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Carry On My Wayward Son	By : Danyealle Category: Supernatural > Slash - Male/Male > Dean/Sam Views: 6695 -:- Recommendations : 2 -:- Currently Reading : 1
Disclaimer: I don’t own Supernatural, people with a lot more talent than I do have that honor. Nor do I make any kind of money off this story. I’m just playin’ with the boys. I promise to put ‘em back when I’m finished with them.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
Chapter 7

Whatever happens, I'll leave it all to chance.

Another heartache - another failed romance.

On and on...

Does anybody know what we are living for?

-The Show Must Go On

-Queen

After turning out most of the lights in the kitchen and double checking to make sure that everything was secure as he always did at night before he settled in, Bobby sat down at his desk and picked up his cell. Sighing deeply, he rubbed his eyes in a tired way as he opened it then scrolled through the contacts list until he found Sam's current number. Pulling up the information, he just looked at the number, trying to think. Sure, he knew that Sam would still be awake, that wasn't a problem, it was just he didn't know what to say to the boy was all.

Sitting the phone down, he pinched the bridge of his nose and tried to think. Already, because of his talks with Dean, Sam was worried sick about his brother. The boy had asked him to go check on Dean since he was close to where he was. Hell, he hadn't had a problem with that and did it without a protest. The problem now came from the fact that Sam was right; Dean, from what he could see, was close to a meltdown of some kind. This last bit, the part he had helped with, a girl that turned out to be an angel, was something that just made it worse.

Already, before the whole Anna thing came into play, the older Winchester was having problems dealing with the fact that he had broken the first seal and kicked off this whole mess. From what Sam had told him, and stuff he had cottoned to when he talked to Dean himself, he was scared and depressed. Like in times past when he got this way he compensated by throwing himself into dangerous situations without being cautious, like some kind of damn kamikaze or something, copped a snarky attitude with everyone about everything and drank far too much. In the past Sam had always been there to rein his older brother in and put a stop to things before they went too far but this time around, he wasn't there to do it. That was leading towards Dean getting worse and sinking into what could only be called a depression of sorts, something he didn't know how to pull him out of because he hadn't seen it this bad before. Only Sam seemed to be able to do those kinds of things. But Sam wasn't with Dean. Them talking over the computer just wasn't cutting it and Dean was just getting worse as time went on.

It had only been a few days since that whole mess with Anna, the angels, Alastair, Ruby and them but it had grown worse. He was sure that the one time Anna and Dean had gone off alone together, they had done something sexual and that seemed to have made the whole thing worse when it was all over. From his end, he knew that there was an issue but was helpless to stop it. He had tried everything he could think of, from reasoning and talking with him all the way up to yelling, but it did no good. All he kept thinking was that Dean needed Sam, that Sam was the only one that might have a chance of pulling his brother back from the brink of something that he seemed to be at the precipice of. But Sam couldn't be there and he knew why. That left him in a quandary as to what to do now.

If he told Sam exactly what he thought the situation was then the boy would want to be with his brother, naturally, to see what he could do. That wasn't something that could be allowed to happen right now. Sam needed to stay right where he was because it was the only safe place for him. On the other hand, he could tell the boy that things were fine but that was an outright lie, and Sam would know it. Hell, they talked often enough that Sam already knew there was something really wrong. That was the reason he had sent him to go check on Dean in the first place! No, that wouldn't work.

Drumming his fingers on the desk, he stared at the cell and tried to think what to say. Honestly, he was going to tell Sam the truth but he needed something in place to give him as a way to work with this without him being with his brother! He just didn't know what that was right now was all. Glancing around, trying to think, his eyes lit on the computer. Mentally, he noted that he needed to go through the latest message Sam had sent him about this whole mess and binding spells. Sitting there, gazing into the darkened screen of the turned off monitor, an idea slowly began to click and take shape. Fingers drumming faster on the desk, he tossed it around and tried to look at it from all angles but thought he had the best way to at least start the ball rolling. Everything else... he could figure it out later. Bare bones of it in place, he nodded to himself then snatched up the phone and dialed Sam's number.

