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Darkest Nights	By : Bucken-Berry Category: G through L > Law & Order Views: 1449 -:- Recommendations : 0 -:- Currently Reading : 0
Disclaimer: I don't own SVU or it's characters and I'm not making money from this.

Chapter List
- 6
- 7
- 8
The next day, George had another therapy session. Elliot held George's hand during the session, much like the first time.
"Are you feeling any better?" Beth asked.
"Mentally or physically?"
"Both. Start with your physical condition," she clarified.
"It could be better but it could be worse-" The air hissed in his lungs and he coughed painfully. He took a deep breath before continuing. "I still feel awful but I can at least control when I fall asleep."
"Having trouble breathing?" she asked after a moment. George was rubbing his chest with his knuckles.
"Yeah. There's not a whole lot that can help though."
"True. It'll just take time. How are you mentally, then?"
"Um…" He paused, unsure how to word his thoughts.
"I'm not sure," he finished lamely.
"Still having nightmares?" she asked; he swallowed and nodded.
"Care to tell me about them?"
"I know I need to eventually, but it's just too raw right now," he admitted. Elliot raised his eyebrows. It just wasn't like George to refuse to talk.
"Then let's discuss what to do when you're discharged," Beth suggested.
"Well, I haven't thought about it too much," George said.
"What are your goals?"
"Getting back to working with SVU, for one."
"Are you going to be able to handle it?"
"I won't know until I try."
"What if it doesn't?"
"Then I can switch jobs within the FBI. I originally came here to set up VI-CAP, so maybe I could do more with that, or if I can't manage that, I could profile for the NYPD's homicide unit."
"You're still interested in forensic psychiatry?"
"I want to continue profiling," George said.
"But are you interested?"
"Right now, I'm not as interested as I usually am, but I want to regain my interest."
"Have you ever wanted to quit before?"
"Every now and then. But it's always just a fleeting thought and then I decide not to."
"When have you wanted to quit?" Beth asked.
"Once, I was interrogating a convicted serial killer with Elliot-" He inclined his head to Elliot, who was sitting silently next to him- "And we got attacked. I wanted to quit because I almost got killed over such a mundane thing- he wouldn't have been able to if I had noticed he was trying to time a shift change. He bashed my head into a wall and I woke up in the hospital with one hell of a migraine." He gave a wry smile. "It was a pretty painful mistake."
"Do you blame yourself for that incident?"
"Mostly. I know he's the one who attacked me, but I should have known."
"Do you blame yourself for what happened to you when you were tortured?" Beth asked bluntly. George took a deep breath.
"Yes and no. I do blame myself- it's a natural response. But as a psychiatrist, I end up telling myself that I shouldn't be, and then I blame myself for that." He looked downwards as he chose his next words. "And, part of me still doesn't believe it's not a dream, and I feel guilty for not believing it's real."
"You don't believe it's real because of your nightmares," Beth stated. George nodded. "Can you talk about them?"
"No," George whispered.
"I'm going to end the session there, then," Beth said. Her voice wasn't judgmental in the least, but George still felt the need to apologize.
"Sorry, I just can't do it." Hearing George, who had once been supremely confident, saying those words startled Elliot.
"It's ok," Beth said. She flashed him a reassuring smile. "No one blames you. You'll be able to talk about it eventually."
George fell asleep a minute after the therapist left. Just as Elliot was about to leave, he jolted awake, gasping and looking around the room wildly. Elliot set a hand on George's shoulder, and he jumped again.
"George, do you want to talk?" Elliot asked with concern.
"No!" he snapped. Then his face softened. "Sorry... I'm just overwhelmed."
"It's ok," Elliot reassured him.
"Do you want to go back to sleep?" he asked George. George shook his head.
"I've been sleeping too much." The tone of the words gave away his real thoughts.
"Not for someone in your condition. What's the real reason?" Elliot pressed.
"There isn't one."
"It's your nightmares?" It was more a statement than a question.
"Yes," he admitted with a shiver.
"So you don't want to sleep because of them."
"Yeah," George whispered. He shivered again.
"Sorry," Elliot said.
"There's nothing to be sorry about." George shifted uncomfortably. There was a long silence. Eventually Elliot spoke.
"I hope we catch the bastards that did this. I think we will."
"I..." George trailed off, not wanting to admit his thoughts. Elliot picked up on his tone.
"You don't think we'll catch them?" George averted his gaze.
"Firstly, their MO makes it unlikely, unless they get to the point where they just don't care anymore and they leave evidence behind. Secondly, even if they leave evidence behind, there's no guarantee we can link it to anyone, and, finally, if we do get someone, I'm not sure we'll get a conviction. I'm not getting my hopes up," George said dejectedly. Elliot had never seen George so pessimistic- it was unnerving. George closed his eyes for a minute and allowed a guilty look to cross his face.
