Path of Forgiveness

CHAPTER SEVEN - HESITANT ANSWERS

“Eve...”

I looked up at Xena, the woman who was apparently my mother, and tried to force a smile. Eve... the name sounded so strange to me, yet it was mine. I felt so lost, like I didn’t belong anywhere, like I shouldn’t even be alive. Here I was, sitting in the middle of a hut in an Amazon village, with all these people surrounding me that know me, and yet I felt so alone.

“Eve,” Xena said again, as she touched my hand. “What DO you remember?”

I looked down again, “Nothing. I didn’t even remember my own name.”

Xena sighed, and looked at Gabrielle, who was staring at me in concern. “Nothing about your past at all?” she asked.

“No, nothing,” I replied. I felt like a broken record. I kept telling them I have no idea who I am or where I’ve been or what I’ve done in my life, yet they keep asking.

The Queen of the Amazons walked in then, and I had to keep myself from having my mouth drop open. She was the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid my eyes on. When I saw her during the battle, I didn’t pay much attention. But here, now, as she’s standing over me, she looked like she was practically glowing. The strength and power that radiated off of her was intoxicating, and I felt like I needed more.

“Just coming to make sure everyone was okay,” she said, looking at me specifically.

“Eve is fine,” Gabrielle answered. “Physically, anyway.”

A look of confusement crossed the Queen’s face and she stared at me quizzically, “What do you mean? What’s wrong with her?”

I felt like a freak, everyone sitting there staring at me, looking at me but speaking about me like I’m not there.

To answer the Queen’s question, Gabrielle said, “Eve, this is Varia, Queen of the Amazons.”

A mixture of emotions crashed over Varia’s face like a wave, and she took a step back like she had been hit. She looked upset, angry, confused, scared... “She lost her memory.” It wasn’t a question, it was a statement.

I looked at her, confused. Why is she looking like that? Is there some kind of history between us? Were we enemies, friends, or dare I even think it, lovers? There was too much emotion on her face to not know that we were more than just casual acquaintances, but what were we?

“Hi,” I said. I didn’t know what else to say.

Varia looked at me, horrified. Then she looked back at Gabrielle. “How did this happen?”

“We think it was the blow to her head that did it, it should be temporary, but we’re not sure,” she answered, looking at me sympathetically.

“I’m fine,” I said. I felt the need to contribute something to the conversation. “I don’t know who I am, or who I was, or what my life has been like up until this morning, but I’m fine.” That was weak and unreassuring, I should have just kept my mouth shut.

Varia looked at me, still not being able to comprehend. “So you don’t remember Livia?”

“Who’s Livia?” I asked, even more confused now.

Varia shook her head and looked at me in anger, like she was furious because she couldn’t believe I didn’t remember this woman named Livia. I wish I knew what was going on. She took a step back, still shaking her head. “I can’t... I don’t want to deal with this right now.” She turned and headed out of the hut, leaving me sitting there with a thousand questions in my head.

I turned to Xena, “Who’s Livia?”

Xena pursed her lips and looked at Gabrielle, who shook her head. Looking back at me she said, “I don’t think right now is the best time for you to remember her.”

My eyebrows knitted together and I looked back and forth between the both of them, “Is she dead?”

“You could say that,” Gabrielle muttered under her breath, looking away from me and pretending to be distracted from something that was going on outside.

I was starting to get frustrated. What if I never get my memory back? I needed to know the important things in my life, and the way Varia reacted to this Livia woman, she seemed pretty important. I don’t need these women to protect me, even if they are my parents. Well, Xena is, but the way Gabrielle acts she seems like she thinks she is.

“What are you protecting me from?!” I demanded, my temper getting out of control. “It’s bad enough I have no idea who I am, but you won’t even answer the questions I have to try to find myself again!”

“Eve, honey...” Xena said, trying to put her arm around my shoulder but I shook it off.

“No!” I said, standing up. “This is ridiculous, Mother!” I spat the last word out like venom just to hurt her. Maybe I was being awful to them, maybe they didn’t deserve this, but I was scared and angry and I just needed to lash out at someone right now. Maybe that’s childish, but I couldn’t help it. I hated being in the dark.

“Now’s just not the right time,” Gabrielle said to me, standing to be at my height.

“And who are you to decide that?” I asked, narrowing my eyes and looking her up and down. “I just want answers! And if you won’t give them to me, then I’ll go find them from someone else!”

I turned on my heel and walked out of the hut, leaving Xena and Gabrielle behind to worry about me. I knew I was being obnoxious, but I just hated being in this place where I don’t know anything or anyone. It was scary, and my first reaction to being frightened is anger. I just don’t understand why they won’t tell me who this woman is, is it really that big of a deal?

I looked across the village and saw Varia sitting by herself on a rock, her head in her hands. Maybe it was a bad idea, but I needed to know what was going on. Crossing the distance between us, I walked over to her and sat next to her on the rock.

She looked at me, though didn’t say anything.

I decided to start, “I’m sorry this seems to be hard on you, it’s not easy for me either.” It was the best thing I could come up with.

She shook her head and sighed, looking at the trees in the distance and asked, “Did they tell you anything?”

“No,” I said and anger crossed over my face. “I just want to know who I am, and they won’t even tell me who this Livia woman is, even though she seems to be an important part in my life. I don’t understand why.”

Varia didn’t say anything, so I continued, “Please, will you tell me?”

There was a long pause, like she was debating on it. Finally she spoke, but did not look at me. Her voice was monotone, like she didn’t want to feel any emotion that was attached to this story. “Livia was a commander of Rome. She killed many innocent people, and she raided my village a few years ago, killing my only sister and taking the rest of my tribe as slaves. She was a blood thirsty monster.”

“I’m so sorry,” I said. Her losing her sister must have been horrible on her. I paused before continuing, “I just don’t understand what that has to do with me,” I said, genuinely confused now. Why couldn’t they just tell me this?

“I don’t think I’m the right person to tell you,” she said, finally looking at me. A shot of heat went through my body from her eyes on me, and my breath caught in my lungs. I shook my head to clear it, how I feel for her can’t be explained to me right now, and I needed to know answers to other questions.

Frustration was boiling to the surface again at the lack of answers everyone was giving me. I made a sound of annoyance and said in outburst, “Why does everyone keep doing this?! What’s the big deal? Did I end up killing her or something? I mean she sounds like a huge bitch, so why is this such an issue? Isn’t it a good thing that she’s not around anymore?”

“You want to know the big deal?!” Varia said, her own anger getting out of control. She stood up and so did I, so we could see each other eye to eye.

“YES!” I screamed. Something inside me told me it was wrong at me to yell at her like this, but that didn’t stop me.

Varia was looking at me with her chest heaving from trying to control her anger. “It’s a big deal because...”

“Because what?” I prompted her, though practically demanding.

“Because YOU were Livia!”

TBC.......