Sitting at his desk, Sam was plowing through doing a few things on the site while waiting for the phone to ring. He knew that Bobby had returned earlier in the day from checking on Dean for him so he was waiting for the old hunter to call and give him a 'status update'. Waiting for something like that was hard enough but, right now, it was even worse. He was really worried about Dean. What he was seeing from his brother, the behavior, way he talked, what he was doing, etc. was seriously unnerving, especially since he wasn't around to help alleviate things. He'd dealt with Dean when he got like this before and could eventually, after some hard work, pull him out of it but this time around he hadn't been able to do that. Doing something like that over the computer wasn't the same as being able to pull it off in person. Realistically, he was failing miserably at it. Despite his best efforts, things were going downhill, fast. He was used to Dean's 'moods' and knew how to deal with them most of the time but this go 'round nothing was working. It had gotten so bad that he had disconnected a couple video chats and logged off messenger to get away from his brother because of him trying to pick fights. That wasn't the Dean he knew. He didn't go out of his way to pick a fight with him but he was now. Above all else, that had him worried. He was afraid he was going to end up doing that with the wrong being and get himself killed because he was well aware that if Dean was going out of his way to antagonize him, he was doing worse with the things he hunted. No, that wasn't good, not at all.

Foot tapping on the floor, he glanced at the clock on the computer again as he took a long drink of water. Sitting the bottle down when he was done, he just shook his head and willed himself to go back to work on something else. It wasn't going to help matters if he started clock watching. Bobby would call when he got the chance. Rubbing his eyes, he once more focused on the site then tried to get to work and shove everything else back.

He had managed to delve into some of what needed done, enough that he about jumped when the phone finally did ring. Quickly, he put the hands-free on then answered, “Hey, Bobby!”

Grunting a hello, Bobby waited for the inevitable.

Jumping right in, Sam asked, tone concerned, “How is Dean doing? Is it bad or was I just imagining things?”

“Actually, it's worse than what you said,” the old hunter admitted then gave Sam a rundown of what went on and things he observed.

Slumping in his seat, rubbing his shut eyes, Sam shook his head, “Bobby, I can't just sit here....”

Cutting him off before that could progress any further, Bobby bit out, “Oh, no! You are staying right where you are, Sam! You showing up now is just going to make this all the worse! Both factions are going to land on you with both feet then things are going to pick up right where they left off. I'm sure that the demons and those damn feathered demons that call themselves angels are going to do everything in their power to drive you and Dean apart so they can get this to play out just how they want it to go! You popping back up is just going to give them what they want!”

“Bobby, I can't just sit here! If I were there I might be able to do something. At least Dean wouldn't feel so alone,” Sam emphasized, scrubbing a hand over his face, gut clenched, eyes squeezed tightly shut. Up until now, he had been able to handle things while he was apart from his brother but dealing with this... he couldn't. This was the worst and he needed to be with Dean!

“Look, boy!” Bobby snarled, putting enough bite in his tone that he was certain that Sam would listen. “I know this is hard and it has to be even worse to sit, doing nothing, while you listen to Dean go downhill on a rocket sled but you need to stay put! If you come back, it's going to get worse and more pressure is going to be on him. You're not going to help anything, Sam!”

Nodding, Sam let out a sigh then said, tone weary, “I know, alright? Really I do. But I can't just sit here with my thumb up my backside and do nothing while Dean tears himself apart! It seems to me, from what I'm seeing and hearing, that he's slowly unraveling at the seams.”

“He is, I'll agree with that,” Bobby nodded. Knowing this was going down a road where Sam was going to argue every which way from Sunday to go and be with his brother, Bobby decided it was time to take a left turn and work with it another way. “Look, just calm down. I think I might have a plan for this. But I need you to listen and not go off half cocked.”

Sitting there, Sam let out a deep sigh then rubbed his eyes in a tired way. Honestly, he wanted to keep arguing, really he did, because Dean needed him there. But this was Bobby. Whenever Bobby had a plan it was usually a good one so he needed to listen. “Alright, Bobby, go ahead and tell me,” Sam said in a weary voice.

“Look, I've been dropping hints to Dean about what I think is going on, other than the shit with Ruby and you... He seems receptive to it. In fact, he's mentioned a couple times that he thinks that the angels aren't doing what they say they are. He's also brought up that he doesn't see where they are trying all that hard to keep the seals from breaking. All in all, I think that it might be time to start leading him towards pulling him out of the game. It was my thought tonight, after seeing him in the shape I did, that by Christmas it might be a good idea to have him on the reservation with you.”