"What's wrong?" Elliot asked. George averted his gaze.
"I'm so grateful to be back… but it's like I'm not even back. At first, while I was there, I thought about being rescued, and then I only dreamed about it. And then I totally gave up. I wanted them to kill me, Elliot. And now I'm here, and I can't feel relieved or anything because I'm still there mentally, with the nightmares and my emotions."
The admission startled Elliot. "Is there anything I can do?" Elliot asked quietly. George shook his head. "Will you feel better when you leave here?"
"Maybe," George said.
"Have they decided when you'll be discharged?"
"I can leave in a few days, if I have somewhere to go."
"Want to come to my place?" Elliot asked.
"If it's not too much trouble?" George said tentatively.
"It isn't."
"What about your kids?" George inquired.
"They've been living with Kathy. I can arrange something for visits." George looked slightly more relaxed. Elliot looked around the room for a while.
"You know, I never appreciated you as much as I should," Elliot admitted.
"It's-" George began. Elliot cut him off.
"No, it's not OK. Just because I felt uncomfortable in our sessions doesn't mean it was your fault or that you deserved how I treated you."
"Apology accepted, then," George said quietly. Another long silence ensued.
"I need to ask you something," George began suddenly. Elliot looked at him. "I just don't know how to phrase it."
"What is it, George?"
"I feel afraid of the answer, but you know how there were five days between when I was found and when I woke up?" Elliot nodded. "Well, what was- what was I... like during those five days? I know I probably came close to death- maybe I even died- what was the extent of it?"
Elliot moved closer to him. "That can wait until you've healed,"he said softly.
"I can tell I was pretty close, then," George concluded.
"You were," Elliot acknowledged. He sat down next to George and kissed the top of his head. "You're safe now, though."
"It's hard to believe," George said again.
"I'm going to protect you," Elliot whispered. "I promise."
George tried and struggled to sit up. Elliot set a hand on his chest, wordlessly telling him to stay still.
"You know, I never thought of the people I profiled like real people at all,"George said as he sank into the pillows. His voice sounded brittle. "I studied them, learned about them and from them. Even when I interviewed the worst perpetrators, I still detached myself, like I was reading a book. And now I've been affected personally by them. It feels like some kind of payback for not fearing them or something."
"In our line of work, you have to be detached- you even more than others. And, to profile someone, you have to make them into data anyway. You didn't do anything wrong. You don't deserve it," Eliot said.
"Right now, everything feels really wrong," George confessed.
"It will for a while," Elliot murmured. "You just can't give up."
"I guess," George said half-heartedly, before closing his eyes.
"You should sleep, you know," Elliot whispered as he stroked George's hair.
"I really don't need to."
"Will talking about your nightmares help?" George opened his eyes.
"No. There's really nothing to say about them, Elliot," George said edgily.
"Yeah, there is. You wouldn't talk about them to the hospital shrink; will you at least talk to me?"
"I can't," George whispered shakily; he closed his eyes again.
Elliot could tell that George was exhausted despite his insistence that he had been sleeping too much. He continued to stroke George's hair. "You need to rest, George," Elliot repeated.
"I don't want to," George said. A tear streaked down his face, and he turned away as much as he could without hurting himself. He watched his heart rate on the monitor next to him. He was tachycardic, he noticed. 140 beats per minute. He took a deep breath.
"George. Look at me," Elliot said. With great difficulty, George turned and met his gaze.
"It'll be ok. You need some time, but it will be ok," Elliot whispered. He sat down next to George and embraced him.
"That's hard to believe," George said. He rested his head on Elliot's leg. Elliot rubbed George's back.
"It'll be ok," Elliot repeated, almost to himself as much as to George.
After a while he managed to coax George into sleeping again. He knew how afraid George felt, but he couldn't let George deny his body sleep.
Elliot was upset to notice that George began having another nightmare almost immediately. He rubbed his shoulder, which seemed to calm him somewhat.
Elliot's phone vibrated. Not wanting to disturb George, he began to move away gently. George made an abortive gesture to keep him close. Feeling guilty, he walked into the hall.
"Stabler," he said shortly.
"Elliot, the feds want to take George's case, and if you don't want them to, you're going to have to come here," Cragen said without preamble. Elliot swallowed.
"I'll be there, cap," Elliot said. He wasn't going to let the feds take his chance to get justice for George. Or, more accurately, to get revenge.
- 6
- 7
- 8
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Darkest Nights