's back an' kickin ass--nothin stops him. How's that sound?"

Cupid sighed. "Horrendous. I'm sure it will be a great success with the mortals." I sat up an' swung my legs ovah tha side of tha bed. "Hey, where do you think you're going?" He sounded like he was almost asleep. "Come back here."

"I didn't think ya was inta water sports."

"Oh."

"Yeah, oh. I think Lump gained weight in tha last hour or so, an' we oughta check with tha Fates ta see if he's gonna be dedicated ta Terpsichore, cause I'm pretty sure he's dancin a tarantella right now."

"Kay." He was driftin off. "Hurry back..." It ended in a soft snore.

I did my business and got rid of tha mess. Ya know, ya don't own liquids--ya only hold 'em for awhile. I looked at my sleepin husband, an' I was tempted ta crawl back in with him, but... Well, ya evah been preggers? Sometimes ya just get urges that ya can't ignore.

I tiptoed out an' made my way ta Bliss's bedroom. He sleeps like his daddy--sprawled all ovah tha bed. An' he snores like his daddy, too. I slipped my arms undah him an' picked him up, sittin on tha bed an' pullin him onta my lap. He didn't wake up. He just snuggled against me, tuckin his curly gold head undah my chin. I closed my eyes an' felt how warm an' soft he was, an' breathed in that sweet, little kid smell.

I dunno if I can explain this to ya. I needed ta hold my baby, an' I couldn't. I know that sounds crazy, since Lump hadn't even made her debut yet, but... Well, it was frustratin 'cause she was right there, as close as it's possible for anothah person ta be, actually inside me, an I felt like I was hollow an' could only be filled by holdin my baby, even though that baby was inside, an'... I toldya it was hard ta explain. So, since I couldn't hold my own, personal, Strife-made baby, I held my othah baby.

I felt Bliss's breath against my chest. I hugged him gently, not wantin ta wake him. He shifted a little, an mumbled somethin that sounded like 'ahwuvvuhduhwife', an' settled back down. It took me a few minutes ta figure out what that meant. Hey, I hadda do two interpretations--one for Blisspeak an' one for Sleepspeak. But I got it.

I love you, Daddy Strife.
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Tha Birds an tha Bees an' All That Othah Good Shit