Eyes widening, Sam nodded vigorously then said, an excitement starting to weave in and out of his tone, “That works for me, Bobby! How should we go about this?”

“I was thinking that you go on like you normally do with Dean and I'll start dropping some bigger hints then forward him on the crap that you've been sending me about the seals, angels, Asmodeus, Lilith and all the other shit besides Ruby. I think, for the time being, keeping what we know about her to ourselves is for the best. It's going to come, I know that, but I think that is something that is best to hold off on until he's there with you. On your end I want you to, if you get the opportunity, start trying to set up a meeting of some kind with him. No, not on the reservation but somewhere neutral. Once you do that, I think the two of us can convince him to go home with you and stay the hell put.”

OK, Sam could work with this and liked it. “I can do that, Bobby, and will get right on it!”

“Now, remember, I don't want you bringing this up, Sam! Let Dean lead into it. Also, make it known that this isn't the first step in you going back on the road with him either. Don't promise him something like that since that isn't the plan. Just make sure that he knows it's for a one-time thing only. When you get it hammered out, we'll work from there. For now, wait until I start dropping hints, I’ll begin that this week.”

Feeling better already, Sam nodded once more, “Gotcha! I can do this, Bobby.”

“We've only got about a month, Sam, so we need to start working. Hold off for now then I'll start on my end. When I do that, I'll give you the word then you can work on your end. That sound like a plan?” The old hunter asked, figuring that as long as Sam had a light at the end of the tunnel when it came to his brother, he would work with it.

“It works for me, Bobby! Hell, I think it's perfect!” Sam almost babbled, starting to grin.

Relaxing, knowing that he got the younger Winchester to calm down, the old hunter let out a weary sigh. “Alright, good. I'm beat down to my socks so I'm going to head to bed. I'll give you a shout tomorrow and we'll start working on things from there, alright, Sam?”

“That's good by me, Bobby. Get some rest and thanks for everything. I appreciate it more than you know!” Sam told him sincerely.

Grunting, Bobby gave a gruff, “You're welcome, idjit.” Before saying goodnight and hanging up.

Closing the cell, Sam tossed it onto the desk and leaned back, scrubbing a hand over his face. Already, he felt better. Now he just had to worry about keeping Dean from going into a meltdown of some kind before he and Bobby could work it all out.

Sitting alone his motel room, Dean swallowed the last of his beer then chucked the empty into the trashcan before grabbing another. He was nicely drunk and planned to stay that way until he finally passed out. Actually, he hadn't had a truly sober moment since the whole bit with Anna and rather liked it this way. If he was drunk he didn't have to deal with all the bullshit. The memories of hell were held at bay, he didn't think too much about the seals or Anna and how miserable she probably was right about now. That worked for him. No, it wasn't the greatest way of dealing with the whole thing but it was about all he had right now so he was going with it. Really, staying drunk wasn't what he needed to do, he needed to get a lot of shit off his chest to someone but didn't feel comfortable doing that over the computer with Sam. He wasn't sure why that was but it was just strange talking to his brother that way.

Thinking about Sam, he gave a deep sigh and shake of his head. Seriously, he had been taking out all the shit he was dealing with on his brother and felt horrible for it. Nor, really, did he fully understand why he was. The only thing he could come up with on that front was that Sam wasn't here for him to talk to, something he learned he missed more than he would ever know. Then there was the fact that Sam wasn't going to abandon him, no matter what he said. No, he wasn't here with him but he was just a PM away and always would be. It was always easy to take things out on the being that you knew wouldn't abandon you. That didn't make it right, he knew that, but....

Cracking open the beer, he took a long pull off of it then opened the laptop. Pulling up messenger, he signed on then checked to see if Sammy was there. As usual, he was, something that actually brought a small smile to his face. Though part of him, that perverted bent that seemed to be getting stronger each passing day, had wanted to log in under his other name and press for a show, was still lobbying for doing something so he could get his rocks off, he ignored it. Right now, he needed to just talk to Sam, maybe unburden himself a little bit, not just cater to his baser desires. After another quick drink, he P.M.ed his brother with a 'hey, Sammy' before sending an invite to a video chat. Sticking the headset on, he adjusted the cam and was ready to rock and roll.

Seeing his brother's message, Sam gave a sad smile but quickly put on his headset and accepted. As soon as he heard it connect and Dean's breathing, he said, “Hey, Dean! You doing a bit better tonight?”

“Feeling no pain on this end, Sammy boy!” Dean chuckled unevenly, taking another drink.

Though his brother wasn't slurring his words or anything overt to indicate it, Sam could tell his brother was drunk. Shaking his head, he said nothing about it, making a mental note to stay on his toes in case Dean decided to pick another fight with him, then asked his usual question, “How was your day?”

“Shit as usual,” Dean snorted before adding, “But I'm feeling no pain and really don't give a fuck right now.”

Unable to keep the sigh out of his voice, Sam shook his head then just replied, “I gathered that, Dean. Aren't you drinking a little bit too much lately?” Hastily, he added, before his brother could take offense or get defensive about it, “I'm just worried about you is all, that's why I mentioned it.”

Snorting, Dean took another drink before saying, “Maybe but it helps me to cope. You gotta go with what works, Sam.”

“It might be numbing the pain, Dean, but it's not working, despite what you think. If it was working, things would be improving. From what I can see, they aren't improving. In fact, from my vantage point, you're getting worse. Not only are you having to drink more to make whatever it is you’re dealing with go away but you're falling apart. I'm worried about you, Dean! This can't go on!”

“I'm fine, nothing to worry about, Sammy,” Dean told him shortly, shaking his head.

Wanting to beat his head on the desk, Sam grit his teeth then hissed out, “That is crap, Dean! You are about as far from fine as you can get! Everyone can see that! Whatever is going on is eating you alive and it can't continue.”

“Well, if you were HERE instead of hiding, things might be different!” Dean snarled back, eyes starting to flash.

“No, it wouldn't. You would just be taking your temper out on me in person rather than over the computer!” Sam snapped. Knowing that this was leading nowhere but to a huge fight between them, he decided to try something different, hoping that would jog something loose. Shaking his head, his voice took on a weary tone then he said, “I'll tell you what, Dean... when you get it together and are willing to actually do something about whatever is going on, let me know. Until then, I don't think I want to be talking to a nasty drunk.” Ending the call, he stood up then went into the kitchen to find himself something to eat and drink, heart hammering in his chest. He knew that what he had just done would either work or drive his brother further off the deep end. With what he knew of Dean, he was certain that it would work. It was just going to take a few hours was all.

Staring at the screen of the laptop, Dean snarled. Oh no, Sam did not just hang up on him again! Or deliver an ultimatum! He wasn't going to allow this to happen! Quickly, he sent another chat invite but there was no answer. Ending it, he sent another then another, all with the same result. Pissed, swallowing the last of his beer, he typed out, angrily, 'pick up dammit, Sam!'. But there was no answer to that either. Frustrated and angry, he shot a series of P.M.s that accused his brother of all kinds of things, hoping to tick him off enough that he would answer but it didn't work. Sam wouldn't reply.

After about an hour, Dean was so frustrated with the situation that he shoved the computer off his lap onto the bed then snagged his leather jacket and stormed out of the room. Sliding into his baby, he started her then roared out of the parking lot fully intending to find the nearest bar, get more drunk than he already was and pick up some skank to fuck. That would relieve some stress was his thought.

Sitting at his computer, Sam was worried. It was about midnight and Dean, though online, hadn't said anything for hours. Sure, the last few messages weren't nice ones but at least he was talking. Him not saying anything was unnerving. But he wasn't going to start the conversation either. It was best to let Dean stew for a while. He was sure, by this point, Dean had probably gone out to get a few more. If that was the case then things would go one of two ways; either he would be more pissed when he came back and spoiling for a fight or he would loosen up then be willing to talk at least a little bit. He was praying for the latter of the two but not counting on it. With Dean, when it came to such things, generally what he hoped for wasn't usually what happened.

Glancing at the clock on the computer, he shook his head. He was tired and wanted to go to bed though he doubted sleep would come as he was too worried about his brother. But he judged that he doubted Dean would say any more to him that night either. Maybe it was time to give up the ghost and just head to bed. It was almost a sure-fire bet that he would hear plenty from Dean the following day about this. With a tired stretch, he decided that he would go lay down. Grabbing his glass and such off the desk, he walked it back to the kitchen then went to take care of the normal things that he did just before bedtime. It was his thought that he would just leave a message for his brother if he wasn't there when he returned.

After a half an hour or so of taking care of what he needed to, he wrapped his robe tightly around him against the slight chill in the room then sat back down at the computer. He was going to leave a message for Dean to let him know he had gone to bed then shut the beastie down for the night. Just as he was trying to think how to word the P.M., one from Dean popped up. Eyes widening, he looked at it, stunned. It read, 'Sammy, if you’re still around, I need to talk, dude. Please be there.' Quickly, he typed back, 'I'm here Dean. Was about to go to bed... Give me a second to find the headset and get it on then will call.'

Sitting there, Dean looked at the P.M. Sammy had sent him and shook his head. Quickly, he typed out, 'Don't do that, Sammy. This is going to be hard and I think it might be easier if I type it out, though I'm not the greatest at this shit, rather than talk and have to look at you while I do.'

That was something Sam could understand. From the sound of it, Dean wanted to get some things off his chest and wanted to minimize how traumatizing it was going to be. That was fine with him. Nodding, he typed back, 'Go for it, dude, I'll be here as long as you need me. I was worried about you, Dean.'

Snorting, Dean gave a sad grin and shake of his head but typed back, 'Yeah, bitch, I bet!' Sighing, he then sent, 'Look, I've been an ass, I admit it. Right now I can't even stand myself. I can only imagine what I'm coming across like to others. That stunt you pulled... yeah, I was pissed at you, I admit it, but I think you’re right, Sammy boy, I was using you as a whipping boy. I shouldn't oughta do that shit. And, yeah, there is a lot wrong right now. Even you being here wouldn't fix it.' Sitting back, he looked at what he had just said before sending it. Though he knew it was kicking the door open to talking about what was going on, something he didn't normally do, he hit send anyway. It was time to get some things off his chest and, hopefully, feel better.

Nodding, Sam just sent back, 'Talk, Dean. I'll listen all you need. You know that. Get it off your chest then we'll go from there.'

With a deep sigh, Dean gave himself a mental kick in the ass then cracked his knuckles before starting...'I know I said I didn't remember my time in hell, Sammy, but I do. Fuck, I wish I didn't but I do...' Then, for the next hour, he poured out everything that had been bugging him since coming back from the Pit.

By the time he was done, Dean felt better than he had in a long time, a lot better. It was as though a massive weight had been lifted off his shoulders. No, he didn't go into details about some things, like what had gone on in the Pit but he got out enough that he felt as though it had reset something and he could go on now the way he used to. That he liked. Plus, Sammy had been quite supportive through all of it, not judging and just letting him get it off his chest. Shit, that was wonderful! When he had gone out, he had been pissed as hell at him, vowing to give him a piece of his mind when he came back. He had also planned to get laid, hoping that it would kill some of the infatuation he had with his brother but it hadn't. That was still there, as strong as ever and it bothered him.

Staring at the screen, looking at Sam's last message, one that was quite supportive and telling him that everything would work out in the end, he felt another curdle of guilt over the secretive things he had done, like watching him on the cam. Sighing, he thought it over then decided since it seemed to be confession night he might as well come clean about that as well. Though he wanted a belt of liquid courage to get him through this, he didn't bother. Instead, he typed in, 'There is one more thing I need to tell you, Sammy.' Stopping, he waited.

Figuring it had to do with everything his brother had been talking about up to this point, Sam typed back, 'Just say it, Dean. It'll be fine.'

Stiffening his backbone, Dean hesitated a minute then, quickly, before he lost his nerve, typed in, 'Sammy, I'm SexyStudlyNSmooth.' Stopping, he waited for all hell to break loose.

A.N.- Next week, the week of the 31^st, I have some things going on in reality that are going to leave me next to no time to do much else so updates for anything are going to be sporadic, if at all. Sorry folks but sometimes reality can be a bitch but there is no way around it. I'll update if I can but there is no guarantees there. After that, things will go back to normal.

-Danyealle
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Carry On My Wayward Son